Realities – Chapter Seventy Obe

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How terrible is wisdom when there is nothing you can gain from it? As you get older you tend to believe that you know a lot of things and can handle any situation that comes your way. In fact it is encouraged that you have all the answers as an adult especially to guide the young. Then comes the second part, as a doctor my job was to help people and impart medical advice to them. This was in any circumstance mind you yet here I was and so stuck at that. There were just so many things wrong with this picture. Firstly, teenage pregnancy is something I am so against because I know how much it can damage a girl’s life. Secondly there is nothing more traumatic than getting pregnant from rape. It is as the gods are laughing at you for you assault. Imagine we grow up being told that baby is a gift from God but what about a child that is as a result of rape. Is that still a gift? Is this God’s doing too? Thirdly, I had only one thought in mind and that is she must abort this child. Now that brings new consequences. If a rape baby is not a gift, as I suspect it is not, what about abortion? It is not easy to live with yourself after you have an abortion. I was thinking of my daughter in all this because if she aborted so soon after being raped would she not convince herself that she had murdered her own child.

“Mommy what’s wrong?”

She asked me still holding up the pregnancy test to my face. The two lines were bright red in my face. They were like a scarlet that bore witness to her shame. She was just a baby, my baby and now she was about to have a baby. How can life be this cruel though? Why my daughter?

“Go throw that thing away please!”

I said but my voice was cracking already.

“Mommy am I pregnant?”

She asked me. There was no hiding it because my tears were already wetting my clothes. I nodded my head as my affirmation.

“No mom no! Why is this happening to me? I did all the things that go with the rape kit.”

She cried and she came to hug me. If I was a praying person this is the part where I would be questioning my faith and asking God why he had forgotten me.

“I know you did baby, I know you did!”

I told her holding her closely to me.

“I just want to die. I just want to die!”

She cried out loud. I heard heavy footsteps run up the stairs towards the bedroom.

“What’s wrong? What is all this commotion?”

My husband said bursting into the room. She was crying that loud. It was as though someone had died and as far as I was concerned, she had. They had killed her and many parts of her because of their evil and lust.

“They hurt me daddy… They took my clothes off and they hurt me….”

She sobbed,

“Now I am pregnant… what must I do, I am pregnant… Why daddy why?”

She cried out to him. This was the first time she was confessing to him what had happened to her. Yes he already knew because of me but I think hearing from her was like hearing it from the first time.

“O baby no!”

He said and he came over to try and hold her but she shrug and pushed him away. She did not want him to touch her. She sat on the floor and crumbled into a ball shape and sobbed.

“I feel so dirty…. I am so dirty… I just want to die…”

She continued. He was crying too now. When you are powerless to help someone you love it’s not an easy thing to do to stand back and do nothing. He was in pain too now and the three of us where in tears.

I had forgotten Sibongile was in the house. She came and stood at the door and asked if everything was ok. You see why I don’t like visitors. Now was not the time to have someone in the house because we needed to be alone as a family. We needed a way to deal with this privately without someone to judge us.

“No dear everything is fine!”

I told her between my tears. It was actually a stupid response but that was supposed to be a hint for her to go away but no, the girl actually walked into the room.

“Maybe I can help!”

She said. Really? Some people do not understand the concept of a hint.

“Sibongile, now is not the time. Please go to your room or downstairs we have something to discuss!”

Sizwe finally said when he realised that she was not going anywhere. She walked out of the room sulking I think but I was not here to nurse her ego. When she was gone I found my voice again.

“Ok this has happened we need to think of something as to how do we move forward from here!”

When does one suggest termination? I wanted two things to happen, for her to terminate and for her to go into therapy. Those are the two things I wanted. As far as I was concerned I think this had gone a bit far now, she needed to talk to someone. I blamed myself for not having have double checked after they did the rape kit. It was difficult though to have double checked as she had practically shut down after that. She seemed to avoid the subject totally and a part of me had wanted her to do that. Now I know that it was a bad idea as if you do not confront your demons you do not heal. I too was not healing. I needed to speak to someone. I know it’s not about me but I could not get around what had happened to her.

“We need to go to the hospital and do a proper pregnancy test. This would determine how far along you are as well as inform decisions to come!”

I said putting my thinking cap on. This is what should have happened when we came back but with Lintle it was always hard to get around her. She was not an easy person to convince or motivate that’s for sure.

“I don’t want to go to the hospital. It was in a hospital that they fucked me over mum why would I want to go back?”

Good question but wrong solution. She needed a doctor and she needed this to happen.

“Lintle come on now my dear. The only way we can move forward is if we start with this. I need you to get a full medical check-up otherwise we just throwing buckets of water into the ocean here. You also need to go into therapy! That was is important. Allow us to be parents please and stop fighting everything we put at your feet because it benefits no one!”

I said a little annoyed at her for being so stubborn. It’s funny when I think if it but that stubbornness she took from me. It was like I was dealing with myself.

“So what happens if we go there and they confirm the obvious? I walk in there and they say your daughter is pregnant? What happens next?”

She asked me the question I think my husband and I had already been thinking. At least we had not brought it up on our own, she had. Now all we had to do was try ride the wave to its inevitable conclusion. My husband and I looked at each other I think daring the other to speak first.

“Your mother is the doctor; she will give you the best advice here!”

My husband said which was probably the right call. As a man to suggest it to his daughter would be tantamount to crossing a line of no return. It had to be me on this one. I opened my mouth to speak but the words would not come out. She was my daughter and I loved her but how do you say this to a fifteen year old and actually not go mad.

“Mum you not saying anything!”

Lintle asked when she saw that I was not producing any words.

“I think we need to terminate the baby! Sizwe what do you think?”

I said when I finally came to my senses. Crying was not going to solve the problem we had right now though. I needed Sizwe to confirm that this was what he had been thinking too and immediately he did.

“Yes I think your mother is right. You don’t want to have a baby right now especially one you will possibly hate in future because it will always be a reminder!”

My husband. That was not helping because he was reminding her of her pain. We needed to be positive and show strength for her.

“Why are you the ones that have to decide that for me? Shouldn’t I make this decision for myself?”

She asked. Again I was not sure what this child wanted. I know she had rights but this should be where the adults have to make decisions.

“We not trying to make decisions for you but you need help in this decision. It’s bigger than you. If you want a baby, so be it, but believe me it’s the hardest thing imaginable! Your father is right!”

I emphasized that part. For a moment there I thought I was winning until she stood up. You never know what teenagers think until they actually open their mouths and usually it is just a waste of words as they don’t think.

“I am not going to abort. It’s my baby. I am keeping it.”

She said.

She stood up and walked away coldly.

She had made up her mind.

“What are we going to do about this?”

I asked my husband.

“I don’t know. We can’t force her but we have to convince her somehow!”

He stood up and I heard him drive away. Typical man, run away the moment there is a problem. I decided that today I was going to sleep with my daughter. This was important. I needed to remind her that everything was ok. When I got to her room she was still crying. She did not stop me however when I came and lay next to her. She cried herself to sleep and I don’t remember when but eventually I slept too. In the morning Lintle woke me up. She was already dressed for school and was cheerful as though nothing was going on.

“I thought you were going to stay in”

I asked when I had rubbed the cobwebs out of my eyes.

“Why mum? It’s a school day. I am fine. Don’t worry about me. I am fine!”

She said. Was she in denial that this was really happening? I needed her focused on the reality in front of us.

“Go to work mum. You are late as is. I will be fine. We will discuss this tonight!”

She said and she walked out just like that. Was I the only one who was taking this seriously? Sizwe was not in bed either and by the looks of it the bed had not been slept in either. We all deal with problems differently but one thing I was certain of that morning when I got ready for work was this, I had failed as a mother!

******The End*****

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Dear Mike

‎Hi Mike and your wonderful readers I’m a fan of all your books I need advice my dear family.

I have been with my traditional husband (I say traditional cause he only paid lobola)for 10 years now we have an 8 year old daughter for the past 10 years it’s been a roller coaster ride being physically, emotionally and sexually abused by someone who promised to love me forever. He changed 6years ago he got a job that made him travel a lot everywhere cross border. He would be based in a different town for 3months and he would get a girlfriend there, start acting all funny by not answering my calls, not sending money home and after the fling was over he would be the most apologetic person. Because I love him I would forgive and move on. He got really sick early this year and I nursed him back to health he is now better n went back to his job he promised to mend his ways. I really believed he had changed but for the past few weeks he went to Cape Town as is required by his job and has been acting up on me not picking up calls again. He went back to his old ways after everything we’ve been through I was a fool to have thought he would change and my little daughter doesn’t understand why her father ignores her. I’m heartbroken and so disappointed as I write this essay but I know my redeemer liveth he will not forsake me through this pain. I have made up my mind I’m closing this chapter for good as hard n painful as it is I’ve stayed in an abusive marriage for 7years I think it’s time to wipe of my tears n move on its so very hard to pick up the pieces but I know with God by my side I will conquer. Am I doing the right thing?

In pain and seeking prayers


23 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Seventy Obe

  1. Maria, it sounds like you have made up your mind and I feel your pain. Pray to God and ask him what you should do, we serve an awesome and a loving God he will answer you! You still want see your daughter to go varsity. Think about the future health wise sisi

  2. Maria: YOU DOING THE RIGHT THING. I mean this man has been nothing but an ass for all these years treating you like trash, something that doesn’t matter. Just early this year he was sick and who took care of him? You sisi not those bitches, and that’s the only time he acknowledged you as his wife cause he was sick . Now you’ve had enough, so I say leave that dog he doesn’t deserve you and your daughter. I love the fact that your a believer, GOD loves both you and your child, so walk away you’ve done all that you could for him, but he never appreciated you. This man is not worth it and he will never change, not for you or anyone.

    Be strong and may God bless you.

  3. YES YOU ARE!!! You have endured enough, he’s treating you like dirt because he that you will always be there, to him you’re part of the furniture. Leave while you still can, who knows what disease he could bring home, you have yourself and your child to think about…leave and don’t look back, he has shown you what he is, why sit and hope he changes?


  4. I personally don’t encourage termination of pregnancy but in case of Lintle is the only sound solution. Thanks for the daily dose.

    Dear Maria
    I can just imagine your pain,love is patient and kind. Start loving yourself more than life itself. That man disrespect you,and doesn’t love you as he says,he loves the fact that you’re supportive and his punching bag. I don’t like divorce because my parents divorced when I was young,but now I’m an adult and understand it was for the best. We were better off without him. He’s promiscuous and will end up infecting you with sti’s if he hasn’t already.

    First thing pray for strength to pack your bags,get a job if you’re unemployed , do sti screening and hiv, the rest will fall into place with time. Don’t forget to take him to maintenance court,he has responsibility towards his daughter.

    Always remember God will never give you a challenge that’s above your strength . Keep on praying.

    1. I was just about to say the same thing. I think she is just playing the rape card here. Most 15 year olds know how a pregnancy test works. the least she could’ve done is research on her own before she goes to her mother with the tests. She bought the tests why didnt she read the instructions??/ Then she wakes up cheerfully??? this kid is too clever

  5. Q&A…he got really sick and you nursed him back to health? Meaning those are the results of his endless affairs nhe? Move on sisi or you are both going to leave that kid with no parent…there is certainly no comfort or even love in that relationship you will certainly find your feet.

  6. I think she is just playing the rape card here! Lintle was pregnant b4 the rape.. She know that why she doesnt want to go to the hospital

  7. I think Lintle she was never raped at all it was her way of leting her parents pity her then she could introduce her pregnancy.

  8. I also concur that she was pregnant before the rape. Usile kakhulu lomntwana kaNothabo.

    Maria, this man does not love nor respect you. Yes, you are doing the right thing.

  9. Maria, you have made up your mind so stick to it! Seek counselling to help you through the tough decision you will make, by nursing him back to life I hope for your sake that you were not nursing him to pick up his viral load, if not, thank God and move out of that relationship and marriage before you have to nurse yourself back to life. You have a young daughter, by staying and letting your ”husband” do all that he is doing, you are teaching your daughter that it is okay to take all that you taking from your man!

  10. No one asked to be raped but Lintle got what she was looking for, after you told her to stay at home. I want to be sympathetic though, but she forgots she brought this to herself.

    Maria am glad you walking away, you have tried your level best 7 years is too long dear, please write again and tell us how is life without him, you are used to it though because he is never there. His mistake is to think you cant live without him. All the best dear.

  11. Maria : Iam glad to hear that you are leaving that good for nothing man…You have tried your best lolo…7years of enduring his abuse and chaeting ways is a long time. Leave him…for your sake and that of your daughter’s..I promise you, you will not regret it One bit..You are right about one thing though…God will never ever leave you nor forsake you…Keep praying…Keep strong…All will work out for you..He doesn’t deserve you…..

    All the best in your future….


  12. I remember a story of a nurse nearby. My mom’s friend. De husband also was a travellor and everytym he went away would get a makhwapeni to de point of gng to live with her. He just dissapeared on his wife nd kids. One day she got a call frm makhwapeni saying she must cum get her husband he is dying. As a wife she did with her kids nd found him sick to death. She nursed him back to life until he was healthy nd got another job. He left home again. She was so devasteted but decided to muv on. She got a call frm him wanting to cum home cause he ws dying again. By then God helped her she is a fine got a loyal loving man. He died of siknes nd she never buried him. She is happy and her kids are doing well in universities.

    So cc let go and let God be. He has a plan always. Trust in him he wil heal u. U are not alone.

  13. I’m atheist and as you know I think prayer is useless. You need to take responsibility of your life. You have decided and its a step in the right direction. You can’t stay with someone who abuses you. Awuzithandi yini?

  14. Lintle refuses to go to the hospital because she knows the scan will show how far along she is and that she conceived before the incident

  15. todays chapter was so emotionally Mike and it really hit home. Rape is very sad especially to conceive after. that’s so sad

    QnA yes it sound like you’ve made up mind but you need some one to tell you if its the right decision. id say you’ve endured the abuse for long when its time to leave. its time to leave

  16. Yho Maria your story is just heartbreaking. I hope you follow through with leaving that scum for good, if not for yourself then do it for your precious daughter. The poor child has had to endure 7 of her 8 years with a miserable mother, she doesn’t deserve that and neither do you. This thing called love is killing us women hai man! Please turn yourself from this victim before you die before your time, be it from stress, diseases or even him beating you to death 1 day!
    Tsamaya ausi, o ska lebella le ko morago! Ebile lobola 10 years ago was not as ridiculous as now, nka go raisetsa ona magadi nyana a gae ra mo phara ka ona! O shwelang!!! Nxa

    Tsamaya! Goduka! Hamba! Loop! Vaya! Leave!

  17. Was lintle raped?if yes y a sa batle thuso ya parents tsa gage?dis grl is jst playing mind games with the parents,she was pregnant long b4 durban
    Tnx mike

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