We woke up early for the drive to Bloemfontein, home of Macufe! I won’t lie it was tense for the first hour as we both barely said a word to one another.
“I am sorry about what happened. It happened only once. You were on call that night and we had had a fight. She came to see her daughter and one thing led to the other. I am sorry about what went down. It was the first and and last time I promise.”
He said as we drove breaking the silence. I had not asked him to confess. I had not threatened him. I kept quiet and looked outside the window as the car drove on the N1 to Bloemfontein. There is not much to see to be honest but I could not look at him. I had cheated too and we were even. He had only confessed because he had gotten caught. I won’t lie, at times when people confess it takes away that edge and anger you have towards them. Now that you know what next. I felt the tears roll down my cheeks. Being an independent woman is hard folks. Other women laugh at you and say how proud and conceited you are for standing up four yourself. They don’t see that as a woman you too can play men at their own game. They will rather be slaves to men, submissive and always victims. They do not see that every tear they shed makes all women as a collective suffer. Where is our pride really as women if we allow our men run over us like this?
“Are you not going to say anything?”
He asked me. I think it had hit him now that confessing on our way to see my father was probably not the best idea. What had he been thinking? Surely he knew that if I told my father he would not come back with me and end up in the ground.
“Baby please say something?”
He said. I did not want to but I knew he would nag the whole way and possibly turn the car around at some point to make me talk.
“Ngiyenzeni Sizwe! What is it you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that no its fine because you were just being a man and all men cheat? Is that what you want to hear?”
I asked him angrily. Maybe he should have let me just cool down a bit before he pushed but now that he had, he had to deal with it.
“No my love that is not what I am saying. I just want you to talk to me?”
He said tensely but trying to be sweet.
“Why would you cheat on me? I have my faults I know but I never expose you to any risk to the marriage?”
I asked him angrily.
“Do you want me to tell you the truth or you want to hear what you want to hear?”
Ok I did not expect that line but I believe I was about to be blamed. Let him be great, speak!
I told him almost daring him with the glare I gave him.
“When last did we have sex? When last did you initiate us having sex? Sex I think it’s four or five months, remember the night after we got the tender and we got drunk celebrating. Imagine we had to get drunk and even then, that occasion was probably three months after our last time!”
He said. It was true what he was saying we never had sex because one, I don’t really like it but I know it must be done, two I am always tired or busy and in my defense usually so is he and three, we do the same things all the time! I have told him this before and he does not change his ways. He wants to get me horny by rubbing me then he sticks it in, pumps in and out a few times and when he is satisfied we are done! I am not even asking for romantic sex but come on now, who would look forward to such mechanical sex. Not me! I askedd him all this and he went quiet first before he said,
“Then maybe we should go to a sex therapist if that’s the problem?”
He laughed sarcastically and said,
“Oh no, your pride won’t allow the mighty Dr. Makgofa scoop so low to see a therapist! What will other people think when they find out? Her reputation will be ruined and she might lose her license!”
He mocked. For someone seeking an apology he was doing a piss poor job of it. In fact he was making it seem as though I was proud and too conceited to even consider it.
“So what happened last night if you say I never initiate! I had force you and cajole you into doing it. We are never naughty and I was trying to bring some kink into it!”
I retorted angrily!
“You know I have been thinking about that not that I am ungrateful!”
Tja when he uses the word “grateful” for sex with wife makes me feel kind of bad. It’s like I am rewarding him for something.
“You already knew I had cheated, which again I am truly sorry for, but for you to come and then not only want to have sex with me but fuck me like we were still 17 in your father’s taxi, it’s very unlike you!”
I thought he was about to accuse me of something so I cut him off,
“Yes it’s because I was horny!”
I jumped in.
“You haven’t been horny without wine in years and you know it!”
He said and it was true. It made me want to reflect and he had a point to some extent. When you are married as a woman sex is usually the last thing on your mind. Men on the other hand because they are more active than us get exposed to it when they go out especially with these young girls nowadays who throw themselves at married men.
“It’s your job to make me horny!”
I said weakly but that was a pathetic reason. I had run out of arguments because we started the conversation on the point that he had been caught cheating and now he was changing the topic.
“It’s not my job only. I keep fit, I have no mkhaba at my age, I still look good I believe. I am home early often. I try take you out and you refuse. You hide behind Lintle all the time. You ask Ngiyenzeni like you don’t know your part? We are in this together but seemingly you have forgotten that part of your vows. Even that crazy pastor at our wedding told us sex is important but we never take such things seriously because as a woman you say… its just sex!”
He said and before I could answer he continued,
“Well for men sex in not just sex! We want it as often as we can get it! We are slaves to it and what I did was in no way correct nor a justification and again I am sorry – but – for a man who has kept his dick in his pants all these years I have done well. Most men don’t even bother to try keep inside and you know it!”
I had been set up. The time I went to bed my husband had stayed up thinking about all these things. When the story came up he was therefore prepared for any response I could have had. He was right though on one point, as women we never fully appreciate how important sex to a man is. We will rather call them dogs, cheats, loose and other names when they keep looking for more. We expect them to have the same sex drive we have but let’s be honest to one another, are we really always that horny? I don’t think so! If we were then we would orgasm easily.
“Do you remember that we used to have lots of fantasies? Things we wanted to do together? What happened to all that? We had dreams but now when you look at us we are just staying under one roof but we are more like strangers!”
He asked me again. What’s with all the questions though? He was killing me with them they are too many! I didn’t realize it then but later on I would, he had cornered me and had me where he really wanted. He had cheated and I was the one that unwittingly made him do it. This is something women can never ever accept, that we contributed to him cheating? Hell no! Even if we shut our legs for ten years, if he then cheats it’s all his fault because Vele he is a dog!
“We are driving in now?”
I said as we entered the last toll gate. I didn’t realize that we had spoken for three hours. How fast had he been driving?
“Do you want to continue this conversation or are we done?”
I asked him. He did not respond. What now? My phone rang and it was my father.
“Where are you?”
He asked me angrily. It’s not that he was angry but that’s how my father speaks. It’s always as though someone is chasing him or you are delaying him!
“We have just entered, where are you?”
He explained that he was at his taxi garage I must come there because the girl was already there! He really was serious about this. I told my husband where to take us and still he did not say anything. Had I said something to make him angry.
When we got to the garage, there were a few taxis being fixed. I went straight to the office and there was the man himself, my father! I know he is mean and stern on the phone but when he saw me he jumped up and came to hug me. He greeted Sizwe cheerfully. I don’t know if it was just for show but he was genuinely happy to see her.
“Come meet my little angel.”
He said ushering us towards a slightly dark but and not too chubby girl who was sitting in the corner!
“Come love, come introduce yourself to my Dr. Daughter!”
He said with pride. I was disgusted. My step mother was going to be probably the same age as Nelisa and even young as she was my mother was prettier and am not being petty.
“Dumelang! My name is Sibongile…”
She said and I cut her short and said,
“And let me guess, your friends call you Sbosh!”
She seemed stunned by that response!
No way in hell was I going to allow this to happen!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
I once read a letter on your blog where some woman was sleeping with her boss to save her job. I am in that situation. I made a huge blunder at work that cost my company hundreds of thousands of rands. My boss, the owner of the company did not fire me but instead moved me offices to one next to his. He argued that I should never been given that account in the first place as I was not well trained yet. Had it gone on my CV I have no doubt I would have been ruined. This was in March. Three weeks ago he hit on me. He is a 57 year old white man and I am 24. I could not say no because that mistake haunts me. Now we have sex in the office everyday imagine! I have a boyfriend at home who has already sent magadi. Saying this now I am so ashamed. My boss has never brought up my mistake, ever. I feel like I said yes to compensate for costing his company. This month he says he wants to give me money to pay part of the student loans I still owe. I am tempted to say yes. I don’t have an engagement ring yet but my boyfriend says early August I should be wearing one. I haven’t told my boss about my boyfriend yet.
I don’t know what to do. I know I did a bad thing but with him now offering to help with my loans which would have taken two years for me to get rid off, I am stuck.