Rumblings – Chapter Seventy Five

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

If you are a mother you will know that the most precious thing that even money can’t buy is your child. You love her with everything that you have and will die for him if need be. There is something so deep between the bond of a mother and child that all men can never actually fully comprehend. Its not just about the nine months that we carried him in the stomach but also every beautiful and painful second it took us to raise that child. It’s more than the the 13hour labour we went through but also the constant worry of what my child will eat, wear, drink and sleep. It’s a whole lot of things and unless you have ever had a child then you will never ever have known what the truest of love is. Now with that said, to lose a child is the ultimate. I don’t mean in death, I mean to know someone took your child away from you. That is the scariest thought ever and it was happening to me right this moment!

“She is with my sister!”
I told myself as I was actually starting to hyper ventilate. I was already pacing back and forth to the door to look outside the window hoping to see the car drive back in but none of that.

“She is with my sister, everything is fine! Don’t panic Faith, don’t panic!”

I told myself as I walked to my phone very quickly. I called her again and her phone did not ring. I called my mother and she picked up,

“I am on my way already I managed to leave early so that I can come and help you prepare for tonight!”

She said immediately without giving me a chance, she could hear me breathing heavily I think because she asked,

“Faith what’s wrong?”

I tried to remain calm but it was not working.

“Judith is gone mom! She packed everything and left…”

I did not finish because she cut me off and said,

“She will be back! She always comes back right!”

She reassured me or herself,

“No mom! She took Amo with her. She packed his clothes too!”


Then shock!

“She did what?”

My mother asked in what was almost a scream.

“That stupid girl!”

My mother swore on the phone.

“She took my baby mom! She took my baby!”

Now I was crying. I had tried to compose myself because of the comfort that she was with my sister. Judith loved Amo I have always said and possibly it was the only person I had seen her love the most. Was it my fault though? That morning she did not want Amo, I had forced her to keep him when I went to the shops. She had refused and only when I said I will take the car had she been forced to stay with him. This was still kidnapping though!

“Don’t do anything am on my way home right now?”

My mother said. I could also hear the fear in her voice. Calling the police would lend her in jail and ruin the rest of her life and after the last few days I had had calling the police on my sister was the last thing I had. I am certain they now all knew my drama, now this!

I had to do something. I thought of putting clothes in the laundry machine just to keep me busy till my mother got here but I remembered the machine was not working. I went to the kitchen to finish with the food but I was not thinking straight. I don’t know who my mothers guests were but they will have to relax and chill. I am sure when we told them why they would understand. Maybe my mother should cancel her plan because obviously this took priority. I decided to call Zama of all people. I did not have drama with her and I did not want to over stress on what was on my mind. She was happy to hear from me and she said she wanted me to help her with her wedding plans. Zama was my age and she was getting married! How deep is that?

“I would not even know when to start! Do you know that you are the first friend I have to get married?”

I told her. Which was true. I was not a fan of getting married too young because I have always felt that gives you more time to fuck it up as you not fully mature yet. This did not mean I did not support her! Hell no! I was excited for her and her hubby. I knew him and he was a stand up guy.

“Is there something wrong, you sound funny!”

Sje said. I think she could hear that my voice was not it’s usual self and with good reason. I decided against telling her though because it would seem like I come from that Jerry Springer show with a dysfunctional family. She asked me when last I had spoken to Mudenda. She just had to do that. You know how if you are a baby mama out of university your friends will always ask you about him, your baby daddy, because they too knew him. I brushed it off and told her we were not in touch which was a lie. I was not to explain all the recent drama that I had experienced by his hand. Lest you forget, she too had slept with Mudenda but for some reason I don’t know what I had forgiven her. Eish Mudenda, if he found out I lost my baby he would say I was a bad mother!

It was Judith!

I ran outside into the driveway as she parked the car and opened the car door whilst the car was still in motion. She pressed the brakes and yelled,

“What are you doing?”

She came out of the car immediately and stood next to me. I think the look of shock on her face told a story I should have noticed but I had not. She opened the door for me and immediately I grabbed my child from the back seat of the car.

My mother walked out at the same time as me and she punched my sister so hard she fell. Who cares that we had guests coming?

“How dare you kidnap Amo? How dare you? You are shameless!”

My mother yelled at her. My sister looked scared and shocked. She was bleeding from her nose!

“I didn’t. I had to go do laundry at the mart because the washing machine is broken and all his clothes and mine were dirty. I tried to wait for Faith when she went to the shops but she took so long!”

She cried. She was actually weeping and it was a sad sight,

“So why didn’t you call?”

My mother asked and choking on her tears she said,

“I left you both a missed call on a different phone saying my battery is flat. I borrowed from someone!”

She turned and looked at me,

“How could you even think I would ever do that to you?”

She asked as she stood and open the car boot then just walked inside. Inside it were neatly folded clothes, including Amo’s formula.

We were wrong!

At that very moment my mothers guests arrived.

It was my uncle and.a man I think I had only met once before,

My father!

We had not finished cooking!

*****The End****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Thank you for reading my letters.

I am a young lady 23 years of age. A year ago I was diagnosed HIV positive. I was doing a random test at university and had no worry in the world when I got the news. Needless to say I was terrified. I told no one and stayed single. I am not South African by the way. In my country there is a lot judgment. My friends whenever the HIV topic comes up they are mean and brutal about their views on it. For this reason I have never come out to them. I am not on ARVs as I have a high CD4 count meaning I am as healthy as can be in my condition. I check up with my doctor every month. The irony is all the doctors I have seen since I got diagnosed have tried to sleep with me. Is it even normal? I even dated one of them. I am writing this letter to ask you to get me a female who is also HIV positive that I can talk to. South Africans are more open minded and I have so many things to discuss and let loose. Please if any of you are willing can you give Mike your email address or number for whatsapp. Mike please attach your email address I am sure people trust your discretion.

Thank You


64 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter Seventy Five

  1. Thanks Mike, great read as always.

    Michelle I was diagnosed with HIV in 2008 (7 years ago) and to this day Im still healthy and still not on ARV’s. Mike can give you my email add if u wanna chat, or maybe if we get more people willing to share we can form an online support group.

    All the best dear otherwise you have nothing to stress about, just try keep healthy and yes talking about it helps a lot.

  2. i was also diagnosed HIV+ at the age of 21 im 26 nw and im still healthy evn though i hv already started my ART,i lyk zaza’s idea we cn start a group on whatsapp mike will gv u my e-mail tnx

  3. i told my sister who doesn’t read this diary about the group she is also positive. .she also wants to join the group. .hope mike gives u my email also

  4. Hi everyone. First n foremost, thanks for the great books Mike. Please give my email address to Michelle as well. I was diagnosed last year at the age of 25.

  5. Wow thank you and you never disappoint
    Q&A: Yes I am not HIV but I would love to know more about HIV because I might be not infected but somehow, somewhere affected. I would love to be part of discussion please because I don’t believe that I have to be infected for me to understand how does it feels to be HIV and I always says it’s nor the end of life but just the beginning

  6. Thanx Mike great read as always!!!

    Happy Birthday to ME!!

    Great idea ZaZa n to QNA for the positive attitude and all the best stay strong.

  7. I am not passing judgement and I hope this doesn’t come out as me judging, but reading the comments, it’s scary how so many of you were diagnosed at a young age. I’m a 26 year old who has been celibate for a lil over a year now. Before I gave birth in April I did the usual HIV test when pregnant and again I was negative. I’m interested to know from all the HIV positive people, besides abstaining what advice would you give those who are negative?

    1. I take it you clearly had sex with your child’s father using a condom. My natural assumption is you fell pregnant at 24 meaning you are the same age group as the people that were diagnosed positive at the age of 21. 80% of women across the world have already had sex. I honestly feel ukuthi you aren’t judging but showing a high level of ignorance

  8. An HIV diagnosis is not a death sentence. With modern ART people living with HIV can live a normal life. U can still marry the man of your dreams and still have those children that you dream of having 1 day.
    It sounds like you are well inforned about your condition & that is the 1st step in managing it. Educate yourself about HIV as much as possible.
    It is sad that the Drs would want to date their patient. That goes against our practice but then you would be 2 consenting adults if it comes to dating 1. The fact that they asking you out shows that an HIV+ status does not mean you should stay single. You just need to find a man who is understanding.
    I think forming an HIV support group is a good idea. Because someone is HIV+ does not make them an expert on HIV/AIDS. If you decide to form such a group please make sure you have a professional (counsellor or healthcare provider) to provide some assistance & clarity when you need it.
    You can whatsapp me on 0724213484 if you got questions or need an informed stranger to talk to. I am a Medical Dr. Mike & I were in the same res in varsity.

  9. Thanx Mike……….Michelle I’m 24 and also HIV + email me if u wanna talk Mike plz give her my email address…………if there’s a group I would also love to join plz

  10. Been living with the HI virus for 16 years now, have 2 beautiful girls 10 and 4 both HIV negative and their father is also negative been with him for 12 years,Im not on ART as yet still have a good CD4 count viral load very low (undetected for the past 10 years).
    When I was diagnosed I was only 16 and then I thought my life was over I never thought I would live to see 21 and at 21 I never thought I would live to see 30! but hey!! Im looking forward to my 40th birthday in 8 years time and my retirement age and I have actually started planning my retirement because I know that Im not going to die of AIDS and its opportunistic infections maybe something else but not AIDS!!!

  11. Hi Mike, thanks for the read. Michelle I’m 25 I was diagnosed last year. and I’m so happy with how everyone is responding to this email. Mike please form the group for us and we will take it from there. I’m really keen on joining the group. Thanks for the support to everyone whose commenting positively to this letter, I’m sure Michelle doesn’t feel lonely after all.

  12. Wow big ups to u ladies.Michelle that’s a good idea honey for forming this group.I’m telling u life s gonna b soooooo perfect.U go ladies n I call this positivity.
    Happy birthday Dipuo n many happy returns.
    Mike my brada with this blogs n this letters,u going somewhere bout life.Keep up the good wrk n keep changing lives.Lol….I’m a silent reader lately cos of wrk eish.

  13. Hi Michelle

    Your bravery to live a positive life is inspiring. Even more so, the support from all the young people who’ve come forth.

    I’m not positive and might not have much to add, but it’s true that HIV affects most of us, as we all know someone who is. I have an aunt who’s been positive for over 15 years now. She doesn’t necessarily live a healthy lifestyle; but you on the other hand sound like someone who does, so you’ve got a long life ahead of you.

    Sorry about your ordeal encountered because of dr’s who have no ethics and also ignorant people. I also trust that you’ll make informed decisions should you pursue any relationship.

    All the best girl.

  14. I would love to be part of the group aswell. I was diagnosed last year and I also managed to disclose it to my family. Kindly send my email address to her please.

  15. I was diagnosed 3 yrs ago and find that chatting to people who are in the same boat really helps. I would luv to join the group, please add my email address as well.

  16. Yoh I just can’t believe it, what’s happening to US “YOUTH” could it be that we careless or we just unfortunate???almost all the comments iv read “we” were all diagnosed at an early age,I mean why should we allow ourselves to be exposed to the viras like that, yes being hiv positive is not a death sentence but really now , for Gods sakes we still too young to be infected like we are, NO guys. Would it really hurt to use protection???surely 99.9 percent of us got from having unprotected sex not because we were somehow involved in an accident n then we contracted it, I mean how will we stand tomorrow with pride and teach our beloved sisters, brothers and kids about LIFE??? Wen it seems like we all infected??? Seriously we must start taking precautions , we must take charge and that starts by living a healthy life,di kae di boyfriends tje di re infectileng ??? Some are nowher to be found and some of us don’t even know who infected us. Am not writting coz am judgemental but because I am very concerned and all these comments really disturbed me, those that iv offended please bear with me.

    1. Really Rose! Really!!…I can’t believe there are people who still think like you, you don’t know how they got infected so please don’t judge.. you say you’re not being judgemental i’m sorry but I feely you are. Your comment really disturbs me!!

  17. Guys if u don’t mind I would like to be in the group and guys knoow that anyone can get the virus it doesn’t choose sometimes u will think u extra careful n get the shock of ure life n know that its not a death sentence. We stil live n God knows his time 0766064242

  18. Dear Rose@randfontein

    Nobody clarified HOW they got infected. Some of us were raped, some of us were shown fake tests, some of us trusted our partners after years of – results & got comfortable while they fetched it from their side chicks…etc

    The only reason it’s so high in the youth is because the disease only came to be & gained momentum in our era!! Comments such as the 1 you made are what makes people fear being judged, because you assumed without asking for the HOW.

    What is happening on this blog is a paradigm shift & Michelle, I personally thank you for your bravery -Mike, please give her my email as well.

  19. Hi. Im not + bt am a nurse who has worked in the hiv department for 7years now. Have seen it all am also a counsellor. U can get in touch

  20. This is very admirable, my uncle died of HIV/AIDs in 2006 or something, what i am trying to say is that, AIDS affects us all whether we like it or not and although I am negative, I would like to be in the group too, so to adequately teach my nephews and nieces most importantly to gain more knowledge on the issue. To fellow brother and sisters infected with the disease, I thank you all for the step you just took and thank you Michelle for being so brave, it is because of your bravery that many of us will learn and stop being ignorant.

    Mike thank you and your team for bringing strangers together through your blog. We are now a FAMILY

    Love you guys.

  21. Thank u Michelle, Im also postive since 2011,I was 21 then, woluld like to join the group, Mike please forward my details

  22. Yho thank u @Vuyo, people like Vee are ignorant. Not everyone who is HIV positive got it from sleeping around or not being careful. You have a child meaning you had sex without a condom, what would have happened had u found out when testing that u were hiv+. I mean you are careful but u cannot be 100 percent sure that baby daddy is faithful. I have a married friend who got diagnosed 3 years ago. And all because she thought she was safe with her man. And he says he just tried his luck at work with a woman he works with and guess what? That woman didn’t know she was positive too… please stop throwing stones just because you got lucky ones or twice. Support people and stop saying “your age group this…”

  23. Please add me also on the group,I’m a registered nurse and working with hiv +people on daily basis, I might not have answers to some of your questions but my support.

    To those who are negative don’t relax to much as long as you have a partner and you are not practicing safe see. No one got hiv by choice, today is her tomorrow is you.

    Hiv doesn’t kill but ignorance does. God loves us all,big up to all who knows their statuses either negative or positive . I salute you all

  24. Hi Michelle
    Thats a very great idea that you have there…..i am in support of this group. Im not positive but it does not make me any special than you are dear.
    I would love to be in this group, i have 2 close friends who are positive and this platform will help me understand and support them and all the other members who will be/are in the group.

    Mike please add my email as well.

    Great work Mike

  25. I feel like this “mike give her my email address wont work” why don’t u email mike ur numbers so he can email them to Michelle. .or text the doctor who voluntarily published his number so he can help create the group. .m just saying..just an idea

  26. I normally don’t comment as am always reading in a hurry but either way I admire buti Mike s work so much. To Q&A… My mom was diagnosed in 2005 with HIV and she is still as healthy as one can be. I’d like to learn more about the virus but one thing for sure it’s very natural for me that I sometimes forget that my mom is living with it. Please add me as well my e-mail address is

  27. Shame poor Judith why didn’t she left a note in the kitchen to state her whereabouts… Now I feel sorry for her

    Q& A
    Vee and Rose@randfontein its so shocking to learn that the are people like y’all who lack knowledge about being + maybe its ur ignorance. What a bout a person like me who was a virgin think I would save myself when am done tertiary, nor did I knew I was going to get raped by a neighbor who knew I was a virgin and today I am HIV + not that it had stopped me I am working for well established big corperate company doing my 2 qualification. Mike please forward my email to the group.
    I am HIV + but HIV doesn’t define who I am.

  28. I am a guy, im negative. I am in the HIV field and its my passion. Its a miracle that I am still negative. I have dated and had sex with + ladies, I even have a baby with1. I would like to share my experiences and offer my support. Big up to you Michelle and everyone else.

  29. hey mike…tnx fr today’s episode Q.A Im really sorry about your status girl…and im not HlV positive but I understand what your going through, because even myself I lost my mother last month and she was also infected with the virus, now im left with my dad who’s also infected and he’s taking his ARV, I would love to be on the group bcs I want more information maybe I cn be able to help my dad abt this virus, so mike im begging can u please add me me on the group, my email is whatsapp 0711028370

  30. Thanx for such great read mike, keep it up.
    @ Thimbi I would like to understand more about how the virus can be so undetected for so long. Does it have anything to do with one’s blood type or what? Did you conceive ur babies naturally or via insemination? Sorry for being so blunt but I’ve always wondered.

  31. I have a lot of respect for people who know their status and are comfortable to disclose when +. I am negative, but I was seriously affected, and still am- my mom died 20yrs ago of an AIDS related disease. I would like to join the group as well, maybe I will somehow find closure because im still battling. Mike, please include me in the group.

  32. Its really amazing that in dis age n tym there’s still people like Vee n rose@randfontein n they even have the guts to say they not judging wow!!!! wht bullshit,,,,

    I just had my 34th bday on the 23rd n been married for 11 yrs dis year n was dignosed with Hi virus 4 years ago n bliv u me i was faithful like a saint soo vee n rose we ddnt ask to b + please stop being high n mighty somblieffff toggggg

    Thimbi i would like to chat to u please i really need to know sumthin from U,,,,Mikey start the forum please we really need ppl like Thimbi n Michelle not forgeting U Mikeesto

  33. @Killer Smile and + Wife, I have been taking vitamins going for regular check ups and making sure that I take care of any minor symptoms of illness such as flu etc and I also go for all the other tests that can be a potential threat to my health like diabetes,High blood preassure, TB etc. For the virus to stay undected for so long I cannot really tell Im also not sure how,look, I live a normal life I live like everyone else, and yes I concieved naturally but we consulted a Dr first test were done on me and my partner before we decided to have children, theres my email

    rose@randfontein…….. I contracted the virus from an uncle who used to visit my family home, who sexually abused me when I was 11 years old and then disappeared for about 2 years only to realise that he was sick has been bedridden for over a year, he died a year after telling the whole family that he was dying from AIDS and he left a little reminder of himself in every household he has visited in the past three years, every house he visited in our family he has raped a child without anyone noticing what he was doing hes last victim was my 6 years old cousin brother who died at the age of 10 killed by menengitis and pneumonia from the virus…… So people stop judging its not your place to do so none of us asked for it

  34. I would also like to join the group mna I have been having difficulties disclosing my status to my family, even about my rape I had no one to talk to it was 9months later after drowning myself in tears and sleepless nights, when my mom was lying in her hospital bed I finally told her that I was raped I was so scared I was going to lose her and I wanted to give her a reason to fight because I needed her. my bf has advised me to seek psychological help for the rape of course he too doesn’t know my HIV status I am scared of telling him and I always comfort myself ngokuthi I’m not sleeping with him, I don’t know how to go about looking for help regarding my rape, I have always been careful and I was raped by a friend I had been sinking in a ship of self pity I really need this kind of a group thank you

  35. HayI almost everyone is living with hiv . I got infected at 21 *am 24 now *
    but I’m not on treatment as my cd4 count is high . I would love to be on the group chat as well . I trust Mike and Thozama will make a plan abt that

  36. Big up to Michelle and the others. I am a peer educator and I come across people like Vee and Rose @randfontein a lot. It very shocking to still get people who have a high level of ignorance. we have to do away with stigma . stigma prevents people from testing, from taking treatment from seeking support .. consider yourself lucky you had sex at 24 and got pregnant anything could have happened.

  37. I would like my lil sister to be part of the group. She is 22 and been diagnosed just 4 months ago. I persuaded her to seek for help after seeing her and her baby deteriorating. She and her baby are now taking medication. We would have lost her if I didn’t sit down with her at the time. My family always comes to me for help coz I don’t judge them and I’m the eldest. So I would like my lil sister to learn more and also get support from the chat group. Great idea Michelle

  38. Hi Mike….I have the same problem as Michelle please give her my email address as well. I was diagnosed 2008 and I am on ARV’S started this year in February but you won’t tell….If there is a group chat or something I would also like to be part.

  39. I have never commented on here before but for the past few months I have been dreading going to get tested to find out about my status. I fear that I may be positive and possibly have an sti. I’m 23 and a final year student. I have no significant symptoms but I was foolish and in love only to find out he was messing around. I am petrified and I wonder if I should wait until I write my finals at the end of the year but I at times I can’t even sleep due to worrying myself sick. I have family and a friend my age who are positive and happy. I really need this group. I don’t know what to do but I am petrified.

  40. hi mike. Pls can u add me also with my email. Im hiv positive too and would like to engage others who are going through this journey

  41. Hi Mike can you please also add me to the group. I’m really touched by all the supportive comments this is what we need to curb the spread of this disease, and not stigmatisation of our brothers and sisters. To all the the infected and affected, the love of God still remains the same guys and I love you all.

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