Rumblings – Fifty Three

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

Many girls know this, when you like a guy and he puts in an effort but you play hard to get just to make sure that his intentions are pure then suddenly he stops giving you panic! Yes I was panicking! Your swallow your pride real fast because good men are few and far in between. All girls have been through this. We are told that playing hard to get makes you virtuous and a lady thus you must aspire to it. Girls who say yes to a guy after a day or two, even a week are considered loose and sluttish. As women we tell each other that he must work hard for it and even when he does we expect him to continue pursuing. Even when we don’t want him, it’s flattering to know a man wants you. The irony comes when he stops chasing, even if you didn’t want him it feels like you have lost something! Even if it’s an ugly guy, imagine such saying that he does find you attractive! Yho, my ego can’t handle. Tidimalo was neither ugly nor just another guy. I won’t lie, I am not sure if I wanted as my man or as a friend. There I said it. It was too soon and I had too much going on in my life right now. What did he mean by what he had just said Tidimalo had been with me through all this and now he too was leaving me! I tried to call him but he did not pick up! Wait, he left with Aurelia. I called her.

“Faith, everything still ok?”

She asked me as soon as she picked up. I could hear music in the background meaning she was at that braai.

“No! Tidimalo just said he won’t be talking to me anymore! What did I do wrong?”

I cried to her. She too sounded genuinely surprised but said she had no idea. She asked me if I had tried to call him of which I confirmed. She apologized and said I should be patient and wait for tomorrow before I call him again.

I went to bed with such a heavy heart. It was like there was a hole in it that no one could fill. I think I even had nightmares. Amo didn’t make things easier. He cried all night and I was awake half of it. Babies really know how to sense when something is wrong.

In the morning my mother was gone by the time I emerged from my room. I did not think she was working today so I am not sure where she had gone. I called Tidimalo once more but he did not answer. Oh well I was not going to beg for friendship. We single mothers don’t have that luxury of chasing after men as we have to focus on other things. Besides we know better than most the true character of a man. It was easier said than done though. Inside me I was having panic attacks as to how I can get him talking to me again. He had not said a word about wanting me back so what is it was he on about. I would understand if he had tried and failed but he had not. That is what turned that panic in confusion and confusion into anger.

When I was cleaning I got a call from a landline. It was Mudenda and guess what, he was fuming. Is the guy ever happy. He was the one who had called me yet he was the one angry. I should not have picked up!

“I knew that’s all you wanted, money!”

He said to me after I said ‘hello’. I asked him what he was talking about and he told me not to pretend as though I did not know about the Maintenence Court. I told him I knew obviously but they had not gotten back to me yet. He started shouting at me but from what I gathered they had given, him, us a date. He asked me how I can humiliate him like this and take him to Maintenence Court like he was common criminal. I actually laughed at his tantrum. Why was he so mad? Last I remember is that when we were making the baby he was the man in bed, huffing and puffing with his peepee inside me! He had clearly forgotten that part. Men actually find it embarrassing to be paying maintenance because it reminds them of the failures they are. Whether they like it or not, hate you or not they are forced to stay in the babies life!

“Mudenda, it’s done, get over it”

I told him after I stopped laughing. Yes I know it bad but I had to laugh at this guy. Whom did he think he was? I was not begging him for money, I was making him do the right thing and the right thing was take care of his child. Hellen Zille was right when she said men who do not pay maintenance should be blacklisted. They act all rich and mighty to other women, buying them gifts, taking them on holidays, driving fancy cars but the moment the word Maintenance comes up they have no money. That is the most frustrating thing about these dogs!

“See you in court Mudenda!”

I said as I hung up. I did not have time for childish behavior!

I resumed my cleaning and an hour or two later my mother walked in.She was holding forms which in bold were written Thuto Bophelo Nursing Academy. This woman was not kidding. She went straight for my sister’s room and I had her bang loudly and shout that she must come to the sitting room!

It was after eleven and she was still groggy showing she had just woken up! I am sorry for me only a lazy person can sleep in this late! How do you even do it? You can’t hear the cars outside? I cannot! When she saw what my mother was holding She looked at me defeated but my mother was not letting her off the hook!

“I want you to fill them in right away because I want to take them back.”

My sister wanted to take them to her room but my mother insisted she do it right there in front of her. That was so not necessary but she was a woman on a mission!

She started telling me what a good college it was and that it was in Pretoria far away from her friends. She will not get up to bad behavior. I don’t know why people in Jhb believe that Pretoria is far because it really is not! They also look at Pretoria as though it has this kind of innocence but because I stayed there I know it has just as much crime as Johannesburg, drugs and worse, prostitutes! Have you ever driven down Schoeman towards Hatfield? That’s any eye opener! It’s like open season and the police just drive past! In my first year one of my friends stayed at The Fields, a student building across campus! I have heard of Milpark and Laborie Village in Auckland Park but I will put money on it when I say the girls there are amateurs when it comes to that apartment block! Why then does it have this innocence? This was a bad idea but how do I bring it up? My sister was on drugs before and I don’t care where you are in Gauteng, everyone knows Sunnyside is the hub, the supply point. Bad idea.

“Mom are there no colleges you can put her that are not in Pretoria because it’s more dangerous there than here?”

I asked. My sister I think thought I meant in Johannesburg and she smiled weakly at me.

“Imagine if she can stay at home and attend, it’s cheaper as you won’t have to pay rent and you monitor her work personally!”

I asked her. It was a good argumeny I think. My mom stood up and said coldly,

“It’s either that one or one in Limpopo! I want this evil child out of my house!”

She walked away. My phone rang… It was Meladi!

“I didn’t ask for your help!”

My sister hissed at me!

*****The End******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Thanks for the wonderful books Mike!! #blacksdoread
Morning fellow readers forgive me for this essay.
I have been in a relationship for 2years and we work together but in separate departments though. We are both childless and not living together. I recently had an operation he only came to fetch me from the hospital and that was it, no calls to find out how I’m doing nor check in to see if my recovery is going well (and this is a steady relationship). Instead he can ask me to come sleep over and when I question him he tells me he doesn’t have petrol money to come see me yet this guy lives 35min away from me. If there is a funeral at his house I take leave and I’m there from Thursday until Sunday helping out without him having to ask. I get paid 2-5 days before him every month I give him like R1500 to cover him till payday cause I know he is broke around that time. If a man cannot make a plan to get atleast R100 petrol to come see me “he’s better half” “he’s soulmate” what kind of man is he going to be in future? Am I wrong to feel this way? If I am right what do I do?

Shocked partner

49 thoughts on “Rumblings – Fifty Three

  1. Lol this book is teaching me how to be the dramatic baby mama incase one day I end being one halalala Faith teach him a lesson

    thanks Bra Mike and team for the early dose

  2. Shocked partner he is not into you. I’m sorry but you are an atm to him. He won’t make an effort for you, and you are all over him. This is a dead relationship.

  3. Yay… First one to comment… Shocked partner this man clearly doesn’t love you, stop giving him cash toe!!! Walk away from this relationship coz clearly he doesn’t have time for u!

  4. 1st time commenting…always looking forward to a good “Mike”dose.

    QnA If your “man” really loved and cared for you, he’d be there 24/7 making sure you’re well looked after. To me he just seems very selfish……

  5. Today I finally got the guts to comment, I have been reading this block since june 2013 and I have to say you very much talented and I am addicted to this blog. Enjoy your day everyone and lets keep on supporting Mike.♡ ♡ ♡

  6. Never, never and never again shall it be that this beautiful land will again experience the oppression of one by another and suffer the indignity of being the skunk of the world – Nelson Mandela #NoToXenophobia

  7. Thanks Mikeesto, daily dose.
    Winter is upon us, stay warm Fam.

    Shocked Partner, Lol the alias you used cracked me up. So this guy is an uncaring, inconsiderate and broke whimp, and you with him for the why? 2years is enough time to know people’s behavioural patterns and I think within the first 6months you shouldve noticed. Unless ofcourse this IDC attitude started recently. If he can’t even call to check up on you but calls for his ‘needs’ then this guy is probably not the one you expect him to be.

    We owe it to ourselves to make sure that we select and engage with people that are compatible to us and makes us happy unconditionally. Settling for any Tom Dick and Mudenda won’t cut it, coz then such letters won’t be seldom. Speak to your man, get him right, you are a woman, you have superpowers that are Godly, use them. You can make a man do anything you want, start practicing your magic sisi.

    Good day

  8. This sister is a problem. QnA: That man is not your soulmate. He doesn’t love you. He is using your generosity and you are following it. A man must provide. If he is broke a few days before payday then he needs to be a big boy and make a plan on his own. This will only end badly for you. Don’t act hurt when he lavishes his side chick who ends up being his wife.

  9. Thanks Mike.


    Kanti what is it with women and maintaining men!!! I agree with Jackzorro this guy is taking you for a ride, leave him and find someone who will value you. Like my mother always says “when a man shows you his true colours believe him don’t try to change him” If you can’t accept his IDC Attitude then walk.

  10. Lovely read as always

    Q&A sisi wee! Y in the world are you giving a grown ass man money to take care of himself til leyo monthend??? He shud be responsible enuff to save til monthend: a sign he’s irresponsible 2) stop being naive sisi weee if this guy can’t even come c u after an op n he is allegedly ur man wat else are you waiting to see?? STOP giving him the benefits of a steady girlfriend if he won’t reciprocate

  11. Thanks Papa Mike, Judith better take this opportunity and stop her childish behaviour.

    Selfish doesn’t begin to describe his behaviour, does he even know why and where you had the operation.
    This man doesn’t have umbulelo tu.

    Talk to him about his behaviour and how hurtful, questionable it is. If R100 is too much he could’ve used a public transport which I presume it’s less than R 100 considering he is less 40 minutes away.

    Some man are just parasites, the way I see it you do all the giving and Mr is doing all the taking.

  12. Enjoy your world book and copyright day Mike and family

    Q&A it hurts to see our fellow sisters going through Hurt because of inconsiderate guys, if he loved you he would be caring but as Jackzoro said has he been like this for the whole course of 2 years? Then if yes that means you are also willing to settle for less. Not knowing your age but assuming that you are in your 20’s if not early 30’s then I don’t know why you don’t khaba lenja he’s clearly still with you for this monthly allowance that you giving him and worse he can’t even use R200 to come see you when you need him, he’s clearly using it for better things than you

  13. Thank you Mike for today`s dose. QnA I think you are probably the only one who thinks this is a relationship and he is not on the same page. I believe that caring in relationship has to be a 2 way street. If you don’t mind me asking, what is that this man has done or said that made you believe that you were in a relationship with him? My intention is not to belittle your situation, but i do believe that this “relationship” is imagined by you because nothing in your letter even hints that this guy has sacrificed something for you… I am sorry for your dilemma, but i think in your heart of hearts you know that this is not how a relationship is conducted. Please leave this man alone and see if he will even ” notice ” that you are gone.

  14. Thank you Mike….morning peeps

    Q&A I don’t know why women these days feel the need to provide for “their man” – maybe it’s me being stingy or the way i was brought up to believe that a man is the provider. Or maybe something is wrong with men who have no pride or shame and think it’s ok to have “your” woman provide for you. Sis!!! Does he even pay you back your “like” R1500 you give him before his payday? I would suggest that this month you do not give him and see what happens; if he asks why you cannot give him ask why you should and tell him not to budget with your money and woman please stop spoiling him and acting like his wife already! This man is using you and maybe he thinks you are desparate. Speak to him and raise your concerns and take from there.

    Good luck!

  15. q&a, aowa man omotlwaeditše sesi, dont let a man get used to you doing things for him, and guess what i learned this from a man. if your man says akena madi borrow me some, think like him too, tell him you dont have too you got things to do….i used to be like that, think of all the men i used to help in the name of love, paid for excess cars for them paid for their cars to be fixed i got nothing out of it but I LEARNED from the best, try to be firm not that you are stingy or any thing but put your foot down my dear, we in this together, good luck!

  16. Dear Shocked patner. That man does not love you period. Time doesnt determine love, please get out of that relationship while you can because the longer you stay the more you you would feel oblidge to make it work. There are good loving and caring man out there and every gal who is so considerate and loyal as you deserve one. Stop buying love it is not for sale. A real man should provide,protect and love you. If you want to experience true love stop doing what he is suppose to be doing(advice for your future relationship)

  17. Tanki Ntate Mike.
    Q2A……Ao tjhe mme ngwaneso ur partner is a spoilt selfish man.Now,stop giving him money I mean ur money u hav worked hard for cos I think u hav ur siblings to take care of.Stop calling him cos if he can’t call u due to airtym wena where would u get it frm?U love him true n showed him in so many ways but men some ppl though,can turn u into a person u r not.Jus ignore therapy nyana ausi n c hore otla react jwang or he will show up on ur pay day knowing dat his atm with throw up some cash one ddnt work for.Love urself n spoil urself dear n go to some spa n manicure n girls out n make him “j” jus for some destruction.Focus on u n ur family n yeah finally someone will come along whose gonna treat u like a woman.We women deserve much more better.
    Be good

  18. Shocked partner
    Girl get this! If a man doesn’t make an effort when it comes to you its simple and easy, he doesn’t love you. He should have been on your bed side as much as he can. But since he doesn’t care he wasn’t. You still young don’t invest in a relationship that isn’t even worth it. Am sure there are other things besides the hospital thingy that u have noticed. Its never easy letting go of someone but never settle for less. Love yourself. This guy shows that when you are preggies he won’t be there to pamper you. Wake up sisi!

  19. Shocked partner, sisi if a man loves you and truly cares about you no amount of “brokeness” will keep him from being there for you when you need him most, That man doesn’t love you to him you’re that lady who gives him R1500 when he is broke, know your worth and never settle for nonsense. Goodluck

  20. A2Q,sistaz wam awuzihloniphe nd uyeke ukubekezelela umbhedo.I mean 35 mins is nothing tht even with my ugly x-trail 2.0 ngingafika ngo R100 ngibuye yena inethanki elingakanan eyakhe imoto kuthi engahlulwa ukbona muntu wakhe egula,ebe espana futhi?

    Ay mantombazane ngi blamer nina mina ngeke niyazenza,ay nam fanele ngiytholele eyam impatha ngeke

  21. R1500 every month? For the whyest and whoomest though? DOES HE PAY BACK THE MONEY EACH MONTH? This is clear indication that you are going to soon write a letter here again asking help that now he cant provide for his family and he’s staying with you and he it feels like a bloodsucker.

    Love yourself enough to see your worth and move far away from him as he doesn’t care like you do. STOP hurting yourself further and invest in growing yourself in other spheres of life. A man who’ll love, care, cherish and be there for you will find you and when you do you will know how awesome it is to be someone’s number 1.

    All the best and kindly tell us what decision did you take.

  22. Jeerrrrr Faith’s sister is an ass, but I think her mother has kept up with her behaviour for too long hence it has gotten out of hand, but at least she’s now taking a stand.
    Q & A..Ohk so you get paid 2-5 days before him and you give him R1500 every month?? What a lucky dude. Does he give it back to you after he gets paid?? I doubt, so basically he has an allowance of R1500 extra on top of his salary. Sister u need to wake up and catch a hint, stop giving that dude money cos he’s thinking you buying his love, and I am dead sure he’s boasting about it to his friends. He must learn to budget on his salary and you can only assist sometimes, not everymonth nie, aowaowa. And the man does not seem to care about your wellbeing, so le wena you must not care about his broke ass, he can go to loan sharks for all u care

  23. yoh khaba lenja straight uzokulobola kanjani esahlulwa ukuzinakekela yena esahlulwa ukuzama imali to come see you in hospital ngeke he needs to grow up and he wont grow up if wena usamenzela izinto kucacile he does not love u uthando ulibona ngezenzo not just by saying uyathandwa Man= provider not the other way around please ladies dnt know y so many of us think we can buy love singaboni noma senziwa izilima

  24. Maledi is like my bfs baby mama drama wa bora_ Concentrate on your pregnancy… she is too ghetto.

    Q-A_ Love 1. you engaged (lobola) 2. you not married (never heard him say the word). Kante what is it with women this days giving themselfs titles they dont have. From Thursday to Sunday? Girl show up on sunday not Thursday. stop making yourself bo makoti.. that is selling yourself short. You givning in too much when he is not even intrested in showing a bit of compasion… Pls love just stop…. he is using you… in future you are not allowed at in the kicthen at your BFs family house if they aint a ring on it….. *handsinface*

    Eish… Showing up on monday or thursday is no way to prove yourself for that matter. you have nothing to prove to your in-laws…. they need to accept you just by looking at you…. Let go dear.. Girls / Women _ STOP GIVING YOURSELFS TITLES YOU DONT HAVE….. WIFE DUTIES=HUSBAND DUTIES NOT WIFE DUTIES=”BOYFRIEND” DUTIES

    akthough its your choice

  25. Shocked patner i always hear this. ” when a man wants you, he will walk on water and move mountains to get to you” so he simply doesnt want to come to you. End of this month ne, don give him the R1500 go shopping with it and dont call him. if he cares he contact you but if he doesnt then accept gore he is just in this for the money.

    the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour…


  26. @Q&A If He Loves You Enough He’d Make A Plan. You Can’t Be Coming Out Of The Hospital, Motho Wa Gao Straight A Palwa Ke Go Go Cheka, Call Nyana, Whatsapp Nyana, Boys Will Always Be Boys. You Can’t Take A Boy And Make A Man, He Should Prove His Manhood To You First, I’m Very Sure He Is After Sex ( Hence Calling You To Sleep Over ) And The Money He Gets From You. You Deserve So Much Better From Someone Who Knows Your Worth. He’s Just A BOY Sweety!

  27. Ke tsweletse kare, lerato ga le rekiwe tlhe bathong. O mo duela R1500 waeng tota? Ke Ben-10 kana jang? Gaa na sepe ka wena if a palelwa ke go go thola o lwala. Tswa mo go ene, angel. Don’t call him, he will call u. Then tell him “goodbye”. Oa go nyatsa motho yoo, nana.

  28. Even if you guys do get married since uzenze umakoti nje he wont help around the house financially. I am speaking from experience…my cousin bought groceries for her in laws every month for 2 years and this was before they paid lobola for her. Now she is the one paying for everything and the guy never has money but wears expensive cologne and clothes.

    Her only mistake was “supporting” him when they were still dating and mind you they are both working.

    So please ladies, stop giving these men money. They should be providers after all. If he doesn’t have money for petrol then aphande nje ngendoda.

  29. I don’t understand how so many women who post here date men who are financially irresponsible. So you’re telling me that this man has no money left over before the next pay? Ah c’mon ladies, we can do better than that! If he can’t handle his money, how do you expect to build a future with him? At times I really wonder about the type of people who post here. Nxa, pure nonsense. Also, that man is not into you. When a man loves you, you will know, there will be no doubt about it. please use your brain sisi, you sound like an intelligent and educated lady, but you’re not applying your intelligence well to your romantic and financial life.

    PS – instead of giving him that R1500 every month, please put it in a savings/investment account. You will thank yourself in the future.

  30. What’s up wif gals n ukhondla amadoda n i swear des letters r da same jst written in a dif form n obvious da advice will almost b da same n unless he has put the ring on it stop supporting indoda engaka

  31. iyo aa Short chapter. anyway faith didn’t do anything wrong ausi wa ena maar. mme wa faith is a woman on a mission.
    as for Shocked partner I’d say leave him bcz he dies not seem in to you but it’s easier said than done

  32. Hello family!! Thank you abuti Mike!

    Q&A Eish mara basadi nna la mpalla laitse. There is a difference between a boyfriend and a husband. This guy never paid lobola for you or even promised gore o tla go nyala yet you are taking the role of umakoti. nc, nc nc!!! Ausi, you are just a girlfriend and stay in your place. Two years of relationship doesn’t mean marriage. Ene why o reka lerato? I don’t understand why you have to give him R1500 to cover him until payday. You are not his mother bathong ene how is he going to learn responsibility if you are still being an ATM to him? O mo tlwaeditse gore o mo fa chelete. STOP IT!!! That R1500 ka gore ya go tlhotlhonya, open an investment account and put that money in that account. I mean really, waitse ke salary ya batho ba bang? That is like R18 000 in a year. For the why? The fact that he just dropped you off after the operation and no whatsapp, twitter, facebook, sms, call, instagram, tinder, wechat, nothing should tell you he is not into you. Ke gore wena o jewa ko dimo le ko tlase. Wa nkwatisa ga ke batle go bua maka. Dump that ass you call a man. He doesn’t even deserve that title. Men like bo Jackzorro would appreciate a woman like you and treat you like the queen you are. Stop selling yourself short and wait for the real strawberry water and not the strawberry flavoured water. Shuuu!!! Let me go drink cold water before I say something I am gonna regret.

    Happy Thirstday family.
    Congratulations to rona Amakhosi. Ma Sundowns le Ma Pirates, re sa le rata.

  33. Danky ta-Mike

    Meladi meladi hai

    Shocked partner stop whatever you doing for man.its is his responsibility to do things n make time for if he doesn’t u knw de ansa no responsibility no future

  34. What is up with you girls? Why do you give your BOYFRIENDS money? Boyfriends that you don’t even live with?! Haaaaikhona! Mina angeke shame.

    Shocked Partner, dear, that relationship is as good as dead. That man doesn’t love you, never mind that, he doesn’t even care about you. Do urself a favor and get out of that relationshit.

    Been with my man for 5 years, i have NEVER heard him complain about petrol money or any of that shit. I never even know when he’s broke coz he always makes a plan, that’s what a man does. Not that growth that you are harbouring there confusing it for a boyfriend!

  35. QnA
    Now i am really failing to understand and accept the fact dat there are women out there who gives their partners’ allowance, for the what kanti vele? Why…..
    ladies, you should stop spoiling these men coz that money you give him, he spends it on other women, or even better, he buys his mom groceries.
    you may think your relationship is stable but i doubt so. Da time you were sick he was supposed to b with u n taking care of you. His is still with you coz he benefits monthly allowance.

    Lady if i may ask, how much does he give u on his pay day? And dont you have relatives who needs the money to survive the whole month dan a guy to survive a few days coz ‘he’s broke”?

  36. Thanks Mike, can’t wait for the next chapter.

    Q: Sistas ai shame u r just his walking atm n sperm reliever. Y in the name of sanity do u give him money he works n should have a budget, R1500 nogal? Worse y do u act like umakoti, kubo bakubhekile asking themselves ukuthi y r u in so deep to even take leave for i-funeral yakabo bf. If u want to continue ngale 1 sided relationship, start by not giving him money n just attend i-funeral, lapho u will c how he really feels about u. Maybe he is even stringing u along nje une gf le ayibheja ngemali yakho. Only a wife can give money to her husband not a gf to a bf. U r being used dear.

  37. sisi dis guy dsnt love&appreciate u, 1st rule compromise bt remember ur happiness comes 1st, wit R1 500 u cn pay a car installmen. khaba lenja!!! de is a gud man out hu can treat u better, he idiot is treating u like dis cause u allow it.

  38. I Love me some Tidimalo for Faith Thank You for another good read

    QnA 1500 2-5days before his payday BUT WHY aah!No maan someone suggested you turn the tables and don’t give him the money this month and see how he handles that cause it seems like this guy is sticking around only for the allowance niyawamosha lamadoda kodwa yez

  39. Ta Adv Cmndr Maphoto.


    Q&A: Start distancing yoself 4rm dis selfish loser U call partner by hitting him where it hurts the most which is MONEY. I mean WTF do U giv him R1,5k for? Really! In dis day & age! Tell M UR kidding us!
    This guy is working, if H is broke 2days b4 payday it shudnt B yo problem! is there4 a reason. All banks now give a payday bridging loan.

    Save that money 4 a deposit on a house or apartment IN YO NAME. Let this guy hustle lyk all of us. Whether or not H realises H has lost a gem later just stay focused wth yo lyf wth or wthout him U wil make it in lyf. Buy an asset wth that money instead of throwing it 2this ungrateful bustd!

    I repeat, men R born hunters, dont put us in a cage & feed us, W enjoy hunting. B the smart woman & “cage” this guy once he has signed the “in community of property” document. – PapaG.

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