“Mum I did nothing wrong and if they are going to blame me I am going to stand my ground!”
I said defiantly. Don’t be surprised, when you are in trouble the lies are even easier to tell because you know your ass depends on. I was dying inside but I was not going to make it show. Men have a thing of thinking that women cannot defend themselves and those that they love if cornered. They fail to see that we are just as lethal as them when provoked. I did not want to play the victim in anything I did which is why everytime that family did something I react. Being a baby mama does not make us crazy but stronger because we have to play both mom and dad. What I did I knew would teach that man a lesson he will not soon forget no matter what happens? Imagine the pain that Tidimalo’s father had felt when she thought that her son was dead? If you are a mother you would fully appreciate why it was so bad because to give birth is an experience that would make most men, even those big buff ones at the gym, shit in their pants.
“So what are you going to do if the police come here?”
My mother asked me seeing that I was not backing down.
“Let them come!”
I said and I went to my sister. My mother was convinced it was me but it’s easy to make a person doubt themselves by sticking to your guns.
“What did you think of what happened to him?”
I asked my sister. She had not heard the whole story so I had to tell her the story as my mother had told it. I knew my mum was listening so me telling my sister further distanced me from being the guilty one. I did not want to be home though. I wanted to be with Tidimalo and Thulare. I did not like Nozipho though. Is it true though that if you are a single mother you are much better off dating a single father? It makes sense when you think about it, raising a child is easier said than done and changes you as a person immensely meaning someone else who has experienced it makes for a good partner. Truth be toldd however, your child is fine but having to accommodate his and the potential baby mama drama that will come after is not appealing at all.
“I am going to Pretoria to see that man again. I want to explain to him that I have listened to the recording over and over again and no, it’s not you!”
My mother said to me. She was not convincing at all but I guess she had to try protect me.
“Mum you don’t even know where they stay?”
I told her but she said she did. He had given them his address because of Amo. I was not getting involved.
“Must I come with you?”
I asked her but she said no because I would cause drama. She would be going with Amo though to give my sister a chance to do her envelopes in peace. I then askedd her for a ride to Centurion Mall so that I could rejoin my friends and she said it was fine. I called Thulare and told him that I was on my way back so they should not do take out. He had not even arrived yet, traffic.
When I got to Centurion Mall he picked me up but said that one of their other friends has picked up Tidimallo and Nozipho to go pick up Nelisa, her cousin and her friend. I was so annoyed but hid it well. Nozipho wanted to get rid of me and very soon she will be telling Tidimallo not to hang out with me. I know these type of girls who choose what friends their men should have. Sies!
We sat down on the table and they had put a hold on the food waiting on the others. I was starving and the place was pretty packed now.
“I think you are cool but I hope you understand that I have a baby and she comes first!”
I told him.
He laughed at me and told me that I should stop acting like I was the only to ever get a baby because he had one too. He said baby mamas like to play the victim card that’s why they are misunderstood. I was not sure what he meant but I took it negatively.
“I am not playing the victim. Men will never understand. You get to have kids and leave them there! We don’t!
I said rather annoyed because I felt as though he had cheapened what it is that as women go through when it’s us as single moms. With a guy, because he is a man, he is allowed by society to get away with it hence why it’s always the girl that has to take the child home to her parents.
“I am sorry love. We are fighting over something I did not create. I would like to change the topic though. I want to hear more about you.”
He said smoothly. He was so sweet though. Most guys on a first date prefer to talk about themselves as their aim is to impress. Trust me on this, most girls we have heard it all as men lie on these dates to make themselves look and sound better than they really are. I friend of mine once dated a guy who he said that he worked in mining. She assumed he was an engineer and he encouraged it until she saw him toyi toying on tv and realized he was actually an uneducated miner. Men know how to talk right if they know there is a possibility of getting into your pants.
“What would you like to know about me?”
I asked him. He had put me on the spot here and I was stuck now. Maybe him talking about himself would have been better I don’t know now.
“Ok let’s not be conventional. I don’t want to ask you police question like most guys do. Tell me something you that you would not tell a guy on the first date?”
He said with a smile on his face and wow what a question. As a girl there is a lot you wull not say in all honesty because you have to be a lady. I think that’s why they say poor people are the happiest because this game of pretence doesn’t have to work with them.
“One thing I would not say?”
I asked him sheepishly! Wow!
“Yes don’t think just talk?”
He said to me looking me in the eye which made me blush under my dark skin.
“Ok. I have not been laid in a long time meaning I am super horny often!”
He looked at me with a strange look on his face and for a moment there I thought he did not believe him then he burst out laughing.
“Must be tough neh but don’t worry one day is one day!”
He said in between. Ok I had just over exposed myself but I was horny so it’s true.
“Well I hope you will be my girlfriend soon because I don’t want no string attached sex with you. I want a girlfriend not a booty call and for this reason I am afraid you will have to wait a bit longer as we get to know each other!”
He said with a smile on his face but I can’t deny that I could actually tell how serious he was. Maybe it’s just how South African girls are today. If a guy does not want to have sex with you and you “together” it means he is getting it somewhere else. In our modernity and independence as women the first thing that us young girls have gone for is sexual liberalisation. We are so loose with our favours we have killed that myth of sex reserved for some one you love yet we blame men when we think all they are after is sex. It’s a very interesting situation.
“Moving on love, if we we were to have a wedding right now, and you were to pick a wedding song, what would it be?”
This guy and his questions. That was the last question I wanted. I was not really romantic that like. I feel like guys who are too sweet are capable of hurting you even more than these other bums because they build up great expectations and you will never see it coming when he destroys you. With bums at least you know he is going to be a dick so you brace yourself for it. I am just being honest.
“God Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatt!”
I said and he looked at me confused then laughed!
“Eh did you just make that up because I don’t even know who that is!”
“Good and no more questions. Everything else you will learn as time goes on!”
He said. As I said that I looked up and I saw Tidimalo and Nozipho walk in. They were with two other girls and guess what, I knew one of them! Wow small world.
“Oh I didn’t know you would be here!”
The girl I knew said as they got to us.
“Thandeka Mkhize! Really is a small world indeed. Haven’t seen you since the braai!”
I said to her.
“This is my flatmate, Nelisa, Nelisa meet Faith!”
She said taking over the conversation. I got to look at Nozipho cousin for the first and Dear Lord, the way this girl was stunning! I don’t know many girls even on TV who can compete with her and again I say wow!
“Thulare this is my cousin the one I said I want to hook you up to!”
Nozipho said smugly and not even embarrassed over the fact she knew he was being hooked up to me.
“Pleasure to meet you Nelisa! Your cousin thinks she is cupid!”
He said with a smile. Awkward moment in deed.
I was backing off because I had lost this fight before it even started!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
This was one of the comments we received from a concerned reader last week. I found it so profound I shared it with people on my panel at the South African Book Fair about the representation of women in literature. I also had a good debate about with Khaya Dlanga and today I put it forward to you as it woman’s month to express yourself over the topic. Thank you kindly:
“It seems the narrative that is being echoed across this blog is that black women CAN’T keep it together. Black women are potrayed as these angry, bitchy, can’t stay committed, need a man, bitter & vile people. We have enough of that portrayal from white owned media. Young black girls will grow up thinking this is the way we are, young black boys will grow up associating black women with drama & would rather be with the more calmer white women. We all have our battles but I know a lot of black women who have been strong throughout & are not as dramatic as the women portrayed in your blogs. The women in your stories if they do not love desperately ( Lesedi), then they are very naïve (Thandeka), if they are not bossy & domineering (Lethabo) then they are pathetic & have this low self-esteem about themselves & always think the world is against them because of their position in life (Faith). Mike its time for a positive narrative about South African black women”
This was a letter from one of our loyal readers and thank you Thandeka for bringing this up. I will comment on it as well. Friends how do you perceive the woman in our blogs?