We all have had that moment where we wish we could just disappear, I needed to disappear and not return. This was definitely not going to end well for me. I was going to lose both my men, eish no I mean I was going to lose my man Philani. I couldn’t afford to lose Philani, he is a complete package. He’s handsome, tall, sweet, understanding, God-fearing and most importantly he is loaded. If I marry Philani I will be securing a comfortable life for myself and my kids. Let’s be honest ladies we all want a rich guy, even the girls that are stuck with broke guys secretly wish they had a rich man. Given half a chance they would date a rich man. No matter how handsome a guy is, money is still important, after all ubuhle be ndoda busezi kwameni zakhe (direct translation would be-a man’s beauty lies in his pocket), this is an old saying and it clearly shows that even our great-grand parents knew the importance of getting married to a man with money. So I couldn’t lose my dear Philani.
While this hot Apostle was walking towards us Philani asked me what he was doing there and I just shrugged my shoulders. I was really nervous; I could feel my palms getting wet.
Thulani: “Good day my son and daughter”
This man was probably only a year or two older than Philani, how can he then call him son? It doesn’t make sense to me. Philani and I went out of the car to greet the Apostle.
Philani: “What brings you here my Apostle?”
Thulani: “My son, the Spirit of the Lord brought me to this place. I somehow knew that you are coming to this place. So instead of calling you, I thought it was just better if I wait for you here.”
Ehhh I was confused now. Didn’t he just send me a message saying I must come outside? He specifically said he was there to see me but I thought he was there to see me since he sent the message. Why would he say I must come outside if he actually wanted to see my man? This man was either using God’s name to execute his lies or he was genuinely telling the truth. It didn’t matter though, as long as I was not in trouble with Philani.
Philani: “Glory to God, how can I assist the Apostle?”
Thulani: “As you know the congregation is growing, so we need the church building to grow. I need your assistance in contacting various construction companies for quotes. I don’t normally ask for assistance in such things but I think it’s better if I ask for help.”
Philani: “Okay man of God. I will start today during lunch at work, and I will give you feedback in the afternoon. I must go now because I’m already late.”
Thulani: “Thank you very much Philani. You can’t be late for work because we don’t want them to fire you; we need your still need your tithe.” After saying this, they both laughed. He said this as if he was joking but he was serious. It would be a lie to say that Pastors don’t need our tithe; they need it as much as we need our pay at the end of the month.
Philani: “Of course man of God. Hlengy I think it would be rude if the man of God leaves without having breakfast or at least a cup of water. Please organise him something to eat.”
Ehhh mara uPhilani yezi nxxxla. Why was he trying to please his Pastor at my expense? Couldn’t he have asked me privately away from the Pastor? There was no way I was going to decline now without sounding rude or making Philani suspicious. This isn’t the 1st time Philani does this to me.
One day we were visiting his friend and fiancé, who were going to get married. They were telling us about their weeding plans; they told us that they haven’t found a person who is going to do the bride’s make-up and nails. That isn’t our problem right? Well not according to Philani. Right there and then he made an announcement that shocked me. He told them that I, Hlengiwe Zulu, won’t mind doing the make-up and nails. I don’t mind doing my job, I love it but Philani went on to tell them that I was going to do it for free, so they were going to save money. I was lost for words, Philani uyaphapha straight. The girl was so happy she hugged me and thanked me. I wouldn’t mind doing this for a friend for free, but this girl wasn’t my friend, our men were friend, not us. I was so angry, Philani clearly didn’t understand that I was running a business not a charity. I had to have a serious talk with this man, before he made me do extreme things in front of people.
Me: “Baby I’m sure the Apostle has places he has to go. You can’t waste his time for a simple breakfast. You can’t leave him here alone with me.”
Philani: “No baby, if he has somewhere to go then he would have said so, and your house will be blessed if you welcome the man of God into your house.”
Thulani: “Matthew 10 verse 40 says ‘Anyone who welcomes you welcomes me and anyone who welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me.’ Don’t worry my daughter; I’m not going to bite you.”
Philani: “It’s settled then, I must leave now. I will call you later Apostle.”
With that said Philani went to his car and drove away. It pained me to see how he didn’t suspect anything. I didn’t want to be left alone with the Apostle, I knew that the house was empty because my friends left extra early for work especially on Monday’s. But maybe it was a good thing that I was left with him, I would be able to tell him to stop with his stupid smses and phone calls and that the kiss was a silly moment of weakness, I was very happy with Philani.
I walked to the house and he followed me.
Thulani: “Finally we are alone, I thought he wouldn’t leave. How are you beautiful?”
Me: “I’m fine Apostle. But I don’t appreciate the way you speaking about my man. You can’t disrespect my man and expect me to be happy about it. I don’t even understand why you lied and said the Spirit of the Lord directed you here while you know very well that you were here to see me.”
Thulani: “I told you to stop calling me Apostle. When I’m with you, I’m Thulani your man not Apostle.”
My man? My man was Philani, no one else. One kiss and a few stupid smses did not in any way qualify him to be my man.
Thulani: “And what makes you say I lied about being led by the Spirit of God?”
Me: “You sent me a sms telling me that you are outside.”
Thulani: “So how does sending you a sms make me a liar?”
Me: “It was obvious that you were here to see me but you used God’s name and lied to Philani. You should be ashamed of yourself. What kind of a man are you? You try your luck on a man’s girlfriend then you look him straight in the eye and lie? You are disgusting. What kind of a Pastor are you? A lying, manipulating Pastor.”
At this point I was raising my voice, and pointing at him. He just stood there and waited for me to finish, when I was done, he then responded.
Thulani: “Sweetheart please never raise your voice when you talk to me, I’m not one of your little boyfriends. I’m a man you speak to me, you don’t shout at me. I didn’t say I was here to see you, I just asked you to come outside because I wanted you to give me Philani’s number. But if you don’t believe me that’s your problem, not mine. I think it’s better if I leave you in peace. Bye Hlengiwe.”
He remained very calm while saying this, after he walked out. I felt like a fool, not only for accusing him but for also raising my voice like a straatmate. I don’t know what came over me but I ran after him. I normally don’t do that, if you walk away, I let you go. I don’t have time to run after people. But here I was, running like a cheetah after a man that wasn’t even mine. I got to him before he opened his door.
Me: “Apostle Thulani please wait, I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you. I don’t know what’s wrong with me I’m really sorry. Please don’t leave, stay for breakfast.”
I looked at him pleadingly while holding his hands.
Thulani: “Okay I will stay. But learn to speak to a man; I won’t deal with a bad attitude.”
We walked back to the house and I made him breakfast. When I gave him the breakfast, he just took one bite and pushed it away. I became worried, maybe my food was bad.
Me: “Is there something wrong with your food Thulani.”
Thulani: “Yes, the eggs are undercooked, the bacon is too crispy, and the sausages are dry.”
Me: “But you didn’t tell me how you liked your breakfast.”
Thulani: “You didn’t ask me Hlengiwe.”
Yoh that was rude, it made me angry. I made him breakfast based on how I like it. I just stood up took his plate and threw it away. I’m joking I didn’t throw it away, I put it away I was going to eat it later that day. He followed me to the kitchen and told me to take the things out of the fridge; I didn’t have the energy to argue with him. He began to show me how he wants his food done. His bread must be toasted for 2 minutes, his sausages and bacon should be undercooked and the eggs must be well cooked. He was just unnecessarily fussy. I left him to eat his breakfast; I wanted him to see that I wasn’t interested in him. After a while he called my name, I went to him, he thanked me for breakfast and asked for a glass of tap water. As I was pouring the water, he hugged me from behind. His hands immediately made me weak. He kissed my neck and told how beautiful I was. I put the glass down, turned around and wrapped my arms around his neck. Our lips met, and he placed me on top of the table. We continued to kiss; I was a dress that was a bit above the knees, so he moved the dress up. He began to brush my thighs very gently; he then moved his hands to my cookie. He pushed my panty to the side and inserted his finger and I moaned a bit. He began to put his fingers to good use, just when I was beginning to enjoy myself. He removed his hands, stopped kissing me, said goodbye to me and walked out of the house.