Growing Up Relevant

Growing Up – Chapter 17

In this day and age I didn’t think that there were people who were forced to marry or propose marriage. Ubab’fundisi had to be joking. I firstly didn’t understand why he had to apologise to the church? How did he embarrass the church? I understand that he brought shame to their family but he surely didn’t embarrass the church. This was between their families. I also didn’t understand why he had to propose in front of the church. What would be achieved by doing that? What was the aim of a church proposal, to show people or does it give people a certain fulfilment that they will receive approval from God. I have seen a trend among Christians, especially Sunday afternoon, they post pictures of people who propose marriage in church. Isn’t a marriage proposal supposed to be between the two of you as a couple? If Philani would propose to me in front of my people, especially church folks, I would agree without even thinking about it thoroughly. The pressure of having people around who expect you to say yes is not good. You would also look like a bad person if you publicly said no, the church would accuse you of wanting to continue to live in sin. I don’t think I would be pleased with a man who would do that to me. But we are all different, some women would think it’s so christromantic (if there is such a word) of a man to propose in church, in front of everyone.

Bab’fundisi was putting pressure on Mlu, I wonder what Thando would think of this.

Thandiwe: Dad you got to be kidding me, you can’t be serious. You can’t force them to get married.
Bab’fundisi: Thandiwe this doesn’t involve you.
Thandiwe: How can it not involve me? Thandow is my twin, we are one. If you marry her off, it affects me more than you realise.
Mam’fundisi: Baba I think we should discuss this at home together first, and let’s allow Mlu and Thando to deal with this the way that seems proper to them. They were old enough to make this babay, now they must be able to deal with the consequences.
Bab’fundisi: Okay nkosikazi. (Okay my wife)

Mam’fundisi knew how to calm her husband down. After this there was an awkward silence.

Sihle: How are Thando and the baby?

I almost forgot that the main reason we were there was because of Thando’s bleeding. It happens to most of us though, we come for one thing and end up being distracted. It’s like someone getting engaged at another person’s wedding. Talk about a spotlight thief. How disrespectful is that though, a wedding day is for the bride and groom. Do not come and steal their spotlight. Why don’t you propose the day after the wedding, or a week after? Is the engagement so urgent? I think we have all experienced a situation where our focus was on a certain thing, then suddenly something else takes the spotlight and steals our focus from where it should be. This is what was happening to us right now, for a moment there we had forgotten that Thando and her baby were in danger a few hours ago.

Thandiwe: They are fine, the doctor says it was probably stress that caused the bleeding, but they are keeping here overnight for observation. You know they can’t be too sure when it comes to babies.

That was a relief, I thought she was going to lose her baby. That would be the saddest thing ever.

Mlu: May I please go and see her?
Thandiwe: You are mad, you want to stress her out?
Mlu: No man, I want to see the mother of my baby, I promise I won’t stress her out.
Thandiwe: I don’t trust you, I will go in with you.
Mam’fundisi: Hai that will be unnecessary Thandiwe, you don’t need to babysit them. We are going back home now, Thandiwe you are coming with us.
Thandiwe: Hai mama I will catch up with you guys later, it’s not like I came with you here.
Mam’fundisi: I won’t argue with you Thandiwe. Mlu you will take Sihle and Hlengiwe back home.
Thandiwe: Hai mama you are such a bore. Hlengs I will fetch Thando’s car tomorrow.

Obviously he was going to take us back home, he was the one who came with us. Adults like giving out instructions even whenthey know you were going to do exactly what they are telling you to do. They will tell you to wash the dishes, when you know very well that it is your duty to wash them. We walked back to the hospital.

Mlu: Ladies can I please talk to Thando alone, you guys can join us after 5 minutes.

He went in, while we stood outside the ward and wait for him. We waited for about 10 minutes until Sihle decided that it was time to go in, so we went in. We walked into her room, and we found them kissing. Ehhh seriously mara? They were busy making out, so they solved their problems in a matter of about 10 minutes… their love must really be strong.
We cleared our throats to announce our arrival, they were both startled. We went in and made some small talk, then left because it was getting late.

On the way home Mlu asked us for advice on what kind of ring should he get her, and where he should get it. We gave him our suggestions and ended up agreeing that he shouldn’t propose at church because that would pressure Thando. He was really excited that her parents now knew that he was the father of the baby. We had fun on the way home, all the mess he caused was forgotten. He seemed like he genuinely loved Thando, but I was now worried about Tsiamo who seemed to have put in all her claws, hopes and dreams in Mlungisi. How was she going to react when she finds out that they are going to get married? It would break her if he proposed at church, it was best that he didn’t. He also had to find a way he was going to break up with her because we were definitely not going to do it for him.

When we arrived, we found Tsiamo awake watching TV, her eyes were bloodshot red, she has probably been crying.
Tsiamo: How is Thando?
Me: She is fine.
Tsiamo: How is she taking the loss?
Me: What loss?
Tsiamo: The baby. How is she taking losing the baby?
Me: She didn’t lose her baby, they are both fine.
Tsiamo: Oh!
Sihle: Heeee did you want the baby to die? Such cruelty.
Tsiamo: No, I just thought… you know.
Sihle: No we don’t know.
Me: Sihle don’t. Guys let’s all go to sleep, it has been a long day.

We all went to our beds, the events of the day ran through my mind, it was quiet eventful. Firstly I saw the people who betrayed my trust, the people who were an important part of my life… my ex boyfriend and ex best friend. It was funny and sad that they were still together, what they had was probably really strong. But how do they live knowing that they broke my heart? How does the girl live knowing that she took the man from me? Hai I don’t think I would look at my friend’s man and see him as a potential boyfriend or husband. Anyway I was over them, and I forgive them. I want them to be happy and successful but I don’t want them to be more happy and successful than me. Why should they experience more happiness than me and be more successful than me? Hai, never shem!

Then there was this hot thing called Apostle Thulani Zungu, who was a very big temptation to me. what was I going to do with this man though? I think I should give in to temptation once and for all. I will only sleep with him once and I will deal with the consequences later, if there are any. You guys can judge me if you want, but I think it’s better if I sleep with him now than when Philani and me are married, if that ever happens, that would be breaking my vows.
Ngapha it’s old Philani who didn’t want to get married anytime soon. The things he said to me about marriage and my character really cut deep. It sickened me to think that he thought I would move in with him. What kind of Christian was Philani? A kind of Christian that doesn’t want to get married… hai come on man! Every church I’ve been to encourages marriage, and every single Christian I know wants to get married. Why was Philani with me if he thought he wouldn’t be able to deal with my character? Mxm, he was really unfair, he knows that I love him and he is taking advantage of that. I eventually dosed off.

I had a dream, a beautiful dream. I was getting married, the decor was so beautiful. My bride’s maids were Sihle, Tsiamo, and the twins. My sister was busy running around making sure that everything was in order. I was excited and nervous at the same time, I looked so beautiful, and I have never in my life seen such beauty. Okay I’m lying I have seen it, but who will blow my horn if I don’t blow it? I looked very beautiful, breath-taking. My dress was a tight-fitting mermaid crisp white dress, my hair, nails and make-up was perfect. When I walked to the church, a man sitting down turned around, looked at me and smiled. Wait, this man looked so familiar. Oh, it was Bab Pat (my mom’s ex), I probably invited him to the wedding. But what was strange was that he was sitting with the groom’s family. The dream ended there when I entered the church. I woke up a bit later than I normally would, the previous day’s events made me really tired. I woke up, called my sister and I told her that I was going to spend the day with her, after that I called Thando just to check on her.

Me: Hello Thando.
Thando: Hey sweety how are you?
Me: I’m fine and you? How is the little one?
Thando: Hahaha you are speaking of my baby as if he/she has arrived. Anyway we are good, I’m very sorry for causing so much drama yesterday and not telling you before hand about Mlu and I.
Me: No, it’s fine dear, you don’t have to explain yourself.

We continued speaking. After the phone call, I received a text from Philani athi: You have some serious explaining to do wena Hlengiwe. Please don’t make me a fool yezwa. I will come there after work, be sure to be there. Don’t bother calling me because I won’t answer your calls.

9 thoughts on “Growing Up – Chapter 17

  1. Yhooo this chapter its what happened at Our perfect Wedding, the guy proposed at church. Thanks dear, the boy friend tracked his car maybe

  2. Thanx for the beautiful chapter. I think with the criticism this story received at first, it has really has grown and improved a lot. Guys I feel you need to come back and recognise the beauty of this lady’s writing skills. You were so quick to judge and criticize (which is fine coz it was with gud intention), now congratulate our young lady cz surely u all c the writing has improved.

  3. This book is boring honestly. The writing style isn’t exciting, and the theme of “growing up relevant” isn’t evident

  4. One of the writters from one of the African countries once said: “if you dnt like my story write urs” … hi @

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