Missteps – Chapter One Hundred & Twenty Three

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I don’t know about how other people feel but the sound of police sirens and the blue lights but they scare the crap out of me, this has nothing to do with the fact that my husband is a criminal, I’ve always just been scared of the police, whenever I get stopped I feel like I’ve done something wrong or they will find some fault and fine me or try to arrest me.  Hearing my husband say utter those words and seeing the police car next to our car didn’t just scare me it shook me to the core, I wanted to open the door and run out, but where the hell would I run to?  Mthobisi said “act calm and stay cool okay Honey” I shook my head and thought, easier said than done, but the way I was so freaked out I was even scared to open my mouth and speak it felt like the police would hear me and arrest me.  Mthobisi opened his window and didn’t get out of the car like he was instructed to I looked at him and thought, this man has balls of steel, why the hell isn’t he jumping out the bloody car?  Does he want the damn police to start shooting at us?  Like I said before I was soo terrified that no words would come out of my mouth I was just watching everything happen in front of my eyes.

Mthobisi “Sanibonani bo-baba” one thing I’ve learnt about South African’s is you have to greet, it doesn’t matter if the person is Zulu, Sotho or Venda first thing first is you have to greet them, this shows some sort of respect.  In Joburg Zulu is the universal language everyone speaks it so automatically when you greet you will greet in Zulu and only when they greet back will you find out if they speak Zulu, Sotho or something else. They greeted him back in Zulu and I thought to myself that this is going to be tough, most Zulu men are extremely stubborn , they asked him why he was  driving reverse on a one way and why he was not getting out of the car like they asked him to.  My husband all cool and calm replied “my car is out of petrol, I just realised now when it started jerking, I was reversing because it’s not able to go up this steep hill, a few meters from here there is a garage so that is where I was going.” And to my husband’s luck there is a garage a few meters from that bridge, the cops got out of the car and told my husband they will help him push the car to the garage.  They parked their police car in front of our car and started pushing the car which my husband had just put on Neutral, and this car that was being pushed was on full tank.  After a few meters we were at the garage, the cops were sweating so much their sweat would have filled up buckets and buckets.  Mthobisi thanked them and gave them money for cold drink.   They took it and told him to always check the petrol before going anywhere, next time he could be stuck very far from a garage, my husband nodded in agreement and they left.   As soon as they left we went inside the garage shop and bought sweets and water and I burst out laughing, I asked him “how on earth did you come up with a petrol lie so quickly?” He shrugged his shoulders and said he didn’t know where that story came from it just came to him like a bolt of lightning. I laughed and said “You are too crazy.”  We drove home in a different route and managed not to run into any cops as soon as my head hit the pillow I passed out.

The following morning Mthobisi had to go to work, Champagne my husband’s friend arrived for what was supposed to be him looking after him, I protested and told them I would be fine and besides I doubt that Fundani will pull another crazy stunt, but Mthobisi and his friend were having none of that, we all eventually agreed to having Champagne come check on me every hour, I was happy with that, the last thing I needed was a baby-sitter.  I stayed home with no car and no kid to play around with, I read magazines and watched a lots and lots of TV I even managed to watch Days Of Our Lives and damn it’s still the same as 20 years ago, I fell asleep while watching it.  I was woken up by my phone ringing it was my husband calling to check up on me, I told him I was good and all was well I was  just bored,  he told me to enjoy the last few days that I had at home because the following week I was needed back at work.  Mthobisi had been dealing with my boss and updating them on what’s been happening with me and as far as they knew I was still in hospital, I was happy with them thinking that, the last thing I wanted was to be back at the office after all that is where everything started.  I decided to take a nice long bath, I left a note at the door for Champagne letting him know I was okay, he hadn’t come by in 2hours so I knew he could probably come while I was bathing and start freaking out if he doesn’t see me.

After the bath I decided to cook dinner, I hoped and prayed that Mthobisi would come home early from work, it was barely one day at home alone and I was already bored out of my mind I was ready to pull my hair out, that’s when I realised that being a house-wife is definitely not for me, I would die in a week.  While I was cooking I received a call from She Rocks who said she needed to conference call all of us at once so I held on the line while she connected with Cleo and Andiswa, finally everybody was on the call “Look Rock Star, the pots are burning so whatever it is you want to say, say it fast” I said.  Andiswa replied “Yhuuu, you just got out the hospital and you cooking? Where is that lazy helper of yours?” Cleo “probably too busy trying to seduce another married man” I laughed and told them I don’t know where she was she left for the weekend and I haven’t been able to get hold of her ever since and besides I don’t mind cooking for my husband.  She Rocks had made this conference call because she had something to tell us but us being women, you know how women never shut up, we are the typical example of that, always have something to say, we went on for about 10 minutes talking about our own nonsense, when She Rocks finally got tired of waiting for us to finish she burst out “Ladies, I made the damn call, if you had recipes to share with each other or tips on how to remove stains from a blouse you should have called one  another on your own damn time, bloody hell, I can’t even get two seconds to say what I wanted to tell you.” we all went silent for a few seconds the Andiswa said “Geez She Rocks, how bad are things with you and the CEO that you have to take out all your sexual frustrations on us?” we all laughed but She Rocks was not amused, the joke about the CEO always ticks her off, there is some guy who is a client of hers and he’s a CEO in his company,  he’s had a thing for She Rocks for years but she cannot stand him, he’s arrogant, ignorant, sexist and loves to brag which are all the things that she hates.  She saw that she was not winning this so she said “Can we all meet at Lee’s house since it’s sort of centre for all of us, say in 45 minutes?”  Cleo moaned and said why can’t she tell us over the phone and She Rocks said she needs to show it to us.  I secretly hoped that she had meet someone and was bringing him to show us but what were the chances, this is Joburg, every man you meet has some scandals in his closet.  I text  all three of them the security code to use at the gate when they arrive.

Mthobisi arrived before the girls got there, he asked me about my day and I actually had nothing to say, I usually have a long list of things that happen during the day at work and can’t wait to get home to tell him but on that day I had nothing, I wanted to tell him about the episode of Days of our lives but didn’t remember much of that since I fell asleep while it was playing.  So instead he told me about his, more like a summary of his day all he said “I had a good day Honey, it was stressful but good.”  Really? Does that even make sense?  How can a good day be stressful, what’s a bad day like then? I decided to let it go because I knew my husband was not going to say anything further about his day, that topic according to him was done.  A few minutes later She Rocks arrived, Mthobisi asked if she was joining us for diner, I said yes. Then Andiswa arrived, we waited for Cleo and I decided to dish up while we waited, we chatted about work and how their day was they got into detail and told me how work was and which Boss was giving them a hard time and I looked at my husband and said “that’s how you suppose to explain how your day went.” He laughed and said “I don’t have so many words in my vocabulary” we all laughed.  After eating Mthobisi said he had some work to do and went to his study.

Cleo had still not arrived, I called her phone and it rang with no answer.  Andiswa said she can’t stay much longer she needed to get back home her boyfriend was coming over.  I asked She Rocks “what did you want to show us?”  She said we have to wait till Cleo got there.

We waited and waited and eventually She Rocks said “okay, I don’t think Cleo is coming so I will show this to you two.”

She opened her bag and took out her tablet and opened pictures of a man and a woman with a little girl, it looked like a cute happy family.  Before I could ask why she was showing us that picture Andiswa exclaimed

“oh my gosh, isn’t that Cleo’s husband?”

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