Realities – Chapter Seven

A lot of parents don’t know this, it is illegal to beat up your child! A lot of kids on the other hand, those who went to the right schools of course, know this all too well! Education therefore comes with a price! At times don’t you ever wonder where you were when some of these laws were being made? Imagine your thirteen year old daughter being allowed to have an abortion without her parents consent? How then will you ever know that she is sleeping around and you need to intervene? That’s why I have issues with some of these things! How can a parent not be allowed to discipline her own child? We all wonder why these kids are so promiscuous, smoke wonga\nyaope, abuse alcohol and are rebellious to authority, well, there is your answer! A lack of discipline created by the fact that they know there is absolutely nothing, ZERO, you can do about it! Some of these laws need to be revised because only a parent with teens can fully appreciate what nonsense these kids can become. This morning I woke up a normal mom now I am headed towards jail, all in one day! I was too shocked to be angry at her! That is what my precious daughter had reduced me to!

Police no matter how old or young you are scary hence I why ad reason why to be concerned. My husband started talking to them and asked them how he could be of assistance. When I heard their voices I knew I was screwed, it was a white police officer! Black people know, it’s much more difficult to bribe a white officer than a black one because you don’t know how they will react. A black officer you can talk down and plead with but a white officer it’s totally different. It’s because a black officer usually can understand circumstances because at some level you can relate whereas with a white officer they usually know nothing about your culture.

“We got a call from a girl saying that she was being assaulted!”

He said sternly! Even his voice was harsh and unfriendly. How was I going to get out of this? I was not built for this!

“Assault? That’s a harsh word officer, disciplined yes most definitely. She is my daughter!”

My husband said. He tried to looked shocked to sell the ignorance but I knew as well that he knew the law.

“May we see her please!”

The officer said and without invitation stepping into the house! He totally disregarded what my husband had said because him it was irrelevant! My husband called her down from our bedroom but the spoilt brat refused to come out saying that she was scared I was going to hit her again. It sounded so bad coming out like that! I had not even hit her that much so what was she on about. In her privileged little life I doubt I had ever hit her, that’s how much I loved her. The officer went upstairs and knocked. I could hear him saying,

“This is the police, you don’t have to be afraid please open up!”

And the door key turning. She opened for him.

“Thank you for coming, my mother is trying to kill me!”

She said immediately as. The door opened and in between sobs! She immediately jumped into his arms to hug him. This was just getting worse! I looked like that abusive parent we are all warned about. I bet you if I lived in a village or township this would never happen! I had allowed my daughter to grow up like this. He came downstairs with her and we all stood in the lounge.

“How old are you?”

He asked her.

“I am 15 turning 16 in a month!”

She said to him. She could have said 16 but am certain she was saying it like that to even sound like an even bigger victim!

“It smells of alcohol in here, where you drinking!”

He asked her. She said yes she was earlier on and when she came back to sleep I had beat her up for it! She explained to him how she had cut school and said it was because of stress and family pressure. She told him how her father was being denied the right to bring home his other child because I was so controlling and how they were both so scared of me. How on earth could that be a reason she did not even know that girls name! She was milking it and for a moment it seemed as though it was working.

The officer and his partner went outside for about two minutes then he came back in. This time he came to me and addressed me directly. His hands were on his gun and for a moment there I thought he intended to shoot me!

“I am not going to arrest you at this occasion because I have a teen of my own and would probably have done so myself.”

He said to me. I was totally shocked! Had he not heard that sorrowful story she had just given about this monster mother she had. The relief that swept through me at that moment!

“I should warn you though, next time it won’t be me who might come so refrain from hitting her!”

We thanked him and he walked away. My daughter was indignant! She could not believe I was not punished! Who was this child? Had I raised her so bad she hated me this much. I wanted to confront her but my husband was the voice of reason and stopped me saying,

“Let her go to her room! Fighting with her now will not do us both any favors!”

He was right. Me chasing after was what she wanted would just make things worse.

“I think you should bring Nelisa over so I can meet her!”

I told him which by the look on his face was something he did not expect.

“Tomorrow if you can I want to get this over and done with because it’s haunting me!”

“I am not sure I can! She is the most stubborn person I have ever met!”

He said very uncertain!

“Well make a plan otherwise don’t come back! This family is cracking because of you so fix it!”

I said as I walked upstairs to the bedroom!

I locked the door!

*****The End******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

I am a 24 yr old new single mom with a 2months old beautiful baby girl, my baby daddy left us while i was 6 months preg when i caught him with his ex, ever since then we stopped dating but because im unemployed he kept maintaining my pregnancy and now still supporting his baby and recently married his ex just last month, i was deeply hurt coz iv been with this man for 2 years nd few months and i never wanted kids before i met him but because he loved kids and always wanted a child since his a doctor and pretended to love me i didn’t know he was gona walk way from me while carrying his first child! Mind u his 30 years of age! problem is i no longer want him back, how can i when he rushed off to get married? I just want to cut him off and support my baby but the problem is i am unemployed, he just bought me a new phone, sends money for me nd my baby and pops in my house twice a day and calls all the time! Its very hard to forget about someone when they are always on yo face! If we really was not good enough for him then why is he still up in my ass all da time, im tired and need to let go and forget about him!, i graduated last yr September with an environmental and water science degree and no luck in finding a job since i started applying from February this year, i really want to focus on my career nd my child but how can i when is hard to get a job! I need help!


36 thoughts on “Realities – Chapter Seven

  1. Hie Mike.

    Thanks for another great read. It made me forget about the chilly weather and the madness of xenophobia. Sorry Lindo. I went restaurant to restaurant and got a job as a waitress and I was a graduate at the time. Fortunately I got a job 3 weeks later.

  2. Thanks Mikeesto, happy Monday fam. Special shout out to Nongo in Bostwana, you been hiding.

    Lindo, firstly nje at 24 you shouldn’t be having no babies with no proper plans of how you going to support them. Proper plans include expecting the unexpected, like him ditching you and marrying his ex. But its sour grapes now so to hell with that.

    Its unfortunate that your feelings or lack of control is making you consider cutting your babydaddy off, and you say he does all and beyond for both of you?! What do women want really!! Sisi you need to think like a mother now, survival instincts. He dumped you, got married and he is still supporting his child and you, accept that and don’t ruin it by feelings that will cloud your judgement. Focus on getting yourself a job and letting him be with the child alone if need be, just to limit the time you spend together, it gets better with time.

    Don’t isolate your child and you from a Man who obviously is responsible, some are not that lucky. All I ask is that you don’t open your legs to this guy again, coz then your dignity, whatever is left of it will evaporate.

    All the best

    1. I agree with Jack fully on this one. SA women we are an angry bunch. we need to rise above our anger and do best in the situations we find ourselves in. you are frustrated diverting your frustrations to him.

      focus on you and what you need to do. job hunt. find a job. continue with your studies. it seems at the moment you have too much time on your hands. a idle mind is a dangerous one. take charge of your life and start being productive with it.

    2. Well said Jack, I would say she will be selfish to stop this guy from maintaining his child simply because of his feelings. some of us we fight for our Ex to pay school transport. Lindo you are blessed and don’t kick away those blessing based on feelings.

  3. Nice chapter mike

    @Jack I like you , I would not mind having a male friend like you .You are usually on point on your comments and always telling like it is and I am learning a lot from your comments . Keep up the good work

  4. Q&A
    hey Lindo we all make mistakes as young people but dont try cut the baby daddy out of the child’s life. But talk to your EX give him ground rules regarding your relationship status, he cant just play boyfriend whenever he wants, unless you dont mind being the second wife which is not a bad thing provided all parties involved are happpy. on being unemployed dont just focus on your field of study, apply for any job so you can start being independent.

  5. Q&A
    As TD Jakes said; “don’t have a baby because of the baby daddy because if the baby daddy leaves you will still be left with the baby”.

  6. I think I am lost…why is this lady complaining? ok, just kidding… Dear, in this life you cant have everything. The man is here & taking responsibility for his child. Just accept that you were the rebound girl, that why he went back to marry his ex. Chances are the ex also doesn’t want him keeping contact with u anyway.

    So just enjoy the ride & focus on getting a job or go back and do your Masters degree… The time spent studying will keep you more than busy to worry about trivial things.

    You are 24yrs old & have a man who’s supporting his child (and u also by the sound of things).. This is more than what even some married/divorced/single OLDER women cant achieve in this day & age.

  7. Dear Lindo
    So he didn’t marry u but I’d doing the right thing taking care of u and his child.and it means his wife I’d a reasonable caring woman for allowing him to take care you you.u have a child together and u Are bonded for life. U are just gonna have to deal with it

  8. thank you buti Mike.
    my Jakzee im here darling sometimes too lazty to write but cant miss Mr Maphoto’s lesson otherwise i fail my modules .lols.

    Q&A No words for u cc, coz really nna im a superwoman gake tsee matlakala.

    Nongo @BW

  9. Good Morning good people and a great week to everyone. Morning Mikey!! Thank you once again for our daily dosage.

    I must say I am really disappointed and actually disgusted by the behaviour of other bloggers here. I used to enjoy reading comments and actually laugh about most of them but lately, I honestly do not even look forward to reading the comments anymore. People have turned this blog into a playground where sewerage just passes through it anytime. All the insults that were flying around on Friday just tells me how immature and actually disrespectful some people are. Clearly we have no respect for each other but can we at least have respect for the creator and writer of this blog, that is Mr Mike Maphoto. That is the least we can do considering he sacrifices his time to actually share his talent with us but what do we do at the end of the day? We actually shit on his face and show him so little respect that I actually think we are not better than the people attacking foreigners in our country. I do not want to mention names but honestly people, if you have something against someone, then don’t read their comments. Rather do that and refrain from insulting each other and in the process disrespcting Mr Maphoto.

    Q&A, Jackzorro said it better.

  10. @ Uhuru I wish for the same. @Jackzorro you are my hero. I go through comments just to read yours. Always straight to the point and brutally honest

  11. hi I would like to ask how you post when you want advice on something. do I email it and if so can I have the email

  12. @ Lindo i broke up with my baby daddy and later found out i was pregnant and was unemployed and yes he supported me through the pregnancy and he still takes care of his child,But you need to set out boundaries that that the only relationship he needs to have with should only concern the child because the way you say it sound like your the other woman and dont allow him to treat him to treat you this way as in the long run this will confuse the child

    Does his wife know about this and how does she feel about it

  13. Linda dear,

    I’m seriously confused at what you really saying….this is disturbing to me, there are many single mother’s out there who would appreciate what your baby daddy is doing….just toughen up coz clearly you still want him or bitter of his marriage….his doing what most men out there are failing to do, supporting his child including you for that matter even availing himself to be with his daughter…What I hear now is sooooo petty and somehow unfair of you to be complaining of such…

    Deal with the feelings you have for him, and learn to appreciate what his giving you and hope you do get a job but don’t cut him off your childs life once you bounce back financially…

  14. Thanx Mike,

    Q&A unfortunately this things happen my dear, lucky for you he is still taking care of his responsibilities including you because you are not his responsibility. set ground rules, he cannot come as he pleases otherwise you will never move on. cutting him off his baby’s life is wont be wise, never make the mistake of “sleeping” with him again. you need to have your pride and dignity.

    Good Luck

  15. Things are getting interesting.

    Answer to Q
    I don’t thing you should cut ties with your baby daddy just coz you want to get over him. Put your child first, I mean he does everything a father should, do not deny your child ubaba. In time you will get over him and maybe become friends for the sake of your child

  16. Lindo you are single but not a single mom, Ladies get that right if he supports and spends time with his child then he is part of the child rising process. you don’t become a single mom just because he dumped you. Oh Lindo get over your high horse and climb a lower one, ok. Fine your relationship didn’t workout and what he did was a dumb move played you but hell don’t cut him out the child’s life just because you’re hurt. Hope your Job hunting goes well, it’s getting harder and harder getting one of those things these day’s.

  17. Thanks Mike for the great read.

    Dear the guy is doing what many single mothers want their baby daddies to do, and he is doing more by taking care of you to…

    Cutting ties with the guy because of how your relationship with him unfolded, will be selfish. Considering he is a hands on father in every possible way.

    Talk to him and discuss a visiting routine that will suit both of you and especially making sure you see less of him. Like him taking the child for a few hours, that way you have time to do that job hunt and network…

    Meet new people and somewhere, somehow you’ll find someone who knows the right people. For the time being anything will do for you job wise.

    After all, we all have to start somewhere. ALL THE BEST MA’AM

  18. Lindo, I don’t mean to be harsh girl but I need to break it down to you and other young women out there.

    First and most importantly, let us stop falling pregnant because your boyfriend wants a baby. If he wants you to have his child he must make you his wife. Having babies is for wives. He must not make you do izinto zabafazi uyintombazana.
    2. Pregnancy is never a mistake. When you open your legs the results are a baby or aids or both. Contraception is free at all state healthcare facilities. You can get an injection that lasts for 3 months, an IUD that lasts for 3 years, 5 years or even 10 years! It is fool proof and 99.99% effective! You are unemployed. Have no social or financial resources why are you making a baby? 3. Now that he has left you and married a smarter woman, uzokwenzan? Cutting him off the child’s life is just vindictive. That child needs a father even if he is a visiting father. Cutting him off is also spiting yourself because awunamali uzomondla ngani umntwana? Accept that you’ve been played and move on. If he wants you back, he must divorce his current wife before he can even hug you.

  19. Thank you Mike

    QnA Take Jackzinto’s advise:)

    WORD @ Kayvee
    thank you for addressing this issue.
    things are really getting out of hand here.

  20. sisi are you sure you were not a side dish? how can your man get back with his ex within 5 months and get married even something doesn’t add up. I also don’t understand why should we praise this guy for doing what his supposed to do anyway- taking care of his child. Yes he cheated you and left when you needed him to be by your side, he should have been there and not just financially and you’re hurt he wasn’t.

    You need to talk to him, I don’t understand why he calls soo much. But cutting all ties with him will be like cutting your nose to spite your face. let him take care of his child and just love your child it will get better in time. .as your child grows older her daddy can even take her for sleep overs meaning he won’t be on your face all the time. Good luck

  21. Lindo the man is acting all responsible and u dnt want that? U want ur child to grow up without a father….just bcos he doesn’t love you??? That is so selfish shame… Wena u need to heal and accept that he has moved on…it will get better in time… If u keep acting like a teenager his wife will give him a baby and he will totaly 4get about yours..and you dnt want that…if u dnt wanna see him rather arrange that he takes the baby and bring him back later..

  22. I hate these spoilt brats, she’d be the first one to beg the judge when he sentences her and realizes she’s gonna be without her mother for a very long time. Ziyangnyanyisa lezizinto nx!

  23. Kayvee well said dude, long time hey………..this is really getting out of hand, we used to be a family koda hey abantu namacomment abo, can we pls go back to the family that we used to be pls guys.

  24. iyo aa hle this kids of today iyooooo…. in my time I wuldn’t dare call the cops on my mum even after she bit me up like hell as a matter of fact my mum was the kind to ho to my school and tell my teaches to hit me if necessary…. lol I wonder how she knew I wuldn’t call the cops

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