Realities – Chapter Forty Two

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Why do men like humiliating us women like this though? When we get older they want to put us out to pasture like old cows. I looked at the girl in the office and she could not be more than 19. How could my father want to bring a child home and want to make a wife out of her? Even Sizwe looked down embarrassed for him, for her and I am sure for me. We had not discussed this on the way here, Sizwe and I, but now that we were here in this moment the disgust in both of us was so evident. She actually looked scared of me and she better be because this one I will kill for real. For now though I had to play nice! She was so simple though. I had expected those yellow bone girls with expensive weaves and too much gloss. She was not like that. She seemed religious and humble but she was well spoken. Yellowbones are destined to be side chicks especially the beautiful ones. They like things and usually use their beauty to get things their way. What I have realized though is that come the alter, not many of them end up on it. I once asked my friend why this is so and he I remember him looking at me and saying,

“Thabo, if you wife is too beautiful or light, at the back of your head something keeps nagging saying the day you fail to provide for her someone else will be waiting in line to do so. It’s not even about doubting yourself, usually women like these have a plan B and all you need do is go through her phone to find it!”

I had called him paranoid and crazy but when you actually look at it, most of these beautiful are not getting married and indeed are with other women’s men. Food for thought! Sibongile did not suit this description at all, it’s the average ones that can get you divorced.

“Papa can I talk to her alone!”

I said to my father. She tensed up but I told her not to worry I was not going to harm her in any way. He agreed and told Sizwe that he wanted to show him his brand new project. My husband I know hated the idea because Sizwe is not really that big on cars but he complied. This was going to be one awkward conversation I won’t lie. I was speaking to my father’s mistress who could be daughters sister the way she was so young. There should be laws against this like in Namibia and Botswana where they don’t allow such.

“So young lady how did you meet my father?”

I asked her. She hesitated at first then said,

“Firstly I am sorry about all this. Things didn’t happen as they seem!”

She said apologizing immediately. Did she have something to hide or something?

“I was walking to town after I had fought with my father. Your father stopped and gave me a lift. He saw that I was unhappy as I was going to drop CV’s. I told him about my friend who had left town as well as my father’s refusal to pay my fees. He took me for lunch and ever since then we started talking. I never seduced your father. I did not even know who he was. He was driving some red little Bantam so it was not even about money. A week later he showed up at my house! I thought my father would kill him but when my father saw who he was he begged him for mercy. That was the first time I knew who he was and even I got scared of him. My father has not hit me or my mother since that day.”

They all have sad stories but she still had not explained what she was doing with my father and what did her friend have to do with it since she left town? She was just a child for heavens sake! What was this man thinking? I know I had promised him that I would come smooth talk my mother for him but looking at her now I just felt bad for her. These young girls are brave, how do you suck the dick of a man so old and feel good. My father had a grandchild three years younger than her.

“I did not want to meet you and did not even want a relationship. I am not the girl guys pick up because I don’t look like them. I know when you saw me it’s what you thought but I don’t blame you, story of my life. Your father started calling me and showing up at my house. I could not say no and for once a man was showing me attention. It was hard to ignore and even then I did not want him. When we first kissed I never thought he would want to wife me. Now he is talking marriage and funny things like that. I want to go to school and study. I am scared if I say no he will kill me!”

Did I hear that correctly? The plot thickens. I have always mentioned that my father is so powerful he even makes grown men crumble. Take Sizwe for example. These young girls don’t understand that once they start dating a powerful man, he has the power to destroy you when things go sour. That’s why some of them are abused and have nowhere to turn when it happens. I could understand her fear because everyone feared him.

“Are you saying you don’t want to marry him?”

I asked relieved but I did not show it.

“Of course not he is old!”

She said surprised I would even ask.

“So why don’t you tell him?”

I asked her!

“Are you crazy? Your father’s reputation you know is legendary. There is nowhere out of this. He is not strict on me but I can feel his temper and control over me. I want to go Wits but I doubt that will happen now!”

She said. I don’t think that last part was meant to come out but because it did she gave me ideas. I was going to help her runaway. This way my dad would blame her and my mother would have her husband back. I heard footsteps and voices. My father was walking back.

“We have given you enough time! Isn’t she just wonderful. I told you that you would love her!”

He said when he saw us talking. This man sees what he wants to see. The girl was terrified of him and he was the only one oblivious to that. I knew I could not tell him the truth because he would then blame me for her “change of heart!”. She had put me in a corner most definitely because now the ball was in my court. I also don’t blame him because by the way she sounded I do not think she had told him about her true feelings.

“I need to take her home she has some things to do. Will see you at the house!”

My father said dismissing my husband and I. This was so odd. As we walked out the girl came to me and hugged me. I wanted to push her away but I just could not. My father grinned happily and I think to him it appeared as though we had bonded. Far from the truth.

“That had to be the most awkward thing I have ever done with my father!”

I said to my husband as soon as we drove out. He still was not talking to me because he kept quiet.

“Please stop the car!”

I said to him annoyed and he ignored me flat!

“Sizwe stop the car! You are not talking to me for God knows what reason! I am not the one who cheated, you did! I am trying to hold things together and you keep making it worse by you stunts!”

I shouted.

“Stop this car!”

I screamed. He refused. Bloody fool! I opened the car door and the car was moving which made him swerve and bring the car to a screeching halt on the side of the road.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

He screamed at me! Oh now he had a voice!

“You are what’s wrong with me! What have I done this time? Did I not speak to you about your issues? Was I not attentive enough when you were talking?”

I asked him angrily. This marriage was headed for a divorce that much I don’t doubt. Everything was not working. Even talking to one another was not working.

“You want things to happen, your way all the time. Even me being here is because you forced it even after I refused to come! Now you act surprised when I react and play the victim!”

He screamed! I know when I am defeated. I know when to play dead.

I got out of the car and decided that walking was better than this!

“Get back in this car right now you crazy women! This is the freeway you can get hit by a car!”

He said snaking the car slowly towards me as I stomped off angrily with tears rolling down my cheeks. I was tired. I was ready for divorce this time I won’t beg a man who doesn’t want me to stay.

“No! Go to Nelisa’s mother! I know my way back to Jhb!”

I screamed, picked up a stone and threw it at the car hitting the window!

“Fuck off!”

He said angrily and sped off!

This was it!

******The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Your stories are amazing sir thank you for sharing.

I have a problem at home. I am the third born in a family of three girls and one boy. My sisters both went to university where they messed up totally. They both got pregnant and didn’t even graduate at that. My parents are both angry about that and now I am being punished for that. I am in matric and my little brother is 16. They won’t give me money to apply to proper universities and have been adamant that I must do UNISA. I don’t want to do UNISA. I also want to attend university like my sisters did. I am not a top student but I work hard and I know will qualify for university.

How do I convince my parents that I am not like my sisters? I am even a virgin if that counts.

Thank You


20 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Forty Two

  1. ThankQ Mike n team great read,,, doc uthanda ukulwa nje that wasn’t necessary maybe u right is tym 4 divorce mxm

  2. Cha kunzima ukuba iyellow bone shame, all this hate and its unfortunate because nobody decides what skin colour they are going to be……. Nothabo being dramatic as usual, it is always about her and never about somebody else. A divorce will suit them best.

    Matric, I don’t blame your parents for feeling the way they do. Both your sisters have disappointed them and its like you will fall into the same curse. It is not fair that you being judged for their actions, your anger should be directed as your sisters who have ruined it for everybody. I think you should go to Unisa (which is a also a good university like any other) for your first year, do well and prove to them that you will be capable of passing in any other institution and maybe next year they will let you go to the university of your choice

  3. Dear Q&A

    You deserve to go to university. You should not pay for your sister’s sins. Try speaking to your parents calmly, tell them that you are still a virgin and they can even take you to the hospital to clarify it. Tell them that they can do virgin tests on you every holiday to prove that you are there to study and not mess around.

    I’m encouraging you to please stay a virgin. I did and only broke my virginity on my wedding night. We were both professionals and virgins. It’s possible and worth the wait.

  4. Thank you mike for the wonderful read, you are indeed talented.
    Matric I dnt blame your parents for not letting you go to university because of your sisters sins, you can do with unisa aker they’ll be able to monitor you ,or you can go to the nearest university whereby you’ll attend while staying at home coz I think that’s their concern. It really wouldn’t be a problem if you stayed at home and not do university res.
    Good luck my dear

  5. It seems the narrative that is being echoed across this blog is that black women CAN’T keep it together. Black women are potrayed as these angry, bitchy, can’t stay committed, need a man, bitter & vile people. We have enough of that portrayal from white owned media. Young black girls will grow up thinking this is the way we are, young black boys will grow up associating black women with drama & would rather be with the more calmer white women. We all have our battles but I know a lot of black women who have been strong through out & are not as dramatic as the women portrayed in your blogs. The women in your stories if they do not love desperately ( Lesedi), then they are very naΓ―ve (Thandeka), if they are not bossy & domineering (Lethabo) then they are pathetic & have this low self-esteem about themselves & always think the world is against them because of their position in life (Faith). Mike its time for a positive narrative about South African black women

  6. Hi Matric

    What you could also do is apply for student finance (NSFAS) at the other varsities & UNISA too. Keep your options open & all the best

  7. I honestly agree with @Thandeka’s comment, I will add something, and then black women are just desperate housewives with little brains(Asthandile), it’s seriously not fair on us, and not all yellow-bones are bimbos hle! πŸ™

    #Sbosh&Nelisa! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ YAY!

  8. I’m really hurt by the stereotype sa ma yellow bone hle, I’m a yellow bone and I’m totally opposite to all this and the annoying thing is I only get hit on by married monied men or men who already have regtes. Help a sister out bathong I want my OWN man phela I’ve been single for 3yrs now but I can’t seem to attract a single man all because they think we yellowbones like things and money πŸ™

  9. Ta Da Mike.

    Q&A: Work hard on yo marks & get other extended family members like an aunt involved who can vouch 4yo course & yo being #ntombi nto. Be practical wth Dad, tell him U will wash his car every wknd if that’s what it takes 4him 2pay 4yo application/registration fees. Be resilient!

    I understand why sistas’ complain abt “stereotyping”. But sistas need 2understand that there’s nothing 2write about “straight up” girls/women or even boys/men 4that matter. They are boring & not worth writing abt.
    Hence factual books sell less. U only buy @school or 4church. Jst lyk “sex” sales in ads/movies/bars/clothes/music etc “stereotyping” sells books. Wud U b reading this blog if it was talking about milking donkeys or a girl who is a gymnastic? I doubt very much. Besides, it wouldn’t go past 10chapters. Jst my 2cents – PapaG

  10. Thanks bra Mike and your team for a good read, keep up the good work

    @Matric the idea of you going to University via Unisa for a year then approach your parents with the results seems good. Once bitten twice shy so try and understand your parents perspective especially considering the sisters disappointment. If you put yourself in their shoes you’ll understand that any reasonable parent under the same circumstances would insist on that path, atleast they are not denying you higher education at all so clearly their intention is not to destroy but build you…goodluck!

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