Realities – Chapter Twenty Three

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There is a song I know which is called the Sound of Silence. It is a sad sombre song but is very clear on the deafening sound of it. Death like silence is like a void. Something feels missing. Joseph was dead. The nurse had just told me. His phone was missing, again the nurse had just told me! If that was the case then who the hell was calling me. The caller ID seemed so bright,

“Who is it?”

My husband asked me. I told him it was Joseph and I think for a second he got confused on who Joseph was.

“It’s the private investigator!”

I whispered. Why the hell was I whispering in my own house? I had done nothing wrong and we were alone.

“Let me answer it!”

My husband said! Was he mad! The owner of that phone had just been murdered and his last call had been to me where he said he was running from a notorious gangster. This was all his fault in the first place for loaning someone else money without telling me. We are supposed to be a couple and part of marriage is this. We share everything. I picked up the phone and it hung up. They will call later if they wanted me. What do I do now?

“Should we go to the police?”

I asked him. He looked at me incredulously like I was stupid. He did not have to answer! Go to the police and do what? And say what? To whom? I was so scared I was not thinking straight. This man had killed someone in a hospital so you tell me, how much more public a place did I need to know the strengths he would go to. Maybe my husband should just forgive his debts I don’t know. It was just money after all. Just money. I don’t want to die because I could not see past that.

“We are not going to take her out of GBT!”

I declared. She was probably the safest there and no one knew she was there in the first place. Bringing her home meant she could be kidnapped and other things worse than that. Maybe I should go see Nelisa’s roommates friend, the big guy, what did she call him again, Gorilla! Yes him. For protection. How much would that cost? How does that even work though!

“If we don’t take her what if they get to her?”

My husband asked. He was the man in this situation so think like a man! I explained to him how I thought she was probably safe there. He asked me if I could reach out to Lesedi but like i said in the beginning of my realities, the friendship had waned over time. When we discovered her husbands true colours we all pulled away. Now what do I do!

“I am going to have a chat with Chopo!”

At times I forget how connected we are. Chopo was the friend who I said was now MEC. It was a good idea because not only could he advise us but also he could protect us. Ok now I am going to shame myself, Chopo and I once kissed at a party! That’s all. He kissed me, I pulled back. That is the God honest truth. I had distanced him myself back then but my husband and him were very close so I did not tell him what happened. He had apologized and I think it was indeed a mistake because he had been wasted to the point of it being in the newspapers. In all fairness so was everyone else. Sizwe called him and he picked up the phone. He said was not in town but we could talk over the phone. For the second time today we had a phone on loud speaker discussing. We told him the whole story.

“But chief ke go bo ditshe man! That is man is dangerous! I told you stay away from him!”

He said as soon as he was done!

“You are the one who introduced us, I should have listened!”

Sizwe said! See I told you my husband listens to no one. So they all knew each other. That’s what corruption does, all these crooks no each other no wonder why this country is going to the dogs. You can’t trust anyone to do the right thing anymore.

“Yes I know him. He had the right CIDB grading for a project we wanted and Sizwe didn’t. I then linked them up in a Joint Venture to bid for the project. After I discovered that he was a big criminal I sabotaged the project so we lost because had we gone in bed with him we will all have died. I told Sizwe that we will not be doing business with Mthobisi any more and at the time he agreed with me. I got him the clinic tender and I thought everything was in the past!”

He explained the situation. These men are soo dumb. Now this fool, Chopo, on an open line had just told me all his corruption. Haven’t they learned anything from Zuma that conversations can be recorded and used against you if you have them on the phone. What about Oscar Pistorious? Didn’t we all know about him because whatsapp! People evolve with the times!

“Is there something you can do though because as you can imagine chief, this is a bad position and we fear for our safety!”

Sizwe said.

“I will see what I can do. Don’t do anything until I come back tomorrow evening. We will then talk in person!”

He said. We agreed and we hung up. Now we just looked at each other. The silence between us returned. We could not play the blame game any longer. Solutions were needed. Mapula came in and said she had to go home because her son was not feeling well. She could see the tenseness in the house and I think she had been waiting for the right time to ask. I told her it was fine and I have her money. We had known her son for a long time now so we respected him as family. This will also give us time alone to fix all these things. We needed time alone.

It was hours later that anything of significance happened. I was watching TV and Sizwe was sleeping. I think the stress had eventually managed to bring us down both. I could not even call my daughter but GBT had called and said she had arrived safely and had actually settled in. I was surprised by that because I thought and knowing her she would still be kicking and screaming. At least it had not been strenuous. At least the dead man’s cell did not call me again. I did get a call though.

“Good afternoon Dr. Makgofa I am calling in regards to Joseph Rakgatla!”

A very well spoken man said on the line.

“Yes sir what can I do for you?”

I asked innocently or at least try to sound it. I was dying inside!

“Madam I am going to be frank with you, Mr Rakgatla was a personal friend who was also the private investigator linked to my firm. He did the investigating side of the business for us. The firm has appointed me to be assist his family at this moment. Your name was the last on his call list even after his death if the call records I got from MTN are anything to go by. I want to know why!”

I was shocked! Firm already? What kind of firm? Was I a suspect? No, shouldn’t the police come first before any firms insurance or otherwise. Wait, was it the investigating firm that he worked for? I thought he he had said he was independent now I can’t remember. I was confusing myself though. One thing for sure he had gotten straight to the point as if to shock me. It had worked.

Wait a minute, who was he, he never told me his name?

“You didn’t introduce yourself sir!”

I said politely but firmly. I could not afford to sound scared. What if it was a trick from Lesedi and her sadistic husband!

“My name is Mxolisi Sibani, a lawyer and my firm works out for Cape Town!”

*****The End*****

Mikeatdiary (instagram)
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Hi bhut Mike and all the loyal readers

My name is Nosipho and I’m from MP but I’m in varsity in FS. I’m studying bsc zoology and it was supposed to be my final year but with the way this year has been going I don’t see any ending in sight. I’m 21 years old and feel so hopeless and depressed. I’ve had 6 exams thus far and have failed each and everyone of them and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I haven’t told my parents and I know that they will be disappointed in me since I was supposed to be finishing and here I am flunking everything. I haven’t told anyone how bad I’ve been doing and worse part I have had this really smart boyfriend for the past 3 years and he always talks about us graduating next year and stuff and I can’t bring myself to tell him that I’m struggling too much that I can’t even get one single pass. I used to pass everything, my study record was spotless but this year ay angati kutsi ngiyenteni nyalo. I feel like I could commit suicide, like I would just end everything so I wouldn’t disappoint anyone.
This wasn’t a letter asking for advise cause my life is already in shambles and it’s all my fault. I just wanted to tell someone what I’ve been going through because keeping it to myself is killing me every single day.

Thank you for listening/reading.

72 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Twenty Three

  1. Thank you Ta Mike… Great read! QnA: You can still make it,that’s what 2nd opp is there for. Don’t lose hope akere nana.

    1. he might not be back, this is two different stories, this event/call could have taken place before he was shot on the other story.

  2. Nothabo does not take responsibility for anything its always everyones fault except hers ay…
    Q&A Eish I know what you are going through hey I have been there especially when you have been having good marks and always on top of your game I know you said you don’t need advice but here is my suggestion talk to one of your lecturers that you feel comfortable with talking about these things helps cause right now the road you are travelling is very dangerous and trust me it possible to get out of the misery be strong sis wami and best of luck… I wish there was more I could do

  3. Ahhh Mikey ma dawg tho, just luv how every story u write just intertwine. These diaries, memoirs, nd alles need to b on TV, Yoh I cn only imagine nd I wanna play Lesedi 😛

  4. Thanks Mike

    Nosipho sisi I think everyone will be even more disappointed with you if you committed suicide than if you told them the truth. Please do no kill yourself for this. Some people face far worse than what you are going through and they still stand and soldier on so please do the same. I am a mother, if my daughter were to kill herself over something she could have easily discussed with me it would destroy me and that would affect her sibling too. Most people think suicide is the easy way out but it’s the most selfish act anyone can commit. Seek counselling rather.

    I will pray for you sisi.

  5. Damn you Mike! Man u puffing different good sheet everyday. Unesakhono mfo ka Maphoto.

    All I can say is “Dankie sani”

    I like your interwhatwhat, your intersexion ,interconnection, intermilan phucken you international man

  6. Ijo ta Mike.What a twist. Nelisa,Lesedi and Mxo!What a twist.NOZI u never told us what is causing u to fail.And it seems u cnt figure it out or dnt knw reasons for ur failures in all your exams.However I acknoweledge the fact that you are asking for help.I would say.Firstly u need to go to go to Kovsie health and ask for help.There are proffesionals that you can make use of.Secondly what u cn do is to pin point the cause of everything by asking yourself honestly as to y is this happening and answer al the ys honestly.U CAN DO IT.Seek help and go out of your way to murder the second semester courses neh!And go on to kill next year’s courses for first semester,I mean the one that you are failing now.U CAN DO IT. I BELIEVE IN YOU,IT IS TIME TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

  7. Mike you talented shame connecting all the dots and everyone wow man I love this no doubt I had misses hearing ka mxolisi and thandeka I’m super happy now. Amazing work ey.

  8. Ya Mike you are so gifted, so all your books link, its Memoirs,Diary,and Missteps, i assume the Mthobisi and Lesedi they are talking about here are the ones from missteps.

  9. To get to the end it will have to be after a relentless struggle of stressful days and nights….ur situation sounds more like mine..because coming from limpopo and having to adjust to everything in PE in a single year and also make sure I pass was a very very stressful thing..i used to have everyday migraines , slept past midnight every day and sometimes I cried myself to sleep bcus I felt like I had travelled all this way to come and fail myself and my parents…you need a breather love..sometimes taking a step back and reflecting helps and the same people that you think might be disappointed in you might be the same people waiting for you to shout out for moral support..stop being too hard on yourself and just take things as they come . stop straining yourself..after all its just an obstacle…I want to point out that I actually think u sound dumb considering to end your existence because of are not the 1st and certainly not the last one to fail..come on!!#phusha go tla loka

  10. Nosipho in life there’s always a possitive in every negative situation. In my final year my sister who resides in cape town got sick that meant I had to leave pta and go take care of her, I’ve never had bad marks so I left and I didn’t know that her recovery would take 3 months but It did,that meant 3 months out of school I was definitely going to fail and not graduate, but I prayed to God and a lil voice said go back to school and catch up, it was just a lil voice it was not assuring on the reality everything screamed failure u not going to graduate u will fail, I chose to listen to the lil voice it was hard I went back to school the rest is history and I graduated…look inside you and find that lil voice listen to it pray to God and start thinking positive, only cowards commit suicide, u have a beautiful and meaningful life ahead of u, do it for yourself, pull yourself together and you will Suprise yourself, trust God, talk to your lecture, it is in dificult times that we draw closer to God be positive…remember u don’t have to go thru this alone we are here for u, its easier to talk to strangers who know nothing about us.

  11. Yabona die man yiSkhokho sure. Mikeesto uyinja kau.

    Happy Monday fam, blessed week to you all.


  12. This is absolute brilliance. Mike ohh Mike…my man you are doing things to me….ahem.
    Let me not…Wow man. Realities is officially my favourite book 🙂 not to say I dont love the others but yeah.

    QnA : My angel , you need to sort out whatever it is thats making you depressed before it eats you up. Sounds though as if it has begun if you contemplating suicide.

    I have been depressed and trust me its NOT a space you want to find yourself in because once you get into that hole , its very difficult to get out.

    Face your demons , it may open up wounds that you dont want but it will all be worth it in the end.

    Please please pleeeeeaaase talk to someone. If your family loves you, they will understand what you going through.

    All the best my angel.

    Please pray every night, talking about your problems is the 1st step of healing…so please pray, tell God what it is thats making your heart so heavy, he will listen and he will guide you.

  13. When i grow up i wanna be married to Mike Maphoto…Mike you are one Talented man and may God keep blessing u to do more…love love your books:)

  14. Q&A Nosipho it looks like u are suffering from depression. Pls dear go and see a doctor ASAP and tell him how long u have been suicidal.he should prescribe u with antidepressants and go for counselling too. The anti depressants will take 4-6 weeks to kick in.wishing u the best

  15. Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike……one word for u #uyiskhokho

  16. Dear Nosipho

    I hope you get to read this. I completely relate with what you’re going through, but your situation is way worse than mine. I almost failed the last exam of my final year because I had an anxiety attack the morning of my exam. I sat at home and didn’t go write, I called my mother and told her I couldn’t write, needless to say I almost killed her. My anxiety was fuelled by fear of the unknown. All my varsity friends had secured jobs and I was struggling to even get an interview! This frustrated me and I couldn’t understand why as I performed the best of all of us academically. Thankfully I gathered myself and was granted a special exam and I was able to complete my degree.. you said you weren’t seeking advice, and I honestly have none. I just want you to know it can happen to anyone. PRAYING FOR YOU!

  17. Mmmh Mxo is in de house again wonder whr is wify!!!@QnA gotta act cc while u stl got time cz not telling ur parents or who ever is responsible for ur fees…open up to some1 especially ur parents so as to keep them aware tht their child is nt coping so u keep them ready for wt evr will cum be t a fail or pass but I believe u’ll make it coz reaching out fr help like u dd now means u confronted ur demons…I’m saying all this cz I been through t as I’m talking nw I got no 1 to help me wt my studies bt aftr 2 years of staying home etlist I managed to save some money n only went bck 2 skul ths year “I’m an Engineering student by de way” n ts really nt easy…only if I had told my parents myb thy’d understand bt I kept thinking thy’d judge me b staff but I always pray tht I’ll pull it through, so do de right thing sessy b4 ts too late

  18. Mr Maphotho Sir, has anyone ever told you that you are pure GENIUS? Nkos yam I love this guy. We need you on TV Mike, your work is brilliant!!! What a way to start a week. Thank you for your talent, for sharing it with us without pay even. May God bless you abundantly! #Productive week Fam :*

  19. Nosipho 1st things first- ONLY A KOVSIE KNOWS THE FEELING!!!

    I am only going to add to the advice already given with facts that could ensure you still graduate next year.

    A. Take the advice given above about chatting to your lecturers and ensure that when you repeat next year, you are a teacher’s pet to all 6, for every module after test 1 you go set up an appointment and see how you can improve for the test 2s.
    B. The 2nd semester is over a month away so spend this month resting and not beating yourself up. Everyone will be angry, you take it and move on. Don’t hurt yourself any further the results already did that.
    C. When the 2nd Semester starts, attend every lecture, prepare for lectures have all your questions noted down and don’t you dare leave that hall without answers unless you have another lecture but you set up time to get those answers.
    D. Far as memory serves every faculty has tutorial sessions. Attend those. This is to ensure that you get everything in order to ensure you pass this semester.
    E. You will then repeat semester 1 next year, using the same strategy and guess who’ll be part of the SPRING GRADUATION?! YOU!!!!! Darling 2016 will still be the year you graduate if you put your mind to it.
    study log is there for e reason, live there. I did!!

    All the best

  20. Q&A hi, I hardly ever post comments. But reading ur letter actually brought tears to my eyes, I’ve been in the very same situation u are in, and I even went as far as drinking poison, luckily someone found me before it was too late. I had been failing in school, I hadn’t told anyone because I was too scared to disappoint my parents and I had always been that smart girl and was too embarrassed to approach anyone for help. But what my suicide attempt taught me, is that in as much as ur parents will be disappointed, ur life is way more important to them than bad grades. You’ll be suprised at how supportive they will be.

  21. dear nosipho

    i know exactly how you feel. have been in ur shoes a while ago, it was pretty hard but with the advices from people who got a motivation from me i made it so let me use this on you. failure is a steping stone to great success, u are not a failure until u fail traying and trying over and over again. in the race u are in is not a matter of WHEN u finish the race but HOW u finish it. nana remember u are not doing it for anyone but for urself, education is ur 1st husband, very hard to obtain but once u get him, u will go place with him, u will do what ever u wanna do with him, he wont hurt u nor make u cry, as much as it is hard to obtain him trust me he is worth the pain and tears. DO NOT GIVE UP ON UR RACE.

  22. Yaaa neh! The way Realities evolves!!!!!

    Hi Nosipho, I felt I should share with you my small struggles after reading your letter, hope it helps you realise that failing is not the end of the world.
    I was always a bright little girl, so bright that I was taken out of my underprivileged school at grade 5 and taken to study at a top notch school all paid for. Went through high school, never failed anything, started studying at Tuks, got a couple of distinctions in my first year, was on top of my game. Then 3rd year came and that was the first time I had ever failed in my life, I failed 1 test, just 1, and because of that I drove myself crazy, which in turn led me to actually fail more and more. I did not know how to handle failure, more importantly I did not want to disappoint my family. My dad is a beast, a proud beast, I didn’t know how to tell him that I had failed for fear of being disowned, trust me at that point death seemed like a better option for me! I fell deeper & deeper into this state, which was actually a self sabotage but I was not aware, but eventually I had to make a decision, tell my parents and face the consequences or go ahead with my suicide so I can avoid the shame and disappointment. I decided to go tell my 1 understanding aunt in the family, I let it all out at that point because just failing 1 test almost ended the rest of my life. When I had actually expected the worst from my parents, more especially my dad, he was the one person to tell me how super proud he was of me for getting so far with my life and he was actually not disappointed, the one person that I expected to shun me out completely was the person to help me get out of that depressing state that I had drove myself into, all because of overthinking things and not being able to handle failure. My dad taught me at that point that I should never preempt people’s reactions and make decisions based on my own conclusions, then he told me that nothing in this world cannot be overcome, even if he had shunned me out that should be my motivation to prove everyone against me wrong and everyone supporting me right! Kana my dad & I have never actually had a relationship, I had been living my life working towards making him love me and wanted to ensure I succeed so he will be proud of me, little did I know that the man actually did love me afterall. So I hope you realise that you are not the only person to ever go through such, its your reaction to it all that determines where you are gonna be! I ended up failing a whole year because I let failing just 1 test get the better of me. Do not let yourself lose out on more time and money from this obstacle that can be overcome. Failing shouldn’t be a way of life I understand, but it shouldn’t be the end of life either! Now go get that degree!!!

  23. nosipho I feel your pain m also stdyng at ufs doing same course m so hopeless but killing yourself is not option I think we turn to realise dat da job opportunities for dat course are very slim I wasted so much money and time I was supposed to graduate last year couldn’t make it i failed but what u should do is o pry more allow god in your heart and soul you will see everything will work out.

  24. Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike one word for u #uyiskhokho

  25. Hi Nosipho

    That was me 5 years ago. I was stydying BSc Zoology @ a univeristy in KZN, I also wanted to take my life and even wanted to drop out.
    Believe me, it gets better. You will see….
    Hang in there

  26. Hehehehehe hayi jonga Mike abakuyeke umama wedwa mfana wam uyisikhokho eJoburg. Hayi jonga uyinja Boy I don’t usually comment but could let this pass Mxolisi is alive I couldnt be happy nokhala wam lol
    Girl try to go to clinic or Dr u suffering from major depression was once had its really not nice

  27. Hehehehehe hayi jonga Mike abakuyeke umama wedwa mfana wam uyisikhokho eJoburg. Hayi jonga uyinja Boy I don’t usually comment but could let this pass Mxolisi is alive I couldnt be happy ngomkhaya wam lol
    Girl try to go to clinic or Dr u suffering from major depression was once had its really not nice

  28. Hehehehehe hayi jonga Mike abakuyeke uhamba wedwa mfana wam uyisikhokho eJoburg. Hayi jonga uyinja Boy I don’t usually comment but could let this pass Mxolisi is alive I couldnt be happy ngomkhaya wam lol
    Girl try to go to clinic or Dr u suffering from major depression was once had its really not nice

  29. haai, bra Mike I feel like I’m watching one of those Hollywood blockbusters, in just three chapters you introduced all the major characters from all the books, true artistic exhibition on your part. please keep up the momentum.

  30. Applause & Salute to Mike & the team…we need this to be broadcasted Mike as some at work envy me when I laugh out loud or hear my gasps,my clap once etc due to all the intrigue & the emotions that come with all your blogs however they arejust lazy to read & say it would be better to watch so please family anyone who can open those doors “SABC”not everyone can afford DSTV,2.It would increase their viewers as its on the verge of extinction ok I exaggerate but still guys help Mike to help SA.

  31. QnA

    U need to speak to student Counseling services u have a massive problem n no one wil understand once u have been excluded.

  32. Yoh yowe Mikey, ull be the death of me wit dis books I promise you. I am so impressed wit ur brilliant work hands down, we need ur books on tv asap. Thnx yet again for blessing us,and sharing your talent we appreaciate you keep insipiring and entertaining us. Lol I can go on and on about Mikey, but yeah Ill stop der.

  33. Oh wow. Mxo is back!!! Thank you, Mikey. Don’t bring back crazy melodramatic wife pls.

    Ha ha, Mtho is that dangerous? I don’t like it. Y’all are suppose to be friends. Mtho, be nice ogh. They done did you no wrong. #paybackthemoney Sizwe’s mil

  34. I think Mxo died in his own story…and this was when he was stil alive…when he took this case in his firm….ncooooo Ta Mike hayi shame bayakuyeka…strue

  35. Hi Nosipho,

    As far as i know most varsities have on offer a mental health facility make use of it. You will also find that if you spoke to your lectures they can help you find ways to study better or equip yourself for upcoming tests. Since this semester has been a challenge it doesnt mean next one will be so long you will with the depression, to have reached university 3rd year says to me you IQ level if sufficient to get you through so it not that you are all of a sudden dumb it is that emotionally you have alot more to deal with. Suicide seems simpler but at 21 you have not lived enough..there is so much ahead of you the world is at your disposal live it is a gift and your name says it a gift your family not a pain to leave them behind wondering what they could have done..

  36. Oh My God…..Mike, Thozama really??? I’ve never seen so much talent. Lol where r those who wanted to kill u for Mxolisi. Thank u so much Mike, I can kiss u

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