Realities – Chapter Twelve

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We are told that as a parent you must love your child regardless of whether they are a frog or a princess, a criminal or an angel! It’s an interesting one because when that child turns out entirely bad people start to say, ‘what kind of mother birthed that devil’ or ‘how did you raise such a monster’? It’s interesting at best how it is the mother and not the father that is forever blamed for the failure! I don’t get it why some of us women want to have one child because there is no guarantee that your child will turn out a success! In fact it should scare you that your child could die especially in this country where we commit crime for fun, or I think what’s worse if your child becomes that criminal we all fear. Girl children your fear is her becoming a village bicycle, mother at fifteen, on drugs or to put it mildly every single vice that’s out there, anything. That’s the reality of a Johannesburg parent because all these vices are waiting for your child to slip up! My point is, what do you do next if you have the misfortune of having mothered this child. I love my daughter with everything that I have. She is my very reason for breathing because I work so hard so that she only gets the best in life. I have no other purpose as far as I am concerned but most of these kids do not give one fuck about that! To her, in her teenage years, you are the reason why she is in unhappy and she can do without you! That’s the sad part!

I sat down on the stair case and I cried. I cried not because my husband had been telling the truth but because of the cruelty in the child I had raised. She might be a spoiled brat but up till two days ago she had also been a sweet child. What had snapped inside her? What kind of child had I raised? Had I been so blinded blinded by my love for her to have seen this inside of her! How does someone do that? My daughter was not a child anymore! She knew right from wrong and this was beyond. What was I supposed to do now? She had just made me chase my husband, her father out for the fun of it!

“That is cruel. I can’t believe you did that! What do you think your mother is thinking now?”

Nelisa asked her.

“Oh come on, she is stronger than she looks, don’t be fooled. Besides, she hit me so she doesn’t love me!”

I heard my daughter say! She had so much anger in her. I was not sure if confronting her now was the right move!

“My mother hit me once! I thought my world would come to an end! Imagine, she hit me in front of the whole school! For weeks the other school kids would laugh at me! I wanted to kill her. It took me a few weeks to realize that she hit me out of love and frustration more than anything else!”

The older girl explained!

“Has your mother ever hit you before?”

She continued of which my daughter answered No!

“Then how can you say she doesn’t love you? There are kids who get whipped everyday for next to nothing!”

I could hear by how my daughter replied that what Nelisa had said was affecting her.

“Look I don’t need your opinion ok! You don’t know my mother so you can’t speak for her. If your mother was so special why did my father leave her?”

Lintle retorted.

“E la lela Sisi, listen, I am not your mom, I will beat you right here, right now and I won’t give a fuck about it! Do not for a second think you can disrespect my mother just like I would never do that to yours! Do you hear me?”

Nelisa said. She had a temper. I had no energy to go rescue my daughter. I was done protecting her.

“I am sorry I did not mean it like that!”

She said immediately backing down. Maybe this Nelisa kid was not so bad after all. My daughter needed someone to tone down that evil side that had arisen in her.

“You need to apologise to your parents! What you did was wrong and only a fool fails to see it!”

Her words though! She sounded so mature when she spoke something which my daughter did not have in her. I stood up and decided it was time for her to leave and I was not even sure how she was going to go because I had no desire of driving her. I would have wanted them to converse a bit more because this one seemed to be imparting good lessons to her but it was getting late.

I went downstairs where I found Mapula cleaning up. I told her she could do it tomorrow but she said no, it would only attract cockroaches. I knew she had heard that confrontation and it’s very embarrassing when your maid hears all these things. What could I do though? I knew she wanted to say something but she would never dare as that could cost her her job. I don’t know truly how women do it. To work for another woman who is not only younger than you but she bosses you around too. I am certain she had words of wisdom for me but my pride would never allow to be advised by my maid. It’s true, most women have people have women with marital experience who can advise us but because we pay them we see them as beneath us hence why we would never ask them. Pride in all honesty has destroyed most marriages!

I tried calling my husband but he did not pick up. I had hurt him I know but how does one blame me? He had acted so guilty when I confronted him and my daughter had been so convincing. If I lost him this would be what I call losing him on a technicality. I had not jumped to conclusions! I had asked him in front of her and he had messed that up. I wanted my husband back because up till this week he had been a good man, a boring one, but good.

“Mom, I am sorry. I lied about dad! I don’t know what got over me.”

She said as soon as I entered the room. I think I had intended to react but I chose not to. I told Nelisa that it was time to leave. Her father had left so might have to get a cab. She said not to worry Rodney was already on the way. With everything that was going she felt it was the last thing we needed as a family, her being here! I assured her that it was not always this chaotic and I apologised for Lintle. She laughed it off and said she had seen worse. Her phone rang about that time. She said her ride was here.

I walked her out and Lintle chose to stay. We stay in a large estate and there are sub estates within it. There. Are boom gates and codes to enter these sub estates. He parked at at the boom gate but did not come in when I opened it for him. That was odd. She immediately walked fast towards the car but I kept up with her. I wanted to see this famous Rodney. I stopped when I saw him.

You know I half expected Rodney to be her age or closer but there was this man in the car. A real grown up man!

She kissed him as the car drove off and I know she knows I was looking.

What the hell?

This girl had a sugardaddy!

I did not want her near my daughter because she will rub off!

*****The End****

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Thank you for the wonderful blogs.

I am 31 and got married at the age of 23. Three years into the marriage my husband died in a car accident. He was 27 when we married. It was the most devastating time of my life. We had a son together and at home he was an only child. I loved my husband dearly. The problem is that my in laws seem hostile to the idea of me moving on and I won’t lie I am a bit ashamed too. After he died we got very close with my in laws. They substitute everything I earn and contribute to my child and indeed myself. I work as PA meaning I don’t earn a lot. I have been upgrading my education. I already have Honors in my field so it’s not like I have been idle. Getting a job though is a problem but that’s not my point. I recently met a new guy. I like him. I feel like I am betraying my super in laws if I tell them it’s time I dated again. It’s not just the love and support they give but the financial support too that I would betraying plus my son as well.

Please advise me on how best to tell them I should date again without losing them in the process.

Thank You

Slie

24 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Twelve

  1. clearly all kids take after they father. nelisa uzatrapa umuntu lol wonder wat wifey will say when she finds out hubby was 1 beaten by nelisa n nosipho

    1. I wonder what the wife will say when she finds out that hubby doesn’t only have Nelisa as a daughter, but Nosipho too.

  2. Gud morning pepo. Nice read as always. Enkosi mr Maphoto. Q\a sorry to hear about ur loss. I’ve been in a nearly similar situation but ke sisi dnt rush to tell them (your inlaws ) cos u dnt know what lies ahead in that relationship. Meaning if it doesn’t last u have to tell them abt ur next move ?

  3. the way your daughter is…..she doesn’t even need Nelisa to introduce her kosugar daddy. she can pèrfectly do that herself. Thanx Bhut Mike

  4. Great 1 again,Q2A bona as long as u a mother inlaw that’s vindictive n despiteful,forget about moving on,its only mothers inlaws who’ll bless u n plant understanding amongst the family about u Dating Again

  5. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome chapter. In the spirit of universal languages, ‘buen equipo día’.

    A2Q
    Today angaz shem yazi… Some men fight beyond the grave stru. I know a female who moved on too quick, according to those who see, leyandoda fought back and she became a whore overnight. I’m talking worse than selling body typ of thing. But ke you been alone for 4 years…. I don’t know sisi, but goodluck.

    JZ

  6. This doctor woman is so judgemental! Nelisa will not rub off on that kid…she is already a rotten child judging from her actions this last chapters. Mxm!

    Ah Slie, so sorry to hear about your loss. Please don’t tell them that you are dating again. im afraid that it is something that you will have to sanitise them to over time.

    lay the ground work . First – Sit down with both in-laws and tell the how much you are appreciative of the help and support that they have shown you since the death of your husband and tell them how you will forever be their Makoti as you are the mother to their only grandson. Assure her that they will always have access to the child and you will do your best to make sure that he grows up knowing his family.

    Then have a women to women chat with your Mother-in-law. Ask her about how she would feel if you THOUGHT about dating again? PLEASE don’t ask for permission. Explain that you are lonely and need companionship You may find that she is more will to accept the idea of you dating in future than a confirmation that you are already dating.

    Once she is in your corner, getting your Father-in-law on board will be easier.

    Good luck and I hope you get to experience more love in life.

  7. A&Q Sisi you’ve been alone for so many years, ain’t nothing wrong by wanting to find some happiness again and you don’t have to be ashamed about it. but what i’ll say to you is don’t rush into telling your inlaws about the new guy coz you don’t know what his intentions are yet, date 4 now and if he has good intentions you’ll know and take it from there. your in laws have been supportive to you through all these years and they really sound like good people, i doubt they would be spiteful should you find somebody to marry you one day, take it easy on them though and please don’t rush into anything especially publicizing your new relationship yet.

  8. QnA Slie
    Sisi yooo yaze yabhlungu indaba yakho ntombi.. im sorry for ur loss dear, hubbz soul z resting in peace. Siyakubongela ukuthi sekuvele lesigameko kodwa umndeni wabumbana wabamunye. Ts a selected few who do such as most families kungashona munye nje sekuyaliwa, kuhlushwa nomfelokazi aze acoshwe ekhaya–ewuu ya kundzima. Mmmm forgive moi for driftin n losing d focal spot. I don’t know what to say to u- in some families mabebona ukuthi deir son ushone usemuncane dey allow you to go, move on wit ur life, date and find happiness..u 31 meaning u stil hv a long life ahead ..surely u cant mourn for d 50+ years to come. And in other families the fact that u married into the family-u stik with dem in better or worse til ur own death does url apart. So ntombi I suggest u speak to ur mama in law umbuze which is the right way. Sikufisela okuhle kodwa gal, u are still yung and able. U nid love’ afterol it is a human

  9. Sli realy its ur choice..u can be a good daughter in law…n stay single 4 ever or u can develop a backbone and be able to stand up for urself and what u believe in… Its realy your choice

  10. Hi Slie

    My husband died when I was 24 and he was 27. I was expecting our first child together. He never got to meet her. The most traumatic period of my life.

    After he died, I also had that super relationship with my in-laws. They have been amazing. My daughter is not wanting and she gets all the love and attention that she needs dare I say they spoil her rotten. They filled the void that was left by husband. I started dating maybe 3 years after his death and I didnt tell my inlaws until I was 31 (coincindentally) when I fell pregnant with my 2nd child (I got married to that man). Initially they were heartbroken but like any parent they eventually warmed up to the idea of me having another child. They met my 2nd child and they fell in love with her. They would fetch her for the zoo and other outings they do as a family. So they see it as now having 2 grandchildren and I know I have 2 sets of in-laws (first and second husbands) as well as my parents. The point I am trying to make is, they will understand when you move on cause you are young and they want you to have a brighter and happy future. Wena assure them that you will always be umakoti wabo and that your relationship with them will be cast in stone.

    Good luck and God bless.

  11. I think your happiness should weigh heavily than those of your in-laws. If they stop supporting you financially then clearly they’ll continue supporting their grandchild. You’ve been mourning for way too long, you are still way too young. If it was you who died and your husband still alive, forgive me but he’d probably be married again with 3 more kids maybe. Forgive me for being harsh but its the ugly truth. Men have the tendency of moving on too quickly. YOUR HAPPINESS SHOULD WEIGH HEAVILY!!!

  12. Q&A

    this is very touching for me, im even crying even though kuthwa indoda ayikhala. Sisi this is a difficult one but your inlaws need to let go you are still too young to be alone for ever. So you dont have to tell them untill you ready

  13. Dont tell them anything, you never know where your new life will lead you.
    Just treat them with the same respect that you have always given.

    They are adults & I’m sure they also know (or suspect) that you have a person on the side. They just dont ask you out of respect because they are your parents after-all.

    The great relationship you have with your inlaws is precious & you should cherish that. The new guy must also understand ukuthi its for the best of your son that you keep things civil.

  14. If you are staying in their house, then you may need to tell the mom in-law but if not; just keep it to yourself until that guy decides to marry you or you get pregnant. Isn’t that what you would have done to your parents as well? Telling your mom if you are staying with her (to explain night out) but delay that information when not staying with her.

    I’m not sure about him sleeping over at your house; that will be upto you. Same as him meeting your baby.

  15. Ta Adv Cmndr Maphoto. I salute U.

    Q&A: Sisi Slie, sori 4the loss even tho its a while back. Those wounds take tym to heal.
    Just like U took yo tym 2decide 2move on, take yo time 2tell yo inlaws.
    Slowly bring in the subject in a way of trying 2have a sister or a brother 4their grandson. B4 U know it, they will be eating out of yo palm as they have been.
    Once yo new guy comes into play, I wud suggest U deny 2much support 4U personally & divert most 2their grandchild only. Most men W R mo territorial than women so he will want 2b more important in yo life them. Besides it will delay yo moving forward. Of course give them the respect & allow yo son 2stay/visit as much as psbl. Okuhle kodwa sisi! – PapaG.

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