People want to act like they don’t have sex or are never going to have sex. We are programmed to make it seem like sex is such a taboo thing which we can’t even talk about. Even when you are with adults and you see two dogs having sex you are embarrassed and if I ask you why I doubt very much you can tell me. I am in no way saying that my daughter catching me have sex was normal and should have happened but to act as thought it was the end of the world would be pushing it. I just needed time to get over this moment and when my husband handed me that tissue to wipe his cum off my face I just felt so cheap. We looked at each other and I said,
“What the fuck were we thinking?”
He looked at me with such bemusement in his eyes he just broke out into laughter. At first I was so annoyed but I found myself laughing too. You have to admit, it was kind of funny what had just happened.
“Eish Sizwe all those kids so us and you know they are going to tell everyone that can listen what they saw!”
I said when I finally managed to compose myself. Yes kids of today with their social media, I had no doubt that by now each had told someone. This was going to spread like house fire but funny enough that was the least of my concerns, Lintle was. How was she going to take this? With her recent rape, us having sex, and the humiliation that came with it I was worried she would not cope with it. The other kids, as kids do, we’re never going to let this go. They were going to laugh at her and so on. Would she able to cope with this in her fragile state?
“Do you think we must change Lintle schools?”
I asked Sizwe as we sat down in the study. I don’t think his thoughts had been on our daughter because he responded by asking what I was talking about. I had to explain myself but I did not mind because it meant that I could make it clear to him. When I was done he said,
“I think that decision is hers to make. We can’t force her out because we were embarrassed. Love we were caught having sex, a married man and woman so why should it be the end of the world?”
He asked me. I get that we were not doing anything wrong but school kids who were friends with my daughter had seen my lady parts and how was I going to ever drop them off at school without other kids staring and pointing.
As I was driving to go pick her up my heart was pounding. I decided that I was not going to enter Noma’s house as I always do when I pick her up. When I got there however Noma and her husband were outside talking to their Gardner. There was no way I could stay in the car. I had to come out. The walk of shame is the longest walk you can ever take. When she saw me I could see she wanted to burst out laughing. The husband kept that stern look on his face that he had had in court.
I said to them. I did not know what else to say to them but Noma jumped in and said,
“I would have brought her back. The kids are still here!”
She said. Her husband smiled and then excused himself and as soon as he was out of earshot I said,
“I am so sorry about what happened today. I did not realize what the time was and what you saw; i don’t even know where to hide!”
I said to her. She actually laughed but in a comforting way and said,
“I wish it was me. At least it would mean I was getting some!”
Uncomfortable as that was I found myself laughing too, be it nervously.
“I don’t even know what to say to my daughter and what her friends saw, I wish I could just rewind time or just die at this instant!”
I told her and she said I was being dramatic. Everything would be fine eventually so I should stop acting like this would be the end of the world as it really was not.
“Everyone knows what sex it so they will get over it!”
She said. She asked me to come in so she could call Lintle down but I declined saying her husband had seen enough of me in one day. We laughed again. She said the other kids parents would be on their way soon. I told her I would wait in the car and she went inside to call Lintle. When Lintle came she went and sat in the backseat. She always sits in front when it’s just the two of us but this time she went straight to the back.
“Good luck and see you tomorrow when I pick her up again!”
She said and laughed as she went inside. It was hilarious and I am certain she was telling herself better me than her.
I said to my daughter trying to be as sweet as possible but instead she looked at me, rolled her eyes and put her earphones! On any other day I would have given her a tongue lashing but I think for that moment she had earned it. When we got in the house she came out and went straight to her room and put her bag down. I thought she would not be coming down but she did and started looking for food in the kitchen. She was hungry. I could hear Mapula talking to her about how she had missed her when she was gone. She sat in the kitchen with Mapula again something she never did. My husband kept on giving me funny looks and making funny faces but I dared not laugh because we were in enough trouble as is. When she was done she was about to walk past us to go to her room but I stopped her!
“Come here Lintle! Right now and sit down!”
I said sternly. She came and made sure she sat on the couch we had not been on.
“Did you greet your father when you walked in?”
I asked and she did not answer me but looked at her feet!
“It’s ok dear she had a lot on her mind!”
My husband said defending her but I would not let him.
“No, it’s rude! We didn’t kill anyone. Apologise to your father!”
I told her, of which she looked up at him and said,
“I am sorry daddy. I didn’t know how to look at you!”
She said but well, she had to and need to act grown up.
“Love you should have told us you were bringing friends over.”
I told her but she was not listening to me,
“Since when do I that? I have been out of school for too long and everyone was willing to help me catch up. The project they were given two weeks ago so I had to catch up. There was nowhere else to take them and there still isn’t. Please tomorrow when we come be at work or something. I don’t want you to drop me off at school for a bit as well, I will rather take the bus!”
She said. My daughter had never ever taken the bus to school and she was not about to start now. I will make a plan of some sort.
“Would you like us to change you schools?”
My husband asked her. He seemed to not have much else to ask so he took the one thing that he had.
“Are you serious dad? The whole world, my world must stop because my parents could not use their bedroom!?”
She snapped at him,
“Watch your tone young lady!”
He said menacingly!
“Or else what dad? I will never look at you the same! No child should ever see her father’s penis so don’t you dare threaten me for ruining how I look at you!”
“All my friends saw you and they have told so many more. There is nowhere to hide! I am the one who will have to deal with the consequences of what has happened not you!”
She cried and ran upstairs. I was just helpless. She was right about it being her that had to live with it but it was not something we had planned.
“Must I go talk to her?”
Sizwe asked me defeated. I told him no but he can come listen in by her door. I went upstairs after her and Sizwe followed. He stayed outside her door like requested.
“What do you want mum? Two days ago I was raped!”
She said softly between sobs,
“I was raped by two men. I told you about it. 48hours later you are having sex. Have you no compassion at all? For you life just goes on? What about for me mum? What about for me? How do you think I felt seeing that what happened to me was so trivial to you, your life can just continue on its merry way?”
She asked me. She was being unfair but she was right in a way. I was not even sure how to answer her!
“I am trying to stay strong and you are not making it any easier! I am not saying your life should stop but you could have given it a week! I am smiling at daddy because I don’t want him to give me the same look you gave me when you saw me at the hospital!”
She continued of which I asked,
“That of pity, anger and disgust!”
On the pity and anger part she was right. My anger was justified. Lintle does not listen. She was not allowed to go out and she had snuck out. I had warned about her friends and decisions but she did not listen. No I am not saying my wayward daughter deserved what happened to her but the truth was, all she needed have done was listen. We are not adults because we won that right in the lotto, we adults because we have experience in this cruel world. I was so angry that I could have strangled her but with all that had happened that anger had been reduced to pity so she was right again on that front. I pitied the fact that it had happened to her not just as a woman but also as my daughter. I reached a low inside me knowing that this had happened under my watch and it hurt me so much. Rape victims don’t want pity I know but looking at her I just could not help it. I felt sorry for her in so many ways. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
“Ok then I hear you. You should not have seen what you saw today and next time we will keep it in the bedroom!”
I reassured her. I was reassuring myself too in the process that adventure was not for me. I had to just accept that life stops when you get old. I must just wait to wither and die.
I stood up and went outside. The joke was back on me. I was crying now because she was right, I had not shown compassion. That’s why I did not want to have sex when I got back. It was just not right. Sizwe and I walked downstairs together.
“I don’t want to talk about it!”
I said to him as soon as we got downstairs. I knew he was going to ask if he should tell her that he knew about the rape.
“Sizwe, how did you guys gets away from today’s case! The truth please!”
I asked him.
“I don’t know but you know the judge is a friend of many people so he helped us get away with it. Please don’t ask any more questions, please! I didn’t facilitate it, someone else did!”
He said and sat down.
“Are we ever going to have sex again?”
He asked me sheepishly…
I said annoyed but I laughed because it was just a silly question.
“I see you still laughing!”
Lintle said from the stair case!
I had not seen nor heard her come down!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Good Morning Mike,
I have a bit of a dilemma here and I am hoping your readers would assist with some advice.
Before I go any further I want to say big up to you and the lady u guys do an amazing job and your blog is an eye opener.
Here goes, I am in a relationship with a wonderful men I have a child and he has one and we recently just had one of our own. He is a hands on loving father to my all kids but the problem is he does not get to spend enough time with his child, I believe baby mama is still bitter about their break up of three years. Baby mama lives 20min away from us but whenever he ask her for the child she always have excuses of doing something with the child blahblahblah to an extend that he stop asking.
The only time he gets to see his daughter is when his mom calls the baby mama and ask to see the child then he gets called to go to his mom’s house to see the child not even spend the weekend with her. When I ask they say she will get cross if she finds out that baby daddy had the child for the weekend.
He does not get to see is child not even on her birthday. I love that child and she loves my child and i so much to a point that since i met her she never called me anything but mama, to a point that when we drive her back she would cry.
I want to know if there is anything that I can do in this situation because I can see that this hurts him cos he feels like he is a maintenance only dad and all he wants is to spend time with his daughter. Is it right for a mother to refuse so much access to baby daddy who supports his child every month to a point that she would even ask for more money at times yet she refuses to give him a weekend to spend with his child once a month.
I am forever tempered to contact her and tell her mother to mother that she is wrong by depriving that child of his fathers love and attention.
Guys pls help cos I want that child to be a part of our family and know his little siblings better.
Please note. That I was not part of their break up as they have been long a part when I got into the picture. I have never met baby mama.