What is your first thought when you hear that someone you were just with has died? I believe it’s denial! Shock is the reaction that comes after but denial, now that’s real! I laughed when she said that! That was crazy and why was she calling me! Was this some kind of April Fools joke because if it was then it was not funny! We were not even in April so this woman must just chill. I have never lost someone close. I have grown up with the disappointment of not knowing where my father was but that is not loss in that sense of the word. Loss is someone you care for and you know you will never see again. It is something final, permanent and sudden. It is not something you want to readily acknowledge hence something you would rather avoid. This was me. My defensive mechanism told me already that come what may, say no. Hell no, this was Tidimalo, the guy who was supposed to rescue me from all this, my knight and my together forever. Why had I not told him I loved him though? I know why, when you are a single mother you are scared to simply just open and give your heart away again too easily. It’s true. When you are a single mother your protect your own for fear of what happened to you happening again. This is what our baby daddies do to us! They curse us for life. They get to go and fuck some more girls whilst we are scared of our own shadow and left telling ourselves that this should never happen again. That is our reality. We are scared to love again and if we love again we are scared to show the new guy all of ourselves for fear of being left again.
Judith walked in and asked me what was wrong. I thought I had said I was in denial but I guess the look on my face betrayed something else, fear maybe, panic I don’t know but something was there enough to make her ask.
“I am on the phone with Tidimalo’s mother and she is saying he is dead!”
I said almost sarcastically because the thought was just too crazy,
“Ugogo lo wa hlanya!”
She said and shook her head in disbelief but I could see that she too was trying to process that information. We both were. I remembered she was still on the phone and I spoke,
“I think it’s a misunderstanding Mme there is no way. It’s Tidimalo Mme, you know he is always around the corner somewhere!”
I said and don’t ask because I don’t even know what it means.
“He is always with you. I hoped you would know more than I do. The police just called and said he was dead. How can they just say it like that as though he was just a piece of meat though?”
She cried. Ok now phase two was sinking in. She was not joking and this was not someone who could be lying. I would really like to meet a police officer and ask him or her without offending them if they go for sensitivity training. I am not kidding, in my experience with them, twice now they are so rough and not willing to understand nor use a softer approach. Even rape victims have complained about this. I am too scared to ask because you never know, you could end up being arrested. I understood her though because of my past dealings with them.
“Mme everything will be fine. I will try my level best to find out what’s going on and I will get back to you I promise!”
I told her. I almost told her not to worry because her child would be fine but hope is the cruelest of things to give in such a moment so I rather held back! I was a super woman I know but I could not raise the dead. I hung up on her. Now the shock was kicking in.
“This is serious. She is serious.”
You know when your own sister cries over a friend of yours whom she hardly knew or spent time with you know he was a good person.
“I don’t know what to do? Who do I call?”
I asked her but she was crying already meaning conversation between us was dead. She was crying like those Durban girls after the July when their sugar daddies left for Johannesburg to go back to their wives and girlfriends.
I took my phone and I was stuck. For I am sure at least an hour I sat there frozen with my hands shaking not thinking straight.
“Judith, this can’t be right!”
I said to her but she now had her head in her knees. I could not think fast because my brain would just not process. It was then I remembered that I had a few numbers of some of his friends because he sometimes smsed people with my phone when he was here. Oh I never mentioned before, some of his friends had girlfriends who did not allow them to hangout. If I dated him I would probably do the same because they were a bad combination together. That’s why he often used my phone. I called the first number I could find but the phone went to voicemail. Tidimalo often said that voicemail so early meant his boy was with his main chick. Guy world is complicated and filthy. The second number the guy picked up,
“Tidimalo dude what happened to you, you fucken left with the hubbly and you been gone for hours! Where is the booze bru and why are you calling with her phone?”
The guy asked as soon as he picked up. I knew him as Thulare but Tidimalo often called him, Larry the king. I had actually never met him.
“It’s not him, it’s Faith. I just got a call from his mom saying he was in an accident and he has been killed!”
Saying those words I remember is what made me cry and breakdown!
“Eh don’t joke, Senzo switch the fucken radio off now…”
He screamed at someone behind him!
“This is not funny, he just went to get more drinks we waiting for him. He called saying he had to go to Diepsloot because he knows taverns that sell this late!”
I could hear people in the back ground asking what was going on and he was getting angry at them telling them to hush down,
“His mother said he got a call from the police! Find out more information for me please!”
Thulare explained that they were actually in the South but he will find out what he can. He turned around and told them what had happened. I heard silence and some girls scream. See why I always had a problem with Tidimalo, he was always surrounded by women and all of them hotter than me. How was I supposed to ever fully trust him?
My sister and I said that there was nothing we could do this late and both stood up.
“I am sleeping with you today!”
Judith said. It was like he was her friend!
“Ok that’s fine but…”
There was a knock on the door! It was 11pm at night for heaven sake!
“So late? Are you expecting someone?”
I asked my sister whispering!
I went to the peep hole to see who it was!
There at my doorstep was Tidimalo and I opened immediately.
My sister fainted as though she had seen a ghost! Why does she always have to be so dramatic though? My sister is a better actress than half of the people you see on South African TV who are there just because they are pretty!
“I was hijacked! They dropped me in diepsloot and I have probably run fifteen kilometers to get here and you were the closest person I knew I could get to! I need to call my mother and tracker!”
He said clearly exhausted!
I didn’t care!
For the first time in years I jumped into his arms and kissed him square on the lips!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Dear Mike and Readers
Hey guys, your blogs are all amazing and you have no idea how helpful the letters and comments are for a social retard like me.
Anyway, I wrote you a letter about a year ago telling you guys about how my Ray’s dad was being a bum. Well I’ve since sorted my life out. I have a job now and am studying through unisa so there’s hope for me. Now my problem is that I’m sooo single. I think I’m pretty attractive in fact I’m above average but I only just seem to be attracting guys that want to booty call me. I haven’t dated or been with a guy since I broke up with Ray’s dad 3 years ago. Before it was because I didn’t want to date while unemployed and I just generaly wanted to get my act together before dating, I didn’t want to be that kept woman I’m not the type of girl that even spends a guys money. My friends tell me I look high maintenance but I promise I’m not. Now it’s just these guys that take interest in me just want to sleep with me and move on when I tell them it won’t happen.
THE HIV INFECTED OR AFFECTED FORUM WILL GO UP TODAY…