Memoirs – One Hundred and Thirty Six

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

The problem with this country is that when ever you bring out the issue of stereotypes no wants to look at the facts. I read somewhere that Xhosa women always feel victimized when it comes to being accused of going ratchet on men. I am from Mdantsane and any Xhosa woman who thinks this is an exaggeration must clearly just sit down. Xhosa women were made by God when he decided that his painting was done but boring, it needed a little flavour and drama! You can travel the breath of this country and I can guarantee you that no other tribe can bring drama like a Xhosa woman! That one I can stand before St. Peter himself and swear on it! Asthandile therefore was no exception even though I most certainly did not see this one coming. You know when I say I lost energy! This woman when you punched she punched back. She was really the type to poison you the way she was so sneaky. I found myself laughing. This woman honestly was the devils spawn! How did I ever find her really? Does marriage reallly change people that much because this was not the girl I remembered at all.

Most of our property was bought through the joint account meaning that my wife technically owned it too. No its not because I am dumb, when you are married, you genuinely believe that you will be together forever and rightfully so. Why get married planning to divorce. Love is blinding if that’s the word to use. I could not accuse her of theft and win it but in the divorce on the sharing of asserts I could use it in my advantage. Being the whore that she was this was now a matter of no retreat no surrender! I called Zimasa to ask her what happened. She said that she had gone to sleep at Eziles place because Asthandile had told her not to come home. She said that Asthandile had spoken to Eziles father for her to be allowed to stay with them for a bit whilst she sorted out things. I was not at all surprised. She was always going to run back to any man who feeds her. I had to go to the police station though regardless to open a charge. I know I had no case but I would have the proof that she took all the property. Insurance would also want to know as again all this I will be able to use in court when it came to sharing.

At the police station as my luck would have it I found the officer who had driven by the day I was fighting with Asthandile. He recognised me and even laughed when I walked in. How professional! Have you ever wondered how they recruit police officers? It’s like they go and look for the rudest, uncultured people at times because that was uncalled for. I know am generalising but there are so many complaints about how police treat you in station than I care to mention. There therefore is truth in what I am saying.
“Eh chief I see you not chasing each other today!”

He said. That was his opening line. Wow. Lucky me! There is something called professionally people but who am I kidding, this is South Africa.

“I would like to report a crime please!”

I said to him. He looked at me as though he was expecting what I was about to say and said,

“Let me guess, she took everything?”

How the bloody hell did he know that? He could see the shock in my face and went on to say,

“Don’t be alarmed man, we see a lot of that so that day when I didn’t arrest you I knew you would get your ass handed to you! It was not because I was so charitable chief!”

This guy really was a wise ass. I maintained my composure and I laid my charge. He kept on making snide comments throughout but I just wanted to get out of there and go somewhere where I could rest. I had already travelled from Jhb to Cape Town hence I really did not need this.

I had no one to call. I could neither call Dalu nor Khanyi. That’s how alone my world had fast become. I booked into a bed and breakfast. In the morning I will see what to do. I was not going to call Asthandile. That’s what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to beg. No chance in hell that was going to happen. Maybe I should sell the house whilst am at it! Was that a good idea though? I had no reason why to stay here. I could get myself a flat or something.

It’s funny how life goes at times. Around midnight, in the uncomfortable bed of my BnB I got a call. I intended to ignore it but because I had not put my phone on silent when I slept I had to pick it up.

“Am I talking to Mr. Sibani?”

A white ladies voice said so formally. I remember thinking to myself “what now” but I replied in the affirmative.

“This is Grooteschur Hospital your wife has been hurt rather badly we would like you to come in!”

I almost said it’s none of my business but it sounded serious. I said I would come! What had she done to herself this time? Really? This was getting old. I took my time getting ready because she probably had inflicted this on herself. That woman was plain stupid and I don’t say that lightly. As a man you are told you can’t say such about a woman as it’s abusive but what happens if it’s true as in this case? When is it abusive? A whore whether male or female is still a whore because that’s how you describe a person with multiple partners unless you are the president of course, then that’s polygamy!

When I got to the hospital I asked around where to go. I was directed to the burn unit! Burn Unit? Did she pour paraffin on herself or something? I won’t lie I was now genuinely scared now until I saw him, her former boss was sitting outside her room. Even from here I could see he had a bandage around his hand. I walked towards him and he stood up. He looked not sure what to do.

“She is in surgery right now they had to do something to her?”

Why was this thing talking to me? If we were not in a hospital I would have beaten him up again. I was getting used to this fighting business but I had to ask him what happen.

“She came to give Zimasa money as she was going to the Eastern Cape. When I was talking to her…”

He hesitated,

“My wife, my pregnant wife…”

I knew she was pregnant already why was he emphasising it,

“She came out of nowhere Mxolisi and she threw drain acid at us. She caught me on the hand but it caught Asthandile on the face and neck!”

My jaw just dropped!

I bet you didn’t see that one coming!

******The End******

@diaryofazulugal
Mikeatdiary
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Mike@diaryofazulugirl.co.za

Dear Mike

Thank you bhuti for your diaries they are teaching me a lot.

I met my husband when I was doing my first year 10 years ago and we got married three years back. He sold his car to pay for lobola (not the whole amount just to ask my parents not to look for me “ukucela intombi”). We already had two children at that time. He is now 33 and I am 29.

Problems started immediately after we got married, I discovered that he was in debt he had loans and credit cards that were in arrears with every bank. I was working so I didn’t mind helping him out while he was sorting his debt. I paid for groceries, I paid for clothing accounts, I paid the crèche I didn’t mind as I knew that once he got out of debt he will help. I got us a car and paid instalments and insurance for this car. Don’t get me wrong I was not earning more than him we earned the same amount.

I come from a very poor family, I am the only graduate at home so I need to help at home with my nephews and nieces school things. My husband doesn’t like this he says I am working for my family and I don’t care about us and our own family REALLY! He comes from a middle class family both parents working and all his siblings are graduates.

He does not allow me to drive the car that I am paying for he says something might happen even though he drives it drunk but if I want to drive it its a no. I stopped paying for this car and he had to take over and pay for it himself.

We were renting a 1 room flat in a back yard in a nice suburb but I got tired of this so I bought a 2 bedroom house in a township: my husband and his family did not like it at all, It was like I was going to get their son killed in a township. I wanted a house for my children to grow up in.

Now three years down the line he is still paying the debt that he had before we got married, I am still responsible for paying most things in the house including the house loan. I am not coping as I also need a car of my own seeing that I am not allowed to drive the one that is on my name ie showing on my credit record.

I AM SO TIRED I NEED HELP PLEASE.

All my husband does is accuse me of cheating, he brings friends to the house and say I sleep with them, he even asks me to take a picture of myself just to confirm that I am were I say I am. there is no trust whatsoever in this marriage. After everything that I am doing for us he treats me like a slat. He goes drinking with his friends and comes home swearing at me and accusing me of cheating especially if I refuse to have sex with him.

I want out of this SITUATION I am not happy at all, he never buys me anything not even on my birthday.

MAYBE I EXPECT TOO MUCH IN A MARRIAGE, I GREW UP WITH A
SINGLE MOTHER SO I DONT KNOW HOW THINGS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE.
Are woman not supposed to be happy and enjoy their hard earned money? are we suppose to be treated like sluts and put down every time?

Is my husband doing all this because he is frustrated that he is in debt? does this man really loves me?

Hurt

84 thoughts on “Memoirs – One Hundred and Thirty Six

  1. Wow!!!! im in the top 5!!! Thank you Mike. Astha…. gone are the BEAUTIFUL proud days… ugly and scars… face and neck!!!

  2. Dear Hurt

    I’m sorry to tell you. You’re married to a useless dog… he doesn’t deserve to be called a man. Run lady run.

  3. Thank u Mike and Team….. Yhoo Asthandile bakhona abafana nawe apha phandle. Oophuma silwe njengawe, uzakubayintoni ngoku ngaphandle kobuso bakho which is ur meal ticket to the good life u so desire…. hmmmmmmm iyatshotshozela le sislonda.

    QnA, Sisi yintlungu le yakho but u dont mention ukuba benisenza njani for the past 7 years u were dating, how was his behaviour towards u and how responsible he was financially with the kids because you would have gotten the signs from there ( the RED FLAGS) as to likakade lakhe eli or unesimilo.
    I believe u cant babysit him forever and u need to do what is best for u and ur kid’s future. It is up to him wheather he wants to pull up his socks and come to the party or ship out.
    He is abusing u emotionally, verbally and psychologically where u will end up with no self esteem and depressed. Think about ur kids and u and what’s best for them.
    Gudluck mntase..

  4. Asthandile got her karma, now it’s time for Mxolisi should just go tell his parents and inlaws what happened before his ratchet ass wife pin it against him. He needs to let that woman go coz all she brings is misfortunes.

    A to Q
    Dear Hurt, a hard working woman DESERVES a loving, respectful and family orientated man as a husband not a manipulative, abusive disrespectful loser! Your husband is taking you for a ride, honey you need need to hop out of that bus, he cares for nobody but himself and his family aint no better. Your kids deserve to be raised in a HEALTHY home with to loving kids, divorce that man coz you are better off without him, for aslong as you are tied to him you won’t build anything in that marriage btw how sure are you that he is busy settling his debt? have you seen the remaining debt and compared it to the previous 3 years and actually noticed the difference? Im sorry but your marriage is very toxic, you need to value yourself enough to walk away from someone that is destroying you instead of building/lifting you up.

  5. A2Q

    10 years later he is still an ass!!! Divorce ausi… you deserve to be treated like a queen, you are not a slave, you work hard for your money you should enjoy it. one would think because you been the breadwinner for years he would
    appriciate you, shame on him. kick him out, change the locks, take back your car and go file for divorce let him go back to his proud family.

  6. Lols… Payback time… Asthandile o gahlane le thaka tsa gagwe stru…

    Sister Hurt… Le wena mara??? In Africa a man must take care of his family not the other way round. You fix ur finances b4 committing in2 da life of marriage… The only way out is via divorce sis… U will start from scratch yes but u r still young and u will be alryt in 5years. NB: helping a prsn out of debt will drag u in more debts…

  7. Hurt, i’m sorry to say this but ukuqhela kakubi lo tata shame, he didn’t marry you because he wanted a partner, he simply wanted someone to look after him, I would have called the tracking company and told them my car is missing rha!! yindoda ibitheni yona le?
    NOW FOR MY 2 CENTS WORTH:
    I hope yall entered into an Antenuptial Contract before ya’ll got married, if not you’re as much in debt as he is…you have to be tactful of how you get rid of him…save and I hope you have savings accounts in your kids names and a savings account that you opened before you got married. good luck

  8. Thnx mike for a great read!!!yoh asthandile bethuna okwe acid dts permanent damage.yoh wouldn’t wish it on my enemy.QnA girl ur husband wnt change hez those guyz dnt appreciate a faithfull,hardworking women.who are so bitter dt dy are nt men enough to take care of der familys.hez gnna kill u cc betta to think abwt ur kids,coz wt hez doing to u dy are witnessing and its gnna damage them if u stay longer.I know its a hard decision to make but just pray abwt it and make a decision abwt ur life.it betta to be slaving away for sum1 who appreciates ur slaving dn a dog who shoots u down.I’ll keep u in my prayerz cc b strong

  9. Thank you bhuti and team.
    Eish mara this stigma about Xhosa women and drama! am Xhosa but am no drama queen.
    Q&A it is always advisable to know the financial status of the person you desire to spend the rest of your life with which am guessing you di not. You mentioned that you found out after you got married that he has all this debt but you do not say what you did about it – my guess is you let him handle it himself. That was your big mistake – you should have sat down, spoken about how his debt will be paid and by whom, you should have also consulted a financial advisor (all banks have them) for advice on how to pay and for how long. Sounds like you still do not know his financial status. My 2c worth would be for you to sit him down and tell him how you feel (when he is not intoxicated off course) and ask him about his financial status – he might be angry and insult you but you must stand your ground and tell him straight that if he does not sort himself and his debt out pretty soon he is gonna find himself on the streets or at his mom’s backyard room and mean it.
    You and your children deserve better and if he continues like this your kids’ future is at stake.
    Good luck

  10. Ya Mike, I didn’t see this coming. These memoirs are really moving one gear top from another. I wonder how much of her “beauty” she will retain after this ordeal. On the other hand, will Mxo continue with the divorce proceedings? Oh, that is also evidence against her that she was cheating. Keep up the good work.

    QnA
    I think his behavior is caused by a debt stress and failure to launch. Having studied so much and working for so long but failing to get a house in a suburb. I know you dont want the Get Out option so we can talk of alternative of staying with it. Firstly you have trained him that his money is for drinking and paying his loans (which he goes and withdraw from them again); while yours is for taking care of the family.So UNTRAIN HIM.

    So have a meeting with him on a Tuesday evening (he is not that tired nor that drunk) and discuss the following matters:
    1. His plan on settling debts and avoiding to withdraw from them. With specific amounts and timelines.
    2. His plan with his cash once the debts have been paid.
    3. Current survival mode while the debts are still being paid.
    4. His idea of how much should you take to your siblings considering that families are not the same. Including the exit plan, when will it stop! (Start thinking about it as well as you cant support them forever). Insist that when avoiding to educate them, then you are bring a problem into the future.
    5. His plans on settling the outstanding lobola
    6. Get all his debts, put yours down as well, and see if you are both aware of what you are dealing with. You can get your debt report on credit bureau or go for credithealth.com and you will be shocked on all the debts you guys have.

    Most importantly, dont be on an attacking mode as you will loose that fight since he will be defensive.

    Share with him your need to have a car and drive it. Though you are not perfect but you need to drive the car.

    Lastly, someone once said when you get married in community of property and one partner is blacklisted, then you both get blacklisted. Please research that if it is true.

  11. Astha shame_Karma is bitch

    Q_A_My mom was in a similar situation (except the cheating part) she did everything for us while he ran debts(ended up divorcing his ass). but now it sounds more like my current relationship where he initially layed his hand on me and we have 2 kids. I left and got a protection order and a family meeting but we not married but together for 5 yeras and meet while i was in high school

    Now he is magically cleaned himself up and actually getting rid of his debt and finding his way (he claimed that it was stress,money etc that made him like that). If he cant appriciate the things you do and respect you. And clearly his money goes to drinking… if need be call a family meeting before something worse happens. you not happy, do something about it fast because he is too comfortable from how i see it. and because you married he thinks you will not walk out.

    My mom almost had health complications because she was the sole provider and would swear at her apart from cheating.

    So love you deservee to be treated like a qUEEN. eVERY WOMAN DOES… THAT MAN NEEDS A SLAP IN THE FACE. you are one of 100 woman who are in the same situation. men who dont appriciate and dont partake in the roles as fathers and husbands. Men are supposed to be providers not the other way round. i belive my money should be for shopping and entertainment for the family reallly… but Shelter, food, transport? he needs to men up fast….you know what they say people only appriciate once they have lost something… they cant see a dimond standing right before them..

    Do what is best for you and your kids and dont sell yourself short… GOOD LUCK. you are INDEPENTDENT alreay.

    ADVISE : TAkE AWAY EVERYTHING (INCLUDING YOURSELF) SEE HOW FAST HE WILL APPRECIATE THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE>

  12. Kunomvuzo for every evil. One can do evil for so long but when the time for payment comes, there is no escaping it. Thanx guys for a great read.
    QnA – Marriage is not a walk in the park. It is one of the sacred thing that the devil fights most as his main agenda is to destroy. Also come to think of it, we cannot give the devil all the credit for our choices. As women we tend to make excuses for men as we get so blinded by so called love. We sacrifice so much to fit in, to belong and to be acknowledged. The truth is we turn a blind eye to the bad signs all in the name of love and wanting to get married. when you date someone for a while, you are able to notice certain things in his character, attitude and behavior. And when we get into marriage we start complaining yet we wud have ignored those things coz of wanting the title of Mrs. Now that one is in marriage and that you chose to ignore all those things, do u honestly think it will change now that you are Mrs. Its time women start loving themselves more and stop settling for less. What happened to putting God first before we do anything. A lot of marriages are suffering because we want to do things our way. God’s ways are not our ways. And a relationship with two people fearing God will not give strife. God is a God of love and peace and his will is for us to enjoy our marriages, our families and lives in general. Jesus already suffered for us on the cross therefore when you find that there is no peace in your home, you need to reflect and check yourself. Its never too late to go back to God and ask for direction and guidance. i wish i could tell you to walk out and leave him but that would be deceiving you. Marriage is sacred. There is nothing too hard for God. Cast all your burdens unto him for he cares for you. Whatever is wrong can be corrected. God is just and faithful. I have seen him doing wonders and transforming peoples’s lives and marriages. and i will to assure you that your case is not any different my sister. Start waging war in prayer and fight for your marriage. God will amaze you.

  13. Dear Hurt lady

    Your husband is a sponger. By now his debt should’ve been paid off. He is abusing you financially, emotionally and psychologically. He probably gives his money to girlfriends and sugerbabies and you are financing that but assuming his responsibilities in the marriage.
    Divorce is not easy unlike isjolo you can’t just pack and leave. You must decide whether you want to leave him r set things straight. Either way, you must have a plan of action.
    If you want to leave him, file for divorce now. Get a good lawyer. Are you married in COP? You must make sure that he doesn’t get a penny out of you when u divorce.

    Here’s a 6 month plan.

    1. The house is in your name right?, sell it and move into a rental. Use that money to settle all your personal debts. Pay off and close all accounts and credit cards.
    2. Transfer the car to his name. He is paying for it anyway.
    3 Open a bank account for your child(banks will advise you on appropriate savings and investment types) and put your savings in it. Every month save at least 20% of your salary in it.
    4. If he moves with you to the rental, he must pay rent.
    5. Don’t buy groceries. Don’t pay for anything in the household. Don’t even buy bread. He must do it.
    6. Make sure the only asset you have is your salary.
    7. Divorce him and take him to the cleaners! Every penny he has

    1. Hello Chezz
      I like your divorce plan. Remember that there is no western marriage but a “lobola deposit” so no divorce. Assuming that there is a case for divorce, it will mean she also inherit half of his debts.

      Just saying.

  14. A 2 Q, My sister ur story its so touching, u are living like a single woman while u r married. Divorce him, u will be fine without him bcauz all he does is bringing debt & stress to ur life. U will end up killing urself bcauz of this problems, think abt urself, ur happiness & ur kids. U deserve better than this, go to counselling first before u take the big step to leave him.

  15. This was one helluva chapter, Thanks Mikeesto.. My gawd karma is indeed the mother of all b*tches.

    QNA I’m sure the ladies will have you covered as far as advice goes today. This so called middle class family that couldn’t even pay full their lobola obligation, only to complain about ukuhlala ekasi, compared to RENTING a back 1room at the burbs…. WTF!!!

    Jackzorro

  16. Wow Asthandile got what she deserves as for you my sister you mentioned that your man sold his car to pay lobola so that was something you should have been worried about

  17. Aowiiii Asthandile is getting what her acid burnt face deserved. I am not sorry for her, i hope it covered all her face and head so that she goes bald too!
    QnA. Dating someone for atleast a year will show you what kinda animal you are dealing with. i mean for the past 7 years before you guys got married- did he take full responsibilities for you and the kids? if No then dont complain coz u knew from then what kind of a man he really is. And as for u helping him pay his debts while he is so useless it makes him think you are so desperate to be with him and you will do whatever it takes to be with him. Sister, please teach him a lesson and stop doing all the things u used to do, yes pay for ur kids school fees and spoil them rotten leave that bustard out and register the car in his name. sesi how do u pay for a car u are not even allowed to touch? WAKE UP LADIES WAKE UP!

  18. Ag shame, poor Asthandile! How will you get your next meal ticket?lol…
    Eish! Today’s letter is just sad, but surely you must have seen the red flags in the beginning n if you didn’t you have persevered far too long. You bought a car yet u not even allowed to drive it? Are u for real?o.O you are too quiet n kind shem hence y his taking advantage of you. You need to put your foot down before he starts controlling how to spend your salary. I’ve noticed that he’s controlling n selfish. He’d rather have you paying for his debts than helping your family out. He should be ashamed of him self,as man are providers n not parasite. He will suck u until u dry,anyway debts that lasted 4 a decade yet he doesn’t have a car or house,what was he doing with all that money? Its about time you let go, your man doesn’t appreciate n he needs to grow.

  19. sure didn’t see this one coming Mike and the Team, your naturally gifted. cant say im not happy about it though, Asithandile deserve everything that’s coming to her.
    QnA sisi I really understand how you are feeling, a woman deserve a man who would spoil her every chance he gets, you cant be providing for him then he treats you like dirt. sisi leave this man before you get indebt too

  20. A whore whether male or female is still a whore because that’s how you describe a person with multiple partners unless you are the president of course, then that’s polygamy! Lmao

    Asthandile got served with permanent damage! Indeed every dog has got its day.

    Thanks Team Mike.

  21. He doesn’t love u,he has issues and he’s kind of bossy and insecured,he need to sort him self up and his drinking habits,or else he will lose you

    You need to drive that car!!! After all its yours,and please don’t stop taking care of your family just bcoz your husband never had to take care of anyone else in his life doesn’t mean he should stop you from providing for your mum n siblings

  22. Maybe I am being a bit DRAMATIC about this Xhosa stereotype thing, but it is getting irritating. ohh what am I saying? I’m Xhosa, so I’m just being myself…I wonder what other couples in Mzantsi fight about??? Mnxm…

  23. Hurt, your story is hurting us too, mina I would say after all the talking that is suggested by the fellow bloggers here, if still there is no change, change locks and kick him out. You do not have to divorce him ngoba that is your decision to make but you can be separated until he to comes to his senses. Angeke ummele ukungabi happy under your roof. It would have been bad enough if he was being irresponsible but insulting you is my main problem. You do not deserve that. Lesislima asiboni sibusiswe with such a good woman who is progressive in so many ways.

    Yes if you married in community, you in trouble because it will be hard to do anything without him consenting. Pray and ask God to show you the way but make sure that you protect your children and yourself in the process. You deserve the best you such a beautiful intelligent woman with a beautiful soul and you so young.

    I was listening to a radio station in the morning that female birds do not trust a male bird which is unable to get its own food and they run away from that bird. I hope we as women can learn from the birds.

  24. Q_A. tell that man that he needs to start paying starting end of this month. Give a 2day grace period. If he doesn’t pay half the bond monthly payments, change all the locks to YOUR house. And then collect your car. Don’t even pay him back for the payments he has made on it.
    Ukujwayela kabi!

  25. ”A whore whether male or female is still a whore because that’s how you
    describe a person with multiple
    partners unless you are the
    president of course, then that’s
    polygamy” Lmfao hai wa bua Mike…
    Q&A Good luck on whatever decision you going to make

  26. Wow, that was long overdue!!!! Asthandile has been getting her way for far too long! Now I see why Mxo won’t divorce her, they’ll get back and stay together but she’ll be reminded of her actions for the rest of her life. Reminds me of ‘The Suit’.
    A to Q: am lost for words regarding todays’ letter. I don’t like advising ppl to get divorced, but this is a $hity marriage!

  27. QnA First and foremost i must say this you are such a good woman from what i am hearing. Yes marriage is about compromising the things you like for the sake of making things work but at the same time the burden of your household must be shared. You need to sit down with this man of yours. these loans hes still paying for three years later how much could they possibly e? is he actually paying for them or hes busy spending his money with his buddies. yes you are married but dont allow him to step all over you like you are nothing. You did good by making him pay for the car. This man has major control issues the signs are all there. its up to you whether you want to fix those problems he has or get out of the marriage. Nothing can not be fixed even if it means you get the elders involved do that. he needs to learn to trust and respect you as his wife. maybe the problem arises when he is intoxicated, maybe he needs to stop drinking perhaps.

  28. People are so heartless, how can u say Asthandile got what she deserved? Mxolisi cheated too, I don’t understand why we give Mxolisi a pass but yet we are ready to crucify Asthandile. I like Asthandile

  29. Asthandile is a very deceitful person but shooo drain Acid i wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy,QnA-Tgirl you go girl,that was mind blowing i loved your advise so much

  30. Asthandile i dont care if your face will be mesh potato or skeerpot ….am worried ngo Mxolisi wam ukuthi your wife hasnt signed the divorce the document, will you still make her sign divorce at this stage.? eish Mxo this girl is jst drama…..

    Q&A: Sisi i dont have anything to advice you with ,i will check other ladies advices.otherwise from experience growing without both parents is not nice.

  31. I would not wish such an act on anyone, even Asithandile although she only has herself to blame, acid pho! Was never ready for this Chapter. Dankie Mike

    Hurt…..Alot has been said. All good advice too. All I can say is NO, he does not love you sisi.

  32. Lool lasha ixhosa madoda yes yes yes yes yes yes#daniel brians voice A2Qsistaz uzogcina udla iklabishi by fost kodwa usebenza.uphuza ngan lowobhuti?uhamba ngan aye etshwaleni?uthi dnt help yo family feeda yena?lendoda phela isiwumfazi wakho ngeke.i am somehow confused kuthi wakucela then nashada or wagcina ngokukcela?b4 kuqhamuke muntu ozothi thandaza hambo dirvosa lomkhuhlane wendoda izoze ikuthelele,this is so not healthy sis wam ngeke phela.ushade nempatha nje I outty e lythile ngeke iyekele I mem layo lingene eynkingen ngenxa yalo n lingenzi nicks ngakho.

  33. kodwa owanini uFriday lolz Astha you just got served izinyembezi zamnyeni aziwelanga phansi uthole abangangaye lolieeeee

    QA sis make him move out separate kancane and cut out all the paying for him take your car in the process maybe he will learn to appriciate the gold that he has afunde ukuba responsible abe indoda not lobanana awuwona

  34. This is my first time commenting and I’ve never felt the need to do so until today!Both today’s insert and QnA yhoo!Anyway Asithandile was served her dish nice and acidic as for you sisi I hope and pray that you got married traditionally because if not, God has to help you nyani you need a break

  35. Hurt Lady

    Let me give my 2cents worth,

    Divorce is not easy sisi so is marriage you have been with this guy for far to long now surely you should have seen some of the signs and you just turned a blind eye and thought he will change but he has not instead he is worse……..if he can pay for the car surely he can pay for his debts too, u were not in the picture when he even made those debts so y make it your own problem in the first place? the nigga is working for heaven sake and he should be taking care of you not the other way round, stop nursing this big boy please…. its time to put your foot down sisi let the men be the man and you the woman……well if he then cant be the man in this marriage and take care of you then you need to consider divorcing his irresponsible ass…Take Chezz 6months plan its a good one….

  36. Asthandile is in for a big time… anyway we all pay for our sins either way!

    Q&A My lady I pray that all this trouble you went through with this man, pay you some day” The advise you being given here are good, use them. All the luck sthandwa!!

  37. Hurt it ovias u hve tried swty,bt somtymz enough is enough it tym u set things straight wth him n maybe tell his family as well if dat doesn’t help dan shiya sisi i knw it hard bt through everything u hve done 4 ru family n stl u are being abused like dis hell no…usamcane kabi ungazodlala umuntu usazodlala ukufa

  38. @ everjoy I grew up with both parents & it was HELL my father bit da hell out of us especially whn he was drunk. But after my mom left him we whr so happy & my mom agained weight. I guess wht am tryin 2 say is dat HURT u can raise ur kids beautifully being a single parent dan with a man dat does not help @ all. Ke monna ka ge a apere borogo. Divorce him & c how happy u wil b afta u healed 4rm da break-up

  39. Yoh I never thought this day would come for Asthandile, sham her Bosses wife really , ke gore she’s been doing the counts when Astha bought Zimasa to stay for a while, Mike I gotto give you a hand ey you are really a talented man.
    QnA the ladies have said it all , tell ur man to start providing or else show him the door n yes do take ur car until he takes full responsibility coz from what iv heard its not like he can’t take care of some of the things , aker u said he’s now paying for the car? So take ur car n continue with the payments n stop wanting to buy another car or did u buy him ur current car? Le wena stop being sdididi sisi how can u struggle when u have a car or are you trying to make him stay with ur car cos seriously it seems like u buying his love! U allowed him to marry you coz u were hungry for marriage without considering what was at stake? It was because of peer presure that u allowed the marriage to happen , guys marriage is not for everyone I feel u rushed into marriage only coz u felt uv dated for too long n u needed some kind of commitment but look where it got you ? So I say step back n let ur hubby take care of his family because he has the means to and if he can’t show him the door.

  40. Q&A…i like to listen to the law report on kaya.fm…if he has only paid half lobola and u were not officially handed over by ur family then legally u are not recognised as married. Unless u did a costly mistake of actually going to sign b4 he finished paying lobola.
    Its a lesson to hard working women out there,amadoda azokudla phezulu nangaphansi if u are not careful with finances.

  41. Yeah, Asthandile is finally getting what she deserves, yooh! Stay out of it Mxo, God is finally answering ur prayers. This woman has been a pain in your neck for a long time. Thanx Mike

  42. Q&A Lets not solve or advice a person with the same thinking that created those problems and if you were hurt by your partner don’t try to solve those problems buy giving immoral advice. it’s clear most of the Q&A commenters are either single or angry in a dying relationship.

    And for the Lady, You’ve asked four questions that you already know the answers too. and I’m sure you know how to end your relationship or make it work.

  43. what a nice chapter Mike. Im sorry to say this but Asthandile deserved what she got!!
    Q&A Sisi,thetha nomyeni wakho,give him an ultimatium. start by applying for a Protection order so he can stop swearing at you. Then explain to him that if he continues treating you the way he is,you are gonna divorcehim. and if he really doesn’t change,then sisi divorce him. you deserve to be happy.Marriage is not supposed to feel like hell.yes things can be challenging in a marriage at times,but love should be the most important factor. your man must show love and appreciation and heh must step up and take the role of provider for you and the kids. its so hard being submissive to a man who doesn’t hold his position right

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