Realities – Chapter Thirty Seven

You know when your mother in law comes and takes a dump in your kitchen because she does not like you? What do you do? Do you cry because you are so insulted? Or do you beat the shit out of her for the disrespect? No maybe you prefer to just walk away and leave because clearly there is no reason to stay? You have so many options of which all options are something to be honest. I don’t know about you but seeing that woman, Nelisa’s mother, at my house at my doorstep felt that. Why would a grown woman really show up to see her ex-boyfriend at another woman’s house? He was my husband and surely this was the ultimate insult. How was I supposed to handle this situation though? I was not trying to look like an insecure ratchet wife but honestly at this point my ancestors were whispering in my ear saying I must moer the bitch for the sheer disrespect! My daughters rebellion had started the day my husband came back and announced that he had another child. It was all her fault that much I am certain.

“Nana what are you doing here?”

My husband said to her as soon as the car stopped. He did not say it out of anger and actually sounded so loving and endearing. I looked down and sunk my nails into my thighs telling myself I needed to calm the fuck down or else today there will be bra’s and mommy panties in the street. And he called her Nana! I am certain that was a pet name and not her real name. I don’t know women, when you are with your man, no sorry, your husband, and he meets his ex, a married woman and calls her by probably the pet name he gave her when they were together what really does that mean. My hands were wet, just the hands, because I was sweating! I sized her up! She was not ugly at all but I could see that time had not done her justice. She had been pretty in her youth that’s for sure and I could see where Nelisa got her beauty from. It certainly was not from my husband.

“I am sorry to show up like this. I mean you no disrespect but I need your help but I really have no idea where Nelisa is staying”

Ok I was very confused. Firstly how do you not know where you daughter stays but you know where your ex-boyfriend stays. Had this woman been in my house?

“Eh Sisi, it’s too late for that now. How do you know where Sizwe stays?”

I asked immediately. I really was holding back on being rude but this was not making sense.

“I have his business card, I called and someone gave me the address.”

She took out an old business card and because it looked so old it was kind of hard to accuse her of more. I held back but it brought me to the second point! What kind of mother does not know where her daughter was staying. I wanted to hear more. I asked her to come in. She hesitated and I could see she was afraid now. She had not thought this through! I laughed out loud,

“O come on, we are all adults here! Don’t worry. Any friend of Sizwe’s is a friend of mine!”

I said gleefully. The irony that was dripping off those words was like the greed of Judas but let me not go there!

Ok, as women we compete with each other to see who is the better woman by how well our house is set up. It’s true! Don’t be fooled by your mother having dishes meant for special occasions, it’s too show off at the right time. Thank God times have changed though and women are not judged by how well they look in the kitchen.

“Thank you very much!”

She said as I ushered her in. I could strangle her at any moment and my husband won’t be fast enough to stop us! Hell no! This will be like hitting a baboon that has entered your maize field! I woul be merciless and ruthless! She was in my house! Yho! My blood was boiling!

“Oh wow what a beautiful house you have!”

She said as soon as she stepped in. I could actually see the awe in her eyes. I think that’s what made me calm down a little. Bitch had better recognise! Nothing gives a woman more pride than knowing in her house she has more than everything that she needs. Any woman who steps in must envy her. My house was that house! Even my curtains could buy someone’s couch! My husbands ex needed to see what he had upgraded to.

“Please sit down can I offer you something to drink?”

I asked her as she sat. She was very scared of me, good, so she knew who was boss!

“No I am fine. I just need help, I want to go see Nelisa. Ever since she left home we don’t know where she is!”

I told her that I knew where she stayed because I had gone to drop her off. She sounded genuinely shocked by this because I guess in her stupid little head I would be a monster to her child. She was family so how could I have done that.

“Don’t worry she is also my daughter.”

I said. As mothers I guess at some point you understand each other. I told her that my husband and I would both take her to see her daughter. Sizwe who has said nothing thus far looked up for the first time when I said we will go together. He called me to the side and said,

“Love, this is something we have to do the two of us don’t you think. I am… I mean we are… eh”
I know he was trying to say because he was the father! Ga ntsebe botse monna waka! Lol this man! He has games neh! Lots of them!

“Over my dead body am I allowing you to take your ex girlfriend and go away the two of you? How gullible do you take me for Sizwe? Either you do things my way or there is no way! I will show you my true colours! Do you want that?”

I asked him and started to take off my earrings! Men always wonder why women take of earrings first, that’s simple, it’s the first thing the other woman pulls, that and hair. Like honestly I wonder how girls with weaves fight because not only is she pulling off r3500 worth of hair in a fight, but she also damages it.

“That won’t be necessary come on now Nothabo! Really. You want to beat her up now after you invited her in!”

He said trying to guilt me! This man neh!

“Invited her in? She was at my fucken door Sizwe at my house! What did you want me to do?”

He did not want me to raise my voice so I think that is why he said yes so fast! But how could he even ask me if I could stay behind. Now was not the time for that. He had said he was not going with me to Bloem the following day but her being here changed everything. He was coming with me no matter what otherwise I was going to cut off his dick in his sleep and take it with me to Bloemfontein. I am not that brave. It’s the dusty looking women that take our men.

My father called at that moment. I would have ignored it at any other time but I wanted him. He asked me when I was leaving because he wanted us to get this over and done with. He was tired of sneaking around so he needed me back asap. Some of these men though, how do we honestly end up with them. My father for as long as I could remember was the coldest and meanest man around yet my mother loved him to death. Women never ever consider that these gangsters that make them feel so sexy can turn on them at any moment. That was my mother for you when they do turn on you there is usually absolutely nothing you can do about it.

“Papa why are you speaking like that? It’s mum you talking about?”

I asked him. Now he was just being plain disrespectful.

“No she locked me out of my own house because she is angry! I am tired I don’t need this!”

He said angrily. I doubt in his eyes he could see what he did wrong! I told him Sizwe and I would be coming tomorrow. I hung up.

“I said I am not going with you!”

He said surprised I had said that!

“If you can tell me why a hyena can laugh but cannot smile then you will stay behind otherwise I swear to God, I will burn you in your sleep! I am not joking Sizwe! Tomorrow morning you are driving me to my parents’ house! Nana will be with her daughter! Now let’s take her there before I cause a scene!”

I said with a fake grin which was immediately replaced by a scowl. I was not a bad person but this man was making me angry.

“I see I have caused tension. Please can I just have the address. I will go by myself!”

The pretty lady said. Ok fine she was prettier than me no doubt!

“Yes there is a bit of tension unfortunately but I hope you understand why I can’t borrow you my husband. We all going together. I really am trying to hold everything together!”

I told her with honesty. Sizwe looked like a scolded school child! He drove and she sat at the back. We drove in silence. When we got to the parking lot there was no parking close to the entrance we had to park at the very end. I am not sure I remembered her room number but my husband seemed to know it. Her mother looked anxious but I think it was this anticipation for seeing her daughter for the first time in God knows how long!

When we walked out of the car! A few cars down there was a couple standing. The girl had her back to use but the man who was around my husband’s age was kissing her. We could see his hands were under the girl’s skirt as he fondled her buttocks.

“This is what happens in Jhb and why I don’t want her here?”

She said voicing her disapproval and even for me this was disgusting and wrong. The way the man was grabbing the girls butt it was like he had not touched an ass for years. Sizwe clearly looked dazed and I looked at him. I looked at his pants to see if he was aroused! Men! They are so fucken weak! I could see the tent on his trousers rising meaning that little scene had turned him on.

“Useless Sizwe! Useless!”

I said and he saw where I was looking and laughed. It made the couple stop and turn.

I recognized them immediately.

It was Nelisa by the door of the car! she was kissing the old man whom had come to the house with her.

Her sugar daddy?

Rodney I think was the name!

I heard her curse and say,

“Oh shit!”

Sizwe ran to him and he punched him before he could even figure out what was happening!

I was so mad at him!

*****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Hi Mike. I have a request if you don’t mind, may you please open a group or page, something called “My story” where some of us can share our stories in a non letter like format. Remember the girl with the abortions; I felt that was a very powerful story to tell. I also have such stories but at times for fear of judgement I don’t get to express it.

Ask your readers what they think?

Thank You


Dear Mike

I hope you get to read this. I am in an abusive relationship and I don’t know how to get out. I come from a very poor family in Bizana and because of poverty I did not even finish matric. I married this guy who works for government and he started taking care of my siblings as well and I. At first things were good but when we realized that I could not conceive he changed. I am not even a gold digger because I love this man and what he has done for my family but I know that if I leave him my family is screwed too. What’s worse is that my younger sister is 17 now and I found them kissing. I beat her up and he beat me up for me doing that. Now he is openly kissing and touching her in front of me. She said to me it was because she knew that he was about to divorce me and without his money the whole family will starve. We have two other younger siblings boys. I can’t get a job and am writing my matric next year so I can try get myself an education. He has been supportive of that. I am 24 by the way he is 30. I can’t leave him for fear of going back to begging but I also can’t let him sleep with my sister because I am his wife.

I am so stuck guys what should I do? My sister says she is doing it for us but she is a child. Ever since he started playing with her he is nice again. He changed my brothers schools and they are doing well but at grade 9 what do they know.

Please Advise


29 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Thirty Seven

  1. Yepee! I’m the 1st 1. Thanks Mike for that nice read. Bizana sisi don’t you have relatives who are well off and can help you. Try changing schools for your sister or move her to another town. Try getting a Job at a resturant in Grahamstown or P.E they don’t pay well but you will be making a living and leave that scum of yours he is good for nothing.

  2. Thanks for the nice read Mike. Q/A sisi you have to leave that monster, he is abusing you because you can’t stand for your self find any kind of a job and remember to pray God will answer you.

  3. Thank you Mike….I am all for the PMB “My Story” page. A lot of people have stories to tell and most of us can learn or even help with what others are going through.

    Bizana : Eish sisi yandzima into yakho. Beigh in a an abusive relationship myself I sooo relate with what you going through. have options here.
    1. Try and make this whole situation work for you. I mean you are his wife right…you have access to his finances and stuff….Open a new account and start saving money for yourself…or you can just hide the money somewhere else…ewe I am saying exactly that… steal from your husband sisi. It serves him right for beating the shit out of you…You have a long way to go wena.
    2. Stick it out, finish your matric, go to University , find yourself another man ( whilst you are with your husband so that he pays for your school fees) . That way you can have your education and keep an eye on your sister.
    3.Be the bigger person and just take a leap of faith and leave him with your sister and do your own thing….

    But ke the latter sisi will not get you nowhere slowly.

    Make the most of the situation and just try and stay out of his way yena….I know its his your husband and all but this is no time to be all emotional about this. You need now not to think with your heart but use your head….this is a man who is abusing you simply because you cannot concieve and now he is DISRESPECTING you with your own bloody sister infront of you nogal….rhaaa sis man, iyandicaphukisa lento ayendzayo…. So be selfish because clearly he is not thinking of you and how everything is affecting you.

    I say get him back for this by outplaying him….at 24 my angel…you are still very young ungaya kude.

    This just pisses me off…nxaaaa… This is not a very good friday for me..its even stormy in Cape Town…oohhhh well

  4. your sister uphetwe yimfebo nje. Akuna doing it for the family la. They are disrespecting you nje qha. If you allow this, it will never end even when you’re finished with matric.

    You are afraid of poverty? Really? If the only reason you’re still with this man is money, then you’re richer without him. Divorce him. You will have more money when you divorce him. If you guys are in a civil union or Community of Property just divorce him. You are entitled to 50% of his pensions, 50% of his investments, 50% of the total value of your assets(house, cars, furniture, cash). If he is in government the pension is substantial hey. You get those monies buy a smaller house and pay for your education and your sibling’s education. Invest it in ways that’ll bring you income monthly.

    If you have further questions please email Mike and ask him for my email address.

    1. and if that guy married her out of community of property, then what? and there is no child so how will she be entitled to his money given the scenario i just painted out for you?

  5. Thankx 4 the gr8 chapter Mr Maphoto

    Miss Bizana sisi wam u can go and report this Abusive husband of your to the elders of the Famaly or open a case against him, coz hu knows mybe his already sleeping with your younger sister.

    How can this Guy do this mara kumuntu emthandayo? Plz do sumthing Bizana be4 its too late

  6. Stick it out, finish your matric, go to University , find yourself another man ( whilst you are with your husband so that he pays for your school fees) . That way you can have your education and keep an eye on your sister.

  7. Cc, report ur husband he WL b charged for rape if he is sleeping wt her cz she is under 18. Even if der WS consent the law states she is a child and ur husband WL NVR tnk of Ever dng something lyk Ds 2 u agn. DT is to scare him as 4 ur csta, if she WS dng ds 4 ur family she would HV told u 1st not wait for u to catch em. Careful dy don’t kill u 1 day and live happily ever after. All the best cc

  8. Here we go again giving each other the wrong advice. The age of consent is 16 so it’s not rape. The woman says the man pays for her own family to survive… now you say she must get rid of him? Have you ever been poor and had to beg for food? You want her to go get a job in a restaurant? How when all those jobs are taken by Zimbabweans and it’s not xenophobia if it’s the truth. She needs to stick it out and get herself and siblings an education before she can get rid of him. That’s reality. I am sorry for her pain but either she deals with the pain or moan for the next few years.

  9. Thank you Zuma ppl just gv advise without putting themselves in that situation, sisi yo husband is nice now n taking care of yo siblings, sisi get yo self an education n yo siblings too, n tell yo sista to usecontraceptives, than leave his ass once u hv everything if u want too

  10. I am with PMB on this one

    QnA I agree with Zuma I’ve once said it people are too quick to judge others without putting yourself in that situation. sisi I know its hard for you especially what your younger sister is doing. sometimes life its about securing yourself you cant leave this man until your able to stand on your 2feet. weigh your options and do what feels is best for you

  11. Oh Mike, that comment about my dad, Khulubuse was just low and uncalled for, you don’t even know the man yet you make such a judgment on his character, thats so low of you. Honestly its defamatory to say such things on a platform such as this, and being the wise-ass that you are i expect you would know not to make such comments. i demand a retraction…

  12. Thanks Mike
    Eish @ Bizana what your husband is doing is so wrong on so many levels, it saddens me. I have a few questions though, how sure are you that it is you who cannot conceive? Did you guys sort medical intervention in this regard? I know most men are quick to blame the woman when there no bambinos produced. His lame excuse for his behaviour is uncalled for; you need to report him, he can not be playing God because he takes care of you and your familly. Maybe you should speak to him and ask him if you cannot consult with a gynaecologist and find out why you cannot conceive (if you are the one with the problem, that is) and to see if there is something that could be done to help you achieve this. My sister had the same problem and they found out she had fibroids which had to be removed and she is now preggies. All the best cc and may God be with you in all this.

  13. I agree with PMB. I have another reason/idea to add. Something that’s active 24/7. Just the other day I needed advice or just someone to listen to my problem. Family wasn’t going to receive it well and friends would probably judge. What came to mind was what if someone has an urgent problem that needed to be dealt with in a short period and not want for Mike to publish the letter a day or two later. Yes we have many platforms like childline, police and the likes but sometimes going somewhere physically is a lot harder than through cyber space. Not sure if I’m making sense.

  14. Thanks Mike

    @Bizana: I am not sure how long is your marriage to this person and before him how did you survive. How do you feel then when you watch your sister kiss your husband for the sake of your family? How are you going to feel if she gets pregnant ahead of you. At seventeen she is too young to sacrifice her life and youth for a cow like that. At 24 you are too young to be abused for the sake of your family. What happens when he decides to abuse both of you (U and your sister). What happens when he decides not to help you and your brothers futher your studies because he knows once you are all liberated you wont need him as much as you do now.

    There is always another way, we all have choices even though some are more difficult and painful than others. No one ever died because of poverty and no one ever bought his way out of death because he is rich.

    kuyo yonke lonto I hope you wont end up hating each other because of this man because it is highly possible.

  15. Eish Nothando le yena. She is pushing it. Nelisa’s Mom and Sizwe have a connection that can’t be broken,NELISA they are gonna talk a ratang kapa a sa rate. Bizana Nana ppl give you advice to report him or divorce him but they don’t even know hore le nyetse in community of property or not. What if you report him and he divorces you and you are not married in community of property what are you going to gain. You gonna be back on the streets begging for help, bala nana and try to find yourself a job after that then you can decide hore you wanna leave cause you said it yourself hore wa mo rata and whoever said lenyalo le monate was lying to you. Kaofela a na le mathata ho tswa ho wena hore how you gonna deal le ona. Even the rich or educated ones bantse ba bapalwa ke banna. Take Nothando for example she is a doctor who’s been played by Mageza.the other thing you can do is pray that the good LORD give you strenght cause its not because you can’t conceive that your husband does what he is doing. O sele monna oo ebile o tletswe ke bofebe. Ka 24 you’re still young hore o ka se bane le chance ya ho bana le ngwana. Nna I was 26 when I got my first born so le wena you still have a chance. Pray Nana GOD is good all the time and he doesn’t dessert HIS children.

  16. Yhoi Bizana ur sister is wrong i wont lie ayikho ryt lento eyenzayo n yazini i hope u do ur matric n pass it n get ur self an education n leave dis bastard alone n as for your sister how can u do dat to ur own blood n i wud never accept sumthing like dat n its true imali imbangela yesono n i wish u well n hope u get a gud man n a gud future

  17. Iyoooooo nelisa!
    Bizana we cn all talk,gvs u advices,bt u the decision maker.being poor dznt gv him the rite to abuse u nd yr little sister,ur sister yena uphethwe buhule qha.hw cn she so dat to u?ha a na bk borne 24 u still hv s long life ahead of u,u cn do better after him shem,ha se monna ke kolobe

  18. Bizana sisi…my best advice to you is to apply for funding / student loAn like NSfas that will allow you to study at an FET college so you can gain skills and get s decent job,you are still young so things like promotional work could allow you to get some money and save it while you study at the same Tim doing promotions could get u something like R3000 or more a month which you could put aside until you finish matrix and find a job

  19. Thank you Mike. @ Zuma so pple should not look for jobs in restaurants because of Zimbabweans, who is employing those Zim pple? Don’t be arrogant, Bizana can look for any job just to get on her feet. I didn’t realise that restaurant jobs are now reserved for Zimbabweans in South Africa. Bizana sis try and finish matric but look for some capital and start a small business, sell bales of clothes, winter coats, leather boots, kids clothes, you can start small, there are clothing factories where can also order. As for your sister, this is very common especially if there are no kids yet just pray to God to open her eyes and give you wisdom to be creative and get an income. I don’t see why you should still continue as though all is normal knowing your husband is now sleeping with you and ur sister. Unless you believe in poligamy but if not get a small project and move away. He will impregnant your little and you will just accept this so your family can be taken care of? Pray about it.

  20. Jozey,

    If they are not married in community of property, they will have a prenuptual contract or ‘prenup’ as it is famously known. Now the prenup sets out the terms and conditions of the marriage. It specifies who is entitled to what. It stipulates what happens in case of death or divorce, infidelity and sometimes even infertility. If you never such a document or you were never informed of such,chances are you are in a civil marriage.
    Civil marriages, are your church weddings and at home weddings. It happens when a Pastor just marries you and you sign on his book without any lawyers. Even those who just go and sign at home affairs with a witness are civil marriages unless it was specified at the home affairs that it was out of community of property. In which case there would have been an agreement/ contract you would have to signed. In SA law, unless stipulated otherwise, all marriage is automatically in community of property.

    In terms of entitlement of your spouses assets. In a civil, customary and religious marriage,: the spouse is entitled to half of each other’s assets. This NOT dependent on whether you have kids or not. It does not matter whether you contributed or not to the accumulation of the said assets. When divorce comes, you get half. If death comes you get all.

    If you don’t know the type of marriage you are in, read your marriage certificate. If you don’t have it, go to the neares home affairs and ask for a reprint. The last time I did in 2012 I paid R27 andazi ke uba sekuyimalini ngoku.

    If you still need further information please email me.

  21. bizana gal you are still very young, what I would advice you ke gore sit your sister down and try to explain to her that what she is doing is not good for you or your husbands relationship, she is still young and might get pregnant from your husband, she might think that she is doing it for the family but she is breaking your trust in pieces, your husband is not going to stop its either he gives your sister a child or its someone else out site.

    Poverty is real people, the lady is not educated but trying to, if I put myself on your sisters position I would also be manupilated into believing that I’m saving the family from poverty by sleeping with my sisters hubby.

    My sister, try to milk the hubby as much as you can, he is your ticket from poverty. Let him put your bro and sis in the best school and let them have a better education that what you have, as for your sister she needs to be very clever in this, she must 1st finish school go to varsity then maybe she might give your husband a baby. Let’s be realistic guys the money needs to stay in the family.

    Good luck and be wise. Nina pelotia.

  22. Ta Da Mike
    Q&A: This advice abt “Community of property” isn’t there a clause in that same law to protect ppl from “gold diggers”.
    Pls note: Im not saying UR a gold digger here. But if yo marriage is “in community of property” U can only claim on “property” that the2 of U have acquired 2getha. So if he bought the house b4 U met, technically they value of yo shares in the house R from the time U got married 2the time of divorce. Besides U will need a very gud lawyer & lawyers = paying money!

    Rather save or “steal” enough money from this bsted 2startup something 4yoself in future while completing yo Matric. U cant change 2adults’ minds. Think like a man Act like a woman! Be smarter than this d*ckhead! – PapaG

  23. Papa G
    Andimthandi umntu ongabuziyo xa into ungayazi.Lento uthetha ngayo is Marriage out of community of property with accrual. With COP you can marry on valentines and divorce on freedom day. You are entitled to 50% of everything. Usisi doesn’t need a lawyer. She needs a divorce court closest to her. The only time she needs a lawyer is if she wants to take everything. 100% . We say ‘taking him to the cleaners’ .

  24. Nelisa and Rodney though in pubilc sies! Why is Nothabo getting angry when siswe is fighting for his daughter, lol this woman is full of drama!

    Thanks Team

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