Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Seven

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

I don’t know if you have noticed by now that I never talk about my father. He is a hard tradition and stubborn man. He has no compromise in his beliefs and between us we have a hectic clash of ideologies. He believes in things to do with ancestors and so on where I am christian by choice. Yes he goes to church and to him what kind of a black person are you if you attend a church that does not wear uniform and worse, what kind of a church is it that does not wear one! Unfortunately for him his church has faith healers and people who faint in the name of deliverance which makes it pretty scary stuff indeed. Ironically he was not always like this but when he got diagnosed with diabetes and told he could not drink anymore it was as though someone had bewitched him. He took this to heart and sort to cleanse himself. I remember when I first went to university, I was staying in Kopano Residence at UCT. He escorted me and when I was allocated a room he insisted on praying for it and throwing water to protect me from evil spirits. Thank the heavens I had no roommate but my neighbor across, Kevin Davies, saw this and for my four years in that residence he never said a word to me! Must have scared the Coloured boy shitless lol what happened to us being all “black”!

I must be forthcoming, another reason why Asthandile’s family did not like me was because my family was considered backward because of such tendencies. At time when I listened to some of my father’s sayings I could not blame them really. I too had those moments where I hated myself. Hanging up the phone was my first instinct because a man like my father takes planning for. Now that I knew what he wanted I could think of what to say. He was the type of man that whatever you say could be used to punish you. I called him back.

“Did you hang up the phone on me?”

He asked me angrily. I explained calmly and respectfully to him that no, it was not the case, we were having network issues!

“Are you divorcing your wife?”

He asked me! It was then it hit me, I had not told my side of the family about the divorce. Yes they had come through the one time when Asthandile called them and that was it. Had my father told his sangoma about us? What the hell?

“Yes I am leaving her!”

I stood my ground!


He said and whistled at it,

“My son don’t do that? What are you trying to achieve by that? You think we all didn’t have problems at the beginning of our marriage? Don’t be like this? Don’t run away from problems, be a man and fix them!”

He said begging me. I cannot for the life of me, remember a time my father had ever begged me. I am being honest here. He was as proud as a peacock that one. My father loved Asthandile that much I knew. He often joked that when you have money you need a beautiful wife. I think in his head Asthandile was that woman who would give the money he thought I had credibility. My mother often warned him that there are no clever yellow bones in Mdantsane to defend me which would annoy him to no end. I knew she was joking to defend me but he still got very defensive. When Asthandile and I got married he told everyone in NU6 that could listen about how his lawyer son is marrying the princess of Mdantsane. People thought he was mad but I just saw the pride in him. This is how I knew that I had really disappointed him. He loved my wife.

“Baba, things are really so bad, I have been fighting but enough is enough. I can’t stay with a woman who sleeps with another man. That’s what I refuse!”

I said to him. He kept quiet.

“I will not allow this. If you leave that woman you will leave this family!”

It was his turn to hang up! I could feel his anger all the way there were he was but he was being too dramatic. Come on now. To get rid of this woman however I was willing to do whatever it takes. That much I don’t care. My father had to just relax and either help me or get left behind. I am sure right now he was shouting at my mother for not talking to her son. My poor mother, forever defending me. Maybe I really needed a sangoma because I really was cursed! My father was a single minded. This meant that I will have to fight him too just to get rid of this filth in my life. People don’t get this, the reason why most people avoid divorce at all costs is because marriage is not just about two people, it’s about families. He had made me think but I think turning back now would be trapping myself for life.

Since Asthandile had left I had not bothered to check if she was really gone. What for? She said bye. She had hit me too hard. Women are mysterious people indeed. I had to cover my bases though. I decided that I must call Khanyi and tell her of this development. I had the distinct impression that her next stop as soon as she could was to go attack Khanyi at the office. That would be epic though. Two women fighting is hot… just saying! I did not know her number by head so I had to look for her. When she phoned earlier she had used the hotel phone so I decided to use that too. She picked up immediately.

“I was hoping you would call,”

She said as soon as she picked up. This woman had no chill.

“Is everything ok?”

She asked.

“Yes but…”

Something stopped me, I could smell fire but where fr…

What the fuck?

I ran outside only to be stopped by the garage door by flames And it was spreading really fast. It was as though there was an accelerant!

What had Asthandile done?

******The End*****

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike
Thank u for reading my letter. I’m a 21 year old dating a 30 year old n I have a problem with our sex life. Well the problem isn’t him I feel as though it’s me. My bf is the type that can last for hours in bed since he’s the active type. My problem is I can’t last very long in bed, I can only go on for as long as 15 minutes or so before I start complaining abt my legs hurting. I’ve recently started jogging to build stamina hoping that it’ll help. My bf can get irritated when I stop him during the deed n I’m just scared that he’ll go seek pleasure elsewhere. And making love to him has been something that i avoid because i know it won’t last long, is there any way or anything that I can do to help with my situation?

Hopeless in bed

Yesterday Talk Radio 702 spoke about the One Million One Month campaign that Wits University is embarking on. Twitter went abuzz with this. To date r700 000 as been raised. One Million One Month is a campaign that the Wits SRC launched to raise funds for students who have been financially excluded from Wits due to the current NSFAS crisis. The R1 Million is intend to raise funds, to help 107 students of the some 2419 who have been affected.

It’s very devastating to see that, many students this year are strained, because NSFAS has run out funds. Thandeka Mkhize went to Wits and it really touched me that so man have to sit out possibly indefinitely on the chance to an education. I fully support Wits students for raising funds, for students that are affected by the NSFAS situation. I would like to encourage SRC’s Presidents from other Universities, around South Africa to take the same initiative, to assist students that that are unable to pay for their financial fees.

As the Author of Dairy of a Zulu Girl, I will mention the initiative that Wits University has embarked upon, in the next issue or post for dairy of Zulu girl.
I will also encourage my followers on Twitter, Facebook & Diary of a Zulu Girl blog to denote at least R100.00 to the initiative. This money will pay for their registration fees and give them a chance to begin their studies and to get into the system, which gives the entire year for these students to get funding.

Please check the link on how to denote:

Kind Regards

Mike Maphoto

50 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Seven

  1. Thanks Mikeesto, Astha has no chill yaz, now arson and attempted murder…. No wonder the stereotypes about Xhosa women.

    Hopeless, you didn’t give much to work with, is he your first? Did this happen with someone else? Most guys long to have such stamina to ‘satisfy’ for hours on end. I personally don’t get it, why beat the pussy up though? I mean umuntu wakho ngowakho, you don’t got to go WWE on her vijay to prove that your the man, do that on occasion, make her toes twingle and make her scream in deep sexual pleasures. If my woman gets multiple orgies in 15minutes, next round is breakfast. Aint no way in hell am I waking in the middle of the night to get some. That’s teenager tendencies, I did that in high school. So hopeless, this active maniac of yours needs to find a chill, coz its even worse when you are being physically affected. But you need to get your legs checked out, or is he doing some gymnastic positions on you? Some people are freaks shem.

    Hope that the 15 minutes you put in are indeed satisfactory to you, no ish like making love without even knowing where the hell cloud 9 is. Goodluck


  2. astha o worse

    hahahaha jacky you have ANSWERS for every letter neh? lool making love without knowing where the hell cloud 9 is hahahaha wat more to say?

  3. Asthandile is 1 sick maniac.

    @QnA I suggest uyeke leyo ngudu (750) n go get urself some young “D”

    Dat fool needs to be settled with some girl out thr n yet he is busy acting Mr Hulk on ur pussy. Nawe ur too young to be putting up with bad sex, especially if it delivers pain with it. Stop jogging to keep up with him n start jogging to the opposite direction of his “D”

  4. Yep, she is insane. Asthandile needs to be institutionalised pronto!

    I heard on the radio this morning that they had achieved the million rand mark……..Big up to the Wits SRC and I would love to contribute towards this great initiative. Its heartbreaking to see students who have a passion for studying being turned away by lack of finance.

  5. Thanks Team…. ‘Till death do us part..’ Asthandile is pulling the death line closer. Hope she hasn’t set herself alight!
    A to Q: musani ukuhlekisa ngezinkinga zabantu guys!!! Sisi, tell the guy to slow down or else uzokuqeda phela, by the time you reach 30 uzobe usuguge!!!

  6. Shem sisi u barely out of your teen years and bhutiza yena on the other hand is on the peak of his sex life…then again it all comes back to compatibility

  7. Ngiyabonga Mike kodwa uyasiloya ngalezincwadi zakho.I AM AN ADDICT!!! Asthandile kazi ungenwe yini,uyakuthanda ukubukwa uyishiselani indlu manje?

  8. Thanx Mike for a nice read, papa ga Mxo must jst sit down really.

    Q&A chomi I had the same problem with my now ex bf, he was a heavy drinker though, was is chubby but big enaf so I rili had to strethch which was not much of s problm, but my exs four play was s good s non existing, the long kisses for him was enaf to get me wet n worst thing is this guy ddnt wanna change positions ne kele fool chicken ya nandos so imagen opening your legs for what was sometimes 30min or more nagana hela n he was gifted mind u that man had 3legs, one day he visited me @varsity he had been drinking n he went on for like n hour taking few min breaks in btwn I even forced him to do doggy I mean give me 1man that dsnt like that style, my vijay was burning n my bady was stif n sore that whole week I cudnt turn or toss on bed. What saddened me most is that I never had even 1 orgie I kid u not, even 1Nyana. I dumbed him cos he was selfish n incosiderate! Its true that its not abwt the pen but the writting. I’v had orgies frm much smaller dick cos of the art work die man had n the understanding that we both have to get to cloud9. Talk to him if he dsnt listen lenna kere Jogg to the opposite direction s his!

  9. Nyc Read Mike aiy I’m an addict of yo writingz! QnA Kodwa this fmly of DOAZG am in love wit this FMLY of DOAZG n in stiches by Jackzorro n Lee. I’m loving all yo comments, they r so funny @ times I find myself laughing alone @ work. Jack- WWE kwaaaaaaaaakx. I work wit elderly ppl in my office(Public Sector) they often make a joke about Clitoris (ubhontshisi uyaphela)that as a women get older it disappear (having 2 much sex)they alwayz advise us not to give much to our BF’s lolllll. Jack is it true Bhut wam?

  10. Memoirs used to be one of the stories I looked forward to reading. However now it’s just become monotonous and circular… Such a pity

  11. Shames Asthandile, last kicks of a dying horse, pity you might end up in jail with your stunts. Just give up already. The problem with Asithandile ukuthi she is going to loose the wealth and the status that came with the marriage. Pity she didn’t empower herself whilst still having all the privileges of a monthly allowance. Should have used that money to do some course-nyana and save some of it for the rainy days.

    Thanks Mike. Maybe we should have a book that will focus on housewives with the likes of Asthandile (just thinking out loud).

  12. Thanks Mike and the Team.yoh! Asthandile ena o tla le go mbora .The woman is a dim-Witted lunatic. Mxo please tuu! Motlhale aowa….

    Hahaha very hard to Jackzorro and Lee.Ur comments today left me half dead yoh! as for the Mr Hulk and the WWE Champ that part made my Year. Big up to you guys u couldn’t have said it better.

    A2Q- Baby girl personally i think sex in a relationship is spontaneous hence its suppose to be enjoyable and not seen as a hardcore chore that makes you feel agitated where never you guys are up for it. Talk to the boyfriend with this predicament and explain to him how the issues at hand makes you feel. I say if he loves you he will understand ,after all its not how big the Dick or how long can you go but its about how delightful you make it to the partner.

  13. Thanx mike and the team.
    jackzorro hahahha wena mara, Lee u got that right lmao, and Bee u right size doesn’t matter I’ve also experienced that ….And guys we must admit that sex plays a big role in our r/shp if it sucks then the r/shp will such too so, Girl u should just talk to ur bf about this if u really love him, so u can both fix it and if he is big headed like Mxos dad then take lee’s advice n jog cc lol.

  14. A to Q, cc you too young ukuthi ungazovumela indoda endala izokuravaza nje, by the time you get Mr right uyofika sekwathuthwa, opposite direction nala kimi

  15. Great work Mike! Cant wait for the next chapter to read how things will unfold on this love to hate marriage.

    A to Q. It is not easy for some partners to discuss their displeasures of sex,but i hope you will have the courage to open up about this stamina anaconda dilemma! Talk to your man and if he continues to be selfish,then leave his gazunga! There is one just for you out there! Be bold and take that step. You are still young for this trauma!

    JackZ & Lee, Lmao to you tweede!

  16. Mxo must press the damn charges now,Asthandile made her bed now she must sleep on It, Jackzorro where the hell is cloud 9,I always enjoy reading Jackzorro’s comments

  17. Wow, Asthandile and drama, im sure she could have made a pretty successful woman had she instilled all this dramatic energy somewhere else, aowa.

    Q & A, Poor you Grirl, thats why its not always advisible to date someone that older than you, due to the difference in life experience, now that you getting into the field and want to enjoy it passionately, his past that and busy turning you into Mosses Mabida stadium to do his marathon, talk to him about it, if his not willing to meet you half way, hlala ntja and go for someone not too older than you, sometimes when they too old either they do marathons or they just two minute noddles, so go for someone with your similar kind of experience, someone you will learn with not someone who forever teachers you how Oldddddd people do it, I had a similar situation with my BF, after 10mins i would go silent on him and close my eyes or change the direct of my eyes avoiding him,

  18. I was beyond proud when I first heard about the ONE MILLION ONE MONTH initiative. Also heard this morning on the radio that they had surpassed the 1million benchmark… How I wish there was such an intiative back when I was in college. They truly have my support and ill most definately be donating 🙂

  19. Thanks team for the read, u never disappoint!
    @Jackzorro, my broer, I think u shud be part of the writers of this blog! Your advise though harsh sometimes,its on point. I’m one of those who look forward to reading your comments.

  20. Lee n Jackzoro take the cup…tjo sisiza jog the opp side of his D n look for cloud 9 somewhere. Tjo uzothi usuna 30 ubusungasenabhontshisi

    Mara family hve u noticed hw short Mike’s chapters hv to grown to todays chapter is something dt happened within 5mins. We nw looking forward mostly for Jackzoro’s comments than the real chapter….

  21. Thanks Mike.
    Though R1m target reached, lets continued to donate as there is still others in need. One of my friends who is a lecturer says it is even difficult to get bursary for engineering students considering that in our days no engineering student was without a bursary. So let’s give even R100 as Mike suggested, especially at other copy cats universities (hope they do it as well). Remember, 10 000 people contributing R100 is a million and contributing to this will help these youngsters to avoid endless strikes.

    Astha has a strategy that in divorce court she can demonstrate how much she tried to save a marriage (counter Mxo saying is a physco). I am really waiting for that court drama, I hope Mike will use his legal skills to teach us a thing or two about divorce from the normal info.

    QnA. With women it is difficult, no two minutes noodle nor a 45 minutes marathon. Hope you used to get O’s or is just a long way to go. Your man needs to be educated and don’t do it in bed but while having lunch or driving to the party (when raising that during or just before sex, he will feel you are lazy or trying to pull a quick one). When you explain to him that you cant keep your feet in the air for that long and your V gets dry after some time. He can reduce the time of the marathon so that you can rest then start the next round few minutes later.
    I used to pride myself that I can go a round of more than 45 minutes after more than 30min foreplay and at least few O’s. I thought I was being great until a girlfriend told me of the hurting part. I understood that because I felt the dryness of a condom after a while which confirm her statement. At the end we would both be very tired for the next round, but after this talk I tried to reduce a round to below 30min and amazingly we had more rounds per session.
    As others have said, talking is your best option it made me to change and if that fails, then you have to keep walking.

  22. Asthandile is a proper psycho, she needs to be locked up aowa.

    Lee and Jackz kwaaaaaaaaaaaaaks day made.

    Thanks Team Mike

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