You know you are in trouble when you are called by your full names. Parent, black parents especially, didn’t just call you by your full name, being called by your full name means you have messed up in some way. I remember the one time I got in trouble with my mom, she used all my names and surname- the tone she used emphasized that she was very angry. When I went to her, she beat me up! That was the 1st and last time my mother ever beat me, it was very weird for me because my mother hardly ever shouted at me, she was hardly ever around to see me make mistakes. She beat me up because I used her make-up, that is where my family realised that I loved beauty. After I used her make-up , I left a mess in her room, she was so angry you would swear I stole her money. She gave me a good beating, a beating I will never forget till the day I die.
Philani came into the kitchen and saw that I was crying
Philani: “ Yebo ma…….why are you crying angel?” I loved it when he called me angel, I preferred it not abo bae.
Mrs Mazibuko: “We should be asking you ukhuthi why is she crying, umenzeni?
Philani: “Nothing, as far as I know. Hlengiwe is very dramatic so angeke ngazi why she is crying.”
Hai this guy mara, he can’t say I’m dramatic in front of his family. I’m not even dramatic, what was he talking about.
Mrs M: “As far as you know? Does that mean you don’t even pay attention to her, have you lost interest in the poor girl.”
Philani: “cha ma.” I finally spoke, I lowered my voice, just to make story more effective.
Me : “Mama uPhilani has changed so much, and he is suddenly ashamed of me. Today at his church he couldn’t even introduce me to this other girl, it is obvious that they are dating because they were busy flirting right in front of my eyes. He disrespected me in front of this girl, while he made me wait for him in the car like some fool. Even on our way here, when I asked him about her, he dismissed me, when I continued to ask him questions he stopped the car and told me to get out of his car.”
Okay I don’t know why I just fabricated the truth but it had to be done. Sometimes you just have to spin a story so that it can work in your favour, don’t tell a complete lie. Twist the truth a bit and make it fit what you want and make sure that you never forget your version of the truth.
Philani: “ But Hlengy you are over-reacting, that is not how it happened.”
Mrs M: “ Philani kodwa uyisiphukuphuku mfana, do you want to lose this beautiful woman. You are no different from your father yez. This is what his father did to me name, after a few years of marriage but I sorted him and that woman out. He did it again with another woman when the kids were in varsity hai nalapho I solved it……” She went on about how she made sure that women knew that she was the madam. I think we all know a person who makes everything about herself, you can say to them : ‘I just lost my mother today’ they would say : ‘I remember the day I lost my cousin’s mom’s sister’s mother, so I know how you feel’. This woman was like that, she had the ability to make herself the main focus for every topic, she knew how to shift the attention from everyone to herself.
All the women in the kitchen ganged up on him and told him that he would regret it if he cheated on me…this went on for about 10 minutes until he got a chance to apologise.
Philani: “I’m sorry ke.”
Mrs M: “Ke Philani, ke? That is not how you apologise my boy, clearly you don’t mean it.”
Philani: “Sorry ma. Hlengy I’m sorry for hurting you.”
Inbetween sobs, I mumbled ‘it’s okay.’
I think I made the best decision when I decided to involve his family in our relationship, it was clearly working for me. When he left his sisters assured me that Philani loved me and I shouldn’t doubt that, I shoudn’t everything to get to me.
Food was ready and we set a table in the patio and went to eat there. Philani was quiet throughout the lunch.
We spoke about alot of things, his family was smart and they had alot of general knowledge. Sometimes sitting with them around the table felt like we were at some ‘how smart are you’ competition. Everyone wanted to prove that they were smart. But I think it was because their parents were both educated according to the standards of their generation. In her days their mother was a nurse, and the father was a lawyer. So they were always under pressure. Philani once told me that their father was never happy with their school results, a 70% or 80% wasn’t enough, they had to achieve above 85%, even that for him was mediocre. Their father would only take them out if they received 90% and above. They could only have a conversation with their father if they had learnt something new, so they were always watching news and reading encyclopaedias. Their father was definitely not going to approve of me, I was above average but I wasn’t an A+ student. I was well informed but I didn’t know half the things they spoke about.
Philani was rather quiet throughout bad. We normally left late when we visited his family but this time he insisted that we leave after the lunch. I said I didn’t want to go and he said that if I don’t want to go with him, I shouldn’t expect him to come and fetch me. He walked out, I was shocked but I said my goodbyes and followed him. The entire trip to my house was very silent, I tried making some small talk and ask questions but he gave me one word answers. We arrived at my house and we shared a brief kiss, out of habit I guess. Yes we kissed, surely there’s nothing wrong with kissing. We only kissed I wanted to remain pure, okay we only had oral sex at times, I didn’t want to have real sex. When I got out of the car, he drove off, he didn’t even wait for me to get inside the house. Tjo!
I walked inside the house and found my two friends Sihle and Tsiamo watching TV and having a conversation. After my sister got married and moved out I was left alone in the house. So both my friends moved in with me, as they are working and were tired of living under their parents’ roofs. My house was big, it had 4 bed-rooms, en-suite bathrooms, a huge kitchen, lounge, study and storeroom…..it was very beautiful. Don’t ask me where my mother got the money to build such a beautiful house because I also don’t know. My friends pay rent and help with the groceries, I don’t play like that, when it comes to money I got no friend at all.
Tsiamo: “Mina I think that a real Man of God should marry you within the 1st 6 months of the relationship. Why should he date you for a long time if he really loves you?”
Sihle: “ You are right but that doesn’t work for everyone. What if he isn’t ready for marriage or his finances are not fine?”
Tsiamo: “If he isn’t ready or isn’t financially stable, he shouldn’t even come and approach me. It’s clear that he will be wasting my time.”
Me: “Hey ladies, who are you gossiping about?”
Tsiamo: “We are talking about the Christian brothers who insist on dating us for years before they settle down.”
She said that with a smug grin on her face, it was obvious that she was trying to spite me since I’ve beem dating Philani for 3 years and still no marriage or engagement. Thinking about it vele, why doesn’t Philani marry me? I’m obviously the woman he loves and wants to spend the rest of his life with. He is financially stable, spiritually mature and he is old enough, so what are we waiting for?
Me: “ Mhhhh interesting, I wonder why they do that vele.”
Tsiamo: “ Then you need to ask your boyfriend why he’s taking his sweet time to marry you. He is old yet he doesn’t want to get married. Hai shame this brother needs prayers or maybe he just doesn’t love you. Phela if a man loves you he wants to be with you and marries you quickly.”
Me: “ Maybe you can ask him when he comes. Goodnight.”
Mxm I was pissed shame. Tsiamo was my friend and I loved her but she irritated me 80% of the time, she was very judgemental. Tsiamo thought she was better than all of us, she has never even had a proper relationship. She is the type of girl who thinks she is a Proverbs 31 woman, such a cliché though…..who can measure up to the standards of the Proverbs 31 woman?
I went to my room, climbed on my bed and logged on to facebook. As I was browsing through my newsfeed, I saw Philani’s status: “I don’t understand women, you can do all you can to make them happy, but some of them will remain selfish and ungrateful.” Yoh it was obvious that he was talking about me. The comments were mainly from guys and they were all agreeing with him. One comment caught my attention…it was Lerato’s comment, it said: “If you were mine I would never be ungrateful. A man like you is every woman’s dream, you need a real woman in your life not a girl!” the guys liked her comment and Philani replied to it and said : “ You are a real woman of substance Lerato. Lucky is the man that will make you his wife.”
My heart sank, my blood boiled. I sent Philani a text asking him what he meant on his status his response was: “I meant exactly what you think I meant. I don’t have time for this right now Hlengiwe. Goodnight.” How rude nxxxxxx