Realities – Chapter Eighteen

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You know it’s true what they say when they say when it rains it pours. You can have a beautiful life until things start falling apart and they don’t stop. Why were all these things happening. Now my daughter was sneaking out at night, why God? I was so tired already and this behavior had only just started! Surely my life was not now reduced to chasing after my daughter. My husband had brought this one into our family and what ever bad demons were following her they had already come into my home. She had been in our house less than three hours and in our lives less than a week. In fact ever since her existence became known to us that’s how this family had fallen apart and here she was. I know it’s unfair to blame it all on her but I am sure if I was standing in front of a judge, presenting all these fact then he or she would agree with what I was saying. That dress though, where did she get that dress!

“It’s not what you are thinking at all!”

She said turning to look at me. I had not said anything at all but we all know that’s what guilt does. It makes you defensive and her she was clearly about to make up a lie. I had caught her red handed and I am grateful that I was not alone when it happened. My husband was there to witness why his long lost child was bad for us. I did not have to show him which would have made look like the evil step mother. I did not want to reprimand her though, that was her father’s job. He had to see for himself why this little devil should not be allowed in my house after tonight. He stood there and just looked at her. It’s like he did not know what to say to her! Men! Your daughter has just come back from God knows where this late and you have nothing to say! The look on my face was one of horror! He could not believe that his newly found daughter was teaching his baby all these naughty things. I could, I saw her with a sugardaddy. I immediately checked the car she had come with. It was a young man. How many men did she have really! I tolld my husband to go ask him who the hell he thought he was and at least this time he had the energy for it. My husband immediately when after the young men who true to form drove off. He left Nelisa stuck in the drive way! This irritated my husband so much that the boy did not even have the decency to hang around but one thing is fact, he would have killed him!

“In the house right now!”

He screamed at her and she obliged! She was too scared to disobey and so was I.

“How dare you do that? Your mother told me that you were a problem child but I didn’t believe her! Lintle is 15 and already you are sneaking her out! I am so disappointed in you!”

He screamed!

“My mother said I am a problem child?”

She asked trying to look innocent but you could see that her vein attempts at looking innocent really did not work. It’s not something she appreciated though.

“Yes she did and look around you! We are up 230am in the morning because of you. Who do you think should be blamed for this?”

He asked. Why were we shouting at this poor girl alone. Her partner in crime who had slithered away needed to be part of the slaughter. I shouted for Lintle to come downstairs to explain herself. She had somehow managed to actually go upstairs when she was the one under trial. I had to call her three times because the first attempt she was ignoring She was at least putting on pyjama bottoms when came down and she smelled of alcohol yet again. I could also smell toothpaste on her which I think is why she ran upstairs first to try and mask it.

“Is this what you want with your life!”

Sizwe shouted at her as soon as she sat down.

“Nothabo I am going to kill this child I promise you! What is wrong with her? She does not appreciate anything and look at her.”

He said to me before he turned to her! Why was he asking me? I hadd tried already and my part was done. It was his turn.

“Is this it! Do you want to be a teenage mother like all these girls out there?”

She just looked down and started crying.

“Every time we do something nice you throw it back into our faces and you Nelisa! You are the older one, how can you do this to your little sister!”

He asked her angrily. I wanted him to tell her never to come back but he went on and on about responsibilities. I just had to say it. I could not help it. As a mother, what would you do!

“Nelisa I don’t think you are welcome here again! I don’t hate you but I love my daughter more!”

I said calmly. I did not raise my voice. My husband was caught by surprise by me saying that and he immediately asked if we could talk on the side. I said no because I knew he wanted to change my mind.

“I don’t want my daughter to be a whore and I am not going to bring your mother into this either over how she failed with you but Lintle will not be a failure! I saw who picked you up! Now you want to teach my daughter such things and I won’t stand for it.

“It really is not what you think it is and my mother did not fail!”

She said defensively which only annoyed me more.

“Listen I know about your sister Nozipho! I know what time of family you come from so I see that you are headed that same path please don’t my daughter down that path with you!”

I told her sternly. I was not asking her I was telling and she had to listen. No more playing nice. My husband was incapable of making a stern decision but I was not nor was I going to sit back and see my daughters life ruined.

“Mum get over it already it’s not her fault. Nelisa you have permission tell her the truth please.”

Lintle said out of nowhere. She cut me off and again you could here her anger in her voice towards me.

“Don’t speak to your mother like that!”

My husband bellowed at her which made her jump in her seat! Nelisa looked at her and asked is she was sure about this because she could take it. This girl had a nerve. She was negotiating wwith my daughter right in front of us. This world really.

“No tell her! My mother blames everyone else but herself. Tell her the truth!”

My daughter said to Nelisa who at first looked confused before my husband said,

“Tell us what? Are your pregnant? Is that it!l

I actually laughed inside me at that thought because really, I think I would die if that was the case. Nelisa finally got her wits and spoke,

“I had nothing to do with it. She asked me to come pick her up and I was already in bed. I had to beg that guy from my building to go fetch her with me. I don’t even know him well! I was only helping but it’s fine, I will go home and never come back to my failure of a mother who taught me never to leave your family behind when they are in trouble!”

I was confused, I had been so convinced it was her,

Floor open up and swallow me now please!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

Good day Mike please posts for me.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for coming up with Realities, I am one person who can truly relate as I am living the story and hope it’ll educate others on some of the convictions of being a wife.

I’ve been married for six years and have two kids, 3 and 6yrs old. We recently found out that hubby has a son, Tido (not real name) who’s 10yrs old. This has been really hard for me because my husband has taken this thing to a another level and I’ll explain why. It’s a really long story so I won’t get too much into details but now that hubby has a son his put him as first priority. We agreed that the boy can come visit every now and then when he wants and luckily the mother didn’t mind. He visited like twice and he never came again because he finds the place boring. We live in a very quiet neighborhood and he lives in a township so I can understand why he feels out of place and I was happy to know it’s that reason because when he came to visit all was well, the girls (my kids) really liked him and he was so disciplined, like when we were done eating, he took all the plates from us which I thought was really sweet for his age and as a boy, I mean his really responsible.

My husband grew up without a father so he has this enormous yearn to be a good father to all his kids which I really admire but its starting to affect our relationship because he doesn’t like this thing of Tido not coming to visit so he decided to transport him to school and when he has time he’ll transport him home. When he told me about this I was upset because he didn’t discuss it with me first and his respond was “It’s not like you were going to say no” which is not the point, the point is, he now wakes up extra early because he has to drive to the township and back to town, it’s not much but he says the 45min drive with his son is a great way to start the morning as they talk about a lot of stuff while joking and playing music. He really loves his son, even changed his DP as him. I will admit, I am alil jealous not of the boy but the love he has for the boy, yes Tido looks exactly like him, it’s like I see my husband in his younger days, they really look alike but it’s the way he loves him, its different compared to the girls. And now he wants to open a separate trust account for him like we have for the girls, and like many other things, he just threw that at me and I just had to accept. I don’t want this to come across as if I don’t want him to do things for his son it’s just the way he goes about doing things, his excluding me and I’ve noticed that he doesn’t have much time on his hands but if his son is somehow involved, he’ll make time. E.g. he doesn’t like and has never gone shopping for the girls but with Tido, he comes home with cloths and asks me what I think (this is on top of the maintenance he pays). How sweet. However, it’s not the cloths – it’s how his never came home with a pair of cute dresses for our daughters, it’s how he can take time off work and actually go to the mall to get something for his child or maybe he wasn’t there shopping for clothes but he managed to spot something which will look good on his son but what about my daughters, how come he never spots cute skirts for them??. I don’t doubt he loves his girls but I just feel like with his son it’s different, at times I even think it’s not about the child but the mother of the child. Most married men who have kids outside marriage just support those children financially but yena his doing all these things I feel his trying to make an impression on her, not sure how but it could be possible and his argument is that his making up for lost times and wants his son to have an active father, something he didn’t have. So u see I can’t say much after that. He sometimes accuses me of being spoilt and the reason I act the way I do is because I had a supportive father hence I don’t understand.

We had a heavy argument this one time and I asked him sarcastically if he were to find out he had more kids would he do this to all of them which he answered and told me that even if he had 50 children he’ll split his time and money amongst each of those kids and not even a craze wife will stop him. He said it just like that, I felt so worthless and unimportant to him. He thinks I want him to not care for his son which is not it, I want him to show as much dedication to the girls as he does to his son and also involve me in the process, as his wife I want to part of everything that involves him. I feel so left out and I think my husband has unfinished business with Tido’s mother hence his acting like this and I can’t shake off the feeling that he loved her and directly or indirectly Tido is great link to her, becz I remember 13 months ago when we found out about Tido, it was a shock but even though he never said it, I could sense he was happy or maybe I am just thinking too much into it but how can I not when my husband is living a double life, like how many married men do you know that transport their ‘other’ kids to school every freaking morning??!….please help me, am so devastated

Thank You


48 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Eighteen

  1. Thanks Mikeesto, happy Monday team. What a chapter my gawd!!

    Miranda sisi, yho I can imagine its not easy being you right now, and the jealousy insticts are just natural under the circumstances. You need to talk to someone, ASAP. You have quite a lot to say and you need to say it to the one that needs to hear it most, your husband. I’d suggest printing your email and giving it to him directly or indirectly let him see it. This man needs to know what this is doing to you, before it further escalates.

    If he’s driving the kid to school,who’s driving the girls? When buying him sneakers, is he buying the girls Barbie dolls or whatever girls that age are busy with? One simply cannot make up for time lost, its impossible. By trying to make up for lost time, he can’t neglect the others simply because he has been with them from day 1. Your husband, yes his happy he has a son, but he has a wife and two daughters first. He needs to get his priorities right. Qondisa lendoda ama brackets.


  2. Q & A u are so unreasonable n so insecure its not even funny …. how can u say the boy is his other child? U will have to put urself in ur hubby’s shoes…what is wrong with him transporting his child? Really? Moes he lives with the girls he sees them every day? So why can’t he spare 45min of his time for his child? he’s been with the girls since they were born so the excitement has worn down ….u are being a terrible step mother

    1. Kbee, U such an ass. I am a guy and i can feel for Miranda. The hubby is being a dick. He needs to balances his time. What he does for the son, he must also do for the daughters.

      1. I also strongly agree with you Kaygee, Kbee u just talking balls nje this man needs to find a balance kule situation.

      2. Kbee, I am so with you. I think the wife is being unreasonable. The husband stays with her and the girls, he is there when they go to sleep and when they fall asleep, what is 45 minutes a day with his son? The husband is being a great man, Miranda sisi you should be grateful that your husband is honest with you and if you keep on being like this, he will end up hiding some of the things he does for his child. For your own sanity, do not even focus on the mother of the boy, do not even think about her, instead focus on your husband and support him in loving his son because when you love a man, you love him with all the package that he comes with. Rather than being jealous of the things he buys for the boy, remind him not to neglect the girls, that he should also buy those random presents for them. Isikhwele asincedisi in any relationship, esp when it comes to a child!

        1. Miranda must understand that the hubby will connect more with the son because it’s a boy thing. Stop being bitter my sister, he’s just enjoying time with his son

    2. actually kbee u need to read that email properly, the problem is not what the husband is doing for his son but how he goes about doing things, he should not disregard his wife and daughters just coz he wasn’t there for the boy before, that’s signing up for a disaster,even the kids are gonna end up resenting each other,this lady loves her husband’s son as it sounds but the way the husband is doing is gonna end up making her resent the boy as well.But lady don’t let it affect your relationship and make ur home sour, most men are incapable of thinking reasonably, if he’z thinking at all. talk to him and get him to involve the rest of the family in spending time with the boy,tell him how u feel or get him to read this email as it was suggested above.u also need to remember how men are when it comes to boy children, its completely different to girls and its something u need to understand and come to terms with, he just needs to remember that you are his wife and he still needs to respect that.

  3. Thanx big Mike
    Morning guys …. Eish this is really confusing now I see the results of taking decisions out of anger. Yooooh! Kids . Linhle is worce

    Sbu wa

  4. QnA:
    To answer your last question…I know a few men that transport their kids to school. And like your husband it sometimes the only time they spend with their children. Sometimes there are men that just genuinely love their kids. This to me looks like the “honeymoon phase” actually. He has just found out he has a son. Give him time to experience all these emotions and cope with them. The car pooling wont be forever. Men cannot hold out on some things. But also as your husband, if he can provide a better life for his son than he had himself or that his son is now enjoying he WILL try his best to make sure the boy has it also

    You are jealous clearly. But doesn’t your husband love and care for your daughters. Even if he doesn’t go shopping for them I know he does something different. Try playing an active role in Tido’s life aswell. Arrange playdates and outings where YOU take Tido and the girls places. Your resentment will definitely rubb off on your children if you dont find a way to deal with it. Meet the mother. understand Tidos home situation. Try understand why Tido was hidden away for so long. Then and only then will you be able to get rid of some of these emotions.

  5. Q and A, you have two choices you either find a way to support your husband or you fight with him in which you stand a chance of actually losing him, you right how many men out there are responsible enough too take care of their kids and try to make up for the time they were not there, and he does stay with the girls but he doesnt stay with the son in which he feels that he is not getting the same attention as the girls, and to be honest how many men do you know who have an interest in getting clothes for girls, that usually doesnt fascinate them, i believe if you had a son and he didnt get the things that he did for the boy then there would be concern, choose wisely and be careful of not turning into a woman who is insecure and imagines things anand talk to him about your fears not act crazily and end up breaking up your own marriage

  6. Mike, thanks for the good Read.

    Miranda my sister, It is tough being a woman. I know cause I am in the same boat. The difference is I don’t know the kids(2) different mothers (age 4 and 3) my daughter is ( 10) and told my husband to sort out his mess and don’t include our family. Yep being selfish

    1. Yes to be a woman is tough, but I think you dealing with something a little different, your husband was cheating on you… Your anger is justified.

  7. I did say No thank that you are raising a monster
    Q&A *sigh* ok let me get this straight you want your husband to just pay maintainance for the kid and leave it at that? Cause that’s what I’m getting from you. Does your husband not spend time with your daughters? I mean is he completely ignoring them? Have you considered that he actually buys clothes for Tido because he is a boy and he can see what will look good on him. And maybe he is right that you are behaving this way because you had a father in your life. Talk to your husband do not shout talk to him, that child deserves a father too like your daughters, if you continue like this you will not lose him to Tido’s mother but to the growing hatred and resentment you have towards this kid

    1. She wants him to involve her when making important decisions, that’s what married people do right? talk to each other about their plans

  8. Mike, thanks for the good Read.

    Miranda my sister, It is tough being a woman. I know cause I am in the same boat. The difference is I don’t know the kids(2) different mothers (age 4 and 3) my daughter is ( 10) and told my husband to sort out his mess and don’t include our family. Yep being selfish this time around for my own sake. You truly sound like a reasonable woman who has accepted the Boy in your family. Your man however is being inconsiderate when he makes decisions and not include you.

    I think TIDO being a boy it excites your husband as he does things with him that he hoped his dad could have done. Him buying his son clothes and staff he probably hoped his dad could have done for him. So he is just being a loving parent to his son. I believe he thinks that you are already doing the same for the girls why duplicate the effort.

    So this might have nothing to do with the other woman purely him being responsible as he knows how it feels like to not have a father. He just wants his son to know that he loves him. Maybe you should try and communicate with him (not fighting mood) and let him know that you would appreciate it if he involves you in his decisions. Let him know that you support the fact that he wants to take care of his son but he needs to make time for his daughters as well.

    You cannot wish TIDO away like in my situation were the kids came after our Marriage and I can justify the fact that the other women knew he was married and opted to have kids with him. TIDO came way long before you guys got married he just did not know about him. If you want this to work you can start by suggest going to pick up TIDO together so that the girls bond with their brother and getting to know him better.

    You can also buy TIDO some clothes when you go and buy the girls just to show him that you are trying to be a good step Mom. Do what you can do and let GOD do the rest for you dear.

    Don’t worry about the other woman cause really if he wanted to marry her he would have. If he has feeling for her its his to work through. Don’t confuse the two matters they are not related. He is there for his son give him the support.

  9. Thank you Mike

    Q&A I admire your husband for bring a good father, but he’s taking this too far. He should divide the time & attention to all his children and every decision he takes should be done with you.

  10. @Miranda. You need to let your husband be. This lil boy is an innocent soul, that is also adjusting to his new reality of having a father, sisters and a step mom. I think your husband is also just excited to have a lil mini him in the world. Let him do anything and everything that he wants for his boy. Stop comparing and saying he leaves you out. He wants his boy to have what the girls have (financially and emotionally).
    And you are his wife, he loves you, he married you, not the boys mom, don’t now start assuming things, you will lose the life that you have with your family. You are blessed to have a man that is sweet to ALL his kids and wants to have a relationships with ALL of them. Just be a supportive wife and step mom, by being interested in the boy too. How about you buy the boy something at the mall one day when shopping for your girls, it will mean so much to your husband.
    And lastly, remember that how dads and sons relate is different to how dads and daughters relate. Its all love but its different. Your daughters and husband love and welcome this boy, do yourself a favour and get on board. It will mean everything to your husband and you will have happy home, don’t sweet the small stuff.

  11. Q&A Honestly I would also feel the same. I’ve noticed that some men will love their children according to how much they loved their mother. I would also feel jealous because I would think he will end up cheating with the mother. But I think in your case your husband is too excited about having a son, we all how much men want want sons, and the fact that u only have girls has made him like the only son he has even more. You just need to talk to him because he will end up neglecting his daughters and when they grow up and actually start feeling the neglect, they will resent their brother. He still needs to spend time with his son but he must include his daughters.

  12. @KBee your response clearly shows that you are unmarried.
    Miranda is happy that his husband has a son, and she admires him for his yearn to become a good father. All she needs is for hubby to include her in his dealings with Tido. She commends Tido for being well mannered and responsible and her daughters are taking a liking to their newly found big brother.

    KBee its in our nature as women to want our husbands to direct their attention solely to us, now that she have to share it with a newly found child its difficult, even worse her kids are sidelined. I would understand if he was inviting Miranda to travel with her every morning to fetch Tido. We always have the WHAT IF’s at the back of our heads. What if he’s is falling for Tido’s mom again. Noooooo Kbee my dear ke a gana.

    @ Miranda you have every right to be insecure and to put your daughters in the front row – you are not denying Tido love for his father nor to benefit financially, all you want is clear lines of communication with your husband. Sit him down and communicate your feelings, remember to respect him as you speak to him. I suggest you invite yourself and the girls one morning and use one car as family to fetch Tido, after all you are all his family akere? Buy him and the girls T-shits and say baby I got our kids these T-shirt what do you think of them? let him see gore you are thinking of 3 not only 2. As of the ride to the township, noooo sesi tsoga vroeg you will put on your make up en route to the township. Mma Tido a ko tseela monna wena o le busy o setse o tlotsa make up in the quite neighbourhood.

  13. Dear Miranda,

    All I have to say is calm down sisi. Your husband only found out about his son 13 months ago. prior to that time, this poor kid did not have a dad while your own girls were being tucked in at bedtime, getting fed in the middle of the night, nappies changed, sharing meals and family outings.

    Everyday he comes home to you and the girls yet you don’t want the same for the son, you said it yourself that you agreed he would come visit once in a while, but my question is why this child isn’t entitled to see his father everyday like your girls do?

    He buys clothes for the boy because your girls have always had the both of you contributing to buying them “nice things” for years on end. Stop making mountains of a molehill, leave the child’s mother out of this situation, be honest with yourself that you are jealous of a child and in an optimal situation you’d rather not share your husband. Say it out loud and realise how ridiculous you sound.

    Your husband is a responsible man, he didn’t cheat and have this child while married to you, and the honest man that he is, he is trying by all means to be present in the child’s life. Be supportive and stop acting like a spoiled brat. He needs your support now more than ever. Instead of complaining about how he spends or loves his son so much, be creative and organise activities where he can spend time with all his kids together, take them all shopping or even a family holiday. be in a neutral environment where Tido doesn’t have to feel like a visitor.

    Take initiative to include his son, surely he’ll appreciate your efforts rather than nagging him all the time.


  14. Nice read Mike
    @Kbee being a father to the new son does not mean forgetting the family dt he has been with for the past 6yrs.the hubby shld @lst understand Miranda’s feelings upon the discovery of a new child.the best thing I think he shld do is take the girls and the boy after skul.ths way the gals will nt feel the boy is taking their daddy away frm them hence hate him.wifey wnt feel jealousy if he sees the gals taken along too.
    Miranda I suggest u talk to an elder or someone who mentors u as a couple, since hubby cnnt understand ur plea nw maybe he will understand a neutral person.
    Wishing u the best in ur marriage

  15. Thanks Team.
    Q & A: it’s natural to bea bit jealous, but don’t let it show. Just ask Hubby to include you in the decisions that he makes even if he knows that you won’t object to it. I know it sounds easy coming from somebody else, but kuzodlula. Umlilo we-tissue. He loves all of you here, you, girls and Tido. Don’t even start entertaining thoughts about Tido’s mom cause they will lead you to wrong conclusions, wrong shoulders to cry on,…It’s not easy sisi, most married women have experienced this sudden boom of affection for some newly found child…, and it makes life difficult in the house. But do not fight your hubby, you’ll always come up second best against ingane yakhe.

  16. Dankie mike

    A2Q sisi miranda u one lucky heaven of a woman to hv such a caring husband like that. Ask your self, wouldn’t u be happy if ubungumama ka tido? I mean anqabile amadoda who take responsibities hands on wena jst support your husband, I mean the guy is making up for loss time
    Cut the guy some slack

  17. I seriously don’t like this Nothabo woman. She’s judgemental en thinks everything evolves around her. She knows very well dat she has given birth to a spoilt en troublesome brat, but still wants to shift de blame to everyone closer to de situation.

  18. Miranda

    You and your husband are operating on different levels. I know you mean well however your approach is negative regarding your household situation.

    1. You are currently a partner who seem to not know your husband’s fears, while he is approaching his son with fears. Everything he has done is out of fear which you know and he is certain he shared that with you. He doesn’t want his son to see what he saw, experience what he did growing up without a father a protector a mentor a buddy a hero. these are his fears which is turn can clout his judgement. you need to operate in this window, you need to approach him knowing that.

    2. Leave the insecurity out of this, Leave the Ex girlfriend out of this, stop comparing your husband to other outside husbands who you don’t know what did they have to give up to only pay maintenance to their kids. This world needs fathers to love and support and protect their kids.

    3. You seem to be a well of family, you talk about trust funds. I can imagine its torture and terror to your husband for him to go to a nice quiet home, sleep in a big house drive a nice car while his son sleeps in township. It’s a terrifying thought that his son has to take taxis usually those avansas, e20 kombis even you wouldn’t really feel safe your daughter commuting on them, that’s what eating him and he knows he can’t change much about it expect do the 45 min drives and give as much as he can. He loves you and your kids never doubt that or even comparing it because that also means you are loosing focus.

    4. His approach is from knowing that you and his daughters are always and have been secured, he knows he comes to you everyday, your daughters have their own trust funds.

    So don’t loose your mind, don’t become an enemy in your own home “This lead to him excluding you into decisions as u seem unsupportive or understanding to his fears” because truth be told you know your husband’s fears which are his childhood experiences that are affecting all of you. so approach like a team player or a partner who is part of the situation.

    PS: You are such a great mom and partner, you do deserve attention, you do deserve involvement after all its your household.

    NB: Don’t compare your husband to others who just pays money to make a problem go away, money doesn’t always solve everything. Don’t be shaken he choose you and he has been by your side ever since. He uses negative approach to get you involve by buying him clothes then asking you what you think?

    A general view, You should notice how kids with both parents r just so confident and happier versus the ones raised by single parents – its a general view. It would make a huge difference in the world if fathers can be involved in their kids life.

    KaManyosi said it umlilo we tissue.

    1. Yhoo.. man, I love your mind. You wrote so much sense I actually took this for my own use as well.

      All the best Miranda

  19. Nice 1 Mike you never disappoint.

    Q&A Miranda I understand where you are coming from, its so easy for “people” who have never been in your situation to judge you.
    Your husband is still excited
    It is natural that you would feel the way you do, your husband must include you in everything and you both must make decisions. talk to him in a calm manner and try and show him where you are coming from, it is clear to me that you have accepted the child. the least he could do is meet you halfway, he must not forget about you and your daughters. So tell him you want to be part of the son’s life, he must not bypass you.

    Good luck sisi

  20. Tjo!! some people’s comments! you’d swear Miri has commited the biggest crime ever. The woman accepted and welcomed the child for goodness sake. All she wants is for hubby to involve her in decision making – they are after all married and supposed to make decisions TOGETHER and who wouldn’t feel neglected the way he is carrying on? She is neither denying him seeing/spending time with Tido – it is just the way he goes about doing it. Maybe HE must stop being SELFISH and think of his wife and consider her feelings. How would he have felf if roles were reversed? Miranda someone advised you to print this e-mail and give it to hubby i second that or maybe write him a seperate more personal one and just express yourself coz it seems like he doesnt hear you when talking to him; just be careful of the tone you use in the letter as well coz you do not want to come across as being aggressive when raising your concerns.

  21. OMG the letter is sooooo long longer that the insert and the comments are way too long either.

    I need to lie down to read everything shuu 🙂

  22. Thanks Ta Mike. Cha lodokotela uyazitshela aisuka mani. She is so up there and her is daughter is like gold she never does anything wrong infront of her eyes

  23. Now I believe Lesedi, Nothabo is too judge-mental!! Was waiting for Nelisa to punch her so hard!!!

  24. Thanx Mikeesto!

    Dear Miranda, I can get what you mean although it is difficult to put objectively since it touches you. If I can take the children for example. The hubby is over compensating bcoz of lost time and it makes u to feel insecure to not be involved in his decisions re this boy since there’s history with the mother. My concern is from the children’s eyes…when he brings stuff he bought for his son & nothing for the girls how does he explain that? 2ndly he’s spending time with his son bcoz the son finds your area boring….his relationship with his son is continuing but when do the girls get time to bond and have a relationship with their brother? This is not just about him. One day you will not be there as parents, the children will be left alone (hopefully as adults) in the world, how will that impact on their relationship then when they need one another? This is not just about here and now. It would be advisable to get somebody neutral (pastor, family elder, or marriage counsellor) to facilitate this discussion so u can have the same level of understanding.

  25. Q&A Miranda your husband has a double life now, all you have to do is find out is if the mother of your stepson has a boyfriend/husband or not, your husband is transporting both the mother and the son to work and school period, in future just except a second wife in your relationship. Men ain’t loyal I’m a men I know long lost girlfriend with a son makes a man happy, boom excitement of having a son after having two girls.




  27. sis miranda. I think mina uthatha izinto wrong and by doing so uzogcina uba nenkinga emshadwen wakho. How was your marriage before lomtana afika? Who was buying clothes for girls before that? Zibuze lokho sisi. Otherwise u’ll lose everthing including your husband if wenza kanje. Mina nje sengbon umama ongathandi umtana wendoda yakhe and lokho can cause more harm to you sisi. Lomtana akahlali nani, le 45 min azam uy spender nomtanakhe, kuwe seyinzima kangakho? And i think its easy for a man to buy for a boy child than girl. Hlala phansi sisi ucabangisise kahle. Atleast lobaba uyaktshena.. So ufunani? Ufun anganak umtanakhe? Ukuth asende imali engamboni aksebenzi, imali ayisilo uthando noma inganingi kangakanani. Uma kungenathando, naleyo mali ayisho lutho sisi. Awkhule sisi..

  28. Wow, its funny how judgemental we are as women. We are good in throwing a tun of bricks will one is already on the floor. One wonders you were in Miris’shoes you will follow your own advise.

    Miri, I understand where you are coming from and feel your pain sister. Your husband is selfish and arrogant. You have welcomed his child in your own house and have been nothing but supportive to him. You are not asking for too much, just to be included in decisions that have a bearing on your family time and family cash position. His actions are what is making you insecure and jealous, and its justified too. He should have his prioritise straight and start treating you like a partner in your own house not like one of the children. Why is he punishing you and putting your kids at a disadvantage as if you guys are to be blamed for his carelessness in impregnating somebody else before you. You are not saying he must not support his son, not spend time with him or not but him clothes but what you are asking if for him to discuss these things with you – you are not asking for too much. I’m a single mom and I would not like to have my joy at the expense of another woman or family. Its men like him who create a rift between siblings by showing favouritism. Yes I respect him for wanting to be a responsible father, but he must be fair too.

  29. Dear Miri,
    There is something to be said about both sides of the story. I can understand your hubby’s enthusiasm, and yes he is being responsible but he is the only one building a relationship with Tido. You are justified in feeling the way you do. You have to talk to him. Tell him to include you and the girls as a family. Make him understand that the girls also need to build a relationship with their brother. And vice versa. This is not just about him kuphela.
    If he keeps going like this, he might just drive a wedge between his kids. Instead of bringing them together. Also, you can suggest family activities and invite Tido. Perhaps hubby will then see then he needs to build a family rather than Tido-and-a-family.
    As for Tido’s mom, don’t even entertain that thought, or you will go crazy.

  30. Jackzorro I salute u my dear I wish I can talk to the husband n let him know that he will loose this wife if he keeps on I wish I can do something I feel a lot in my heart for that woman kbee I don’t like u. I guess u stil young but what u saying its bull. Just be in a situation u will feel that ppl have blood unlike u..Miranda I ran out of words I wish I can also talk to u

  31. Yhoo this kbee person sounds horrible,udinga uJesus shem. For starters nje who said Miranda wanted to be a step mom, now that she is choosing to welcome this child into their lives you tell her to swallow the bitter pill or risks loosing the hubby, why do we assume the hubby is worth more than the wife in this marriage ( I mean the people that r busy saying Miranda will loose the selfish husband) Loose her sisi if he can’t manage his time and his affairs right. BALANCE IT OUT CRAZY HUBBY. I hate men abangakwazi ukuphatha imizi yabo. Now his family must come after Tido! Why is it their fault he is known now, why r they suffering Clearly the wife can live happy with Tido and the family, He should do the same live for both worlds. Listen to Pmat, me too I rather not know what he does if he can’t be a man about it. I worse le yoba ngoku he says u r a crazed wife for fighting for ur kids as well u choose that man to be a father for your kids as well why must you be arguing now for him to see he is doing things one sided,Gosh I would show him a craze wife.

  32. HOLA7 said it all read His/her comment PS in a marriage you don’t fight to be right ngoba you will surely lose all the wonderful life you have but fight to win always he is blinded by his fears sisi nothing more nothing less He is loves you to an extent that he thinks what he wish you wish hence doing without approaching you he is sooooo wrong by doing that but wena fight the good fight so that your family wins be a wise wife yes you have a right to feel like you do kodwa again I say be a WISE WIFE HOLA7 said it all your winning is in His/her comment

  33. Ta Adv Cmndr Maphoto – Salute.

    Q&A: CC Mirinda I respect U 4welcoming yo hubby’s son in yo family. I need 2know from deep down yo heart, wud U be complaining if yo man was the opposite? If he was an absent father 2his son & say as long as he is paying maintenance that’s ok??? Yes H have a point, he is being extreme but his extreme is bcz of 1) its a boy – most dads connect or even love their sons more than their dotaz. 2) His is compensating for not just lost time but also his personal experience of missing his own father.

    My suggestion is: Don’t also be extreme on your reaction. Be the gud wife U’ve always been & work with him in his “errors” & b4 U know it, he will get around. Remember this is new to him asuch as it is to everyone concerned & U will B learning together how to handle the “challenge”. As others said umlilo we tissue. U don’t know if he will sustain all this but always support yo hubby in all the changes that may or may not happen. Gud luck.

  34. So he sees the girls EVERYDAY and they get to say “goodnight daddy” to his face every night and you are complaining about him giving 45 min a day to his “township” son???

    You are selfish, I doubt you would even be able to love an adopted child the way its all about “your” kids…O selfish shame hai,

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