There is no need for false modesty because we all know that men know how to play with our buttons. It’s like when he wants to have sex but you don’t want to then he starts off by saying, baby, just the tip! All girls know this line. He will beg you until you get annoyed, then he brings out the puppy eyes! He will promise you everything under the moon until you allow ‘just the tip’ in and that’s that! Every girl will tell you this, her ex when they started dating and for most of the relationship actually, was the smartest person she knew. Any question, he had an answer! All men are like that and Mudenda was no different! The way I used to value his opinion and to a certain extent I even started doubting my own opinions because he had the final say. When you look back, we all do in fact as women, we feel kind of dumb because we are probably smarter than he is. Here is the kicker, your current boyfriend is the genius now! It’s like we never learn! Part of me did not blame Meladi because I had gone through all that, his attention was intoxicating, his words were like poetry to my heart, his touch electric and all of the above. Now that it’s over, he is just a full of shit and sells dreams.
My sister was not talking to me and I really needed her back on my side! On my own I could never wish to control Amo. I had a job I needed to attend and my mom will be at work meaning I would have no one to stay with him. I went and knocked on her door and I asked if I could come in. She was reluctant at first but eventually allowed me in. She was lying on her bed crying. For many people the thought of going to school is a good thing but clearly for my sister it was nothing but torture. I had not come in here though to shout but to make peace.
“We can’t be fighting like this come on Judith!”
I started when I entered. She turned over to face the other wall but did not say anything.
“I am sorry I hit you. I was just so mad. You scared me shitless with what you said about mom. It was cold and insensitive of you!”
I explained. I needed her to understand that come what may what she had said was wrong and she should never joke with something like that. She clearly did not see what I saw that’s why it was not sitting with her.
“It was a joke Faith. Come on! Get over it! Why would I wish mom dead? Now she is angry at me for it because your reaction made her that way. She will not forgive me anytime soon and now she sending me away!”
My sister protested.
“Judith you are my sister and I love but mom is right. You need a qualification because doing it alone would be too expensive. You need this! Yes it might not be on your terms but you get a job and move to the UK!”
I told her. Her eyes widened when I said the UK.
“Why would I be going there? To do what?”
My sister was as ignorant as they come. You know how people say South Africans are the Americans of Africa when it comes to being clueless, well they are right. Just a few days ago I was watching Big Brother and they had a simple task of putting towns andd provinces on a blank South African map! They mostly got it wrong. Imagine putting Rustenburg in the Free State! Harrismith in Western Cape! Nelspruit in Northern Cape etc. So no I am not surprised at all that my sister did not lnow that she had more to life’s options than what she thought.
“Yes Judith, a lot of South Africans end up in the UK as nurses. Imagine if you were a doctor mmmm then you could end up anywhere in the world!”
I was winning.
“I am sorry I called Amo a bastard! I just lost it and it came out. You know I love him senseless!”
She said eventually saying something. I told her that we needed to make a plan because mom could not send her away. The family would not function if she did but she was more interested in hearing about her options overseas. It’s weird how we think life is so much better outside but who cares.
“I think our plan is that you need to convince mom that you desperately want to do nursing. Tomorrow you must show her all the nursing schools in Johannesburg that you want to attend. Let her think it’s now your idea. She will come around!”
She was sceptical at first but I could see she had bought the idea. I am sure all she would see right now when she closed her eyes was the Queen of England but who cares.
“What about Xenophobia? I am not comfortable about being a foreigner! What if they do what we do here?”
I had the liberty to go to university meaning I was exposed to so many foreign students. Never had a problem with any and had quite a few at hostel I called friends. It was shameful really this episode in our life and now because of our behavior we were now scared of visiting other countries!
“It won’t happen to you silly! Come on now. Those countries are civilized, we on the other hand, have so much to learn!”
I could see the fear in her eyes so I changed topics. There was a knock on the door. It was a man I had never seen before.
My sister said when she looked at him!
“Oh fuck! Mom!”
She screamed! What the hell? What was the fuss about? My mother came running to the room.
She literally stumbled when she saw whom it was,
Wait a minute, I know that name, no not the soccer pundit with open letters, Robert…
That was my father’s name!
My absent father!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Dear Mike & the readers
I’m a 30 year old lady. I’ll get straight to it. I’ve dated my high-school sweetheart for about 5 years & he was wonderful & great when we started until later in the relationship things turned South. I decided to end the relationship because I wanted to re-define myself. I didn’t like what I was becoming. The relationship was very toxic[In a lack of a better term]
Right after 9months I then had a relationship with a wonderful guy. Very caring/matured/Ambitious to say the least & I thought this was it for me. Well after almost a year in a relationship I discovered he was still in contact with his ex & they have a child together. That crushed me. I didn’t understand why he never told me about his child. Oh ya did I mention I don’t have a kid yet. Not that it has anything to do with the decision I made which was me breaking up with him. As challenging as it was I wished him well & decided to use the time I had to make myself a better person for me & the man that deserves me.
I made that decision 3years ago. I’m currently working & studying[Part-time] The problem is my mother & my family are always telling me to get a man ‘Its going to be tough for you to have the one,The clock is ticking. Most men in your age have kids you will be a step mom’ My mom would say. Not that I mind being a step mom but she’d tease me.
Yes I have to admit its been almost 3years now I haven’t had a man in my life & on top of me. Its a bit of a taboo situation to mention around my friends. When I’m with the girls talking about boyfriend[s] I always say I have a boyfriend just to be in the same page for that moment
Look I drool every now & then when I see a handsome-eye candy but that’s just it nothing more. My question is should I be worried? Most of my friends are married,engaged & some have kids. Not that I compare myself according to their ‘progress’
I feel like I’m fine & I’d rather wait it out but my family thinks I’m wasting my time. Am I?
Sorry for writing a book & a half.