Realities – Chapter Twenty Four

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Have you ever gotten the feeling that your life is falling apart and there is not a single thing you can do about it. Everything you touch seems to be breaking apart if not getting worse. It’s not a nice feeling at all. And that was me at that moment. Thing just seemed to be getting worse for me. My daughter was in jail, my husband could be heading there and we had a dangerous man coming after me. Here is the irony of all this, I was in this situation because I had not paid to what my husband had been up to all this time. I have to wonder though, was I the kind of wife who was was willing to go down with her man? A lot of women think its so romantic when they read or watch a bad boy husband cause havoc but if you were in that situation in real life then you are just playing with yourself. You are definitely delusional. I much preferred my peaceful suburban existence because call me conceited or whatever you want I had worked hard to get to where I was. I did not wish to be successful and it happened, no, I worked for it. I had made sure in life I could afford myself and my family a long time ago.

This was too much for one day. Now I was dealing with lawyers from Cape Town. I just wanted to be left alone. It was too much for me for one day.

“Mr. Sibani there is nothing I can tell you! I hardly knew the man?”

I told him. It was true. I was not lying about this point either because I hardly knew him. How did I get myself intangled in all this?

“I will be flying in to Johannesburg this evening. Where are you based?”

He asked me of which I said Johannesburg. Maybe I should not have told him because now I had to see him. When he hung up there was a knock at the door. It was my brother! What did he want? My husband and Kgosi did not really like each other. It was not hard to see way considering my own father had disowned him and that’s saying a lot considering whom and what my father was! My brother said my husband was selfish and only benefited his side of the family when we got married which has a bit of truth in it BUT with a big but. My brother in his matric years believed he had passed matric with his 40percents. He expected to go to university with those marks and blamed my husband and I for not putting up the funds for that at the time. He fails to acknowledge that 40 percent might be a pass to please the black government and make them look good but no one cares. My husband then advised him to redo his matric and it was at that point that he took offence and said we were insulting him. Ever since then he had refused help. When my husbands little sister on the other hand passed matric two years later, with a few distinctions here and there, he took her to university. In my brothers eyes that was favouritism thus why there was tension to this day.

“I just wanted to come see you its been so long!”

He said when he entered. My brother was never random. He always showed up when he wanted money. There was never a courtesy call with him. He had fathered a child yet he was a dead beat. Don’t you just wish that sperms were reserved for those that can afford and will take care of that child? I swear the world would be a better place for it.

“Eh sister! You have been very quiet where have you been?”

He said as soon as he entered. He was also very loud and had a tsotsi like personality. You know those guys that still wear a sporty and think it’s cool. I don’t mean what you call bucket hats nowadays, Lintle wears one, no, I mean the ones were people still wear on the side and work at the rank. That’s was him. He had on a pair of cavella which I had bought for him and he loved so much. From wedding to funeral he wore it and never mind the fact that it was maroon. I can safely say I bought those shoes under duress because it took me a full year from the day I promised him to eventually buy them.

“Sbali, how are you?”

He said to my husband. Funny enough my husband was feeling cordial in spite of all that had been happening. It was actually something remarkable considering how much they did not get along. They immediately started talking soccer. One would think we did not have problems in this house the way things were going.
I called my mother and spoke to her. I asked if Druza was there, that’s my father. My father and I had not spoken in almost a year because he was a bully and still a thug at his age. In the beginning I told you my father was a taxi boss in Qwaqwa and quite feared. Yeah, you thought Khanyi Mbau was the only one who was taxi royalty, so was I. I was not totally hopeless. My mother asked me why and I told her everything that was happening right up to gangsters. She. Reminded me how I had refused my father’s help because I thought my education would protect me now where was it. You see, people who deal with violence always think violence will solve things at the end of the day. My father and I had disagreed on principal over something he wanted. My mother did not know the details. My father had consulted me on taking a second wife and I had refused. This was after I had caught him with a high school kid whose mother goes to church with my mother. We had fought about it then he had the nerve to bring that up. Obviously I could not tell my mother because I would have hurt her. She now could not understand why nna le papa had been fighting like this to the point of not talking. She said if I needed his help I should talk to him myself. She asked me why I had put her grand daughter in ‘that house of criminals’ and I almost said she was a fine one to talk! Her husband, my father was no better. I did not say that though because I am certain my mother could slap you through the phone. I explained to her why again and she could not believe it. She said I was stupid and selfish. I should have brought her home to her. Not a chance! My mother, though my mother was a strict disciplinarian to the point of being sadistic. When I was sixteen, a boy from my school came to my house to ask for homework. She let him in. I then walked him to the corner which was three houses away and walked back immediately. That day she beat me up like I stole something saying I had lied, that boy was my boyfriend. A year later that boy came out as gay and guess what, she laughed at me saying how could I have been in love with him, she saved my life. As I was explaining to her something distracted me.

There was a knock at the door but I was still talking. My husband just looked at me which was clear there was no way in hell he was standing up. He tends to do that. He is that man who will ask you to fetch him water when he is standing in the kitchen next to the sink. I was emotionally drained for one day so I didn’t fight him. I stood up and went to open when whoever knocked again.

There at my door stood the devil and no, he does not wear Prada!

I lost my breathe for a second!

At the door, at my house stood the two people I did not want to see the most! The words just came out of my mouth as an inverse reaction

“Lesedi, Mthobisi.. what… What are you doing here?”

******The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Hi Family

Thank you for reading this and hopefully you will advise me.
I’m 28, in a relationship with this amazing guy, and he has kids with different women. I don’t have any children and always dreamt and hoped to have kids in a marriage and also hoped my first child would be my man/husbands first. I love him dearly but every time I think of his kids, I get depressed and experience some withdrawal feelings towards him. Not to get a head of myself, but I don’t know whether I will be able to handle being an instant mother, whether I will be able to deal with baby mamas (hate feelings towards them) and whether I will be able to love those kids like I will my own. I have accepted that he has them, and that it was all in the past, but I don’t know if I can live with this for my entire life should we tie the knot. I need advise not criticism, should I seek professional help? Should I tell him how I feel? Is it normal for a lady who doesn’t have kids to feel this way?
Awaiting advise

29 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Twenty Four

  1. Looks like this younger brother is the black sheep.

    Mbalenhle, ttalking is always good. Speak to your man so that you both don’t get surprises.

  2. Mbalenhle……..Talk to your man if you really loved him you will accept him wth all his flaws,u are in a relationship with him and not his baby mamas nor his children.

  3. eish mbali syafana, nna i had to end the relationship because i couldnt even look at the kids, every time he mentioned the kids i would snap, i developed hatred towards the innocent kids and i could not bear the thought of having 2 baby mama’s in his life forever

  4. Dankie Mike

    Lol So if the devil didnt wear prada, I guess u n husby weren’t wearing nada
    Your bro in between, but way more fresher. Hahahaa

  5. Ooooohhhhhhh snap…lol Devils that dont wear prada Mike my man you never seize to amaze me… Im lost for words bhuti yhoooooo….Friday come already.

    Thank you soo much. What an amazing chapter…

    Mbalenhle : Eish my angel, I dont know what to sa y. Iv been where you are hey.
    I wanted to have a child with someone who doesnt have a kid as well.
    Its hard though these days to find someone who doesnt have a kid , good a man as they are, people have kids nowadays.

    I will say though, talk to your man, he should be your first point of contact.He might just make you feel at ease about all your insecurities and reservations about this whole situation.

    Yes it wont chnage, it will be something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life because those kids arent going anywhere hey.

    Talk to him. Communcation is very vital in a relationship. I have awkward and uncomfortable conversations with my man much as I dont like it but it has to be done.

    If you cant tell him face to face, write it down and send it to him..thats what I always do , lol.

    All the best my love…

  6. Am I the first?
    Thanks Mike&Team,Mbali cc had da same prblm b4 bt I jst dd myslf a favor an liv dat guy,now I got myslf a bf younger than me bcz he dnt hv any kids dtz wht made me luv him more,cnt deal with bby-mama dramas.Y should u settle 4wht u dnt like?u dnt want 2b a step-mom 2dose kids ankre so quit

  7. Yoh nw Friday seems too far nd I cnt wait, thanx Mike
    Mbali my luv I’ve bn der nd b’lve wn I tel u “Ingane yomunye umfazi iyasinda” our parents cudnt handle it nd who r we to thnk we can play step moms. Bby mamas r d worst dey wud make ur lyf hell nd constantly complain to d father on how u dont treat their kids rgt which will strain ur relationship #So Slyza tsotsi

  8. A2Q i dont think you should settle for a guy with children if u strongly don’t want to get married to a man with children. rather don’t settle and look for someone else, however if u love ur man then COMPROMISE lovie. trust in his love for u and deal with the baby mama drama because u might find a guy with no kids but he doesn’t love u and treat u as good as the baby daddy would. food for thought though, if he has kids by different women then what makes u think he would marry u once he has a kid with u or if u have a kid with him? the only thing that can give u clarity on this matter is your HEAD and his HEART!!!! good luck lovie

  9. Tjo! people run for your lives – kubi
    Thanks Mike & Team
    Hai shem i feel sorry for baby mamas – they get attacked for no reason #isizwe sifa ngomntu omnye
    Mbalenhle if i’m getting this right you have not had an encounter with the kids or their mamas therefore there has been no drama yet? you just have a fear of the unknown, i suggest you speak to your dude, let him know how you feel then take it from there. You can also speak to ladies you may know dating dudes with baby mamas and ask their experience. I believe not every situation is the same and not all baby mamas are rude and barbaric and not all their kids are brats. You also did not mention how many baby mamas and kids you’ll be dealing with so it’s not easy to advise you to run for the hills or to work it out.

    Good luck

  10. Thanks Mikeesto, I wish I can fast forward, things are getting heated up in here.

    Mbalentle my dear, I’ve said it before and I will say it again, its hard to find people born in the 80’s with no babies. You need to get over your babymama phobia or start searching for that 2% that has no kids. Your chances are slim but goodluck.


  11. Mbali I used to feel the same way when I dated men with kids. I felt robbed of not being the one to give him his 1st child and thought that I could never find a guy in my age group (I am 29) who doesn’t have kids. I decided men with kids are not for me because I couldn’t keep pretending that I am ok with it while I am not, and now I am dating one who doesn’t have any and its wonderful.

  12. Thanks Mikeesto..
    Mbalentle I’m have a baby with someone , I’m not a baby mama , I’m a mother to my baby and the fother is married to someone els I don’t recall my self giving that woman a hard time , and I have no business with her husband , what I’m trying to say not all baby mamaz are trouble as long as ur man supports the babies there won’t be a problem

  13. Thank you ta-Mike…

    @ Mbalenhle, I believe there will only be drama if there’s unfinished business between the baby daddy and momma. talk to your boyfriend and find out where he stands with the momma(s) and let him address your fears. I am a baby momma to someone and I’m now with someone’s baby daddy and I will tell you, there’s been no drama from both sides. It could be because we’re both on the same boat but ke, if you love your man, not even a crazy baby mamma can come between you. Just don’t forget that the kids need their father and you could also encourage that relationship and everything else will fall in place.

  14. Q2A :packing up and leaving is not easy. When I met my man,a womaniser of note with 6 kids from different mothers, I opted for the hills but stayed.

    His good character beat all those things and I get along with all the kids and mothers. The thing is, I don’t give shit if I don’t receive it. You’re nice I’m nice…

    Maybe that’s why it’s working for me

  15. Thanks Mike

    Mbali I have two kids with my ex-hubby, I guess that makes me a baby mama. He didn’t wanna support his kids after the divorce so I took him to court and was able to get maintenance out of him. I have no business with him or his girlfriends. I have never bothered them not once, even when he was not maintaining the kids I still did not contact him instead I went straight to court and got it sorted out there. Not all baby mommas are troublesome. If they know about you and they haven’t contacted you in any way then believe me abanendaba nawe. Mina after my divorce I got myself a highly successful man, he is divorced and has kids. I have never had to deal with the ex-wife. We are very happy together. My point is, what other people are experiencing in similar situations does not mean you will also experience the same.

  16. Yhooo cant wait for Friday just had butterflies in my stomach when I saw Leased & MT’s name.

    Mbali my sister I feel sorry for u I am in a similar situation it will be our fourth anniversary this yr . I had only knew about his last born becoz we started dating when he had problems with his baby mama I had to find out that he have 2 other from different baby mama yhooo, I was angry hated him but kids will always be kids they are innocent. Sometime I even remind him to call them, my point we all not perfect and umntu umnthanda neBargage yakhe. Be careful to leave this dude going to the worse situation.

  17. Thank You Mike!!!
    Yoh now lesedi is in thug business wit ha hubby? Tjo ay ngeke!
    Jumbe family is goin 2 senga u. Imali nje kuphela nothing else.
    A2Q Mbalie talk 2 ur man, if doz bbaMomas give u trouble know ders an unfinished business wit em. If I were u nje was gona RuN hle!

  18. How long have you been seeing this guy? Have you met his family yet? Are there lobola negotiations happening? Have you talked marriage? Went for a second date even? Cause this sounds like a new relationship to me. If thats the case then breathe and take your time in getting to know this guy. Condomise and don’t be the next baby mama without a ring on her finger.

  19. Q & A, i could write you a book with my baby mama drama…when my bf & i started off he asked me if i can actually love his kids like my own, that’s because while we were still friends he sow the love i had for my best friends baby argh thats the story for another day my response was “my relationship with them will only be determined by them,the kids” and he took us all out & i promise you while driving to the park they couldn’t get their eyes off me, we got there,at first when my bf would try to get close they would call out for him hahahaha (as i reminisce) in just an hour next thing i heard they called out “mama” & i definitely did not look till my bf told me they were talking to me,ever since that day we have never looked back, while driving back home they both wanted to sit with me….all i am saying is show love & pure love to them & you wont have problems as kids can sense & feel true love.

    with the baby mama then, you can imagine how 1 would react when they call a stranger “mama” & you as the mother by name…she had still hoped that the would fix things with the dad as they usually did but my presence was a wake up call…so she tried every trick in the book from taking the kids away to showing up at the guys house announced in the wee hours but my man made it clear to her & set the record straight,he fought for the kids in court & we got restraining orders….she knows her place now…though now & again she tries to loose it but we have the law in our corner & the only way to have such peace is if your man really wants to be with you & sees a future with you.

    i never planned to fall in love with a guy with 2 kids but i love every minute of it, i cant imagine my life now without them…while loving them i always teach them to respect & love their mom,does the baby mama know that? NOPE she doesn’t & i am not doing it for her…my kids will grow up & speak highly of me as their step mom.

  20. Mbalenhle i am somebody’s babymama and i have never been a problem for him or his woman. Not all babymamas are poisonious. There are boundries talk to your man but if after h still feel u do not want to be a step mommy then please leave this man to find a compatible woman who will accept him with his kids because from my understanding you got in the relationship knowing that he has kids n u were fine with it so just deal with the phobia and treat those kids good when you get to meet them. U might eventually find a man that doesnt have kids n get married to him but u might also divorce then should you not move on with your life because now u come with a child?

  21. Arg Mbalenhle please u talking like u are expect to just take them in @ ur house…they have their mothers moss, ur boyfriend needs to just suppport them financialy and only see them when he gets a chance….dnt be such a sour baby please…instant mother??? Arg please!

  22. @mbali i hear what you are saying and yes to a point i understand your plight but as fellow readers have said,situation are never the same…now my question to you is what if the wheel turns you find yourself one day being a baby mama lets say maybe that happens,will you expect the man you find by that time to love and accept your kid??look at a broader picture and put yourself in other people’s shoes.Don’t ever say it won’t happen to you cause it can happen as you can hear some baby mamas come from marriage life and divorced..Think about that

  23. To Mbali, Lol am not a baby momma but a mother to my son.. Before I had a child, my baby daddy had 3 kids already at the time with another woman. And I since I was young and childless at the time I didn’t understand it at all.. I literally shared the same sentiments as you.. It got to a point where I wanted nothing to do with his kids.. Wat am trying to say is it’s not easy being with a man with kids wen u don’t have one.. Now that I have a child I know better.. And am no longer with the guy.. He is with sum1 and I dnt give him or his g/f drama at all..

  24. Hi wat makes u tinktury wat he has with u he has never had it?as in wat makes u tinktury herec doesnt want to makes u anoda baby mamá dat he wl run away frm? And mý dear dere wl be oně of dem dat is stl dear to him. U knw wat to do

  25. Tnx Mike for a great read. Mbalenhle any normal lady will have those kinds of questions. I used to date a wonderfull guy when I was young, he also had a baby with someone else and I loved him dearly. We used to call each other my one and he wanted to marry me, worst of all he was my neighbour, his family loved me as much as mine loved him but the thought of raising someone elses child. I used to pray that God bless me with someone I will love more than my one and who is not gonna bring burdens to our relationship and guesse what I did find my heart, the love of my life my husband of 23yrs and we have been married for 19 yrs with three kids. My one went back to his baby mama and they got married and have two sons. You alone can make the decision hore na you wanna go through ka relationship ya lona or not. Nna le my one we are now friends and he will always be my one but will never be my heart, GOD has bleesed me with a wonderfull guy that I will love for the rest of my life. Pray sister, it is a hard choice to make but at the end ke wena a tlo phela le that guy.

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