Growing Up – Chapter Ten

Posted on Posted in Growing Up Relevant

Morning friends. We will not be posting Realities or Rumblings for the duration of the week. We would like to give Growing Up Relevant a fair run on its own before it returns to its original Sunday slot. We hope you enjoy it.


For this Christmas we have enough books that got delivered from the publisher. We are having a special for November andDecember. We have 8500 copies on our online store, this makes for a perfect gift. This is for the HARD COPY. If you want to do things the traditional way, here are the banking details:
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Send your book order and proof of payment to

The price is R165 per copy. Use this coupon code for the discount amount: doazg

Thank you & God bless


People should learn to check before they send an sms, simply because it might end up in the wrong phone. My sister once sent me an sms that was meant for Philani. I know you are wondering why my sister was texting Philani. Well they were planning to throw me a surprise 21st birthday party. I vaguely remember what the message said, but she was telling him that my gift has been paid for and it will arrive at the end of the party. She only found out after the party that I knew they were throwing me a party, so that part wasn’t a surprise. I was however, surprised by the gift she bought me. She bought me a car, a red Hyundai i20. It’s nothing fancy, but it was the best gift for me because it helped me a lot with my business. Travelling by taxi was difficult with these disrespectful taxi drivers.

The message Philani sent was clearly not meant for me. I was angry because he called her beautiful and amazing. What was amazing about her? She wasn’t even beautiful. Okay I’m lying, she was beautiful but there was nothing amazing about her. This message also proved to me that there was more going on between them than I thought. I have been nothing but loyal to Philani, he shouldn’t cheat on me. Don’t use what happened between the Pastor and me against me, according to Thandiwe’s definition of cheating, it doesn’t count as cheating. But on a lighter note though, he chose me; he told her that he doesn’t want to lose me. But he probably chose me because I opened my cookie for him, so was this was the only way I was going to keep my man happy? Tjo!

I wanted him to know that he sent the text to the wrong person, so I sent him an sms and simply said: “Love you sent the text to the wrong woman.” He didn’t respond after that. I called my sister to check up on her, she said she was fine but she was busy so she was going to call me later.

It was getting late, so I decided to cook supper. As I was chopping, Sihle came back, went to change and came to help me. I felt obliged to tell her that I was no longer a virgin. Sihle was the closest friend I have and unlike Tshiamo, she was not a judgemental fool.

Me: “I did the deed with Philani last night.”

Sihle: “Which deed?”

Me: “Sigwagwazile” (we had sex)

I didn’t look at her when I said this because I had always vowed to be a virgin until my wedding night, so I was afraid of what she might say.

Sihle: “Yoh how did he manage to melt the virgin ice-queen?”

Me: “I don’t know. I guess it was bound to happen at some point, and he was getting tired of our non-sexual relationship.”

Sihle: “Okay, how are you feeling now that you’ve had sex?”

Me: “I don’t know how I feel. Part of me feels guilty, I feel like I have turned back on everything I believe in. But it was good to see Philani happy.”

Sihle: “So you were doing this for Philani?”

Me: “Yes, I was doing it for him. Although a part of me thinks I made a hasty decision, I know that I have always been inquisitive and wanted to have it already. Besides my Christian conviction, I think I didn’t want to have sex because we were told that a man would quickly marry you if you didn’t give it to him. That hasn’t worked for me, so I had to try another method.”

Sihle: “I’m happy that you guys have taken the next step in your relationship, but never use sex to manipulate a man. You can’t use sex as a method to get a man to marry you. Even if you give him sex every day and night, he won’t marry you if he isn’t ready.”

Me: “Okay I hear you but I think if sex doesn’t get him ready, then he will never be ready.”

Sihle: “I guess love will get him ready. Hlengy do you realise that you are 22 going on 23? You aren’t 42, so I don’t understand why you are worried about getting married. Philani will marry you when he is sure that you guys are both ready for that step. Don’t rush for marriage, wait and it will happen in the right time.”

You see why I love Sihle? She was able to speak sense and make you see your wrongs without making you feel bad or judged. What I didn’t understand about her was the fact that she wasn’t bothered whether she gets married or not, she was chilled about marriage. Which was totally weird for a Christian girl. Most of us Christian girls sizifunela imishado ande siyifuna manje hayi ksasa (want to get married and we want to get married now). We don’t have time to wait on the Lord. Married couples parade their happiness at church, even on social networks. How can we not want that? They post their beautiful pictures, happiness is evident. Posting a picture of myself and Philani on social networks normally gets me an average of 150 likes, but when this other couple from church post their picture they get an average of 300 likes. Guys it’s not even about the likes, but what I’m trying to show you guys is that marriage is a beautiful thing. It doesn’t even help us that the elders at most churches treat marriage like a massive achievement. One could buy a brand new car, a house and get promoted at work all in one week, and another one get engaged or married, people will congratulate the married one more than the one with the new car. That is the reality in the church of today.

While we were talking my sister called me, we spoke about her pregnancy. I also told her about what happened with Philani. She was shocked and happy at the same time.

Thenjiwe: “How was it dear?”

Me: “It was painful, very painful.”

Thenjiwe: “What did you expect? It was your first time, it will get better with time. You will enjoy it very soon. You must learn new things in the bedroom ke, so that you don’t both get bored. You must watch porn to familiarise yourself with different styles.”

I shrieked in shock, and Thenjiwe laughed.

Thenjiwe: “What? Nana I’m telling you, you must teach yourself new things. We will talk when you come and see me about this, but right now a priority for you should be going to your doctor and getting contraceptives that you prefer. You can’t always be sure that you will use a condom, so you have to be safe.”

Me: “We already have had sex without a condom but it was just once.”

Thenjiwe: “What? What will you do if you get pregnant? Do you know his HIV status?

Hlengiwe: “No, I don’t know his HIV status, but he is probably negative. I won’t fall pregnant because we bought the morning-after pill.”

Thenjiwe: “So you think getting morning-after pills is enough? What about HIV or other STI’s? Hlengiwe please don’t make me mad ne, you can’t have unprotected sex when you don’t know his status. To say he is probably negative is the most ignorant thing I’ve heard you say. Please take that man of yours to the nearest clinic and both check your status. Don’t make me come and get you.”

After saying this she hung up, she was obviously angry. I made a mental note to go to see a doctor very soon. What my sister said hit me hard. I didn’t know whether Philani was negative or not. I didn’t want my sister to be stressed about me, so I sent her a text, assuring her that I would go to see a doctor first thing in the morning. Her response was: “Okay, you better do that!”

I decided to call Philani, the phone was answered by a woman. Yoh, I immediately turned red with anger, who was that now? I don’t think there is a woman who would say she doesn’t get uncomfortable when she calls a man and a woman answers. You never know how to react to that. You might be rude, then it turns out it was his sister or friend and we all don’t want to appear as rude and insecure girlfriends to his family and friends. I chose to be polite, Philani already thought I was dramatic, so I didn’t want to prove him right.

Girl: “Hello.”

Me: “Hello, how are you?”

Girl: “I’m fine thanks and you?”

Me: “I’m good. May I please speak to Philani?”

Girl: “Okay, hold on.”

She called him and he came. If he was so close by why did she then answer this call? Some girls are just disrespectful.

Philani: “Hi Angel. I know you are angry about the text I sent you, I’m sorry but it’s not what it seems.”

Me: “Philani don’t Angel me right now. You have alot of explaining to do regarding the sms. But I’m not calling you about that. I want us to have an HIV test, and I also want to get contraceptives.”

Philani: “I think you read my mind. I wanted to tell you to start using contraceptive because I don’t want to use a condom. Why should we do an HIV test though? Baby you know I’m negative.”

Me: “No, I don’t know that Philani, I want to be 100% sure, or else we will never have sex again.”

He agreed with me and promised that he will take the day off on Friday, then we will be able to go.

I went back to the kitchen, and I heard Tshiamo’s voice coming from the lounge. Sihle was in the kitchen minding her own business, so who was she talking to?

Me: “Who is Tshiamo talking to?”

Sihle: “She is talking to her boyfriend Mlu.”

I went to the lounge to greet them, and they were busy kissing and touching. I became very disgusted phela this was the same Mlu that impregnanted Thando. Must I confront him before he hurts my friend? Should I tell Tshiamo or Thando? Or should I just mind my own business?

44 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter Ten

  1. You guys are being dramatic though hey, the worst??? amatuer??? No man. How is she supposed to feel. constructive criticism people

    1. Thank you Wethu abanye sebenokuzenza oSiyaz noMaster mind lana akenehlise ukuzenza osiyaz bakwethu Khanyi akasiye uMike & abasoze bafana,period…Mike plz help her out with the rest of the team ukuze osiyaz balay’khaya bethathe amaChill Pill

  2. Eish I read the whole post and and wanted to stop a couple of times but decided to just give it a try but at the end I felt that I wasted my time…. The story line is very flat, Mike please brainstorm with Khanyi and help her because I think her story has a potential but she’s surely missing it….

    Anyway thanks for giving other people a chance to grow as writers

  3. I don’t care wht u guys say, mare ds book suxx… khanyi plisss go bk to posting on Sundays,u killing our schedule wth ur relevant wht wht…….

  4. 1. Can she stop writing in a dialogue format. Feels like I am watching a boring telemudo..

    2. Dialogue makes u write unnecessary things (hello, how are u) like really… (we greeted would have been much better)..

    3. Would like to believe this blog’s target market is not primary school kids, so can we not have to read such childish writing…

    Mike, take Khanyi under your wing. Please change the way she writes this story.. Move away from the (me, her) situation…

  5. Mxm, Philani sent this sms on purpose. Why didn’t he call Hlengiwe first thing to explain. Hlengy is being played lana. Hlengy must tell her judgemental friend about the Mlu situation.

  6. Mike, is there any difference between the books and this blogs?

    Please give Khanyi some tips man, you spoiling our day now… we need you for week days…

    and another thing, since she posts only on Sundays, can she please do it early in the morning before church?

    From 37 with love

  7. I honestly thought I was the only one who’s not warming up to this story. It’s badly written and i feel like I’m not the target market (I’m 24) and that is perfectly fine. As a PhD candidate I read and write for most of my days and although I don’t expect everyone to write like an academic this story is enough to put me off this blog.

    However Mike you deserve an applause for posting on time and consistently.

  8. So what if Khanyi is an amateur? Atleast she tried. Let’s stop complaining and give her a chance. Trust Mike’s team to groom her, and also she has her own uniqueness. No offends,I dare you to start writing a blog and let’s see. Probably some of y’all wouldnt even last a week. Smh

  9. Thanks Kanyi
    Wats intriguing is Hlengis moral sense. reminds of an ex who saw nothing wrong in others peoples behaviors. and i knew it was a matter of time till her(my) pussy gets chowed. Showing sfebe tendencies. just got fingered day after breaking virginity OMG.
    I am waiting for someone to comment about how some churches have turned to brothels #realtalk theirs a pastor renting a flat in midrand to just bang worshipers and their wives.

  10. People if you don’t like her please stop reading GUR. Don’t you have anything to do with your precious time??? Find something worthwhile to do and stop with the negative criticism

  11. Just as missteps and realities have its target group.. growing up does too. I pride myself in having read more than 2000 books n I never read nonsense. I’m 27 and every week I can’t wait for Sunday to Read Growing up! Finally a story that I can relate to. I’m a university graduate mind you. So if it does not appeal to u do the right thing and keep ur comments to yourself unless it’s constructive.

  12. Nna I honestly don’t see anything wrong with ‘Growing Up’. I mean….every writer has their own style of writing and this is Khanyi’s style…as Thozama and Mike also have different styles. We have different kind of writers….with different kinds of styles…because at the end of the day…writers too are individuals and artists within their rights. Insulting these writes…won’t make them bad writers nor will it change how they write. If one doesn’t like the story…they should stop reading and wait for the ones they like. DO NOT IMPOSE YOUR PERCEPTION ON THE WRITERS….IT IS YOURS KEEP!

    KHANYI. …ubhala kahle sisi. …DON’T LET THESE comments get to you….Siyabonga TEAM!

  13. But guys u don’t have to b like dis lets support Khanyi we all miss our blogs but give her a chance.thanks Khanyi for your hard work,we hope that Mike and team will pull u with your hand,im enjoying your work.

  14. Easier said than done. Khanyi you are doing a great job, keep it up. You are so much better than these negative commentators. Let them write their own. They are just jealous of your work shame. I can understand constructive criticism. Press on girl!

  15. Thank you Khanyi. I honestly think it’s a good storyline and it’s building up every week. Even when Missteps started people were very negative about it,and said they didn’t relate .

  16. Honestly I do not see anything wrong with this story its doing well for me so fare, if people want to complain they can go and try read all those other dodgy “Diary ka sban ban” blogs on FB… as for this one Khanyi is doing ok and she will get better as the chapters keep coming. I hope Khanyi does not capitulate to all the negative comments and keeps writing the way she is. One thing I would appreciate though Khanyi is that you give us more cliff hangers at the end of each chapter and that way the complainers will keep coming back till they love the story. In a nutshell though the story is good and Mike and the team will support you till you are at your best. Good Luck CC.

  17. Aowa mara if motho ga batlo bala why osa stop? We dont want to hear you complains, some of us like her work the way it is, so why should she change to suit people complaining? I believe we all have a favourite story here. What you like someone myt not like. . Wait for your favourite and let others enjoy their favourite

  18. But what is “constructive” criticism if it bears no truth fam??. Growing up evidently doesn’t keep up to the standards set by Mike and Thozama’s writings, whether you agree or keep trying to buy face.
    However I won’t be too quick to disqualify Khanyi. She has potential yes, but we can’t keep holding on to mere potential.
    Telling her to work on her dialogue usage isn’t constructive enough….then what is constructive?!!

  19. I believe Khanyi can take all the criticism and use it positively to improve herself.

    I am reading the story because I find this dating thing in churches very strange since I go to a church where such is not allowed at all. It’s an eye opener on what goes on out there.

    Hehehe even the apostle is after girls ai #clapsOnce

  20. I really think Khanyi’s work has potential, she’ll get the hang of it in time. All writers had to start somewhere as amateurs, they made mistakes and rectified them. I love khanyi’s work and this is her own style of writing, if u not enjoying it, then don’t read it at all instead of being nasty. Keep it up doll

  21. Some ppl will be spiteful even jealousy bcz UR doing something they can’t do or have never tempted to do in ther lyf.

    Some however don’t know how to tell U to improve without sounding hateful/rude.

    Some will encourage U to achieve more & point @yo errors where U can improve.

    Then some will lie in yo face just to please U & not sound bad in yo books.

    U need to be strong Khanyi.
    Sieve the good from all the bad comments UR getting & use them to build yo skill & improve yoself. If it won’t kill U, it will definitely strengthen U.
    A strong man/woman is one who can build an empire from stones & bricks others throw at him/her. Gud luck! – PapaG

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