Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Three

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I know we are not supposed to say this but nothing excites black families more than funerals. Two things happen at funerals, we get to spend money but more importantly we get to settle grudges! Maybe it’s the raw emotions of the occasion that causes that lapse of dignity and etiquette. Funerals are the one time you don’t want to be the wife to the rich uncle of that family because that is when it is often decided how so very proud you are and you must be humbled. That’s who we are and it’s a war burying someone you love. This is why I was not particularly keen on this funeral. This time the family did not have to focus on each other but on me. There was no evidence that I had made their child pregnant yet I was guilty as charged. That’s black people for you. Once they convince themselves that you have done something wrong they will not change their mind even if there is proof. There is this family I was watching on the news who lost someone in Nigeria when that church collapsed and even with DNA to match they still refuse to bury their sister because they don’t believe it’s her. Drama! I was not going. We are stubborn to the point of self destruction. I needed a plan and a plan immediately! I had not wanted people in the office to know this but I had to! It just came out!

“My wife just filed for divorce unfortunately. I cannot go. I have to attend to this!”

I declared boldly in my bosses face.m Dalu looked down in shame because it’s not really a nice thing to say that your wife is duumping you.

“I am sorry to hear that! I thought you were such a happy couple!”

He was being genuine and he was right. Uptight as she was, whenever Asthandile came to the office she was always super friendly. At a few office parties she wouldd talk to everyone so it’s easy to assume that we were so happy. He was genuinely shocked.

“Looks like it’s me and you Dalu!”

Divorce is one thing every man understands because in our heads she will try and milk you for everything she did not work for. Her excuse is that she cooked and cleaned when truth is, you hired a maid for her to cook and clean and guess what, you are the one who paid her salary too! I knew my boss had gone through that so it was something that would win me the argument! Dalu looked as though he was about to say something.

“Speak man what’s on your mind?”

My boss asked him?

“She is divorcing him because he was having an affair with Lindiwe so he has to be at that funeral!”

Dalu said. He stood up and he walked out leaving my bosses jaw on the floor with shock! My jaw was not too far off either because what kind of a bitch move was that! He was my friend and he was doing this to me!

“Is this true Mxolisi?”

My boss asked immediately. I did not respond!

“If you do not attend that funeral you will be fired with immediate effect!”

He said sternly. He had cause too for dismissal. We had a company policy that actually forbade relationships in the office because the potential of the company being sued was not worth the risk.m I know a lot of people argue that whatever they do outside of work hours is their business but the reality most men know is that if that relationship turns sour she will come at you with full force!

As for Dalu though…

This friendship was over!

Fuck all self righteous people! If I could make lightening to strike people llke Dalu, the one I would be preparing for you tjoooo, it’s probably still doing push ups! I don’t when I had become this angry person but I think divorce that to you. I stood up and left my office to go straight for Dalu. He saw me coming and immediately stood up and motioned me to follow him. That was his mistake I intended to punch him but that most certainly would have gotten me fired. You can’t afford to lose your job when you are getting a divorce!

“What the fuck is wrong with you?”

I screamed as soon as we entered the basement parking? I was so angry at him.

“No Mxolisi, what is wrong with you?”

He responded.

“Your wife and you are getting a divorce which I know you do not want to share the blame in but you know you played a huge part in. A woman died you fool, a woman who was pregnant by your baby and you happened to work with and now you say you will not be going to her funeral? Are you for real right now? You used to be a man of integrity and honor now you are this pathetic little shell. I am your friend and you can hate me for making you do the right thing but it must be done! It must be done!”

He said in defiance. Had I really become that, a pathetic little man.

“I take the blame everyday for the part I played in this mess!”

I said in response.

“No you do not and stop kidding yourself! Thinking about it in your private thoughts is far from the same as actually talking to your wife or whoever you choose to talk to about. How do you kick her out with no clothes on her back? You have become angry, clumsy and mood because you walk around carrying all this anger and for what? I am ashamed to know that you do not even want to bury Lindiwe, really mate? Really?”

He said.

“Wait Dalu, I told you about his family wanting me to pay damages!”

I remembered now that I had told him. When her brother had called Dalu had been there with me I think.

“Why don’t you want to pay? You made her pregnant did you not? So who is supposed to pay? Learn to take responsibility for your actions and stop blaming everything on others because you are only embarrassing yourself!”

He said and walked out of that basement. Had I just brought this man here for my own intervention.

I was going to the funeral but not because of Dalu, but because I did not want to lose my job. Something also hit me, how did Dalu know I kicked Asthandile out with no clothes on like he put it unless…

It made sense,

When Bulelwa kicked her out she went to sleep at his place!

*****The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike and the readers

First all all i would like to thank you for the wonderful job you are doing. your blogs are a blessing to our lives.

Eish Mike i don’t know where to begin. il try to summarize my stories though they are long. i am a 23 year old female from KZN. i studied at UJ. i was using NFSAS to fund my studies. my dad was initially giving me money for food when enrolled. He unfortunately lost his job on my 2nd year. my aunt stepped in and helped me with money from there onwards. i also did odd jobs like waitressing, promotions and TV extras to make sure i did not lack much and also to cloth myself. by the grace of God i completed my studies in 2013.
early 2014 a month before my graduation my dad passed away. i was so hurt and nearly disturbed bcz i loved my dad so much, He raised me as a single parent from when i was less than a year old
(my parent separated, mom was unemployed and couldn’t afford to take care of my older brother and I,so dad took full custody of us)
my problems started when i had to graduate. at the time i had to leave home to do an internship in Johannesburg (dad was very sick).
I did not have enough money to pay for rent with deposit fees to get a decent place closer to work. i ended up renting a room in an 2 bedroom apartment own by a Nigerian guy, who at some point tried to rape me. i moved out immediately when this happened i was fortunate enough to have been saving up. i saved up enough by the time this happened to get my own apartment.
prior to my graduation. i invited my aunt, who had been helping me financially grocery wise, and my mom, who doesn’t have much (survives on a hand to mouth type of situation) and my older brother. i was so hurt when my aunt declined my invitation and she asked me to pay back the money she has contributed towards my “tuition” (she said i am where i am bcz of her money, she called me hurtful names saying ngiyisufundiswa now because of her okukakhesari makubuyele kukhesari). she did not even mention to my dad while he was still alive that she was loaning me the money. what’s worse is that she is badmouthing me in the community saying that sengiyisifundiswa ngenxa yemali yakhe njengobe nginge sanendaba naye.
i think the problem was that i had invited my mom. and since she did not raise me she was not supposed to be at my graduation. i apologised to my aunt for offending her but she did not take it. she indeed did not come to my graduation. she said we are no longer family. we stopped communicating all together up to this day, she is however the only family i have left from my dad’s side of the family. i am still young and I’m going to have to get married someday or even just for mere guidance, i really need family love and support. i no longer go back home because the way she swore at me (I’m terrified of being bewitched). yes i will pay her money back once i’m permanently employed. but she cannot expect me to buy her a car and so forth.
“yoh life neh” my second problem is that i have a younger brother from my dad,(half brother, he’s an orphan now, both his mom and my dad died), He is registered for journalism at TUT. my problem is that im struggling on my own to get him decent education. my family and his don’t want to help me. and they say i think i know better by sending him to varsity, so i should burn alone. We applied for NFSAS but he couldn’t get it due to lack of funds. i’l have payed for his registration, i pay for his rent, i cannot even afford buying him books) our families both don’t even wanna assist with his food. when i ask them they only send 200 per month, which comes after having to remind/nag them more than 5times. its still the beginning of the year and they are not assuring us that they wanna assist, when are we gonna reach December :'(. my aunt suggest that he packs his things and go back home and he must stop listening to me because I’m not his mother. but what should i do when all the elders don’t wanna act like our parents? i have tried getting him a study loan but i am still doing an internship hence i do not even qualify to be his Surety because i am not permanently employed.. Mike i am so confused. i moved from my flat to stay at a back room even just so i can adjust to be able to help him, i feel like i am failing myself, because he needs more than i can offer him. my family turned their backs on us. i feel so lost and so alone. no 1 calls me from home to find out how I’m doing( just moral support). ever since my dad passed on, there’s a hole inside. i get depressed a lot lately, i just pray it doesn’t lead to chronic depression. please help me help my brother. I’m running out of options.


49 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Thirty Three

  1. It is really turning bad for Mxo becos of his bitching around !thanks Mike for yet another good read!!am I the first to comment ?

  2. I am the first one to comment. yeaaay. Great chapter Mike.
    Mxolisi really is messed up. And as for Dalu, I wouldnt trust him too much, it seems to me that he might try and help Asthandile fight Mxo.

  3. Mike your chapters are getting shorter…love em though

    Q&A Well for starters God should be the centre of your life.You are never alone when he is there. Do what you can and maybe help him get a part time job until u find a solution just so he can atleast help himself get books,food nd clothing. Do not give up and don’t allow yourself to get depressed. In time you will realise that the more pain u endure the brighter ur future will be. Take these experiences and turn them into lessons and joys. God bless you and I hope u find help soon.

  4. Dalu nids 2 mind his own business lyk reali nw, he is irritating n shud focus on his own probs n QnA yho i feel for u waze wangiphatha kabuhlungu n hope u get da help u nid

  5. thank you for the morning glory.

    hi my Jackzorro.

    @lonely – my dear i feel your pain, but i love the fact that you apologised to your aunt, that alone she will always know even if she’s in denial she’l rember u did apologise.
    -you hv a big burden on ur shoulders but kip on going thru all the chanells of being assisted.
    – i dont know how u do it in SA but here in BW your situation i was going to tell you it’s quite very easy as “abc” . best of luck kip that respect you have for the elders.

    be blessed.
    Nongo @BW

  6. Thanks Mikeesto, I could just punch Dalu right now, bloody sell out.

    Yoh the letter today neh, ei but qina sisi, something must give at some point. All you do and have done will not be in vain. I’d suggest you visit your Father’s grave and tell him about these things, he needs to step up as Idlozi tshini. I hope all goes well with your brother and you get permanent employement soon.

    Jah bless

  7. I agree with Dalu. Mxolisi is always the victim, I mean really. He should go and pay the damages. Thank you Mike

  8. Q@A you deserve that slow clap as everybody rises to applaud you because you my dear have not failed at anything. At 23 to be doing what you are doing you really deserve a round of applause. Most girls your age are still dancing on tables in Jhb clubs which is why to me you are my hero. Your brother is an orphan which would make him a prime candidate for financial aid at university itself. He is going to have to take some kind of waiter job to balance you out because I can see that you are now overwhelmed. He must also sit down on the computer on campus and Google every scholarship under the sun and apply to as many as he can because something will give eventually. If you give up on yourself and your problems then you give up on him as well. As for your aunt, it’s jealousy nothing more. Now that she helped you and see that you are actually succeeding that joy of helping you has gone away. I believe you must pay her back and move on with your life. You can do this…

  9. Nice read, thanx Mike…

    QnA, what our relative family members put us through is really painful because it seems they don’t help a child because of the goodness of their hearts but because they expect compensation for it in the future, and believe me whatever you give your Aunt will never be enough to her eyes, she will forever want more…

    Sorry dear about what u are going through, as for ur brother please stick it out, find other alternatives financially ( student aids, bursaries, part time jobs) please dont let him go back home. It will get easier in time and Pray to God, He will answer….

    Stay strong my sister, u WILL make it. # Hugs#

  10. Lonely,confused n sad…plz contact lesedi fm,explain ur situation 2 ntate tshomani“m sure u will get help 4 ur brada”…as for ur family“I pray dt God gvs u de strength n de wisdom,n for him“be it if its his will to touch ur family”….plz don’t gv up on ur lil brada,I blv dt one day u will luk back n have a gr8 testimony 2 share….u r a gr8 person“God is in control,evn whn it dsnt seem like it”

  11. Q&A seems like you have it hard, but God did not bring this far to leave you…continue pushing hard and something has got to budge.
    As for your aunt yini inking yakhe, A car, Really? But sibonge ukuthi ukwazile ukumhlonipha futhi uxolise.

    uSomandla aqhubeke abenawe, nawe uhlale kuye, kuzolunga sisi.

  12. Yes Mxolisi must take responsibility for his actions but Dalu was way out of line telling his business to his boss. Dalu is no friend because they always have your back no matter what. Khaba lenja Mxolisi

    Lonely, confused and sad…..I am sorry about the hardships you are facing, like many people out there, our families tend to dissappoint us the most. I understand why your aunt was upset but I understand again why you invited your mom. Either way it was going to be damning situation. You finished your studies under heavy circumstances, you will definitely get through your current situation. Motivate your brother to do well so that he can qualify for scholarships and bursaries. Lastly, don’t forget to pray even when you feel the words are not coming, he will answer you but patience is a virtue because its not always an immediate response. All the best luv. Keep the faith and hold your head high!

  13. Dear Lonely Sad and Confused

    If all else fails I would suggest that you send your brother home just for this year. Tell him that he needs to get part time work so that he can save up in the mean time and once you have been employed full time you can be in a position to help him properly. Either as surety or pay for his fees. But remind your brother to keep his eye on the prize so that he isnt corrupted by others at home.

    At the end of the day you also need to consider your sanity, you wont be able to help him or yourself if you are in a mental institution.

    Goodluck Sesi.

  14. Q&A I know I cannot offer you any financial help, however have you tried getting in contact with the KZN Premier’s office and see how they can help your brother. I don’t know how it works in KZN, but in the Free State Premier Ace Magasule puts higher education on his priority list and I know a lot of friends who studied ( undergraduate and postgraduate level) through funds from the FS Premiers office. If your brother is academically deserving, they (KZN Premiers office) will make a plan. I also saw someone suggested looking for scholarships day and night, I second that suggestion, also since your brother is in journalism, also approach media houses for funding.

    I may not understand how it feels being an orphan, however keep your head high. Continue sacrificing for your brother, he is almost at the finish line. I remember while I was in varsity and we were struggling at home, my mom would say that varsity doesn’t last forever, after 3/4 or 5 years depending on how far you go, it will end and you will reap the fruits of your labour.

    I applaud you for your courage, remember that one day your brother will thank you sacrificing your present comfort in order to give him a chance to have a brighter future.

    I pray God continues to give you the strength you need.

  15. Dalu wa phapha o sure gore ena o holy enough go ka itekanya le jesu ne.mxm ,mxolisi wa dibona ngwana batho

    A2q- sisi its a gud thing that u want to take ur brother to school but then if u cant afford now then it only means one thing ,Save. I mean as keen as ur brother is ,to go to school u could both sacrifice to save up for his tuition. He can work at the restaurants like u did to survive and u can also do that Saving towards his tuition. I mean 1 or 2 years of saving wont kill him than dropping out of university .

  16. Thanks Mike.

    A2Q- Sisi you are not alone, God will provide do not live by sight but live by faith. First and foremost, I think you should consider moving your brother to UJ next year in that way you can stay together instead of you paying 2 rents another thing I always say when you come from a poor background it is important to study what will give you a job after graduation rather than what you love. Your Brother should also consider applying for nursing atleast with that you get a stipend or changing his course to Teaching and applying for Fundza Lusaka. Also he must try to apply for Bursaries such as the SAIRR. South African Institute of race Relation. Maybe he might get it. Ask him to get a weekend job as well in order to help you financially.

    This is just for a short time, pray and all will be well eventually.

  17. Dalu is already screwing As’thandile from the night Bulelwa chased her away, and Mxolisi you are right in your suspicion. Chances are they have been having a fling all along and Dalu your confidante has been telling her all your secrets.

    Q&A. There must be something you are not telling us that really got your Auntie to hate you. If you do proper introspection you will find out and go and apologize to her.

    I don’t like the self praise in the way you are assisting your half brother. Just do it to the best of your ability, quietly and let people sing praise about you. It’s not failing your brother not giving what you cannot afford even if he drops from University. Failing him is where you fail to assist when you have he means to.

  18. Nice one Mr Mike
    @MIKE just a suggestion, can you follow up on some of these letter, or maybe can the person reply sharing there thoughts after reading the blogs.
    I just think some topic need some sort of closure (how it ended) as reader, or some need further debate. Coz some topics would be heated or intense, then next day everyone has switches off and talks about the next topic.
    Some experiences are hectic and njeeee lets just know how ishh ended up.
    How are the rape victims coping, its the angry nigger still beating up his sisters perpetrator and so and so forth.

  19. What a sell out, with friends like these who needs enemies? Q&A you have a sad story tell indeed, please don’t give up it might look hard now put things will be better. Try and find your nearest ANC constituency office and they should be in a position to assist you. #Siyaqhuba

  20. Iyoo Q& A ngoana batho I can relate with the aunt owed situation. Sad part is you don’t know how much you owe them. I had a similar situation and she would call screaming and asking when I was going to pay her. Now she says I and my brother are where we want and big headed. On her cleansing I covered the whole do hoping i would have paid up but now she demands more thing is i learned was that God never fails in time of need that too shall pass. I would really love to have your contact details don’t know why we could work around that maintaining the anonymous status..

  21. Q n A dear i feel your pain, talk to your little bro mayb to consider another career, social work and teaching get full bursary and English is the only subject needed for entry and the payment for the two careers aint bad, he can study further when he works or get in contact with people like DJ SBU m sure they can help where they can, you can also live your email if you dont mind and any info we get will forward to you.

  22. I really do not understand Dalu ‘s comments honestly. Actually, Dalu is the real snake coming to think of it because Mxo is correct to suspect the ladies but the mistake he does, is overlooking his friend, or atleast who he think is a friend. We will debate about it when everthing is coming out, i will remind you fellow readers.

  23. Haowa mara Mike o thoma go re shotisa di chapter byanong. Anyway, keep up the good work.

    Q&A, sisi wam, eish your story is really touching. Unfortunately our families are like that. After my siblings and I lost our parents, both the families from my father’s and mother’s side turned their backs on us but we were fortunate that me as the last born was already working by then so we didn’t depend on my aunts and uncles. What I can say to you is that be strong. You haven’t done anything wrong. The fact that you went to apologize to your aunt is very plausible and at the end of the day, whether your mother was there or not when you were growing up, it’s your decision to make whether you want her in your life when you are grown up or not. Your aunt shouldn’t be demanding her money back because I believe after your mother, your aunts are your mothers. Find solace in the Lord. Remember He can never put you in a position that He knows you won’t survive. Like it says in 1Peter 5:10 “And after you have suffered A LITTLE WHILE, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” the verse says for a little while meaning your situation is not permanent but it will pass and you will find your breakthrough. Don’t give up and continue the good you are doing for your brother. We will keep praying for you

  24. I agree with you DatNigga I sometimes cant stop but think about those touching letters, and the solution to their problems
    QnA I commend you sisi for managing to get yourself a qualification in spite of all the odds, as for your family just be patient about them they will come around, some Aunties are not happy when other kids manage to go to university let alone try to make a life for themselves. they want you to be depended on them so that they can laugh @ you. Stay strong sisi and trust in God give him all your cares he will never leave nor forsake u

  25. QnA cc your story is heartbreaking im in tears just thinking what you going one desreves to go through the death of a parent and an unaccomodative family at the same time. My heart goes out to u n ur brother and rest assured that a willing somebody with resources is gonna read your story and offer assistance.unfortunately i cannot offer any help but i pray that God sees you through this and opens doors for u and ur brother

  26. Thanks Mikey,

    Eish this Dalu is such too self-righteous sies, i so hate him so much right now! who died and made hi Mr goodey two shoes. Damn he is a sellout!!

  27. QnA

    Sisi your story really brought tears to my eyes because I’ve been through this at the same age but mina I had parents who just didn’t have money so they couldn’t pay for my lil sister’s fees and I graduated coz I got a scholarship. I had to pay for her UJ fees for 1st year using my salary from learnership. It was very hard and I’d cry every time she would ask for a book but now through God’s grace she got NSFAS for 2nd year. Tell your brother to keep going back to the NSFAS office to check if there are no funds that became available. Also he must keep checking for bursaries. My lil sister got her NSFAS in September so he mustn’t give up. And if you do pay don’t pay all of it because NSFAS will reject him the following year and say he didn’t get previous funding.

    Good luck sisi…. I know it’s hard but at the end it is worth the struggling. Sending strength and love to you

  28. Dalu is a bitch ass nigga n im sure he told asthandile everything he new abt mxo n lindiwe damn I guess he might even represent asthandile in court. This guy is not a friend a self riteous busted

  29. Yoh Asthandile Dalu is Mxo,s friend n collegue like really!! Things r just going rong 4 Mxo shem sorry! Thanks Mikey

  30. Thanks Mr Maphoto for the daily dose you never disappoints.

    Q&A ayi cc indaba yakho really brought tears in my eyes what I can tell you is that always pray n ask God to be with u all the time


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