Realities – Chapter Twenty Nine

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Some problems have no solutions. We had no idea where the journalist was. I told my husband that we had to go home and what ever happens happens. I had tried my best now all I had to was await my fate. That’s all a lady can wish for. My brother said he was going to find him. He said he knew his drinking spots and the people he hung out with including his fiance. I asked him how come he knew so much and he said his fiance was his ex. I have always wondered though, as a woman, how do you feel when your husband is friends with your ex. I know we live in a modern world and so on but when they both look at you they have both seen you naked and know the sounds you make during sex! Imagine. Maybe I am old fashioned but I know with me I would never cope. I asked my brother how that works and he said that every woman was someone’s ex so you can’t avoid because when you were younger you could not keep your legs shut! He was being deliberately rude I think because he was angry at the fact that I was angry at me. He asked us to drop him off at his friends place and fortunately it was not too far away from us.

As soon as we entered my husband stood in front me and asked,

“Where did you get it from that I am your pet?”

I was not sure what he meant so I said a dismissve,

“Excuse you!”

He was not playing, he grabbed me and pushed me violently on the couch!

“I said, where do you get off talking to me rudely like I am a child! All I said to you was it was nice having an adventure with you then you go on to speak to me like that in front of your brother!”

This man can be annoying at times!

“Get over yourself Sizwe ok! You are childish and petty!l

I snapped at him,

“You want to talk adventures when we are in trouble. Are you serious? We are in this mess because you decided to do business with gangsters!”

I told him be he would not hear it!

“I decided to do business you say? Was it not you that hired a private investigator because all of a sudden I am not to be trusted. I had a child before I met you! That’s my crime.”

He screamed,

“Should I have told you? Yes I should have but how? Your father, that evil man, wanted to break my legs if I had not married you immediately when you got pregnant. Do you remember that? He had five of his taxi guys to come to my house in the early morning that day to bring me before him!”

He was not lying but what did this have to do with anything,

“Do you remember how we were both so scared? You even wanted us to run away from home! Now you tell me at what point could I have told you that?”

I kind of understood his point had it been made maybe 10years ago so why did he keep quiet this long. Men are good at making excuses.

“And in our marriage, before you and your father fought, did he not control our marriage at every turn. Every argument we had you would go and report to him. How often didd his thugs come to deliver a message that I should behave? How often?!”

He screamed.

“You were not man enough to stand up to him! You were a coward! You blaming me for that! My father saw that you were weak and wanted to toughen you up but I am sure he gave up a long time ago. You are still the same weak man you were then to this day!”

I said as I stood up, he was so mad and heaving back and forth.

“And don’t you ever talk to me like I am a child! Grow a pair of balls next time or else!”

I said as I poked him with my middle finger on his forehead.

“Or else what?”

He asked me!

“Or else I will divorce your weak excuse for a man!”

I said defiantly and poked him again. I am a strong independent woman! Can’t be told what to do by a man!

“Now get out of my way your fucken arsehole!”

I swore at him but some inverse thing happened, it was not intentional or was it, I spat at him in his face. You know that one that makes the,


Sound when it leaves your lips. The horror in his face when I did that. I guess he didn’t appreciate that! He slapped me so hard I fell back into the couch! I stood up and punched back like five times but he kept on blocking!

“How dare you hit a woman? How dare you Sizwe? Who the fuck do you think you are? I am going to tell my father!”

I managed to say in between the heavy heaving that had manifested in my anger.

“Tell him and also divorce me but today I am going to show that always being quiet and letting you do what ever you want and talk to me somehow does not make me less off a man!”

I was still in the process of punching him but he grabbed my hand and twisted it such that it turned me over! He pushed me back to the couch and before I could turn and regain my balance he pinned me down. I could not move!

He raised his hand and started slapping my buttocks so hard I felt like he had fire in his hands. That’s how hot the claps were! I was not going to cry! Hell no. I tried to twist my self out of this position but was trapped. The man is strong.

“You think I am a small boy don’t you!”

He said angrily. He did not hit anywhere else except my ass. Imagine, I am a grown woman, a doctor, a mother and I was being spanked for lack of a better word! Eventually I cried as I could not handle the pain anymore and the moment I did he stopped. I managed to twist myself forward somehow which made him fall over and he banged his head on the coffee table. Blood came out immediately. I think he was almost knocked out. This was my opportunity. I kicked him in the stomach as he was on his knees!

“You fucken bastard how dare you hit me!”

I screamed. The momentum of the kick rolled him over onto his back. There was so much blood on my Persian rug which made me even more angry. I stomped him in the stomach and he blocked me. He was in pain and if I was not a doctor I would not have seen that he had a mild concussion. He had hurt himself. I was not going to stop there! I am never going to be an abused wife. So what I started the fight? So what I had said those things to belittle him? So what I allowed my father and his thugs to belittle him time and time again? So what I treated him like a child? So what I spat at him? No, the woman is always right and must never be touched by the hands of a man in any sort of violence! It is what the government says, it was society says no matter what the facts are! I was going to kill this fool! He had taken my daughter to that awfull place without consulting me and I wanted her back. He did not own us! He must go to his Nelisa I don’t care! All these things I was screaming at him as I kicked. Somehow he stood up, blood covering half his face!

This time he did not hold back! He punched me with his left hand, my husband is right handed by the way so I was ready to block the right meaning I didn’t see it coming.

He punched me so hard with his left hand!

I blacked out!

******The End *******

Mikeatdiary (instagram)
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Please put my letter on an appropriate post.

I am one of those abusive wives or rather let me say I was. My husband and I got married 11 years ago when we were both 23. We already had a four year old at that stage. My husband was never the “guy guy” type and preferred soapies and comedy to wrestling and sports. He was a soft guy, soft spoken and avoided confrontation. This created a problem, when ever we had a disagreement he would roll over and play dead. This annoyed me so much because things were not going well in the house. I don’t know how it started but before long I was beating up my husband. He never hit me and because he is a man he never screamed out or anything so nobody knew. He would block here and there until I got tired. This happened a lot of times. Each time he would talk to me and say this should never happen again. At the time we were both working (teachers but different schools). I would hear other women complain about being beaten up at home and I stood with them even went marching a few times against violence against women and children.

6 months ago during one of my beatdowns, my husband stopped blocking and he beat me up properly. I went to the police station immediately and he was arrested. It was his unlucky day because he was beaten up in the police cells so badly that they broke his hand.

I dropped the charges much to the angst of the other women I march with because they said that I should set an example. He divorced me immediately after. I won’t lie I regret everything I did. When I heard that he could be dating someone again I was devastated. He even changed schools to a new school. He comes to pick up our son and I have begged him to forgive me but he looks at me like dirt.

My question is, was I wrong in reporting him to the police? Should he have reported me and gotten me arrested the mother of his child? Is it ever right for a man to beat up a woman even one like me who made him her punching bag?

I know what I did was wrong but this is my story. Thank you Mike for reading this and God bless your readers.

Thank You

Lulama W.

73 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Twenty Nine

  1. Words fail me Lulama, this is one of those cases that require the old saying “You made your bed. Now lay on it”
    Stop with your selfishness and seek help for your problem. It is and it will never be right to lay your hands on your spouse.

  2. Ya women, I believe as a man, a man should not lift his hands for a woman but everybody has their limit, I’m happy but not proud that only 4 times in my 24 years I’ve lifted my hands for a woman and only because pleading and trying to calm the situation wasn’t helping. I was threatened with jail too for slapping my baby momma after she woke me up with punches flying for a conversation she instigated with somebody. So lady asking your question I’m sorry but you got what you deserve I know what your man went through. You’d just have to live with your decisions you’ve made.

  3. @ q&a… i think u are a selfish… silly woman and deserve everything u are gettin now. U made ur bed now lie in it. I just wish ur ex forgives u. Then wat u think u r feeling now will be double.

  4. Tjo so much drama kulomzi. I guess its true that when us women are independent we think we don’t have to respect our partners just because awumdingi. I’ve seen this in my family and I have noticed some traits in myself too and I hate it. Thanx But’ Mike I don’t usually comment but today I just had to. As for QnA You were VERY wrong to take advantage of a good man because would you rather have a gangster kind of guy who would walk all over you ukuze umbone as a ‘man”? Nam if I were him I would resent you . As for laying a charge against him andiyaz . There would have been absolutely nothing wrong with him laying a charge of abuse against you, mother of his kids o not but he chose to save you the embarrassment and he didn’t report but because uzenza uDie hard wife waqonda you should report . Dont get me wrong I’m not condoning abusive man not to be reported, m jus saying did you ask yourself why he never reported you? Enjoy ur day fellas.

  5. Aaaiiii Lulama in my opinion I am glad your ex husband wants nothing to do with you , you have a serious problem and you need to seek professional help , I don’t get how you could ask if you where wrong to report him whereas you where the one who was abusing him constantly why don’t you ask your self this questions . Why didn’t he report you ? How he felt being beaten by a woman ? What did it do to his self esteem ? You turned a good man into a monster

  6. Yooooooooh Lulama sana ude uthi”get u arrested mother of his child ” what does that mean exactly?
    That u have right to beat him ngoba wamzalela!

    Hai sisi udinga usizo!

  7. lulama if your ex husband ever forgives you that you must really appreciate that. i dont blame him for hitting you back at all cos you deserved it

  8. I think our society focuses too much on women n children n forget that men n boys face the same predicaments. U were wrong sisi accept n move on, leave the man Be. You need to gt urself fixed. U were not wrong for laying charges.He was wrong for letting u abuse him n not do anything about it . It seems like he wanted to give u a beat down to give u a taste of ur own medicine n den leave. U made ur bed n u def don’t have my sympathy coz u knew exactly what u were doing. Just for interest sake how would you have preferred things to be? Coz you don’t seem content with how things turned out.

  9. i know what the law says, but you cant provoke a human that you know is stronger than you, and expect them not to react.

    you got exactly what you deserve, time and again he took the moral high ground. honestly anyone who follows the norms of society is a fool, because society will always favor someone. its never neutral and without favor.

    women fought for equal rights and to be treated like men. that should apply everywhere, not just in the work environment.

    with regards to reporting him. it wasn’t wrong that you did. what was wrong was that you never gave the full story as to what led to him hitting you and that you played a big part in things falling apart…90% of the fault lied in your hands.

    and additionally you are the perfect example of a hypocrite, going to marches protesting against abuse when you knew very well what you were doing behind closed doors. i feel no sympathy for you.

    this should form as a lesson to all that you treat others the way you want to be treated. society shouldn’t dictate your own personal views. people have no business being hypocrites. and lastly he did the right thing by divorcing you, you got what you deserved.

    women need to stop acting the way they do just because the law favors you sometimes.

  10. Lulama now ur asking about ur hubby beating u up were else it was self defence, did u not think for a moment that he is the father of ur son now ur sobbing that izt ryt for him to beat up the mother of his son. So plz am glad he moved on honestly, u treated him like dirt n now……come on get over urself. Ur selfish n self centred. Get help mayb u might b lucky in marriage again

  11. Lulama you deserve everything tht is happening to you right now, you treated him like trash, your punching bag who said man are not feeling any pain when you hit them, am glad he found a courage to divorce you and move on with his life, I pray he find a woman who will treat him with respect, owae sisi am so much against woman abuse but wena you deserved it, I hope you move on with your life n find Jesus, please don’t stalk him and when thrs new lady in his life respect tht. Ngimnyanya kabi umuntu oshayo munyu muntu

  12. and people need to understand that Abuse is UNPROVOKED, you lady hit your man without being provoked to do so, and time and again he told you it should never again. while on the other hand, his actions were PROVOKED. understand that you cant claim to be abused if the physical contact was provoked.

  13. Thanks Mike…

    QnA…. WOW…. the fact that you even wrote here asking whether you were wrong or not to report him to the police is just utter nonsense…. You are a hypocrite, you found a good man and abused him for God knows how long and when he finally defends himself, you have him arrested? I am sorry but I couldn’t help thinking your husband made the right choice by leaving you, everybody has their limits.

    I do however hope that he forgives you for the sake of your son but I hope he never takes you back, I hope he finds himself a good wife who will honour and respect him and most importantly not abuse him. I hope you one day experience what he went through in your abusive hands.

    With that said, Your husband, oh sorry EX-husband was not right in beating you up just as you were not right in abusing him and reporting him. If you thought He was not man enough for you, you could have just left him rather than abusing him…

    Anyway my dear you need serious help, you need to stop thinking about fixing your marriage and start thinking about fixing your life.

    all the best to you and your EX-husband

  14. This Nothabo woman is too much, what pride is that? Claims to be a Dr!!! I condone women abuse too..buh, Sizwe must teach her manners or she must go back to that gangster father of hers. She really does act ratched.

    Lulama lady, stop stalking your EX husband and rather ask for forgiveness then beg him to take you back. It’s pathetic.

  15. Yhoo Mike what a heavy chapter….Thank you Bhuti for bringing to light things that happen on a daily basis and have us talk about them….

    Lulama…heee yentombazana…let me get this straight. God gives you an awesome husband…oohhh sorry, EX-husband now. Not only is he not a “guy guy” ( which us women would love to have) he has always taken the moral ground and was the better person in you abusing him for God knows what. So you think umzalela gives you better rights?? Its okay for you to abuse him but yena he cant? Im sure this was not just physical, which to me is even worse.

    You made your bed lolo now lie in it. I hate women who are hypocrytes , you torment a person wanting to see if he will react or not. If a man is quiet and does not shout he is considered weak and you want them to grow balls. When you have a man who beats you up you cry hee hee hee uyandibetha heee heee heee…oohhh go f****en decide what you want.

    I am not condoning violence in a any way. Peole just need to learn to respect each other man.

    I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years now , one year he was not working so I was the “breadwinner” and now I earn mre than him…but lonto does not mean I should have less respect for him because of that. This independant nonsense whilst one is married irks me shame.

    On that note Lulama you need to seek help wena. Fix your self and leave your husband alone. He’s moved on now and rightfully so because no human being should be treated the way you did…note I said HUMAN BEING.

    All the best

  16. great read Mike thanks. QnA i think Lulama first of all you are a very brave lady to share your story and regrets with the world. one thing i love about your letter is that you didn’t once paint your ex husband in a bad light, through this ordeal you have finally realized what a blessing he was to you and its too bad that it was too late for your marriage. however because you have realized your mistakes, you now know that you need to work on yourself first before embarking on a new relationship, counseling will be very beneficial for you to understand the root of your abusive nature. please ask your ex husband for forgiveness, this is not for him to take you back but rather for you to heal and find the closure you need. i know that you will make another man happy in future because you will not repeat the same mistakes you did in your previous relationship. being the mother of his child he didn’t report you because he thought about your son but evidently you didn’t consider that when you where beating him up. he tried all he could to work on your relationship but its very difficult to continue building when someone else is hell bent on destroying. he should have reported you but because he loved you and your child he didnt. relaise and acknowledge that you WHERE WRONG

  17. Nothabo sies, spitting on a person is lowest of the low! She thinks her Dr title gives her the right to belittle people!

    Lulama, you are reaping what you sowed! Now forgive yourself and forgive him so that you can move on! Before you go into another relationship, seek some professional help, they say hurt people, hurt people so you need to clear this anger that made you abuse your husband otherwise the next guy you choose to abuse will end up killing you!

  18. Thanx mike

    Tjo lulama u got the taste of ur own was write for u to do the beating but whn it ur turn to receive to run to the popo.woman r evil beyond measure cos they knw hore man get laughed at when they report such thing.advise to leave it absive wife or girlfriend cos clearly they don’t deserve you at all.

    N yes u were wrong wrong to got report him. B yes he dd wright divorcing u cos u r so unfairly n abusive
    U c the results of being selfish n arrogant comes the heavy price of being lonely.bcos utook for granted wht GOD GAVE U.


  19. Thanks again for the daily dose.

    Q&A Lulama you are one selfish person, I’m ashamed of you as a woman. How on earth you beat him but don’t want him to defend himself. You provoked him and you expect him to sit back while you’re punching him daily, enough is enough . You’re a hypocrit going to the marches while you’re the perpetrator.

    I wish and hope he forgives you for his peace of mind and live happily ever after with the woman(not you) who see him as a loving, caring man. We women we turn men into monsters but we want to remain angels in public. Apologies to those women you marched with and seek counselling.

    Because of your selfish act you added the number of us single women, you are ungrateful creature. Wish I’m the one who found him and show you how to treat your man with respect.

    You had a diamond and lost it in the sand,forget about getting it back.

  20. Thanks Mike
    Wow Lulama I don’t condone violence my sister, I was in an abusive relationship myself eventually I did the correct thing and left. I was angry at all men in general and also impatient towards my son, but after counselling I got better its a process be patient. Just move on and accept that you have a problem get help and the sooner you move on the better good luck!

  21. LULAMA why did you not tell the police the reason he gave you a beat down? He too is a father of your child but you never thought twice to get him arrested. In my opinion he did good by divorcing you and you don’t deserve his forgiveness.

  22. Dankie Maphoto
    A2Q keke said it loud n clear *you made your bed now lie on it*
    If ibindim lo ndoda, let me quote from Adv Mxolisi Sibani *i would phuck everyone close to you, I would phuck your sisters, your girlfriends, isizananina sakho and your mother too if she’s not that ugly jst to spite you!

    My last wish is that you live long enough to see his current relationship being successful wena ushumaneke UYE *put N anywhere sies nxa rhaaa


  23. Hi Lulama

    I’m a woman and a firm believer that abuse is wrong, irrespective of who does it. Sisi, you humiliated your husband for so long and made him feel small. You Messed with his pride sisi.

    I think him hitting you back that day, was to give you a lesson that hitting someone you supposed to love and protect is humiliating and it hurts.

    He knew he’s stronger than you and could just easily beat you up, when you were beating him, but he chose not to.

    Probably he expected you to come to your senses that day, and apologise and acknowledge that you have humiliated him for years, he would have apologised too. His intentions were not to leave you until you went to the police and had him arrested.

    That’s when he lost respect for you because he stood by you for years after you beat him, and when he gave you a taste of your medicine, first thing was you went to report him and had him arrested. I think when he got beat while at the holding cells. He asked himself how did he get to be there and made to feel like an abuser or this monster. He realised that you guys were in a toxic relationship, the kind of relationship he doesn’t want his son to grow up in. Your relationship with him is over, he won’t come back to you.

    Go for councilling sisi, and forgive yourself, and in time he will forgive you too.

    Good luck.

  24. QnA
    i dnt condone abuse of any form but wena u deserve everything that is coming your way, you took advantage of him, where did you get the balls of beating a man? Yeses.
    just because you thought you were the man in the relationships because of his kindness didn’t mean he was stupid and wth no feelings.
    wena nje just seat doen and enjoy your thorny sharp fruits and let the guy b happy, loved and appreciated, he deserves dat much.
    you thought he was stupid for not pressing charges against you and wena u super clever as he beats you once and you run to the closest police station. Mxm, i don’t feel any pain nor pity for you my dear LulamA

  25. these blogs have become my morning coffee…thanks a mil Mike.

    @Q n A: Sisi i do not condone what you did to your former hubby kodwa ke what’s done is done and I do not think that you loved your ex husband kahle kahle otherwise your ship wouldn’t have gone sooo toxic he too is human and he’s a man , men value their pride and taking away their pride is similar to kicking them on their balls….Lesson to be learnt and rectified and never repeated…seek counseling and deal with your issues. Write a letter/email or anything to your ex ucela uxolo thats just about it you can do to get closure ….time heals give it time uyobuye axole cause he doesn’t seem to be umuntu onenhliziyo embi…work on yourself, better yourself inside and out and pray to God,live, get yourself a new hairstyle, new wardrobe , sonke siyawenza amaphutha the best way to handle them is admission/acknowledge-apologize-forgive yourself -learn from mistake -refrain from repeating mistake and move on…..

    Good luck

  26. My mouth was just agape while reading through today’s dose including the letter.. I just can’t deal! I don’t know where some women of this world are heading off to but it’s definitely not off to the good

  27. Thanks Mikeesto, the chapter underlines how disturbing other peoples perceptions are regarding abuse. What a fight.

    Lulama, the Almighty Ken used to say ‘Attack me if you dare, I will crush you’ and man did your ex crush you. Even Gods favourite daughter says you deserve it….. You mustve phucked up badly then. umntu akalahlwa sisi, so let me try and salvage you olohlotyana.

    You seem to have a psychological problem that is deep within you and buried for years, notice how this whole thing was built up on your husband’s lack of argument skills. With that, you were able to be so frustrated at this man that wasn’t acting Manly in some twisted way you looked at it, you became impatient, your impatience made you annoyed which led to your aggression. I may not have a degree in psychology, but even a two cents shrink knows that you needed counselling with your Man at that point.

    Your frustrations were justified, nobody wants a walk over in marriage, but you had no right hitting him, repeatedly futhi. He didn’t do you no justice by tolerating that shit for so long either. I’m not saying he shouldve beaten you up when you started, but had he packed his shit and temporarily moved out, your wake cup call would not be too late like it is now.

    I won’t dwell much on him giving you a beat down, frankly,it was long time coming. I won’t dwell on you having him arrested too, we do what we gotta do. What I have a problem with is why the hell you failed to realise that your marriage was poisoned? You are both teachers right, ya’ll shouldve been exposed to all sort and types of shit, why couldn’t ya’ll be educated enough to seek help for each other? Its too late now anyway.

    I believe that Man lost all love and respect for you the minute you got him arrested for doing what you did to him for years. So get over it, get yourself helped and move on with your life, change schools even, maybe you will find a nice principal there. Don’t ever make the mistake of thinking violence is the answer, ngoba nje i-fast trap is never far away from Men, its easily dishable even.


    1. Yhuuu JackZorro…it irks me that when we women have a good man we consider weak and a walk over. When we get a bad boy we say all men are dogs

      She even has the audecity to say ” the mother of his child” caba she has more rights than him because she’s a mother, hayman nxaaa. Umqhela kakubi umntana bantu shame

  28. Nice chapter mike its a cliff hanger now i cant wait for for lulama my sister i have seen this im my line of work so many times.the problem with us woman is that when u have a good man who does almost everything to make u happy always puttiing u first,being the mordern man helping out nd spending time with you rather than his friend we find him weak.getting ur husband arrested for beating u up for the first time in years taking a stand against ur voilence what exactly did u think will happen when he got back.u should have never laid ur hands on ur man in the first place cos that is what got u where u are now.never make rash decisions when ur angry.i sorry to say u reap what u the roles have reversed on ur side cos here u are the abuser and yet ur all for woman and child abuse how ironic really.let the men go, u didnt love him u are hurt that now he will find a woman who will true appriciate him for who and what he sorry to be so blant but truth hurt we woman always play victims when it is us who make the man change into the monster our sister nd daughters will one day date.jail is no place to play they mean business in there ur lucky he came out alive he could have been killed then what?

  29. Lulama u deserve everything that u getting ryt now geez wat makes u think that its ryt for you to abuse a man n den say im the mother of his child my foot n i condemn him for divorcing n leaving you n he wud b a fool getting bck wif u NO TO ABUSE

  30. ok by reading this letter alone pisses me off. I was once abused trust me I know how it feels like I to leave home n be put in a shelter.

    but what u did to your husband was plain evil. u run to the police when he hits u backbu thing its okay to abuse another human being sies man. Man or woman no one is allowed to abuse the other full stop. Go get some help its obvious u hv some serious issues with your inner self

  31. Hi, to the abusive lady I only have one thing to say, you created what you are experiencing now, you r an abuser n a fake to other women n community at large. Live what u preach, how can u demostrate against abuse when in actual terms u r the worst abusive. Men respect women so much but the problem with you women is you take advantage of us n become abusive n drive us to the extremes. Grow up n dance to the tune you composed, let that guy live in peace at his new home. Seek help for your abusive ways and reform. I personally think the guy has forgiven you n chose to move on with his life. You just need to find peace with yourself.

  32. Awesome Mr Mike

    We have had this debate forever with friends and partners, and for some reason ladies don’t care what happened prior to a nigga hitting a girl. Its like a blanket rule “Man cant hit a Girl”, man is a pig for hitting a girl.

    lulama you remind me of my cousin, she can’t date normal niggas she sees them as weak(and would openly cheat on them). and she admits it. She is getting moered by her current bf, lays and drops charges, sleeps in hospital. my family just waiting to bury her. She loves the dude.

    A friend on the other hand is on the vurge of moering his wife, he says she is pushing him, she hides house and car keys so he can’t go while she tells him shit. and Note this guy is 1.90m or so tall, and muscular, she is a not big nor small and is short, he would squash her like a flea.
    but anyway
    Nice chapter and story.

  33. Can someone tell me why this “doctor” is married to this man? She is so full of it nxa! The minute you lose respect for a person then I don’t see the point of being together shame. I’m not an advocate for divorce but then there are situations where it’s due & in this particular union, it is overdue shame.
    You call him a weakling. You poke his face. You spit on him. Sis!!!! The fact that this marriage was forced also does not help the situation much yhazi. Oh well bla bla bla this is messy. #yawn

    Lulama… Shame darly, dzeal sisi. You were not wrong to report him. He would not have been wrong if he had gotten you arrested too (yes even as his wife & mother of his child). It is never right to lift your hand up on anyone that’s why people get arrested for it.

  34. SA women generally have a problem. Lu you admit to beating your husband up but we do it everyday. we belittle them, we disrespect them, we stalk them, its like we not satisfied until we can bring out the monster in them. In the same breath I will say that we are like this because of them. when men act like boys we have to wear our big girl panties and man up for them.

    I don’t condone abuse. your actions were really out of line. I hope you seek the help you need and realize that your anger towards him was about you and not about him. there’s no point in trying to get him back. you need to grow as an individual so let him be so that you can both grow.

    he might be go back to you but he will never be the same man he was before this indecent. there’s too much pain in this so please forgive your yourself and seek help so that you don’t remain this person. find out more about yourself and where the anger comes from before you engage in any other relationships because you will probably beat up your next boyfriend.

    there are people out there who are addicted to drama. they cant stand it if their is peace in their lives and go out of their way to create this drama. you sound like on of those people. you need to learn self control, self restraint and self love.

  35. Awusho weLulama ngempela what were u thinking? Wawuzibona uyisgora coz ur hub wayengakushayi? Cha shame u are a disgrace nje egameni labafazi wenze kahle wakushiya lobhuti who wouldn’t vele. I hate indoda eshaya umfazi but I despise imfazi oshaya indoda. Its despicable nje awunanhlonipho ushaya ikhanda lomuzi? Yaz indoda iyinhloko by right? He was given dat post by God if u ddnt knw dat go check ur bible nd den wena ke u thot ungadlula umyalo kankulunkulu uziphathe den expect ur marriage to last nd ur hubby to love nd forgive nd forget foreva? Cha uyinuku lomfazi shame. Ngathi ungangaphinde uyithole enye indoda.

  36. I don’t condone violence of any sort but Lulama you deserved the beating that you got! And how can you report him to the police while you know very well that you have been abusing him for such a long time. You don’t deserve him and his foriveness. You may not even realised that you actually crushed that man.

    Its really sad that men are not free to report abuse and rape because the police don’t take them seriously. But as men I’d enclourage you to report abusive partners and actually ensure that charges are laid. This is just to make sure that when you hit back you are safe as there will be reports backing you up.

    No one deserves to be abused. This goes out to all the people being abused, REPORT It! Before something bad happens.

    If I were you Lulama I’d be ashamed of myself.

  37. LOL Lulama…

    “…mother of his child…”? Really? Were you behaving like the mother of his child when you gave him a beat down like he was your child, and for all those years? No pity party for you here boo.

    However, I really think that you need help. For your sake and for your child’s sake. Your ex too, as you may have scarred him psychologically; abuse messes one up irrespective of age and gender.

    I also hope you’ll find it in you to forgive yourself, so that you can move on. Same goes for your ex, as there’s still a child that will forever bond you two together.

    All the best.


  38. Wow, what a read today.

    Lulama, This is the time where I wish Micheal Jackson was still alive, Just to sing one word from one of his many songs…


  39. I am a lady who hates all forms of abuse and actively work with govt and NGO’s to get scum that perpertrates abuse off the strsets. Quite frankly i dont care about care about what causes you to abuse so i leave it to the professionals. If it was up to me…

    Lulama, the way i hate women like you!!! You undermine all the work we do to protect VULNERABLE women and children. You are no different to women why cry rape to spite someone and when a real rape survivor reports, people disect and ridicule them because people like you abuse the system. Crying wolf is so counter-revolutionary it should be punished harsher. He should have reported you. He still can. Uyadinga ukufundiswa not to abuse the system. The same system that you used to get his hand broken, also works for all – including him.

    There is a special place and hatred reserved for women abusers abd rapists iñ jail, which is why he got the beatdown he got. When people falsely accuse their partners, even if they later drop the charges know that you are sentencing innocent men to be brutalised in jail / holding cells. Some men even get raped or sodomised bese nithi oops!

    To all abused men out there, reach out to organisations that specialise in abused men. Google. Check the Prodder directory. Try . Go on and stand up for yourselves and get these abusive women arrested and dealt with. Most importantly, walk away!!!

    It is one thing to abuse another but to actively march against abuse is beyond peperveted. You will pay for this. Let the man go. Co parent, but leave him alone. I am so angry at you I wanna organise Nothabo to spit in your face because what you have been doing is spitting on the face of those of us who try to make this a safer place for VULNERABLE women and children.

  40. There is this phenomenon of marrying people when we KNOW they are not right for us. They could be perfect, but for someone else. And we go on and marry them. Because they asked. Because we wanna show the ‘beeshes’ we won. Because we’ve been together for so long, marriage is the next step. Because the biological clock is ticking. Because they have money (yet cruel AF). Because they are beautiful / handsome although they bore/ annoy the daylights out of you. Because we have a child / children with them. Because family and/or expects it. Because we simply never imagined growing old alone so we ‘settle’. Because we absolutely have to have the wedding day, forgetting the marriage. Because when he asked, he was perfect but now that you’ve thought about it and seen more you have serious doubts but don’t want to waste the money already paid for the wedding or embarrass the family.

    Bottom line is, when you marry the wrong one, you will resent them. Snap at them for no reason. Kind and sweet gestures annoy you. You think they are a wimp / not WO/man enough. They can’t do anything right in your eyes. They dont cook like yo mother. They arent butch like your brother (probably in jail or a loser). When they dont put down the toilet seat, you blow a gasket. Everyday little things build up and things escalate. Words get harsher and more hurtful. A slap becomes two then a punch then a kick then a combination. Then weapons are introduced etc. All because you resent the person you are with.

    You know very well you dont want no broke nigga yet you marry an average Joe who will never be able to provide you with all you want. You know very well you never wanted to marry a girl with a child yet you on and either abuse the child or spend the rest of your days defending your choice to those you always told about this, meet another one without and then resent the one you married. You know very well your partner leaves things lying around and it grates yo tits, yet you marry them. You know your partner’s cluelessness embarasses you in front of your peers and friends yet you go on and hope for a miracle.

    Surely you knew he was not a ‘guy guy’ long before you got married yet you married him knowing you want at least one blue eye a week.

    My point is, young people out there, give serious thought to whom you marry. Never, ever settle because you will resent them in the long run. Then you will become a Lulama in varying degrees.

    1. i like what you said and how you gave examples of how people follow the expectations of society and not what they want.

  41. Lulama sisi you need to be ashamed of yourself… that is all I can say!!
    You do not deserve to be called a MOTHER, you deserve to be called a MONSTER!!! nxxxxxxxxxxx

  42. Siphi na kanti? Hayi Lulama sisi, ithini na lento? You have three questions to ask. 1.Were you wrong for reporting him? No you were not wrong for reporting him but you were wrong for acting the victim and yet you are the one that started the fight. 2. Should he have reported you as the mother of his child? Hell yes, he should have but because he valued what you had and respected your marriage he chose not to but instead he sat you down and told you not to do it again, did you listen? No, you did not, instead you continued with your uncouth behavior. 3. Is it write for a man to beat up a woman? No it not, but at times man are pushed to a level that they can not control their anger.

    My dear let me put it out there for you, you had a good man, a man that tolerated you and a man that shielded your bad ass behavior. A man you thought that was not enough, a man that you thought was weak for respecting you. When he showed you the evil that he can possess what do you do? You send him to jail! Girl, you need prayers and serious counselling sessions, your issues are deep, if you don’t deal with them, you will continue to hurt yourself and those that around you.

    You ex husband has forgiven you because if he had not, he would have stayed married to you and you would be living hell but because he is a good man and respects himself he opted to leave you alone! I am sure your husband saw that if he stayed with you, he would have lost himself and became a bad example for his son, something he did not want.

    Sadly, your man will date and I pray and hope that he will date someone who is worthy of his love, respects him as a man. Do yourself a favor, forgive yourself and move on with your life!

  43. Lulama
    I dnt think ur sck like jackzorro says. U took advantage of your mans kindness and developed a habit and a very bad habit if I must say. The man tried bathong but u kept on commng, u know y? At da bck of your head u blvd he had no balls bcos he respected u inaf to play dead wenever u wr arguing. Lol he knew u were the mother of his kid that’s y he tolerated the beatngs for so long, pity yo habit got strong, now u lost a man n u got no1 bt yoself to blame, commn now, the man had to defend himself at some point.

    Bt smthing tells me u da raf kind of girl, I mean how can a lady not appreciate a man who doesn’t fyt back or avoids conflict. U never talked to him calmly that’s y he played dead, m sure he also nevr spanked u in da bedroom a plus1 to yo fustrations. The man loved u inaf not to wana c u in pain bt no u wanted the kind of man whod choke u or clap u to prove that uchama emile nd wen he finally does that, u run to the police. Lol ay u something else

  44. Lulama Sis ozenzile akazikhaleli lie on ur bed, u should be ashamed of urself even to be called a woman worse to be a wife. That man am sure where he is now he is given love & respect those u failed to give them as a wife.

    As for Sizwe gud usile lo Mathabo wakhona

  45. Hai! let me start by saying thank u buti Mike and the team for putting this great work, big up to you guys, to this woman #thedoctor you are a mini vision of Lulama how dare threat Sizwe like he is u child, even that spoilt child of yours you never threated her this way, now come to think of it, I think the guy didn’t even wants to marry you maybe if it wasn’t because of your bully father,

    Everyone has to take a lesson on this issue because it affects everyone of us, do threat others they way you would like them threat u, lulama sisiwam go seek some help because u need it, good luck in future relationship.

  46. Thanks Mike…

    Shuuuu, what a letter!!!
    Lulama sisi,I only have one question.If he didn’t divorce you,were you gonna stop abusing him?
    I think the only regret you have is that he left you. It took his hand to be broken to realize that you don’t deserve him. I believe that if he didn’t leave him damn ubozo mshaya worse, ubozo mbonisa ispoki knowing ukuthi he won’t fight back cos he will be afraid that you will get him arrested.
    I’m just wondering ukuthi while you were busy boxing him where was the child at that time.
    I’m glad that he left, serves you right for turning a good man into a punching bag and a monster but don’t worry when I meet you ex ngizothi ukumshaya kancane for not leaving you sooner.

  47. Q&A – stop being selfish and go seek help. Wena o “moipolai ga llelwe”… U deserve the fruits of the tree u planted. Actually you should have been the one beaten up in that jailcell.

  48. Tnx team,
    Lulama IS IT RITE 4 A WOMAN 2 BEAT A MAN?o go trapile treg cos a batla go go bontsha gore ha a go tshabe ntse a go respecta nje!
    Todays chapter nd a letter di a tshwana lol

  49. Both these women we read about today are a disgrace to us women, Nothabo is too full of it, yerr! Whatever u are as a career doesnt change ur position in the house. How do u even start poking ur husband?, lokhu okunye kukhulu kakhulu ngeke ngikusho nokukusho. and she’s always bragging about being a dr as if kuqala ngaye.

    Lulama, ay angiyazi eyakho indaba, ubuzibona uright all along hitting ur husband kodwa mase kuza ngakuwe kunzima noma usumbophile, ubona ukth bekungafanele akushiye? unani vele le especial kangaka ukth ungaphatha kabi omunye umuntu and expect him to be happy about it?, you are selfish, not sure if that can be cured.

    Umehlise isithunzi umyeni wakho, wamhlukumeza, wamehlisa nokuzethemba njengendoda and ruined his reputation. it’s just too much for a single person. Go seek professional help once u realize that u hv a problem coz clearly u nakhu usabona ukth ubungafanele ukuboshwa as umama womntwana, lol that question is actually funny and I am asking myself what kind of a question is that?

  50. Yho you never disappoint as always Mike & am always looking forward to reading a next chapter. Thank you for honouring us with your gift!!

    Q&A: Dear Lulama beating each other up is never right no matter which side it comes from! U were wrong for physically abusing yo hubby and he was wrong for retaliating period. Physical abusive goes deeper than the physical & I hope hubby heals from the abuse he endured all these years. Coming to u I’ll start by saying we have choices in life and u chose to report your hubby to the police & I don’t see that being wrong. When u act u should expect consequences & accept those. I hear a hint of manipulation when u ask if hubby had reported u the mother of his child to the police & if that is there then it’s a concern. U need to learn some lessons in your abusive bhvr towards hubby so you can also heal & move on. Otherwise all of this would have been for nothing and it would mean u’ll do it all over again without blinking. No healthy person would timeously inflict pain on another like you did. That is why I’m saying you also need to heal. I hope u have a responsibility as a mother/parent to teach yo son good values abt healthy relationships (hopefully hubby does the same too on his side).

  51. Q2A:Lulama abusive s a no no.U hav punched him many tyms n he hasn’t reported u cos maybe shem monna wa batho thot other men wound laugh @ him hore he’s not man enough to fight a woman.He’s a gentleman n u hav lost that.Loosing a diamond in a palm of ur hand s a life tym headache but u deserve it.I wish u long days of ur bitterness so that u would c him succeed like never before.U r so ungrateful.
    Now lemme boost u hey,pray for a new u,seek a professional help,meet the spiritual healers.U seriously need help.Mhk but I bet ppl change especially in this world we live in.Once something u will always b that something unless u loose the things u like or the ppl u loved.

  52. Q&A: Lulama I suspect you have security issues. Its a pity u had to lose your loving husband to your abusive behaviour. You need help, no person is supposed to hit another person. I think you should let your ex husband move on, work on yourself, on controlling your emotions. Once you’ve done that, maybe go to him and ask for forgiveness. Not to ask him to take you back, or to suggest to get back together again. Its too much of a damage to fix. And whilsst there learn to communicate verbally and not physically. I really hope u go get help, so u have a better YOU. Do it for yourself, all the best

  53. Hey family….advise ur friends and family that are unemployed to register and send cv on the statistics SA HR database. The CS is coming and they need field workers, data captures, data processors, supevisors etc.

    Preferably unemployed people. Must have matric

    Visit…... closing date 31 July 2015

  54. You know I’m so frustrated today reading this blog and the letter. I don’t know if this is selfishness or hycricy, u think it is ok for u to beat up your man but whence beats u up you’re very quick to run to the police because u know they’ll take your side. Did u for one second think that maybe he had had enough. He did good by divorcing u, u didn’t deserve him. This is really an unfair world, when a woman has had enough and she hits back the world applauds her for finally being brave but when its a man, he gets sent to jail? Ay ay ay shame sistas uhambe wrongo

  55. Ta Adv Cmndr Maphoto; Great stuff there
    Q&A: Lulama yo letter sounds so similar to the rape letter in Rumbling not that I wud compare the2. Both howeva R 2deep forms of ABUSE which SHUD & CUD b avoided.
    Ever heard of the saying “there is a thin line btwn LOVE & HATE” It is very THIN. I think U pushed yo ex-partner to a “point of no return” U probably need counseling to understand how deep a cut U made 2his being, heart, ego etc.
    Wthout sounding feminist or anti-feminist, yo marriage was in trouble bcz of U. Let the guy move on. Heal & repent from yo ABUSIVE ways & pray that U meet a gud guy in future. Pray that U don’t get an ABUSIVE man otherwise stay alone bcz U cud end up KILLING each other.

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