There is always this belief that it is women that do not know what they want but that’s just a sexist belief because the wandering eye in men comes from the fact that they, more than us, don’t know what they want either. It’s weird how over time it is women that have all the negative things pointed out in them. We are the worst gossips they say, when truth be told, men when they are with their friends are worse. We state money is the one that kills me! How many times did you hear growing up of women who went to the mines to wait for their husbands at the gate just so they could make sure that that money gets home on pay day? It’s no joke. Maybe that’s an old example, how about this, how many of your male friends, brothers or boyfriends do you know that drive cars they can hardly afford when they could have bought cheaper cars that would have left them with a surplus. Such guys end up hoping for accidents just so insurance can take the burden off them. That’s what they call wasteful expenditure and the reason why our government is so broke is because it’s run by men who spend spend spend on expensive things. The facts are true, so this thing of seeing women in the negative light is actually a fallacy as it is men who think like children in a candy store. I could not help but wonder if seeing Nelisa’s mother being hauled off by the police had anything to do with it. I had so much to say and scream about, believe me I did, but I was not going to. When in doubt, keep quiet and that’s what I did.
“I have to go finish peeling. Have you eaten?” I asked him. I don’t know why I did that because he could starve for all I care. It was already late and with the running around I am told he had been doing I doubt that he had.
“No I haven’t. There is a KFC that’s open 24hours I will just go there!” He said but I know he hates KFC.
“Don’t be a fool. I am here. I will get you food. We arrived late with your mother so I am making her food. There is enough for you. Give me 20 minutes!” I said and I walked away. Another thing about being married that I don’t think people realize, or maybe it’s just me, I love taking care of my man. I know, weird right? I love this thing of having him depend on me. Yes I know he should get up and clean up after himself blah blah blah but in the 24 hours he had been away I actually missed that. It’s not being submissive in anyway, I just like knowing I can do that for him.
I handed him the food. He was smiling then the smile left his face as though he was worried. He looked me in the eye as though he was looking for something.
“What is it!?” I asked him.
“What is what?” he asked foolishly but not once did his eyes leave mine. Okay, he was creeping me out. What was up with this guy.
“You didnt…” he asked but suspended his question midway.
“I didn’t what? Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked him again. I could see he wanted to say something but the words were just not coming out. He was looking at the food now and looking at me. Then I got it! What an ungrateful bastard.
“You asked if I poisoned you?” I wanted to laugh in disbelief but I was so angry for him even thinking that.
“I didn’t mean it like that but we have been fighting lately and you insisted on me not going to KFC…”. He even had the nerve to say it. I looked at him in disbelief more than anything else. If we were at home I would have taken that food and poured it over him shem! What kind of disrepect is this?
“What kind of idiot are you really? Do you honestly think I can poison you? Are you that stupid? If I wanted you dead I would shoot you in the head because it’s where you are empty the most!” So he thought I was being nice because I wanted to kill him. It’s clear that woman was haunting him. She had really just done me a favour. I did not want to argue with him here.
“You can throw it away for all I care!” I said angrily and I walked away and went back to join the other women. Eish, why was I being emotional. Now I had tears in my eyes and I wanted to cry. It was actually not a nice thing for him to have thought that I was capable of that. That for me was the preserve of weak women who felt as though they had no option to get rid of their man. I loved him and wanted him back yes but I believe I still had options.
About thirty minutes later I saw him come to find me with an empty plate in hand. Usually I would have gone to get the plate from him but he can serve himself for all I care. I don’t care what people say.
“Nothabo!” He called as he got closer. He greeted the women who were still there and I stood up to go intercept him.
“I am sorry, it’s not like that. I don’t know what I was thinking. See I ate all the food you gave me. I didn’t throw it away.”
He started to explain, as though that made any difference. How could he think I would poison him in such a public place. This man had no respect for me.
“I don’t care. Tomorrow after the burial am going home. If you don’t come with me please don’t bother coming back ever again!” I said. I know my tone had changed from when I left in the first place. After thinking that I had poisoned him he can rot for all I care.
“But I have to stay, I can’t just leave after the funeral” he tried to protest.
“I don’t care. Your wife or stay. Those are the options!”
With that selfish request I walked away. I was tired. I went to sleep. Imagine, I was from Bloemfontein but I could not even go home to sleep. I booked a bed and breakfast and I did not even tell my husband. I did not want to know where he was sleeping so why should I tell him mine. Funny enough he tried to call me at some point but oh well.
The burial took place in the morning at seven. It was a grey overcast morning and typical to Bloemfontein, it was actually cold. It was a good thing that Zethu and my brother were there. Even my mother came but she refused to greet me. I did not have time for this. Why was I always the bad guy really? I could never do anything right in anyone’s eyes. I wanted to leave immediately after the funeral.
My mother-in-law tried to ask me to stay longer but I reminded her that I had left Lintle all alone. Today was Saturday and I could not trust her on her own I explained. She finally agreed and only after three in the afternoon did I leave. I was tired. I had hardly slept but now I had to go deal with Mthobisi.
The drive home was long and I was actually falling asleep whilst I drove. This Arrive Alive business is true. I felt as though the three hour drive was more like ten hours. I know what I was doing was not safe but I just wanted to get home. I tried to call Lintle but her phone was off and so was Lesedi’s phone. What was going on? This made me a bit anxious as I wanted to know where my daughter was.
“You left without saying goodbye!” he said when I picked up the phone.
“I thought you had gone to see your mistress. Didn’t want to disturb!” I said cheekily.
He posed and said, “That’s uncalled for. I don’t have a mistress and you know it. In your head I am cheating on you but I am not. Nothing happened!” he said pleading. So what if nothing happened? You thought of it. Sizwe I cried in front of you and begged you not to leave but you still packed your bags and left. How could you say you love me and do that to me?” I asked him. He sighed and tried to apologise but I did not want to drive home crying. I was heart broken enough. I asked him to let me drive in peace. We hung up and I continued on my way. When I got into town I wanted to drive to Lesedi’s place but I figured that it won’t be wise. Going home was the better option, regroup and fight that battle.
As soon as I entered a familiar voice screamed,
“Hey mom!” It was Lintle. She was home.
“Baby?” I said so overwhelmed with joy. Things were falling into place.
“When did you get home?” I asked her.
“Aunty lesedi dropped me off earlier on. She said they were going out of town otherwise I would have come back in the evening.” she explained.
“Did you see daddy there?” she asked me. I was too tired to discuss him now. I told her that we will discuss him later because I was too tired. She wanted to say more but I stopped her. I lay down on the couch and passed out immediately. I didn’t even shower or get a chance to change my clothes.
I woke up three hours later and as I headed upstairs I could hear my daughter on the phone. She was talking with a hushed voice and that is what made me suspicious and want to hear more. It’s rude I know but oh well.
“My mom is back to being secretive again. It’s like we don’t live in the same house!” she said talking on the phone. Whoever she was talking to seemed to have had a lot to say because I heard her say,
“No I am not telling her! She will kill me. Don’t forget she has met your mum!”
Who the hell was she talking to? Was it that boy who had come here before! He spoke some more then she said, “Look, it’s not you who had to lie that he had been raped and it’s not you that had to do the abortion. It was me! I have to live with the fact that I lied that someone had raped me when in actually fact he had not!”
What do I do now?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hey Ladies and Gents
Please we need more letters to keep the QnA going.
I am torn between 2 guys,not dating either of dem but I’m failing 2 decide on which 1 to go 4,guy1 is almost twice my age(41), financially stable and a bit wealthy he declares his love to me gives me his full attention and wants to marry me.Guy 2(32yrs) is broke but has potential as he is a very good fashion designer he just doesn’t have capital 2 start his own thing so he is currently working 4 sum1 nd earns peanuts,he also gives me his full attention nd love which basically makes it difficult 4 me 2 decide which 1 2 go for cos dey are both loving nd caring da only dfrnce is financial status.So should I go 4 da guy who is well off or da1 whom I will be required to start 4rm zero with ,should I choose da struggle or settle 4 comfort. I’m 23 by da way nd just got an internship so my life is only beginning.
Thanks a lot