Realities – Chapter Sixty Seven

My husband had specifically said I must not ask for favours from this man. He had made it clear that when you ask for a favour, men like Mthobisi ask for a favour back. I had heard him correctly and I think I had reassured him that I would not do that. Marriage is listening to your partner. Even when you do not agree, listening and finding a solution together is part of the process. The moment one party starts to do their own thing is when things start falling apart. We all know that our partners have limitations. Even when they want you to see them as superman, Mr Fix It or whatever, no one man can do it all. Sizwe had a good heart but he was not a man’s man in that sense. He could not get into a fist fight for me if say I was walking and a bigger man touched my ass. He would be angry yes, but me expecting him to beat that man up was highly unlikely because he was not built like that. Me going to Lesedi for help meant that I knew I would get a reaction out of her which Sizwe would never be able to provide even if I had asked. When my brother was in trouble, I had become a name dropper because I knew that name would save my brother. For those who don’t know, matshonisa people are bad. You borrow money from them and when they want it back you really are screwed. In many instances they have been known to break bones to get what they want. I knew for a fact that my brother was going to be harmed if I had not made that threat. I would have given them the money had they not called me names but eish… What’s in a name? If someone calls you sfebe would you die? Would you take it to the Humans Right Commission to report? I don’t think so! Look at me now, because of all this, I was now having a sit down with Mthobisi and this time his wife won’t be there to protect me! Shit… what if he wanted sex? How do you say no to a thug like that? I was scared of him even here on the phone and who gave him my number? Ah!

“What’s wrong with you?”

Zethu said when she walked in and saw me staring at my face. I told her nothing was wrong but she did not buy it. Naturally she assumed it was George again so she told me not to worry about him as everything was sorted.

“Do you know that He saw you naked?”

I said and we both laughed nervously. Now it was a funny story but yesterday it definitely had not been.

“I should have let you take off your clothes for him too pshhh!”

She said. I told her I would have because he had seen me naked but I was just teasing her.

“Where did you learn to dance like that? Doctors are not supposed to know how to dance Zethu how do you do it?”

Again she laughed and said,

“You take this doctor thing too seriously Nothabo. Long ago yes doctors were these feared beings in the community as they were so few but nowadays we are just like everyone else. I can even smoke weed if I wanted to. With you however you treat yourself like it’s going badge of honour which you go around punching your chest with it to show how great you are! Nah dear it’s not like that!”

She said to me. Ouch! I had not expected that level of brutality and honesty in her response. The sad part was that she had said the truth about how I viewed myself as this super important person.

“Think of it this way, there is only one president; hence he can go around saying how great he is. There will never be two at one given moment. They can love him or hate him but all of them will never personally know anyone who will ever be president. You can’t say the same about us now can you. Village, township and suburban kids are all going to do medicine so how exclusive is that? How many are we? Even the Cubans think they are special!”

We laughed at the last part. Doctors who go to Cuba for medicine always come back thinking that they are better than us when they are not. Cuba is a slight upgrade of Turfontein if you are from Jhb, Pretoria North if you from Pta, Woodstock if you from Cape Town or Newlands East if you from Durban. The only thing they beat us on is the long flight otherwise there is nothing to write home about.

“Enough about that! Are you ready for this evening because it’s almost time?”

Time flies indeed. I had not even seen that this was the time. Shit! I told her I had to go pick up my daughter. We were going to meet on Rivonia in Sandton she said. It was not too far but as you know with Johannesburg traffic it took forever. By the time Lintle and I hooked up with Zethu I was tired. My daughter on the other hand was not.

“Hey Aunty Zethu. Wow are we going to Takkies place?”

She asked. Who the hell was Takkies now? I was a bit confused so I asked what was going. Zethu said yes and Lintle laughed.

“This is going to be a disaster! Have you seen my mother dance?”

When we entered the studio I fully understood why she was saying that. We were at the Rockingnheels Dance Workout! I kid you not; we were coming to learn how to dance in our high heels. Like really? As if it’s not already hard to walk with them now we had to dance too? Was she mad! What if I fell? Lintle was so excited but her joy was short lived because when the rest of the dance enthusiasts walked in she realized how super fit they were.

“Mum are we going to be able to keep up?”

She said with a nervous giggle. As soon as the choreographer entered the party was on. Nkateko was her name but she said we should call her Takkies. Ladies if you have never danced in heels and you from Johannesburg please you have to try this. I fell several times but I can’t remember the last time I felt this sexy. I was properly exhausted so you can imagine my irritation when Zethu and I both got calls to come in at work right now. There was an emergency and all doctors were called.

“We will do it tomorrow my dear!”

Zethu told Lintle as we drove out. I called Sizwe to come pick up Lintle from work. He was busy with something but dropped it and said that he was on his way. We actually met him at the hospital. He asked me what was going on and I told him the little that I knew. There were ambulances arriving by the minute.

When I entered the hospital there was carnage. There had been a major pile up on the N3 and once again it involved a truck. Driving on Jhb roads is just dangerous no wonder why most people now preferred using the train. It was going to be a busy evening. We worked for eight hours straight and it was as though I was on call. In the morning I had my normal shift meaning by the time I knocked off the following day, I had been working for about 26hours. It’s not a surprise though because we do this some time. I was exhausted. When I got home I just passed out. In the morning I woke up to check my phone. My battery had gone flat yesterday so my phone had been off. I had received 3 missed called from a number I was now familiar with, shit, it was Mxolisi. I went into my voicemails immediately.

“I told you I was going to call you and you switched off your phone. This is a bad start to our relationship already. Call me!”

He said so calmly. Maybe it was because I feared him so much that even when he was calm he sounded like he was threatening me. I called him back.

“I am so sorry. My phone lost battery because I worked a double shift because of the accident!”

I said as soon as he said Hello on the side.

“It’s alright doc calm down. We all saw it on TV. We must meet today. 11 am I will come to your hospital!”

He said and I found my lips saying ok before my brain could even think this through. When I hung up the phone I felt like banking my head on the wall because this was a bad idea. Sizwe walked in and asked me who I was on the phone with so early in the morning. Shit, I had called a married man at 6am in the morning. What was I thinking? What if Lesedi had picked up? What would have happened then? I don’t want women coming to beat me up and accusing me of stealing their husbands. I value my dignity too much.

“It was one of the nurses at work. I had to check on one of my patients!”

I said to him. I was already lying for this man but what was I supposed to do. I could not tell him the truth knowing that he had forbidden it. I was nervous the whole morning when I got to work. It’s a good thing he had chosen the hospital to meet as it was a public place otherwise I don’t know what I would have done. At 11am on the dot he called me. Wow, was this guy sitting staring at his phone or something.

“I am walking in the hospital entrance, where do we meet?”

He said in a friendly way. I told him to meet me by the cafeteria. I chose that location because the security office was close to it. Self-preservation. When I got there he was dress in a pinstripe suit. You could never think that this man was a gangster at all. He was so immaculate and had paid attention to detail. What was he up to? I stretched out my hand to greet him and he instead said,

“Are you not going to hug me?”

Ok that was awkward.

“Sorry about that!”

I said and I hugged him.

“I won’t waste your time Doc. You know what I do on the side right?”

What did he mean on the side! It was his life so what did he mean on the side. It was not like he was playing dice on the side. He played a game of life and death, a fucken scary one at that!

“Yes I do!”

I said.

“Good. That means I don’t have to threaten you!”

He said sternly then laughed. He was joking but the message had been delivered loud and clear. That was not funny but I laughed nervously nonetheless.

“We need a doctor for my crew. There are times we can’t go to the hospital for obvious reason. I think you will do perfectly. You need to give me the list of things you might need for gunshot wounds. We have a house off the books that we use and it’s safe.”

He said to me. All the things he said flew right past me and the way he said meant that I could not say no.

“I will send you all the details of the place. You must come inspect it today. No one will be there. Take notes on what else you will need!”

He said and slid a key towards me as well as a gate tag. He stood up.

“Nothabo, tell no one about this… Even Lesedi!”

And with that he walked away!

I was not sure what to do next because this was illegal.

I could go to jail for this or lose my license.

*****The End******



Dear Mike

Dear Mike

I am a 25 year old lady and i am seriously depressed. I cry myself to sleep every night. I pray to God every day to take my life. Today i wished a car could hit me and end my life. If i didn’t have a 2 year old daughter i would have long committed suicide but i don’t want her to live with the shame of having a mother who killed herself but nowadays i come so close. I became depressed when i was pregnant so i have been fighting this demon for over 2 years and i just can’t do it anymore. I thought after getting my degree this would get better but i am still unemployed. I can’t provide for my daughter or myself. I know i am lucky my parents can provide for us but i always feel like a liability and a disgrace. I need help, I need a job. I really want to be happy, i try to be positive and pray and that has gotten me nowhere. I have a supportive man but that is not enough. I need help please. I am writing this while crying. I have a degree in Business Administration.



40 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Sixty Seven

  1. Hi Charity

    Maybe its time you looked elsewhere beside business administration. If you are in Jhb call VVM on 0113298500. They are a debt collecting company and they are always looking to hire people. google more debt collecting companies and call them. They usually don’t advertise. as they say ‘its better to look for a job while you have another one’. We all need to start somewhere dear. You can look into more options like call centers, restaurants, retail assistance and shops like shoprite.

    I hope this helps

    1. Depression is a very serious illness Cutie. People really do kill themselves because they feel there is no way out of a perceived difficult situation. You feel like you are a in a dark hole that you wont be able to get out off. Charity needs help and at least she was brave enough ask for it. A little understanding and humility for people goes a long way. If you don’t have anything positive to say, rather not say anything.

    2. People are heartless yho! Seriously? Do people understand what depression can do? Wow I’m just dumbfounded seriously!

    3. hha|| Cuttie that was harsh girl try being a parent without any job and you know what is she talking about. girl try to buy a heart maybe they will for you at Pick’n pay or checkers.

    4. Where do you get off telling people such crap. Get some manners from home then go to the library on read up on something to educate yourself a bit more. She clearly came to a safe platform to seek help and guidance. When you don’t have anything nice to say, you shut the hell up. Will pray for you tonight because you are clearly sick spiritually to have such a lack if humanity.

    5. Lets put this into perspective shall we…if you lets say lost your mother and i lost my mother, my father and my husband. should i tell you to go hang yourself cos your loss is ‘less’ than mine? yes other people have bigger problems but that doesn’t make hers any lesser or invalid.

  2. there is also a webisite called They are really good in ploacing people. have you talked to professional darling? Find an NGO close to you so you can talk to a professional and google SADAG as well. They have a hotline.

  3. Depression is a very serious and dangerous illness, you need to find someone to speak to about this. I used to be as depressed as you are, I have a 4 year old son, i ended up in hospital when he was a year old because I took pills and tried to commit suicide. Every time I think that I almost left my son, I just start crying. I will never ever let anything or anyone take him away from me, or me away from him. He’s my world.

    1. Thanx M….this is quite insightful,…its the simple things in life we forget…I will definitely implement this when looking for another job…

  4. Charity, you have a lot to live for, especially your daughter. Seek professional help, speak to your parents to help you.

    I have found that sometimes our attitude alone can help break us free from certain situations and depression, try waking up daily and finding 3 things you can be grateful about, put up happy moment pictures of yourself and daughter. Also do not confine yourself to a certain profession because of your qualification, most of us had to start somewhere before we could get to where we are.
    Remain blessed

  5. I’m all for advice and support and giving a helping hand where needed..

    When I lost my mother in 2006 I was depressed and I was oblivious to it…and here you are Cahrity…depressed and you know you depressed…What do you want us to say to you?? What do you expect the world to give you??
    You need to stop this pity party you in and take charge of your life and stop whining.

    I’m with Cutie…you are crying about nothing really…nxa!!!


    1. PillzBerry there are different levels of depression. So please do not assume that because you managed to bring yourself out depression, everyone can. Some people need assistance. Please be considerate and have compassion or otherwise just don’t say anything

      1. I never got myself out of depression, I got assistance. Went to a psychologist and all… But because I didnt know..or rather I didnt see myself as depressed I had to be pushed and be told that I am depressed because of the things that I was doing and the behaviour people saw in me….Imagine, losing a mother just after matric…I was still at my prime…I had nothing to live for really…..

        She on the other hand KNOWS she is depressed and yet she is telling us that she is instead of seeking help to fight her demons…I am in NO WAY undermnining her sickness because I myself have been there…BUT if you know you whats wrong with you is it NOT logic for you to try and fix what it is that is wrong with you instead of telling other people your problem.

        I dont have a degree ( I would love one ) I dont have parents ( that too I yern for ) but I dont cry over things that I dont have and can never have ( not the degree) ….She can get a job if she hustles enough…yes its not easy ( again, something I relate to) but she does not go to sleep on an empty stomach, she has a support system …… So no sympathy from me shame askies….I just refuse to….

        Charity needs to appreciate the things she has…she has sooo much to live for its not even funny….

        1. 1. This is her way of asking for help, understand that. Imagine someone was rude to you when you needed help.
          2. You are comparing your situation and hers, people and not the same and will never be the same. For you, her problems might seem like a molehill, while to her they might seem big. What depresses you may not necessarily depress the next person. There are people who lost all their family members brutally and were mistreated by relatives afterwards. Should they tell you to stop whining because you just lost your mother and at least you can afford to go to psychologist for help. Like I said have a little compassion.

    2. She came here for some guidance
      If it were you I don’t think you would appreciate such rudeness. Crying for nothing, really? Think of how you felt when you were in your difficult moment, would you appreciate such words? And just like you appreciate the compassion you got then, remember to give it now instead of trying to compare your life because you feel her situation is better. It’s sad that you agree with a person telling people to go hang themselves.

  6. What’s wrong with Cutie and PlizBerry na bethuna. If u have none positive to say keep ur mouth shut or hands to your pockets. People come here for advice not to get nasty comments. Who are you to throw stones? Some ppl nje need to grow up!

    1. People need to start appreciating the things they have and stop complaining all the damn time….

      Charity has a beautiful HEALTHY baby – yet she is depressed…She has BOTH her parents who love and support her – yet she is depressed…She jhas a man that supports her – that too is not enough…Am I missing something or do I sense a lack of appreciation here???

      I dont have a mother, and yes I was depressed when I lost her and I got assistance for that…I dont have a degree but I dont let that pull me down because I do what I can do for now…I have a daughter whom I cant do everything for…but yet again, I do what I can do for her…..

      All I’m saying, she needs to get up, dust herself off and seek help for her depression before it eats away at her….Other than that…learn to appreciate what you have before you start maoning about the things you dont have…

  7. Charity, i do not understand your depression. Your parents are still alive and you also say that you have a supportive man. Above all you say that you pray. Do u even believe your prayers?. Truth may be harsh but necessary at times. All i can tell u is count your blessings or go for deliverance coz its either you are possessed or ungrateful. So many people are going thru serious and worse situations. I agree that you need to wake up and realize what you have, you cant give that beautiful angel daughter of yours the best when you don’t even take yourself serious. Let that child be your inspiration, come on!

  8. Ongeezley, you are right that people are here for advice and not to be pampered with lies. The truth maybe bitter but it always sets one free. Perhaps you need to go back and read her story. What brought depression into her life to an extent that she would want to kill herself. She is 25, with time she will get a job. We can not all get what our friends or relatives have and we should not compare ourselves. If only she can look deep within herself and be grateful, that would be a start towards recovery.

  9. I think ya’ll need to use Uncle Google and read up on depression before you come here and give uninformed advise on depression, read up a bit. Depression is an ILLNESS it is NOT a feeling Charity can switch on and off whenever she feels like it.
    There is a chemical imbalance in the brain when one is depressed. Yes maybe unemployment contributed but not necessarily caused it. So instead of telling Charity to snap out of it, rather tell her where toget the necessary help.
    Charity, google SADAG and/or Lifeline they will be able to help with counselling and/or getting anti-depressants if need be

    Plizberry,for someone who has gone through depression your answer is a shame really…

  10. I always say that truth is the best advice we all need to hear…i am with Cutie ad Pillz on this one shem. I really cant see why Charity is depressed i mean she gat all the support system she could ever ask for. the baby daddy is there for her and still shes depressed like really now? I am from a family where in both my parents aint working, i have a lil sis who is in varsity and guess what? I am her source of income. I dont have a full time job, only hustling. i am only 21 years old and yes i have a degree and i am unemployed…well its SA and we know unemployment aint just a term, its real. You must learn to accept the lil that u have and try to see life in a positive way. Hustle as hard as u can or u might just as well sit there and let that depression decide ur destiny girl.

  11. I know they say that the truth hurts but theres a very thin line between being brutally honest and being cruel. I think some people just read to reply not to understand. Kumele wazi ukuthi in life not everyone will be as strong as you say you are, what you may live through the other can’t survive…

  12. There is always gonna be someone worse off than you but that doesn’t diminish your suffering. it takes nothing away from your pain knowing that another person is hurting a bit more. some of these comments are heartless and unnecessary. so if you get feedback that she has indeed hung herself, will that make you feel better? will your comment be justified? please aside nozwelo. you don’t have to agree with something but indlela yokukhuluma ayibe khona.

  13. Dankie bhuti Michael.
    Ppl, pls take a deep breath:
    NEVER ENCOURAGE somebody who is contemplating suicide. NEVER!
    Sisi Charity pls find professional help at a local gov clinic & they shud refer U to a local psychologist so U don’t have to spend money that U don’t have.
    Save from yo pocket money to buy or download Mzwakhe Mbuli’s albums especially songs like Voice of Reason & Change is Pain etc. Its old-fashioned but music especially with poetry can heal any broken heart such as yours.

    When looking for a job, unless its yo uncle’s company (sugar daddies also count as uncles, for those who like things), be prepared to start from the bottom. Gudluck – PapaG

  14. Wow wowo wow. some ppl take cruelty to the next level. Pls people educate ourselves before u make stupid opinions. Just as the a leg can be broken,so can the mind. As someone who suffers from clinical depression,i have to take anti depressants for the rest of my life. I was officially diagnosed in my 20’s, though depression is something I’ve had all my ealiest memory of wanting to take my life was when i was about 7.i know how u feel Ms Helpless. I am not a health care professional but u might be suffering from both clinical and post natal depression . Go to see a doctor and tell him what u have written here.
    To all of u saying she should snap out of it let me tell u a tiny story. I had this friend that prides herself as being educated. When I told her about my depression she said “mnx uyabheda,uyintengantenga(weakling) and 2 years later her teenage daughter committed suicide…its all funny,untill it happens to u.

  15. Why is it that doc never turns to his dad for help?

    Mmmmmmmmm what do you do when you crushing on someone here? #Zanele21

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