Growing up your mama always warned you to never talk with food in your mouth because she knew food would spill out in a manner you did not want. The same goes for when you shout at someone you are angry at, often you say things you regret because you try and cause maximum harm with your words. We have all be warned of that because we say things we then regret later and often there is no turning back from it The reason why as women we fight our baby daddies and want to hurt them almost always is because what they did to us often remains raw in our hearts. The anger might simmer down but it never goes away. That’s why they say there is a thin line between love and hate. I should not have said that. There was no way Mudenda was now not going to ask Thulare what I had said. Shit! I really should not have said that. This will definitely cost me his trust and I could lose him. I was panicking at this moment and this was something I had brought upon myself. Thulare had explicitly said he would rather stay away from my family drama because it would end up causing drama for him. I understood and usually, real men do not want to be seen as gossips and snitches. When he had said that to Mudenda at the court house it had been meant to serve as a threat and warning for him to back off nothing more. He had not said much more on the matter and even when I had tried to ask him he had said I should drop it. I had made that up and now I was stuck here with the one person I should not be stuck with nowhere to run.
“I heard what you said! You said that Meladi had an incestuous baby? Are you saying she pregnant by one of her cousins or her father?”
He asked me angrily! It’s a very heavy accusation to make and because he already suspected something after what Thulare had said that day he was not going to let it go!
“No! I did not say that!”
I said defensively.
“Well then explain! Did Thulare tell you that? I will call him if you don’t answer me and I will say you said it!”
The problem with Mudenda is that he can make you so angry. All I want to do is ring his neck every time I am with him. That’s all I want. So it’s very easy for him to pull me in to say things I don’t want to say because my anger levels at him just reach maximum points in seconds.
“Thulare did not say anything about that. Get over it. We both know something is up. You can’t be that stupid. Meladi got pregnant in a funny way and you know it!”
I said to try to shift his suspicions to something else. It was easy too because he was already angry so would not think through everything quickly enough.
“What are you on about now?”
He asked me.
“Well think about it! It is so rare that a friend of a girl would go after her ex especially when she is pregnant. I think you were setup but you just too dumb to see it!”
I told him and I could see the doubt in his face but resistance too.
“Oh come on, you are just trying to shift blame on her. Stop it; I see what you are doing!”
He said pointing and waving his finger but is that not the thing about planting the seed of doubt. Once it’s there is no taking it back and normally with shotgun relationships it’s so easy for this to set in.
“All I suggest is that when your baby is born, have a DNA test. It won’t kill you and it will put your mind at ease!”
I told him. He laughed at me and said I was evil and was trying to make him sound paranoid by insinuating such filth,
“It’s fine if you think so but how about we take Amo for a test right now. I have nothing to hide so you know it’s your child. If Meladi has no problem with you making that request then you know you are in the clear!”
I told him. If he was stupid he would listen to me. No woman wants to be told by her boyfriend that he wants a DNA test because automatically that means you don’t trust her. It was getting tense now but fortunately Amo needed to be fed and he let this known by crying out loud, startling both of us.
“It’s feeding time!”
I said and I don’t normally breastfeed him but today I decided to do it. There was no harm in it. I could see Mudenda looking at my boobs with lust. Even when angry a man still wants some. How weak are these people?
“I have heard everything you have said and you have given me many more questions than answers. I don’t want to be played for the fool so I will get to the bottom of this.”
He said when he saw that I had caught him staring at my boobs.
“I have apologized to you several times about everything so I don’t want to do that anymore. We need a peace treaty because I would like to see my son more!”
I said coldly.
“But he is mine and I am supposed to love him like you love him!”
He protested. I was not going to entertain this part of the conversation. Saying he wanted to be in his life is not the same as stepping up he was not stepping up as far as I was concerned.
“When we go back to Jhb you will get back to your old shit. When you are with Meladi and conspiring on how much more you want to torture me I know for a fact all these nice things you are saying now will be gone!”
I told him. He looked at me with puppy eyes and then tears. I had never seen a man cry in my life especially for me and seeing him cry confused me.
I asked him. He put his heads into his hands and this man really was crying.
“I messed up ok. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t. I am going to my room. I will leave you alone now. I am tired of this.”
If he was trying to make me feel guilty it was actually working. Maybe I was the one who was being so hostile when he genuinely was trying to make things right. I looked at him walk away and disappear into the building. Because I was with Amo I still had to pack the things here. The Valley of the Waves is beautiful but it can also get too hot. I was not alone five minutes before Aurelia and Lunga came back. They had enjoyed their outing and Aurelia was wearing such a beautiful bikini I just had a crush on her at that moment.
“What’s wrong with you?”
She said to me when she sat next to me playing with Amo.
“What do you mean?”
I asked her.
“You are on holiday go put on you bikini or something. You are from Jhb not some backward village!”
She said and Lunga chirped in and said Aurelia was right.
“The only one working so hard not to enjoy this place is you and that’s fucked up.”
He said running into the water.
“Go change, I will look after Amo whilst you are gone.”
She said. I thought about it a few minutes but the water looked so appetising so they had a good point. Why was I sulking? I was in paradise yet was acting like I was in Orlando.
“Ok fine. He is about to sleep anyway but I won’t take more than fifteen minutes!”
I told her and ran off. It was just after one so I had a lot of time to enjoy this afternoon. I put on my swimwear and on my way out I decided to go check on Mudenda. Guess I was being neighbourly. He opened is door and I asked if he wanted to come swimming with us as opposed to being anti-social and stuck in his room. Guess I felt sorry for him. He agreed to come with which was a good thing as we were all here together. He said he just needed to call Meladi as she had been complaining that he was not calling enough. I wanted to walk out to give him privacy but he said I should not leave.
“What the fuck took you so long?”
I heard her scream from the other side. Even though she was on the phone I could hear her.
“Love calm down. I told you I will call you in ten minutes and it’s not even ten minutes hey!’
He said annoyed at her tone but she went on,
“I bet she is with you right now! You fucking her! I knew it; I should have come with you! I knew it! That flea infested bitch, what you even saw in her I wonder! Make sure you scrub before you even come back I don’t want her stench coming back with you!”
“Calm down! I am not with her. I am in the room alone!”
“Fine if it’s true let’s face time!”
She said. I could hear where this was going. He looked at me pleading with his eyes that I should go out of sight. I was not going to be mean to him though I quietly disappeared and went and stood outside. My life I tell you, I had fallen from fiancé, to baby mama and standing outside here I might as well be his side dish! Wow. Humbling. He didn’t take long but when he came back I could tell that he was thoroughly embarrassed.
“I am sorry about that!”
He said when he came back. Your first instinct is to laugh but I could not because I genuinely felt sorry for him. It’s not that Meladi was a bad person, probably the pregnancy and stress was getting to her.
“Let’s go swim. Forget about her for now and just enjoy. People expect us to kill each other so let’s prove them wrong!”
I said. He laughed and went to put on his swim shorts. This was going to be fun. When we got to the water Aurelia and Lunga were sitting with Amo who had fallen asleep. They had also ordered drinks and we started to turn up right there. I am not a heavy drinker and I am very much a wine person. Lunga ordered it for us, Aurelia and me that is, a bottle of red wine!
To this day, that was the worst decision of my life and I regret it even now.
Wine makes me horny.
I know that and Mudenda knows that but more importantly how best can I show that it’s the flea infested ones that can teach you a lesson in humility…
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I have wanted to write you and the family for a while now. Job well done on the blog. Your talent is God given.
I have been married to my wife for seven years. We dated before we got married. Whilst dating we both cheated on one another and it caused a lot of havoc. We settled our differences. I never knew who she cheated with. I lost my job and my wife said she would hook me up with a new job as she knew someone who was looking for someone with my skills. Within two weeks I was back working. I never questioned it because a job is so important. A month ago one of our mutual friends, my wife and I, came to see me at work as he needed me to sign off on our holiday for December. My new boss happened to be there. When my boss left my friend asked me how it was that I was cool working with the man who had been sleeping with my then fiancé. I could not understand until he explained that my boss the man who had given me my job was my wife’s ex-lover. I say EX loosely because when he interviewed me he said my wife and him are good friends. Back then when we confronted each other the agreement had been we cut all ties with the people we were cheating with.
I have not confronted my wife yet on this because frankly speaking I don’t know what to say.
Please if anyone has advice for me, I really would appreciate it.