I guess every man would love to open a door to find a sexy woman wearing something sexy standing at the door. I would do that for my man, a man that I love and am planning to spend the rest of my life with. I would definitely dress up all sexy for Philani, he was allowed the privilege. I wouldn’t however do that for a man who is taken. A man who is in a relationship is a no-go area ladies, learn to respect people’s relationships.
Lerato was seriously testing me, wasn’t it enough that I beat her up a few weeks ago and that Philani sent her a message telling her that he can’t lose me? That message was written in simple and plain English and it was easy to understand. It didn’t need you to be a master at interpreting the underlying message in a text, it was just so simple. So I was really shocked to see her standing there looking all sexy and ready to tempt my man.
I just stood there at the door shocked, she also seemed genuinely shocked to see me there. It was as though she thought there was no chance at all that I would be there, which was quite stupid of her because as Philani’s number 1 lady, his house was my house and the sooner she realises that, the better. I had 3 choices now: I either give her a refreshing clap and tell her to f**k off, or simply close the door and act like I didn’t see her or greet her and let her come inside. I decided that the latter was better. I greeted her as politely as I could, and told her to come in. I was tempted to attack her and beat her up with all I am and have. But the problem with beating her up again would be that Philani would think I am a violent person and she would in turn be the victim. Men seemed to love a damsel in distress, it probably gives them the power and chance to play heroes. This is a lesson I was learning slowly but surely, I shouldn’t make my man become another women’s hero. He should be my hero, my hero alone. I also didn’t want to show her that I was livid, she shouldn’t know that I see her as threat to my relationship, I won’t give her that satisfaction this time. So I had to be strong, all the anger I had would be vented out later when she was gone. I wasn’t going to deal with her, Philani was going to deal with his ‘friend’.
I signalled her to sit down and I went to call Philani. I told him that a friend of his was there to see him. He followed me, totally unaware of who this friend was. I went to the kitchen but I could see everything that was happening in the lounge, because it was an open-plan. The look on Philani’s face when he saw that his visitor was actually Lerato was priceless. He was shocked and nervous, he wasn’t expecting this. He probably thought it was one of his friends, I think my calmness also scared him.
Philani: “Hey Rato.”
Lerato: “Hey P.”
Haibo!!!! Lerato was now Rato? Philani was suddenly P? Mxm!! I noticed that Lerato didn’t button her coat, so Philani saw how she was dressed. She probably wanted him to weigh his options: a girl wearing a sexy negligee offering to give him sex, versus his boring nagging girlfriend wearing an apron, slaving behind the stove for him. She hugged him, I say she hugged him because he didn’t really respond to the hug, probably because I was there watching.
Philani: “How can I help you? What are you doing this side of town.”
Lerato: “Uhm P I thought maybe I was the one who was going to help you today.”
She was going to help him? This girl was clearly trying to get on my nerves while luring my man to her. This girl’s intention was evident, more evident than the corruption in our country. I wonder what her church elders would think if they saw her like this. This is probably how their church operates, judging by Philani, Apostle Thulani and Lerato this church was driven by lust. I know I’m not innocent, but it’s just an observation I made. The scales on my eyes were being removed, the one-sided way I viewed myself as a Christian and other Christians was changing drastically in a matter of a few months. The church needs a divine intervention.
Philani: “Help me with what?”
Lerato: “I would tell you if you answered your phone. You are ignoring my calls because of her. Philani I wanted to help you make a decision, you need to decide what you want, and I don’t want to be the 2nd best for the rest of my life. If you want me in your life say it, if you don’t want me just say it.”
She said this in what was barely a whisper. Didn’t Philani’s message show that he has made a decision? He wanted me in his life? But this was unfair because I didn’t realise that we were in a competition to win Philani’s heart. I was clearly in his heart because I won even though I didn’t compete with Lerato. I guess it either you have it or not. I smiled to myself. With that said, she left. Philani was stunned and didn’t know what to do or what to say. I remained calm and didn’t evens show a glimpse of anger. Philani sat on the kitchen stool, he kept staring at me and looking away. He didn’t know what to say and he didn’t know how I felt, so being quiet was the best option for the time.
Philani: “Baby you are quiet, are you fine?” He was testing the waters.
Me: “Yes love I’m fine, I just have a lot on mind.”
I gave him a faint smile. He kept quiet, I finished cooking and dished up. We blessed the food and began to eat. I wanted to ask him about marriage but I was scared, I didn’t want to seem desperate but I had to know how he felt and whether he was ever planning to get married to me or not. I was also afraid of his response, would I be able to handle his response? But I had to get it over and done with, so I know where I stand with him when it comes to marriage.
Me: “Philani please be honest with me, do you ever want to get married?” I think my question shocked him because he choked on his food.
Philani: “Get married to you?”
Me: “Yes to me, or Lerato or anyone else you are in a relationship with.”
Philani: “Hai Hlengy don’t start tu, who else am I in a relationship with? Don’t bore me please.”
Me: “I’m joking Philani. I’m asking about me, us, do you ever want to get married.”
Philani: “Why are you asking?”
Me: “Because it seems to me that you aren’t planning to ever get married to me.”
Philani: “Baby in the 3 years we have been together, have I ever promised to marry you?”
Yoh I didn’t expect this question at all. Trust is he has never promised to marry me, it was just an expectation from me.
Me: “No, but it’s a natural progression in every romantic relationship.”
Philani: “Who set that normal progression? I’m not in every romantic relationship. I am in a relationship with you, not everyone else. Just because everyone is getting married and because I am old enough to get married doesn’t mean I want to get married.”
Me: “So you don’t want to get married?”
Philani: “I don’t know, I’m not sure Hlengy. I’m not sure if I want to tie my life to someone like you.”
Me: “Someone like me?”
Philani: “Yes, someone like you. Don’t get me wrong, I love you my baby, but sometimes you are the most impossible person to deal with. You are disrespectful, more dramatic than you should be, you are easily angered, you use your emotions to think and that doesn’t always have the best outcomes. You involve my family in our problems, you don’t know your place as a woman in my life. I get more respect from outsiders than in this relationship. You don’t allow me to just be a guy, you always expect us to have intellectual conversations and sometimes I just want to be silly with you. There are so many things you do that I don’t think I would be able to deal with for the rest of my life.”
What he just said broke my heart to pieces, especially the last part where he said ‘there are so many things you do that I don’t think I would be able to deal with for the rest of my life’. Was I that bad a girlfriend? Surely he was exaggerating
Me: “But Philani if I was as bad as you say I am, don’t you think I would have caused chaos earlier when Lerato arrived?”
Philani: “One swallow doesn’t make a summer Hlengy. Being quiet and not reacting today doesn’t mean you are a calm person or that you respect me Hlengy. Besides the things you do, I have my own fears when it comes to marriage.”
Me: “What are your fears?”
Philani: “I fear that I won’t be a good husband when time progresses, I worry that I will be those husbands who treat sex like a chore. I worry that I won’t satisfy my wife, I don’t want to relax and have a mediocre sex life. I know being a boyfriend keeps me on my toes sexually. I wonder if I will have time for my kids or I will be the type of man who only supports their kids financially. You know I don’t like kids, so I worry that I will be a bad father. I also wonder if I will be able to love my wife unconditionally. Truth is if you were to get fat right now Hlengy, I wouldn’t find you attractive anymore. Maybe I would still love you but I would definitely find someone to give me the feeling you gave me when you had a smaller body. I don’t know if I would be able to find my wife attractive after she’s given birth, has gained weight and has stretch marks.
I also realised that the romance dies when people get married. Women stop making an effort. I love the fact that you make an effort every time we go out or when I come to see you. Women tend to stop making an effort after they get the ring, I don’t want that. I don’t want to settle with being with a fat wife who doesn’t make any effort to look beautiful, all for the sake of respecting my vows. I don’t think I have the emotional capability to deal with a woman, and I might be forced to change when I get married. There are so many other reasons that make me fear getting married.
So Hlengy tell me why do you want to get married?”
After the long speech he gave me, I didn’t know what to say.
Me: “Uhm I want to get married because I want to have a life partner, someone who belongs to me and I to them. Someone to look forward to seeing when I get home. Maybe growing up in a not-so-normal family structure, made me long for having a family of my own.”
Philani: “We can be life partners, buy a house and be our own kind of family. I know family is from God and is blessed, but I think it messes up things. We can have all that you want without tying ourselves down to people’s expectations. We will be very happy baby I promise you, just think about it, okay?”
I just nodded because I didn’t have the energy to make him see my point of view. We finished the food and washed dishes, I asked him to take me home. We drove home, I didn’t say much because I was bothered by what he said and I didn’t want to show it. How can he expect umkhiphito (co-habiting)? We are children of the Most High God, so we should be example to the world. We arrived at my place, we kissed goodbye and he promised to call me later. Tshepo’s (Sihle’s man) car was parked outside, and they were sitting in the car. Mlu’s car was also parked outside, but there was no one inside, clearly they were inside eish.
I went to greet Tshepo and Sihle then went inside the house, when I walked in I heard some strange sounds, I walked towards where they were coming from. I couldn’t believe my eyes and ears…..this can’t be true.