The problem with this country is that when ever you bring out the issue of stereotypes no wants to look at the facts. I read somewhere that Xhosa women always feel victimized when it comes to being accused of going ratchet on men. I am from Mdantsane and any Xhosa woman who thinks this is an exaggeration must clearly just sit down. Xhosa women were made by God when he decided that his painting was done but boring, it needed a little flavour and drama! You can travel the breath of this country and I can guarantee you that no other tribe can bring drama like a Xhosa woman! That one I can stand before St. Peter himself and swear on it! Asthandile therefore was no exception even though I most certainly did not see this one coming. You know when I say I lost energy! This woman when you punched she punched back. She was really the type to poison you the way she was so sneaky. I found myself laughing. This woman honestly was the devils spawn! How did I ever find her really? Does marriage reallly change people that much because this was not the girl I remembered at all.
Most of our property was bought through the joint account meaning that my wife technically owned it too. No its not because I am dumb, when you are married, you genuinely believe that you will be together forever and rightfully so. Why get married planning to divorce. Love is blinding if that’s the word to use. I could not accuse her of theft and win it but in the divorce on the sharing of asserts I could use it in my advantage. Being the whore that she was this was now a matter of no retreat no surrender! I called Zimasa to ask her what happened. She said that she had gone to sleep at Eziles place because Asthandile had told her not to come home. She said that Asthandile had spoken to Eziles father for her to be allowed to stay with them for a bit whilst she sorted out things. I was not at all surprised. She was always going to run back to any man who feeds her. I had to go to the police station though regardless to open a charge. I know I had no case but I would have the proof that she took all the property. Insurance would also want to know as again all this I will be able to use in court when it came to sharing.
At the police station as my luck would have it I found the officer who had driven by the day I was fighting with Asthandile. He recognised me and even laughed when I walked in. How professional! Have you ever wondered how they recruit police officers? It’s like they go and look for the rudest, uncultured people at times because that was uncalled for. I know am generalising but there are so many complaints about how police treat you in station than I care to mention. There therefore is truth in what I am saying.
“Eh chief I see you not chasing each other today!”
He said. That was his opening line. Wow. Lucky me! There is something called professionally people but who am I kidding, this is South Africa.
“I would like to report a crime please!”
I said to him. He looked at me as though he was expecting what I was about to say and said,
“Let me guess, she took everything?”
How the bloody hell did he know that? He could see the shock in my face and went on to say,
“Don’t be alarmed man, we see a lot of that so that day when I didn’t arrest you I knew you would get your ass handed to you! It was not because I was so charitable chief!”
This guy really was a wise ass. I maintained my composure and I laid my charge. He kept on making snide comments throughout but I just wanted to get out of there and go somewhere where I could rest. I had already travelled from Jhb to Cape Town hence I really did not need this.
I had no one to call. I could neither call Dalu nor Khanyi. That’s how alone my world had fast become. I booked into a bed and breakfast. In the morning I will see what to do. I was not going to call Asthandile. That’s what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to beg. No chance in hell that was going to happen. Maybe I should sell the house whilst am at it! Was that a good idea though? I had no reason why to stay here. I could get myself a flat or something.
It’s funny how life goes at times. Around midnight, in the uncomfortable bed of my BnB I got a call. I intended to ignore it but because I had not put my phone on silent when I slept I had to pick it up.
“Am I talking to Mr. Sibani?”
A white ladies voice said so formally. I remember thinking to myself “what now” but I replied in the affirmative.
“This is Grooteschur Hospital your wife has been hurt rather badly we would like you to come in!”
I almost said it’s none of my business but it sounded serious. I said I would come! What had she done to herself this time? Really? This was getting old. I took my time getting ready because she probably had inflicted this on herself. That woman was plain stupid and I don’t say that lightly. As a man you are told you can’t say such about a woman as it’s abusive but what happens if it’s true as in this case? When is it abusive? A whore whether male or female is still a whore because that’s how you describe a person with multiple partners unless you are the president of course, then that’s polygamy!
When I got to the hospital I asked around where to go. I was directed to the burn unit! Burn Unit? Did she pour paraffin on herself or something? I won’t lie I was now genuinely scared now until I saw him, her former boss was sitting outside her room. Even from here I could see he had a bandage around his hand. I walked towards him and he stood up. He looked not sure what to do.
“She is in surgery right now they had to do something to her?”
Why was this thing talking to me? If we were not in a hospital I would have beaten him up again. I was getting used to this fighting business but I had to ask him what happen.
“She came to give Zimasa money as she was going to the Eastern Cape. When I was talking to her…”
“My wife, my pregnant wife…”
I knew she was pregnant already why was he emphasising it,
“She came out of nowhere Mxolisi and she threw drain acid at us. She caught me on the hand but it caught Asthandile on the face and neck!”
My jaw just dropped!
I bet you didn’t see that one coming!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank you bhuti for your diaries they are teaching me a lot.
I met my husband when I was doing my first year 10 years ago and we got married three years back. He sold his car to pay for lobola (not the whole amount just to ask my parents not to look for me “ukucela intombi”). We already had two children at that time. He is now 33 and I am 29.
Problems started immediately after we got married, I discovered that he was in debt he had loans and credit cards that were in arrears with every bank. I was working so I didn’t mind helping him out while he was sorting his debt. I paid for groceries, I paid for clothing accounts, I paid the crèche I didn’t mind as I knew that once he got out of debt he will help. I got us a car and paid instalments and insurance for this car. Don’t get me wrong I was not earning more than him we earned the same amount.
I come from a very poor family, I am the only graduate at home so I need to help at home with my nephews and nieces school things. My husband doesn’t like this he says I am working for my family and I don’t care about us and our own family REALLY! He comes from a middle class family both parents working and all his siblings are graduates.
He does not allow me to drive the car that I am paying for he says something might happen even though he drives it drunk but if I want to drive it its a no. I stopped paying for this car and he had to take over and pay for it himself.
We were renting a 1 room flat in a back yard in a nice suburb but I got tired of this so I bought a 2 bedroom house in a township: my husband and his family did not like it at all, It was like I was going to get their son killed in a township. I wanted a house for my children to grow up in.
Now three years down the line he is still paying the debt that he had before we got married, I am still responsible for paying most things in the house including the house loan. I am not coping as I also need a car of my own seeing that I am not allowed to drive the one that is on my name ie showing on my credit record.
I AM SO TIRED I NEED HELP PLEASE.
All my husband does is accuse me of cheating, he brings friends to the house and say I sleep with them, he even asks me to take a picture of myself just to confirm that I am were I say I am. there is no trust whatsoever in this marriage. After everything that I am doing for us he treats me like a slat. He goes drinking with his friends and comes home swearing at me and accusing me of cheating especially if I refuse to have sex with him.
I want out of this SITUATION I am not happy at all, he never buys me anything not even on my birthday.
MAYBE I EXPECT TOO MUCH IN A MARRIAGE, I GREW UP WITH A
SINGLE MOTHER SO I DONT KNOW HOW THINGS ARE SUPPOSE TO BE.
Are woman not supposed to be happy and enjoy their hard earned money? are we suppose to be treated like sluts and put down every time?
Is my husband doing all this because he is frustrated that he is in debt? does this man really loves me?