There are some people whom you promise yourself that you never want to talk to again. You swear on it that no matter what, they should never be given a chance to open their mouths in front of you but something happens when they talk to you. No matter how angry you are, when they speak to you can’t resist speaking back and breaking your own promise. Other people are quick to call you weak when you do it by they too have that one person they can’t resist and Dear Lord, it’s usually an Ex! Of all the evil things in this world, an ex is the worst kind of punishment if you can’t resist them. They make you a fool because much as you hate them they are always there. When you hate someone so much often times you leave yourself vulnerable. Him being kind to me was beyond question the most confusing thing that had happened to me in a long time. Your mind tells you something else whilst your heart tells you the complete opposite. I am not saying I was willing to forgive Mudenda but tonight some of the things he had said had hit home.
There was a knock in the door and it was Lunga and Aurelia. They were in pyjamas and had come for dinner. Rich people really seem to have life much simpler than all others around. I would never go to dinner dressed like this and I am not even uptight. Let’s be honest to one another though, it was kind of cool to be that free with life.
“The great Mudenda himself!”
Aurelia said when she walked in. She was being sarcastic of course which was going to make it for an awkward night. Lunga extended his hand and they shook.
“Yes in the flesh!”
He said. I think when he looked at the physical specimen that was Lunga he figured it would not be the brightest idea to exchange words with Aurelia. They used to get along so well back in the day but this was now. It’s that thing of mixing crews, in varsity everything is like in the Best Man, one big girl crew is friends with one big guy crew so we all know each other and work well together until one horny muthafucker has to fuck all that time. In this case it was Mudenda.
“Dude I don’t get it? I really got to ask because there are times when I sit and ask myself this. When did you turn out to be such an arsehole? You were the nicest guy we all knew, you practically raised us in University you know!”
Aurelia asked him as soon as we sat down. She was not pulling any punches. He looked down and said nothing but she was not done,
“Remember Faith how we knew absolutely nothing and Mudenda would run around to make sure everything we needed was sorted. You were like our superman and we all loved you. Then you started dating Faith and everyone supported it because you were and no offence Faith, still are the perfect fit! Now look at you, you are this bitter baby abusive baby daddy who takes pleasure in humiliating your ex-girlfriend, whom you dumped over something you made up in your head mind you and you sit there with your head held up high with no shame whatsoever!”
She went into him. I had not seen that one coming but again I did say that when people have history everyone who is part of that history feels as though they are entitled a say.
“Aurelia it’s ok, please let’s not…”
I started because I did not want this to be any more awkward than it already was. It would look as though I had brought Aurelia here to fight my battle and it would not look nice. I was crying now because all she had said was true but she was not done,
“You fucken slept with Zama and Meladi! They were her best friends you fucken moron her best friends! Do you know what that does to a girl? She can never ever trust anyone else again and if I wasn’t so small I would fuck you up for that! You hurt the most amazing girl because you were selfish and greedy. God knows if there was any justice in this world you should end up in jail for this and they should rape you with a broomstick every day of your life and that just won’t even begin to tell the story of how much you should be punished!”
She said and this time Lunga intervened.
“That’s enough Aurelia!”
I thought she would go on but she did not. She too now had tears in her eyes.
“Pray for our food please Mudenda!”
She said menacingly and after that tirade she was never going to refuse. We are not praying people but I know why she did that. Imagine being told all that and then you are made to pray for the food. It is stupefying. To his credit he prayed, even though he mumbled through it. He however did not respond to what Aurelia had said but every word of it, from where I sat was true. We all did not eat nicely that dinner and Aurelia had gotten us a bottle of wine, no one touched it. In fact as soon as dinner was done we all called it a night. I tried to call Thulare but he did not pick up so I sent him a message saying good night.
Amo slept through the night and so did I surprisingly so. In spite of all that had been said I was at peace with myself.
He said cheerfully. I was surprised because I had expected him to be hostile after last night but I guess he was trying to make the best of the situation.
“I am about to go to breakfast with Aurelia and Lunga. They want to go do some of the activities so they will be leaving.”
I told him.
“Oh cool. I will join you guys!”
He said and I asked him immediately if that was wise considering last night.
“The truth hurts but it’s the truth and we can’t avoid it!”
This was crazy but it was his pride at stake not mine. I sent Aurelia a message saying that he had asked to join us for breakfast. Amo had been fed so I just put him in his stroller and we went down. I was expecting some tension but Aurelia was more chilled today and was more interested in their activities. She wanted us to all do Valley of the Waves later so she was in a good space. Lunga I noticed made very little small talk with Mudenda as opposed to what he had done with Thulare. I guess he had chosen a side. When we parted ways it just felt like last night was an important thing to happen because I think on my own I would not have been able to articulate myself as well as she had done for me but my pain was real. An ex you share a child with is so hard to get over because you have to deal with them.
“So what are we doing today?”
He asked me. Somehow that entire swagger he had yesterday was gone. He was not as cheerful. In fact he was a bit mellow.
“We are here to talk so let’s find a place to sit so we can talk!”
I reminded him. He was fine with it. Right around then Thulare called me.
I said to him deliberately and through the corner of my eye I could see Mudenda raise his eyebrows.
“I miss you too!”
I said when he told me that he missed me. He didn’t speak long but when he hung up I continued,
“I will give you the biggest kiss when we come back. You are too good to me and thank you so much baby. I love you too!”
I said to my phone. I could see in Mudenda that he had not expected that.
“Sorry about that! Have you called Meladi yet because we don’t want her freaking out?”
I asked him with a big smile on my face. When a girl is in love you can just tell and when someone is not, well it’s obvious.
“I will call her in my own time!”
He snapped annoyed at me. His mood was turning into the Mudenda I knew and I had come prepared for. This was better. Not the good boy who had showed up. What was I going to do with him?
“Well you should. I don’t want her calling the police on me again, or saying I bewitched you! You know how she gets.”
I said. I could see the pain on his face. With men it’s so easy to tell when all is not well in paradise and with Mudenda he could not even hide it if he tried. I was not going to hold back not that I gave a fuck,
“Is something wrong in your relationship?”
I asked him, of which he snapped and said,
“It’s none of your fucking business ok!”
Of which I laughed out loud so he could see I was not intimidated by him shouting.
“Eh dude, it was your idea that I come here and we discuss our relationship and seeing that Meladi is a big part of it she has to be discussed. That’s why she was supposed to be here in the first place!”
I said to him smiling.
“Meladi did not come because we are fighting ok. I asked her what Thulare had said about our baby and she just got defensive after that. She has been distant and hostile. She says I don’t trust her and I am making up things when all I did was say ‘Thulare suggested the baby is not mine’ and that was it!”
I had even forgotten about that even though I had said I was going to ask. Crap, imagine that eventuality that the baby was not his, what would it do with all that ego that he had.
“So did he tell you something?”
He asked me. Now I get it, the reason why he was being nice to me last night. His plan all along had been to ask me what Thulare had told me. It was a clever plan too but he had not counted on Aurelia spoiling it for everyone so now it was awkward.
“I never asked him because I was too busy worrying about my baby daddy wanting to give my baby up for adoption!”
I told him. He had not expected that retort and it just made him even more uncomfortable but he did not take it back.
“Can you find out for me what he meant? It’s killing me inside because now I am in a situation of whose fooling who? My parents are so in love with her parents, everyone but my sister loves her and now I am the one stuck not knowing where I stand!”
He said opening up to me but he was never ready for me when I responded,
“Dude, that’s none of my fucken business so go tell that sob story to someone who cares. I am not going to ask anything for you because I don’t care what happens in your house. I care for Amo and Amo alone and you paying maintenance. Meladi is not my friend, you are not my friend, and you are just the dude that’s going to pay every cent of the child he does not want education and wellbeing.”
I retorted very sternly,
“… and did you read that they put it into law that dead beat dad’s will be blacklisted over maintenance so let’s discuss that part, how much you can afford and how much of a part you want in his life!”
I told him. I had really gone for the jugular this time. He looked at me in shock because I doubt he had expected me to have some fight in me.
“That was rather cold!”
He said to me and I responded,
“Good! Now deal with it because I need answers to my questions then you can go back to your incestuous family!”
The words came out before I could stop myself and even when they did I tried to pull them back. His face turned pale, as though all the blood had been drained from it.
“What the fuck did you say?”
He asked me!
I had made that part up, I don’t know why but this was wrong.
“I said nothing!”
I had crossed a line and there would be consequences!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you for reading this. I have been avoiding sending this for a while because I am ashamed of myself. I have been sleeping with my first cousin for about two months now. I am engaged to be married to a very decent guy but for some reason I can’t stop myself. What’s worse this started at the After Tears of his mother. We drank a lot and I don’t know how we ended up in one of the cars. His mother was my mother’s older sibling. It was very awkward after we did it so we decided to meet at his place to discuss it as I was so ashamed and did not want to be seen in public with him. Instead, we ended sleeping together again. I am so ashamed and I am not sure what to do. He is also the only cousin that likes my fiancé meaning he is close to him but now I am so scared what would happen if he finds out. They don’t like my fiancé because he has two kids and I have zero.
Has anyone ever had sexual relationship with a relative and how do you stop it? We meet at family events which scares me now because I am not sure I am in full control of myself. Please I am begging for anyone to advise me how I can get over this and put it at the back of my mind.