Rumblings – Chapter Seventy Four

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

I think it’s a fact, every parent wants their child to end up with a successful man. I know most girls my age and possibly single mothers believe that they don’t need men so why bother wanting one but in all honesty, even them tend to look for a man who is more successful than them. That’s why I call us women hypocrites. There are very few of us who are willing to be with a man who earns less than us and at times a man with no ambition. There is a wrong misguided assumption that women only compete on fashion but in all honesty cars, bank accounts and the size of my house counts too as success. We tell each other that we are not gold diggers when honesty is, if a man cannot spoil you and give you a comfortable then he simply does not deserve you. Nowadays the clever ones talk about the economy and expense of things when they want to argue why you should look for a successful man or one with an upward trajectory. In my head, when my mother heard that her new son in law was working for Pick n Pay her immediate thought was teller and it was stuck there. Even me when I think of any of these supermarkets there is nothing else I can think of as a job.

“Are you sure she is my daughter. Everything I do for her is not good enough. She wants my support when she constantly does things that no mother can support! Ngyenzeni baba!”

She said looking to the heavens for answers because I for one did not have them for her. Her favorite daughter fucking up was nothing new to me but I felt on this one she was being a bit harsh.

“Mum are you not being a bit harsh though? Should she marry a man because of money or because of love!”

My mother looked at me funny and for a moment there I thought she was going to snap but she didn’t.

“It’s not even about money. Your sister is lazy and a slob. She can barely take care of herself now imagine her taking care of a man and house!”

She said in an open ended question. Another touchy subject, why does a man need taking care of. He is a grown ass man. Maybe I am young and don’t understand these things but for me a man is not a child. It’s when you treat him like one that he behaves like one. Yes I will cook for my husband but for him to expect me to come home after work tired and stand in the kitchen whilst he is watching the news then he has another thing coming! It’s not about equal rights but simple common sense that all these things as women we used to do for our men and what thank you did we get, abuse, cheating, neglect and no love in return! I was barely 23 and already I had experienced what this thing called a man really is what about our mothers. No thank you!

“Mum there are things that a man can do on his own without needing a woman. It’s not like she will be his servant!”

I was right too! I reminded her of how she had single handedly raised us and how well we had turned out. She was so annoyed by the last part and said we could have turn out better considerring one child was a deliquent and other had a fatherless baby. Ouch! That hurt. I stood up immediately and I left her alone. My mother I have always said has a sharp tongue. That was so unnecessary and uncalled for. How dare she? She was right though! We had failed her. I know us single mothers, here I mean the ones coming out of university or unemployed really messed up. We love our babies and our parents love our babies too but they had higher expectations of us but we thought we knew better. We can blame the guy who abandoned us without marrying us but in this case the only one to blame to us. Every single girl I know knows at least two girls who are single mothers because their boyfriends ran away when she got pregnant or gave birth. We all know of men who do not pay maintenance and we all know how hard it is to get a job. Yes we can blame everybody else but reality is, the truth hurts and it’s right in front of us. At least for now I had a job. Thank heavens. I was still angry at her though for telling the truth the way she had. Some things are not to be said.

I think she saw she had hurt me because she followed me to my room. She said nothing and picked up Amo then took him to her room doing all this baby talk. This was the woman who gave birth to me, educated me, gave me shelter and was now feeding my child. I could be angry at her all I want but I loved her regardless.

When she left my room my sister entered. She looked angry.

“What’s wrong?”

“You are the one who told mum about the condom because you were also angry at me that day!”

Really Judith! This girl loved dramab now she was blaming me. How deep is that?

“It was not me. I would not do that to you. We have our fights you know that but I never run to mum!”

I reminded her.

“But how could she find it so hidden? It’s like she knew where to look!”

She was right though my mother had found it too easily. Deep stuff. If it had happened to me I would not believe myself either! Talk about bad luck.

“So what are you going to do about Kagiso?”

I asked her. Without hesitation she said,

“I am marrying him!”

She loved this guy. I had never actually shown so much interest in this guy so maybe now was as good a time as any to ask about him.

“Where does he stay?”

I asked her. She looked at me blamkly and said she had never been to his place. They always went to his friends house who he was house sitting for as the friend was working on a mine in Komatieport. She had a clear story but for me that rose alarm bells.

“Judith you have only been dating this guy for a few months and already you want to marry him. Now you saying you don’t even know where he stays? Can you hear how wrong that sounds?”

I asked her. Shetold me she had thought about too but that does not mean it would stop her loving him. I asked her what if he was married that’s why he could not take her home. That question really annoyed her.

“You really are on moms side neh? You just looking for negatives.”

My sister had a problem, she was stubborn and one of those girls that believed in her own decisions no matter how bad they were! I wanted to go to bed now. I told her we will talk in the morning but she said she might not be there. She was going to move in with Kagiso because mom was not her side. I told her not to be that stupid.

My phone rang. It was Mudenda.

“What do you want?”

I asked him very coldly! When it comes to these lazy ass baby daddies never leave room for sentiment!

“Thank you for not pressing charges against me. I am not this bad person I am now looking out to be. Meladi’s father has asked Meladi to move home because he says I must first see a psychologist because now he too thinks I could be abusive. You have really ruined my life!”

He said very calmly.

“I just want you to pay maintenance for Amo that’s it. All these other stories are between your fiance and you! Shap!”

And I hung up!

The smile on the my face though, I could not help it!

*****The End******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Six years ago when I was 16 I was raped by my neighbour. He was 37 at the time. He was arrested and went to jail for it. Everyone on my street blamed me because at that time I was a rebellious teen and very naughty. He was the church type and I don’t know what got into him. He was married and had two kids. He was also a teacher. He was sentenced to eight years. Three days ago he was stabbed and killed in prison. I can’t help but feel responsible. People are still talking about it like I brought it on me. His wife who stayed loyal to him all these years and for a full 4 and a half years never said a single word to me, yesterday asked me if I was happy now that he is dead. I don’t blame her and that’s what scares me. In my teens I used to sleep around and at some point I tried to seduce her husband for money. I was 15 at that time. He was alone and I went to his house. I took off my clothes and asked him how much he would give me for sex. He took me to my house and my dad whooped me. The day he raped me I had gone to his house for help with my homework (he is my neighbor so all kids in the street did homework there for free). I was the last to finish. He reminded of that time I was 14. I told him I was over him. He then raped me. My mother is the one who took me to hospital and police. He denied it but they proved violent penetration as I was bleeding. The community which obviously knew what I did when I was 14 stood by him but the magistrate did not. I also don’t blame them because the kids on my street used to do well at school because of him. Now he is dead.

I don’t know how to feel because I am still numb to what happened. Sometimes I blame myself for everything and am not sure if I am right. Should I go pay my respects or go into hiding because people are angry.

Please advise






24 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter Seventy Four

  1. Q&A u ddnt do anythn wrong he raped u , u were jst a teenage u ddnt knw wt u were doing .No means no he ddnt hv a ryt stop blaming urself nd ppl will always tok shit if they nt in ur shoes they wil understand only whn it happen to them or their kids.Be strong swtheart!

  2. Thank you Mike. I now can’t wait reading the letter tomorrow. @Thabazimbi I’m sorry to what happened to you six years ago but you can’t blame yourself for being raped him, you and God knows the truth and I hope you are now taking care of yourself because sleeping around is not healthy.

  3. QnA “pay respect for what again”? when a person commits a crime they know the risk they are taking n know very well that prison is not a holiday they might pay double for what they did. You are not responsible for his death he is. Even if you were a promiscuous teen, Nobody had the right to violate u like that. There was evidence that proved what he did was not consented by you so to hell with that don community. They can go jump. You sound like you don’t believe what he did was wrong tho. You need to talk to someone dear.
    I’m sorry that 6 years later you still have to deal with such issues..You should b on ur way to recovery, not doubting yourself n Blaming Yourself.
    I hope you find closure some day n manage to heal from this.

  4. Thank you Mike 🙂
    Q2A I’m sorry for how you are feeling and being treated by your surroundings, hope you have changed your older ways, if you have, then I suggest that you forgive yourself first, that’s key! You need to understand that the man who raped you was the one on the wrong, he was an adult, it was his responsibility to do the right thing and behave as a family man and also a man of God, I’m not saying what you did was right, but he never took it (sex) when you gave it to him, instead he decided to take it against your will on a different day.

    If I was a member of your community, I’d also think you did (seduce) it again, that’s why I say forgive yourself, do not blame yourself, and ask forgiveness and strength from God.

  5. Dear Q&A please don’t blame urself it’s not like he was arrested under false accusations n he got stabbed for something he might have done….it is not ur fault n it never will be…..those who are blaming you are just in pain n shifting the blame

  6. Qna if possible, can you give your number to Mike to give to me. I want to arrange support and counselling for you. You need it and as for the community, oh well, they can go jump because deep down they know that what he did is wrong but for their own selfish reasons will not admit it. We are here for you

  7. Dear Thabazimbi

    This is very deep girl. I vote that you keep on a down low, the wife of this guy might want to cause harm to you now that her husband is late.

    Please seek proffessional help as at the end of the day the events that took place that day you were raped where not your fault. What you did in what you were 14 years gave him no right to violet you two years later. Make peace with yourself sister and set yourself free.

  8. Thabazimbi… Firstly you really need to forgive yourself. Yes as a teenager you were promiscuous and you tried to score some moolah by offering sex to this guy, which he rejected you . That was a very responsible response from his side. but to later rape you was stupid and ignorant of him. Did he really think because yo had offered sex you would keep quiet about him violating you. Did he really expect you to sit at home and wallow in thoughts that he deserved to be raped just because you once offered yourself to him. So no my dear you are not to blame for his death and if you feel like you dont want to go to his funeral then I suggest you don’t!

    Pray to God that He may assist to forgive yourself and that you may stop blaming yourself!!

  9. Dear Thabazimbi.
    It is not your fault that you got raped. If its any consolation my sister was also raped a couple of weeks ago. You know what they told her when they did it? “Ska wara sister, you’re not the first and ebile oka sebe wa mafello.” I know it sounds harsh considering you did not bring it unto yourself. What I’m trying to say is forgive yourself for your past, learn to move on. Society will never be satisfied so ignore them. You cant put your life on hold and live in fear because your community don’t know the difference between right and wrong.

    Good luck

  10. Thanks bra Mike. My dear please pray and get help, ignore all the negative people and concentrate on you studies. Talk to your mom and family don’t bottle things up you will see everything will be fine. Don’t give up hope. God Bless!

  11. Awesome read as always,thank you.

    Angel you need to forgive yourself. Definately not for that man paying for his sins but for what happened when you “seduced“ him, at that age you were young.The rest of what he does and what happens is none of your business. Don’t hide, walk tall, you did the right thing. Men who rape girls are filthy and God has his ways

  12. Thanks for the read Mike even thou I was expecting realities for today. Q & A babygirl its not your fault that he has been stabbed. In the first place prisoners don’t stab each other for no reason, what ha he done why did he get stabbed. As for the people in your street don’t pay attention to what they say cause even if you were a prostitute or whatever it still didn’t give him the right to rape you. He took advantage of what you did before thinking that your parents won’t believe he had rape you. Does his wife know that you’ve saved other kids from being raped by her rapist husband. Don’t feel ashamed for letting him get arrested I just wish that they raped him before they stabbed him. He deserved to be in prison, its not your fault he got stabbed to death. It’s not like they stabbed him for you.

  13. Thanks Mikeesto, daily dose. Attention is on tomorrow now.

    Ntab’ezimbi, you sound way too deep into this pity party of the homicide of this convicted rapist, and it sure is a pity. I don’t care if you were a born again, kasi slut or prostitute, you DIDN’T deserve to be raped. It wasn’t your fault. if you ask me, I say this stabbing came a few years later than it was due anyway. Karma is the mother of all b*tches after all. Whether or not he was helpful to the neighbourhood, that couldve played a part in his light 8year sentence, but Saints don’t rape, and that man was no saint.

    If you go by the rule of life, the belief that each person has a predetermined death date, this guy’s number was up, inside of jail or out. Don’t beat yourself up about it sisi, you are 21 and should be looking forward to the rest of your life. Don’t go to that funeral, if you do, you would be implying that his conviction was wrong and him raping you was acceptable. He is gone, continue with your life and everything else that arises, let God deal with it.


  14. Thank you Mike.

    Every parent wants the best for their children, I don’t blame faith`s mother for being the way she is.

    As for judith, heaven knows why she is the way she is.

    All the best Mike and thank you again.

  15. QnA u knw why I think? I think u were not da 1st one he raped. ND whateva happened to him he deserved it. And don’t worry bout da wife she has no right blamin u. Oh nd plz stay away frm da funeral u dnt want everybody whisperin behind your bck. Its done cc b strong nd move on

  16. Q&A. Dear u did nothing wrong. It is because of society like this that man wont stop abusing and raping women and children. Your community should be supporting you instead of a monster who prey on young girls. Our today society nolonger have ubuntu. He was an adult and u were a child. That man deserved to be punished for what he did to you finish and clare

  17. Being raped is every painful and no Women should go through that.our Society is damanged because people are sugar-coating the truth,you were 14 and i doubt that you were hungry when you went and stripped for that old man.I wonder what were you expecting from him as a 14year old girl.I feel for you that he raped you but if you had’ng planted the seed into the old man’s head Most of the things would have been prevented….pray to God for your life and that man’s Family.

  18. We will never know the truth its possible that the guilt comes from the fact that it might not have been actually rape in the first place.

  19. Why do parents always assume they know the best for their children, hai maybe I should wait until I am a mom 1st neh. Anyways thanks Mike and the Team

  20. Q&A- I don’t think he deserve ur respect ryt now. The idiot raped you and he deserved to be in jail. Un4tunatly he is no more but that concerns u not. Do urself a favoir, 4gve urself 4 adolecence mistakes, 4gve everyone 4 being judgemental and also release him from your life plan. Enjoy ur life and remember you don’t owe any1 anything. All the best

  21. Hey family….advise ur friends and family that are unemployed to register and send cv on the statistics SA HR database. The CS is coming and they need field workers, data captures, data processors, supevisors etc.

    Preferably unemployed people. Must have matric

    Visit…... closing date 31 July 2015

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