Rumblings – Chapter Eighty Three

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

I was not lying when I said I did not feel bad about what I had just done. It was an incredibly bad thing I know, no excuse about that but I did not feel bad. There comes a time as a woman when you just snap and you want to cause as much damage as possible with one blow. It’s like in a fight with a coward, as long as he can draw a bloody nose out of you, or throw in one strong punch then to him he has moral satisfaction. That was me at that moment! Have you ever been hijacked? Have you ever had someone stick a gun to your head and say come out of the car? Have you ever had a stranger, bouncers excluded, pat you down to search if you have more valuables on you? Every woman who has been hijacked will tell you that these criminals when they pat you down spend extra time on your boobs and ass just to cop a feel. Yes he does not rape you but the pleasure he gets from feeling you up! It’s amazing really the country we live in. For me when they hijacked Tidimalo whether it was to teach him a lesson or not, they had violated his manhood. I have never seen him as scared as he was last night when he came to my house! They had taken something from him. This is why I did not feel bad BUT and it’s a big BUT, the adrenalin rush that’s going through me. I was nervous, I was anxious and yes now was scared. What if they trace it back to me? The reason why I had gone so far was so that it would not be traced back to me. I even changed my voice, wore a cap and sunglasses just in case they had cameras. There would be consequences.

When I got off the taxi in town I threw away the cap and sunglasses. Don’t worry it’s those fong kongs tsa ma China so it was nothing fancy. I could not help but marvel at how there had been no traffic at all and again luck was on my side when I went home. It was like the traffic gods had seen. That I was in crisis mode. Never mess with a baby mama because we have nothing to lose and men simply do not get that. Fool me once, shame on you (giving me and leaving me with a baby) but don’t you dare think that you can control my life after that because now that would be on me as you will have fooled me twice! The thoughts I was having though at that moment!

When I entered the house I found my sister stuffing lots of envelopes! I asked her why she was doing that and she said she got a job and they had delivered them. A job stuffing envelopes? Had they never heard of the Internet and email really! I did not say that to her though because allow her to be great shem! They were so many though.

“Don’t worry I work from home and they pay me for every envelope I fill!”

She said with a wry smile on her face because she could see the shock on my face the way they were so many. People are hustlers out there!

“Why though?”

I asked when I managed to close my mouth after this shock!

“I told you that I need to move out! Mum punched me and still has not said a word to me even though she knows I had done nothing wrong. What would you do if it was you?”

Let’s be honest with one another, there is something comfortable about staying at home. Rent is expensive. A two bed-roomed in a decent part of job goes for an average of r7000 if you do not want stay in a place with service delivery strikes. You hear girls saying a man at 25 should not be staying at home anymore and find his own place yet she stays at home he will most likely be in his first job and his salary can hardly afford him a decent place and he moves to a township you say he is not good or ambitious enough for you. Women’s expectations are a problem no wonder why they end up with married men and sugardaddies because they don’t have the patience to build either their own men or their own fortunes. My phone had been off this whole time and only now did I switch it on. I had even taken out the sim card and battery this was it could not be traced. I went to Twitter and to see what was trending and there it was “Gumbi”. Everyone was talking about it especially females who were saying that he must be arrested. Imagine people were tagging Ministers who do not even work under justice or police just to get their attention. It’s very interesting to note, Fikile Mbalula is the most tagged minister making him incredibly accessible. Love him or hate him, he is the go to guy and wasted in Sports. He was tagged too! I think only now did I realize the full scope of my damage. I needed to brace myself. My phone rang.

“Dude I have been trying to call you?”

Said the voice on the other side! It was Zama my once best friend, now getting married but had slept with Mudenda. I know I should stop talking to her but she had pleaded for my forgiveness several times and I had given in even though the trust was broken. We were not the same anymore!

“Were you listening to the radio?”

I said no I was not.

“Some little girl called and accused Mudenda’s father of rape LIVE on national radio! I was listening and it was so heartbreaking!”

She said.

“Really!? What was heartbreaking the Mudenda’s dad part or the little girl? Did the girl say who she was?”

I asked her trying to sound very shocked and interested in hearing more of course. I had to sell it. She said no and narrated everything I had said. I obviously pretended to gasp and be shocked but deep down I was relieved. If my own friends could not recognize my voice then definitely I was in the all clear. It felt so good being bad.

“I never thought he would be so creepy! It’s a good thing you did not marry into that family ah just imagine!”

This is something rapist don’t realize. When you are accused and found guilty of rape, even though your family had nothing to do with your bad decisions, more often than not people see them as just as guilty. In court they come to support you and people see this making them believe you condone their acts. It’s a tough one.

“Can I please come see you as we need to start arranging the wedding plans?”

She asked me. Zama could switch topics five times in a conversation. Half the time I never got to answer what she was asking because of this.

“Zama you don’t need my permission to come see me. You know my doors is always open for you?”

She seemed happy when I said that and she said bye. Later on during the day Mudenda called. I was expecting his call so I was alarmed at all.

“Please Faith tell me that you are not the one who made that call to the radio this morning about my father?”

He asked in an accusatory manner!

“What call? What radio station?”

I asked him acting surprised. He explained the whole story and that the police had come to his office and taken him into custody. He also said some journalists had found out whom he was and also showed up. His reputation was basically ruined in a single moment.

“Why would I attack your father though? Come on now, really? He has never done anything to me so no it was not me. I am sorry about what happened to him. Unlike you he is actually good man shem!”

Overkill nyana but that always works. I heard Mudenda sigh on the other hand. He was not happy. He was hurt. He wanted to defend his father but did not know how. I was not going to tell him how, he must figure it out!

When he hung up I called Tidimalo to ask if he was ok. He said he was fine and insurance had been very helpful. They were going to sort him out so he will have a new car in a month or so. There was a little awkwardness when he spoke and I asked him what was up,

“I wanted to discuss that kiss which we shared. You know I have feelings for you but you rebuffed me. I am seeing someone else now. She is sweet funny still studying…”

He hesitated.

“…and I like her!”

That is not want he wanted to say. All baby mamas know this. What he was politely trying to say was,

“But you have a baby!”

This curse!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Thanks for the blog it really does keep ones mind distracted & occipied pat times, lemme shoot straight to the point.

I’m 21years old my mom left us(my dad & I) when I was 3years old at a day care, my dad wasn’t aware that she had left until the following morning when the lady who owned the day care went to my house with me. My dad then took me to say with my aunt, tried to look for my mom but there was no sign of her. My father then decided on having a girlfriend who then lived with my dad for a year then took me the second year, she became pregnant. One day when my younger brother was born she took me with her to visit her mom, that’s when the problem began, that was the day my life got ruined, my innocence taken away without my permission nor my dad’s her young brother raped me & I was 5 years old then.

And when I told them what happened thy all didn’t believe me, i became afraid of males & I’d always get into fight with boys & I always made sure to beat them, I also had itchiness in my honey pot and I later learned that this was never brought to my dad’s attention, 4 years later she broke up with my dad leaving us with my younger brother. In 2001 my dad took another wife she then noticed my behavior she then one day decided to take me ho the clinic, thy only said I had std but thy managed to treat it. I grew up with the anger, hate & fear for males, and the blame on my mother I hated her because I thought if she was there this wouldn’t have happened. I still hate her even today.

The real problem now Mr Maphotho is my dad got back with this woman and i dont like her because whenever I lay eyes on her Rage, Anger & Hatred arise in me, I hate the sight of her. I wanted to kick her out but I looked at my brother who is so happy that his mom is home, so I just had to hold back everything I feel n think for I realized coughing out what in my chest could hurt both my dad and brother and this has now affected my current life, it’s so hard to let this go it hurts me every day & now it hurts my relationship. I’ve been with my partner for 3years now but he thinks I don’t trust him & I don’t put him 1st, I told him the story of my life when we started dating & he seemed to understand & he accepted me the way I am,
But now I keep having flashbacks of that day, and I usually have them during this winter season & now I’ve been thinking of committing suicide. It’s really hard having to live the way I do as now I’m the only one who’s working thy now dependent on me & this woman’s arrival has placed an overweight on my shoulders. What hurts even more is living with her under the same roof. This whole thing is hurting me & my relationship with the guy I love so deeply, coz whenever I have flashbacks I push him away, I forget him like make him the last on my priority list & we been constantly fighting about me, I neglect him and I’m afraid to share my thoughts, feelings& emotions. Mike I think I realise I need professional help as I’ve never got one before someone who’d understand how I feel completely I plead to you for your help before I lose control because right now I’m a Bomb that will self destruct at anytime please help me help myself. Thank you and sorry for the longest essay.


21 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter Eighty Three

  1. Tjo helpless. Please get councelling. You went through sh*t and I have to applaude you for being so strong. You are stronger than you think and stronger than you are making it out to be. You can’t give up now, you’ve come too far. Get help, start afresh. Having to stay with that witch must be painful I can just imagine! Get help sthandwa sam. Give the bf a break nyana and work on urself. Its gonna be hard tryna keep that relationship going if you are not okay yourself. Get help. All the best nana.

  2. @Helpless
    Take a first brave step and book yourself to a psychologist…if you have medical aid it’s easier,but again if you don’t have you are working,take care of yourself ,these ppl are so helpful,it’s for your own good….your first visit will feel that you have made a good decision for yourself,if you are in joburg,there are lot of psychologist,one is in town @ Lister building in small street…..make the first step,don’t look for permission to go see one,just go

  3. hi helpness.i know the pain u r going happened to me also when i was 6 and uncle raped me.these thing its a secret for me.i wanted to tell my husband but im scared.when i see my uncle i get angry and i have a daughter and im so strict on her.i feel bad.i want to talk but i cant.i dnt know how to start or how to now 33.i tell u guys because u dnt know me.i also need help.i sometimes push my man away nd starts accusations on him.pls help

  4. @ Helpless

    I feel for you dear, you have been through a lot at such a young age and you are such a strong person. You have been leaving with this wound for such a long time and it is growing because you haven’t allowed it to heal. You have been violated by people and by allowing them to get away with it will not help you. Your father as a parent is suppose to protect you and you need to give him that chance to do so. I would advice you to go for councelling and also tell your father what happened in that way you would be able to move foward with your life. Good lucky and I believe you can make it through, God is right next to you all you have to do is call up on him and he will take you tthrough

  5. Ai ai shame Faith wabantu when will she get a break? Thanks Mike and team

    @helpless – I once saw on tv about an organization called SADAG – 011 234 4837 for counselling or 0800 567 567 for suicide or 0800 12 13 14 (24 hour helpline) you can also sms them and they will call you back (SMS 31393). I hope they will be able to help you.

  6. Thank you big Mike…..askies Faith
    QnA try to talk to your dad just the two of you make him see or know how u feel or what you are going through while you go for professional help good luck

  7. Thanks Mike.

    @Helpless,eish sisi what a touching story you shared.I pray that God give you strength throughout the whole therapy healing,this is very painful and to all the parents out there take good care of your daughters.Always believe them when they share something like this,one thing I know for sure is that kids don’t lie about such predicaments.

  8. Please get the counselling that you need boo. Tell your father about your predicament, and then move out of that house. You might find yourself bumping into your rapist, and that can’t be healthy. It will hinder your recovery process

  9. Helpless

    in times like this the only person that can guide and heal you is God, God is greater than anything else dear. I wish I can hook you up with a guy that im working with. he help me and the way he changed my life I believe he can do de same to you. Please read; Genesis 37. it makes no difference the challenges u might be facing at home, work, amongst frnds etc. Be comforted, bcoz they’ll turn out to your advantage, the unfavourable economic situation in the world isn’t set against u, therefore, refuse to be moved

  10. Thanks Mike
    QnA you should talk to your father about this. From what I’ve gathered he seem like a wonderful father. You need closure and he may help you. Wishing you all the best

  11. First thing you need to do is open a case of rape against that filth of a man it’s never too late. go for counselling it will really help and lastly speak to your dad and tell him about your discomfort with this woman.

  12. @ helpless….I do not know what you going through sisi, I can just imagine how you feel…please contact Lifeline on 0861 322 322 or Famsa on 077 975 7106/7, get some help dear, because the first step of acknowledging that you need help you have done….wish you all the best in life and stay strong….

  13. Ahhhhhh Tidimalo,u hurting poor faith,today o bua se,tmwr o tla ka se,le wena ha o itsi o eme kae maan
    QA hope u get help b4 go ba llata.
    Tnx team

  14. Tidi mara, after all that Faith has just done for you mxm, if Tidi can’t be with Faith because she has a child then he is stupid.

    Thanks Team

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