I have to admit it, leaving my child there was the scariest thing I had done yet in my young life. I was not doing it because I was a crazy baby mama but because I needed to get things done. Some decisions are so hard but the sacrifice is needed if you are to achieve in life. I had therefore done my part so now the wait began. With my phone off I had no way of knowing what would happen next but I wanted Mudenda to panic and lose his mind. He had to grow up. Knowing him by now he would be pacing back and forth. Judith was not making it any easier. She kept on asking if I was crazy and how I could do that. I don’t blame her, society expects the mother to be the responsible one and to care more. When you think about men really have nothing to be held accountable to or for. When we got home there was another variable I had not considered… my mother! She still had not really warmed up to me but she loved her grandchild to death. Amo was her third time lucky, chance to raise a child right I guess I don’t know. She might not be talking to me but half the time I would find her telling my baby stories. It was hilarious to be honest but fun to watch. As soon as I walked in my mother who was getting ready for her night shift said,
“Where is Amo? You know you can’t go out with him till this late!”
She said rather annoyed too. The anticipation in her voice was palpable.
“Amo is sleeping at her grandfather’s place tonight!”
I said casually. She stopped and let it register first before she replied,
“What are you talking about?”
I explained everything and the look of horror on her face said it all. She was furious aand called me irresponsible and childish!
“Tomorrow when I get back from work you must not be in this house unless you are with Amo. Do you hear me?”
She screamed that last part out. I said yes and went to my room. She started shouting at my sister for having been so stupid and allowing this to happen. My sister tried to explain but failed at it. My mother was so angry but she left nonetheless. I went to bed without eating. Did not have the appetite. I missed my son desperately. In the morning I switched on my phone and I had so many missed calls. I dialled the number back and obviously it was Mudenda.
“I am sorry about how I spoke to you yesterday. May we please talk!”
He said very calmly. Guess he had changed his mind about calling me bitch. Good start.
“Is it ok if we meet up today so we can talk?”
He asked still very polite.
“No, I would rather meet at your office because I am in that part of town anyway.”
I said casually. I had my reasons. In his office he will not cause a scene nor try beat me up. You never know with South African men. We arranged that we would meet at 11am and I started to get ready. I told my sister what was going on and she offered to drive me there because she was anticipating bring Amo back. When we got to his office Judy stayed in the car to give us privacy. I could see that Mudenda was seething with anger but I was trying to hold it under control. He sat down and greeted me properly of which was courteous too.
“What are we going to do about this situation Faith? Things are bad enough as it is!”
He said to me as his ice breaker.
“I don’t need this stress. I am writing my thesis and it’s due in a month. You know this! Now you bring the child to me what am I supposed to do. How am I supposed to focus? You are selfish!”
He said accusing me. Men! I clap my hands twice! His thesis was more important thank his child? Was this what he was telling me seriously? Sadly he started the conversation well and had gone there. When he was winning at that. Stupid boy!
“Let’s be honest, I don’t think he is my child. You know his not my child. So what do you want from me?”
He continued. Here we go now! I was waiting for this denial. It’s what men do right?
“How can you say he is not your child? He looks like you! Even your father said so! It’s ok though I have asked to do DNA tests!”
I lied. I would not even know where that is done even if I wanted it done!
“You fucked up bitch! Where did you get my sample? That’s theft! I could have you arrested. So what he looks like me, that doesn’t make him mine. I don’t see it in any case!”
It’s funny the things that annoy us most. It was not that he was denying his child, I had made peace with that but the fact that he could call me bitch like this. He was mad!
“Please don’t call me a bitch!”
I asked him annoyed.
“You are the one who called me here to talk but if it’s all about insults then I am leaving!”
I said standing up.
“You are a bitch! What kind of a mother leaves her child behind at her ex boyfriends father’s offices. What do you call that?”
I sat down and I replied,
“The kind of mother that needs her child to eat the same food her father eats. The same mother that needs to know that at the end of every month he will have food ready. The same mother that needs her child to have clothes, shoes and a roof over his head. You think I am a bitch? When you loved me you thought I was a princess yet when you ruined me you now call me this…”
His phone rang and I think it was his boss because he got all serious and professional. I used to find this sexy way back when he started working. Oh well.
“I have to go do something quick but yes you are a bitch and come take your fucken child! Don’t leave until I get back because if you do I am going to cause hell for you!”
I had dated this now monster for so long there was very little I didn’t know. That’s what I don’t understand about girls really. How do you date and marry a guy whom you know your friend or friends have seen naked, fucked, made him cum and still think you found yourself a diamond. Regardless this diamond of hers had not met me yet.
I went into his laptop looked for specific folders, copied them to my memory stick and deleted them inclusive of their backups on the computer. He better pray that he had backed things up on his flash drive but knowing him, he had not.
I had deleted his thesis as well as his research to it.
Did he not say it was due in a month?
Call me a bitch one more time!
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Hi Mike and fellow readers
I’m a fan of your work and I’ve been reading your books since DOAZG. Thank you for keeping us info-tained.
I’m a 24yr old lady, raised by well-principled parents, church every sunday, stable and doing well for myself. I’ve been with my partner for 2yrs now but I just feel like I want out coz too much has happened. The first year of our relationship was great, he was a gentleman, charmer, caring, loving, he was just perfect. Then about 8months ago things changed, he started being controlling, demanding to know where I am all the time, telling me that he doesn’t like some of my girlfriends, I must stop drinking, I must not go out when he’s not around! Hebethuna! Control freak! Then he wanted to have a child with me. I think he just wanted to humble me. Coz guys do that u know. He knows that once I have a child with him I’ll run behind his back if not then finding a partner who will love that child will be difficult. Its really sad how society expects women to understand while men get offended by the smallest thing. Anyway everything is just going bad to a point where I’m seriously depressed.
I’ve always had guy friends even though I know that 80% of them are really into me but I’ve always managed to maintain my friendships well, my best friend is a guy, we grew up together so I’ve known him most of my life.
Mathata ke a bathong, last year Feb I met 2guys and we became friends coz we enjoy each other’s company. Then I realised that one of them is really into me but decided to ignore it since he didn’t say anything at that time. My mistake was finding comfort in another man’s arms *sigh* when things got bad with my boyfriend. One weekend I went out and my boyfriend came to join us, found me sitting with my friends and we had a fight, I went to my place and cried my heart out. Afterwards I called my guy friend and asked him to come over and I came onto him knowing that he likes me and he didn’t resist. We started sneaking around behind our other friend’s back, the thrill guys yhooo! I’ve never felt so alive! Ok then shit hit the fan, I fell pregnant. I told my ‘friend’ and he accepted the pregnancy even though its something we both never wanted. I knew it was his child coz I wasn’t intimate with my boyfriend at that time we were just fighting every second. Abortion was never an option coz I don’t think I’d be able to live with myself after doing something like that. My sins are far too many to add abortion to the list would be like adding the cherry on top. My boyfriend had no clue about the pregnancy, last weekend I was at his place and I had a miscarriage, he took me to the hospital, paid the bill and was by my side, not knowing what was really going on. I feel like ngingu sathane uqobo lwakhe for doing something like that to him. I’m so depressed lately, I don’t eat, I can’t sleep properly, I can’t even look him in the eye. Today his phone rang and I answered it while he was in the shower and it was his other girlfriend. Ah the shock! Mxm men are asses I’m telling u! This guy has been accussing me of bullshit kante he’s the one who started with the cheating afterall. I confronted him and he denied everything. I’m so furious I can’t even stand his presence. I know that what I did was wrong on so many levels guys but I just wanna heal and move on now or I will end up drowning myself at the beach or something else.
1. I am mourning the loss of my child even though I never wanted it but I had accepted my reality and already thinking about names, school, everything nje. It was just after the first trimester.
2. Its hard for me to process the things I’ve done firstly to myself and to my boyfriend and friend
3. The bastard was cheating for at least 6months or longer and coz of his infidelity I was left vulnerable and ended up yielding to temptations coz I wasn’t coping at all. I’m not blaming him, I made the decision to cheat, I’m just acknowledging his contribution to my predicament.
4. In my darkest moments I used my friend and ended up hurting him coz he wanted to be with me after I told him about the pregnancy. Now the miscarriage makes things worse coz he blames me for the loss of the child. I was drinking a lot before I found out that I’m expecting(4weeks)
5. I feel so lost, I don’t know who I am anymore guys. I’m always in control, never cheated before, always well behaved. I was that child wa ko next door whom other parents would shout at their kids and say “why can’t u be like Tumi! She’s so well mannered, she’s home on time, helps out at home, wena o mastrata!”
6. I’m so numb emotionally, I’m incapable of loving my boyfriend right now even though I know he truly loves me. We planned on getting married this year and I kept on postponing lobola negotiations coz of the issues we had. I wanted to commit after we’ve sorted everything out instead of bringing baggage into our marriage.
7. I can’t even pray anymore, I don’t know what to say, where to start. This is unlike me in so many ways.
Considering these things guys what should I do? Stay with my boyfriend and come clean, hope that we can fix things. Stay with him and keep quiet about everything. Or just call it even and walk away from this mess and start afresh.
Thanks in advance
A very sad Boitumelo.