If you were told that tomorrow you were going to die or you are going to jail for life, name three things you would like to do before you enter? Just three? I know I would like to spend time with my daughter especially, probably eat my favorite dinner with good friends and laugh a lot then finally maybe probably go to church to make my confession and repent. That’s me! With most men I can assure that one of these three things they would like to do is sex. It’s sad because they can’t even last ten minutes most of them so it’s not a realistic fulfilling dream but oh well men do after all use their dicks for most of their decisions anyway. I know I look bad and already seems like I was avoiding having sex with my husband but do the maths, my daughter had just been raped, someone had penetrated her by force and barely 24hours later I was opening my legs to make love? Come on now, how insensitive would I be! I was not turned on, I could not be tirne and probably for a long time I don’t want to see a dick in my face.
“Why did you not tell me yesterday?”
He asked me angrily getting out of bed. He put his hands on his head and then into his face and sighed. It was troubling him and it was troubling me too. I should not have told him but he was the father of the child
“She begged me not to tell you so please do not be so loud!”
I told him but he was not hearing me,
“She is a child and she needs her father right now!”
He said fighting me.
“You are not listening. She has to tell you when she is ready. She can’t know that you know otherwise she will never trust us again!”
I don’t think I had ever seen my husband cry. He broke down there and then and crumbled on the floor. I was not sure what to do because I was now also crying. This had broken my already broken family.
“But you are an adult. If our child is in trouble we fix it together. You cannot tell me that it means more to you when Lintle says you must keep a secret so big from me and you do so. I am her father. It’s not about me being intrusive.”
He argued with me. Whose side was I supposed to choose now? My daughter or my husband? What is marriage if we keep secrets of our children from each other.
“I am sorry my love I did not know what else to do.”
My husband switched off the lights and did not say anything. There was no good night or anything. I could not sleep and he was awake. I could hear that from his breathing.
“Sizwe talk to me please! You can’t ignore me. Things are bad enough as it is!”
I told him. He did not reply me and instead chose to ignore. It was starting to feel as though whatever I did in this marriage I was always to blame. I could not do right by anyone. At some point I fell asleep. I don’t even remember when but am certain my husband did not say a word.
In the morning I was woken up by knocking.
Lintle’s voice said from outside my door. I sat up. Sizwe was not in thhe bed.
“Yes baby come in!”
I shouted from inside my room.
“Good morning mum. I don’t want to be late for school!”
She said standing there in a her uniform when she was by the side of my dead. I had even forgotten that there was still school. She had been out for so long but I had given them a letter saying that she had meningitis which takes about a month or so to fully clear. It’s a good thing I had planned this carefully otherwise she would not have had a school to go back to.
“You are going to school?”
I asked her a bit surprised.
“Why wouldn’t I be going to school?”
She asked me with a smile on her face. I knew the answer but I could not say it. Ok I had not expected her to say that nor in such a cheerful manner. This was so confusing. I expected her to be sad and miserable but she was working so hard to function as normal which means I did not know how to help her.
“I thought you still needed some rest. It’s been a hectic last couple of days and we had not prepared for you going back!”
I told her but she kept on smiling and said,
“Mum if I stay out of school any longer I will never catch up. My mother is a doctor so imagine what people say if I have to repeat a grade!”
She said with a bit of sarcasm on it. Do you think kids are under pressure to emulate or better their parents? I don’t see ambition in kids today so to me it came out as a cheeky comment.
“No one said anything about repeating grades but my dear you haven’t really been at your best lately. Ever since Nelisa came you started acting out!”
I told her. She looked down for a second then responded,
“I know and I accept responsibility for that. I promise to improve. Please invite her over for a few days. I need a big sister right now and she is the closest thing I have!”
Ok now she was pushing her luck. Nelisa was a bad influence and Lintle was acting right now the last thing she needed was to be advised by such a person. I agreed that I will make a plan but just so I could make her smile. Make no mistake about it, if you invite a snake into your house, only you are to blame! Bringing Nelisa to the house would be like focusing all our attention on the snake forgetting the scorpion crawling in.
I was disturbed from my thoughts when my husband walked in from the walk in closet,
“I am going for a jog!”
He said as he knelt to tie his laces then he stood up. It was then that he saw her and he paused. He took one look at her and he walked out. I don’t know why he did that.
“Did you tell him mum?”
She asked me angrily of which I readily jumped and said no I did not.
“Why is he angry at me though?”
She asked me,
“Because he did not get to reprimand you for disappearing. That’s the last thing he remembers you doing so he has a right to be angry!”
She looked down at her feet and said,
“Can I go to school now! Please ask Lisa’s mum to pick me up as you are late as is!”
Lisakhaya was one of the girls that went to my daughters school. They stayed close to us and we knew the family from school. Sometimes we picked up Lisa for them when they were not available. I called Noma, the mum and she said she was already heading out so she will pick her at the gate!
“I am going downstairs and out. Can I have pocket money?”
She asked. I insisted on walking her to the gate even though she was against the idea. It was like our trust issues had resurfaced and I did not trust her to go to school.
“Sorry to jump you like this and calling you last minute!”
I said to Noma as soon as she parked. She said it was not a bother and asked if she should drop her off as well and I agreed. They drove off. I wanted to call Sizwe but I had left my phone in the house. What kind of behaviour was that. He should have been nice to her. Fortunately I didn’t have to make the call because when I got in I found him sitting in the car in the garage. He was crying again.
“Why did you leave like that?”
I asked him angrily.
“Did you want me to break down in front of her? When. I saw her I remember last night!”
He said. I got in the car with him and sat next to him.
“We can’t do this. Today is your last day. If we break apart every time we see we remind her everyday.”
I told him.
“Where are you going to tell her I am going today?”
He asked me. I had not forgotten that there was that too hanging over our heads. This life was tough I tell you.
“I will tell her you were called away on a meeting or something. Besides you will be back latest tomorrow so we don’t have to make it a big deal. I will be at the court with you then will go to work. They are already calling. I have been up and down lately!”
I reminded him.
“Does she need to see more doctors or talk to someone?”
He asked me. I explained as much as I could. When we were done we went and took a shower together. He was no longer horny and did not even try to touch me but we kissed and held each other. It felt like the longest time. Compared to most couples I think we are not as bad. It’s not like we don’t stand each other. We have differences yes but we love each other. He dressed up and took an old cheap watch saying that he needed to keep time but did not want to be robbed. He asked me to pray for him and that took me by surprise. Black people are not honest with themselves, we all look to God when we are in trouble yet I won’t lie Christians baffle me. Now Sfiso Ncwane bought his pastor a car for r1.4million. Imagine, a car for that much as a gift to his pastor! Now you definitely know that if you went to school to become a teacher, lawyer doctor, nurse you fucked up. You wasted your time if being a Moruti can give you such “blessings”! I knelt down for the first time in a long time and I prayed. It was not easy and I felt a lump in my throat because I had not done it in such a long time. My mother only discovered religion late on in life and having grown up in a taxi family meant it was not top of our priority list.
When we go to the court were the bail hearing was being heard, there was a delay of about 45minutes. It was weird because I could see lawyers running around. When the judge came in, he did not seem impressed at all. He was actually angry if that’s the word. I could not help but marvel at how much he looked so familiar. I knew him. I just could not place it. Moreover, my husband was not the only one being tried. Samantha’s husband was there too. This was bigger than I thought. There were four other people there making them six in total.
“Gentleman I am going to be frank with you. The prosecution team messed this one up. How do you have not one but all six dockets missing? I am throwing out this case with costs to the prosecutors! You have wasted everyone’s time!”
That’s all I remember from the case. It was finished before it even began. The judge stood out and left. Something dodgy had happened here but corruption is only corruption if you are not benefiting from it.
“Baby we going home!”
My husband ran up to me and gave me a big hug. I was stunned. What had just happened?
“Baby what’s going on?”
I asked him as we walked out.
“Don’t ask, just walk!”
South Africa really is rotten to the core but I was not going to complain.
For the first time in a long time I could smile.
But who was that judge?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hey Mike & fellow readers
I have a friend who recently had a baby(July). She was engaged to a divorcing guy. Apparently the court granted that he may see his older child twice a month.
My friend’s problem is that she doesn’t want his child to visit her house. She doesn’t want him near her or her new baby. She says the only baby she wants is hers.
The guy wants out coz she doesn’t love his child. I told her to think otherwise & accept his child but she isn’t having none of it. She knew from the start he had a child.
Is she fair?
A SPECIAL HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THOZAMA MQIKELA… YOUR TALENT AS A WRITER IS BEYOND WORDS AND WE ARE TRULY HONORED TO HAVE YOU ON OUR TEAM. WISH YOU A MILLION MORE WORDS AND STAY BLESSED