I do not feel ashamed to say I felt relieved that I had told my daughter that I wanted her to abort her abomination. Whoever thinks that that a child that came out of rape is God’s blessing to you or a silver lining out of a bad situation is delusional! Not in this economy and life time. Forget the violation for a moment and just focus on the expense of it all. South Africa has become so expensive to raise a child very soon people will be more than content to have one child and even then that’s questionable. What will you feed them with let alone clothe them? The smart Alecs of this world will ask what about kids in Somalia with less but I will remind them that we are not in Somalia, we are here! Children having children is something I have never supported and can never support. Why? Because adults having children often struggle at it so how does that help us then if they do. I might be an evil person for doing what I did but I was protecting my daughter from the unknown.
“What happened with Lintle? I went to check on her and I found her crying in her room? Is it about her grandfather?”
Sizwe asked when he walked into the room. I was sitting on the dressing table facing the mirror. I did not want to lie down with all these emotions in me because it would only make me cry. I had to show strength and steady resolve in this moment.
“I told Lintle that I don’t want that baby!”
I said with my voice cracking from the burden of what I had just told her.
“Wow! How did she take it?”
He asked me,
“You did say she is crying right?”
I retorted. It just felt like a dumb question on his part.
“What if she pulls her stunts and runs away or worse? Did you think about that before you made your speech?”
He asked me. I could see he was trying to tread carefully by the way he asked. There was no conviction in his voice. I had really scared my family with my outburst clearly.
“I don’t think she will. I told her if she runs away we will not look for her and that if she harms herself we not paying!”
I did not want to look at him in the face as I knew he probably would disapprove. It was his way.
“Nothabo when was the last time you danced with me?”
He asked me. Ok that was random considerring the moment we were in. Was he trying to take my mind off things. I told him I could not remember because he was a bad dancer so what was the point of keeping bad memories. He laughed at me and said that was the best dance alive and right now he wanted to dance with me. Imagine, I was still so angry but this fool, my fool, wanted me in his arms.
“I have the perfect song for us so just go with the flow ok!”
Mad as I was I could not help but warm up a bit to him and his suggestion. It almost felt as though he had not been here when the fight went down. He took out his phone so seriously you would have thought it was made of gold.
“I don’t know if you know the song baby or if you will even understand it but you know what, I will put it on repeat jut to share this one dance with my beautiful wife!”
He was being romantic. You would think I had done something special or great. Maybe it was our anniversary and I had just forgotten. He was being weird.
“Ok then, surprise me!”
I said pensively.
“First stand up and come here because it will be a slow dance!”
I laughed and told him that he could only slow dance but he ignored. He pulled me into his arms and he pressed play and adjusted the volume to loud. The song played…
Uyal’uba sithandane, silal’ emadongeni
Ndibanjwa nguwe uyal’uba sthandane
I think I had heard this song before but I was not sure. It was very familiar. Problem is I hardly go out and when I listen to the radio in the car I listen to talk radio. I could not deny the beauty of the song though and being in the arms of the man I loved just made it even more priceless. After playing twice I asked,
“Who is the artist?”
He responded and said,
“The song is Nomvula by Nathi!”
He let go of me and kissed me on the lips before continuing to go on and say,
“I just wanted to remind you that everything will be ok.”
He said and he walked away and went to shower. I replayed the song. I am not fluent in Xhosa but who cares, it was so beautiful. It’s like Sizwe at that moment knew what to say and exactly what I needed to hear.
“I am coming to join you in the shower so we can save water…”
I teased as I entered the bathroom to join him. I let the song play on repeat.
In the morning I found Lintle already ready for school she did not say anything to me nor I to her. I was not going to either because she had to make that decision on her own. I busied myself as I got ready for work. I was starting a bit late so I took my time. Sizwe came downstairs where I was having my morning coffee.
“I want to go see Nelisa today if you don’t mind?”
He said pouring himself a cup. For a man who got laid last night he knew how to turn me off from having a good day ahead. Why would I be eager for him to go there but I did not fight him. He could have a blast there for all I cared.
“Sizwe do you think you could ever have a 9 to 5 again?”
I asked him changing the topic. The problem with me who do tenders is that they have too much time on their hands.
“You are joking right? I thought we agreed that you do the 9 to 5 and I take the risk. By the looks of things we have done really well with this setup so why change it?”
He clearly had no intention of ever going back to work again. It just felt as though he needed more to do than just attend briefing and so on. He had made good money off it but realistically how long will that last.
“Do you want me to go back to work?”
He asked me. I knew it was a trick question but I answered anyway,
“Yes I would hey. It will give you something to do love but the choice is yours!”
I said and I left for work. I can’t do this house husband thing anymore. He must see the world. When i got to work Zethu was waiting for me. She wanted to hear what had happened when they left. I told her everything and how I had kicked out my father. She was stunned that Sibongile was dating my father and even more shocked that I had allowed her to stay in the house. Her exact words were,
“If she was dating my father and had shown up at my house I swear I would have poured boiling water on her whilst she was sleeping!”
By the look on her face she was not kidding. She told me I was too nice that’s why these people think they can do whatever they want in front of me. She was kind of right on that front. I had let people overrun me. I did not tell her that I had instructed Lintle to abort because I did not need an unnecessary argument about wrong and right.
“Your brother was not the happiest person yesterday. It’s a good thing I didn’t drink a lot. I drove home. He did not say a word. I tried to ask him why he was so angry at your father but he told me to stay out of his business! What’s going on?”
Zethu always liked answers. She was impatient and never took time to figure things out for herself. I told her that it was my brother’s story to tell not mine so she should ask him. I could see she didn’t like the response but oh well; she will just have to be strong.
“I told you that you would never be able to control my brother but you will find out for yourself.”
I warned her yet again. She laughed it off and she said she already had him where she wanted. Oh well, she was not learning. I did not have a busy day today but had to do a lot of things in town. I made sure I left early to avoid traffic. It took me a few hours to get done and just before I was finished I got a call from Sizwe. He had perfect timing because if he had called a few minutes later I would have left.
“Love you better come here quick? Where are you?”
I was in the banking district in Braam so it was not too far. I asked him I it w really necessary and he said that this I had to see for myself because he was at a loss for words himself. What was he on about? He said he was not going to say why over the phone. I had not wanted to see Nelisa so I guess this was his way of getting me there. I was having a better day than I had hoped for so I did not mind going. Just have to swallow my pride.
When I got to Milpark I knocked on the door. It was my husband who opened for me. Why was he so vague though? In moments I knew why.
“You got to be fucken kidding me!”
I said with utter shock!
Sitting on the couch was Sibongile!
Nelisa immediately stood up and glared at me saying,
“What the fuck do you want here? You kicked my friend out like a dog in the middle of the night! Get out of my house! You are so proud yet you have nothing!”
She cursed at me.
“Nelisa watch your tongue!”
My husband stepped in immediately but she was not done,
“Oh else what? So that your wife can tell you what to do? She is proud and vile and thinks she is better than everyone else! In fact both of you get out!”
She screamed at the top of her lungs! I didn’t mind at all but I could not figure out something,
How did Nelisa know Sibongile?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading this and wow, love your work,
Side kancane but I will try to summaries it. I never knew my mother till I was 23 one of those khumbul’ekhaya stories.
So when I found her I visited her in Free State for a week and we kept contact. 2014 I fell pregnant so I figure this will be a good time to bond and spend some time together. Ok she came to PTA we stay together now. My mom is that I don’t care person or she is free like that cos she brings different boyfriends here not that I ever complained about it to her but I feel she doesn’t respect as her child I don’t think I should be seeing her behaviour.
I was raised by a very strict person so it’s hard to accept her as she is.
She stopped taking her HIV meds and when I try to talk to her she feels that I’m telling her how to live her life. And now she is not talking to me cos she feels like I’m disrespecting her cos I wake up late I don’t clean to her satisfaction. She also said she is stuck here because of me. So mina I just want leave her and go back to my family that raised me cos clearly we are not getting along.
So now is I feel ukuthi I owe her at least transport money to go back to free state not that she said she wanted to go back but I feel guilty that I will leave her here I won’t afford her transport fare hence I’m not working and they will be sending me the money to back home.
I know it’s a long read. But I just needed to get this off my chest and here what other ppl think.