I know people will think I am stupid but when a man you loved so much for so long comes to you and say ‘baby I made a mistake’ it is so hard to ignore! I don’t know how else to describe it. Yes there is the anger but then also enters the relief, the relief that you were not the one that fucked up, you were not the one that walked out on a beautiful thing. Girls know deep down that 90% of the time we were not the ones who were wrong and led to the break up in the relationship yet we take the blame and blame ourselves for allowing things to fall apart this much. I am a girl after all. I am not superman. I want to be loved and to love someone I truly care for. Mudenda was my longest relationship and of course I cared for him more than anything no matter how angry I was. Only a woman understands what it means to keep going back to a man who does not deserve her even when she knows it. Sigh! I looked at Amo and his beautiful little hands and I could not help but wonder what it would be like if all three of us where together. I had a job to do though, an interview. Much as I was so confused by that sms I was also so happy that it came. I had peace of mind but my interview came first.
My sister was already waiting in the car and she shouted at me for taking so long. She was not really mad though. I could see on her face she was excited about something. I know my sister. I did not ask her though as I need to focus on the task at hand. Interviews! That’s another schlep altogether. Those who have been to one will understand where I am coming from. The people in front of you look like gods and they act it too. They have the power to make or break you. If you are a pretty girl and you interviewed by other women you can rest assured that the job is not yours. If you are a pretty girl and there is a fat guy on the panel, again be rest assured that you will not get that job. They are just as bitchy as women. Funny enough this advice we were given by a white career guidance speaker at school. Yellowbone or beautiful only works if you have a young male panel or a very old woman. Remove all the expensive weaves if you really want the job because for some reason guys love thinking, “she doesn’t even know she is beautiful,” so that means she is humble! Stupid men! We know what we look like and just because I rock up with short hair does not mean I am not beautiful. That’s not how it works but if it’s good for you then it’s good for me. The career guidance lady also said wear a long pencil skirt if you have a good body because it tells two stories, to the guys it says what a sexy body and to the females it says smart and conservatives. Come to think of it that lady never addressed us again, maybe she was fired.
When I got there I was five minutes late, oh the shame! I ran in half expecting the interview to have been cancelled. The lady who was at reception assured me however that I was on time as he had another meeting. I asked if I was the only one being interviewed and she said yes then laughed shaking her head. It was like she knew something I did not know.
I was directed into the boardroom. Enter a man who was wearing shorts and and flops. I kid you not, a black man at that! There was so many things wrong with that. In black people culture unless you are wearing a suit then you cannot be taken seriously. I thought I was in the wrong room and he could see my confusion. He was probably in his mid 30s towards the 40s so indeed this was inappropriate. Should I take offense?
“I see you are concerned about my look but don’t worry, it’s golf day today so I have to prepare for that after this meeting. You are Aurelia’s sister correct?”
He said casually opening what I think was my CV. My mouth opened and for a moment there I thought nothing was coming out.
“Yes I am sir,”
“Don’t be scared talk! Why should I hire you?”
He asked me very seriously? Dwee, because either you or a friend of yours is fucking my friend, I thought but I did not say that out loud obviously!
“Because I am willing to do whatever it takes to make it work!”
He looked me over quickly as though he was checking me out and said curtly,
“You will do. See you on Monday!”
He stood up and walked out. Just like that. I had a job. My feet refused to move. I wanted to thank God there and then and maybe pour holy water but I stood up in a dignified manner. I couldn’t stop smiling even when I tried.
The girl at reception said as I walked past. How did she know? I thanked and walked out. I wanted to jump out with joy. I did not even know how much the job paid but that thought of being employed meant more thank anything else at that moment. I finally had a means to feed my child and if anything the man I hated the most had just declared he loved me. I was still not sure what to think? It’s not rocket science that whenever him and I where good things always seemed to go well. Look how just now I had gotten a job. Fine it was through Aurelia but I was back on my feet already. Crap, I must call Aurelia.
I said screaming on the phone. I was literally jumping up and down. Her response though was rather underwhelming.
“I got the job! I got the job!”
I screamed. I was so excited.
“He beat me up yesterday because I wouldn’t have sex with him?”
I was confused now!
“Who beat you up?”
I was not sure what on earth she was talking about and with good reason, how could I?
“Your new boss Faith, your new boss! You can’t take that job!”
I wanted to say something but at that moment nothing came up!
I needed this job!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto
Let me begin by saying thank u so much for the wonderful read. I enjoy all your blogs, they are so good, enjoyable and most importantly they’re eye opening.
I am a 34 year old married woman. I have a brother, last born in the family who paid lobola for his fiance this past December, we were all happy for him and really loved the girl (sister in law to be). I however recently found out that this girl has child that she hid from my brother all the 3 years they were dating and only told him about the child 4 days before the lobola negotiations date, and claimed she was gang raped and fell pregnant. My brother being the good man that he is, he still continued with the negotiations. When my brother went digging from her family to find out more about the rape he actually found out she was never raped, the child was fathered by one of her ex’s, he went to confront her about it and she confessed she was scared of losing him hence she lied to him.
Mike I find it so hard to forgive her, I feel betrayed by her and I what makes me even mad is that my brother went on behind our backs and married her, this is after he had found out about this whole thing. I now find it so hard to even look at her, let alone having a relationship with with her. My brother expects us (the family) to put this behind us, love her and play one big happy family, but I find it so hard I often wonder if she really does love him. I can see its going to take my brother a while to actually accept it himself, to now be a father to a child that was hidden from him for 3 years. I do not know how to help in this situation, maybe getting other people’s opinions might help me help my brother.
Guys English isn’t my mother tongue so please ease up on me.