Realities – Chapter Eight

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There is nothing a mother will not do for her family and I was no different. If I had to swallow my pride and accept this new child into my home then I had to. No use being obtuse with the way things had just gone in my home because of it. My husband ironically seemed to be of the opposite opinion. People always talk about chemistry in a marriage but more often than not they do not know what it is. I loved Sizwe when I first met him and I believe I still love him today. It’s been a long time and with time the so called Chemistry mellows. Yes we try new things every now and again but the reality is, it’s more of the same. Some people say that sexual chemistry is what keeps a marriage together but really, is him putting his dick inside me enough to stay in a marriage! If it were true then I will have a young stud doing me as they have more stamina than these older guys! No. I was in my marriage for so many other reasons than just love and sex. Familiarity is one such thing because I knew my husband through and through. I did not have to pretend around him because he had seen me at my worst so many times. Overreacting to the situation was better than under reacting. Never allow a man to see that you can easily forgive his bullshit! Most women have this thing we’re they absorb so much before they explode which explains why some end up killing their husbands. When you call him out as soon as he does something it means you keep him in check immediately. This means you don’t allow yourself to do something stupid. Another thing is most men don’t like arguing so if you call him out everytime you can rest assured he will avoid things that tick you off.

My husband came to me and asked me if it was a good idea because it was too soon. He had just met her himself so he needed time. I asked him time to do what and he responded that to get to know her. I asked him if she wanted money! Let’s be honest, most of these kids who crawl out of the woodwork it’s because they want money! Every wife knows this that’s why we are defensive about the matter! He said that was not the case but then I asked him why now? Why had she not been introduced to him all this time? I asked him how he had come to know of her existance and he said the mother had called him. He froze when he said that because my next question was obvious, how did she get his number if they were not in contact. He looked stuck! I know when my husband is lying and when he said he had no idea how, I knew he was. I did not want to push him any further on the lie, argument for another day. Men lie! They are the worst. They will lie for you even when it’s not necessary. I kept my calm and I told him that because he too had no answers it was important we both meet her so he must make it happen. He went downstairs again, this time clear to his purpose!

There was a knock at my door, it was Lintle. She really needed to learn how to calm down this kid!

“Mom can I have my phone back please! I need to get my homework from someone!”

She said calmly and I ignored,

“And also the wifi is not working! Maybe it’s run out!”

She continued.

“Go ask the police for a new phone! The one I bought for you does not count anymore since you wanted me in jail!”

I said to her coldly!

“Now get out and go to your room!”

I said. She had not expected that! How could she have forgotten so quickly! Did she think this was some kind of a joke?

“I am sorry mum I was just angry!”

She said as she walked out. As far as I was concerned tonight should never have happened the way it did.

I heard my husband talking on the phone. He sounded scared oh whoever he was talking to. For a moment I was lost but I realised that he was talking to the girl. I heard him asking if she could come over and I think she refused because I could hear him beg. I guess I don’t blame the girl because I doubt I would also readily come over to a father I had just discovered.

“Don’t worry, we are a loving family. Nothing will happen to you! My wife is the sweetest woman and it is in fact her who insisted on meeting you. She is a great cook too so it will be a very good meet and greet!”

He said bringing on the charm. In spite of all the anger in me I wanted to laugh. I was definitely a bad cook. I know a woman is not supposed to say that but I honestly could not cook like other women do. My husband had never complained before so I was fine with it. I was basic at best but I could bake at least not that was a bonus. As for being the sweetest person I doubt that very much. Being a doctor you deal with life and death, blood and broken bones all the time meaning you become less sensitive about things with time. I therefore doubt him very much. It made me feel kind of bad because it meant that at some level I was not a good woman.

Again my daughter came and knocked at my door. She was relentless! I told her she could come in and the audacity of this child!

“Mom can I please don’t go to school tomorrow because I have done the homework as you will not allow me to get it!”

I looked her for a moment then replied,

“You didn’t get it because you were not there after you were dropped off. That’s not my fault so best believe tomorrow I am dropping you off myself! You are going to school and I hope you have a hangover at that!”

She looked at me like I was evil but I didn’t care. She needed to learn a lesson and at school I was certain that she was going to get punished for it! I should never have allowed her to go to that Chris Brown concert because now she thought she was grown.

I turned in for bed! My husband came into the room and said that it was arranged, Nelisa was coming for dinner the following day.

Good! Let’s see what his bastard looks like!

“Good! Close the door behind you!”

I said indicating he was couching again!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb) (QnA)

hello Mike, your team and fellow readers

im a women aged 27 and dating a guy aged 32. we are blessed with a 1 month old baby, we have been togather for two years and his living with me at my apartment because when we started our relationship he was broke and he was staying at his home. I made him partner in my business because I believed he had potential but boy i was so wrong, i literally bring home the bacon all he wants to do is play with the bike and act all monied amongst his friends ngamandla wam… things started going south when I fell pregnant…he cheated on me and I found out, made peace and moved on, now again his cheating on me with two women and worst part is when I was home during easter weekend I found my things hidden and I can bet he brought a nyatsi in my own house…I don’t know what to do anymore and note he is a man of God whom his excuse is that when you accept Jesus temptations grows stronger blah blah blah…I bought him a car and a bike but they both in my name, what do you do in a situation like this with a person onganeliseki and not appreciating what I do for him? do I leave this relationship that I have invested so much in? the love I have for him is turning into hatred now because of what his doing to me. what about my child now is she also going to be a statistic?and he always tells me that his not afraid of going back to his home “ezilalini” and his not scared of lossing everything and start from scratch.! Jackzorro please be brutally honest as always

Thank You

46 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Eight

  1. Tjo Nelisa will just start demanding back payment for maintanence after seeing their house lol.

    Q&A He is clearly taking you for a ride. You provide and still take his bullsht ofcoz he will take advantage of you because he really doesn’t have to lift a finger. Surely you can do better than that. Let him go back ezilalini and live his lofey because he will bring you the diseases while you buy him the good things in life, how unfair is that. You have everything you need to take care of your child, love, and finances. Let his ass go he isn’t worth it.

  2. Thank you once again for the read (felt shorter though)

    Yhooo my sister this idiot guy of yours is taking you for granted strong! Yes you have a baby with him but lucky enough you can provide for your child plus if you cut him off (your bf) its minus one mouth to feed…

    He’s saying he doesn’t mind going back home ahg that’s a lie! He’s definately going to miss the good life you’re giving him and like they say “absence makes the heart grow fonder” then we’ll see who’ll come begging

    Best of Luck

  3. I am yet to find a reason why women decide to take responsibility of grown men, treat them like kids and expect them to be equal partners and more. A man must provide, whether he goes to clean the road or sell cigarettes by the street corner…indoda kwamele iphante bo!

  4. ohh, how I miss Nelisa and her tantrums, can’t wait for her visit… Siyabonga Mr Maphotho.

    Yhoo Lady, that idiot of a man is taking you for a ride…don’t always like advising people to leave their partners when the going gets tough but your guy is a di*k, I say kick him to the curb. He will soon know how cold it is outside, Nxaa akanambulelo.

  5. A2Q sisi let him go back to ezilalini take ur shit and let him go uyadakwa kanti and udakwa kabuhlungu he knowz u scared of letting him go but biliv me when hes settled uzoyeka wena and what will happen den?

  6. My dear that boyfriend of yours is nothing but a selfish ungrateful bastard. Throw him out of your house and move on with your life with ur baby. He is an ungrateful bastard who does not deserve you. How could you be so forgiving and blind when u can see what kind of a person he is? Ha sa o rata motho oo. he is using u. come on girl wake up. ha tsamaye man herr. o qeka eng? o nke le dilo tsa hao a fokofe ka maoto a lo dula habona. nxa

  7. Dankie Adv Maphoto

    A2Q Mmmm sisi u got it bad ne, all I can say is “khaba lenja” ayinaMali, ayinaMoto, ayinaDladla yonke into ithi wena! Khaba lenja ntombi

    Yho ay kodwa nawe uyamkhupha uxam emanzini. nw m starting to get scared of these career women who feel like they own you if awuna Nickx


  8. Thanks Mikeesto, can’t wait for Friday yho… Nelisa!!


    Sisi I can’t fault you for loving your man and spoiling him, love is sometimes a sickness. Its hard to find a woman who has ‘things’ and wants to share those things even if awuna fokol as a guy, so you are a rare gem. This dude engunolali on the other hand is one sorry ass busted.

    I mean how do you not appreciate being made a somebody when you are a nobody?! That man should worship the very ground you walk on, he should be licking your toes and cooking every night. Yeses maan yazi inqathe mane liwela ezibhanxeni nyan nyan. Sisi lomkhufefe lowo deserves to be thrown out, take your car and bikes back, don’t you have a brother or something?! Makathi Fok uit endlin yakho abuyele kwezolali akmele ngazo, oh and make sure he is voted out as partner kwi business without compensation. Kunini maan abantu aba right bedlalwa ngamadoda a-cheap. Be vigilant nawe next time, I’m not saying don’t date a broke guy who has ambition, but be easy on the pampering until you see he actually has good intentions.

    The nerve Yale guy to bring a nyatsi endlin yakho, he probably told her its his place…. Lord! Shiya lonto maan umntana wakho uzoba right, angamane esiya nakwezolali Xa edinga isiko and ofcourse he can be a part of the childs life, but yena nawe should just separate before you lose yourself. Its unfortunate really that this idiot had to be the one you fell for, a hard working and self made woman deserves a man of steel, a loyal and wise guy who knows what he wants and does no harm to his family… This dude is far from that.

    Your heart will heal sisi, but nawe ke singaboni ngawe sowu busy noo-Ben10, bazoygqiba lemali aba bantu 🙂

    All the best and congrats on the bambino, rebuild for the two of you and a Good Man, not necessarily ‘fake God man’, will love you Both someday.


    1. heehehe Unyanisile chap inqatha liwela ezibhanxeni. Sisi ndicela uyiphe mna le Bike yakho. ndishota ngayo ndibe siskhothane esi serious.

    2. Aaah, Jackzorro some of us have been waiting for your hardcore advise, mare we cant read or understand that african language!! (im not even sure what it is zulu/xhosa) #tears nna ke motswana from Botswana

  9. Thank you Mikey 😀

    A2Q: Well..don’t worry about ur baby being a statistic, he already is, he became a statistic moment u conceived him out of wedlock.

    And my dear, I really wonder y u even have to seek advice on this one, u have every reason to send this man packing, are you even going to take our advices? A man brings a woman into ur house, hides ur belongings!! You shud have kicked him out there and then. Uyakwatisa I don’t wana lie to you

  10. Q2A hai cha sisi!!! u knw de answer khaba lenja iyakudlala 4 de sake of ur child & ur health sake, i ws raised by a single parent & i came up pretty well. u cn do better without him, pls dnt sell urself cheap. leave b4 he leaves u in debts & hearth broken…….there is a gud man waiting 4 u der a man hu will luv u, respect u, support u in evryway

  11. Q&A

    Sisi mamela. there are two issue here. First one, people should learn not to fall pregnant without planning it, its funny how many women dont prevent and yet have get shocked when they get preganant after they had sex without a condom, same as guys bayathanda u towna(having sex without a condom) bajike baphike xabemithisile. condomise and if not take contraceptives if you know you dont want a baby cos its always makes things harder for all parties involved when things are sour.

    Second issue indoda yako is a parisite what kind of a man takes pride being looked after by a woman, yi gold digger le outi yakho sisi. he is childish, mgxhothe aye ezilalini you cant be taking care of a grown ass man. Kodwa nawe man you should know you cant buy love with money, we man know that part better we have been trying to buy love with money from Geneisis times and we still doing it today but ayisebenzi lonto. Your man is a loose.. HE MUST FALL.

  12. Thank you Mike

    Q&A Sisi love starts with loving yourself, when a relationship makes you doubt yourself its time to call it quits. You have a problem with your child being a statistic (being raised by 1 parent) but you’d rather raise 2 kids one of them who is surely bringing you heartache and diseases how is that smart and GODLY. Let your child be a priority in your life by being good to her mother. More than 50% of children in the world are raised by single parents and they grow up to be leaders of the world. What I’m saying is stop with the excuses and throw this boy out to the lalis asap.

  13. So the Chris brown concert she is referring too was the one that happened in April?? So Thandeka is alive if this story is based on recent events, right/wrong?

    Sisi, You have invested YOUR time and money into this relationship and therefore the same way you have invested it, is the same way you can pull it out…..A man should be the provider and worse he cheats on you using your money and your vehicles….Ingane ziyakhula with parents who are not together, he is taking you for a ride and for what????? What are you gaining? Get rid of that sponge bob please before he aborbs you till you are dry…..

  14. Q&A
    This guy clearly doesn’t love you…the level of disrespect though!! The only thing you’re investing in is HIV/AIDS…..You need to be thinking of your child and let go of this loser

  15. Thank you bhuti Mike and team

    Q&A…inene kukho abantu abanentlantla emhlabeni i tell you. He is ungrateful and selfish & sees himself as someone who had actually achieved something in life. he needs a wake up call and that would be for you to throw him out without notice just pack his clothes in a black bag and put them outside the door and lock it, just make sure he leaves the car and the bike behind – better yet call the dealer to come pick up the car. he does not deserve you and you do not deserve him

  16. A2Q Usameleni ungamyeki abuyele kubo ezilalini ayolala phansi? Kanti why do girls LOVE guys with a PhD (Pull her down) syndrome? Just go to Soweto emini during the week, you find guys driving expensive cars that belong to their girlfriends. Shames, the same cars are used to attract side chicks while the owner was dropped off at a bus-stop to go and get a Putco bus that might get stuck along the way. I mean it is the duty of the man to provide for the family and not the other way round. I don’t see myself with the guy o tla kopa gotlatswa everyday. Why are you not ending this one-sided relationship? There is no time to be worried about being a statistic of being a single parent, but you should worry about your health coz it’s not like uyazi ukuthi he uses a condom or not with his side chicks. It’s not like you cannot afford to take care of the baby, I mean you are already taking care of a 30 year old baby boy.

    As ladies we underestimate ourselves and expect men to treat us like treasure. Why do we always based our happiness on having a men by our side?

  17. Sisi so many women make the mistake of thinking their men will change n make something of themselves as the relationship progresses. You have made this man comfortable n now there’s no need for him to lift a finger. The fact that he cheats on u is a clear indicator that this man doesn’t love you like you do him. Walk away, if he’s a good man he’ll continue to be a father to ur child if not, good riddance to bad rubbish.

  18. some women though, what is it that you invested in this relationship? you are played and have everything,independent yet you still ask what to do. send that man packing and live your life with your child.

  19. Wow Mike thanx again you are amazing.

    QnA lady honestly I hardly ever comment but today I felt I should. You know at times we stay in horrible relationships for our children mara believe me if you are not happy your child won’t be happy as well. This man is taking advantage of you, as the saying goes “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” you are an educated wonderful woman with a great heart, don’t let him destroy your happiness. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Best of luck… And if you decide to let him go take everything with you, that thing is not a man its a gold digger!!!! Your are busy providing for di nyatsi tsa gage!

  20. QnA
    you bought him a car n bike n made him partner into ur business bt stil he dsnt respect u??? I think thts clear enough tht he dsnt love u like u love him. he’s not worthit

  21. Sadly you will not be the last lady going through the same crap.
    History just keeps on repeating it’s self over and over.
    Let’s get back to basics
    Man = provider
    Woman = supporter
    Therefore in building a relationship never get the roles twisted as you end up being him mummy.
    Plus shows that his own family turned his back on him as no parent allows fat n sit + baby.
    Did he even attempt to pay damage? He probably has seeds everywhere and should he die you will of a sudden be maintaining all his kids beyond his grave. If you decide to keep him please protect ur finances bad credit rating is no joke. You have worked hard for you name. Do also get legal advice as these gold diggers ain’t loyal he can get u to maintain him after kicking him out.

    Guard your:

  22. Mma mosadi, some people come into our lives s a lesson n I hope u learned urs. Akere? Let ths baby daddy of urs go n meet his type. Ones who cheat n talk ish yabo “I dnt care if u send me packing” wat kind of a man is that. Goya ka nna he ws never urs. U bbysitting him old ass, feeding him n making him look like a somebody jus fr him to disrespect u like u r a fly inside his glass of milk! Yeses! U better leave his grown ass or u r going to have more problems jaaka malwetsi a dikobo le megare. Sia now while there is still time. Bare bitsa distatistics bt we are right here n knw how to fend fr ourselves jus like ba ba godisitsweng ke 2 parents. Tt shudnt even be a concern. Ska lebala go tsaya key ya koloi ya gago n chain that bike. I hope u will take our advices so that oska thanya le le tsebeng. Best of luck

  23. Iyoo….ke diemo

    Sometimes the Xhosa and Zulu get too real for some of us but we’ll live
    @ Nongo ee mma ke Motswana wa Botswana

    QnA Good luck with that mess darling all i know is that i’m too stingy to be taking care of any man. it’s easy for all of us on the outside looking in to say “leave him” which is the rational thing but matters of the heart are complex……

  24. well gal ur first mistake was makin him a partner in yo business,its urs nd its nt like he’s ur husband 4 u 2 include him.So instead of being his gal u became his mom coz u doin everythn 4 him,nd he’s takin u 4 granted.A man should be able 2 take care of his family bt hw will ur man do so if he can’t even take care of himself?he has no shame nd pride.And on top of that he cheats nd has guts to tell u he’t nt afraid to go back home!i say kick him out he’s a gud 4 nothin bastard.Know ur worth u deserve so much better nd he can still be a father 2 ur child without bein in a relationship with u(romantically that is).Nd next time whn u meet sum1 new pls let them do things 4 u nt the otherway.

  25. BLQ I’m so sorry, and its Xhosa. It couldn’t possibly be significant if it wasn’t said in vernacular. I will keep that in mind though going forward that we are indeed multilingual in this beautiful family.

    Much Love from Cape Town to Botswana 🙂

  26. Why ada women hv a problem with their husbands paying maitenance to da kids dat dey fathered…i mean who shud maintain dem if u dnt want them to but yors are being taken care of, cum on now be realistic.

  27. Eish, I really don’t understand why some women will take a broke man and maintain him in the name of seeing potential. What potential? Uyajika manje you want him to be responsible. Kanjani? Angithi you took him and provided like he is your baby boy…how do you then expect a boy to be responsible?How do you see potential in a person lo broke and angazabalazi? Kanti what is potential kanene? Potential is when you meet a broke person who is doing something to change their situation. A person with potential don’t need to be taken care of 100% bayaphanda. You can help the there and there. A man with potential will stand at the corner and sell cigarettes because he wants to pay for some of his expenses. A man with potential will wash people’s cars to make few bucks. A man with potential will do whatever his hands find to do…legally kepha.

    You bought him a car and a bike? Girl!!!! Come on!!!!! As far as I am concerned there’s nothing wrong that your baby boy is doing. He is just beeing a kid like you treat him. Let him enjoy his bike. Uma acedza lomfana utsi “I don’t mind going back ezilaleni” yhoo. He is just being a brat.

    Kodwa ke ngithi mina uwena umenze abenje.

  28. QnA, If you still don’t know that he clearly doesn’t love you then angazi shame. What a useless man, nawe kodwa why on earth would you do all these things for a man? It just seems like you thought you could make him love you by giving him all these things. Unani loMFANA engaka lena oyifuna kuye? Khaba lenja, u shouldn’t even be asking for advice, u not even married to that thing! As independent women we have been made to believe that no man will want us because we intimidate them, then we settle for crap, hayi shame I’d rather be single than pay someone to go get diseases for me. Lento ikuchomela ngokuthi he doesn’t mind going back to ezilalini, he obviously thinks you can’t do better than him rha!

  29. A2Q,sis I blame u really,umthandile yes shuthi uyathandeka bt along the way uyabona he’s not wht u thot he’s was,cela ungadlali ukushima sistaz xosha lodoti mphuce nama underwears coz clearly akukho anakho angakuthathanga kuwe

  30. hey y’al,4rm kenya with love.wish south africa peace n love.may God b with u.Mike,thanx
    Q/A i believe Jackzorro has said it al thou i dint understand sm words

  31. QnA
    Ha.a sisi vuka emaqandeni yhini! You can’t feed, clothe and take care of that idiot of a man who doesn’t even appreciate one bit of what you doing for him. Like why waste so much time and money? Leave him before he brings you HIV! You clearly deserve better! Pack his bags n put him on a. Bus to ezilalini! That’s what he deserves. He really should be treating you like a queen not the way he is. Drop his sorry and useless ass! Love yourself enough to not take sh*t from any man. You and your newborn will be better off. Good luck sisi,

  32. Sis wam utyise iHagu iPudding apha ngunolali omhoye ngantoni lo?I mean ude akugqemfezele ngoba yena angabuyela ezilalini n start from scratch,xa enantoni?Njengabanye sebetshilo sisi khabalonja usogqiba uyifake isupport somntana soyibona ke if izokwazi na ukondla,as for the “Temptation”part…hahaha that’s the lamest n Dumbest excuse ever,zikhulisele umntana wakho ngokwakho qha.

  33. Sisiwami ukuloyile lomuntu struu hambo phalazaa iyonanto yokuqala okumele uyenze *phaphama uyadliwa la phansi naphezulu* ewwuuu mina angifuni nane R10 yami iwele kumuntu wesilisa

  34. Q&A: “Let’m Go!”
    Uv given this guy 2much without him earning it. Myb this is where the saying: “If U love something, sometimes U hav 2let it go & if its truly yoz it will come back to U” works.
    That way U won’t hav 2 fire him, just replace him with capable/qualified person (male/female). No nepotism!
    If H does come back (big IF) then H can start by looking 4 a proper job & B a hubby & dad 2U & yo kid. Let him earn yo respect & his money2 instead of spoiling him. Gud luck! – PapaG.

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