Rumblings – Chapter Thirty Five

Posted on Posted in Rumblings Of A Jilted Baby Mama!

It had never actually struck me what would happen should Mudenda suddenly have a change of heart and want to be part of my son’s life. Well as single mothers we cannot allow ourselves to have such fantasies. Men disappoint you especially those that put their dicks first. This could mean he would want me to allow visitation rights as well want Amo to go stay at his house for some weekends. Eh, this is definitely not what I wanted. I had not thought that far because in my head all I wanted was for him to send money and stay far away from my baby. Besides, after his fiance had wished my child death why on earth would I allow her near my baby? I was so troubled by this.

“This is such good news Faith because it means that Amo will have a bigger family not just us!”

My mother said when she caught me lost in my thoughts about an hour later. I had lost all focus that she had even taken over the cooking. I am not sure that I can ever fully understand this woman. Now she was talking about us sharing my baby? Hell no! I just wanted him to pay and stay away from my child. His fiance had already made all those threats so why would I be so eager to do this. I told my mother about the conversation I had had with Meladi and she was quite stunned by it all. She even sat down for a moment.

“I think she was just angry when she said that but we must bring it up when they come. She can’t get away with making such threats!”

My mother said. She was not done though,

“Faith this works in your favour in so many ways. She is pregnant herself meaning that how will he ever ask for Amo to come over? That won’t work at all meaning that Amo will never go visit as that other girl won’t be able to cope! He pays damages plus maintenance for Amo and you are sorted!”

She made a bit of sense not that I was actually taking it all in. I decided to call Aurelia to tell her about this update. She was with my mother on this one and said that I should not deny my baby the right to see his father. I do not get it really! Everyone gets angry at the woman who is raising and feeding the child alone when she refuses for the biological father who has paid no part in the child’s life a visit. You become the witch that caused all this and are selfish. I asked her how she could take his side considering all that she knew. She said she was not taking my side or Mudenda’s side, rather the Amogelang’s side! She then asked me something I did not expect,

“Did you give Tidimalo my number because he called me?”


“What are you talking about? I did not give him! What did he want?”

I asked her. She said that he had asked for lunch so that they could talk. I was simply stunned. She said she had turned him down but she was certain he was the type to persist. As soon as she hung up I called him. The first thing he said was,

“Why are you calling? Has something happened to Amo!”

He had been sleeping but that was the first thing that came to mind. He was so sweet his concern for my son.

“Why did you call Aurelia?”

I asked him. I was not mad but rather anxious. I did not want him falling for my friend. That would be a disaster. It’s clear they already had chemistry from how they had interacted and again that was something I feared. If I dated him again that would mean I would always be jealous of how they got along. A bit too well at that.

“I did not realize that I am not allowed to talk to girls anymore…”

His words dripping with so much sarcasm. He was his own man he was telling me but not at myy expense.

“Please she is my friend. I would not handle it well if you guys dated. Come on you are my ex!”

I reminded him. It was actually uncomfortable saying that because of late he had become more than ex. He was a friend, brother, and indeed a male figure in Amo’s life making him a dad too. So many things in one.

“Mudenda’s family said they want to come and pay for damages for me…”

I told him changing the subject! It was uncomfortable as is!

“Damages for what? He thinks he can just waltz in and save the day like that! I am going to fuck him up if he shows up at your house! I swear to you on that one! Fucken moron!”

And he hung up! The phone actually clicked in my ear like those old house phones! If I didn’t know better I would say he had banged the phone down!

But then again,

What was that about?

****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mikeatdiary (instagram)

Dear Mike
I am a young lady, 22 years of age. I come from a very loving family. I live with both parents and I have two siblings. I am the first born. I would say without any doubt that my parents love us and do everything they cane for us. I do not need anything. I have everything I need and that’s all thanks to them.
I am not a very demanding daughter. I hardly ask for anything. I am very grateful to God for blessing me with such a family, I cannot imagine life without them.

My problem is that somehow, I do not seem to get along with my mother, sister and brother. What I mean is, I cannot get along with them when they are all together. Someone has to find something wrong in whatever I do or say. But when I interact with either of them individually, it’s great.
My brother and sister have been together most of their lives. They are best friends. They even call each other “mmataka” , “my friend”. They have a strong bond. They attended both primary school and high school together. I went to a different school. And because they’ve been together most of their lives than I have with either of them, they can relate with each other on many things: they know the same people, talk about the same things and both have tough skins if I can say that (I am a very sensitive person and I get offended very easily). They are what I like saying, free spirits, they aren’t as emotional as I am. They swear a lot, to each other, at no offense at all, that’s just how they are. Whereas Mr on the other hand, I don’t swear, and get really hurt when they do at me. I prefer to be on my own at home because I want to avoid any argument with either of them. Now this makes my dad very worried. I sit in my room just for peace sake because I don’t know hore hake ka bua tlebe ke offenda mang.
I don’t know how to explain what I want to write to you, like I have to dig deep to find the right words. The thing is, I feel like we don’t get along when we are together because we don’t have much in common and because we are very different (personality wise). My parents don’t seem to get that though. They don’t get that my brother and sister are closer with each other because they’ve spent so much time together. They also don’t get that we have different personalities and that we express ourselves differently. siblings fight, that’s a fact and will always happen. But whenever we do have disagreements, I’m the one that’s blamed harshly. I am the one that gets the rough end of the stick. I’m the one whose feelings get hurt verbally. I am the one who the parents look at as if I’ve disappointed them extremely. I admit, I have made mistakes which I am really not proud of, behaviour wise. My sister is a very outgoing person, she’s over the top. A diva. She exaggerates a lot. So much. Le ha qhoqha fela o add’a ‘spice’ unnecessarily. Whenever she does something, cook or clean or study or pass a test, she wants the whole world to know. I always tease her by saying o rata maaka. My parents know she exaggerates haholo, but not when it comes to me. Whenever we have a disagreement, she’s always the one who goes and tattle-tales to my mom. And my mom always takes her side, without even wanting to hear my side. I’m the type of person that keeps to herself, as in I won’t go and rant to my parents about how my brother or sister swore at me or just spoke to me in disrespect because I know that parents stress when they hear stuff like that. But no, my siblings do the opposite. I’m getting tired of it because now my parents think I need some kind ke intervention. My siblings like saying I treat my friend’s like gold and them like trash, I can tell toy now that i don’t. I treat them the same. It’s just that sometimes it’s easier to be nicer to my friends than them. I don’t know if that makes any sense. Recently my sister and I had an argument where I lowered down the radio volume and she demanded me to turn it back up in a very rude tone and I did not. Then we had a verbal spat nyana and soon as my mom called she told her, exaggerated and said how there is never peace when I am around. Now whenever my parents call them, they tell them to pray for me. They speak about me behind my back. I know it’s me they speak about because the last call my sister had with my dad he asked about me and she said im around and she said that prayer won’t help. It hurts me so much.
Mind you, we lived together for a year, her first year and we got along so bad. I practically did everything for her and tolerated her behaviour.( we lived with two of her friends at different times, male and female that year. I did not rant to my parents about this as I knew she would get in trouble, I let the situation go and got used to having these people around, they grew on me).
Yoh Mike weitsi I have so much to tell you, like it’s so much writing this letting is so overwhelming and so out of my character. I never tell people how I feel, I hate being vulnerable. It’s just that now all of this is getting to much for me.
With my mother, she complains about me so much to her side of the family, she complains that i don’t cook or Cleans. And I can tell you now that yes,i do not like cleaning, I hate it, but I’m not lazy and I actually don’t mind doing the dishes. I find it therapeutic. I do clean, I cook too, more than clean. I enjoy cooking. But it’s so hard to cook when whenever toy do, you get criticised about your food. I am very sure that to my aunts, I’m that child you do not want to have. Ke lazy and ke ungrateful. She once told me that she will never be satisfied with whatever I do. Those words haunt me till this day because I try best to make her happy. My mother also likes cpmparing my relationship with my siblings with hers and her siblings. I don’t know how she thinks we can have the same relationship where she does not have the same relationship with all of hers. She’s much closer to only 2 out of the 7 of her siblings. She also compares my dad’s relationship with his siblings to the one she has with hers. I’ve told her many times that people aren’t raised the same. And we are all not the same. She cannot expect us to be like how she is with her siblings. I mean it’s great that she wants that for us but it’s impossible. My sister on the other hand, she hates doing the dishes, and my mom knows this and she sometimes does them for her. She never complains about this.

Anyway, mike, pelo yaka e tletse. I do not know what to do anymore.
I’m so hurt. A ke happy at all. I don’t know if vele something is wrong with me or not. I don’t know what to do anymore. I have so much to say. I know this letter is all over the place, I touch on different things, but they are the things that I feel like I can explain and express at the moment.

I’m sorry that this letter is so long.

Thank You

54 thoughts on “Rumblings – Chapter Thirty Five

  1. Thanks sir mike for d wonderful read.. eish indaba ka Faith. QnA ndaba ende imma comment later. Have an awesome day lovely family.. 🙂

  2. Thanks Mikeesto, Tidimalo neh, une drama this ex!!

    What on earth is this 22year old on about? Like can someone summarise that novel and show me where the actual question is…. Mike come on… Bathong, people send your letters Mike is running out…. I can’t believe I had to read about sibling rivalry or whatever that was about. #Yawn


  3. Thanks Mikeesto, Tidimalo neh, une drama this ex!!

    What on earth is this 22year old on about? Like can someone summarise that novel and show me where the actual question is…. Mike… Bathong, people send your letters Mike is running out…. I can’t believe I had to read about sibling rivalry or whatever that was about!! #Yawn!!


    1. I thought it was just me…..QnA’s letter made me feel sleepy……I wish she can get a friend or even better get a life & see that there are people out there with real life problems….

  4. Q@A I do get what u saying girl, I do feel the same way about taking my time cooking for people and the next thing they criticize my food dats so damn hurting is like what u do is never enough on their eyes, they tell u u dnt wanna clean then u wake up early and cleans the next thing ur mom take the broom and start cleaning as if like u did nothing and she will tell you that o kolomakile half and yena o kolomaka ntlo ya gage better than u did, then y should u clean y should u cook if no one appreciate what u doing, and I think your family are on ur case because u are the old one u should look after them as rude as they are as naught as they are as ungrateful as they are u should do good by them no matter what or else ur ass will b on fire dear.

  5. Jackzorro lol … yawn..yehheni
    Nooza u are shud b Aurelia cz ryt now Tidimalo n Faith are enemies le Meladi n Mudenda… so Tidi wudnt drim of assistance from Meladi ke. Concentrate

  6. Q&A by the sound of things I’d conclude that your mom is actually your stepmom, coz that is the way I see it. It would than explain a lot of things, speak to your father and ask him to shed some light. You are 22yrs old and I think that you should be able to deal with the truth if there some truth that is being hidden from you.

  7. @QnA .You need to tell your family this even if you write a letter.Tell your parents this.and also lots of Family therapy should help.

  8. Dear QnA,

    Your personality is killing you, and sadly there’s not much you can do about it because that is who and what you are. Have you ever thought that the reason your family members seem to speak of you and not with you is because you’re a socially awkward person to deal with, not to mention fragile people are just exhausting to handle. Having to sensor yourself and gauge whether comments will be offensive or not is just plain tiring.

    Parents, well let me not speak for everyone, but the parents that I’ve come across in my circles of interactions will always criticise some even go to the extent of comparing you to your friends, siblings and cousins. In spews of anger after I’ve done something wrong my mom will always say “Why o sa swane le mang mang” but that doesn’t mean she loves me any less.

    Therapy is expensive, here’s some free probably unsolicited advise seeing as you didn’t really ask a question. Stop seeing fault in your relations:
    * If your mom doesn’t praise your domestic efforts, oh well there should be other areas you excel in
    * your parents (mom) take your siblings side over yours, it happens girl, it’s called being the eldest, they expect more from you. You’re 22 so I’m assuming your diva sister is in her teens. What exactly were you expecting your mom to do, crucify the youngin for your fragile self? grow up and be the big sister you are meant to be and stop your five year old tendencies,
    * Your siblings bond over their vulgarity and common acquaintances, surely there’s a few common family jokes you can chat about or a tv series/movie you can watch together, stop alienating yourself on purpose and blaming other people
    *get out of your room and start taking interest in what your family is doing and at some point you will imprint yourself into commonality

    at the end of the day, at least the rents are still asking about your well being, concerned as they are, are evening requesting for prayers for you, on top of theirs i’m assuming. Don’t make life difficult for yourself by making mountains from molehills. Soon enough you will grow up and have real issues that will make you look back on this very letter and wonder why you wasted so much of your time being upset at your family instead of living your life and enjoying the time you spent with them while you still could.

    It will take time and not happen overnight, but will effort and dedication you’ll get there.

    Sorry for the essay guys

    I am Zama

  9. Aaahaah Tidimalo, wonder what’s on his mind.

    QnA: Mhhhh 22 year old, well long story but hey these things happen. Wt did u expect? That u grow up in yo own world and be the same just because u were carried by the same woumb. I don’t think so, u are saying it urself that they even have their pet names so u can’t expect to just blend in just because u were born by same parents so all in all u are now 22 and I hope u furthered ur studies whilst u were away. So please don’t expect miracles overnite just because u just came back. @ the moment don’t bottle yo feelings up so rather talk to yo parents first as they need to know how u feel and hw was yo life without them.Find sumthing that suits u well and keep urself busy with it whilst u try and find what u can do 2gether that won’t harm yo relationship bt rather revive it like dinner and stuff and swearing just ignore it and let yo parents deal with it. @ 22 u can have yo own apartment bt if u leave now u’ll never have that chance 2 mend yo relationship. Gud luck

  10. Thank you Mike.

    Q&A, Not everyone will understand what you going through, to them sibling rivalry is normal. I also was the black sheep of the family, expected to do everything for everyone and without any appreciation. I pushed myself and pushed until I crumbled, I became rebellious and as a result got pregnant and my aim was to punish my Mother, which was wrong for there was another innocent soul brought into the equation. Parents are sometimes unaware of the rift they cause on the children for failing to be impartial, at home we do not get along with one of our sibling because she was always “little missy do good” and now that the parents are no more, the crack is there for everyone to see.

    I would suggest you maybe right the same long letter to your dad, I say your dad because I think he might be able to see your side of the story and then talk to your mother and siblings. What you going through might seem small but has the possibility of blowing up big, some people lose their self-esteem due to poor parenting and bullying at home. Hang in there and don’t lose sight of what’s important to you and at the end of the day, family is all we have.

  11. Thanks mike. Q AND a. There is nothing wrong with you sis. You need to find peace within yourself. Please go see a therapist, or try God. Prayer and meditation changes things. But most importantly try to have that inner peace, build it so strong that it wont shake. Appreciate yourself some more and please try to stop pleasing people. You can never please anyone even your parents. Try have peace, love youRself some more. fEEEDEEEE!

  12. I feel you faith this man must not mess around after he’s taken good care of your son. Be bold sisi and don’t let him out of your sight for a second.
    Q&A SIsi you need therapy lots of it and maybe get an flat.

  13. Mike, Ramblings is just too short………..Love it Love it Love it!!

    Q&A: I am so sorry but half the stuff is brought on by yourself. You don’t have to be like people to get along with them and sometimes you just need to get over your sensitivity and role with the punches, maybe your brother and sister don’t want to chill with you coz they feel you’ll be offended by what they do and say.

    My sister and I are 8yrs apart and we’re the best of friends, we fight, she tells mom, we hold hands and sing Kumbaya and get over it.

    Your mom is also fuelling this animosity between you and your siblings and I also suggest you take a break from your family, let them miss you and STOP playing the victim here. You need to grow a pair of big girl balls and stop letting them walk all over you.

  14. Okay, Tidimalo acting like the jealous “boyfriend”, what was that all about ngempela faith…

    Q&A, There is nothing wrong with you at all, some people don’t understand the consequences sibling rivalry can have. Parents have this tendency of thinking they love us all the same but you can see that they favour others more than you. They don’t realise that this builds up hatred, jealousy and divisions amongst siblings. I understand why you would prefer to hang out with your friends more because they understand you more. The thing is with family you can’t replace them with anyone as they are there for life. I don’t know how do advise you but all I can say is that I understand what you feeling. I hope this does not lead you to become suicidal as I can see how you could fall into a darker space because you feel value less and unloved by your family. I agree with Enhle’s advice regarding the letter though, maybe that will help. All the best dear.

  15. Lol hai mara girl eh ke essay shame, couldn’t even finish reading it but what I saw ke gore you fight a lot le your lil sis and you parents are always at your case, only cause you are older and bona they under you. What I’d suggest ke gore you must try talking le your lil sis alone, take her out or something and make her understand how you feel cause honestly your mom won’t side with you and truth is black people and therapy don’t mix, where the hell will you get therapy? *google?* I doubt it. Try talking le your sister, get her on your side or just live your own life and ignore them, go out more often with your friends and just distance yourself away from them. That’s what I do, hope o be sharp hey.. Mike you are a great writer, I can’t get enough of your stories…

  16. Dankie Mike.

    Q&A I couldn’t finish reading your letter, its too long for a black woman lol. Anyway siblings fight, some worse than others. You can either fight back or ignore it. I used to ignore my sister when she started her warfare which annoyed her and made her stop talking. Or I would just say one thing that will make her question the point of her behaviour.

    Don’t entertain fights with your siblings. Because they see you as the weakling of the family they’ve made you a doormat, wiping their feet on you.

    Your letter though.

  17. U have gota like tidimalo mmh hope faith gets da break she nids… n QnA hope u get al da help u nid sisi even tho i stopped on the second paragraph wen i realised dat letter was neva ending n yho props 2 u dats da longest letter by far damn u can write shuu

  18. QnA i understand your pain fully, I am sensitive like you and my family life was like that. I even got blamed for my brothers drug addiction and all his mistakes as if it i was his parent,yet i tried to be a good example to him and to be a model daughter aand never cos any trouble but nothing i did was ever good enough.Sometimes parents dont want to admit that they are failing as parents so rather blame you. there is nothing with u being sensetive.writting letters to ur family to try to express your feeling wont help,instead bazothi uyabadelela,they will find fault with it. The solution for you is to move out. Yes we love our families but that doesnt mean you have to put up with their rubbish. When you move out the four of them will be faced with each other and you will no longer be a scapegoat.move out peacefully,and come to visit occassionally never staying more than 2 days. I did the same thing,(though my moving was more running away) I was 19 and went to visit my half sister,then got a job. my dad called 2 weeks later telling me to come home and i told him i got a job. He was angry but he got over it. My point is get ur independence. dont tell them you plans untill things are concrete cos if you do they will crush ur hopes. this is from one softie to another.

    wishing you all the best xxx

  19. Tidimalo still wants u back Faith, thank u Mike, eish i’ve been struggling to comment yooh! M glad m now here.

  20. Q&A- I feel you girl. I am 27 years old and I have the same problem at home. You need to express your emotions. Sit both your parents down and tell them exactly how this makes you geel. It is easier said that done but as soon as you get enough courage, do it.
    I believe that you are very importand and you have lots of potential. Wait till the day you have children and they tell you how much they love your food.
    I would say, learn to be independent and move out into your own quiet space. This will teach alot about yourself and the things that you can and cannot tolerate or handle.
    Yes family is importand but you are dark horse here and I mean that in a good way. I am also a dark horse but I love myself. I have learnt to be secure and accept myself as I am. Flaws and all. Nami I believe that I cook terrible food because my family acts like that when I cook. But the truth is that you cannot make everyove happy. Know that people are going to be hard on you even when it’s not necessary.You need to be around people who appreciate you and your character, people who value your existence. I am not saying that your family does not value you, but maybe they need to not see you to realise your importance in their lives. You are special, don’t forget that.

  21. QnA… I know what you are going through and I would strongly advise that you deal with these feeling as early as now because the impact it will have on your life is just too dangerous and scary. Please see and talk to someone neutral as soon as possible, a priest, therapist (if you can afford 1) etc. Not family, because the advise they will give you will be biased. On the very same breath, look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself ukuthi “how have you contributed to the problem?”. Once you acknowledge that, take responsibility and apologise. Thats the first step to recovery. Forgive yourself from depriving yourself a healthy relationship with your family and try and be the bigger person in this situation. Especially towards your siblings. You did mention that you are the eldest right, try see their behavior as childish. It will save you a lot of unncessary heartache. Lastly, you need to have a heart to heart with your mom. Know exactly what to say (right it down and rehearse it if you have to) and ask her to listen to you, but don’t do this when she is having a bad day (you and I both know what will happen if you pick one of those days, right), do it nje on a good ordinary day. Hopefully something might come out of it.

    All the best!!!!

  22. This Book always makes my day. Thanks Mike.

    Q2A Girl at first glance it looks like you are suffering from Bipolar Mood Disorder. The extent to which u are sensivite and somehow offend people without being aware you are doing this. U know there is something wrong but u can’t put ur finger on it. Do u have racing thoughts like think of a lot of stuff fast fast. from a glance it looks like BMD but to know for sure its best to consult a medical ft doctor who can refer u to a psychiatric or of u don’t have medical aid. U can go to a hospital and request to be admitted for 72 hours as a Voluntary Patient (meaning u can leave anytime)… and ask for a psych evaluation. All of this sounds scary I know but if it is indeed BMD you will get the help that you need before your thoughts overtake your life.

  23. Good day my darling. I understand what you are going through. I have 1 brother whom whenever he was with my mom, I couldn’t do anything right. That led me to being an extrovert to my friends who understood me and I’d feel my baggage getting lighter. I’d do what makes me happy. Ever since I moved away, my relationship with them has improved.

    To get away from them is to play your favourite music in your bedroom. It worked for me

  24. Ithemba alibulali…to think I was eagerly waiting for Jackzoro to help this poor young lady seeing she is a misfit..both in the family n in the society! I always trust him with all the advice but on this one he juss killed the lady’s attempt in seeking help,she will probably withdraw back into her shell..she clearly didn’t need such a response,she has too much bottled feelings which are hurting her! Anyway nana what I have to say to you is talk to your family and tell them just how much their treatment is hurting you. Stand your ground and tell them you are a person of your own n they should stop comparing you to other people..that their criticism about the food you cook and all the negativity is just uncalled for! You will never be like your siblings..neither will u be like their aunts’ daughters but you are still their child and whether they like it or not you are stuck with them! Tell them you have put up with their unreasonable behavior and that’s exactly where your patience ends!

    From there you also should start living your life,you already have wasted so much of your young years trying to live for n pleasing other stern! Tell yourself that it stops now! You will not care what people say about you! You will do everything that makes you happy..if they can do or say anything without caring about your feelings about it why should you care abt their feelings too? Stop being a softie,your parents n siblings have asked for each man for himself and God for us all-Give them a taste of their own medicine!

  25. Could Tidi’s sudden outburst mean he actually wants Faith back? Cool I think i like this Tidi guy but then why ask Aurelia out? oh well anxiously waiting for the next chapter.

  26. Hello Tidimalo…. This man I love for Faith

    QnA You pretty much summarized my life, except my siblings don’t swear nor do I need an intervention. That’s just how it is boo, I was my mum’s favorite…but I grew up, went to varsity and quite outspoken. So yes as the adult, unfortunately you take the bullet.

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