Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

A lot of women know that their men are cheating but because they have never actually caught him in the act, it is hard for them to just walk away. When you are married this feeling is worse because you are trapped by so much and it will take one hell of a push for you to actually get a divorce. Seeing your wife or husband having sex with someone else is like that someone taking a hot knife and piercing your heart with it. It is more than a betrayal as it actually hurts as though it is an open wound. That is how I felt. That moment you walk in and find someone on top of her. Now I understand why they are so many cases of murder after one partner has been caught in bed with another person. I thought I was going to go mad really. It’s hard to come down from such heights of anger in seconds, it really is. I could feel my breathing eventually start to get lower and lower but it was still higher than normal. I hated this woman! To think I had thought of protecting her from the fire incident. To hell with her, she was dead to me! I know I was not overreacting because much as I had started the divorce proceedings, the papers were not even completely drawn up…or where they? This was a new man mind you, in her bed that is, which begs the question, how many men exactly was she sleeping with when we were married? I would not be surprised if it was more than the one I already knew! She had said she was pregnant, she was possibly HIV and yet here we were! She was dead to me and I meant that! Zimasa had to get a transfer and I was selling this house! It was not an overreaction I really wanted to leave Cape Town as far away from this memory as possible. Imagine walking into your wife, in your bed and catching another man in the process of fucking her like a dog. It’s called doggystyle because when you sit down and are honest it’s degrading and exactly how dogs do it! They did not name it that because they thought it was so sexy, they named it that because the image it portrayed was filthy! I called the lawyer I had seen, the one who Yolanda worked for and he said that the papers were actually complete and could be served that week. I asked him to make sure that happens. He asked me where they should be delivered to and I realised that because I had chased her out that could prove tricky. I am sure he will make a plan though. I needed peace and this was it.

I told Zimasa to pack all of Asthandile’s stuff. She was pretty stunned to be fair when I said that. I didn’t smile.

“Are things really that bad where now you are moving her out?”

The kid asked me but very cautiously,

“I know she is a bit of a whore for what she did but surely there is a way back. You slept with us and nothing happened to you? She deserves to be punished because she got caught but that does not make it right!”

She continued. I am not sure if she was saying that I should dump her or what. I was quite stunned by her reaction as a woman. I am the one who had left the house, I am the one who had moved in with another woman and I am the one who like her had cheated on her making another woman pregnant yet she was adamant that the bitch or whore in this situation was Asthandile! Do women even know when to stand up for each other? I am certain if Dalu was to hear this he would tell me that by starting divorce proceedings against her I had made the first official move into breaking up with her. It was not my fault though, women are known to judge it’s other more harshly so why should I care. The bitch was out that’s all I wanted.

“Just do what I say!”

I said calmly. I went and lay down on the couch but I felt compelled to do something to make sure that there was no turning back. I called her father. I told him exactly what had happened and that his child was out of my house for good. He always acted as though his daughter was made of gold but for the first time I think after the disappointment of her marrying me, she broke his heart when he realised how cheap she was. I don’t think he meant to say it but he responded by saying,

“Eish, how are we going to finish the wall at her grandmothers house if you leave her!”

I hung up!

People don’t usually don’t get it, their parents can be gold diggers too! I was not too perturbed about the father though because I knew that they were like that. Note how he did not even ask about Zimasa. Around 10pm I got a call from Bulelwa. I had not spoken to her in a very long time but I was quick to do the maths, she was with Asthandile.

“Is it ok if we meet tomorrow?”

She asked me on the phone. She sounded sombre. I told her that If it was about Asthandile then no I was not interested because that door was closed now. The divorce was happening and it was final. She said she understood that much but still we needed to be civil and discuss before we make a mistake this monumental. I could hear Asthandile in the background crying.

“Ask her why she burnt down Khanyi’s house with me inside it?”

I said angrily.

“She did what?

Bulelwa asked in shock!

“Oh so your friend did not tell you that she burnt down her other friends home? That is just great. Now you can sleep with one eye open!”

I said to her. I heard her say,

“How could burn down Khanyi’s house? Get out of my…”

The phone hung up as she was screaming. I wonder what was going to happen next… no I lie! Fuck her..

****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike

I got married three months ago, white wedding and all. We are so happy and my husband is perfect or rather was perfect. The night before our wedding my fiance at the time had his bachelor party. Obviously I know better than not to ask questions. Last week we had a braai at our place and one of his friends who was there passed out drunk. I wanted pics from his phone as he had taken a lot of the braai and I had his permission. Buried deep in the pictures I found a video of three of the guys there, my man included getting blowjobs at the bachelor party. I then searched for conversations between my husband and him of which they discussed “how thick the girl he fucked was” meaning my husband. It was so humiliating. Imagine you husband being in sextape! I want a divorce because those girls were clearly prostitutes and he risked my life as we were trying for a baby soon after marriage. Am I overreacting?

Thank You


80 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty

  1. First to comment! As for Qn A I don’t know. I will wait for Jackzorro to comment. Don’t really know how guys function

  2. Tjo Asthandile is a drama queen, crying in the background where Mxolisi could hear. Bulelwa neh?! Its obvious she doesn’t know the whole story and where is Khanyi in all this drama?!
    QnA: Lady I don’t know what to say. Ask your husband, if he used protection, because you seem to be more worried about STIs. While you are on it go for tests with him,it happened 3 months ago, so the window period has lapsed. But your husband how can he make such a stupid mistake on the eve of your wedding?! Let’s give him the benefit of a doubt, that it was indeed the biggest mistake of his life, that he would want to erase from his memories.

  3. Great read Thanks Mike.

    Lati dear, I always have a saying that if you going looking for trouble you normally find it. The pics you wanted would’ve been in the beginning of that man’s phone why did you go further. Yes your man may not be faithful because that’s not really what a bachelor party is about but if you love and trust him do it fully. Or leave him let another woman do that then.

  4. 3 months now a divorce.. I really dnt know how to advice u as im unmarried myself. @ Bachelor parties eish thingz happen, ur hub was sayin farewell to singleville n who knows, probably bn faithful n loyal to u ol dese 3 months. If twas a prostitute he must hv used protection .. talk to him about this, its just 3 months url are supposed to be stil in honeymoon phase not filling divorces. . Go for marriage therapy wat wat goodluck sisi..oh, aswell as blood tests . U nid to know wher u stand for urz n ur bbys sake.

  5. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome start to the week, brand new month. I gotta say,Mxo is exaggerating on the doggystyle part lol. Aint nothing like a doggy man, nothing compares.

    Lati, Firstly congratulations on getting married. Hmmm! where does one start!!

    Ok so you know bachelor parties are freaky right, anything can happen. Its like initiation, one last time before a lifetime commitment. Some get a lap dance and that’s it, in another cases it goes all the way. I’m with your husband on this, but him keeping the tape is rather stupid. I mean it was over 3months ago, he was in it, he shouldve deleted that sh*t.

    You should confront him and talk about it, get tested for sti’s and all that, but I don’t think he would be that careless to not use protection. Ngaphakathi I’m smiling coz the dude is freaky, but I’m annoyed at how careless he was and now has messed up this infant marriage.

    Another thing is, atleast it was a hooker, its a once off. Its not like he called up an ex for one last shag. I don’t know how you taking it or how deep its hurting you. All I ask is that you detach your emotions and consider if your girls organised a male stripper, and ya’ll where drunk, and he pulled out his candystick and ya’ll started sucking, wouldn’t you have considered that harmless fun? What he doesn’t know won’t hurt right?

    My policy sticks, No touching the other’s phone, married or not. Phones are the root of all break ups in this modern age. 3months divorcees? That’s a catastrophic fail sisi and people will consider you a fool also. I’m sure some old people told you that you have to fight for your marriage. That through thick and thick thingy, practice it.. He has forsaken all others, he did it before the vows and all. Just something to consider. But he messed up, punish him, but don’t throw away your marriage, the waste bathong!!
    Sorry for the essay, I just don’t know how to defend this guy and help you get better,its conflicting.


  6. Dear Lati.

    That is the worst sort of betrayal. I am sure u will never trust him again. Wow! Cheating while u are engaged is the same as cheating during the marriage! A ring doesn’t make it worse or better. I would not only divorce the scum but tie him up beat the hell out of him and let him run thru the street naked like the dog he is. Broadcast that sextape!!! Cheaters are cruel and deserve to be stoned to death. Everybody after him has to deal with ur trust issues. The trust and innosense he destroyed! Make him pay! Slp with his friend or brother just after da divorce and make sure he catches u!

    1. “Me” I agree with Barbie you need anger classes. Haibo marriage is different from relationships. People cheat, yes that sounds foolish but it is true. Will you finish all the men because each was cheating? It was a bachelor’s and we should advice her not tell her to be a slut and sleep with his friends and brothers. Like can we be mature please.

      1. Although i do not agree with the “sleep with his friend” part, i have to disagree with you. So now should the girl stay with someone who she doesn’t trust, who cheated on her with a prostitute, as filthy as they are? You must be kidding me. Its not about finishing all the men in the world, its about finding the 1 who will love you like you the only woman in the world. It is because of this “people cheat” mentalities that women suffer in relationships and marriages. It is because of these stupid mentalities that we get infected with HIV/AIDS. I personally will not stay with somebody who has cheated on me just because i don’t want to finish all the men. And just because its a bachelor’s parties doesn’t give him the right to sleep with someone. Nash, you sound like you are not happy. Like you know your man is cheating and you cant do anything about it. Cheating is about more than just that, it means the person doesn’t love you. If they truly loved you, that love they feel for you should have stopped them. PLEASE LADIES, VALUE YOURSELF. IS THAT THE KIND OF STUFF WE WANT TO TEACH OUR DAUGHTERS AND SISTERS??

    2. seriously barbie is right you are angry sisi and how will Leti doing that make her feel better? and as for broadcasting the tape that is damn right the stupidest thing i have ever read cause now you cause that is also embarrassing on her part

  7. Yhu.. ME you’re such an angry individual O_O..

    Lati, marriage is sacred, so to walk away from it isnt as simple as when you’re just dating. If you werent married id say leave the pig; but its different you have to fight for your marriage. And if after counselling and talking it through you still feel like divorcing him, do it, coz u will have atleast tried to fix things. Dont walk away prematurely. .u may live to regret it. Confront hin and get tested for hiv n sti’s ASAP..

    goodluck lady, its gonna be tough!

  8. Thanks Team.
    A to Q: kahle Nkosazane, there is no need for divorce here. I$h happens in bachelor parties and it should stay there. I’m not condoning what he did but you can confront him about it or just choose to be mature about it and let it slide. Do you really want to end your marriage over a one night stand?

  9. Leti you are definitely overreacting cc, mina personally i would overlook this if my man did it coz i honestly believe it was harmless fun, i’m sure he used protection, don’t throw your marriage away because of this. The chicks were prostitutes so trust me it was a once off thing.

    1. You call having sex with someone else either than his fiance “harmless fun”? Wow!! I am so stunned right now. Is that what you will tell your son?

  10. Q/a lati dear I’m a women too and my advice to you is married is a commitment not to be taken lightly you can’t just run at the first obstacle you face dear . The are challenges in life that we have to deal with them so sit down with your man and sort this out don’t leave now you will regret it

  11. To QnA

    I think you don’t understand the concept of getting married. Its only been 3months and you haven’t exhausted all your options but you’re already talking about divorce. Go for counselling, situated down with your husband and talk to him about this. And you seem to have a problem with the fact that she was a prostitute, would you have preferred a side chick instead? Someone he is emotionally involved with? Ai nawe mara you’re overreacting, which makes me question if you love your husband. Walking away from someone you love ain’t childs play.

  12. QnA punish your man hard,make a mountain out of a hill,be hysterical,make him suffer. It please don’t threaten him with divorce if you not sure of it,but make a fuss about it,threaten him to do it as well,deny him some candy for a while(but nna I don’t like denying that unless if he is angry he does it,so do it as well,I just like my candy stick so mch angry or not can’t dzeal without ), but punish him and wait for genuine apology and forgive him,try to remember your horrible mistakes you made in life in order to forgive his……I have plenty mistakes of my times so forgiveness comes eventually….divorce is not an option at all

  13. Dankie mike…@QnA u better not risk tht marriage 4 sum prostitute tht myb he doesn’t even by name if he’s been faithful to u after ths better keep tht man n get to discuss n I doubt very much he wud risk ur lives wt sum prostitute or let me say A 1 nyt stand BUT only if he’s been faithful 2 u…I understand he’s been careless bcz bachelor parties r not all abt fucking around….keep tht man or else mmmh

  14. Q&A honestly as a woman I think you might be overreacting a ted bit….firstly this happened at his bachelor party, did you take the time to discuss with him limits to be practised at this party? I think you should’ve, we are living in the dark ages, we all know what sort of nonsense takes place at these parties.
    Did you not say you found the video on the friends phone? If you want to be angry I say go for the friend.
    Speak to hubby, let him know you are aware of what went down and you therefore feel the need of certain test….go to marriage counselling or something, before throwing in the towel like that?
    Really its been 3months and you opting for a divorce? Have you no faith what-so-ever in your marriage.

  15. A2Q> Lati you are definitely overeacting. What right do you have to search for conversations in his friend’s phone. this simply means that you also search your husbands phone. you invaded his friend’s privacy because he trusted you with his phone. that is really indecent sisi. at three months you are already going through his friends messages, what will you do at six months, will your cross question his friends directly or you will hire a PI?

    Lati, please just let it go, you might have something good going for you there and you want to destroy it because of the pics and conversation between him and his friend??? think again sisi.

  16. Worse happens at Bachelor parties. Just laugh over it, there were no feelings involved, it was mob psychology. As long as you tedt negative for HIV/STIs just forgive and forget. Never ever touch his phone again. Good luck sisi.

  17. Q & A,

    Hello my Sister, its a pity you might not be aware of this, weird things happens at Bachelor and Bridal parties, espicially bachelor parties, the aim is to get you as the one whos about to get maaried, you must do extremes mainly done by bachelors as you are about to throw the sigles band away, Women would organise a superSexy Male stripper, who would massage you as the bright and allow you to touch all the possible places, but females being females wouldnt go that far unlike men whoi are natuirally notorious, i blame you for not respecting your hasbands friends phone and going deeper in his phone, one thing you can do is approach your husband in the clamist of moods and do tests for safety, but as for divorce him for behaving in such a manner before he was even your Husband, stupid was the friend to keep such picturtes and videos, some memories must be imaginary and not in pictures.

  18. Woooooooo Mike I chapter emnandi so! Dankie bhuti.

    2 evry1: incase no1 has told u 2day…good morning, have a gr8 Monday n nice ass 😉

  19. QnA I hate how ppl justify a guy cheating. Will he forgive u had u slept with a man on our hen party as an initiation as day put it? We obviously CNT tell u wat to do. BT if u willing to bear the infidelities for the rest of u life, then hold on sesi n brace itself.
    Here s another thing. The if u search for trouble u will find it… So u ppl rather sleep in bed with a snake and hope it won’t bite… So if one doesn’t want his or her partner to go through their fine, then stay unmarried. M not saying we should be constantly searching fines and stuff BT nje the y the emphasy on the rule … Any way. Best of luck n hope u find a way around making our marriage work

  20. Q & A
    Ausi, tlogela bo dom hle! Did you just say you want to dump your husband for what he did at the bachelor’s party? My goodness!

    Firstly, it’s not your husband’s fault that a hen’s party wasn’t done for and no male stripper muffed and fucked you.

    Your husband did nothing wrong, he even managed to wake up and go wed you. What if he decided to leave you at the alter cos he was not ready to leave the bachelor life behind?

    Don’t be selfish, you not a saint either. You just lucky wena cos you’ve never got caught. How pics and msgs have you deleted so that your husband must see them?

    A woman who leaves her boyfriend cos he’s cheating is very stupid as for a woman who leaves her man cos he slept with a prostitude at his bachelor’s party, I have no words to describe you.

    Just punish him for catching him and after that, don’t ever bring the topic up.

  21. Lati dear
    Divorce is a tedious ruthless and expensive procedure financially and emotionally…. I suggest you first speak to your husband and go for marriage counseling if all fails sit the two families down and address the issue…. You can beat this if you are willing to fight for it…… If he has cheated on you before ask yourself how you guys managed to fix things and try working from there …. Marriage is a big step and to throw it all away in three months is honestly a dreadful waste

  22. That’s it! Noooooo bachelor’s party for my man!!! You guys just said worse things happend at these parties and I was under the impression that what Lati’s husband did was the worst. Someone please enlighten me

  23. QnA I am really baffled by the advise that been given here. cant believe some of them even went as far as to call you stupid. Its actually worrying what society deems acceptable. you have every right to be hurt by his actions, you have every reason not to trust him, he broke a commitment which he made to you regardless of the event. If having sex with prostitutes is considered harmless fun then we need to re-evaluate our social norms cause that behavior is not normal at all.

    I really feel for you cause this is suppose to be your honeymoon phase. you need to work through the anger and set boundaries for your self cause if you let this slide as harmless fun then what else you will you condone as harmless fun?

    lines need to be drawn somewhere. marriage is about too people you cant be expected to carry the burden alone. he made his decision now its time make yours.

  24. The guy cheated,whether before or after the wedding is irrelevant.”at least it was a prostitute”,really?not to mention my surprise at how sure u ppl are that he used protection,were u there? Lati needs anger management cos she is hurt by this betrayal. Wow. The sad thing is it’s fellow women who are saying all wonder these men don’t respect us or see the need to step up.then when women like me set standards and don’t tolerate rubbish we are called bitter drama queens. Lati I cannot tell u what to do,u have to decide if ur marriage is worth fighting for or not. U know ur man better than anyone.whatever u choose it is only u who will leave with the consequences

  25. The fact that most people here are trying to justify what he did at that bachelor party is beyond me, cheating is cheating whether it’s at a bachelor party or not, whether it’s with a prostitute or side chick, still constitutes as cheating. It was a selfish act on his part, u were still dating or engaged on that day.
    He’s stupid to have kept those pics and videos and he still had the nerve to discuss such BS.
    I suggest that u sit down and talk about what u discovered on his phone he needs to realise that what he did was unacceptable and apologize, see a marriage counsellor to get some peace of mind, three months is too short of a time to opt for a divorce.

  26. Q&A
    Darling,I’m one of the ladies who consider cheating as a deal breaker..but this,I wouldn’t consider as cheating..These bridal thingys and bachalor thingys are all about mischief..its harmless fun my darling.It would be a different story if he’d gone and had an affair..
    If it will make you feel better please talk to him..but this is nothing to divorce over,Sit down wakhe umzi lo..
    Besides you found all this on the friends phone not his..Relax!!

  27. Hi Cc I completely understand where u comin from. It will b hard to trust him after this. If u are prepared to forgive him then u should be prepared of constantly worrying about whether he z cheating or not. Trust me cc am speaking from experience. Bachelors party or not if he loves and respects u he should not have done it period!!!! Men think they have a right to be dogs!!!!

  28. Q/A: Marriage is an institution not understood by many because theres no school to prepare us in this institution. We take lessons and get tested for drivers licence and qualification, but what we doing for marriage? The moral fiber of our society is rotten, how is sex ever having fun? We have fun the wrong way, we changing how creation was.

    Your hubby broke trust and he should account for it. Go for marital counselling and talk honestly about how this makes you feel. Pray for a forgiving heart and forgive truly when you do. All the best sisters and hope you find a solution that will make you sleep at night.

  29. Clearly, all da STI’s will never become minimul, to think that WOMEN just dnt c a problem wth their men sleeping around n say it was part of fun or mistake…. Sies, n shame on you ladies. U just love HIV being spread. Nxxxxx.
    As for the guys, i understand you diffending your own, but question is, wud u really understand your GIRLFRIEND (not wife or fiance) whom just slept with some guy? I doubt u wud.
    How you find out about your partners ‘mistake’ aint an issue, cheating is cheating nje period. I dont understand this issue yenu yokuthi she dug the friends phone, rubbish. Amafone opartner benu r more private then their private parts in their bodies? Yeses. No wonder we die young n killed by Aids. Yeses.
    As for you lady, divorce may b your last option. You can try talk to him and myb forgive or something, but divorce is when there are no more options on your plate. Good luck. Deal with this ngendlela yakho.

  30. As always our daily dose … ay thing are getting bad and worse for this women but she had brought apron herself cause she don’t think b4 she do thing ……moment of the thing she do is out of anger thanks once again bra mike

    Q&A ay sistaz it all up to you @ the end of the day its your life ..all you want is happiness and you mst try in all mean to get it but to get break out your marriage within 4 months ay ay ay its something else ..I am sure you can do something about it

  31. Thanks Mike nice read
    Lati cc dont bring filth into ur marriage focus on ur life deal with ur anger and mistrust. Somethings bring strain into relationships and this sure is one. Woman to woman this is a great lesson to never go thru a man’s phone… Shu sisi hayi no

  32. Another episode of “a life with crazy Asthandile”. Now she is attacking the one friend who actually housed her in her time of need………she needs help.

    Lati……For some reason (known only to men) they feel the need of having one crazy experience before being “tied down” and this was probably it for your hubby.The one thing that pisses me off is that he put you at risk of contracting a disease by not using protection. If he didn’t infect you, then you can try pick up the pieces and work towards forgiving him. If he has never given you any reason to suspect him of cheating before or after you married him and he is a good husband, then maybe you can work this out. The trust factor obviously is ruled out at the moment, but with therapy and dedication, then maybe it will be rebuilt. All I can say is if you love and believe he is committed to your marriage (even though its only been 3 months) then try work towards saving it, he ofcourse has to do more because he messed up but don’t let his efforts be in vain, if he is trying, then try with him, if he is not willing and doesn’t think it was important, then you will have your answer. Gone are the days where umuntu kufanele abekezele udoti.

  33. A2Q,what type of a cellphone that stores pictures n Vidios ndawonye?sisi u were suposed to be sending pics nt going throght your husbands friend didn’t stop there I gues u went through his whatsapp/bbm or whateva to find what?mind you it was your husbands friend cellphone n not your husbands.

    However!i am so against the cheatin at the bachelor party kanti what is a bachelor?you mean to say u can cheat on me n just switch on n focus on mi in just coupla hours?that party wasn’t harmles since its harming this lady and start to bruse this new marriage.

    Love is a strong word sis just got married.fight for umshado wakho.nobody fails doing.if du fail that’ll only means uve exosted all your option(therapy,talking,loving him vise vesa)etc.again love is a strong word u can’t jst watch pics, vidios/conversations n just deside hey…I dnt luv him anymore I don’t think so.gudluck sis wam

  34. Lati, wena ubuwenzani, what you do not know will never hurt you. I used to go through my husbands phone nami I used to find izinto ezinzima but I had a problem raising them ngoba ngangizothi ngizithathephi. I stopped doing it and I am a free woman. Divorce is not an option men will always remain men not that I am condoning this but its a reality otherwise uzoliqeda izwe. One of the things that have sustained me emshadweni is one of the advises I had from one of the ladies I know which states Indoda uboyishiya uma yenze into engakaze yenziwe like ukulala nembuzi noma nenye indoda or ingane yakho (ichilo)” you must only leave your husband if they have done what has never been done before like sleeping with an animal or homosexual or sleeping with your child. Other than that cc I think you overreacting.

    1. wow this is the worst advice I have ever heard. just because you’ve accepted
      your fate and allow yourself to be abused doesn’t mean you can go around promoting such abuse on women.

      SA women we have deep rooted issues if this how little we think of ourselves. you will wait for him to screw an animal or your child before you leave him? your standards are really low. your view of yourself is really low. you think you are just a notch up from an animal?

      This is not normal. marriage shouldn’t be torture.

  35. Thnx Mike 4this dose

    QnA, nana first gud step is asking for advice and yes I hope u will go through it with a fine tooth comb like a fine woman u are. Yes u are over reacting by asking abt divorce first cause there’s still a lot that can be done to save yo marriage and a lot has been said about those. Stick to yo principles and remember it is your marriage and your life after all. Anyway whatever u decide on now, u hv 2 know that u’ll have 2spend the rest of your life with that decision and please pray for the forgiving heart as u will have people around u that may need that forgiveness. Your husband has a lot of explanation do do and it mustn’t be excuses for u to be able to make fruitful decisions.Wish u all the best in yo life

  36. WOW. I must say I’m quite shocked about today’s comments,what has our society turned into? Leti I’m not sure how to advice you but I understand your hurt and you need all the support you can get right now…*hugs*

  37. Lati, ngikuzwela ubuhlungu Dear though divorce is not an immediate answer. Confront him, make noise & punish him 4 getting caught. A lot of men cheat so leaving him is not the answer. And let it go. It is true that it’s better if it’s a prostitute coz it’s a once off, it still doesn’t make it ryt as it hurts the same.

  38. Lati…mebathi kunzima emendweni cc dts exactly wt they mean…i dnt wna defend the guy and the video was a dumb act on hs behalf. But now that uv had the hobeymoon part and u ddnt wna leave why do u wna leave now wen the bad cums..stay suck it in.. this things happen. Im not condoning it but i unlike u am not married so walking away is easy as dt bt for you. This are two families dt wl b torn apart by ur lack of tryng..

  39. “Q” uya gula sisi. U will only leave a man uma yenze into engakaze yenziwe??????

    Lol LOL!!!! Who gave u dat advice ye? Waze wangi hlekisa ngingaz’miselanga lol. Manje until u find a sex tape of him n a goat uzohlala emanyaleni? Lol

    Hai sisi I think uwena imbuzi la. Vula amehlo n stop being a goat n confront dat man ur with about wat u found on his fone! N do me a favour…stop spreading leyo garbage oyibiza nge advice. HAIBO!!!!! Such fuckerry dou*

  40. Thanks Mike once again. I wonder if Mxo was aware that he is building the wall in grandpa’s house! Astha played very bad by separating herself from friends as that is what women need most in times of divorce (support structure). I also wonder if Zimasa has told Astha about that pool shag and may testify in divorce court, oh what if that kid is also pregnant if I remember he went on flesh to her.


    I have to admit that it is extremely surprising that most people especially women consider this as one of those moments of shame that you should not take to heart. Unfortunately, I also say forgive him but after a GOOD PUNISHMENT (simply because you caught him) and tell him to go kill his friend. Every man knows that it is exceptionally legal to kill a man who uses a camera in a bachelors party. So he broke two rules, taking pictures/videos and giving to you phone with such information as he should have downloaded them (your photos himself).

    You must learn that in life not everything is black and white. There is a lot of grey area! As you have seen most women in this forum who are against cheating and abuse encourage you to give it another try, that’s because there are other things in relationships that don’t make a sense.

    Lastly, I also wonder how you got it. You were either searching too much or the friend wanted you to find them by accident. Either way it is not too good.

    Protect your young marriage with all your buttocks (per Mama Action).

  41. I’m speechless & ashamed to be a woman after reading these comments! South African women are a disgrace… please learn to love yourselves more than you love a man. If you love yourself more, you will perhaps realise your self worth & stop being desperate for a man. Cheating is cheating plain & simple. There is no justification when it comes to cheating no matter the circumstances. Bachelor or bachelorette parties are not an excuse to cheat & you should not accept that as normal. If you can live with a man that put your life in danger & a cheat be my guest. Love yourself then you will attract men that will value you!

  42. Kahleni bo! Why are we blaming Lati lana? I mean she has every right to be mad phela u can also get hiv from unprotected blowjob. Lati with marriage u just don’t pack and go u have to exhaust all options before you take that decision maybe start with confronting hubby dearest and take it from there

  43. The fact that he declared his live for you publicly and made a vow to love you and protect you a few hours after fucking a hoe is enough to make wanna puke. He looked you in the eyes and told you he loves you after fucking someone else sies akazihlonophi but ke divorce is your choice lady. We can tell you to do n you won’t, just talk to your guy and take it from there

  44. Lati, sorry for the pain that you are going through. You can never undo finding out about the infidelity. Whether it was right or wrong for you to go through his friend’s phone is irrelevant right now. I think that now you need to process the information at hand and DO NOT make life changing decisions while you are still angry.

    Right now you need to actually ask yourself why you got married in the first place and the expectations that you had / have. Evaluate the short life (3 months) that you have had with your man and the good one ahead, then decide if it is worth divorcing him. It hurts a lot, but just evaluate everything and go for counselling before making any decision.

    all the best

  45. I totally agree wif al da ladies hu believe dat cheating is cheating n ntn can justify wat he dd lyk reali y do guys get away wif everything n we gals allow it n c no wrng in wat he dd? N ME nids no anger management she is ryt n puttin myslf in lati shoes i wud feel da same da betrayal n humiliation is beyond words n weda its a bachelor or nt ntn can justify hm slpin wif anada cheek da day b4 ur wedding even worse… wena u walking down da aisle all smiles on ur big day kanti da cheat knws of his dirty work he dd da nyt b4

  46. QnA….lady, i feel your pain. I just sat back and actually tried putting myself in your shoes, it would definitely break me down. A bachelor party isn’t an excuse for him to have sex with another woman, no!! Im sorry but that is just messed up. As much as it hurts, divorce isn’t the answer. Rather confront him, talk to him about it and see what comes out of it then take it from there. There’s nothing worse than knowing for a fact that another woman actually made your man cum ..this is deep;but i hope you get through this. All the best….

  47. Ngizwa okukhulu ukudabuka.

    aike ‘Q’ kwanzimake dade ukuthi wena iphone yomyeni wakho iyona emise umuzi wakho dade. Usuyohlalake emendweni wakho cc ulinde indoda yakho yenze ichilo, engfisa ukukwazi nje ukuthi lelochilo uyolazi emva kwesikhathi esingakanani ukuze umshiye.
    Maye kunabafazi abasijwayeza kabi namadoda, nifike niwajwayeze yonke inyongo le, bese iqonywa yimi namike sekumele ngimelane naleyongo. Yikho emhlabeni kunje, its us women who allow men to do as they please. Ngihlaleke dade ngsakaze umbombo n wait for the day ayokwenza okuhlukile…. Sies never

  48. Wats the meaning of barchelor’s party kanti I’m not saying ukuthi wat the hubby did was wright but the aim to have a party is for the man to be a free man for the last time do all the things b4 saying I do to u but all the same he should have deleted the evidence naye he was reckless

  49. I’m shocked at how low women value themselves. A man is not doing you a favour by marrying you. You as a woman are also doing the man a favour by marrying him. This is not a one way ticket with no return. It’s even a man who gains more from a marriage than a woman cause he gets someone to look after him for life, he finds someone to replace his mother! So stop with this mentality ya gore the man married you out of a hundred, he said I do to you blah blah blah.

    The man must also be grateful for finding a partner to marry. As we all know it’s not easy these days to find a good partner either man or woman. Do cherish the one you say you love. Don’t go around fucking other women expecting your wife to be fine with it cos well you married her. What kind of nonsense is that really? So she should be grateful you married her? It’s not a curse if you never get married women and there’s nothing wrong with you, it just simply mean there are no more good people out there as evidenced by the comments in this blog.

    Sisi only you can decide what to do with your predicament. Good luck.

  50. Kwaaa ladies ngiyabona ngizivulele amanzi ngomsele butke engikwaziyo anoke nibuze abantu aba divorced how they regret their decision and nokuthi akumnandi kanjani. Maybe my examples were extreme but the point I was driving at ukuthi muningi umonakalo out there kodwa asivele sibaleke as soon as the going gets tough. Wena Leti, you do not want to be a Jonny Walker ngoba lemizi uyibona imile inezigigaba ezishaqisayo kodwa imizi isamile hhay ngoba kumnandi ingoba I know ukuthi even if I leave my husband mhlambe ngizohlangana noku worse.

    Not that we condoning cheating from our men, the fact is labantu banama backgrounds abhedayo. Obaba babo babatshela ukuthi abagange kodwa bangabanjwa nabo obaba baphile leyompilo we all have siblings from outside our homes azalwa obaba to a point that kuba ngathi its right. Its reality esp yethu bantu abamnyama, its a pity nabo they are reading these comments and they will get a wrong message.

    Rather engikwenzayo is to try and raise my son to respect women, that is my contribution engingayenza to change the world otherwise lo engahlangana naye esemdala kuncane kakhulu engingakwenza to change him except to pray that one day God will deliver him. Noms, you can be disgusted all you like but that is my stance and it keeps me sane.

  51. Q&A: PEOPLE i wil put dis as it is for lati and rest of u..ok let me start here..i tink most people do not understand wat is di main purpose of the bachelor party! In dis strippers and prostitutes are invited so dat with their skills..dey will do all these noty things 2 a man (husband 2be) Make him enjoy 4 di last tym tings dat guys do wen dey stil bachelors..a guys x gf is not invited becos some emotional may arise between dem therefore a stripper is recommended becos dey will do things for fun and dat is guys life..unmarried mans do things for fun dat why dey cheats so much..woman’s have more morals nd self respect dat comes naturally 2 dem nd hence u cant allow man just fuck u for fun..u often need to have some sort of connection 4 u 2 enjy sex with a man unless u’re a whore..wat dis guy did at his bachelor party isnt cheating but he was saying gud bye 2 a single life doing things for di last tym in his life..wat if dis guy wil neva cheats u but will luv,respect nd make u happy for di rest of his life? Can u lose dat becos of a prostitute he fucks b4 wedding you? Lastly u nid to remember the vows dat u made in front of ur family,frnds and god..mybe den u will come into ur senses.

  52. Q&A
    In bachelor parties female stripers are invited,not prostitutes . the friend’s aim is to lead the groom into temptation before the wedding to make sure he is fully committed to the marriage proposal. When he gets tempted, then he is not ready to leave the single life and should therefore not get married. It’s worse then if he sleeps with them. That man does not respect this marriage or you. Such behavior should not be tolerated, and his friends will never respect you. Seems like a lot of people have no idea what is a bachelor party here. It’s not a “do it all party” it’s a “look what you’ll be missing party”

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