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Why do people commit suicide? That is the worst punishment you give to people who love you and will be left to pick up the pieces. I know very well that life gets tough, its gets so tough that you feel as though there is no way out. At times you will feel like God doesn’t even see you, you are trapped in a life that you want to no longer live. It feels like no one understands your pain, some people turn your pain into a minor thing and ridicule you for even suggesting that it’s a problem. You end up drowning in depression, before you realise it you want to kill yourself and you actually do it.
What happens after you’ve committed suicide? Is there a surety that you will be happy in the after-life? What if you experience more pain and affliction because of your choice to end your life? Do not rob the world of your greatness. You deserve to live, the world needs you and that beautiful heart of yours.
If you find yourself in a web of depression please call someone or just see a therapist. If you can’t afford a therapist, maybe go to a social worker or church leader or a local support group. There are so many ways we can find help. Suicide isn’t the solution.
Seeing Tsiamo in the state that she was in, was very horrifying. We were both helpless, we cried and screamed. We searched for numbers to call, we were so confused. We then heard someone knock and they walked in. It was Philani and Tshepo, talk about perfect timing. They asked us what was going why were we crying, and we pointed them to Tsiamo.
They were not as emotional as we were, they ran towards her, climbed on her bed and got her off the ceiling. Tshepo felt her pulse and gave her a mouth-to-mouth, while Philani called the Ambulance. We were still crying hysterically, Tshepo told us to calm down because she was still alive. Juuuuu that was a huge relief, I would dread calling her mom. Imagine receiving a Phone-call, telling you that your daughter committed suicide. You would probably feel robbed, you would feel like you weren’t a good parent and you weren’t there enough for your daughter. We would have to explain to people for a long time what happened the day she died. We would have to explain:
- Where were we when she died?
- Why weren’t we with her at the braai?
- Why did she leave the church early?
- Why didn’t you both leave with her? Aren’t you guys her best friends?
- What were her last words to you?
- Please tell us what her letter said
We would explain this the week of her funeral, the week after and many months after her funeral, when we run into people who we haven’t seen for months.
Her death would have been the most horrific thing. My heart was doing jumping-jacks because she was alive.
We live in a sophisticated area, so the Ambulance was very quick. They took her to hospital, we followed them. I was going to call her mother, when she’s awake and gives me permission to do so. I didn’t want her mother to worry.
We sat there for hours, I was in Philani’s arms, and Sihle was in Tshepo’s arms. If your man’s arms don’t make you feel safe and protected, then honey you are with the wrong man. I could spend the entire day in Philani’s arms.
Me: I’m cold.
Philani: Okay love, let me go and take my jacket for you in the car.
Sihle: Where is Sugarplum going?
My friends referred to him as Sugarplum whenever I and he were good, but if he was irritating he was simply Philani. I used to call him sugarplum in the beginning of our relationship, I eventually outgrew it but on my phone he is still saved as ‘sugarplum’.
Me: He is going to fetch a jacket for me
Tshepo: Oh so you guys call us funny names when we aren’t around?
It was weird hearing Tshepo speak, this guy hardly says 2 words to me. He was a very quiet guy, the kind of guy you would take to your family because you would be sure that he would not embarrass you.
Me: Hahaha no, it’s not a funny name, he knows that I call him sugarplum.
Tshepo: I wonder what Sihle calls me when I’m not around.
Sihle: I call you Superman.
We all laughed at the name superman. She never called him Superman, she always referred to him as ‘uTshepo Wami’.
Tshepo: Hai mababy why superman? Why not batman or Spiderman? I don’t like superman.
What is the difference between superman, Spiderman and batman? They are all superheroes, so according to me they are all the same. Philani came back and gave me his jacket.
Sihle: Hahahaha it’s not about who you like. You are my superman angisho, so I will call you superman.
Philani: Who is Superman? Is it you Tshepo?
Tshepo nodded and we all laughed.
Philani: Chesa Superman.
Tshepo: Hahahahaha at least my pet name is manly, unlike some men who are called Sugarplum.
Tshepo: Yes, your lady calls you sugarplum.
Philani looked at me and shook his head dramatically, I just laughed. We continued to talk and laugh, it was very nice being with my man, friend and her man. We have never spent time as couples. Our boyfriends knew eachother and we knew each other’s boyfriends, but we were not the kind of couples who went on double dates, maybe things are about to change now. Tshepo was a very cool and sweet guy, I see why Sihle was so hooked.
Tsiamo’s doctor told us that Tsiamo was awake and fine, but they want to make more tests so that they know for sure that everything is fine with her. He told us we could go see her but we need to be quick because she needs to get some rest. We agreed and quickly rushed to her.
The guys just greeted her and told her to get better then they left, leaving Sihle and I alone with Tsiamo. There was some awkward silence and tension between us, we were glad that she was fine, but we were angry that she almost managed to commit suicide. We didn’t know what to say because she was so fragile and we couldn’t deter her healing process. After sitting there for a few minutes, she spoke.
Tsiamo: I’m sorry guys, I can see that you guys are angry.
Me: Tsia we aren’t angry, we are just worried about you.
Tsiamo: Thank you guys for saving my life. Thinking about it now, I took a very hasty decision. I can’t imagine the pain my family and you guys would be left with.
Me: Don’t worry about that now nana, just get better. What matters is that you are fine.
Tsiamo: Do other people know what happened today?
Me: No we didn’t tell other people because we didn’t want your mom to find out. It would be hard explaining to her what happened and what caused you to do it.
Tsiamo: Thank you guys, Sihle why are you quiet?
Sihle: I don’t have anything to say Tsiamo.
Tsiamo: But I said I’m sorry mos Sihle.
Me: Sihle is ok Tsiamo, don’t worry about her. Worry about yourself.
We sat with her for about 5 more minutes, then a nurse came to tell us that we should leave because Tsiamo needs to sleep.
We said our goodbyes and left. Philani asked me to sleep over at his house, so we went straight there. I wasn’t hungry, so while he was making himself some food I went to take a bath. After bathing I went to his room, while I was putting lotion my body he came in. He stood at the door and stared lustfully at me. The way he looked at me showed me that he wanted me, he wanted me badly. After putting on lotion, I walked towards him, he bit his lips.
Although I knew that Philani found me attractive, I always have a sting of low self-esteem when I’m naked. I’m not fat, I wear size 34. I don’t have a pot-belly, I have a flat tummy, a good ass and curves. I however wish I had a Nicki Minaj ass. I wanted to be the girl who wears size 36 because of a big booty and big curves, and wear size 34 in my upper body.
Philani pulled me towards him and kissed me. His hands were on my waist, then he put them on my ass, he brushed my ass.
Philani: You are so sexy.
After he said this I grew a bit of confidence.
We kissed while walking towards to bed and one thing led to another.
We had sex the whole night, it was a sexathon. I was enjoying myself, and I was becoming a pro in pleasing my man. They way he groaned like a lion when I was on top of him proved to me that I was getting extremely good at this. After having multiple rounds of explosive sex, we slept.
In the morning I woke up before him, went to brush my teeth quickly. After brushing my teeth, I sneaked up from the bottom of the covers and woke him up by giving him a blow-job. I didn’t like it, but my sister advised me to never deny him a good blow-job.
He woke up and when I was done, we had another round of sex. We went to shower together and he had to rush to work, I promised him that he would find me home when heshe gets back and we would pick off where we left off.
I made breakfast and watched TV, I kept contact with Philani throughout the day, sending him racy messages and pictures of my body. I wanted to be on his mind the whole day.
Sihle knocked off early at work and she asked me to meet her in hospital to see Tsiamo, she didn’t want to go alone. I called a maxi-taxi that left me at the hospital, I met with Sihle at the reception area.
We went to Tsiamo’s room and she said she doesn’t want to eat the hospital’s food. Sihle went to buy her food at a take-away outlet. When she came back, we all ate.
Tsiamo’s doctor came to the room.
Doctor: Tsiamo everything is fine, you will be discharged tomorrow, but you need to see a therapist. I recommend you see our resident therapist, she is very good.
We promised the doctor that we would make sure that she will go and see the therapist.
The Doctor walked out, after 5 minutes she came back and said
Oh I almost forgot to tell you that your baby is fine. Your condition fortunately didn’t harm your baby.
Huuuuu what baby?
Tsiamo was pregnant…….