Realities – Chapter Thirty Four

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We are not white parents no matter how educated we can get as blacks. We can’t drink or party with our children because it’s not the ‘black’ way! We expect our children to learn from us and become mature when in all honesty we give them nothing to work with. Most kids discover life for themselves because for example we pride ourselves “my child is not my friend but my child,” which creates a problem that she will never open up to you nor you to her. You are too busy patting yourself on the back for being called mother that you don’t see that you are isolating your child. Bad decisions come from bad planning and no one does that better than black mothers. Nobody said that raising a child would be easy but really a teenage daughter must come with a manual that allows you to press reset to when she was five so you can start over again. I hated my daughter at this very moment and what’s worse I knew there was nothing I could do to reverse it. What do you do when your child tells you that though? It’s so weird how I was a doctor and discuss sex and babies with young women but when it comes to my daughter it is not that easy! I had a major problem coming my way.

“Why are you sitting down?”

The boy’s mother asked. I had forgotten she was standing there when the message came in.

“My life is over I tell you! I just don’t know any more!”

I said to her looking at my phone! She was confused and told me that much herself.

“You know I never got your name? It’s the second time you are at my house and these kids will give us drama forever!”

I said to her instead of answering her question. I thought she was going to make a retort but she did not. She actually sighed and said I was right. She said he name was Lihle Ngidi and pulled me to my feet. I showed her the message I had just received and she whistled. I know exactly knew why she was doing it.

“I guess this officially makes us inlaws!”

She said. The joke was lost on me but then again she was not lying. Her son had just broken my daughters virginity. Why was I not so angry though? Yes I was weak from it all but I did not feel anger. I was just numb. It’s something I had always put at the back of my mind because it’s something I did not want to think about. As a doctor I know from all of the statistics that over 50% of all teens lose their virginity at this stage. So as a mum it’s something you strongly consider. Maybe it was the way she had said it.

“Do we go look for them?”

I asked her. Clearly her son had been doing these mischievous things longer than I had so she had a head start on me.

“No we don’t. It’s what they want right?”

Was she saying that we must just leave them to do as they pleased! Was that not the worst thing ever? It clearly was. You see as far as I am concerned it’s easier to have a boy child than a girl child. If the girl gets pregnant where does the baby go? Usually no in fact, I have never seen the boy’s mother take that’s girls baby in. Never! It’s on you the mom. That’s why it’s easy for Lihle to say such a thing. She had a son and not a daughter.

“So what do you do in life?”

I asked her. She was she was a Chartered Accountant meaning that her time was often limited.

“My son acts out every time I try dating. A few weeks ago I met this wonderful man. The day he came to visit me at my house my son, Lizwe, took a wire and scratched his car! The man obviously never came back!”

She told me. I asked my husband in to come and introduce him to my new friend. They greeted and made small talk. Turned out they knew the same people. She told me a lot about raising a rebellious teenager and for the first time I appreciated that actually my daughter was not a difficult child. She was seeing flames.

“Ma’am it’s me again. Your daughter is back. With your permission we are going to punish them. She will never forget this day that much I can guarantee you!”

The lady said. I gave her the go ahead. I know I was supposed to be happy that she was back but funny enough I was numb to it. It’s not that I did not care but the way that message had sounded she had been trying to hurt me yet again. I told Lee that they were back meaning she should expect her son home anytime soon. I asked her if she was going to punish him again for this and she was without a doubt. She said her son was trying to be the man of the house, this time she was going to box him. I did not understand what she meant but this woman was really one of those strong independent woman who had their shit together. Never thought I could respect a single woman so much.

“The trick with children when they are younger is them knowing who is boss! However as they get older and physically bigger they challenge that meaning they want to see what you will do next!”

I could not handle this. It simply was too much work. My daughter needed help and I really hope that place would allow me to add a child psychologist to her punishment. This was such a great opportunity as she would not think it was me doing it but them.

Eventually Lihle left. I actually felt sorry for her because being a single mom meant she had to deal with all these things by herself, one woman! At least with me I had my husband to share the burden and the load. I decided not to show him what the sms had said because I know he was going to go ballistic.

“Hey mom I am back in my prison cell. Mother of the year you are for not even replying your own daughter!”

The message read. I was so tempted to respond to her this time and shout at her but I could hear Lihles voice in my head saying I should not respond. It’s what she wanted me to do.

My husband came and asked me what was going on but before I could answer my father called me! Eish, what did he want now. I showed my husband the caller ID and he insisted that I should answer.

It was my father in his smug voice,

“I have found the journalist! My boys have locked him up somewhere! We are going to beat the life out of him if he does not give us the video!”

What the hell?

“No father please don’t harm him please!”

I pleaded with him but I knew it was to no avail.

“We are closing in on Mthobisi as well. Already found his wife and friend Cleo but we have not done anything as yet. No one messes with my family!”

He said and hung up. I tried to call him back but he ignored my call!

He had just made a situation worse!

Lord help me!


*****The End*****




Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)


Dear Mike

I really need your advice. I was one of three children at home but two years ago my brother got sick and died. It devastated my family. Last year I passed my matric with flying colours. Through the Limpopo government I got a scholarship to go study in Australia.

My mother said no. She asked the premier to his face,

“How am I going to see my daughter?”

I swear I cried. She put her foot down. She wouldn’t even allow me to Cape Town because it was too far. I matriculated at 16 years 11 months meaning I am still 17 so cannot do the consent for myself as yet. I am going to lose this opportunity unless I run away. I come from a village community and I can guarantee it that there is not one person from my area who has ever been blessed with such an opportunity. My mother refuses to see the bigger picture and I hate her. Holidays and weekends I don’t come home. I don’t pick up her phones. I can’t believe she said no when I worked so hard for it. Now she is sending my uncles to campus to talk and when I explain to them they say things like,

“The ancestors won’t be able to see you overseas!”

Like what the fuck! I am so angry. What do ancestors have to do with my education and me going to Australia?

How do I change her mind? Please help me because now I am stuck at the University of Venda (true story) when I could have had the best in life, which would have benefited everyone at home.

Thank You







21 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Thirty Four

  1. Nice one mike…ay Linhle mara but good one for not replying on her text mother…soon she will feel isolated and stop acting out ..

  2. Pass with flying colours graduate then get the scholarship any where on the planet for ur honours or mba.

    The glass is half full just redirect your path dear.

    Big up for all the hard work thank u for not being a static.

  3. You don’t have to wait till your postgrad degree… Do get your 80’s and 90’s in first year and then transfer with a scholarship. It won’t get you overseas right away but will get u to the best universities in SA. And from there the world is your oyster

  4. My mother did something similar to me and I didn’t forgive her. I went to do my Masters anyway far from home and I don’t regret. We aren’t close so I don’t miss home or anything. We do talk but when we do its awkward. My dad is a stoic and laid back person and he lets things collapse between me and my mum. It’s my life but wouldn’t wish it on anyone. When your uncle comes show him people from Africa who have done well in Australia and don’t compromise

  5. hae ntate a tje?!?,nna nka mo lahla stru…Priscilla my dear all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called for his purpose, nothing ever happens by mistake. That’s what i always remind myself especially when things dnt go my way. At least you are at varsity getting educated, its not about where you are but who you are,you will still achieve as much as u wud in australia,mayb even more, all i know is being as young as you are in a foreign country, on your own might sound nice but its not very comforting to a parent, especially after going through what she did with your sibling,try to put yourself in her shoes if u can, australia is not next door, would you afford to come home when you need to or want to? would your mom afford to come see you when she needs to or wants to? think about it.

  6. Priscilla…

    The ancestors wont what?! Lmao! That part was funny, but shame your story really isnt.

    Does your mother understand how this could put you in great stead careerwise? I honestly don’t even know what to say. Maybe you need to speak to other elders in your family and explain to them what this could mean for you.

    Another possibility is to approach companies you would want to work for if you don’t intend on starting your own, for their “intervention” in breaking it down to your mother on the chances/opportunities you face with the scholarship you were awarded abroaded, as against the current institution at which you’ve had to succumb to (no shade).

    All the best G. I’m personally rooting for you.


  7. I know I may get attacked for this but lets not lie to ourselves and say that it doesn’t matter where one acquires their degree. At some point it will depend on who is hiring you, a University of Venda graduate might want to higher another university of Venda graduate. But truth be told most people higher graduates that are from universities that are internationally recognized, your WITS, UCT, UP, Stellnbosch and the likes. So girl please don’t give up on your dream of acquiring a degree from a high esteemed university. Just be patient and wait till you are 18 and transfer to the university of your choice, unfortunately though your credits may not be transferred you will have to start from the beginning. You mother has to let you live your dream you cannot not fulfill your dreams because of how everyone feels. You have to make the right and best choices for your own future. Your relationship with your mother will not be the same though.

    And to those posing the question of whether she will be able to visit home or not. As someone who has had relatives study in Australia and I myself have been there. Even a job at McDonalds can actually enable her to buy a ticket to visit. Waiters and the likes are paid very well there. And the study visa allows you to work while you study. I know someone who studied and worked at a restaurant and she managed to put herself through university, pay her rent and everything. NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE, FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS!!!!

  8. dear welcome to my world had same situation was accepted to Rhodes full scholarship then in came my mother luckily I ran to joburg didn’t go to UL, it’s a limpopo parent thing.
    my advice is get your degree but univen isn’t exactly roses what are you even studying there? I know a lot of people who graduated from univen and had to start over their third years when they transferred to other universities but it will b worth it . Do your degree and go do honours somewhere else. scholarships are everywhere in academia once you start postgraduate studies you can go anywhere. don’t worry too much get good grades, graduate and RUN

  9. Priscilla my dear Go!! By all means find a way to get there.

    My mom wouldn’t allow me to go either and gave me all sorts of reasons, luckily for me I was over the age of 18 and I left anyway. I didn’t do it because I was disrespecting my mom but I was disrespecting her unfounded fears and honestly ignorance as well and it was the best thing I could have done for my future.

    Your mom will thank you one day.

  10. Hi Priscilla, first of all congratulations on your success. I am also a South African Citizen born and raised in Umlazi, KZN. I now reside in Australia and would love to chat with on the side. My email is contact me and hopefully I might be able to be of some assistance.

  11. yeah sure Tee I just have to differ with you on that one, while still in high school I used to be told the same thing. therefore I wanted to go study @ UCT. but my mom did the same story as Priscilla didn’t want me to go study far from home. I am working as a Recruitment Officer and I have to tell you that in my company we don’t care where you acquired your qualification but whether you meet the requirement stated on the advert and have the actual qualification, in the workplace what really matters is proving yourself.

    Priscilla my dear I really feel you, at some point I also hated my mom. my dream was to go study @ UCT my mom didn’t give me her blessing as a result I couldn’t go. I studied @ UJ and in my 2nd year things started getting tough and I realised that me not going to UCT was not a mistake. your mom feel she will loose you when you go study far, you know our parents are old fashioned like that. give her time and don’t give up on your dream

  12. Hey Priscilla, your story is very sad and I felt your pain as I was reading your letter, big ups on doing so well. My advice is apply for emancipation, this will mean that you will no longer be a minor and legally will be recognised as a major for purposes of concluding contract, getting married or in your case accepting a bursary overseas, you are between the ages of 7 and 18 meaning that there is a rebuttable presumption that you have the capacity to act in context of the law. This in other words means you are divorcing your mother and they might disown you (your family I mean)

  13. @Priscilla
    I left home when I was 17 when my parents didn’t think I am old enough,I told my Mom I remember that white kids drive cars at the age of 21,own houses b4 25,of course some their parents help them to start,but they(my parents)don’t have those privileges,so I went to from th rural areas to the big city where I looked for the job,got a bursary while at it,studied and the best was the job had a stipend,so I bought a car at 24,which I felt it was late,as for you dear everything in Australia will be paid for,I say go for it,don’t care about the ancestors thing,tomorrow your Mom will thank you for disobeying her,parents would keep you as long as you want them,if it was according to them we would never grow up,you might be from rural areas but dear you will come back with positive results in Australia,God shall go b4 you and with you,He shall never leave you alone,your Mom had a chance to live her life,go Persue yours,she will be fine,am sure you will come home at some point,today I have made life easy for the same woman who was refusing to let me go,she has a big house with 3 bathrooms,with running water,In the rural area…..So dear follow your heart and make it happen,God is with you… 29 planning to go overseas next year….to make my dreams come true,if I had an opportunity like yours I could have taken it and I would be more wealthy in these age of mine,I say go to the premier and renegotiate,trust God to go with you,they shall help you….let not your brother ‘s passing cripple the family further esp you….

  14. Mtho is going to kill someone here, they have who? Does Mathabo’s dad know Mthombisi mara! Hmmm he better have funeral cover, his family will need it #avbob.

    Priscilla I am sorry to hear about your misfortune, often parents think we can’t make sound decision in that they try to live our lives as well as theirs. I won’t say run away from home, as it not safe out there but however, try and transfer your scholarship. All the best.

    Thanks Team

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