Realities – Chapter Six

We have all heard horror stories about rebel teenage daughters! It does not matter what level of society you are from, you can be rich and suburban or poor and from a village but this one thing we are all not immune to! Some girl children love things too much to the extent of being delinquents. It is the scariest thought ever which is why most people readily say they would rather have sons just to avoid the teenage years of having a daughter. It comes across as sexist but a girl child is not only expensive but if she discovers the joys of dick and money at a young age you have a seriously problem! Most of us have a sister, daughter or friend who is so notorious they call her names on social media. When I was younger, we used to have this thing called Mig33 and every couple of weeks something called Shwaswhi would come out exposing the most notorious teens. If you made that list then clearly you must have been bad. I always used to look at my daughter who was young then and tell my self that no way in hell was she going to end up a village bicycle, a drunk or that girl that suffers from FOMO (fear of missing out). It’s a scary thought. It’s every mothers fear because usually society blames the mother and not the daughter, especially if she gets pregnant. I was so disappointed and I am not going to lie, for this one, I was going to beat the crap out of her, screw what the government says about corporal punishment.

My husband looked at me defeated, he did not even have energy for the sight in front of us right but with me it was different. Two things happen to you at that moment! There is the relief! I was so glad she was home and safe and by the looks of it nothing had happened to her. Nothing beats that. Only a mother can fully appreciate the relief of seeing her girl child especially, safe and unharmed. Men yes can have the relief but a woman fully appreciates why it is so scary for a girl child to go missing. Its a dangerous thing for a female to leave the house every morning and men do not understand this. They will never live through the constant fear we have that someone will try and violate us, worse when you are saying this in connection with your girl child. Only God knows why we live like this really because it is such a painful existence. With that said there was the second part, I was livid! To say I was angry is an understatement. To see your little daughter like this is devastating. Its like you have failed. Its not that they grow up so fast but that they grow up so wrong. Had I really failed that much as a mother. She was smelling as though she had been drinking for the last two days! I know the smell because we deal with drunkards at the hospital every day. It is the most pathetic sight and that thought seeing it on your child just makes it worse. She was still in uniform even now which just made it worse and me even angrier.

“Give me your belt!”

I said to Sizwe who looked baffled for a second but he saw I was not playing.

“No my dear, you don’t beat her you sit her down and talk to her!”

He said reluctant about what was about to happen!

“Talk to her about what? You already know how she answers back to everything we say and it’s all because of this don’t beat crap now give me your belt!”

Eish, when I grew up we had fruit trees and what’s worse we had a mulberry tree. My father would say before a beating,

“Nothabo, go pick out a thin brunch that is as long as you are tall!”

At that point what would get you as you walked towards the tree was the fear of what was about to happen. I would cry all the way to the tree, once I even pee’d myself and I was eleven at that stage. Secondly in your mind, if it was as long as you it meant to you that it was a very long ass thin branch. The problem with a mulberry tree branch was that it doesn’t break at impact! Nope, that thing had remarkable resilience and as though to add insult to injury it had a tendency of wrapping around your body when it’s on you! Good times I tell you! I hated my father after every beating which although it was very rare and I had to have done something very very bad to earn that, I promised myself I would never do it to my child but here I was. Once he caught me when I was just thirteen kissing a guy at the corner of my street. He stopped to make sure I see him then he drove home! I remember I ran home so fast I must have gotten home before him but that’s a story for another day! For now I had to deal with this Rihanna wannabe!

Sizwe gave me the belt and said he did not want to be part of this. He said I must remember that we were trying to punish not maim the child! Stupid man! He was so annoying! I went upstairs and took another belt. When he saw me coming he immediately came to stop me but because I was angry with him I hit him three times with it. I was screaming so loud at him that he backed off. Guess what, my little drunkard heard absolutely nothing. Mapula, the Aunty that works for me came in to find out what’s the commotion. I immediately asked her what time Lintle came in and she said 330pm. That was the time she normally got in meaning she had tried to deceive everyone by trying to be as normal in her routine as possible! These kids of today! I went to her bag and looked through everything. In her pencil case if found a joint and yes I know what it looks like! Imagine! Weed in my baby’s case! I confiscated it. I went to her phone but it was locked! I confiscated it too! Her ipad I hid and the computer I could not take it as she did homework on it. I disconnected the wifi, by taking out the sim card! All through this she was sleeping. My husband stood there with his arms crossed.m he had stopped arguing! That belt had really worked wonders! Now that I was done, it was time for Lintle!
She was lying on the couch and she was in her uniform! Her blazer was off so I did not have to content with that!

I swung that belt so hard that immediately when it made contact with her skin she jumped up so high to a standing position! I started hitting her and she started running around the house. She is pretty quick for a lazy child!

“Where were you?”

I was screaming! She didn’t even bother lying because clearly she knew she had been busted.

“I went out with my friends!”

“You are lying! Do you have a sugar daddy with a black mercedes!”

I asked when I stopped to breathe! She was corner now, no more hiding! Through her tears she said,

“Eeuuw mom that’s disgusting! I would never do that. It’s Jerry’s mothers car, she went to Belgium and he is only 17 and not even my boyfriend!”

She said defending herself. Who the hell was Jerry. At least it was not a sugar daddy! That much I am grateful for. I beat her again and she ran into my bedroom and locked it! She locked us out of our own bedroom! I screamed and shouted and banged the door but she would not open!

Thirty minutes later the doorbell rang!

It was the police!

My daughter had called the police on me!

Fucken kids of today!

I blame Zuma and Thabo Mbeki for giving these shits too many rights!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Hi Mike and fellow readers, thank you all for the amazing reads,
diaries and comments!

So last year, soon after graduation, I started dating one of my closest guy friends, we were class mates in varsity.Things went really well for about 2 weeks, until we had a disagreement
about his flirting with girls on Facebook and he decided to ignore me for like a week. I was not about to invest in a nonsense relationship so I sent him a couple of texts about what I expect a relationship to be and so he dumped me, telling me I was full of myself and needed to get of my high horse…lol! Anyway I was not too bothered because I figured he’d be back like a lost puppy in no time, to my surprise he really kept it up. Eventually I started panicking and would text and call but I got nowhere. I even begged and he would tell me shit all the time so I gave up eventually.

In November last year I discovered that he had done something at work and got suspended, I reached out and we would talk here and there, on his birth day 21st Nov (three days from mine) we went out together as we have previously always celebrated our birthdays together and ended up having sex for the first time then. The following day, he had to go back to the town he was working in as the investigation at work required him to be around town or something like that. The thing is he went back and did not call me for a whole week, well I also did not but girls surely you understand me here. I remember us texting one day and me telling him that I loved him and the idiot replied with a thank you. Mxim I found it all so stupid so I told him shit and decided I was done. Over the December holidays we would talk once in a while but it seemed that none of us was trying to work things out. In that time I realized that I actually really love him and missed mostly my friend because we had become really close since first year varsity. So as all the pain was getting to real then I decided once again to just let it
be and move on.

It worked for a while until one day he called to tell me about a job advert of a job we regarded our dream job back in school. We both applied, and got invited to write their Entry tests. While preparing for the test, he decided to come to town as that would make things easier for us. He stayed at my place, did some business interests
during the day when I was at work, and we studied nights. We talked and got onto the same page about what we want and how he had been taking his stress about the work suspension on me. I got over it and we patched things up and even made future plans and spoke marriage and babies. We wrote the tests and he decided he was going to hand in his
resignation at the old job as they were taking forever to come to a decision. As his salary would stop when he resigns, we had come up with a financial plan that would carry us through with my salary and savings for at least 7 months while he finds another job.

As luck would have it we both passed the tests and got interviewd and last week I got my offer to start next month.

Following the interviews he went back to get all his things from the other town he worked in, we even went to moving trucks together to go give them the job and paid, found storage he would keep his furniture till he found a place. The night he got there we spoke on the phone for hours and that was it. The following morning I texted and that night I called and he did not pick up, I tried for a couple of days and eventually gave up. I have no clue as to what happened and I just dont care anymore. The situation (clearly not worthy to call relationship) has turned me into a woman I dont like, im insecure, always second guessing myself and really just feel like there is
something wrong with me. The fact that we would have an argument at times and he just goes quiet, has made me feel like I am maybe a bit much. So I have decided “again” that I should just let it be.I have in the past allowed him to always do this shit and when he comes back I just accept it. figuring out what his deal is, is damn near impossible, he will ignoreme straight up for months, meantime he has my pics as pro pics on whatsapp and facebook and will be out there making it seem as if we the happiest together.

I just found out that i am pregnant, while I had the energy to deal with his weirdness, I am not about to let my child be part of that world. What if I let him back in and one day he decided to just up and leave? How would that affect my child? I always prefered to not have kids by different men, as I grew up with a step dad who is probably the devils first cousin and a dead beat dad who has been blessed with way too much sperm. I have so many siblings
I dont even know them all. so a little voice in me says to be a big girl and deal with what I have been dealt, as his problem does not seem to be cheating or the sorts. I am however also considering not telling him that I am
pregnant and just doing this on my own and safe myself and my child from his bipolar freak shows. I’m really not exaggerating, wed be chatting and this guy just goes quiet for days like that. That can’t be normal.

Last night he showed up at my place and believe me he was acting like nothing is wrong. Come with gifts even, and wanted us to go out and celebrate as he also got the job. my frnds say I am being dramatic and like attention way too much, so its just my head because he loves me and will make a great father. I’m convinced he is bipolar but he acts like he doesnt know what that is every time I bring it up. IV watched enough movies to know that, the disease affects peoples lives deeply and I just don’t know if im strong enough to sign up for it…

Anybody have a close one living with bipolar? How is it going? Ladies what would u do? Stick it out or give your baby the life u think will the better one? I am really stuck here…

sorry for the long letter, summarizing was never my strongest.

Thank You


38 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Six

  1. Personally I think you need to sit this man down and tell him how you feel about his disappearance acts and this thing of him going mum for days. You should tell him about the baby, who knows maybe such news could change him for the better and be the family you want. But if he doesn’t accept it either way and take care of your child yourself and make peace with things.

  2. Happy Bornday Ntoza :). Thanks Mikeesto, hmm! The good old days of Mig33 and YatMe, these kids have no clue. Awesome chapter brother.


    Yho that letter was longer than the chapter, you can actually write a book me thinks. Uberfacts says that relationships between friends have a 90% survival chance, I guess you are the 10% shem! This guy is taking you for some sort of ride, I don’t know what kind or where the destination may be, but it seems like a pretty messed up journey.

    Congrats about the pregnancy, I’m sure you are strong enough to cope without this ‘bipolar’ baby daddy, that guy has wicked tendencies. Maybe you should consider a private investigator, just throwing it out there. Anyways, whatever you decide, I hope you find peace of mind and happiness.

    Bonne chance!

  3. Happy birthday Ntoza!! Have yourself a super day.

    Thanks Mike 🙂

    @Desperate I think you know deep down that he WILL do it again. You WILL go through it again. Have your child’s best interest at heart too when you make your decision. Good luck.

  4. Hello Desperate.

    I believe this back and forth hurts you a little each time and you need to stop with that before you become bitter and develop an attitude towards relationships as a whole. Tell him about the baby but dont get back into a relationship with him until he deals with the bipolar problem. I dont have any experience with it but I am pretty sure it can be managed somehow.

  5. Desperate I can relate to your frustation. I am dating a guy who has been diagonised with the bipolar disorder. He is very loving, he is my first and the only guy I’ve been with and he sacrifices a lot for me. We are in a long distance relationship and the places he stays in the people always think he’s gay until I come visit coz apparently he lives to go to work, come back, watch movies, talk to me over the phone for hours. He even proposed but the only thing that bothers me is his instability and mood swings. One minute he is all lovey dovey, the next he is indirectly accusing me of things I did to him many years back, the next minute he is apologising, then sometimes before taking his anxiety pills he will play boxing on his phone while I wait for him in bed, then the minute he comes in bed I am supposed to just open my legs for him. Bottom line: he is confusedan annoying and frustrating…

  6. Thnx team…..

    Happy b’day NTOZA,may u c many more.

    Q&A…. You are in a relationship with someone who is trying to find himself, I for one think that he’s a psycho (BORDERLINE), I suggest you put your needs & unborn baby’s needs first forget about a jerk who calls himself your man

  7. …But then because I am a very independent and ” don’t-take-shit-from-men” type I read my magazines and go to bed straight after if he’s playing games. I used to break down back in the day for someone who would cry the minute I complain and want to dump him. I realised that I will probably never get a man who made me the centre of everything in his life like him. He literally took a study loan for me at one point when my bursary wasn’t paying out and he doesn’t earn much. Even his family and friends adore me coz he loves me. Here are a few tips;
    1. Give yourself a peace of mind. Focus on other important things in your life, if he is having mood swings don’t allow yourself to be a victim but then again just ignore him.
    2. Don’t be nagging. Bipolar people are scared of women who stand their ground. Show him he is not the centre of your life, he is not irreplaceable after all.
    3. Sit his ass down and tell him how you feel, tell him that if he doesn’t want this he must just leave and stop confusing you. Good luck dear 🙂

    Happy happy born day ntoza !!! Enjoy

  8. Thanks Mike and the team 🙂

    QnA: I’ve been in something similar and trust me you can talk all you want but its like talking to a rock. Its like the person never takes you seriously at all, they just look at you like you’re speaking in Greek. I think you should tell him about the pregnancy though, as the father he has a right to know but don’t have any expectations, if he’s as bad as you say the pregnancy won’t change him but at least he’ll know about it. Wena just focus on giving your baby the best life you can.

  9. Thanks Mike

    Desperate I must say you have writing skills. I don’t have an advise for you so I will tell you what I would do if I were in your situation and hopefully you can pick up whatever you think you can use from that. I would tell him to get the hell out of my life. Who the hell does he think he is walking in and out of your life as he pleases. No man will treat me that way and still gets to call me “his girlfriend”. He has issues you and your baby don’t have to deal with. I would tell him about the pregnancy but insists that he stays away from both me and the baby.

  10. Thanks Mike

    Q&A Dear from what i have picked up, this man is hiding something and mostly in this cased its a steady woman (talking from experience). I used to date someone who will just disappear every now and then, only to find out that he has someone he is living with. So advice don’t take it likely or as bipolar something is really up here. hire investigator or sit him down to know everything which is very unlikely for the truth gotswa hoene.

    As for pregnancy dear congrats, a child is always a gift from God’ take that fear off.

  11. heheh! o masepeng ausi! excuse the french. I’m stuck in a 12 yr relationship & also in the same boat! lets enjoy the ride… at least dude doesn’t physically abuse u

  12. Happy birthday Ntoza.. enjoy ur special day.. <3 <3

    Siyabonga Mike. Hehe d days of mig33 bo mxit etc.. aii . Shaya mama if ingane leyo ikubophisa- uyihambise nawo lawo maphoyisa iyohlala nawo. Spoilt bornfrees with unnecessary rights.

    QnA. Sisi mina ol I can say is dating someone lo emotionally unavailable z a hassle. . He goes and cums as he pleases' ds ryt here is a situation indeed not a love relationship. Deep down in ur heart u know wats best for u.. easy or not just take a stance and do it for u and nana. Ol d best ntokazi !!!

  13. A2Q: Sister you are not desperate so stop calling yourself that. Every human being wants,needs and deserves a woman/man who will love and care about his/her feelings. I have been there twice,last year and Mike gave me a great advice so I finally plucked the courage and dumped his stupid ass. Thank you Mike for the advice, the unfortunate part is that he now calls me non-stop that I even decided to ignore his calls. The second one was going the same route and fortunately the relationship was a few weeks old and he also got his ass dumped. I ain’t gonna be anybody’s booty call or agony aunt

  14. QnA I have friends with Bipolar and its not a condition that makes someone come and go as they please in your life. its a serious condition, it is not a choice. don’t make excuses for the man because he is playing mind games with you.

    maybe you need to evaluate yourself, maybe the problem is with you, maybe too insecure, too clingy. but do not say you watched TV and can diagnose someone with a mental condition.

    we all have that one guy who we are willing to become fools for, that guy who plays with our hearts and minds and we allow them to. don’t be spiteful by keeping a child from him just because you guys couldn’t get it together.

    you worship this guy but its time to call a spade and spade. look yourself dead in the eye, be honest with yourself, figure out what you want and what you need and go get it. you’ve held yourself hostage under this guys thumb for too long its time to wake up and take responsibility of your life.

    good luck for all your future prospects
    wish you all the best

  15. Q&A. I’ve been there. He is perfect when you’re with him, but other wordly when you’re not. I found out I was pregnant, decided to let him know the day I ended the relationship. I wish I hadn’t even told him in the first place. I figured, my child deserves atleast one parent,if not 2. Yes, God gave us both the opportunity to parent this blessing, but I figured if I’m busy trying for a relationship, wondering where’s he at, what’s his vibe etc, I won’t have all that much energy to focus on raising my child. Something had to give, and he was the 1st sacrifice I made as a parent.(I also found out, he had another girl pregnant 4months ahead of me) He was in and out of my existence for the duration of my pregnancy, and was there when she was born. 2 months later, he became erratic and crazy and was apparently abusing prescription drugs(he was a doctor) and was later diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I cannot describe his behaviour immediately leading to that point in so much detail, because I kept my interactions with him minimal. But a lot of what u are saying was the last month of our relationship. When our daughter was 6 months old, he died in an accident lastyear. God gave me the chance to distance myself beforehand, he gave me instinct and decisiveness, I will forever be grateful for. Follow your instinct, your child couldn’t choose his/her parents, but God chose your for him or her. As the primary care giver, it is up to you to protect your child from all harm, emotional or otherwise. Now is when the parenting begins. P.s I later found out that my daughter has atleast 3 other siblings,and all the situations were not koshure. So I thank God too for that justification.

  16. Someone took my DOAZG name. I post as Nana and yes I caught feelings about! A2Q: Honey don’t be desperate. He has obviously been communicating to you that he is just there to use you, screw you and dump you. When a nigga loves he will show it and when he doesn’t he will show it too. A man won’t say no to free nookie or a free lunch even if he doesn’t love you. He sounds like a dishonest guy coz since varsity he didn’t regard you well and now he does whatever he wants. At your new job, keep your distance coz obviously he can be dishonest again as he hasn’t really changed after disciplinary action fron his other workplace. Don’t let him take advantage of you more than he has or rather drag you down with him. He sounds like he will be a headache of a baby daddy as well.

  17. QnA I really dont think this guy is bipolar, think he has fear of committment and you are coming on too strong my angel (well for him that is) Im in a similar situation, be less available to him, well you pregnant now thats gonna be a little to hard to pull off but, what Im saying is men like to chase sometimes, I notice that the only time you say “let me let this go” is when he is gone lol, when he really would be much happier if you stopped bugging him. Whenever this guy comes back you welcome him, I used to be like that as well, we’d go days on end without texting or talking and when I he decides to talk, well invite me to his place for drinks and pizza or whatever it may be, I would jump at the chance cos he knows where to touch, Im an indoor girl through and through. Once in a while play it rough…I know we too old for games but sometimes you just need to play rough for someone to feel how you feel sometimes. So I decided to act like I have a boyfriend or the side…shit there wasnt anyone but I had friends that would pull through for me, whenever He spent the night over and I’d cancel on him and leave with the friend, I’d arrange facetime with close guy friends just to shake him up a bit, stretch my response time to 3 hours if need be, cut convos and say you busy. Im happy to say that now he is the one running after me, why cos men like the chase, and for one who doesnt like committment boo, being scarce more than he is will bring him running to you. The talk about marriage and kids was just to get you to do what he wanted you to do. Said truth is, ever saw that ugly guy that no girl wanted back in high school? All of a sudden when he gets a girl every girl start crushing on him? We have those its the power of wanting something that is wanted. You wont jump at a chance to grab the lowest fruit on a tree cos nobody wants it, you wonder whats wrong with it? Why hasnt anyone picked it, soon as someone picks it, you say you saw it first. Think about it. Think about how many times you’ve rejected this guy, how many times you’ve played along…it will all become clear. As for the pregnancy I dont know boo, I have never been for babies before marriage only you know how you feel about this, it is too personal.

  18. Oh my gosh Mig33 it was the Eish yoh and I called myself BabyAnna , I made so many friends even today we still in contact. Thanks mike just too back.

    Let go of this guy and Keep the baby and live you life to the fullest.

  19. Thank you Mikey 🙂 Rihanna wannabe neh!!

    Q&A – eish basadi mara!! Firstly my sister, you forgot your worth. A re thome moo. You have allowed this guy to walk all over you for all this time. I don’t blame him. If a man treats you like that stuff that comes out your bum and you keep taking him back what do you expect? Know your worth and leave this man. Secondly, stop watching too much movies. They are exactly that, MOVIES, unless it is a documentary. What you just described, o soghela bipolar wa batho serious. If he could talk he would swear at you. This man only remembers you when he needs something that he knows you can provide and of course, you always fall for his charms. Stupid woman!!! And after he gets what he wanted, he leaves you high and dry. What makes you think he is not cheating? Maybe you are just a side-chick or worse, just a sperm dish to him? He has tendencies of a guy who when he is with the head office, he will ignore the branches to the best of his ability. So mama, accept that you are one of the branches. So now that we got all that out of the way, stop lowering your standards to accomodate this guy in your life. You are worth more than that. As for the pregnancy, tell him. Whether he is there or not, you did your part of letting him know but I think and hope you have the capacity to take care of that child on your own. Kick that loser to the curb mama unless you just enjoy drama then you should join Generations The Legacy…

  20. Q&A Your “man” does have another woman in his life , I’ve been in a relationship like that but I was only playing around as I also had my straight. .It was frustrating when I would call for days and get his voice mail, and what guy says thanks when told uyathandwa. tell him about the pregnancy but don’t expect him to change his ways. Try moving on

  21. ThankQ Mike for a lovely chapter

    QnA..pls stop diagnosing the guy with Bipolar and all those kind of excuses disease…it will just make u feel better but the reality is that the guy is using you because u always there to welcome him back whenever he’s in need for something….let’s say he has a bipolar…pls ask him where its taking him to whenever he dissappears…probably to another who thinks he’s Bipolar…u sound like smart and doing well for urself…continue doing that and scrap him off ur future plans…or else he’ll be playing hide n seek with ur emotions. Congrats n goodluck with the baby…

  22. Happy birthday Ntoza
    first time commenting #superhappy, it was a great chapter Mikey
    A2Q: u shld tell dat guy abt ur pregnancy bcos every child deservers to knw their father but u dnt have to get into a relationship with de guy, u shld tell him dat u dnt lyk wat he is doing and dat he shld get his act together bcos there is a baby coming

  23. Tnx evry1 who wishd me a blessd born date
    mg33 gone are those days tjo mike o ntsoseditse diletseng lol,bo 2go so#dead#
    Desparate day guy is using u 4 his benefits,tell him str8 in da eyes dat u are done,a boele ko a tswang teng nd leave u ka kagiso

  24. Q&A I think that deep down inside you know that this guy is not the one, I quote “I was not about to invest in a nonsense relationship” but you did! Nothing can excuse his behaviour. The truth is that he is just not that into you and that’s a fact! You need to turn up your self esteem and love yourself enough to let that nonsense go! Good Luck!

  25. Q&A: U mst stop caling yoself “Desperate” bcz U hv med yoself desperate 2dis guy2 & alwd him 2abuse U. F*k d “bipolar” theory & “womanup”. This guy does not deserve U bt bcz Uv made yoself his 2nd home ( I think H tells his ada gf hiz going “home” whn he comes2 yo place) U hav lost yoself-worth.
    I agree wth Jckzor, Kvee, LadyD etc who say the sooner U cut ties wth this player the beta 4U & yo kid. U can jst mention 2him so he knows abt D child but don’t 4once expect or alw him2 come bck into yo life.
    Even luk 4another job if psb 2C him les bcz H certainly has a hold on U & makes U so gullible its not funny!
    But yoself oe download a classic song “Whn a man LOVES a woman” Percy Sledge (RIP) – Im almost revealing my age here. But play it evry tym U think about this guy & U wil know H is not D1.
    Concentrate on U even while preg (congrats by D way). Iv seen sexy preg women & U can even get a few guys commenting U, ask some 2b yo unborn kid’s godfather. Here is D trick – Let them do the chasing. Remember,no meta hw independent Women wil B, Men are born hunters. Alw us 2b. If UR smarter jst set a few traps 2get D right 1 4U – PapaG.

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