Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Two

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I wanted to punch the wall, I wanted to punch something, I don’t know what but something. I worked so hard because I wanted to give my wife the best ever future. We had one salary in the house which means I had to put an extra shift. She supported this and even encouraged it. Fuck, now it felt as though she only encouraged it because it would mean that she had spare time to get people to come to the house I was paying for and sleep with her. Dear God! How many times had I slept with her same day after she had slept with someone else? Did they use condoms? I wanted to throw up! She did not even have the decency of keeping it a secret as all her friends knew. I was the fool. I was the idiot. When they looked at me I am sure they laughed at me. I was pathetic. Playing Mr. Lawyer there when ndiya tyelwa! It’s what I call eating humble pie.

I shouted. She came running and asked what was wrong.
“I am hungry make food!”

I said. It was already 930pm and I had refused before but who cares! She could see my anger and feel it. Poor child had school the following day.

“What must I make?”

She asked,

“Why the fuck are you asking me? You live here with that whore of a sister so make a plan!”

I barked. I was so angry I could have hurt her. I don’t know what had gotten into me but when I looked at her all I saw was Asthandile. Zimasa came to stay with us because she was already known for sleeping around so the gene clearly was in her family.

I found myself sitting on the couch yet again thinking about God knows what!

I won’t lie, I have to share most of the blame for this divorce not coming through. I have more excuses than Pitso Mosimane and that’s saying a lot. Divorce is not something you just do no matter how bad things are. People who have never been married or people that are dating only seem to think that when you are married you can just dump a person. How many times have you heard of both men and women standing by each when one is accused oof crime inclusive of murder and rape. It’s not weakness or a bad heart, lack of conviction nor cowardice but rather the fact there is that overwhelming fear of abandonment. Don’t take love so cheapily and for granted. Some times you fight for the marriage because indeed it is worthy of fighting but other times as in my case, you finally come to your senses and pack your bags and find the road. That think line for me had been crossed. I hated her. I wanted her to go drown in Jackzorro’s and KayVee’s tea spoon for all I care! That’s was what I wanted and one more thing, I was never going to get married again! Women are shit and yes they tell us constantly how bad we are as man but cut the bullshit, in the last ten years for a sheer lack of pride and self worth, women are just as bad as men. 50\50 has never meant more than it does now and Asthandile was not one of a kind, she is one of so many! Phew, needed to vent!

“The food is ready!”

She said to scared to look me in the eye. The poor child had made me bread and eggs. I was about to bite her head off but I could see the fear and exhaustion on her face.

“Thank you. I am sorry I shouted at you earlier!”

I said. The way she ran so fast to her room made me feel so ashamed! She did not deserve for me to take it out on her. I went to bed soon after but with a heavy heart. Not in that bedroom of course but on the couch downstairs.

In the morning I decided to drive Zimasa to school because I still had so much guilt in me. I was going to be late for work but I had to. She was very nervous about it but did not dare to refuse the offer. I gave her r100 for the days pocket money which was a lot if you consider she only got r500 per month pocket money. I saw Ezile and she waved. Her father was the one dropping her off and when he saw he made a run for it.

At work the mood had lifted somewhat but when someone is missing you can tell. It was not the same. My personal assistant told me that my boss was waiting for me. What now? I was not interested in talking to anyone. I went to his office.

“Sit, sit, Mxolisi glad you came today was worried about this!”

He said as soon as I entered.

“Is everything ok sir!”

I asked him.

“Yes everything is fine under the circumstances. We have decided that Dalu and you are going to represent the firm at Lindi’s funeral!”

He said as though it was a good thing. This racist bastard! They were not even going to attend their own colleagues funeral. We were not the biggest firm and in fact they had worked closely with Lindiwe on many cases. She dies and they decide to send two black employees to represent her. I was so disgusted.

“No sir, Lindiwe was your protégé you have to attend this funeral with us!”

I said curtly and coldly. He saw I was not kidding and there was no way out.

“Yes of course I will arrange that!”

He said. These white people want to act as though we are things and not people. Someone had died! Now was not the time to expose your true nature. Bury her with dignity for goodness sake. She deserved a good send off. I was so annoyed.

“Just make sure you two prepare. That will be all!”

I stood up and left and it was then I remembered,

Lindiwe’s family wanted damages and after that little speech to my boss I now REALLY had to go there!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike and fellow readers
Firstly, thank you Mike for the wonderful blogs you write am so in love with them.

Am a 25 years old in a relationship with a 30 years old. Its been 5years now and we have a 3years old baby boy. i love my man so much problem is he drinks 2much and has a rotten attitude when he’s drunk. That has created enemies for him and made me have anger towards him. Even his father kicked him out because of that he now stays with me,we both work well he earns much more than me but spends money on booze. We share house expenses then he spends the rest on booze,I just bought myself a car which we always argue about couse he wants to drive it more than I do. I love him but I dont see my future wit him.

Last year he had Tb symptoms so I decided we get tested for HIV. He doesn’t cheat I know and trust him even his friends mock him an say I gave him love portion. He tested positive an I tested negative. Even after 6month still negative even now am still negative an he says he’s never cheated on me so possibility is he got it before we met. Doctor says maybe am one of those people who dont get it maybe in big laters.

When we told his parents about his status they said his ex before me once came after they broke up and said my man must go get tested but he never did. I was not told even when we met he never mentioned it. I test twice a year and we always assumed when am negative he’s negative too,his parents says when they saw me breastfeed 4 2years they assumed the ex was lying.

He didnt go for his cd4 count and he doesn’t take this seriously,antlek he says he’s not positive it was a mistake,we always use condoms but sometimes he asks without it bt I refuse.i dont want only 1 child at least 2 or 3 bt how can I when the man I love is always drunk an takes nothing seriously,we suppose 2 set date 4 lobola negotiations but I told him 2 wait about that,my doctor advised me DAT if he doesn’t take arvs I MST NT marry him.


62 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Two

  1. Thank you Mike.

    My confused friend. I say run before its too late. Now that there’s a child involved consider staying alive to see your grandchildren. You can’t keep going with him in hopes of “I’m one of the few who don’t get it “.think of the child’s future not just yourself.

  2. Thanks Mike great read breakfast is served.
    QnA hi confused unfortunately his life is in his own hands if he doesn’t want t take responsibility for it des noting u can do talk to him i feel he is in denial nge status sakhe.Sometimes ppl nid touch love n us women sicabanga ukuthi it is our responsibility to take care of our men bt if he says his de man den he must start acting like 1.I know ucabanga ukuthi uma ungamushiya den uzoba worse. I dont c any change in him, y uzikhathaza ngo muntu ongazi khathaleli yena. His family knew abt his status bt no 1 bothered to tel u nayo leyo boyfrend yakho I relationship yenu yaqala nge foundation yamanga.

  3. Dear confused, please walk away if not for your sanity please do it for the lil boy who will have no parents to see him grow after they both die from this virus! You can have 10 kids for all I care but there are other men out there or even invitro! You are still young don’t sign your death sentence wazi bra! Gosh what is this thing with women and Love? I can’t deal!

  4. Dear Confused…
    I am now confused, but anyway… After reading ur letter 6 times I know kinda in away understand wat u trying to say… So u live with ur bf that is hiv + but also he possibly is -. And u want kids with a man that drinks out half his pay. But u also dnt wanna marry him, but u wanna start lobola proceedings… GWIZZZ… Difficult difficult difficult!!! LADY MOST MEN CHEAT! How do u know he aint cheating… Also u want a drunk as a husband… I bet u an attractive women, find u another man… Togo!!! Aids is for life its not a stomach ache… If ur life is in danger. Get the hell out… Simple as that.

    Utterly Confused!

  5. Cheeky Mr Maphoto :), you sir are a naughty man lol. Thanks Mikeesto, #TGIF

    Confused.. There is a lot of drama in that house of yours. Firstly if you are one of the rare people that don’t get infected by HIV because of blood cells and all, I envy you. Well done on not risking it though, don’t play with the chance the Gods give you. Your man wanting to do without a rubber is inconsiderate, its quite disturbing actually, so ufuna nife noy2 grend sharp?!

    The alcohol part is going to be controversial, I need to apologise in advance for all those that will be affected by this utterance. The only way to make him quit, without consent ofcourse, is to pour him pig’s urine in his glass. Let me repeat, get a Pig(Ngulube-Hagu)’s piss and pour it on his liquor. He will never ever touch alcohol again.


  6. Lol this issue ya Jackzorro le kay’vee e serious mos lol I love this block

    Qn A I think the reason why your man has a drinking problem is because he knows he is positive and he is in denial . Unless he starts accepting his status n start taking the necessary precautions there is no future for him , so he needs help urgently

  7. Neh brah there is no running from responsibilities tho, betta face them now.

    A2Q: Dear Confused
    I’m glad u love yourself more than a man, cc looking out for ur future is not a sin its how u do it that is, ur man doesn’t care, not about him, u not even about his child. Please thank the doctor for his advice, its true and to the point. Marrying him will only kill u slowly plz cc distance yourself while u still can.

  8. Thanks Mike. I got tongue – in cheek moment when I read you write about Jackzorro. I must confess that I read the comments all because of him.

    Now, Miss Confused, first of all- your dr was highly unethical and inappropriate to tell you NOT to marry this man of yours. And in this day and age, HIV should not be reason enough not to be with someone. Just own up, you had thoughts to leave the man even before you found out about his status. If you must leave, leave on those grounds.

  9. Mare Mxolisi ke sono ka wena maan,ur wife ntse a rekisetsa month beteng ya gago,damn dat woman has a nerve!danki Mike

  10. Hahahahaha! Mike, we love you too!!! Jackzorro, you are still my number one boo. Mxo, khaba lenja baba!!

    Confused, I must commend you for still wanting to stick with your man even after finding out that he is HIV+. Not a lot of people would stick around for that. Big ups to you lady. Now, the fact that your boyfriend is not taking this serious, it really worries me. As much as you love the guy, are you ready to get married to someone who is not serious about life? And also would even put you at risk of infection? Put the lobola negotiations on hold for now love and try work things out with this man. You don’t want to end up at the magistrates court filing for divorce for something you could have fixed before you jumped into marriage. Yes, you want more kids but this guy is not ready to be a dad to these kids as he still needs to grow up himself. Remember, any man can be a father but it takes a real man to be a dad. Your happiness comes first and your baby should be your first priority. You cannot also have a 30 year old baby. If things don’t change lovie, kick him to the curb. You can do much better than deal with all this bull!!!

  11. Mxolisi should have paid damages like he was requested, chances are the family will be ready and waiting to humiliate him! Akezwa

    Confused…..Nothing to be confused about dear. This man needs to grow up and take responsibility. The fact that he drinks to get drunk indicates that he has issues either about his status (denial) or other issues in general. Either way, its not healthy for you and your child. His own father kicked him out for crying out loud and you think you will change him? You have no way of controlling his behaviour when drunk so either you take Jackzorro’s advice regarding the pigs urine (disgusting as it is) LOL and you will testify if it works, or you get out of that toxic relationship. Its your call.

  12. Thanks Mike!!
    Lol ayi Jackzorro has found stardom lapha! I don’t think it matters what u look like Mr. Jackzorro, your intellect far surpasses any good looks #myopinion! Good luck Kayvee..LOL

    1. I agree mbals. You can have a perfect window screen but if what comes out of your mouth is diarrhea, then haaike, hell no!!! I have been following this blog since it started and never commented but ever since Jackzorro’s comments, I must say, it’s good to know that there are still men like him out there, including our Mikey here 😉 who can actually talk sense and at the same time capture a woman’s attention. A man who can hold a stimulating conversation really does it for me. Jackzorro, I have to invite you to some of the seminars I hold and you can come and advice men and women.

  13. A&Q CC i think it’s very wrong for people to advise you to leave your man, you need to decide that on your own. All i see is that this man just needs to come to terms with his status, accept it and start taking his medication qha… i have a feeling that once he accepts his situation the alcohol abuse will decrease coz from my understanding the drinking is the major problem kule relationship.
    My advice keep supporting your man and encourage him to do the right thing, nawe keep protecting yourself. If nothing changes you can then make your decision… Goodluck.

  14. The whole marriage was a lie from the beginning, infact there was no marriage there. Atshandile ke skhenkhe straight!

    As much as I feel for Mxolisi, he brought this on himself as well. he should have asked himself why Astha wasn’t married already, as beautiful as he claims she is.

    Congrats Jackz and KayV kwaaaaaaaaaaaaks

    Thanks Team Mike

  15. Thanks Team… as for Pitso Mosimane … you’re too stout!!!
    A to Q: listen to your Doctor, he is right. Your partner is irresponsible and selfish – regarding his drinking. As for wanting sex without a condom – hhayi-ke that is evil! Your partner needs to grow up and start acting responsibly or else nihlukane because you’ll be mothering him for the rest of your life.

  16. Eish he is going crazy.

    Q_A_ Lady run cause if he is violent when drunck then love you never know what he might espeacilly the fact that he wants it without a condom sometimes.. im SORRY but he scares me. Such behaviour is not normal. If he loves you then he must get his act together even if he must go to the AA for counselling but that doesnt sound like a healtthy enviroment for yourself or your son. we owe it to our children to protect them. why fight for your car?

    He must go and buy his…. what kind of friends does he have that dont encourage him. his parents are not realistic either. Call a family meeting, tell them evrything. if ever you decide to down tools tey shouldnt be suprised. you tried…. Nothing hurts as much as a MAn who doesnt appreciate the love you have for him…. he needs to clean up his act… the DOC advised you Good. GOOD LUCK Dear. BUt that guy needs serious intervention ASAP. LOVE HURTS….

  17. Dearly confused

    If your boyfriend loved you so much the same way that you love him, he wouldn’t be asking you to sleep with him without using a condom. He knows that he is infected and yet he wants to eat you 40 no my sister.
    And please do inspect your condoms there could be a hole in there this is not a joke but just do that…coz it seems that he is not happy that he has the virus and you don’t
    With the marriage thing though uhm!!!

  18. @Jackzorro: where does one get pig’s urine? I really need to get someone in my family to stop drinking… Am serious, please help.

  19. i agree with the fact that you consideration to stick with this man even after finding out he is positive is commendable, life will throw different sorts of troubles our way and being hiv+ is not any different from an abusive lover or a serial cheat or toxic inlaws because any of these can bring you death in different ways either way, depression or break your marriage, the only problem on your table should be this guy failing to accept his status and you can help him do that. counselling should help…and let him know you have his back. i think once this is done the drinking should subside too.

    i agree with the fact that if you leave this man, it should not be because of his status but for othe reasons, what if you end up with yet another partner with HIV or later find out you have it yourself…?

    and just to tell you a little tail, i have a sister who is positive, been for over 15 years, been married to the husband for 13 years and i think thier love is still the sweetest ever, he adores her, he is negative, they use protection but have two babies now since the marriage.

  20. Jackzozo can we atleast get yo fb handle or twitter im sure baningi abafuna ukubona the famous Jackzozo come on now dnt be shy lolieee #ladiesman

  21. KaManyosi nami ngifisa ukwazi utholakalaphi, teluna what you saying is profound. Otherwise confused I think your man is aware of his status and like many guys are not able to confront the situation constructively. He hides behind being drunk. Put some sense into the situation and make him realise that it is not a death sentence anymore but infact requires him to be more responsible towards his own life. If he pulls himself together then you can consider to carry on with the next step if not leave him.

    Once ungena emshadweni you must know that what you see is a tip of an iceberg. All your life you will be babysitting him to take his life seriously I have seen it from a friend, the husband will just stop taking ARVs and get so sick fortunately with these medications you can change to another regimen once you develop resistance. It does not make it right because some people who default die. We wonder why we still have HIV AIDS deaths, it is because of irresponsible people like your man cc. Take your time to make your decision kungabi sengathi you are being prejudiced against the pandemic but akube clear that you have a problem with the conduct of the person and nawe you will never regret the decision at a later stage vele othendweni akulula.

  22. @Jackzorro: was hoping you’d say ‘Woolworths Foods’, eish… Just imagine the funny face ANY farmer or butcher can give you if you’d come asking for pig’s urine? They’d probably think that you’re first class witch – ufuna ukudlisa indoda or something.

  23. Lol “pigs urine” cha shame where can 1 get it lmao yadingakala 4 real QnA props 2 u 4 sticking wif ur boo even afta u found out he’s positive bt u cnt garauntee dat ur man doesnt cheat dats wat “memoirs” is al abt n ungazishayi isifuba ngendoda kakhulu n tlk 2 hm coz da fact dat he doesnt wana take his arv’s n doesnt take dis seriously is worrying uzofa emncane… booze later n healthy lyf 1st

  24. Jackzorro please help where can i get umchamo wengulube, my brother has a serious drinking problem he is 30 yrs but already was fired from 3 schools where he was a teacher at.

  25. Thanks Mikie for a lovely read! *killed by jackzorro and kayvee’s teaspoon…

    Confused, it is clear that you really love this guy, yes people my say he needs to grow up and yes it be so. But did occur to you and everybody else that your man is suffering from a severe depression which might be the cause of his drinking habit? I mean he’s been keeping the fact that he is HIV+ from everybody and I bet even his friends didn’t know and he had given up on life.

    So I suggest you convince him to consult with a psychologist for counselling and help him to accept that he is living with the virus, assure him that you will be there for him and with him as long as he start taking responsibility for his own life.

    I trust all goes well and you don’t leave him ‘cos if you do he will kill himself.

    Good luck…

  26. Yoh i died…….drowning in Jackzorro’s teaspoon lmao. Some people are good with words shem, keep it up Mikey.

    Confused you are one brave woman. Your man and his parents knew about his status but nobody told you and still you’re willing to be with the man? What they did is called attempted murder yeses. I would have left the moment i found out they all knew. They clearly dont love you. They should have atleast warned you when they realised that you’re pregnant so you could take ARVs to prevent transmission to baby So they wanted you and the poor baby to be infected as well?

  27. My 1st time 2 comment.
    Guys, I feel exactly like Kayvee. U will have 2 put us in a boxing ring, winning prize JACKZORRO*wink*

  28. Mtho you think you’re clever man but you’re one stupid lawyer. You bonk Zimasa and all of them hay maan. You even have a child that you hide from your wife. You’re really no skoon paper its just 50/50 as you know. I thought you knew what 50/50 means but better as Jackzorro.
    A- don’t be confused dear your man is married with alcohol. If you marry him you’ll be wife number 2

  29. QnA: DO NOT marry him….i repeat DO NOT marry him…seems to me like you have all the answers already…leave before it is too late.

  30. Thx every1 4 ur comments dey really gave me something 2 think abt,ill talk 2 my man 1 last time 2 take his status serious or ill hve 2 live him 4 my sons sake…at jackzorro lol if I can get hold of the urine ill use without blinking*hides*@nqaba I can hve kids wit him if he takes his arvs an hve a high cd4 and undetectable viral load,so ur comment showed dat u jst commented without information or a clue of wat u mean

    Lots of love….

  31. Nice read thanx Mike
    Q&A dear do what’s best for your, your baby and your future

    DEAR u confuse me really… A few days ago there was a Q&A from a possibly failing 3months Marriage… People were telling the lady to stay with her Man who shagged a girl night before his wedding…. U were against that telling her to Run for her life and leave the man cos he cheated….
    Today you telling this lady to stick with a Man whose HIV+, a drunk and doesn’t care about his life or his partner’s life as he sometimes wants unprotected sex… I think you’re the confused one….

  32. I personally wouldnt risk my life by staying with somebody who is HIV +. Im sorry. Especially not an irresponsible 1 for that matter. You have a child to think about. He knew he was positive from the start thats why he drinks too much.

  33. As one of the readers have pointed out, that Mxo wiill not leave his wife as chapter 1 confirms, i am now looking forward to the twist, how exactly this marriage will survive, now dat will be deep, as for Q
    &A we have not been given the spirit of fear but of power and that of a sound mind but i have to admit your story just freaked me out, i pray you invite God in your situation and that this mess is one day turned into a message, all things are possible

  34. jackzorro can you teach me how to talk sense, I also want a woman that will say things kayvee is saying about you, to me

  35. Thank u uMxo kodwa i jst hope dey dnt embarass hm infront of hs boss

    miss confused ur situation is complicated i dnt wana lie,however de bible says God wil neva put u in a situation bigger dan u…i wudnt say leav ur man bt u shudnt go in dis blindly,persue him to get help cos de sooner he gets it de beta hs health wil hm dat if he daznt wana do it fr hmslf,he must do it fr his son coz he needs hm in lyf..gudluck dear

  36. Thank you team for a great read! Mxo must just deal with this Lindiwe issue once and for all.

    @ Jackzorro! How true is that statement about the pig’s urine broer? I have a sister who is busy drinking her life away and it looks like she will be losing her two adorable kids soon to her ex husband. She is in denial and doesn’t want to admit the drinking is a serious problem to herself and her kids. Pls I need assurance on this cos I’ve tried arranging counselling and Sanca for her and she flatly refuses to go, so now I’m optionless, pls mfethu tell me how this pig’s. urine thing works!

  37. Hmmm…..this is my first ever comment ever since.

    Dear Madam Confused

    Firstly, you are a good woman, u stuck around even though u now know what u know.
    Secondly, nothing beats communication in a relationship. My 30 yr old Drunken Master probably tells u how he feels about everything. He is showing signs of a person who has given up on life. See, when you are HIV positive, nothing accelerates the health deterioration process than a reckless life of alcohol and shit. So u don’t talk to such a person, you talk with them. He needs to get his feelings out there cos he probably doesn’t realize how much he actually means to you and how much what he is doing affects you negatively.
    Thirdly, you can take a horse to the river but u can’t force it to drink the water. If he doesn’t wanna live then make sure he has life insurance and a funeral policy.
    Lastly, make ur own choices for your sake…..i say choose life over death, choose to see ur 3 yr old kid grow up to be a man.


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