Have you ever heard of a situation where a person is kidnapped initially and the trauma of it all makes her start identifying with her kidnappers so much that she not only sympathizes with them but joins them in their cause. They call that Stockholm Syndrome! In South Africa, a lot of girls have what I call BMV, Baby Mama Victim Syndrome! This is when the girl that is now dating your man starts to think she is him and starts fighting against you and telling anyone who can listen that you are these evil person who is out ruin your relationship. Shut the fuck up bitch, this ain’t about you! You think I am fighting for maintenance because you are in his life? No! Sister to sister, I am fighting him because he must feed his child, clothe it and make sure his child has a roof on her head! Did I stutter? I did not think so! You get girls getting so high and mighty, out to teach you a lesson but you ask yourself this, woman to woman, what would you do if it was you? What would you do if you saw your baby daddy galavanting at parties, driving fancy cars but cannot even pay 1c to feed his child? I know this if falling on deaf ears because once you starting sucking his dick you think you are a queen! Get of your knees and pull the stick out of your behind and open your eyes!That’s Meladi for you! I was so mad! All of a sudden she thought she was Beverly in Rockville, hard core! I had attacked Mudenda and Mudenda only but if she wanted to fight me then bring it! She was not going to live in a palace whilst my child lived in a mkhukhu (shack). That one I would never allow! I will go wake up my ancestors myself to make them come help me if I had to Sies!
“It’s most certainly not what I want but take a moment and consider this, at three months pregnant, Mudenda loved me so much if remember. Today you are three months. What happened at six months? Don’t get so excited and don’t introduce him to your new friends or you will end up being me!”
is it just me but in the age of whatsapp when you send an sms it actually feels like you are more personal than via whatsapp. It’s just a thought. I put my baby down to bed and I lay down. It had been a long day and my head was pounding from that cut. I could not take painkillers though because for some reason any painkiller had a tendency of knocking me out something which I could not afford with a baby next to me. I wonder what happened to Judith! I slept.
Life is cruel at times because I started dreaming: in my dream I was in some kind of an estate, I am not sure if it was my estate but it felt familiar. I was driving from work when I got to the house. Mudenda’s car was in the driveway. It was too early for him to be back from work which made me worry. When I walked in the nanny came to the door to help with the baby formula I had bought and a few things, it was Meladi. She told me that the boss wwas back and he was playing with the baby. I went to where they were and as soon as I walked in he started telling me how grateful he waas that I had given him the most beautifull child in the world. He came over to kiss me and thank me but Amo in his arms started crying. I woke up from my dream because Amo was in deed crying! Sigh, back to reality! Whoever makes dreams is cruel in deed because that brought me back to reality. My subconscious self still loved him. I know you rant and you rave when you are mad but the father of your first child means something to you probably forever. That’s the reality. I slapped myself to get out of this dream state as I changed Amo’s nappy. This boy could stink up a place and the problem was the moment you opened the window the room will be invaded by these military style trained mosquitos! With a child in the room you can’t just spray willy nilly! He had a mosquito cover but I did not meaning I had to prepare myself. My room was smelling so much that I had to open it any case! For once though I did not curse at Mudenda in his absentia because where ever he was he was not having a comfortable time either. That dream though…
In the morning, around 6am my mother came into my room foor her ritualistic bye with her grandchild. She found us sitting on the grandmother rocking chair she had gotten us. Amogelang had not slept since the time he woke and consider that this had been around 330am. I was so exhausted and was even dozing off from time to time. My mother took out money from her purse and handed it to me,
“You need to but more pamphers, formula and a new baby blanket. Bring the receipts!”
That’s all she said to me. I was too exhausted but said thank you. Of all things formula, the thing I had dreamt about. I had her talking to Judith shouting at her for sleeping on the couch with the TV on. She started talking about how my sister and I are so irresponsible and don’t help her in the house! My sister maybe, I cook clean and do laundry even now with the baby. My sister watched TV and took care of Amogelang. That was my mother for you.
Around 11am I had a guest. It was Tidimalo. He said he had bought a few things for Amo. Tidimalo had been a superstar since all this drama started. Here was my ex boyfriend that I won’t lie I hated during our break up who had become my ‘rock’ since I gave birth. It’s weird. He loved Amo like he was his own. Who does that really? I am sure whoever he was dating must think that this baby he goes to see was his. I had to bath now that I had an opportunity. When I was done I went back to the sitting room. It was the oddest thing ever to be honest watching my ex boyfriend holding my baby so gently and talking to him like he could actually understand him.
“You are a Chiefs guy mchana! Never support the bunch of losers. Then there is Liverpool of course and cricket… rugby well… I don’t understand it myself but Springboks we support!”
He did not even here me coming in that’s how much absorbed he was wwith brain washing my child.
“My baby is a bucanner Tidimalo stop teaching him such things!”
I said laughing. We argued a bit on the merits of why he should be one of the other when we were disturbed by a knock. It was Aurelia! I was so excited. She had been a way as usual.
“I missed you so much where have you been!”
I said as soon as she entered. She laughed and said that she actually had not been anywhere she had been preparing for an interview one of her “friends” had organised for her in a big investment bank. I never thought I would hear the day she said she ould look for a job. She walked in and stopped when she saw Tidimalo.
“I did not know you had company!”
She said in an exaggerated whisper! Tidimalo looked up and looked at us then smiled,
“No girl come on. This is my friend Tidimalo, Tidimalo this is Aurelia!”
I said in my introduction going to get the baby from him. He stood up as I approached and out of nowhere Aurelia says,
“Good lord you are so hot!”
To him! What the hell? Tidimalo smiled and did his best to act cool. He greeted her.
“It’s ok to smile you moron she doesn’t bite!”
I said playfully but they beat me to it. They were already talking. I know it’s odd to say this, they just clicked. They had never met before but I had mentioned him to Aurelia once or twice, that much I am certain. At some point Tidimalo said he had to go. I could see the light in her eyes deem. That’s odd though because he was not in her league. Thank God! We walked him out and he insisted on hugging me first. This is a bad sign. When he hugged her I felt it,
I don’t remember feeling this jealous about anyone in a long time, even when I saw Meladi’s ring!
“Can I get his number please?”
She said as soon as we walked in! I didn’t hesitate when I responded,
He had not given her when he was here so why should I?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Dear Mike and fellow readers
Sorry that this is a bit too long…
I hope you guys can help me out here coz I feel like I’m on the verge of losing my mind. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years (we turn 5 this year). It’s been a good couple of years for the most part but as per normal I loved a bit too much. We didn’t see much of each other coz i went away for school for a good 3 years but we survived..I completed my degree and went back home full time. Now I’m not an outgoing person I don’t drink and ‘turn up’ and all that, I am quite reserved. He on the other hand is kinda outgoing, loves people and enjoys hanging out with friends and stuff (not clubbing )…okay to the point.. I loved this man with everything I had in me, never ever even thought about cheating on him. Now last year I found out that he had been ‘hanging out with his brother’s girlfriend and her friend behind my back (the girls and I don’t get along coz the brothers girlfriend had a thing with my ex while I was still with him – small world i know- but we had made ‘peace’ mara there was still that bit of tension between us). So fine, it also came out that my man had a thing with the friend……..now for the life of me that tore me apart coz i genuinely trusted him. However,I did my research (lol) and discovered that they did not have an affair. Now my problem is, after all the drama of feeling betrayed by this man seeing these chicks behind my back knowing how i feel about it i lost something for him. I felt like he disregarded my feelings and gave them a platform to disrespect me and my relationship. I mean he is about 6 or 7 years older than them i dont get why he felt the need to hang out with them! Since then i feel like i resent him. Whenever he calls i get soooo irritated, he bores the hell out of me when we talk over the phone or just rocks up at my house without letting me know. I can’t stand getting intimate with him most of the time. A part of me has just died. And the irony is that now he is the one loving me with all he has. He does every little thing right. I love him that i admit but I’m not sure what to do anymore coz i just feel so empty…..yet there are days where we are really happy but yoh the irritation always kicks in somehow…. is this normal since we’ve been thru a rough patch and i just need time? Or is this just a journey to a bitter end of my relationship? Please help me out guys i am going insane.