Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Two

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At times it feels like you are being punished for something because things simply refuse to go right for you. That was me right now. Why could I not catch a break. They say you make your own luck and I was trying but failing. Even with this imagine the misfortune I had to have had. When she walked in she literally stumbled. I was the last person she was expecting to see here just as much as she was the last person I expected her. This was awkward but she kept a straight face.

“Are you ok?”

Her boss asked her.

“Yes sir I am. Lost my footing there for a second but am fine.”

Well played.

“Mxolisi, I am sure you know how it works. She will ask all the relevant questions and we will take it from there. Don’t worry you are in good hands. She is our rising superstar so I have all the faith that she will be sufficient for now!”

I just nodded and thanked him then he walked out leaving me alone with Yolanda. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me because it felt as though I was a failure. Make no mistake about it, you divorce a person or get divorced because you have failed. Good or bad, wrong or right you have failed in this thing called marriage. I was married in a church because I believe in God and defend my religion but the art of forgiveness when betrayed is not something that ever sank into me at church. I am not Jesus!

“This is awkward!”

She said trying to break the silence. It was indeed.

“I don’t think I can do this with you, can’t they give me another person to work with…”

I asked her. I could not even greet her or look her in the eye! Of all the law firms why had I picked hers. If I believed in fate honestly this would be it.

“Please don’t request for another one. I need this. You know with us interns we have to scrap for every little thing we do otherwise we are stuck doing research. Please I need this to remind why I became a lawyer in the first place!”

She was right. I remember when I was intern I lived in the law libraries researching for other people. It is a painful tedious affair but I did it wholeheartedly because one day I will be the one bossing them around.

“It’s ok you can stay but I just did not expect you that’s all and this is hard!”

I said, the last past just kind of slipping out.

“It explains the ring line the other day. I thought you were just some loser that takes off their ring when their wife is not there!”

She said chuckling a bit which also made me laugh.

“I wish. I am the loser that has a wife cheating with God knows how men, hires another woman to seduce me so she can divorce for me for the peanuts I make as a lawyer. I have had it!”

She looked at me straight in the face and exclaimed,

“You are joking right… about the her hiring of other women!”

That was a bit unprofessional of her but I don’t blame her because when I think about it too, the story sounds kind of ridiculous. There is one thing my wife had greatly miscalculated, with Lindiwe dead, she could not accuse me of cheating and win because she could not prove it. This means that the provision in prenuptial agreement was now void. She was going to get nothing!

“It is true.”

I said curtly. She saw that she had crossed a line and apologised. She asked me the relevant questions and we wrapped up in about two hours. There was lot to write. Her boss came back at some point and we discussed assets and money’s that will have to be divided. I took out my prenup again and it clearly stated in the section under Desolution of Marriage:
4.1.b In the event of one spouse cheating and proved, only 10% of the estate shall be allocated to them and household goods shall be forfeit.

That was the key to the whole agreement. They were going to evaluate all our assets in financial terms then divide the estate 90% to me and 10% to her. Obviously she was going to fight this tooth and nail. No way she wanted to go back to Mdantsane with nothing. Some people forget where they come from when they get comfortable. Yolanda wrapped up and left the office. We concluded our business and I went back to the office. It was almost empty when I got there as almost everyone had taken the half day offer given for Lindiwe. People and work! I had nowhere to go. I had to look for a place to stay that was fully furnished. I was grateful that when Asthandile cleaned out my accounts when she came back she had returned it. I checked that account and transfered half to my account. I was not going to be that cruel.

This is Cape Town. So many houses are owned by white people who left in 1994 because the baboons were taking power and when they left, they rented them out. With Zille in power though Cape Town has become more racial hence finding a house was not easy. I found a lot of fully furnished places but the moment you mentioned your surname they would either hand up or tell you it was not available. One lady so sweetly told me that “we don’t rent out darkies! Good day!” it was an eye opener. After about thirty or so calls I had three places to view, two in Newlands and one in Pinelands. At least there was progress. Only problem is all three were only available in a week meaning I will have to stay with Khanyi longer. That was not a nice thought. I went to our HR lady to ask for Lindiwe’s family details as I had to pay my respects. She gave them out to me and told me the firm was planning something.

I called the next of kin number which I was given and I caught her brother. He sounded very distraught and he said that he was in Cape Town and was lost half the time. He needed help. I offered to take him around which he declined by saying one of his cousins had just arrived. She was going to be buried in Johannesburg he said. I told him I will see him there. He cleared his throat then said,

“What did you say your surname was again?”

He asked.


I responded.

“You are the man that made her pregnant right?”

I did not know what to say but yes.

“In my culture we cannot bury a child that does not belong to us and that baby was yours. Come prepared to pay us damages?”

He said and he hung up.

Did I hear him right?

*****The End******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto

Dear Mike

Thank you for reading my letter. Never thought I will have the courage to do this. When I was 19 my friends raped a girl. I was the lookout and did nothing to help her. We were all arrested and for the last 14years I have been in hell. I have no excuse whatsoever for what we did. The girl lived a few streets away from me and committed suicide three years ago. I feel guilty and like a fraud because I am still alive. In prison a lot of things happened. I was raped myself twice and I am not saying this for sympathy. I stood and watched her be raped and I was laughing as it happened. I am now trying to rebuild my life but she haunts me. She was only sixteen and to this day I don’t know what got into me.

I am a bad person, I have accepted but every day of my life I want to make up for what I have done. Mike Maphoto your books have potential to do more than entertain, they can teach. Fight abuse of women and children were other men like myself have failed.

Thank You

Frans Khuzwayo

46 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Two

  1. Thanx Abuti Mike and the team as a whole for yet another interesting read.

    Mike I really want to thank u for having such a huge impact and good influence in a lot of peoples lives and making most realize the wrongs they have done in their past, Frans it takes good courage to admit ur wrongs and I’m sure it wasn’t easy writing this letter , I know what I’m about to suggest won’t be simple and easy but I think maybe u need to start some kind of small project or something just to speak to young men about rape not only about how it will affect the women and children affected but how it will affect them (the men) in the long run because there are still ignorant people out there who need to hear it from some1 who has experienced it before and gone through what u have gone through. Thanx

    1. Thanks bhuti Mike for the read,

      I think you have a point Sweet-lemon, bhuti Frans please go to high schools and talk about this. I think a number of young man want to hear about how rape could affect them as well as perpetrators. when I was still in high school a friend of mine was raped by my boy friend and his friends only because she dated two friends in that group. They said they were punishing her for being a slut and teaching us a lesson (ukumfolela).

  2. Thanks Mike

    Frans, exactly how do you get access to the internet and whatever gadget you are using while you are in jail? (Just Curios)
    I am a mother of two girls, if it was my child you did this to I know I wouldn’t be able to forgive you but I would still want you to apologise. That being said though, my suggestion is that you seek God. I doubt there is much anybody can do for you in this world. You can try counselling, I do hope it helps but at the end of the day you need to come to terms with what you have done. Forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness from the girl’s family. Pray everyday not only for yourself but for the mother of the child you destroyed, pray for that girl’s soul as well.

    Wishing you all the best.

  3. Eish it really doesn’t rain for Mxo its pours…lol go pay damages @Thanks Bhuti Mike

    @Miso ..his not in jail ,he was in jail that’s the reason he says lots of things happened(its past).

    @Frans the first step you need to do is forgive yourself we all make mistakes that cost us fortune but that does not mean that we are bad people.secondly forgive those you have hurt remember you can not do this on your own seek help,join conselling groups ,find people who can help you through this lastly seek God.

  4. It never rains but it pours. Gqina Mxo, zoba strong. Thanks Mikeesto, awesome one.

    Brave of you to mention your name Franz. What you did was stupid, cruel and unforgivable. It was insensitive, inhumane and henious. What you got in jail was nothing compared to what you did to that Lil girl and the aftermath leading to her suicide. You shouldve hung yourself.

    But all that doesn’t matter now, you are still alive and you are trying to repent, its a start but damn its a start at a very narrow and dark road. Your obligation is to honour that girl’s memory and do your best to save other little girls that can fall to the same fate. I don’t know if God has forgiven you, I know that girl hasn’t though. If you manage to forgive yourself then perhaps you can find inner peace. But you need to be examplary going forward for the cause, the rape scurge.

    If I was harsh, understand that I write this as a father, a brother, a son, a nephew, a grandson, and a member of society crying for our children. It was now recently we were shocked of a little girl that went missing and was raped and killed. My heart is just in a bad space to be able to have any mercy for rapists. homicide is what I think would be justifiable justice.

  5. Mxo must just forget about that pre-nap agreement cause uwifey will have proof tha Mxo also cheated and got Lindy pregnant and am sure Lindy’s brother will be willing to provide her with proof.

  6. Thanks for the beautiful read. Mike please assist are you still selling copies of a diary of a Zulu. If so what is the procedure to buy and also when is confessions coming back. My last request cant you paste two chapters a day. Thanks

  7. trust darkies to find that gap to make a quick bug and use culture as an excuse, aba bikanga ne sisu but u have to pay demages yohh nice one bra mike

  8. Q&A

    Mr Inmate, you are in prison, using probably a smuggled celphone so you realy are a bad man. Question is, have you realy changed ur ways seing that you still corrupted? Pray to God for his mercy and apologise to the girls family. Give your life to Jesus then you will be free’d

  9. I work at an organisation that works with abused women and teens. We also talk to teens about date rape. If you are up for it, we could arrange a session where you can share your experiences. We do it all year round.


    all you need right now is God, he will never judge you but change you life for good. And you need to go to that lady’s house and tell her parents what realy happened. you need to apologise to them before you go to church

  11. Eish Mxo if you want to continue with the pre-nap agreement, it means you shud not pay damages because it will be an evidence that you were cheating and got Lindiwe pregnant.. on the other hand you will be disrespecting your unborn soul and ur side chick.. eish kusazoshuba moes! welldone Mike and ur team.. Tuesday is too far to read the next chapter.

    Q&A I would like to agree with Jackzorro’s comment. well said my brother.. It very clearly that the victim has not yet forgiven you. you stole her a life. She was young but well you shud go to her family and seek forgiveness. They will probably insult you and never accept ur apology but tell yourself that you are not doing this for them but yourself to move on. Open male support group.. You might not raped her but you didnt help her, that was also unforgivable.. ask God forgive.

    I would also like to thank you Frans for writing this letter, I can Imagine, how hard it was.

  12. Mxo…usenkingeni shame…Guys stop being judgemental maan!!!, there are internet facilities in jail and accessed mostly by those showing rehabilitation and good behaviour, give the guy the benefit of the doubt, admiting and accepting responsibility for what you ve done its the first to a long healing journey Frans…like jackzorro said be exemplary and it must not and to you apologising but you must leave for the course to change other men who still believe that rape gives them power over women…

    Thx for the nice read Mikey!

  13. Nice one Mike
    at Q&A
    Just a thought: Where was the girls family in her ordeal, it took the poor girl roughly 10yrs to commit suicide, in my view her family also failed her.

    Mr Convict “with reamed behind”, Whats unfortunate is can’t change the past. Do whats right for you and the family, go apologies and except what ever response you will get. What you did to the family is cruel, cold and extremely unfair. They might take warmth in your apology.

    Its seems like your are showing remorse as it is haunting you, acknowledgement is a start.
    I’m a father, i always used to say i would kill anyone who would do that to my daughter. But i feel that would shift perpetrators evil to my conscious, and that’s not what my family would need at the time.

    I won’t judge you my brother (not to say i would bye you a beer), many have made mistakes in their youth. many are living with consequences as we speak.
    All the best.

  14. Mike great writing as usual. I didn’t expect the brother in law to come with this. I thought maybe Astha will try to find a DNA of the baby posthumously. I would be afraid of that Yolanda girl as she is connected to Khanyi, what information can she shares. Remember, no evidence against Astha exist.
    We should always remember that Mxo was framed with Khanyi and has no idea what happened with Lindiwe. So what does he get that is good for him, he is just a victim of scheming women. Not a CHEATER.

    Frans, you were arrested for watching! Though it sounds unfair but that is how our world works. So continue to warn little boys about dangers of sexual violence. Most likely the family will not forgive you but it will be a first step towards your healing and their healing so go and request it anyway. When apologising let them know that though your involvement was being a guard you feel as one of the people who betrayed her.

    When combining your story and the one raised yesterday I notice a pattern that most teenage boys don’t know what is the effect of rape and what is rape. In my teens, I would have considered it as one of the bully activity in the same wavelength as bigger boys beat up a small boy where it is just a small beating not much harm done (lack of education). So, I appeal that everyone must teach of teen boys that though any violence against girls is very bad but sexual violence is harm for life irrespective of how they consider that girl to be promiscuous. Yes some boys consider girl’s promiscuity as licence to sexually abuse her. This can be important more in sexual education teachings both at home and school.

  15. Mxo… looks like u will also fight tooth n nails bcz Asthandile will now hv a proof of ur cheating. Better come up with plan b or else u might b the 1 walking out with 10%…#great read Mike

  16. People always say to rapists, murders and criminals ” Give your life to God” after damaging and distorting someone’s life. Its easy to say forgive, find Jesus, apologise and so on. But the pain and hurt remains for the rest of the victims life. As women today we must live in fear because of men who are supposed to be our protectors. I don’t mean to be harsh but the damage is already done to the girl and her family. You and your friends have a future she doesn’t. I’m still alive and have a future but my life has changed because of rape. I don’t see myself as a victim but there are so many things that remind me of what happened. I don’t want kids because I don’t want them to experience certain things.

    Rape damages you for life. God knows I will not forgive or feel sorry for those who rape. And she was just a kid how was she supposed to deal with it.

    Tshwarelo ha eyo. Tshwarelo ha eyo tlasa lebitla. The poor girl is dead so you can’t do much.

  17. I applaud you Frans for being remorseful and admitting to what you did taking responsibility for your actions…God bless you and may your sins be forgiven and try make peace with yourself and your past

  18. Akasekho ejele umntanabantu. Franz sinomhlobo onguJesu unothando” cela uxolo kwi family yakhe, make peace with urself. Make peace with the past. You have paid for your sins and this letter proves that you really wanna change. God will give you strength. Seek his kingdom.

    Ahhhhhhh kodwa Mike and team! Tuesday eyanini nje *cries*

  19. Deep one Frans. Deep indeed. Guess we dont know how far the ripples of our decisions go… However though, I am reminded of a story in the bible of a woman that had committed adultery. When they were ready to stone her to death Jesus said let the one without sin be the 1st to cast a stone…

    With that being said, we judge n to an extent believe that God is angry or hasn’t forgiven such people only to find that all sins are the same before… even though the consequences may be differenton earthly standards.

    Forgive yourself Frans… its time to move on now. If we confess our sins God is faithful and Just to forgive us… fellow mates let us refrain from holding back people that God has long released…


  20. BE careful of things that bring temporal pleasure but permanent damage… Deep one Frans. Deep indeed. Guess we dont know how far the ripples of our decisions go… However though, I am reminded of a story in the bible of a woman thatcommitted adultery. When they were ready to stone her to death Jesus said let the one without sin be the 1st to cast a stone…

    With that being said, we judge n to an extent believe that God is angry or hasn’t forgiven such people only to find that all sins are the same before God… even though the consequences may be different on earthly standards.

    Forgive yourself Frans… its time to move on now. If we confess our sins God is faithful and Just to forgive us… fellow mates let us refrain from holding back people that God has long released…


  21. I’m not a judge nor God mara I do know this this guy was stupid and childish and he didn’t rape the poor gal even though its as good as he did.I know I have a 9year old daughter god knows how I would break if something like this would happen 2 her,as I myself I’m a survivor of rape.With that said the poor guy has paid 4 14years and got raped twice himself,its not easy but we are doomed if we are a nation that doesn’t 4give we all know 4giving its 4 the strong but it heals u also emotionally trust u me I know but we not God and God does 4give us that’s y even the bible says if wena awoni then take the stone and cast the 1st stonea,its not easy mara let’s try and be a 4giving nation.

  22. Poor Mxolisi however, you made your bed now lie in it! There are consequences for every behavior and every decision , its just part of life!

    With that said Frans you have paid your price for your choices and your then behaviour. It’s a pity, life was lost after the results of your actions however, you have a chance to make a difference and teach our generation that crime doesn’t pay and the after results are often eternal.

    I think I speak for everyone when I say, the change we want to see in the world begins with you and me as individuals. If we could learn to love one another as brother and sister I think we will combat the crime against woman and children simply because we will recognise them as one of our own.

    Thanks Team

  23. The highlight of my day is the letter from Frans today. Knowing that nobody is perfect and none is without sin, we have all done things in our past we are not proud of. Frans nobody said the road would be easy but the Lord hasnot brought you this far to leave you. I applaud you for speaking out and hope the negatives and challenges you will face will not turn you into that person again. Look ahead and spread the message of hope and raise awareness. Being young is no joke guys…we must consider ourselves blessed for having made it to adulthood without stupid mistakes…its favour actually. Who knows, we probably would never have survived had it been us in Frans’ shoes, remember that everything happens for a reason and yours Frans was to educate, impart knowledge and be moulded into the man that you are now…shady past but bright future!

  24. Thanx Mike.

    QnA i’m proud of you. Despite what you have done a long time ago is part of your past, it doesn’t mean you have to live with it on ur shoulders for the rest of your life. Go to the family and ask for forgiveness ask them what you can do to gain their forgiveness and trust again.

    Goodluck. And pray lot

  25. A2Q…I fell pity for woman in this world for they are forced to live in fear and find it hard to put their guards down, because those who are meant to protect them, end up being the ones that do wrong by them. I won’t go on and tell you how wrong what you did was(thanx to jackzorro for being one of the realist niggas I know) but I respect the courage that you had for putting yourself out there knowing exactly that harsh words will be thrown at you and not even seeking sympathy for what you had to go through as a result. Otherwise I feel that forgiving yourself is what you should consider doing and also asking forgiveness from the girl’s family,and if it means you have to go down on your knees then do so. I’m putting myself in your shoes as I write this. I was told never to kick a person when he is already down, I wish you all the best.

  26. Nana i would like to know the name of the organisation in order to be involved one way or the other. Please contact me on gailmokwatlo@

  27. Frans needs to see a therapist yo, nobody has mentioned that, or I read too fast, I dunno. But you need to see someone bro. I have never been raped but everytime I walk out of my house I am always paranoid, I just cant be alone. Its sad what SA has turned into bafwethu

  28. Mothers we are leaving in tough times, we need to pray for children for their protection. Frans you need to accept Jesus as your personal saviour and repent, then seek forgiveness from the girl’s family. The lord says come yee that I have larden and I will give you rest. You might not get the desired outcome from the girl’s family but Christ can give you peace. You were very foolish at the time but you now see the light. Repent while there is still time. Spend the rest of you life educating young boys on respecting women.

  29. Funny how rapists are easily forgiven and embraced. Forget the hell frm the system and society survivors go thru.I was raped at 8 and frans u need to know u killed that girl.u watched as they stole her soul from her. Rape survivors go through hell for years after the event. I am now 25 with my own daughter but if someone did the same to her they would hang!

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