You know why men run over us as women, it’s because we are stupid! How many women do you know that when the husband died so many secrets came out that by the time she put that man into the ground she was now crying new tears of new kind of hurt, angry and possibly hated him! How many women do you know that when the Will came some stranger came to contest in so that they impose their children in it too leaving yours with nothing! Knowing all that, what have you done to protect yourself from something like that happening? Absolutely nothing! My friend Lubi, a Zambian national, once said to me that it is every woman’s obligation to hire an investigator every few years to check on her husband. It sounds sneaky and insecure but you have so much peace of mind when you don’t have things popping out of the closet. We were at a dinner party and all the women laughed at her and called her paranoid. Two of the women there later discovered that their own husbands had long lost their jobs, Lesedi found her husband was a criminal to such an extent that she is still in hiding because out of her stupid love she ended up like him. Our friendship ended because my husband made it very clear that I stay away from her and I listened! Lubi therefore had a point but I had never actually taken that to heart until now! I actually realized that I knew very little about my husband apart from what he told me about himself. Lubu was right though. When that women brings her children to compete for that WILL they make the assumption that, he the dead bastard, built his wealth on his own with me, his wife to help him! Make no mistake about it, a wife whether unemployed or not, helps build a man to the mogul that he is today so don’t you for one minute think when you see him driving those Range Rovers he made it himself! Who fed, cleaned him, usually even put the seed money for him to have the luxury of trying his hand at business, it was me the wife you dumb idiot! That’s why some woman who lives far away contesting your husbands WILL is just a low blow! Bitch go fix your own husband! I decided against calling my sister Keitumetsi because she tended to be over dramatic and will probably call a family gathering! O crap I have not introduced my self, my name is Nothabo, Dr. Makgofa to my patients!
I did not sleep well at all. I thought through so many scenarios about my marriage but it all came down to betrayal. At some point I was just confusing myself. I was not sure what I was angry about because I was not sure if I had heard everything he had said correctly. Is it cheating if your man comes home and introduces you to a child he never knew he had especially one that he never knew existed. Well in his case claim. I am not sure. It’s easy for people to say that I am overreacting but the reality is this, by law of anything happened to him it means that has child, Lintle, whom he had raised for 16years would have to share her inheritance equally with this mafikizolo. Imagine! This thought hurt me so much. People think that when a man dies it is just his money that gets spent but that is not true. He did not become the man he was sitting under a tree! I, his wife built him to this and fed into his success now another woman who had nothing to do with him must come and reap what she did not sow! Hell to the fuck no! I needed to find out who she was and what she was capable of. I knew my husband was connected, being a tenderpreneur and all so it could even be someone powerful! A bit of an inferiority complex sat in with that thought not that if she lived in a shack I would feel any better because I am certain I will probably be disgusted!
The drive to work was unpleasant. I was on call tonight so I chose not to use the train. Gautrain though convenient on time is not necessarily convenient on location as it is very specific on where it goes and the buses do take some doing. I had planned to talk to my friend Dr. Duma to the world but Zethu to me. She was not just a colleague and friend but more like a sister to me. She was however at 29 was unlucky in love and often said the moment she told a man she was a doctor they ran away. Women with brains intimidate men. Even male doctors don’t like us because once upon a time being called Doctor was the most prestigious thing and in the community they are worshipped especially by young girls so when we put them in their place they sulk. They are not gods. Our age difference never bothered me in spite of the fact that she was a few years my junior. When I got to work her car, a cherry red audio A4 which you could spot from the moon was not there. She probably had gone to one of her parties and was sleeping in. She often invited me out but I refused saying that an African married woman only attends weddings and funerals the word OUT does not really exist for us. Yes with all my so called brains it’s never actually bothered me that I was fine with my husband going out.
I hated working here. The nurses often were difficult to give instructions and at times it felt as though they did it on purpose to make sure you did not give them duties. It’s the world we live in. I often did things myself but there is only so much one can do. I had put off opening a private practice because if I did who would raise Lintle? Growing up in Jhb meant I felt much as I had my professional duties I also had my home ones and with these vultures everywhere from sugardaddies, drugs right up to criminals and conmen one has to keep both eyes open when raising a daughter here.
My husband called me. He asked if we could talk this out. I asked him why and what for? Mxcm I should not have picked up that phone call because he became cheeky and told me it was obvious. The nerve!
“What is the name of your daughter?”
I asked him. I wanted to know not because I cared but because it could help my private investigator in a big way.
“Her name is Nelisa!”
He said thinking maybe I was now letting him back in.
“Nelisa who? Does she have a surname or is she using yours?”
I asked him! What the hell? What if she was and I did not even know that? The thought actually stung.
“No I think the mother said it’s Songelwa or something Xhosa like that!”
Phew! I actually breathed a sigh of relief!
So the little enemy was called Nelisa Songelwa!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
I’m a 24 years old female. When I was doing second year in 2010 I met a guy. Well, he flashed a lil bit of money den I was hooked, I don’t get why I was so stupid but we met in march and in april I was pregnant. I later found out that he was 18 yrs older den me and he has a daughter my age and another child with 2 different women and he was separated with no kids in the marriage. Let me just say we both got way more than we had bargained for, because I’m sure he was just looking for a little play thing and I was just there for the money but we ended up with a baby boy. He did right and he took care of me, went to pay damages got me an apartment nanny etc and I continued with my studies. He bought me a lot of things got me my license and car. He was very scarce and busy all the time and he just couldn’t make me happy. He then waited for me to complete my final exams and I got a job and moved from durban to pretoria and that was january 2013. Well he than dumped me…
I met another guy here in Pretoria, things were very good yes I was playing around still trying to get over the breakup. Four months into the relationship I found out he has another two month old relationship on the side well he dumped that girl on the spot but I also dumped him. His family got involved and I ended up giving him another chance, but my trust was so broken and I had become so insecure. I’m that type that believes eye for an eye I also cheated on him and he was also heart broken well it felt good seeing him break down. We decided to move in together I think so we could just watch each other. I later found out he was still texting the other girl when I confronted him he got so angry that he pushed me down on the bed and he pushed my face. There I couldn’t take it he apologised over and over again and well I love him so I took him back.
2014 june he went home, paid lobola and we bought a place in december. February this year I quit my job to start my own business. Well this guy is very insecure and he calls everytime I’m an hour late or when I get home he is all moody, and we don’t talk for days at some point he said since my business I think he wants my money I’m the man blah blah blah, well yesterday 2/04/2015 we hadn’t been talking all week so I was tired of it I tried cheering him up came home with some liquor and we played a drinking game and we were fine, we even had great sex and we started playing well playing fighting and let me just say it ended up with me being pushed to the floor and strangled. My neck is sooo sore and my whole body is just sore. I’ve always feared that this guy was abusive because of the way he always reacts where any male friend is concerned, the way he has always wanted to scare me and shake the truth out of me.
I’m very confused on what to do, he’s been asking to have a baby since he’s 29 and doesn’t have any child. Well I always argue I already do have a child out of wedlock and I’m waiting to get married but my biggest fear is he will get abusive once he feel like I won’t be able to leave him.
Am I turning a blind eye to all the signs or am I being paranoid. Should I continue investing in this relationship.
O my son adores him, he stays with his dad but every time I call he always asks about him. All my friends think I’m soo lucky as this guy is soo crazy about me and treats me like a “queen”..
I love this guy but I would hate to waste my time, to end up being abused.
Sorry for the novel