Rumblings – Chapter One Hundred and Fourteen

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

Only a woman who has never been with a man who has a big dick will think that these are nice life problems! The truth is they are not! As women we often complain at how small a man’s dick is, we want something that fills us and makes us feel satisfied. Rarely do we ever consider the opposite side of the scale! Explains why I had never seen him wearing skinny jeans! It would just look like a disability! No, I am wrong, let me correct myself, he was disabled! His thing was bigger than Amo’s arm when not erect! It would destroy me if it got near my garden. I could just see the next man that came after me trying to get in there? It will be like putting a pencil in an empty can of beans and hoping by some miracle to create friction on the side! It explained so much to me at that moment. Remember I questioned why Thulare would want to date me and now I knew. There is a myth perpetuated by men especially that once a woman gives birth, her vagina is loose enough to accommodate anything. Well they are wrong! My honey pot was still nice and tight so was not open for ramming! All these thoughts just made me want to laugh but he was standing right there.

“Where is the bathroom please? I want to clean myself up as I will be sticky and smelly if I leave without cleaning up?”

He asked me. Clean up what, this dude had cum in my mouth! I was the one who needed cleaning up. I pointed it out with my hands still covering my mouth to prevent the giggle from coming out. Today I had grown up shem! I thought these things were myth but wow. Maybe I could become his pimp and hire him out to all those girls who needed a pounding.

“Thulare, love, don’t be self-conscious please. It’s just that this was the last thing I expected.”

I told him when he came back. He managed a wry smile and I was grateful that he was not going to do his uptight thing.

“At least you didn’t faint!”

He said cracking a joke of which I wide eyed and shocked asked,

“Has someone fainted before?”

I would not be surprised at all because part of me had died of shock inside when I first laid my eyes on it.

“No! Really Faith now you just being childish!”

He said a bit annoyed but he managed to laugh at the same time.
“My mother said she is going to be late so do you mind if I cook for us? Are you in a rush?”

He said he was not which was a relief because I felt that we had turned a corner. He was getting to know the real me and I liked that he knew that I was not going to be scared of him in the relationship no matter how much I respected him.

“So are you saying you are going to cook for me?”

He asked teasing me yet again. I said yes. I am proud as a woman to know how to cook and cook well at that. I want to have a house with a large kitchen because I love cooking and my family must eat the food i make. I am not like these new age fakes that tell you that they can’t cook or how it degrades women! Since when has feeding yourself been degrading… Sies! I will cook for my man,if I want to, I don’t need a manual to be told what’s right and what’s wrong. Thulare did not know what was going to hit him because I knew that once I cooked for him he was mine. The real korobela comes from the brains and work ethic in a woman. It comes from being smart in the office and in life but also being an excellent cook goes a long way and that’s what makes a man come back. Even white people know this shit, they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach so yes ladies, when you can’t cook and your man is fucking the maid, don’t forget I told you that! You with your fake nails, fake hair, fake eyelashes trying to compete in the kitchen with these pretty rural Lesotho maids, Good luck Miss Angelou! It’s not about how many bottles of moet I can drink in a club or how short a skirt I wear. It’s about things that I do in the home and how well I do them. Hell it’s not even about the greatest sex but about the little things that make you whole as a woman.

“Why are you cooking again there is food?”

he asked me. He was right but i felt it a bit disrespectful to dish him food my mother cooked. I explained this and he understood.

“Do you even know how to chop onions or tomatoes?”

I asked him and he said he did but big blocks because he feared he would cut himself. That automatically told me that he could not cook and was a boiler like must men. I told him that I was going to teach him and he was more than game.

At first I was not sure what to cook but eventually I settled on fish. I hate fish mind you but to be honest there was no other meat in fridge and was too embarrassed to let him know that. I am also bad at cooking fish. My mother always says fish is for poor people that’s why Jesus gave to people on the Mount.

Amo was up now and was crying. I had to feed him and bath him. My poor baby had been stuck in bed for two days now as he had been sleeping a lot lately. As I was till cutting onions I asked Thulare to hold him. The way he was so loving, I could not help but wonder if he was this loving to his own child. It’s very rare to have a man treat your child like this meaning that he must be a great father, Babies are weird creations at times. When Thulare put on the TV Amo started giggling at it and he put him down so he could watch TV. My food was coming out right which made me happy. Thulare came and stood with me in the kitchen. I wish I had my own place. This would have been a perfect moment to have a glass of wine in hand. We chatted a bit about his child and he said that he was going to come pick me up tomorrow after work to come see her I didn’t mind that at all. It was time I guess and the curiosity in me was quite peaked at this moment. We had dinner just the two of us and he loved my cooking. He said if ever I should come visit him I should tell him what to buy so that I can cook again. I bet you the feminists at this point are saying that’s sexist. Funny world we live in. We were just getting done when there was a knock on the door. Mara satani is following me everywhere! It was Meladi and Mudenda. Mudenda stayed in the car and Meladi with her big belly was standing there.

“I was expecting you earlier!”

I said sarcastically and walked away from the door so she could enter.

“Lalela Sisi, stay away from my man! The first thing I did when he came back was inspect his body. He has two large love bites on his neck and scratch marks on his back! You slept with him didn’t you!”

She said which just left me stunned but handled it cool. Thulare was in the kitchen and I figured if he eavesdropped I would get in trouble so I laughed and called him saying,

“Thulare come hear what your cousin is saying.”

He walked in from the kitchen. Meladi had not expected him to be there because she was genuinely surprised to see him not that she cared anyway.

“Please repeat what you said because this storyline is getting old! We do this all the time. Now I want there to be a witness! Baby listen carefully!”

I said to Thulare just to mock her. He looked so homely as he was wearing an apron. He was helping me with dishes and the scene made us look like such a loving couple.

“You tell him!”

She said annoyed at the fact that I was telling her what to do. I did not mind.

“Meladi said when she got home, she took her dogs clothes off, by dog I mean Mudenda, and inspected him like he had fleas or something. She said she found two love bites and scratch marks on his body and thinks that I put them there.”

I said confidently.

“You inspect him every time he goes out? Wow thats… desperate!”

Thulare said which really embarrassed Meladi. It was my turn though,

“Meladi you have always known me, I don’t keep long nails. I could never have scratched anyone even if I tried… look…”

I showed her my nails. It’s true, I hate long nails. They are too much work. Even in university I never kept them.

“As for the love bites, why would I want to put them there? Why would I put my lips on that man ever again? You need to stop worrying about me and start taking care of your baby. I don’t want Mudenda and frankly speaking, still can’t figure out how once upon a time I lowered my standards so low to open my legs to him! But oh well, we all have slutty weak moments don’t we…”

That stung. Something was on my mind thought. It’s true I had not left those things there. Mudenda had found someone else to sleep with after he left Sun City. I also think the scratch marks he had done on purpose because who would be so dumb to let that happen to him. As for the inspection? I have heard of women who inspect their men every time they go out but never actually knew someone in that situation. I did say Mudenda was not happy with Meladi but I guess I just sounded like a jealous ex.

“I am sorry but it’s not me. Welcome to what I went through with him. Meladi we have our differences but have you ever seen me coming to attack you? I never call you or insult you. And this trip you know I did not want to go and your family forced me. Woman to woman though, mother to mother, I would never do that to you!”

I said ushering her to the door! Deep down the little tokoloshe in me was doing somersaults with joy. I don’t care who you are, when your ex, the one you hate, is fucking up, it brings tears of joy to your eyes. Worse, if it’s happening to the woman that stole your man. I wish I could do a split right now just to show how happy I was.

“Eish Faith I don’t know what to do with him! He is always moody when he comes home and I think he doesn’t even like coming home. I need your help please. I know you hate me for what I did to you and I am sorry. I am sorry every day. I lost all my friends. Zama and Aurelia don’t talk to me. Even the guys look at me like I am scum. Do you know that Skapi asked me straight to my face how I can call myself a woman for doing that to you. They call me ‘Ausi Bonang’ to my face. Thulare does not even bother trying to stop them anymore because they are right. I am sorry!”

She said crying. Then she clutched her stomach. What now?

“Mudenda get here!”

I called him. There was flood of water that came through her skirt.

“No no, it’s too soon!”

She said. Her water had broken! Why Lord, why me? Why must it be at my house of all places! For your water to break at your enemies house!

And I had to clean that shit up!

God was really having a joke at my expense!

******The End*******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

‎Hi Mike & readers

I need help. I obsess over people who have hurt me. I’m currently obsessing over my ex, the one I believe he’s THE ONE. My obsession got so bad that I stalked him & his ex gf a few years back. I’m also obsessing over the ex gf, we were @ da same place over the weekend. I want to see everything she does & with whom. I think I’m gonna lose my mind or do something stupid again.

I need help, NOT insults and judgements. It kills me inside because I don’t know how to stop. Whenever I see either of them I get so excited and start acting up. I just want to remove them from my memory and pretend like I don’t know them when I do see them. Please guys this is ruining me


37 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter One Hundred and Fourteen

  1. The attack on feminists was uncalled for and ignorant but at the end of the day this is a man writing a woman’s opinion. And to think i supported you when you where being criticised on how you potray black women.I think Im done with this blog.

    1. We are sad to lose you but we will not write a one sided story to please one side. Debate is what made this blog and we will continue to have controversy that will make people engage. God Bless

    2. But you do know that the opinions of a character are not always the opinion of the writer right? This may not even be mikes opinion therefore I suggest you be mad at Faith. It’s ok to disagree and leave in peace but dont make other people look bad for having an opinion. That’s just how Faith feels and you don’t agree, thats ok too

    3. Aunt Lili we are sorry for you to leave, but this is a blog at the end of the day and like it or not it will touch base on somethings that we might not like. if we all left every time something was said that we felt was an attack on us then their will be no readers left.

  2. This is actually sad hey, Faith has to clean after this girl again. And what’s with her asking for help? She deserves what’s happening to her. Some girl did that to me, sleep with my then man and I’m still bitter. Meladi needs to go to hell.

    Sweetie do yourself a favour, go away for sometime, somewhere you won’t see either of them. A month or two, you need to give yourself time to get over these people. But as long as you’re able to see them you won’t stop obsessing over people who don’t even care about your existence. If you’re working, get a transfer to some town, where you can start over without seeing them.

  3. I thought the food was cooked already when they arrived, ah well.All i can say about the Melani situation is “God can take care of folks better than you can”. Karma baby

  4. @Helpless, you and I are in the same boat hey. It is so exhausting and you know that it is pointless but you just can’t stop yourself. It feels like a mental illness cos you know you are being pathetic but you do it anyway. I spend more time focusing on their lives than on my own life. I think I’m just going to move to a different town and hopefully when they are out of sight they will be out of mind.

    1. Pretty…running from your problems is never the anser honey…Try and tackle them head on…be strong, be brave….

      This is what I reach my 11 month old daughter everyday…You are bright, you are brave, and you are beautiful..and I say these words to her while we are looking in the mirror….and it somehow empowers me as well.

  5. Thanks Mike, your talent never ceases to amaze me. May the Good Lord bless you with much much more.

    Kwaaaaaaaaaa, yoh Aunt Lili is spitting fire. Calm down Aunty. Are you really allowing yourself to get upset over this???? This is the stuff that causes heart attacks, BP, etc. You take things way too personal. I bet diabetes and BP are already creeping in sheme, lol.

  6. Wooow…okay now!!!!

    Helpless: I think the reason you obsessing over this guy and the ex is because you are not over him. You will stallk her because you probably asking yourself ” What does she have that you dont”?? “Why did he leave you for her’?? So you stalking her, is some way of getting to know her without her knowing….So work on getting over your ex baby…yes when you loved someone those feelings dont just dissappear but try and get over him….Get a hobby, something that will take your mind off your ex…or whenever you feel the need to stalk your ex…get a pen and paper and write everything you feeling down and read it to yourself and burn it….thats what helped when I was getting over my ex who used to abuse me….So try that and see if it doesnt work…

    All the best nana

  7. I dont know if you guys have noticed, the characters work in cycles. Lets take Faith for example, she started off as victim unsure of herself, she then started getting back on to her feet and fighting back, now she has a job and is on the way to getting independent… now she is falling in love and seemingly making the mistakes of the past and put love before reason first. We never dealt with Faith when she was in love with Mudenda. We got snippets of it. She is an educated woman who is no questioning her position in a relationship. Educated women are the ones who are supposed to be feminists yet most educated women are begging and grovelling for men to love them? why? thats were Faith is now and so are a lot of educated women like her.

  8. Great chapter Mike as always, just to point out i also believe in cooking for my man & excelling at it too, i see nothing feminist with that. so thank you Mike.

  9. Dear Helpless

    I believe this is a psychological issue and you need to see a psychologist and look into this because it might just grow into something that you can’t handle. This is not a normal way of handling a break up or lingering to the past. Its deeper than that before you know it, it will get out of hand. This is how people end up as serial stalkers, I am not saying you will become one but I am suggesting you deal with this the right way.

  10. Dear Aunty Lilly

    I recently got married and I am an independent, strong , educated woman.. I thought too being in the kitchen was feminist..until recently, my man will eat whatever I cook whether good
    or bad, but I will take care of him, I really don’t have to do it if I don’t want to. but I will not let another woman take care of my hubbys stomach

  11. Couldn’t help but laugh at Aumt lilly’s tantrums, the way this blog is so addictive I like to say to her ” hamba uzobuya dali”

  12. Mike your work is beautiful. the hurt feminist can leave us in peace. vele wen u ladies have ur panties together niyadina. know ur place and stop trying to be equal to men.
    catching feelings ova what’s on a blog!!!!!!!!! another reason why men and women are different.

  13. hahahahahahaha Aunt Lili is such a drama Queen..joooe oa nqeta hle…on this block we get to be on the imaginary side of life hle. can the aunty let her hair down if she has any..kwaaaa

    1. Lol omg looool @Lebo u had to got there Lol the aunty makes it seem she’s old which would make more sense if she believed n talking care of a man right. Anyway bye to her see her when she comes back

  14. Thanks for the great read Mike. There’s nothing a woman can do that will make a man stay because then it will be temporary then everyone gets comfortable and decide to be themselves. Cooking, Sex is the reason ppl end up feeling bitter and used, you didn’t do it from the bottom of your heart but to hold on to a man.

    I’m educated and I cook because I love cooking and enjoy my own food plus seeing the look on my man, family n friends face when I dish up.

    A2Q it’s normal to obsess about your ex after a break up… fb, Whatsapp but stalking, I mean actually following them around is a serious problem plus a crime. Ask yourself why you hoping to gain from this and what you intend to do when their love falls apart? Do you want to go back to him? How? Is it worth it? What do you deserve?

    If they date for a long time, are you going to put your life on hold while watching another woman live her life? What if they catch you? Realise that everything I’ve asked is in relation to them, seems like a lot of work n time wasted focused on other people’s business.

    You can just do one thing in this situation forget about him n her, let it go. Give yourself time to heal.

  15. Bravo BraMike!
    Aunt Lili, hehe! It seems the joke is on U now. Sori but shame at the same tym.
    If UR in a relationship, do U wear the pants? Least I judge U.
    Bcz this is similar to divorcing yo partner bcz they put a little bit too much salt in the relish. Hamba kodwa uzobuya sisi.
    Bon Voyage!

    Hopeless, learn to accept that when a relationship is over, it’s OVER! Where is yo dignity. Myb it wasn’t meant to be & U might be blocking yo chances of meeting somebody more mature, interesting & serious. When one door closes, God opens another one for U. – PapaG

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