Realities – Chapter Thirty Two

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I found myself laughing. Right there in front of me the lawyer who had come to represent the dead man was standing at my door. I am not evil or mobid but one must appreciate the irony. One person had died and over it all this drama was happening because of it. I called my husband and he came to the door.

“This man is here for you!”

I said weakly! Weak because honestly all the age in me had been sapped out!. I knew why and for whom here he was here but I was just tired. I was exhausted.

“Yes sir who are you?”

My husband asked as soon as he got to the door! The man looked at me bemused but after the last couple of days I had had, he shall and must be strong.

“I said I am Mxolisi Sibani. I called earlier on, my firm is having me look into the murder of Mr Joseph Rakgatla!”

He said almost rehearsed. My husband looked at me and held his waist and said,

“This Joseph Rakgatla must really have been like the Son of God! Come in!”

It was a crude joke but I got what he meant because the way one man had caused such a stench in the air and was slowly ruining our lives it was quite uncanny. Wow! You have to appreciate this moment.

When someone who threatens your well being is standing at your doorstep in front of you its very difficult not to hold your breath. I know I was holding mine at this moment. He had found me so quick and this was not what I needed. I asked him to show me his credentials because I didn’t trust that Mthobisi had not left someone to monitor us. I was very scared of that man.

“What do you want?”

That was the first thing that came to my mind after he was in. This felt like harassment. I was not guilty of anything yet I was already being investigated by lawyers. He was a bit taken back by how I said it.

“Ma’am I don’t think you realize how serious this is! A man is dead and you are the only suspect! You can choose to be hostile, it’s your right but am telling you right now that eother talk to me or get the police on your doorstep!”

He had a lot to say but don’t all lawyers do.

“Firstly let the police come because I was at home when this happened and secondly, since when do lawyers investigate though? Do you even have investigative credentials?

I asked him.

“Ma’am he worked for my firm as our private investigator here in Jhb so we have to determine if this was work related or random! I will also have you know he was my friend too meaning that I will do anything I can to make sure his killer is brought to justice!”

I wanted to snap at him and tell him to leave me alone but I ran out of words before I started.i could not warn him that this line of questioning could get him killed because this would mean I was saying I knew who killed him. This was tricky. I was also scared of stringing him along because eventually Mthobisi would and could find out. Now that was scary.

“I am sorry to be rude. It’s just been a hectic day! May I offer you something to drink?”

I asked him sweetly but trying to sound tired. He said no it was fine he did not want anything. He tool out his phone and notebook and put on the table. I could not help that he had 37 missed calls and when his phone rang I saw a name, Asthandile and he hung up. He said it was an annoying clying and started to ask me questions about my relationship with Joseph. I told him all I could without compromising the truth. The number dialed again and again he hung up. This was no client shem! Probably some poor unsuspecting wife.

“Madam I would like to know what was your involvement with him?”

He asked me!

“I wanted him to investigate whether my husband was cheating?”

I said crudely. I felt Sizwe tense up due to the lack of warning. And he was right to do so but otla ba strong.

“Was he?”

He asked me.

“Was he what?”

I responded!

“Was he cheating maam!l

He said again.

“He was not but I discovered two kids older than our marriage!”

I felt my husband tense up. I knew what I was doing though. If he was going to get off our back he was going to have to be told the truth as much as possible. What if he had found some records that he had already called me to tell what he had found? If the lawyer found this imagine his reaction after that. I had to tell him.

“Was that all he found?”

He asked and looked up and said,

“I am sorry that your husband turned out to be such a sleaze. My wife, the one who you see leaving all these missed calls,”

As his phone rang again and again he hung up,

“…also turned to be a sleaze but never mind me!l

My husband intervened immediately! He was annoyed at being called a sleaze I think. Hesaid that this line of questioning was not acceptable and unless he had something to accuse me of he must leave otherwise this constitutes harassment.

The lawyer stood up and funny enough neither apologized nor hesitated. He picked up his phone and dialled calmly,

“Sir, I am the house of that lady. I don’t think the woman did it! I think it’s the husband. He had motive after Joseph revealed that he was cheating and had two children out of wedlock!”

You should have seen the jaw on my floor! Sizwe remained calm and did not deny or fight him.

“Please leave!”

He said escorting Mxolisi out by force.

“Hire twenty more investigators too whilst your are at because they will reach the same conclusion that it was not me!”

He said when they reached the door. He banged it behind him and turned and smiled to me saying,

“Let them investigate me then you are off the hook!”

I don’t know what was funny to him but I already had another thing in store for him. I had been dying to ask him before this guy rudely entered!

“Sizwe why did you call your lawyers on me like this?”

I asked him. Under the circumstances I think the question really took him by suprise!

“Are you seriously asking me that?”

He said without even looking at me.

“Yes I did! You have never hit me before and you did!”

He looked up and said that he had given me all his love and I had paid it back by taking it for granted. I asked him how I had done that but he said it didn’t matter now because we had just discussed it. He said right now he missed his daughter. I asked him again why he had put her in such a funny lonely place. He tried to explain how at the time it was a good idea but now he was doubting it.

“I still think we need to divorce because we are not going to last even with marriage counselling!”

I looked at his face!

He meant it!

******The end*****



Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Hi Mike,

Thank you for sharing your talents with us and also giving us this platform to share our agony.

Hello everyone

I’ve been contemplating whether to send this to you guys but I feel since I had commented on Tumi’s problem I need to vent now! Please just allow me to let it all out guys I need to! I know it’s long but bear with me please!

Remember when Tumi was complaining about the undersized guy and I went on to say I made the decision to work with it because chances are he won’t cheat on me? Well guys I was totally wrong! It’s like the gods felt like I was daring them when I said that! Mr Noodle showed me flames shem!! After I had settled for his minion, gave him efforts to help him improve his performance, he took my lessons to use on someone else! I am so hurt, no I think I am more angry than hurt, don’t even know whether to laugh or cry for the fact that I was so sure that he would be embarrassed to be flaunting that noodle everywhere but guess I was wrong. Guess a cheat is a cheat hey, whether he got the goods to back it up or not! Even worse, he cheated on me with someone I know! Nahana I had accepted him with his worm, gave him love, respect, treated him right, even taught him how to work with that noodle and he still plays me? How does he get it right though, where does he find the audacity ya go pronkapronka ka lesonja la gae antse a le tlhomela everywhere!!!! NX!!!!

Moral of the story: Learn from me ladies, I compromised my sexual needs to be with a man I thought shouldn’t be punished for his misfortune and I still got my heartbroken. I settled for less (and I mean much much less) and still ended up with a heartache, got burnt! No more!!! From now on if your package is a joke, I walk!

What do men really want though hey? Like can somebody please help me understand?! I have had 4 relationships in the last 13 years, from the fiancé that impregnated my ex-best friend, then moved on to the douche that got me to make him salads a re it’s for his family ancestral ceremony kanti it’s for his 1st lobola negotiations to another woman (y’all should have seen me go all out ka di ingredients tsa ko Woolworths), then the prick that hid his daughter from me for over a year, then when I found out about the child I forgave him and learnt to love the child kanti I’m just a nanny nna I would take care of the child while motho a le busy le babymama even went on to make 2nd born while I’m around, and now Mr Noodle who I caught red-handed in bed with someone I know!!! All these years I have been faithful to all these punks neh, have never cheated on any of them. I guess there is no manual to a perfect relationship neh! I had taken my time to be single, got to know what I want and I am comfortable with that. Now I’ll just wait for my perfect piece of the puzzle (yes, even after all I’ve been through I still believe in love) because my battery operated handsets cannot take walks with me at the mall or listen to me or even call me or cuddle me, but they will just have to do till further notice!

Phew now that I wrote all of that I feel a tinsy bit better! Thanks for taking your time to read my 1 day diary of a #Gatvol-yet-still-hopeful #Broken #Noodled Tsaluuur

Thank You


48 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Thirty Two

  1. I love Sizwe , hahaha Mxo and Asthandile love how you consolidate the books .

    Can someone pls tell where is Jackzorro

    yooo today’s letter you had it rough ne girl askies masadi rasokola but don’t stress girl the one who will return you love will come eventually

  2. Thank you Bhut Mike, you never ever sieze to amaze hey 🙂

    Hahahahahaha lmao. This letter has me on stitches though. Almost fell off my chair ( the embarressment though, and I wouldnt even be able to explain ) .

    Ohh wow, men though lol. Im sorry im laughing so much. Im not laughing at you honey.

    Geez babe you have had your fair share of douche bags hey…as for the salad guy…hay now he takes the cake – The NERVE of ome men though #ClapsOnce. My jaw was on the floor as I read through that…hay hay hay #Claps Twice.

    Im glad though you still believe in love 🙂 Im sure you will find your prince charming, after all these frogs you had to Kiss.

    As for Mr Noodle…I have absolutely no words. This is why I never wanted to “teach” men anything. If you cant kiss me , I spat ( run ) as for doing the dance – now thaaat I would never compromise on NEVER.

    To me its simple, if you cant do me right I move on to the next one…..

    All the best though my angel in searching for that Prince Charming of yours…lol.

    What an awesome letter for a friday. Thanx

  3. Yaa men men. I had the same problem but we managed to work it as he jst lyk talking to chicks on social networks but he improved an became a better man n we married with 3 kids nw. Jst hang in there lovie urs wil come, this troublesome were jst preparing u to be a better woman for mr ryt.

    Neva give up.

  4. Lols u ryt as for the salad guy naah thats below the belt…..o na le masembros. Yaa le nna o mpolaile moo. Banna ba bangwe bona ke mathata hle

  5. Q&A Gal you have been through a lot but your attitude towards all of your past experiences will make you stronger. You are stronger than you think, but you will find love, and know your partners mistakes is not your fault but their stupidity. Good luck in finding love again.

  6. nice read Mike thanks for the delivery of my Book I am enjoying reading Thandeka again

    I really feel you Maureen and I am glad that you still believe in Love, I stopped looking for a Mr. nice guy a long time ago because he doesn’t exist

  7. Ao mare monna wa di salads ene nne a go leka tumelo struuu all yo efforts khante mo2 oilo ntsha magadi ke makgakga seo sies nnya odi bone ngwana ba2 mme u’l find your knight in shinning amour oska fela pelo o tie jaaka lefika

  8. she must just hook up with Mxolisi!!! kwaaaaaa! maureen shame bengithi i had de worst mara wena u need a prayer bt i admire u..

  9. Lol I just had to comment, You had me blasting in laughter, my colleagues think I’m crazy but hey if they had to read this too they would be falling off their chairs as well.

    I had to go back to the QnA a while back just to see your comment… xem I guess as women at some point we al make that mistake of thinking because he is so small he will never cheat, because he is so broke and poor he will never cheat, he is so ugly that no girl would want him so he wont cheat….. lol that is just nonsense we tell ourselves to make us sleep better at night.

    Ever felt the pain of being cheated on by a terribly ugly guy you dated because you were tired of these cute play boys breaking your heart and decided to “settle” just so you don’t get heart broken again and who better to guarantee that if not the ugly, dark guy you and your friends always make fun of saying you will never date such an ugly guy? lol and when you dating him, you have improved his confidence and now he feels if he can score a girl like you then he can probably score any girl he wants and hence he ends up cheating lol that is life unfortunately

    I’m sorry for what you went through in life hey, you had it pretty rough but I like your spirit, never give up.

    lol Can I just send a Shout out to the Salad Guy lol hehehe hai xem he is worse…… No offence to you but xem this guy is something else.

    Goodluck my dear

    1. lol the ugly ones are such cheats i tell u,i just dumped one bengithy ngyamzama umuntu wakhona usafaka amabrent wood and those ridiculous leather jacket i gave him style and pruuuuuuuu he flew lol i wasnt even hurt he cheated i just left it like that basile laba

  10. “Where does he find the audacity ya go pronkapronka ka lesonja la gae antse a le tlhomela everywhere!” Lmao lesonja shuu this letter is everything and more wow ge e le abuti wa di salad yena bathong ko re ebile o mo zama ka di ingredients tsa ko Woolworths aowa man! I’m glad you didn’t give up on love 🙂 it does exist hey and so do loyal guys, you sound like a strong and lovely person I trust that you’ll find someone who’ll appreciate you hun just hang in there!

  11. Lol yoh! Today’s letter though! Some men are dogs period! All I can say ladies is that when you settle for a guy don’t do it because he has some “disadvantage” hence you think he will stick with you or no other girl will want him.
    Be with a man whol you believe truly loves you. I mean even a disabled guy would cheat/leave you. His disability won’t make him bounded to you. Learn from today’s letter and not make the mistakes that she made.

  12. What a great way to end a very stressful and tiring week. But’ Mike, ra leboga. O tshware net soo ntwana.

    @CarolM, how are you boo?

    @Maureen, thanks for making my day dear. lol!! I am still in stitches now and can’t even finish reading your letter. I know you angry and hurt mara sorry for laughing ngwana. Haai wa mpolaya serious. As for “mr noodle”. Wa bona yona ya go pronkapronka gona, hahahahahaha!!! Yoh! Let me try and compose myself 🙂
    Salad guy ena ke masterpiece shem. Le thapelo e tlo pala ka oo ena.
    Tse di batla bo Jackzorro. Nna I often ask myself gore we as women are too quick to say our men ba na le di cigarettes. Has it ever crossed our minds that maybe it’s us who have Soccer City? Just saying. Maureen, ke batla contacts tsa gao. O skhokho straight and two beers. You heard guys, tlogelang go pronkapronka mo le di noodle tsa lona. Kwaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!


    Have a great weekend lovies…

  13. Mr Noodle??? I just died jeez. hayi but for me sex you can’t d me wrong yhoo otherwise I will run phela u can’t teach an old dog new tricks

  14. @Maureen, you have a way with words, you should consider writing a blog, love the way you told your story.

    I am sorry for everything that has happened to you…Cheating has no discrimination! I salute you for still believing in love after all you have been through*standing ovation* I hope you will find your Prince charming and thank you for sharing your story.

  15. hey QnA no offense don’t you think though that you are a common denominator in all these three men? i have gone through similar experiences and i realised that the biggest problem was me,never mind the brokeness of these guys who did such things,you dodged yourself a bullet,the biggest challenge is on our quest to find love we start undervaluing ourselves,we start settling just cause he is around showing you 25% attention,if u r trully honest there were always red flags with those guys,their character should have told you,but anyhow all is not lost take time to love yourself and not pursue a relationship,what worked best for me was working to build a relationship with God that’s when i realised how much I’m loved and how much i have been undervaluing what God considers gold

  16. Lol QnA thats life my angel , you are so funny

    your letter reminds me on an ugly guy that I once dated thinking that he wont cheat on me. I was like am beautiful he is ugly so surely he wil appreciate me u can guess how did that turned out lol


  17. Nice one Mike
    @Kayvee @soccer city hahahahaha, but as a nigga i can tell you you guys differ, some girls are as tight as virgins and some its soccer city as you put.
    Another thing is some cookies get damaged/tear when loosing you virginity, same way as the sometime tear or doctor cuts to give birth and saws it back. So rule of thumb if you where bleeding after you first encounter and just let i heal, your VJJ might have gained a couple of centimeter.
    All the experienced muffa’s will tell you some Vj’s have a tears.

  18. Lolin @lesonja kwakwakwakwa mr salad ene ke tshaba le go comment(a) eh… I admire that u don’t blame urself and u still believe in love. u deserve the best man though hey, nothing less

  19. Thanks Team.
    Q&A: you can do everything and anything for a person, but if he or she wabts to cheat – they will cheat on you. Some ppl are just not satisfied and I know it’s painful, but it’s not your fault or about you…. It’s just about them and their noodles / cookies they wanna share with more ppl. Ungakwenza konke, uze ume ngekhanda for a guy – but if he wants to go screw somebody else, he will do so and leave you all stretched out like a ‘ballerina’. Life sucks ntombi,…

  20. Thanks once again Mike…

    Maureen, u had me on stitches girl.
    uyi comedian straight:)
    after-all that has happened u still believe in love. u are indeed a strong woman never ever lose that.
    hope love finds you hunny.

    @Kayvee, im super love. its good to have you back:):)

    where is Jackzorro kodwa?

    have a great weekend everyone. those who are driving to Durban July please be safe!

  21. QnA yoooo kwakwakwakwa.. You called it all kwa kwa kwa kwa.. Lesonja, noodle, worm yoo ndo fa nga zwiseo

  22. Lols yaa today s letter le di comments tsa lona yhoooo am dead……..gape la mpolaya tjoo. Wht a gr8 way to start a weekend……le ke hlokomele crew n le ska nwa thata or la pula #death by stadium# thata

  23. Hahahaha, I had to come in on this1 especially on comments about being with an ugly. Thing is, ugly or hunk, fibre is the same. Every guy has a Queen, as for the other girls, its either for fun or an opportunity presented itself, for selfworth and/or self confidence (this one applies mainly to the less confident avarage looking and the ugly) and ofcourse having a side chick as a backup plan. Ladies your mistake is your application of the concept cheating, if only you would do so from a guy stand point. Cheating involves emotions, hence cheating in its truer sense is applicable to ladies (decent ladies that is, not those that got the Steve Hurvey advice twisted). A guy needs only an erect dick, we dont need to feel anything. Im afraid the same cant be said about you ladies. So if you are to regard cheating the way you’ve been doing, then be prepared to dump the next guy before you even met
    As for dating an ugly dude as an extra precautionary measure, lol. I am an ugly guy myself and I am well aware of this trend and to be honest I am well ahead of you ladies on this1. It is for this reason that I have victimised aplenty. The modus operandi is the same to that of a crocodile when luring a prey… hehehe, wait till I pounce! I personaly can see if a chick labels me a weaker, harmless catch and trust me, I play that role so perfectly you would swear im indeed harmless and risk free. Even after reading my comment, dont stop ‘doing’ us a favor tuu, we need you, our social ratings improves and if the relationship lasts, to our benifit, other chicks become curious as to whats making you stick around for so long. I might be ugly but I am very bright, Inteligent is the word infact. I know my limits and shortcoming, most importantly, I capitalise on my strength. That has gotten me to where I am, Ive been with the most beautiful gals that my good looking would musterbate fantasising about them. So ladies, not all ugly’s are the same, careful! In the same breath, not all hoties are wise and fun to be with. So if you are to be with an ugly guy, be sure to be a good actress or else we just shush till I bed you then I reveal my true colours, even comment on your bad acting skill. It is humbly to be played by an ugly guy, that much I know.

  24. Maureen sisi, you are funny!!! Uthi ubhuthi uphethe isonja? Kwaaaa!!
    Yea but we do take all the nonsense from these bastards and they cheat anyway. Whether they pack a gazunga or lesonja!!

  25. Thank u Nkululeko can’t wait for d next chapter, Q: Maureen hayi sisi life ayikho fair & it will never be fair but keep on being d great woman u are, God will reward u one day, clearly God wanted u to teach Mr Noddles how to use his tool nje kuphela, he was never ur soul mate, well done ke sisi u have passed d test. Now wait upon the Lord your father who knows d desires of ur heart…Gud luck sisi

  26. Big Mike u know we always thank u for a gud read
    QnA I will leave this one for ladies.. I noticed that there some who already experienced the same problem….guys enjoy your weekend. See u on Misteps

  27. Maureeeeen…!!!

    I absolutely adore your witty sense of humour! How you were put through all that is unbelievable . Men sometimes (only sometimes).
    Like that nigg*r had you schooling him then he got all turnt forgetting humble beginnings! Blerry ungrateful bastard ! As for guy wa di salad (woolies nogal), my heart would need morphine no doubt.

    In the same breathe, I struggle to understand how every one of your exes cheated on you in such an inhumane manner, o ba sela kae though?!! I genuinely-in-no-way-throwing-shade think you need to regroup and check IF you contributed to any of that.

    Nonetheless you seem all resilient and hopeful and still eager, so “dust yourself off and try again”.
    I genuinely wish you that kinda love that’ll blow your mind in more ways then one


  28. Dunelang

    Thank you Mike for posting my letter, pity I was only able to log in now.

    Thank you guys for your comments. I wrote that letter in such a devastated mood I just wrote it and sent it without even reading it over, seriously needed to let off some steam. Now that I read it I sound so dramatic… lol

    I don’t take offence to the laughing at all, in fact your comments cheered me up so much.

    I am happy to report that I am dealing with the pain slowly, taking it each day as it comes, because nna I’m the type of person that I had told myself that I will never ever let another person deny me the opportunity to experience a happily ever after, no matter what I experience I won’t be miserable over someone forever. Mepako e a koe luza ka lebaka la monna shem nkaseke.

  29. Oh and by the way, Ntate Lesonja has been crying (boohoohoo) begging and pleading for forgiveness the whole week, I am not going back there ke shap!!! Daram motho got to experience a delivery ya chocolates and flowers a go tshwane ba nketsitse motho nyana lenna… ☺☺☺

  30. Tx Mike! Gr8 chapter! As 4 de letter today wow!! U lady had it really rough nd dats life, lesson learned frm u it shows gore I m not de only 1. Nd we gotta kip blvn in love thr is sum1 out thr 4 ol of us. Tx

  31. Mike u the best

    QnA Yhooo dead,we will always cheat if the opportunity presents itself.Maybe u should go with the flow now.We man check few things also in a woman, describe urself n your age n job maybe I can give u tips.Do u have kids n is ur mom married? Lol still

  32. Thanks Mike,

    Maureen you killed me. Iyhoo! And the comments! I’m rolling on the floor laughing my ass off.
    Bare cheating doesn’t discriminate #Dead

  33. Hahahaha wa tla wa mpolaya mosadi.Monna ke monna sisi as long leshotsanyana leo le bereka he will cheat whether he ugly or not working or wearing funny.he going to use that noodle to phokaphoka moo mosading yo a dumelang.Ah the salad guy yena lol.I glad u have a gud spirit .Nna I give up longtime ago.One day is one day u will forget abot the salad arrogant man,leshonja n ugly man.Gud luck girl

  34. Eix, qna. Men are just so ungrateful i tell u. These bustards have no idea what they want exactly. Joh uve been through alot, hope you will find a good man in time

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