I don’t know if you have noticed by now that I never talk about my father. He is a hard tradition and stubborn man. He has no compromise in his beliefs and between us we have a hectic clash of ideologies. He believes in things to do with ancestors and so on where I am christian by choice. Yes he goes to church and to him what kind of a black person are you if you attend a church that does not wear uniform and worse, what kind of a church is it that does not wear one! Unfortunately for him his church has faith healers and people who faint in the name of deliverance which makes it pretty scary stuff indeed. Ironically he was not always like this but when he got diagnosed with diabetes and told he could not drink anymore it was as though someone had bewitched him. He took this to heart and sort to cleanse himself. I remember when I first went to university, I was staying in Kopano Residence at UCT. He escorted me and when I was allocated a room he insisted on praying for it and throwing water to protect me from evil spirits. Thank the heavens I had no roommate but my neighbor across, Kevin Davies, saw this and for my four years in that residence he never said a word to me! Must have scared the Coloured boy shitless lol what happened to us being all “black”!
I must be forthcoming, another reason why Asthandile’s family did not like me was because my family was considered backward because of such tendencies. At time when I listened to some of my father’s sayings I could not blame them really. I too had those moments where I hated myself. Hanging up the phone was my first instinct because a man like my father takes planning for. Now that I knew what he wanted I could think of what to say. He was the type of man that whatever you say could be used to punish you. I called him back.
“Did you hang up the phone on me?”
He asked me angrily. I explained calmly and respectfully to him that no, it was not the case, we were having network issues!
“Are you divorcing your wife?”
He asked me! It was then it hit me, I had not told my side of the family about the divorce. Yes they had come through the one time when Asthandile called them and that was it. Had my father told his sangoma about us? What the hell?
“Yes I am leaving her!”
I stood my ground!
He said and whistled at it,
“My son don’t do that? What are you trying to achieve by that? You think we all didn’t have problems at the beginning of our marriage? Don’t be like this? Don’t run away from problems, be a man and fix them!”
He said begging me. I cannot for the life of me, remember a time my father had ever begged me. I am being honest here. He was as proud as a peacock that one. My father loved Asthandile that much I knew. He often joked that when you have money you need a beautiful wife. I think in his head Asthandile was that woman who would give the money he thought I had credibility. My mother often warned him that there are no clever yellow bones in Mdantsane to defend me which would annoy him to no end. I knew she was joking to defend me but he still got very defensive. When Asthandile and I got married he told everyone in NU6 that could listen about how his lawyer son is marrying the princess of Mdantsane. People thought he was mad but I just saw the pride in him. This is how I knew that I had really disappointed him. He loved my wife.
“Baba, things are really so bad, I have been fighting but enough is enough. I can’t stay with a woman who sleeps with another man. That’s what I refuse!”
I said to him. He kept quiet.
“I will not allow this. If you leave that woman you will leave this family!”
It was his turn to hang up! I could feel his anger all the way there were he was but he was being too dramatic. Come on now. To get rid of this woman however I was willing to do whatever it takes. That much I don’t care. My father had to just relax and either help me or get left behind. I am sure right now he was shouting at my mother for not talking to her son. My poor mother, forever defending me. Maybe I really needed a sangoma because I really was cursed! My father was a single minded. This meant that I will have to fight him too just to get rid of this filth in my life. People don’t get this, the reason why most people avoid divorce at all costs is because marriage is not just about two people, it’s about families. He had made me think but I think turning back now would be trapping myself for life.
Since Asthandile had left I had not bothered to check if she was really gone. What for? She said bye. She had hit me too hard. Women are mysterious people indeed. I had to cover my bases though. I decided that I must call Khanyi and tell her of this development. I had the distinct impression that her next stop as soon as she could was to go attack Khanyi at the office. That would be epic though. Two women fighting is hot… just saying! I did not know her number by head so I had to look for her. When she phoned earlier she had used the hotel phone so I decided to use that too. She picked up immediately.
“I was hoping you would call,”
She said as soon as she picked up. This woman had no chill.
“Is everything ok?”
Something stopped me, I could smell fire but where fr…
What the fuck?
I ran outside only to be stopped by the garage door by flames And it was spreading really fast. It was as though there was an accelerant!
What had Asthandile done?
Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)
Thank u for reading my letter. I’m a 21 year old dating a 30 year old n I have a problem with our sex life. Well the problem isn’t him I feel as though it’s me. My bf is the type that can last for hours in bed since he’s the active type. My problem is I can’t last very long in bed, I can only go on for as long as 15 minutes or so before I start complaining abt my legs hurting. I’ve recently started jogging to build stamina hoping that it’ll help. My bf can get irritated when I stop him during the deed n I’m just scared that he’ll go seek pleasure elsewhere. And making love to him has been something that i avoid because i know it won’t last long, is there any way or anything that I can do to help with my situation?
Hopeless in bed
Yesterday Talk Radio 702 spoke about the One Million One Month campaign that Wits University is embarking on. Twitter went abuzz with this. To date r700 000 as been raised. One Million One Month is a campaign that the Wits SRC launched to raise funds for students who have been financially excluded from Wits due to the current NSFAS crisis. The R1 Million is intend to raise funds, to help 107 students of the some 2419 who have been affected.
It’s very devastating to see that, many students this year are strained, because NSFAS has run out funds. Thandeka Mkhize went to Wits and it really touched me that so man have to sit out possibly indefinitely on the chance to an education. I fully support Wits students for raising funds, for students that are affected by the NSFAS situation. I would like to encourage SRC’s Presidents from other Universities, around South Africa to take the same initiative, to assist students that that are unable to pay for their financial fees.
As the Author of Dairy of a Zulu Girl, I will mention the initiative that Wits University has embarked upon, in the next issue or post for dairy of Zulu girl.
I will also encourage my followers on Twitter, Facebook & Diary of a Zulu Girl blog to denote at least R100.00 to the initiative. This money will pay for their registration fees and give them a chance to begin their studies and to get into the system, which gives the entire year for these students to get funding.
Please check the link on how to denote: