A lot of people don’t know that the biggest burden that comes with being a single mom is the fact that moving on is not the easiest thing to do. By moving on I mean getting a new man and getting on with your life. It’s like we have it written on our foreheads that we are bad news that’s why men don’t want us. What’s sad is the fact that it is because of a man that we end up in this situation and never by choice! There are still people who genuinely believe that if a woman is a single mum it’s because she was a whore and reckless! I kid you not. It’s our fault for not shutting our legs or not aborting when we had the chance so why must the world suffer us when we brought this on ourselves! It’s nor joke nor is it meant to be dramatic because as a single mom we get all these negative judgments. There is just so much that can go wrong especially when it comes to dating which is why usually we ask ourselves so many questions before we even dare expose ourselves such as the following:
1. What if I bring the wrong guy home?
2. What if he does not want me because I have a child?
3. What if he sees my child as an extra expense?
4, What if he mistreats my child?
5. What if he makes me choose between my child and me?
6. Am I even ready to be with another man?
7. Will his mother accept me and my child?
These are just a few of the question but the last one is the most ironic because a guys mother, who is a woman mind you, can hate you for the mere fact that you have a child. She will hate your child too! She believes that her son needs to go open his own gate and make his own kids not accept the kid of another. That’s how united we are as women! Yay Woman’s Month! Then we blame men for oppressing us when we can’t even stand up for each other! Really? I wish I was a feminist so I could say all these things but whose listening when my fellow sisters would rather go sleep with another woman man for money.
I looked at the phone in disbelief. I was really shocked because I had been so certain that this was what he wanted yet here I was with egg on my face. This is why girls traditionally don’t hit on guys because the thought of being rejected is so embarrassing and when it happens you feel as though you have nowhere to hide. He loved Amo and everyday he made sure that Amo was catered for. He was a father, a mentor and a friend to me and Amo. If black people did this Godfather nonsense Tidimalo would have been a natural fit. He was always there nurturing and caring but here we were, any extra responsibilities he did not want!
“Were you about to say you can’t have me because I have Amo?”
I asked him?
“No of course not!”
He said getting defensive. I think it’s what he wanted to say but he had realized that it would have a very sensitive issue and something he would have not been able to come back from.
“So what is it then because I don’t get it I am sorry. We are super close and you told me how you felt before?”
I asked. I was hurt so it was kind of hard to let this go and just walk away.
“It’s exactly that, we are super close and you know I love Amo. We have dated before and it failed. What then would happen if we date again and we break up? Who loses out? I would like to believe that all of us because you and I would have been selfish. If we break up you will not want to talk to me or vice versa! If we break up we lose all this!”
He said making a lot of sense but right now sense is not what I needed. I needed a man to take care of me and love the way a man should love a woman.
“And again, I met a new girl recently whom am actually bringing over for you to meet. I have already told her about you and Amo. Please don’t let me cancel because I really like her and I spoke so much about you she probably now thinks I like you!”
He didn’t realise the last words came out but they did and he stopped. Awkward moment considering the discussion we were having. Very awkward indeed.
“There is more…”
He said and he was hesitating hectically but I insisted he speak because we were cool.
“Don’t hate me but I kind of, ok I…”
“I kind of sorta promised Thulare a date with you. You have been complaining about not getting a man for a while and I thought of him. He is young, an accountant, just went through a break up though with his ex and I thought you guys would click.”
He said. Ok now this had become humiliating. Now the guy I wanted was hooking me up to his friend. I just wanted the ground to open and sink. I was about to say no when he said,
“But another thing though, he has a child!”
Saw what? I was cornered. If I said no to the date it would appear as though I was anti him because he had a child something which I was already fighting Tidimalo for. How will that work? I heard Tidimalo’s mother say something in the background and he spoke to me and said,
“I think I have to go. Must I still bring her though or its now inappropriate?”
Eish I didn’t want to be the bad guy in this, I laughed it off and told him he could bring her. I would love to meet her. He said that she was new in town and was working nearby actually so he could even bring her today. Wow I could not help but feel like I had just been railroaded at this moment and it had gone from me trying to get with the guy to him bringing over a new girl for me to approve. Ouch, that hurt. There is no love for us out there once we become mums. I doubt guys suffer the same fate though to be honest.
When he hung up I just felt numb. It was too much to take but life goes on. I had more things to worry about. I went back to Twitter and “Gumbi” was still trending. In Jhb social media actually works. I have friends in other parts of the country who say that it’s irrelevant but here, even old people are on it now to try and keep up. The comments there were nasty and some people were even putting up Memes of it. People have time on their hands! I was starting to think though that maybe I had gone over the top with this one. Yes it was not a prank but this was a life changing moment. The person I had been trying to protect did not even want me, imagine! What a slap on the face!
“These envelopes are too many, please help me stuff them! The sooner I finish the faster I get paid!”
My sister said snapping me out of my thoughts. I was letting this eat me up inside already. I agreed to help her. For the first time in a long time my sister and I chatted about life and the small things we tend to neglect in our tense relationship. She was not my friend like she was supposed to be as a sister meaning I only knew her big moments and had never taken much attention to what makes her tick. The time flew by and it was only two hours later that we decided that was enough for the day even though we were not even half way done. My sister even had a paper cut and that thing is nasty! So much for easy money.
My mother called from work asking me not to cook because they had a function at work and she was bringing food. Lol ok maybe I should not have said that but my mother is one of those woman who be it a wedding or a funeral, she somehow manages to bring home a scuftin. It’s especially embarrassing if you attend this event with her and she has you running around looking for a container to take food. Not cooking though was definitely something I agreed with because I had woken up early to go do what I did and Tidimalo had emotionally drained me. I told my sister this and she too laughed as we shared in the same embarrassment.
In the evening I went outside for some air. There was a car I did not recognise that pulled into my driveway. I did not recognize the driver but the passenger I knew. It was Tidimallo.
“Sorry i didn’t call ahead.”
He said coming out of the car!
“Guys come out of the car!”
He said leaning back into it. The guy was on the phone and he motioned for one minute but the girl stepped out. She was pretty. I decided to stop being awkward and went straight to her to introduce myself.
“Tidimalo says you new in town but didn’t even say how pretty you are wow, I am Faith!”
I said. (Stupid goat! Now I had to be nice to the girl taking my man ah why have the gods abandoned me. I had lazy ancestors shem they didn’t even fight for me even to get a man! Useless! I bet you they were unemployed in their lifetimes the way they were lazy!) She was flattered by the compliment. Yeh, better be!
“I am ashamed of him shem he doesn’t even open doors!”
She said and we laughed (don’t know why though because doubt very much guys in Bloem open door so stop trying to act brand new)
“I am new yes, I am from Bloemfontein and my name is Nozipho!”
She said casually. Nice. At that moment the guy came out.
“Sorry about that guys, my dad mentor is on my case about something! I am Thulare we spoke on the phone!”
Goodness for the second time today I just died. I looked like a fucken Hobo!
Why didn’t Tidimalo tell me he was bringing him?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Yesterday someone sent a message as a comment of Jackzorro’s passing on. It was a hoax. He is alive and well. Please people let us not send such insensitive posts.
The last two weeks the blogs Rumblings and Realities have been significantly longer. We have moved from averaging 1200 words per chapter to 1700 words. The aim is to improve the quality and quantity of the work. We would appreciate some feedback on what else can be improved. So please email, whatsapp or drop a comment here on what more needs to be done.
Thank you so much for your support.
Hi Mike. Thanks for the wonderful stories. Here’s my story. Its long
but I hope ur readers will help. I matriculated in 2009 n due to lack
of finds I couldn’t go to university for we settled for a computer
course. And later i got a job at an internet cafe but had to quit
after my mom passed away cause of the stress. It didn’t help that my
bf at the time turned into a jerk. My life was miserable I tried to
commit suicide twice but failed. I prayed so much at that time my life
was tears from morning till sleep. I finally got a learnership and a
new bf and for a while life was great. I got pregnant during the
learnership which I don’t regret cause my child is my world. But since
i fell pregnant towards the end of my leanership i didnt get the job
cause i was due to give birth two months after the learnership. I
understood their decision though. Later Bf lost his job and went back
to kzn and after I gave birth (I live in gp) I also went to kzn to my
martenal family and spent some time there while looking for a job that
side but no luck. I decided to come back to GP to look for a job but
left my daughter with my aunt cause I don’t have any support system
here. Its been months now but still no luck. I heard that my old
department (from the learnership) had a vacancy and so I applied and
got an interview but from the very minute I got there I was
discouraged. It was like they were trying to put me off the work. But
I went ahead with the interview and even mentioned that I can handle
pressure cause I’ve done it before. I walked out of there knowing that
I didn’t get the job and they hired someone from another department.
My question is: how long should I be punished for falling pregnant? I
pray and fast everyday. I look for work actively but still no luck. I
feel like a failure cause I left my kid behind and it feels like it
was for nothing. The agency that I’m using isn’t helpful and I’ve
tried other agencies too but still nothing. What should I do now? I need a job.