Rumblings – Chapter Eighty Seven

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

“Mum I did nothing wrong and if they are going to blame me I am going to stand my ground!”

I said defiantly. Don’t be surprised, when you are in trouble the lies are even easier to tell because you know your ass depends on. I was dying inside but I was not going to make it show. Men have a thing of thinking that women cannot defend themselves and those that they love if cornered. They fail to see that we are just as lethal as them when provoked. I did not want to play the victim in anything I did which is why everytime that family did something I react. Being a baby mama does not make us crazy but stronger because we have to play both mom and dad. What I did I knew would teach that man a lesson he will not soon forget no matter what happens? Imagine the pain that Tidimalo’s father had felt when she thought that her son was dead? If you are a mother you would fully appreciate why it was so bad because to give birth is an experience that would make most men, even those big buff ones at the gym, shit in their pants.

“So what are you going to do if the police come here?”

My mother asked me seeing that I was not backing down.

“Let them come!”

I said and I went to my sister. My mother was convinced it was me but it’s easy to make a person doubt themselves by sticking to your guns.

“What did you think of what happened to him?”

I asked my sister. She had not heard the whole story so I had to tell her the story as my mother had told it. I knew my mum was listening so me telling my sister further distanced me from being the guilty one. I did not want to be home though. I wanted to be with Tidimalo and Thulare. I did not like Nozipho though. Is it true though that if you are a single mother you are much better off dating a single father? It makes sense when you think about it, raising a child is easier said than done and changes you as a person immensely meaning someone else who has experienced it makes for a good partner. Truth be toldd however, your child is fine but having to accommodate his and the potential baby mama drama that will come after is not appealing at all.

“I am going to Pretoria to see that man again. I want to explain to him that I have listened to the recording over and over again and no, it’s not you!”

My mother said to me. She was not convincing at all but I guess she had to try protect me.

“Mum you don’t even know where they stay?”

I told her but she said she did. He had given them his address because of Amo. I was not getting involved.

“Must I come with you?”

I asked her but she said no because I would cause drama. She would be going with Amo though to give my sister a chance to do her envelopes in peace. I then askedd her for a ride to Centurion Mall so that I could rejoin my friends and she said it was fine. I called Thulare and told him that I was on my way back so they should not do take out. He had not even arrived yet, traffic.

When I got to Centurion Mall he picked me up but said that one of their other friends has picked up Tidimallo and Nozipho to go pick up Nelisa, her cousin and her friend. I was so annoyed but hid it well. Nozipho wanted to get rid of me and very soon she will be telling Tidimallo not to hang out with me. I know these type of girls who choose what friends their men should have. Sies!

We sat down on the table and they had put a hold on the food waiting on the others. I was starving and the place was pretty packed now.

“I think you are cool but I hope you understand that I have a baby and she comes first!”

I told him.

He laughed at me and told me that I should stop acting like I was the only to ever get a baby because he had one too. He said baby mamas like to play the victim card that’s why they are misunderstood. I was not sure what he meant but I took it negatively.

“I am not playing the victim. Men will never understand. You get to have kids and leave them there! We don’t!

I said rather annoyed because I felt as though he had cheapened what it is that as women go through when it’s us as single moms. With a guy, because he is a man, he is allowed by society to get away with it hence why it’s always the girl that has to take the child home to her parents.

“I am sorry love. We are fighting over something I did not create. I would like to change the topic though. I want to hear more about you.”

He said smoothly. He was so sweet though. Most guys on a first date prefer to talk about themselves as their aim is to impress. Trust me on this, most girls we have heard it all as men lie on these dates to make themselves look and sound better than they really are. I friend of mine once dated a guy who he said that he worked in mining. She assumed he was an engineer and he encouraged it until she saw him toyi toying on tv and realized he was actually an uneducated miner. Men know how to talk right if they know there is a possibility of getting into your pants.

“What would you like to know about me?”

I asked him. He had put me on the spot here and I was stuck now. Maybe him talking about himself would have been better I don’t know now.

“Ok let’s not be conventional. I don’t want to ask you police question like most guys do. Tell me something you that you would not tell a guy on the first date?”

He said with a smile on his face and wow what a question. As a girl there is a lot you wull not say in all honesty because you have to be a lady. I think that’s why they say poor people are the happiest because this game of pretence doesn’t have to work with them.

“One thing I would not say?”

I asked him sheepishly! Wow!

“Yes don’t think just talk?”

He said to me looking me in the eye which made me blush under my dark skin.

“Ok. I have not been laid in a long time meaning I am super horny often!”

He looked at me with a strange look on his face and for a moment there I thought he did not believe him then he burst out laughing.

“Must be tough neh but don’t worry one day is one day!”

He said in between. Ok I had just over exposed myself but I was horny so it’s true.

“Well I hope you will be my girlfriend soon because I don’t want no string attached sex with you. I want a girlfriend not a booty call and for this reason I am afraid you will have to wait a bit longer as we get to know each other!”

He said with a smile on his face but I can’t deny that I could actually tell how serious he was. Maybe it’s just how South African girls are today. If a guy does not want to have sex with you and you “together” it means he is getting it somewhere else. In our modernity and independence as women the first thing that us young girls have gone for is sexual liberalisation. We are so loose with our favours we have killed that myth of sex reserved for some one you love yet we blame men when we think all they are after is sex. It’s a very interesting situation.

“Moving on love, if we we were to have a wedding right now, and you were to pick a wedding song, what would it be?”

This guy and his questions. That was the last question I wanted. I was not really romantic that like. I feel like guys who are too sweet are capable of hurting you even more than these other bums because they build up great expectations and you will never see it coming when he destroys you. With bums at least you know he is going to be a dick so you brace yourself for it. I am just being honest.

“God Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatt!”

I said and he looked at me confused then laughed!

“Eh did you just make that up because I don’t even know who that is!”

He said,

“Good and no more questions. Everything else you will learn as time goes on!”

He said. As I said that I looked up and I saw Tidimalo and Nozipho walk in. They were with two other girls and guess what, I knew one of them! Wow small world.

“Oh I didn’t know you would be here!”

The girl I knew said as they got to us.

“Thandeka Mkhize! Really is a small world indeed. Haven’t seen you since the braai!”

I said to her.

“This is my flatmate, Nelisa, Nelisa meet Faith!”

She said taking over the conversation. I got to look at Nozipho cousin for the first and Dear Lord, the way this girl was stunning! I don’t know many girls even on TV who can compete with her and again I say wow!

“Thulare this is my cousin the one I said I want to hook you up to!”

Nozipho said smugly and not even embarrassed over the fact she knew he was being hooked up to me.

“Pleasure to meet you Nelisa! Your cousin thinks she is cupid!”

He said with a smile. Awkward moment in deed.

I was backing off because I had lost this fight before it even started!

******The End******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Readers

This was one of the comments we received from a concerned reader last week. I found it so profound I shared it with people on my panel at the South African Book Fair about the representation of women in literature. I also had a good debate about with Khaya Dlanga and today I put it forward to you as it woman’s month to express yourself over the topic. Thank you kindly:

“It seems the narrative that is being echoed across this blog is that black women CAN’T keep it together. Black women are potrayed as these angry, bitchy, can’t stay committed, need a man, bitter & vile people. We have enough of that portrayal from white owned media. Young black girls will grow up thinking this is the way we are, young black boys will grow up associating black women with drama & would rather be with the more calmer white women. We all have our battles but I know a lot of black women who have been strong throughout & are not as dramatic as the women portrayed in your blogs. The women in your stories if they do not love desperately ( Lesedi), then they are very naïve (Thandeka), if they are not bossy & domineering (Lethabo) then they are pathetic & have this low self-esteem about themselves & always think the world is against them because of their position in life (Faith). Mike its time for a positive narrative about South African black women”

This was a letter from one of our loyal readers and thank you Thandeka for bringing this up. I will comment on it as well. Friends how do you perceive the woman in our blogs?

Thank You


94 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter Eighty Seven

  1. Thanks Team. So everything and everyone is coming together into this one big pot mix – isjingi. I’m this close to getting seriously confused.
    A to Q: ????

  2. i find that a lot of women who read this blog can relate to one character in one way or the other, or else we wouldn’t be reading. i like that all the characters are REAL and live REAL lives that we all can RELATE to. everyone has good and not so good characteristics about them and i feel that Mike captures those flawlessly. Thandeka is strong, is studying at Wits and does not have a child, unlike all the teenage pregnancies that this country is faced with. yes she is naive but a lot of teenagers are. Lesedi is also a strong independent women, she didn’t know her husband was a thug until she was head over heels in love with him, again a reality of all a lot of women who despite their husbands being assholes still choose to stay with them, yet another south african reality. lethabo is also an independent women who has worked her way to the top, yes she wants to make her marriage work against all odds, another reality that faces married women in south africa. faith is a sweet university graduate who is forced into adulthood before she is ready for it by being a baby mama, this encapsulates the challenges that faces baby mamas on a daily basis, a strong women that is willing to do ANYTHING for their child. dear Mike, we all have different opinions and perspectives and in turn this is how we see the narrative. for some these roles are demeaning to south african women, while for the resit of us its a SIGH knowing we are not alone in these hormonal imbalances. i am a strong independent women practicing as a social worker and YES i bought the book for the teenagers i work with to read and understand the world with a different perspective and know that much as you can have good qualities as a black women, you can also have weaknesses like a short temper (faith) lol

    1. Motso…..i think you have ecoed my sentiments exactly…. I am friends with every type of woman you can think of and all of them have issues, if they are successful and independent, they cant get a man….if they do have a man they are controlling and dommineering…some cant have kids, some have anger issues, temper issue, confidence issues you name it…

      People are just struggling to accept things… and deal with thier issues as they are….we are always politicizing things black or white……white woman also have thier issues that black women dont have..even if you watch whatever movie or read a book with a white woman, they all start somewhere to reach the people that they are today.

      And in reality we all started somewhere, we have all made mistakes, we have all suffered from whatever issue.

      So am thinking what must you a writer to, writer about this perfect balck woman who has not gone through anything or had any life experiences, was born in a pefect family, raised perfectly, went to school, passed perfectly, got married and live happily ever after hayibo ningazo dlala ngathi no one will relate to dat.

    2. Where is the “Like” button when you need one?

      I dont believe that readers will enjoy stories with characters that have straight-forward lives and without any drama.

  3. This bringing everyone together is starting to be over done and boring now. Can they all just stay in their blogs before you over-complicate things.

    A to Q.I don’t understand what she’s complaining about, no one reads this blogs and thinks it’s the bible and that’s how woman are or that’s how they all behave.

  4. I agree with the readers comment.The black women in the blogs are never portrayed in a positive light. In Rumblings alone Faith is not self assured, Her sister is portrayed as being dim witted, her mother is seen as an autocratic parent who has caused her children to be how they are and Auriela is a spoilt rich kid sleeping with father and son while janus facing the Sugar daddies wife. That is just in this one blog alone. I do not doubt your talent and creativity but it seems to be thriving off of the negative depiction of black women. Where you use the most extreme tropes of black women which fall into what we as black women are confronted with on a daily basis in the dominant narrative.

    1. I wish you could read the end of Zulu Girl Goes to Jhb. Go on all TV and name one character of a woman that is not depicted as having issues? Hve you ever wondered why there actually no female super heroes? remember as writer you look at the situation at hand. A supportive woman is seen as one that does not fight her husband, goes to work and comes home on time everyday regardless of whether or not he is always out with his friends. That is what hey call a good woman. Women who work good jobs are seen as overbearing and too much if that makes sense and men tend to avoid them. I want to build out all the negatives that women are portrayed to have and to be honest none of this comes out of a vacuum. Faith for example said it clearly that single mothers are not made to be angry at baby daddys and cause drama but circumstances often make them demand whats fair. Its very hard to be self assured if everything you believed in was taken away and trust shattered like that. You should see the official statistics of the number of single mothers n South Africa to understand why so man women relate to faith. Please dont forget, everything I am writting i got from readers as at the beginning i sent out a request to women to share their experiences and this is what i write. Thank You

      1. Wow Mike….No female superhero’s?!? Wonderwoman, Storm, Black Widow, Jean Grey, Batgirl, Black Canary, Supergirl. To name a few. There might not be as may as the male superhero’s, but maybe that’s because all superhero characters are created by men? Just like this blog…created by a man. So can never be totally accurate in terms of how a woman would think or feel. That said, it is still quite entertaining 🙂

          1. Movies: Supergirl in 1984. I grew up watching that one. Wonderwoman coming in 2017. X-men, Jean Grey portrayed as the most powerful Mutant in The Last Stand. The entire movie centred around her. The Powerpuff girls had their own movie. Series: Agent Carter currently on air. Powerpuff girls was on for years, as well as Kim Possible . Not sure what the kids are watching these days. That was while I was still growing up. Wonder woman had her own series in the 70’s!! There is currently a Supergirl series in production. And even if they don’t headline their own shows they are always incredibly strong woman, who often end up saving their male counterparts.There has always been positive female role models in the media. We just tend to focus on the negative ones.

          2. Good question Mike. I do not deny that there are positive ones out there but even those positive ones have a story to tell. Let us be realistic and appreciate Mike’s work for it is very creative and real. I have a group of women that i interact with on a regular basis and they are all wonderful women, role models in their communities, they are the kind of women that inspire others. Although they are wonderful they all have stories to tell one way or another. I don’t think there is any one who has led a perfect life, never made a mistake or been hurt one way or the other, that would be serious fiction. Any one who is realistic would relate to your stories Mike one way or another. The times that we are living in are full of negativity, it is not to say that other races do not face similar challenges, but the reason why the blogs and the books bases on the black women is because we are black and these are our stories. If we watch other race’s stories like the telenovelas and stories like passions and read their novels and blogs, we will realize that they also experience a lot of negativity as well. The stories that Mike tell, are our stories as black people and have nothing to do with the race or the portrait of a black woman. The so called incredibly strong women are strong as result of the challenges and difficulties that they have passed through. Behind their strong characters there is drama one way or the other.

  5. Thanks Mike. I have also realised that the narrative of most African stories n books portray black women in a negetiv way at tyms. I am a baby mama n after causing havoc because I felt the nid to teach him a lesson I started looking life in a different way. I matured. I neva even went through with the maintenance court n started doing things my way.I stoped studying n found a learnership In the field I was studying for n eventually got a permanent position. I’m studying analytical n living with my 6years old son n his fada supports wen he feels like it n I don’t care.all I’m trying to point out is there are women out there who has all together even after the hell they went through.

  6. “Hve you ever wondered why there actually no female super heroes?” I’m sorry that statement just makes you sound like a chauvinistic male. There are a lot of female super heroes, Catwoman for one played by a black strong woman. It sounds like you are trying to say females are weak and pathetic. Ever heard of Wonderwoman, another female super hero. I think you are very narrow minded in your views of woman. At first I was on your side but now after your response I see why woman think that you are against them.

    1. Maybe my context was wrong as I was building up from what I had said. Society depicts men as these tough no nonsense beings and women as these weak vulnerable beings that cant fend for themselves. The readers here are guilty of that too. Most of you did not like Mxolisi’s (memoirs) character who was a reverse depiction of Nothabo (realites). I put his wife Asthandile to do what most men do (cheat) and him to be the victim. I thought it would show that what men do is bad but it was not received well. All of you said he was weak and useless and now my question is this…. are you weak as a woman if you are cheated on? is the problem not with the cheat as opposed to you who was caught unawares. Most readers said as a man he must teach her a lesson etc and when he failed to do that you called him a weak irritating man? is this what we want to teach. I read up on why they are no super heroes amongst women and it actually said ts because “females are the biggest audience of movies and they dont relate to a strong woman” and this is a true quote. I was not trying to praise men but t condemn society as a whole because both men and women are ironically playing the same role of putting women down. This is Womans Month and I appreciate you criticizing me because you have created a debate for all of us so thank you so much.

      1. to be honest i do not see mike portraying anyone bad here don’t we have single young mothers who go through shit like Faith? don’t we have wives who have to stick with their husbands even though their thugs? don’t we have little girls who go to Varsity and date foreign guys? don’t we have Rich girls who are not satisfied with their lavish life at home and go find comfort with older men? and do we not have successful women whom at home act like bosses?

        all of this is reflected on a Black woman because we are the ones whose lives are being put out there our struggles and everything. White people are portrayed as if abazinkinga but now that’s not Mikes problem coz he ddnt start the stigma.

        continue with your book Mike u will inspire our young black girls not to fall into the trap we have fallen into.

        1. Thank you Ntosh, I am with you! I mean really, Mike is portraying what he sees in society and it is nothing but the truth. As women we can relate thus we are the leading fans in this blog! In fact I don’t see anything weak about the females you write about, I see successful women who are working, independent, graduates but happen to be unlucky in love, are we not all like that?

          Buti Mike, continue to write your blog as is because if you change anything you might loose the plot!

  7. Mike, did u really start your post by stating that there are no female superheroes? That is really a misinformed opinion, what about Invisible girl, Elektra, Storm? I agree with Thandeka, your blog paints women in the most darkest of colours. I never noticed this before until my man asked me whether it’s wise to read your blogs, I was astounded as to why he would ask me that as I enjoy them. As to which he responded that I am better than that, and that I’m feeing my spirit negativity.
    Yes u asked your readers for stories but I also recall u asking them for SPECIFIC stories such as whether they’ve had affairs etc.
    Thandeka has highlighted an important point before it’s too late, as I was already trying to stop reading ur blogs as a result.

    1. Your boyfriend could have been right hey but I believe in showing girls where guys get away with it. They use your weaknesses to do wrong and I highlight these weaknesses. Now please do me a favor, Go pick any book written by a woman thats a fiction novel. Normally its romance if I am correct and what are they telling us? Now lets go to TV (American) and see how all their “strong women” are often police with relationship problems. I have another example The Good Wife and Scandal (US) (the Kerry Washington show). Here are two incredibly strong women yet one is seen as allowing for a cheating husband and she cant seem to move on even if she has another man. The other is having an open affair with a married man and is an emotional wreak! I am not justifying please I am saying that we cant hope to fix all the wrong things without stating what they are. their processes and hopefully their solutions… keep debating please and invite your friends to join in.

      1. I agree with you Mike. I have read all your blogs. Just because something has not happened to you or because one does not view it in such a way, the reality is most if not all of the issues that you have high lighted in your blog are very real. Just like in every other debate there must be an opposition. Every one no matter how perfect they may seem, have weaknesses and flows, out of those challenges strong women are born. I agree that we should embrace these blogs because there is a lot to learn from them. There are certain things that one might have been going through without knowing how to overcome. So as a woman myself, i get to see a lot of similarities, therefore i relate a lot with your blogs and i regard myself as one of those strong women. In my journey of life i have also realized that women do not like facts not the truth. They say they do but in reality they don’t. Easier said than done. Women often don’t want the truth to come out and want to be portrayed as these perfect beings. I do not deny that women are strong yet fragile and very sensitive. They can easily be broken which is why you find a lot of them in churches and at the same time find a lot of them in cults and witchcraft. Why am i stating this, it is because by this debate women are showing their true colors of not being able to handle the truth. They always want to be pampered with lies and deceit. Until all the wrongs are stated and acknowledged, there wont be solutions indeed. Instead of being defensive, i think we should be open minded, after all this is a blog.

  8. QnA the blog is a two way version if not more of our daily life, I see nothing wrong with the women on the blogs, the lady writer is more focused on the negativity of the ladies on the blog than both characters of the women. Take She Rocks as e.g. She is more in depended than her pals but not everything is perfect in her life, she is missing a perfect man(whether she found him or not will learn once the story goes on). Basically
    What I’m trying to point out is we as human beings we are not perfect, we all have drams in our lives, on how we tackle it depends on our individual decision, some will go Faith’ s route and fight fire with fire, (that’s being brave) some will throw in the towel or even play dead because they don’t have that courage to fight. (So not fighting does that makes you a good person)

    When women fight do they fight because they want to cause havoc or they are fighting for what belongs to them and protecting their loved once. The ladies on this blog are strong, forced to make decision on the spot(whether it’s right or wrong it will only matter once it’s done), don’t we also take some decision not knowing wether they are right or wrong?

    Let’s embrace this blog ladies, they are fighting to protect their loved once, we would probably do some of the stuff they are doing ’cause it’s tuff outside.

    Cheers to them strong ladies.

  9. Who wants to read a story of a perfect character?Mike dont be affected as people have their panties in a bunch because its August. These blogs have done so much for young men and women more than any thesis or “pilot project” from an American NGO. Young and old identify with your characters and tgis critic conveniently forgot how the men in this blog are black men and also stereotyped as cheats and convenient is her argument.i am a social worker and when i talk to teenagers is to speak and listen from their level. If you potray an unrealistic strong character you alienate

  10. Amen Mike and Motso, if you dont like the blog then dont read, you read because you are intrigued at the situations all these women find themselves in and wonder how they will resolve it. We all want to know if Faith will ever find happiness and Nothabo will she ever stop being bossy. Lesedi yena just keeps us on our toes coz yena and Mthobisi are our SA version of Bonnie and Clyde…lol
    Mike Keep up the good work, and do not be discouraged by some of the readers comments, as you are doing a great job with these blogs and the book.

  11. Morning Team

    Interesting topic at hand. My 2 cents worth:

    I think the majority of it has to do with one’s own perspective of the characters. Some might view them in a negative manner like being weak and having no backbone, while for me they are actually strong persons because of the way they handle their situations. Let’s be honest here, most black women deal with a lot of challenges, some worse than what the books portray, and you will never even tell until they relay their story. That for me is a sign of strength of a black women, that they can endure whatever crap thrown their way and still come out tops. When you relay a story, it is often seldom that your story will be captivating without any dramatic events in them, and while other people view the drama as the characteristics of the women, I see it as a test to the character.
    If you look at your stories, Nothabo is a strong woman, yet people call her all sorts of names because of the drama around her. The woman is a doctor so she is intelligent, she is married to the father of her child which does not happen with most black women, she was faithful until recently pushed, the drama around her was not created by her, she didn’t ask hubby to put her in such tight spots yet she manages to handle everything.
    Faith is also a strong young woman, she made the mistake of falling pregnant while in varsity and yet she still graduated, she is doing everything in her power to put her son’s needs 1st, which is a characteristic that most of our mothers had to adopt after being ditched and left to fend for us on our own. She didn’t choose to be a single parent, the baby daddy made that choice for her, but because she is strong she is handling it.
    Nelisa is the drama creator here, she causes things that happen to her. To be honest in life we get those sorts of people as well, we can’t ignore that they exist. if we look at Lesedi, she’s one tough cookie who can keep up with the shenanigans of her hubby, she thinks well on her feet, her decisions are questionable most times but she does what she has to do in a situation, is that not a sign of strength? So yes I do understand how some may view these women as weak and desperate and whatnot, but it all boils down to personal perceptions. Some people assess a situation, while I look at the character that comes through from that situation. Having drama around these women does not make them weak, on the contrary actually. Many people who interact with me think I am the strongest woman ever because of how I come across, but I’ve recently sent a letter where I gave a brief overview of what I’ve been through in life. Those situations have not defined my character, the strength that people see in me is because of how I handle everything.

    1. Thats true Tsaluuuuuurr…I totally agree with you…and this is my view of the books as well.

      How people thrive through diffic cult times and how they manuvier through sticky situations. Even the strongest women or mena have their crumbling moments. No one is perfect in this world and I doubt if Mike wrote a fairy book of how women have it together would have as much readers as he does now…we read these books because we relate to the stories potrayed in them, we see a little of ourselves in them….

      Interesting topic indeed hey 🙂

  12. Thank you Mike…

    To a certain extent I do agree with the lady and he comment, but in all honesty, we all relate to the different characters potrayed in these bogs… Thandeka – a young naive lady who goes to the big city , to fullfill her dreams…she is encounterd by the big city life drama..that doesnt make her weak but rather a a big eye opener for her that life in JHB is not as glamorous as one sees it on TV….Faith is a strong women who, when her partner up and left her, did not give up on her studies and became a sit-at-home-baby-mama who is milking maintaince money and waiting for iGrant…no, but she is getting back her own as this is not her responsibility alone.

    I love how all these stories depict REAL life stories and we can ALL relate to in some way or the other.
    All these boks are teaching me a thing or two of how life is in the world of a babay mama…a married, yet “independant” wife…and how that – in as much as it doesnt justify the act – drives a man to cheat…

    I take a bit of Nothabo, Lesedi and Faith and I apply those to my relationship….Its an eye opener how we woman are willing to “accept” in our relationships – Lesedi – how we are quick to blame someone else when things crumble and never want to take ownership fro our part that we played – Nothabo…and how vengeance and anger can change us and make us people that we do not recognize – Faith.

    Yes Mike , there is no woman super hero because us women we are emotional creatures…we think with emotion…everything we do , we do out of either hate or love…

    So yes as much as most of these books paint us women as if we do not have it together…thats because we DO NOT have it together….Who has a perfect life?? Who can HONESTLY say that my life is perfect??

    My relationship with my boyfriend is fine, we dont have drama, we hardly ever fight he is very very supprtive…but it is far from PERFECT.


  13. Hi Mike, thanks for the wonderful reads….
    Missteps for me does portray strong black women.SheRocks, is a testament to that,she is a respectable,successful woman who has gone through a lot but is still struggling to find love(I can relate). then you have Andiswa who is also on the same boat…There are housewives like Cleo who put their families first and sacrifice their careers and take her of their homes, husbands and kids…then you have Naledi who had an abusive husband but is otherwise doing well for herself.
    Faith is a younger has confidence issues yes,but she is still finding herself in the mist of her current circumstance’s coz this is not the life that she planned for herself but is dealing with the situation as is…Lesedi is strong independent, witty and has made mistakes along the way and does what every women is taught to do which is to stand by ur spouse regardless of what hes doing is wrong or right”.
    I’m amazed that people don’t see these characters as STRONG BLACK WOWEN…who even decides what criteria goes into making a women black or otherwise strong? this is just bull that women have to forever be justifying themselves or their actions. when the same does not apply to men, I cry,curse,pray,love,protect,defend,provide (will yell,scream,kick,punch and will fight or flee if the situation permits but that does not make me anyless/more strong than the women next to me.

  14. I don’t understand when will South Africans stop throwing the racial card everywhere honestly. Do the things Mike write about not happen? Does he only write negetives? He is writing realities, life is not all glam and fary tales even the strongest of woman have ordinary issues that are negative that Mike writes about. Would it change anything if the characters he used were white? How would it if they were white? Shall we move on from this racial thing that we have over our heads. White people go through the same thing we go throgh really they just don’t talk about them and we do and it helps talking. Yes we were previously disadvantaged but it’s been 21 years since then so it’s about time we get over it. So some of you want to read about successful woman who don’t have problems/issues? Well keep reading but know that that aint reality then.

    Good work wena Mike, I hardly ever leave a comment but that don’t mean I don’t recognise the good work you do and keep in mind that you will not please everyone on the blog yet they will keep reading so keep writing.

  15. You alienate your audience. Instead of this critic practising appreciative enquiry who lambasts you over your good work.i dont like people who tell black people how to behave or be good without offering solutions themselves.We have too many black bloggers who jyst want to write to show their intelligence and sophistication without necessarily contributing to Pan-Africanism or Afro-feminism.

  16. Thank you Mike
    I have invited my Man to read as well,reason being he should see and understand without going through some of the things that life is all that,what I read daily here is realities of life,around me,in laws ,neighbours,home,work,etc there is one of these women at work or around me,some I see myself in them,I don’t have baby daddy drama but I know I am capable of becoming more like Faith if faced with such situation ……
    I also believe that these women shows our societies that as much as you powerful and have positives in life,at some point your negatives will come out,and we all needa man who will stay when our negatives comes out….we can all relate we have family issues(nothabo)we have marriage issues they might not be similar,I have a friend who saw the baby daddy for what he is after reading Faith’s story ,she managed to snap out of things will be okay oneday and understood that him paying is for the good of the child not hers…..he is going to pay maintanance after 14 years thanks to this stories so write according to what is happening around us…..

  17. Thandeka has a point about women in your stories. You can write a different book showing a different side about women.Maybe tell us how a man can be lucky to find a loving black woman. You can also remind our sisters about all the goodness they possess and encourage them to stop conforming to wrong standards the media is selling. Black will always be beautiful in my eyes.

  18. This is indeed an eye opener for me too, I have looked at it in this light but it is true Mike I like your blogs but no woman wants to be portrayed as a stereotype. If I was a single baby mama I would rather read a blog about a woman who lifted herself up and overcame her ‘situation’. If I was a Nelisa from a small town breaking free from parents I would like to read about Nelisa getting her shit together and using the 2nd chance positively to be an independent successful woman, not using her beauty to sleep around even with her boyfriend’s son to get instant gratification. The lesson’s we need to teach / learn is this instant gratification shit ain’t working, we should stand up for ourselves, overcome what life has dealt us and stop making relationships a crutch in our lives being single is not a disease people.

    I like your blogs Mike & I’m addicted to them but be open minded about this and look at it from a woman’s point of view. Wow thanks to the letter writer she has opened a good debate.

  19. The fact that such stories are written proves that this is what “black women” go through and us as the people at mass get to witness it and try to figure out a way to stay out of it helps us in the long run as “black women” I feel that if it hurts to read about made up characters then it will hurt twice as much to go through all you’ve been reading about

  20. Mike! U are telling good stories here & they are very interesting. U can never create suspense by writing positive things.
    In all your stories u have different charecters and I bet most people who read your blog can relate or know someone with similar charecteristics. We know that there are good black women who got it togather but that has never made for a good story. How many people actually get glued to one of those motivational books?
    In some of your books you actually bring in some stories we read/hear about in the news. This shows that some of these events are not thumb sucked fictional stories but events that happen around us, everyday events.
    We also notice from the letters that u publish that women in SA & the rest of Africa share some of the problems that your charecters are having like having sex with the boss to keep a job.
    I think we should also distance ourselves from thinking that “white” people don’t have the same problems. White young women also have sugar daddies, white men cheat, there are white baby mamas & white people that dont have all their sh*t togather.
    The charecters are picked from the population & it doesn’t mean that all black women are like the charecters here.
    Keep us entertained Mike & we will keep coming back for more. Clearly you are a good writer if she read all your blogs & it looks like she continues to read them.That lady is looking for attention! She must support & buy the books.

  21. Good morning family

    No offence but Thandeka please honey! get over yourself. with this blog people in both male and female have been able to construct their own life’s, with the very same blog that I feel you mocking people have find closure to some of their deep dark secrets that have become second nature to them people have let go and live a new fresh life.

    Believe it or not if not you Thandeka,but with this characters being potrayed here someone, somewhere relate to either of these characters.lets not be shallow and think because we live what we believe is ‘ normal life’ automatically everyone does. When other people say life is not fair you find that they mean it. Not because they are jealous or anything but coming from the fact that no matter their hard work, life always manages to throw them under the bus.

    and after all , we wont learn anything if mike choose to write about this standard life we assume people are living

  22. I would also like to include that most men dont like my blogs because they say I depict the as cheats womanizers drunks and abusive. Nigerians said I depict them as fraudulent and so on yet the irony is most women here will readily tell you how so true it is of most of their exes. I have comments from Nigerian readers who ended up debating on a post saying that “our brothers are not representing us well as Nigerians”. To fix a wrong should we not try address it first?

  23. I am going to say this at the risk of many women saying that I’m going against everything that as women we have been fighting for. I see a bit of every one of Mikes characters in me. I see how I have a bit of Thandeka in me, the move from one province to another and having to adjust to a whole new society and how that can be viewed as naivety.

    I can see a bit of Faith in myself in that I am very spontaneous and short tempered and I sometimes act without thinking and the repercussions of my actions sometimes are negative.

    I see some of Lee in me because I love completely and selflessly and I give everything and sometimes before you even realise it, you start compromising yourself and your true self and what you believe in because of the man you live. It is not a weakness but something that is just the way it is and what you do with this overflow of love is up to you.

    In the good doctor, I relate because I am a law student, so as a young, black woman who is highly intelligent, I have to be seen as a fighter and strong because men don’t respect us in the work force. I was given filing to do at vac work because I was clearly not smart enough in their opinion to be given anything more mentally challenging.

    I say all this to say that these characters are relatable, in one way or another they all have a bit of all of us in them and if we look beyond the superficial of what society will think or say, the truth is that we all have a diary to write and these women help us see what we try so hard to ignore or hide. So Mike, God job telling us the truth about ourselves

  24. This is simple . Mike and his team are sharing real stuff that happen to us as woman. This book to me is all about facts nothing more nothing less. We are all grown ups and you know where you having difficulties in life so it is up to you what you take in or take out Kuphela, if you want something which is not here then move on try another blog

  25. Mike….I am a Xhosa girl…having lived in Jhb where Xhosa women are infamous for gold digging-men stealing and ignorant, im not even sure where this all sterms from..but hey..I had to ” accept” being labelled as such simply because I am Xhosa.
    Having that said…we ( and when I say we, I mean women) DO NOT think that ALL nigerians are like how they are potrayed in the book as much as the ones I have come across are…but every person is unique….BUUUUUT we CANNOT hide the fact that THAT is the painted picture in our minds by the very same “brothers” of Niger who were the ones who commited such acts, the same way they percive SA women and cheap, shallow and can be bought…

    Xhosa men are said to be cheaters and stingy and abusive…to which when you read the news you will find majority of the abusive men are xhosa…THAT however does not mean ALL xhosa men are like that….

    My point is ….its not JUST the niger brothers that have a “labell” on their backs…DEAL

  26. I believe if we really didn’t like your blog we would have left a long time ago.These women you write about don’t profess to be strong powerful women,they are just real and that’s what matters if a person says they are being strong by not bothering the baby father and raising the kid alone they are lying to themselves it’s like the judge saying that they just pardon a person who killed 50 people it doesn’t work,men in South Africa need to start taking accountability in my eyes taking a person to a maintainance court would be doing that.I believe in the nonsense of strong powerful women who have it together there is no such,we all have our days where things are better then there are days where we are emotional wrecks,there lies our strength in being tune with our emotions,God never created us to be these independent I can do everything women that’s why when we take that route we become hardened because that’s not who we are,I like Faith she is telling the everyday struggle of being a baby mama and asserting yourself in asserting difficult world,I don’t like Nothabo because she lost the essence of what it means to be a woman while thinking being educated is everything while it’s not if your primary role of being a wife and mother suffers,Lesedi is plain dodgy but interesting,Thandeka and Nelisa have made bad decision after the next but in South Africa all of this happens,so keep up the good work

  27. Thank u Mike. I don’t think Thandeka should be chastised for airing her views. It’s how she sees the blog and that is totally fine. I’m an avid reader of all the blogs and I have found much inspiration from them, I have grown and learnt so much. I don’t think the way women are potrayed is wrong at all, it’s factual. You as an individual chooses how you is either half full or half empty.

    Can people learn to debate without taking cheap shots at others. Use your intellect not insults. It makes your argument seem weak.

    Asifanani. Asiboni ngeso linye and thats ok…makes the world more interesting!

  28. I think your stories are great. Real people who go through real issues .maybe then Mike should write a Cinderella story n see who relates to it.
    But also, for a young girl to be reading this is trauma. A happy ending will do. To give hope

  29. Being a black working single mother of a 2 year old who has been diagnosed with a syndrome is very hard. Her dad cheated on me n less than a year after our separation he married someone else. He doesn’t support his daughter nor does he have a relationship with her but he can support and have a relationship with another man’s baby. However, after all that, I put a smile on my face n moved on with my life. I refused n I didn’t become a bitter woman, I still believe inlove n believe everything that happened, happened for a reason. I am a strong black woman who wants no drama in her life. my friends say am not bitter because am financial stable, maybe they wrong, maybe they right. I don’t know.

    1. Ms T, if the only reason you are not bitter is because you are financially stable, then I say well done to you. Being financially stable is not easy, and doesn’t happen by accident. Don’t let anyone make your accomplishments feel small. Taking care of another human life is a major responsibility, and how much more difficult as a single Mom to a child with a syndrome and no support, financially or emotionally from the Father. And to do it all with a smile on your face? You are the real Superhero. One that every person can look up to. You child has a rare and precious gift, a Positive role model to look up too. Be proud of all that you are 🙂

  30. One does not need to insult and belittle another person to make their point Stronger. We are all different people and see things in different way. We do not have to agree in everything, we not sheep. I have always said Thandeka (DOAZG) is Naïve and Gullible. I’m 19 years of age and have came across a lot of Nigerian men. My recent encounter was not roses, but I managed to up and leave. Love is not everything, my life cames first. I think for Thandeka to Stay with Python is just plain stupidity.

  31. I realy don’t have a problem with the charactors on this blog,because it the reality of people out there.Life is nt perfect and we all face chalenges on a daily basis,we may nt reat to them the same bt we try to do what we think is best.Some women leave cheating partners bt some stay,that does nt necessarly make them weak as they have their reasons.So what i’m saying is that we different as people.I just think people are afraid of looking in the mirror,remembes when sabc decided to bring yizo yizo bach on screen it caused alot of controvercy.Yet yizo yizo tells strories of many people out there,just because it includes things people would rather pretend don’t exist than try and solve.No life is perfect even da strong independent women we see have problems and even makes stupid choices sometimes coz they humans too.Mike keep writting ur strories as i have learned to fight for myself through them and started to see things in a different light.

  32. Faith,dnt stress ke motho le bo spiker PA,ha a no go tseela thulare ne lol.
    Ai ya I wznt even aware of fat the way ke ratang go bala ka teng.nw dat Thandeka brought it up ka bona.mare ha go phoso,cos ke da way ur book e leng ka teng,if u change ur charecter’s behaviour ha e no senya ur story line?

  33. Honestly, these are not struggles of a black woman, but of every woman out there who is in a situationship. We grow up watching/reading Marvel super heroes comic books from a young age and the love tales of cinderella and other Disney princesses.
    Only to grow in a chauvinistic world that forgets, Superman fell in with Wonderwoman, and that the president (Fitz) fell in love with Olivia Pope. And his wife, did not mind, even though she was deserving of the love (she made peace with it remember, and would even take on Fitz presidency considering her qualifications) . To blame a woman’s assumed weakness than the man’s.
    Okay the point is in the word CHOICE. Most of the time when we look into the complexity of relationships we forget the word choice. We choose everyday who to give our love to. And pride ourselves in ‘I guess, love is blind’ statements when we as bystanders comment on those choices other people make.
    The women Mike writes about have clearly choose every minute and time to do as they please or actually as situation suggests. To say they are weak, in those decisions, honestly I beg to differ. For reason that each time they do all that, (bad or good decision according to us) they are strong. We use moral compasses whenever is suits us. And that’s where it is wrong, because we celebrate our strengths and weaknesses differently.

    Does Mike suggest in his blogs that women are weak? Yes. Actually does Mike lead us into thinking that? Yes, he does. Does the media as a whole condition our thinking to that? Yes, it does.

    Choice again, and that Mike’s narrative is from a black point of view, we are enraged. ‘Black woman are not ‘bad bitches” and the likes. These stories are from situationships that some of us are in. We have found every bit of ourselves in the characters mentioned. Honestly, we leave it as ‘people and their choices’ we cannot however want to deem things as suitable just because it does not sit well with us.

    Eitherway, in celebrating Women’s month, do not forget, we are celebrating strength, however way you define it. That’s all that matters.

  34. Nice read thank you Mike. I am a little bit confused, let’s say Mike were to write about a powerful woman, who wakes up go to work and do extremely well everyday. What then are learning from that?? I think Mike’s blogs are more about warning us women, teaching us on how to deal with everybody’s lives. Mike is showing us these women’s mistakes to learn from so we can be the successful black women that we all strive to be. Through the negative stories, we learn to be the powerful, strong women that we want to read about. Besides we have the likes of Lesedi & Nothabo who are successful women with real life problems. I don’t think reading about happily ever after fairy stories will benefit anyone. That is just my view.

  35. DEAR MIKE, I actually see nothing wrong with your blog, you are simply taking us through the experiences of other women, be it teenagers or married women. Your work is not meant to show us in a bad light and I can bet that everyone reading the blog knows someone who got pregnant at varsity and dump or who discovered that her husband has another family or is into sugar daddies etc. These things happen and we can all attest to that, I think the most important thing is how these women changed their circumstances and as Mike said, “none of this comes from a vacuum”, we are following these women on their journey to self discovery through their respective situations. This is a spot on portrayal of what women go through, this is our society as we know it and the positive will come towards their journeys’ end. I’m sure if Mike was white, he’d be writing from the perspective of white women. This is meant to teach and open our eyes to what is happening around us and possibly happening in our own homes. If we know better, we can spot the signs and prevent this crazy cycle and stereotypes we ourselves create and enforce against each other.


  36. I think Thandeka should just read bo snow white le bo cindarella cause clearly she’s looking for a fairytale, who has a perfect life? not everyone wants to read about things that don’t exist because they don’t actually do anything for us. There are different categories of writing and clearly Mike’s books fall under drama, his particular drama is not fiction and it is the way he chooses to write His books. You do not need to bash Mike’s writing or force him to change how he writes, all you need to do is look for something you enjoy reading and wont find negatives in(if you do find it) because there are a number of people, including myself, who are extremely satisfied and impressed with mike’s plot and his style of writing. In every story, even in your life events there will be different perspectives, Its up to you which one you want to focus on, why don’t you see mike’s books as a potential lesson to African women of how they’ve been behaving, as an eye opener to how we’ve been acting weak and an encouragement to work on those weaknesses. As an eye opener to men of what they put us through and are putting us through and what kind of thinking lies behind what they dislike in our behavior and consider irrational, as an eye opener to the divine strength God has placed in the creation that is a woman. You are a negative woman Thandeka, maybe that’s why you focus on the negative aspects of these characters. non the less, in real life we all do have weaknesses, so do you, so what??

  37. Q&A I’m 23 years old and I see a bit of myself in every character on the blog as much as I do not like Nothabo I’m also the no nonsense type of a woman I sometimes do things before I think in my relationship, Lesedi love and passion for her friends is just what I am I would do anything and everything for my friends cause they are like family to me. Thandeka is the/was a naive me when I first started varsity it was a whole new world and I was so over whelmed but I did not fall into what she fell in. As for Faith well faith is the baby mama in me I’m pregnant and thank God my baby daddy is still with me, she has been dealt a very heavy card being betrayed by friends in the worst possible way and is trying to make good of a very bad situation I know girls who have been through worse and she is handling it like a boss. Every woman whether from the township or suburbs can relate to 1 or 2 of the characters and see themselves in that and its great, I have always found that sopies give misinterpretation of woman and how they are in reality but this blogs bring a different perspective and a baby mama, a married woman and a varsity girl. And personally reading this blog has made me kinda revisit my personality and not change it but try and make it better for my partner to deal with me. So I have no problems with the woman on this blog I love them all even psycho Nelisa

  38. Don’t worry Faith,the cousin (Nelisa ) only dates sugar daddies ,Thulare is safe for now.

    I really don’t get why people have to analyse everything as negative. I love reading your blog and a day doesn’t pass by without it.

    The blog changed many people’s lives positively as they learned from the characters mistakes. As a man Mike is trying to show us (women) the reality of life and how to deal with certain situations.

    I’m sorry to quote “Diary of a confused woman” she also portray men as evil,weak,liars and cheaters because she’s a woman knows better and can expose what men do.

    We all learn a thing or two and get an idea on dealing with life situations. If you feel the blog is not for you feel free not to read. Your data ,your time and your choice.

    I love the blog and will continue to support it. For once learn to read the content without racial groups and as a life’s lesson.

  39. To be honest,I like your stories. I dont see a problem with the characters. I relate to most of the things you are writing.To be honest it has helped me a lot in how I used to view things.
    I see my self in Lesedi and Nothabo. This has caused me to check my character and attitude. I had to make an attitude adjustment and very quickly. Since I found your blog I cannot stop reading your stories. This is what we deal with as woman and to be honest is an eye opener.I was on my high Horse now I have learned to listedn and pay more attention to the world around me.

  40. Can this month end so these women can shut up already. U lot think the world owes u sumthing. Mike keep up the good work. As an artist, please neva change. Keep ur stories this real. Any1 who dsnt like it must stop reading. Its dat simple “strong black women”

    1. Rozz I think the problem with this country is that women are expected to keep quite like you are saying, sit in a corner and let things happen to us. What I like about Mikes characters is that the women are strong and opinionated like our Faith. So no we wont shut up, and this all is not because its women month its because an issue was raised. I would like to think you a guy to talk like that. Mike I still like your blogs keep representing us in every light.

  41. Lol haibo abantu bahlulwa ukufunda seriously! Thandeka wasn’t bashing Mikes writing neither was she saying she doesn’t like his blogs. Be critical of the subject at hand, the debate that’s brewing not of the lady that brought it up.

    Clearly there is great relevance to it all if it sparked so many comments.

    Siyabonga we will continue to read Mike! We love your writing.

  42. I actually agree…somehow when i.was reading realities last week I felt the same way…women in your blogs are overly dramatic

  43. I personally wouldn’t waste my time following up on a blog featuring perfected lives when I wake up everyday to a completely different reality!
    I spent quite some time going through Thandeka’s complaint, trying to understand what solid ground her argument was based on… But all I see is misunderstood feminism, perpetuated by woman’s month even!
    I am convinced that this has more to do with how one views the world. She sees an unbalance in the blog’s characterization because she came here looking for one. These stories might not be as accurate but to a certain extend, they do represent our daily reality. A reality I believe Thandeka so much wishes to eradicate. But she should sit down and ask herself one more time if presenting fictional, DESIRED characters will influence our sick, undesirable reality in any way!
    Mike presents these negative attributes to our logical proximity and scrutinity even. Not that we manifest them in our own lives, but that we learn from them and thoroughly convince ourselves that there is a positive alternative.

  44. Thanks Mike for the good read. N don’t let no black woman tell you hw to write on ur blog. Vele black women nineDrama shame. #proud dramatic black woman

  45. “O seke wa mpona ke le ditjhelete tjena, beautiful house, 5 cars and great husband, I have to sit mo Mbauleng everyday”. What. One very powerful woman I know once said when I told her I envy her. Sometimes we think people are better than us cos of what we see kante Noooo they like bo Nothabo and Lee. we must be happy that all these characters are always fighting to build themselves. Mara. To be honest that’s how life is, you can’t always be “happy”, there are struggles too

  46. Please do not bite my head off, I am offering a honest objective view on the subject matter at hand

    TL;DR: Yes Mike your blog buys into the angry black women narrative, but it seems to be what the people want, it’s up to you to change the status quo.

    Firstly, I love your blog Mike, but I do come here for the drama, to be scandalized, it’s like having that “ghetto” female friend who is always getting into some mess and you are all too happy for her to dish and “skinner” with you about what she did and where and how, but as soon as you leave you are counting your blessings your life is nothing like hers. Your female protagonists all have something positive going for them (education, careers, marriage and independence) but somehow they all come across negatively and their achievements and positive traits are lost in the drama, and the ratchet and crass behaviour. But then again this is what I come to the blog for and I am sure many others as well. You have a skill for weaving intricate story lines that culminate in suspense and raise pertinent social issues in a way the lay person can understand. Unfortunately this utilises the stereotypical black tropes, portraying black women as hyper-sexualised, angry, promiscuous, dissatisfied protagonists, and although your blog comes across as light-hearted while dealing with heavy socio-economic issues,your blog is in actual fact the very definition of modern tragedy; placing these black women in domestic roles where they doomed by the patriarchal values they subscribe to both knowingly and unknowingly. Maybe the appeal of your blog given the subject matter is more a commentary of our society and how we have to change things first ourselves I don’t know.

    I am writing from the perspective of a young (early 20s) black female with a WASP (White Anglo-Saxon Protestant) background living abroad (yes I am the token darkie and you can call me a coconut) who is very much in touch with my heritage and culture. Yes Mike the subject matter you tackle is relevant and a lot of women can identify with the issues you highlight. However white media has managed to tell the exact same stories, and even delve into more adult themes without denigrating white women. I am an avid reader and share blogs and books with my friends all the time (all non-black); and often I am asked to share literature I think defines the contemporary African woman, what it means to be a black woman in Africa and abroad. They have heard of your blog and I have dissuaded them from reading it (either than the grammar and spelling thing; I will not knock as most of your readers are happy with the status quo and I have heard you argue it makes the blog seem more authentically African) your blog plays into the angry black woman narrative, and that is not the perception I want my friends to have of me or other black African women (Western media hardly portrays black women in a positive light and black women of African heritage are often considered in a much more positive light than Western black women), and have steered my friends to Nigerian, Ghanaian, Kenyan, Zimbabwean and other South African authors who paint black women in a much more flattering light.

    The flip side to the coin Mike, is that your audience enjoys your writing and themes which I continue to praise as well; but if you are concerned about how your female protagonists come across then I would encourage you to try read contemporary authors like Marian Keyes (Irish author). Marian Keyes tackles the same issues as you in her books, her characters do not often possess all the potential your characters do (in the way of education, careers, marriage and independence); even their vices tend to be worse (drug abuse, violence etc.); they tackle heartbreak, broken marriages, unfaithful men, deal with anger, ideas of vengeance; even orchestrating violent crimes to get their own back; however the women come across as softer, more feminine, insightful, thoughtful, strong (even when they break down and are depressed); never angry, dramatic, or unhinged; even when they engage in violent “crazy” behaviour. Your characters are mild in comparison but you lean easily on a writing style that denigrates instead of celebrating black women and their struggles. If you would like to paint black women in a more positive light without compromising the thematic story lines you are so good at, I would suggest you study some British chick lit authors.

    The portrayal of black women in the media is a war I will not put on your shoulders alone. The bottom line is you have a winning formula here, it works for you and your target audience. I am not coming here to get some black feminist contemporary literature. I am here for a laugh, to connect with home and characters I can relate to. But your question was if these women buy into the negative black woman stereotype and yes they do. Is there something you can do about it? Yes absolutely! Do you want to? Well that’s up to you.

    I will say as a black African woman living abroad, I am often complimented by my peers, superiors, friends and strangers alike for my accent, speaking so well, being a broad conversationalist, my etiquette, being highly intelligent and holding so many advanced degrees, basically a myriad of qualities that the average black woman is assumed not to possess. I find this highly insulting but I cannot blame my sheltered non-black friends who grew up in the suburbs with few or no black people around and the media only to inform them of who black women are. So Mike it’s up to you, every woman on this blog is here because there is some black female they identify with here angry black narrative or not (which is more a indictment on our society as a whole than it is on you), if you have a daughter one day, what would you like her to see in the media and identify with?

  47. Wow…interesting topic & a lot mixed reviews I see. Kahle kahle there is no winning lana, men cheat they called dogs, women cheat they called whores..Its the damned if u do or dont type of thing. Like most people have said, we identify with the lead characters as these things happen in real life (even though Lesedi & Asthandile have some unbelievable moments) I enjoy reading these blogs, have learned a lot & yes Mike has a lot of stereotypes in them but thats because we live in a stereotypical (if there is such a word) society. I agree with Thandeka that they seem to depict woman in a negative light but not all is bad, one thing they all have in common is that they are strong…Those who call Thandeka (DOAZG) naive need to get the book because the ending will change that mode of thinking…..

    1. I will say most people have misunderstood Thandeka’s point. The issue is not the subject matter (again I salute you Mike for tackling these issues in society), the issue is how black women come across in the blog. The subject matter, pregnancy, unfaithful partners, relationship dynamics etc., both black MEN & WOMEN come across negatively. WHITE MEDIA has managed to deal with the same subject matter without WHITE MEN & WOMEN coming across as stereotypical tropes, but even in black media we have not managed to redefine how we come across. Noone is saying we want to read stories about perfect women.We want flawed protagonists we want to read how they handle their lives the poor choices they make etc., but WHITE media has managed to address the same issues with white women making the same mistakes and manage to be as if not more engaging than black media, without those white women and men coming across as white trash, angry, bitter, unhinged, etc.. White media has managed to tell the exact same stories without the character’s flaws overshadowing the theme and thereby suggesting these character flaws are an inherent and specific to race. Black media and white media has a reductionist view of black male and female characters, and we need to transcend beyond this. Mike has made great strides but there is always room for improvement. Constructive criticism

  48. Hello all

    First time commenting but I have read Mike’s blogs religiously and they are entertaining yet educational. I’m recalling an SABC drama that used to was called Soul City though I can not give you the number of viewers that watched it but I can tell you without fear of contradicting myself that it’s viewers were less than that of Generations. You know why because though it was an educational drama with good lesson but it was not dramatic enough to attract viewers in numbers. Yet it had strong woman character called Sister Betina.

    The point I am trying to make is that you can have strong woman character but your style of writing may not necessarily help your story. People relate easily to real drama and it captivate them to want even more.

    In a kind of story the reader always choose a character he/she wants to relate to. Take Mthobisi for in Missteps to me Mxolisi is no but he is just a thug but some ladies relate very positively to him. Yet they cannot proudly tell their children what their father does for a living in his spare time.

    To me all women characters in the blogs are heroine. They are involved in real daily struggles in a concrete world dominated by patriarchal society we live in.

    Lesedi’s boss is super hero though she is playing a cameo role. Mthobisi’s mother is depicted superhero though she is thug. She Rocks is a very resourceful lady who does suffer fully gladly.

    Lastly not all men are superheroes in Mike’s Blogs. Even those who depicted as superheroes they serious shortcomings, Mxolisi is depicted as weak, Dr Mathabo’s husband is depicted weak compared to his wife and most man here also cheat. How does a cheating becomes a hero.

    I seem to recall that even in the first chapter of the bible, the first woman ever is depicted as the one who deceived the first man on earth. Is she portrayed kakuhle by God himself, I don’t know.

    Bra Mike you are doing fine. Blogs are both entertaining and educational.

    Last point not related to the blog, I read that your old man uGeneral launched his book on his experience in struggle, how does one get it in KZN, please assist.

  49. iv never looked at this through thandeka’s view what u saying is true but isnt this a story of every woman
    1. Thandeka, we have alot of thandeka’s here in jozi the city of lights
    2. Lesedi, most of our grandparents play that role, n they will tell u “lenyalo hase papadi””emshadweni kuya nyamezelwa” they say such coz they know that marriage comes with alot of baggage, n when u say I do, u say I do to all the shit that man comes with.
    3. Asthandile, is that beautiful girl who happened to be her parents meal ticket, “trophy wife” they never love their hubbys here for money, which causes boredom n makes here cheat
    4. Nelisa, rebellious teen, n her story also shows how these old married men prey on confused teens who think they have it all figured out
    5. Sbongile, just like most girls who jump at the first guy who notices her n has potential to take her out of her situation, no child wants to have a father like hers, hence others run away from home
    6. Nothabo, is an example of why men dnt want women of her standards coz they disrespectful, think marriage is about them,think their our employers n the hubby is an employee
    7.fAith just like every young bitter dumped 1st time mother, whose prince charming turned into a frog
    The list goes on, trueth is this aint about being black or white, thing is with blacks we make things juicy n something better said in zulu or sotho, cabanga how boring these blogs would be if they were narrated by an Indian…every woman no matter the racehas been in 1 of these women’s shoes, if this was a movie it would be like “for coloured girl’s or diary of a mad black woman”… we cant keep wantin those fairytale stories which dnt exist, im glad we have this blog coz we learn from these women, we see where they went wrong so we dnt have to fall into that… n mike we dnt have to be like spiderman to be superheroes, n women being successful doesnt make u strong, what makes u strong is how u became successful. that rape victim who didn’t let rape define her life is what I call strong…women who go through what all these women go through especially the teens n managed to change their life stories is what strong is… so if u feel havin it easy all ur life n havin a career n perfect hubby like those in the movies we like makes u strong then sit down n listen to these women mike talks about co u dnt know what storng is

  50. And the “winner” is Palesa, said it like a real WOMAN should… yeyeyeye….
    Now will all you women shut up plaese!!! Mike, please give us another chapter

    1. Based on the respond on the Q’n @ hand prove somehow that your characters are not fictional. I see a lot of Nelisa’s, Faith’s and the likes.

      I started reading your blog last month and found myself intrigued of your narration, and how you tell a story. Keep it my good my brother.

  51. Can’t stand ‘boys’ like you jack junior. If you have nothing substantial to add, you Shut Up! Do intellectual debates bore you? Shem baba grow up. Be a Senior, Mike asked us to comment, air our views

  52. @ motso. I culdnt have put it anyway better. Mike ur stories are real. since I’ve started reading ur books, I look at life in a different way because the things you rewrite about are so real and we relate so much. yes some people can have different opinions but it also depend on how u live your life. With Thandeka, nelisa, faith, her sister n her friend, we as young people relate to those girls. There was a point when I first went Varsity n I ws Thandeka. being exposed to the rich n famous n before I knew it, I ws leaving Aurela’s life. Mike don’t stop your writing coz a lot of ur characters are eye openers

    I love your work

  53. It’s irresponsible and frankly lazy to say that you are just maintaining the status quo.You as a writer have a responsibility to your readers to not show one dimensional characters. I know many single parents who do not fall into Faith’s mould. And for you to pass that off as a norm is insulting to all single mothers. Enjoy your blog Mike but the tone of your response says a lot about the way you think and I won’t be reading this blog any more.

  54. Thanks Bra Mike and team,

    As a good writer as you are, unfortunately you cannot please each and every reader. Remember, common sense is not so common. Not everyone think you are trying to portray women and bully and weak and men the other way round. Please Sir do not be intimidated by certain individuals threatening to leave this blog for whatsoever narrow reason. They will leave but your blog will grow cleaner, healthier and bigger. One man once said a rotten potato spoils the rest, I concur. Sometimes we should be grateful you don’t even charge us a penny for God’s sake. What i like about your blog is that you cover a wide spheres of our daily lives and mostly it’s reality. Nigerians, sugarbaby, babymama drama etc. The truth is an offence but not a sin. Keep up the good work, you and your team!

    1. Again people noone is asking for perfect women. Thandeka has put forth a valid observation. Mike it is very possible to have the same characters, facing the same trials, responding in the same manner without the women coming across as badly as they do, by tweaking your writing style. I would challenge you to read “Baba Segi’s wives” by Lola Shoneyin; to understand how characters can come across differently; same subject matter you tackle, yet the writer manages to engage the reader, the characters are real and every woman can identify with one of the wives and their backgrounds, the first loyal wife who works and contributes to the family pot, the impoverished beauty who ran away from home and started off as a domestic worker using her looks to get into a polygamous marriage to escape from poverty, the young new wife who is educated and baffles everyone by choosing to marry this old rich polygamous man. Each of them deal with similar issues that you highlight in your blog, but come across as positive characters and not BLACK CARICATURES. If you are really interested in contemporary black writers and how they have managed to grow beyond the angry black narrative and gain universal appeal; growing from bubblegum writers to literary giants, please email me. I have a few academic friends from Brown University writing centre, the prestigious Iowa State writing programme, Standford University, University of Exeter and University of Nottingham (academics who currently sit or sat on the selection boards for prestigious writing awards e.g. Franz Kafka Prize and the KONS International Literary Award, among others) who would be happy to give you their perspective and some constructive criticism, and suggestions to help you grow as a writer while maintaining your unique writing style.

  55. Kwaaaaaks asho uLelo athi abantu basutha kab’hlungu,Mike I suggest u must now make us pay 4all this blocks,why should ppl tyk ds so personal#mxm#Story ke story mo u dnt evn owe thn any explanation or ke di baby-mama

  56. Big Mike…this is what you get If you are a south african leader, south africans are enjoying their freedom of speech , they are always looking for a negative. In zulu we say iqiniso liyababa ….ziyenzeka lezinto ozibhalayo. They must read the holy bible where they will feel better. To some of the readers your blog is an Eye ope
    ner. Keep it up big Mike

  57. Q2A:Mike u are a good writer n pls keep up the good wrk ur doing for us especially young generation.We actually learning a lot here but as ppl we not always happy wen someone s achieving something.So pls press ignore especially for negative comments.U cnt please each n everyone of us n u gonna end up not writing cos of ppl who take everything personally.
    I like all the books n characters n each day its like I’m watching a new movie.
    Kea leboha ngwana me n support all the way.God bless

  58. Shooo Mike the Q today has touched me in my studio! LOL To be honest with you, there are so many bad names for the woman who holds her own. Society dictates that we must get married, have kids and be supportive as a woman, however, I know a lot of women who do not want to get married and have taken measures to never have kids because that is not what they want for themselves…now when this lady decides to have an all white furniture and you come with your baby, is she angry for demanding you bring a blanket for your baby when you come to her house coz of her furniture?? I think not, that’s the reason why she refuses to have kids….exquisite furniture comes first and that would often mean the man she is seeing cant enjoy lying on the couch with a beer too. We are not unhappy but our choices differ as people and your characters are not a depiction of all women but certainly for most and I personally appreciate reading about such because they open my mind up to certain character traits that I may not necessarily be used to.

    Thank you for your great work

  59. Q&A You know what Mike I like the way you have depicted black women, in my opinion they seem pretty strong. Yes they have issues and who causes all these issues?…… A man. So why cant women stand up for themselves, have opinions and not be seen as petty or dramatic? All these women in Mikes blogs are strong in their own right, which I appreciate. I agree also that a book about a straight forward girl with a perfect life will be boring. So Mike keep up the good work and keep representing us Women in all our beautiful shades.

  60. I really relate with all your Female characters, I started reading the blog as far as Thandeka’s Diary. your blog has taught me so much and I it has also helped build my character as young female women. I’ve realised that this are true life stories of what woman go through or how they behave. which woman doesn’t have issues whether black or white. believe me I also have white friends who also relate to the blog because this are real life issues, its not about race.

    Mr Maphoto continue sir writing your wonderful stories and teaching us

  61. People lets be honest here, everyone can relate to the characters in these blogs. You know someone who is in similar situation. The blogs have mothers who are highly protective of their daughters. That for me is positive. Take Thandeka,Lesedi and Faith’s mother. These women are being potrayed on positive light. Even the strong women in our lifes have flaws. Each and every person have weak point regardless how strong you are.

    My issue with the blog at times is grammatical errors, and mixing names. It can be confusing.

  62. Eish this bolg thou

    All these characters are women in our society. I relate to every single lady .amongst my friends there is one character that pops up.

    Hu r u to say hw mike should write? every writer has his/her own style of writing. dats wat makes them different.Hu says ppl from overseas r better than us ? is it because of their accent that makes y’ll think they r better.
    Writing is a skill not anyone can do it otherwise w’d all be writing isnt so

    Keep reading Irish author’s books le tlogele go tenana le rona tjeeerrrr!!!!!

    We love your work we love these blogs they build us they in courage us they make us laugh, cry!!!!! they make a damn good topics ko our ladies chill sessions.

    I am not talking to my man because of this q&a now-different viewes wer its now personal.
    U see we r relating!!!!!!!!

  63. Hey Mike I think U opened a “huge” can of worms here. Sorry, I only managed 2 get 2da bottom now, been busy. But I think I 1st commented abt this issue in passing when it was 1st raised.

    If braMike was a Doctor what wud he be? A psychologist, gynecologist, sangoma, dentist, or GP. I thing GP. As a new & talented author, yes he has chosen 2play it safe by writing according 2his experiences (when he narrates) & what he got from his readers (the storyline).

    Hence his writing is a mixture of what he has seen/heard personally & what is happening 2the MAJORITY of his readers & therefore might not work 4the few “superheroes/heroins” fans. While he tries to “infotein” us, he might not reach out 2some few who are looking for an “oncologist” since he is a GP. Ppl pls, Mike is still developing his skill/talent & still has 2reach yo level of expectations of not “steriotyping ” characters bcz these characters R what represent “MOST OF US” who are “perfect” in our “imperfect” ways.
    If he were to choose to write abt a near “perfect” woman/man 4a hero/heroin, I don’t think there’s much to write about let alone to learn from.

    Let those who choose not 2read Mike’s oozing & raw talent do it @their own peril. AS FOR THE REST OF US Im assuming “MAJORITY” WE WILL READ YO BOOKS WITH EVEN RENEWED VALOR/DETERMINATION.

    Happy women’s day 2all the women!
    Those not happy with the absence of heroins/superwomen characters, I challenge U2 either send yo storyline contributions 2Da Mike or even better, write yo own blogs & invite 2b yo judges. – PapaG

  64. People are so often scared of the truth, fact is, enough of us black women know how to bring the drama. Nothing to do with being South African, in my country its the same story, hell look at shows like Love &Hip hop, basketbal wives, housewives.

    The need for us to be potrayed in a light we are not is pathetic and frankky speaking, some of the things in that complaint are not only black girl issues, some arent even only women issues. Besides, i have enough white friends who have their own share of issues that when added to the sterotypes i have of them, makes me think they are more pathetic then me a black girl.

    Also the black women in these books are based on characters that we all have come across, and usually i take a thing or two to stay clear from, from this blogs. I do not want to read about a white woman crying all night over the death of her cat and how shes been planning the funeral all week, thats why i read a blog that writes on issues i feel i go through and from which i learn a thing.

    If there is one thing i found deminishing of our blackness, is the need for us to always feel inferior to white peoole, thats why even things like our characters will be used against us. Many of us are loud and full of drama, thats no secret, now you want peoole to show you in a light thats not true?!

    I know black women who identify with charcters in this book, but in my view they are not being belittled, as a matter of fact, i found black women with all those flaws to be very strong. So can we just stop with all this complaining already.

    If you feel black women are being potrayed negativly, thn please show the positive which you would rather see, because one man (or let me rather say women) can apparently change the world. While you at it maybe also start you black media so you wont have to deal with the white media and its unrealistist potraying of black women!!!

  65. To be honest, these blogs portray the reality of most women today, NOT ALL WOMEN MOST, and to not allow it to happen will just be us being naive to the reality that surrounds us daily, as least with this blogs you identity a bit of yourself that is not good and actually (if you honest with yourself) work on making yourself a better person. I am all for your blogs and just how many times have you read people identifying themselves with some of the characters? A lot! simply because in each blog there is a bit of ourselves or someone we close(friends,family or cousins) to.

    Faith don’t back down just yet, stand your ground Nelisa is not into small boys anyway!

    Thanks Team

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