If you think you are too small to make a difference, you haven’t spent one night to make a difference! That one small impulsive move had just about ruined my life. Everything I had built for years had just about been ruined by me in my thirst for revenge. The sex was not even that great, just naughty. Ok fine, I am being bitchy but don’t all women say that after things go sour with the guy. When he was giving it to you it felt heaven but once you hate him you make sure that you tarnish that good thing about him. I was not going to show my husband this even though he had asked me. I deleted the sms. With women, we are punished Moore by our men for committing the same crime they committed. It’s like we are worse people than them because we have breasts. People forget that my husband had hidden two children from me for the entirety of our marriage. All of a sudden I was the bad guy? Really? Because I am a woman I had no right to be angry or to react. What kind of a person hides children? How many times did he send money home to his ex for the child without telling me? Some clever blacks will be quick to say that if I was so angry at him then why cheat, I should just dump him but when you are married for as long as I have, breaking up is not the first thing that comes to mind. What I had done was wrong, I get it, but I had done it in ten minutes compared to my husband who had kept these huge secret from me for over 17 years. Now I was considered to be the bad one, the ungrateful wife as being a woman my sin was bigger than his? Fuck that!
“Since when do you check my messages?”
He had not seen me delete it but what I did was put the phone down on the table next to the TV right in front of him.
“Yes daddy its rude going through people’s phones! It’s private!”
I heard Lintle add in her two senses. I had put it in front of him because I knew it would make him stupid. It was like I was daring him to check it and at the same time I was highlighting that he was insecure. Men don’t like being insecure or appearing so. It ruins their whole thing about being the alpha and independent. Who wants to be seen going through their wives phone really? I have said already that Sizwe was not a man’s man, driven by ego. He was the softer type but even for him this he would not do.
“Your mother goes through my phone dear. When you are married you should not have any secrets nor should you be scared when your wife touches your phone! It’s called trust!”
I heard my husband try to explain to my daughter but my little warrior would hear nothing of it,
“But daddy, trust is you not going through her phone in the first place. A person needs to be comfortable when they are with you and I doubt I would be if anyone picks up my phone every time I put it down. It’s just a thought though, grownups do things differently! I doubt mum would ever cheat though, come on now, she is… old!”
My daughter said. Ouch! Firstly I am not old, she better take it back and secondly, married ‘older’ women cheat too. Forget what you have heard because it’s bullshit. We are human too and have needs just like our husbands who make a living out of humiliating us with other women’s daughters. In this world there are seemingly two sets of rules, one set for men and the other set for women. They can do whatever they want until a certain age but we cannot hence why we are judged harsher than they are.
I called him from upstairs. I could hear that he was losing the argument with his daughter and needed a way out. When he got there I explained why I had left the house for the mall as well as how I had been called to check on a patient. I asked him to call the hospital to find out if I had lied about anything at this point. He listened in an uninterested manner but whether he cares to admit it or not he heard me.
“Love, we are going away with Lintle to try bring her closer to us. If we go there fighting then it will be a wasted trip and she will see right through our cracks. We risk further isolating her and that will mean she can never trust us!”
I told him. He agreed that we needed to be civil for the sake of Lintle but said he was aware of that and was not that stupid. I never thought that one day I would become those women who use their child to fight arguments yet here I was. It’s a low point really and embarrassing.
“Again I am sorry for what happened even though I did not sleep with him. I will apologise to you every day as long as we are still together. I am too proud to be that woman who would go skulking in corners especially with a nurse! Come on now, respect me please!”
I was playing to my strengths. If your husband tells you every day that he does not like skinny girls then most likely when he cheats on you it will be with a skinny girl. That’s a fact. Misdirection is what most people use when they cheat. My husband knew because of my pride chances of me sleeping with someone I considered beneath me were next to zero. Nothing wrong with being predictable. For years he had teased me, in a friendly way that he was in the wrong profession because if he was a doctor he would be sleeping with all these nurses. I always laughed him off telling that only new doctors do that but at some point they all stop because it just feels low and cliché. Female doctors especially would never dare go there. He knew this so maybe he just needed reminding.
“Stop apologising, it won’t change the facts!”
He said. My phone rang and my heart stopped. Even my husband stopped to see what next. Lintle called from downstairs and said,
“Mum, must I pick up. It’s some person called Mxolisi!”
My husband immediately said don’t pick up.
“Who is Mxolisi again?”
For a moment there the name evaded me. He reminded me that it was the lawyer guy who was investigating that investigators death. I also shouted to Lintle not to respond to the call. I will deal with all stressful matters when I get back. I had put it at the back of my mind that there was still an investigation taking place. So much had happened between now and then.
“Mum can I talk to you outside please its important!”
Lintle said coming up upstairs. Her father and I looked at each other but I agreed. We walked downstairs together and went outside. A few weeks ago, if Lintle had said that to me I would have thought nothing of it but with her new side I half expected to hear that she was pregnant. She had become so dark, scary and unpredictable!
“What’s on your mind?”
I asked her.
“Mum what’s going on, you are very tense lately? Is everything ok between dad and you? I am not dumb, something has changed? You both seem angry all the time!”
She asked me. That was not random as I think it was becoming clear that we were fighting a lot but it was something unexpected. The thing about Lintle that I could not understand was that with most teenagers, after the beat down I gave her yesterday, we will not be talking. Here she was talking to me like we had never had problems. Was she not taking ownership of what she had done last night? If not then it would have been a waste of time and she was bound to do it again.
“Everything is fine. We fought about you and Nelisa obviously but we are getting back to being great!”
I lied. I didn’t know what else to tell her and besides kids should not be asking such questions. These private schools we send them to are allowing them not to have boundaries as all of a sudden everything is within their rights.
“We have to leave for the airport!”
My husband said an hour later. My daughter jumped up and down with excitement.
“I won’t lie guys this is the most spontaneous thing you have ever done and am loving it! Pinch me now!”
She said running to the car. My husband managed a wry smile from that and we were off. We parked at the Gautrain Station in Sandton and we were off. When we landed in Durban my husband had hired a car. We were staying in Umhlanga by Gateway at the Royal Palm Hotel. It’s quite a beautiful hotel but its location meant I knew my daughter was going to nag for shopping as it’s directly in front of the mall. There is something magical about Durban which I cannot explain. The city just feels as though it’s alive.
“Can you go out or something so that you can leave me alone with Lintle for a few hours. This will give us a chance for a mother to daughter chat!”
I asked my husband.
“Don’t worry baby, I already have plans. I will leave the car keys for you. Someone is picking me up?”
He said with a smile on his face!
“Someone is picking you up?”
I asked him.
“A friend. I would show you their name on the phone but since when do we go through each other’s phones, right darling?”
He asked looking at Lintle, who smiled and said,
Goodness. What was this man thinking? This was crazy. Was he really throwing everything that I had said back in my face! What a low blow even for him with all that we were going through? It was not what we needed.
His phone rang and he picked up looking me directly in the eye. I think the person must have said they are downstairs. From my balcony I could see the driveway. I ran to it. There were only a few cars there so when my husband came into view I would at least see which car he went it. My line of sight was not too clear though as it was dark and not well lit.
As he came into view, one of the car doors opened and outstepped a formally but sexily dressed woman.
I felt the saliva in my mouth dry up immediately.
She came and she hugged him and from where I stood I was not sure if in the hug he grabbed her ass.
There was something familiar about her though.
I knew that woman!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Thanks for a great read.
I am a 23 year old lady still studying and working part time. I am in a long distance relationship with a guy who lives in another province basically a 3hours drive. We have been dating for a year and a half now but I haven’t seen his place. I am also from the same province we met when I went to visit relatives there. We talk on daily basis and he visits me once or twice a month. He has a son from his previous relationship but I also haven’t met him. Every time I want to see the son or visit something comes up: “I am away on a course at work, I am going home, my son is sick my mom is sick, I am going to a funeral or I am moving to a new house” they never end. Even this weekend I wanted to go where he stays but he tells me his mother just went in ICU he has to go home he will come next weekend. I do know his family and all his sisters and where he comes from but not where he stays or his son. Whenever I ask him to come he comes immediately even every weekend he does but I can’t go to his place. He says he loves me and even his family knows me and I do too but this is bothering me now I feel like he is hiding some-things from me I don’t even know where he works or met a single colleague I can’t even call him at work until 4pm but any time I can even at 2am he wakes up we talk.
HEY GUYS. THIS MORNING I DID SOMETHING TO MAIL BOX AND ALL THR LETTERS ARE MIXED UP. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I HAVE SENT AND NOT SENT. PLEASE BE SO KIND TO RESEND TO THOSE WHO HAVE SENT.