Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Nine

Posted on Posted in Memoirs of a Tired Black Man

There is a school of thought that when you divorce your wife you hate her. It is supposed to come naturally with the divorce settlement but I believe that’s a white people thing. As black people we often don’t hate each other because somewhere somehow your extended families integrate. Logic often dictates that don’t entirely close that bridge. I decided against sending her an sms because that is something that can be used against her in court. It’s a good thing that she had called too instead of sending me an sms. Now more than ever I had to sleep at home. My wife if a court was to charge her had both motive and opportunity. The security cameras at the gate would prove that she was there just before the fire and worse the fact that her husband was sleeping at her friends place. Any court would eat that up. What was I supposed to do? I was running in circles here to be honest because I needed to get rid of this woman once and for all but not like this. One of the neighbors offered to drive me and I asked him to take me to Rosebank, where my house was.

His name was Bhejane and he said he walked for the Parliament as a communications officer. I could see he was avoiding the fire topic because I was rather down. He started telling me about the spoilt nature of members of parliament and how all this drama was a wake up call for them. By drama I think he meant the boys in red giving the rest of the parliamentarians a run for their money. I could not help but wonder why in this moment, at this time, this was relevant. It was not. It really was not! Maybe if I was discussing politics then yes he had a good point but I was not. I guess he was just trying to help me not think of my situation because that’s the only explanation I had. When we got there my house looked deserted. It’s as though no one lived here. I thank Bhejane and he gave me his card. He asked for my number and for a moment I thought he was hitting on me. Just kidding. I gave him. He said he was going to follow up on me and besides he might need a lawyer soon.

I open the gate and I walked in casually. The yard was a bit messy and I wondered if she had fired our gardner. I don’t know why I felt like doing an inspection of the yard like it mattered anymore. It was filthy. This woman must go back to Mdantsane Sies! I did not need keys to the house because I still had them. Black people don’t change locks, that’s a white people thing! I walked in and the tv was on. Zimasa’s books were on the kitchen table but she was not there. I decided to go upstairs.

When I open the door what I saw was enough to drive a preacher mad. There was my wife, sorry soon to be ex wife, on my bed, on her knees with a man fucking her from behind like the bitch that she was. I swear I froze. It took them five seconds to even notice that I was there. My feet would not move! I am not a pevert I just could not move. It was only when Zimasa opened her door, next door to this room mind you and said,


That they looked my direction and Asthandile jumped up I think almost breaking her boyfriends dick because he held his member in pain. This right in front of Zimasa!

“What the fuck do you want here Mxolisi?”

Asthandile said trying to cover up. She was already red because of the sex but I am certain she was even more flushed now thaat I had caught her.


I said pointing to the guy,

“Get out of this house if you want to live?”

I said angrily!

“No! Stay! My husband is the one leaving! He does not live here anymore!”

The door lay back in the bed.

“Lady of the house has spoken my bru! She has a sweet pussy too!”

Colored guys! They have a way of being fearsome when really they are not! I moved so fast and I punched him three times in quick succession. He stood up to fight back but I had anger and momentum on my side. I beat that man so bad by the time he left his eyes were closing because they were swollen. Guess what, Asthandile did absolutely zero to help him. Even Zimasa just stood there with her hands covering her mouth. I don’t know why I was angry because I had left her but it was not even a week! In my house in my bed! At some point he broke free and ran out of the house naked as the day he was born. I turned to Asthandile! She clearly thought I had forgotten her and after seeing what I had done to her boyfriend she knew she stood no chance.

“Get out!”

I said to her.


She said trying to be defiant! She had braids on So grabbing her was not easy. I pulled her by her braids and had a firm grip then I dragged her down the stairs.

“You are hurting me Mxolisi!”

She cried trying to break free! I was blinded by rage! I didn’t hit her though. She was screaming clearly causing a scene! When I got to the gate I through her out as a police car drove up. In the back of their car was the man I had just beaten up still naked. He must have bumped into them as he exited the gate. One of the officers jumped out to stop me!

“What the hell do you think you are doing?”

He asked me throwing me to the ground.

“Officer that’s my wife and I caught her in bed with that man! You can arrest me because if I catch her in my house again I will kill her!”

I shouted. I did not care anymore! I hated her! I wanted her dead! The officer stood me up and looked at the naked man in his car and the woman in a night gown clearly naked underneath.

“Ma’am is this your husband!”

He asked Asthandile who was crying now. She standing there and I was here still holding a few of her braids I had pulled out.

“Yes officer but he was not even supposed to be here!”

She said. The officer looked at her then me and said,

“I am sorry about the inconvenience sir!”

Let go of me, got into his car and drove off! Asthandile was left standing there, I was a bit confused also but I locked my gate and turned my back. People forget that police are human too! When I got to the house Zimasa was standing there not sure what to do,

“Should I leave too!”

She asked me,

“Sit down and do your homework!”

I shouted at her. She jumped at the force of how I had said it and went back to the table!

I sat down to think!

*****The End******

Michael Nkululeko Maphoto (fb)

Dear Mike and fellow readers

i apologise to the readers for my long letter in advance.

I’m a lady of 25yrs, i have a 4 year old daughter. Her father and i have had our ups and downs, especilaly when his mom passed away as he lost direction of his life and became a serial cheater(dating one of my best friend in process). we separated for a year and got back together 5 months ago, he insisted on moving in with us(my flat) because he had no money for rent because his busy building a mansion for his father. Now my culture and religion don’t allow vat’n sit but for the love i have for him i agreed. He pays nothing in the house not even buy an occasional bread in the house. I pay for my 2 younger brother’s varsity fee and school fees, together with my daughters fees and all the wants and needs. My mother is a domestic worker therefore cannot afford my brothers’ proper education. i can barely survive financially and emotionally.

I clean,i cook, wash and iron his clothes, at times i even give him money for petrol and food. Today he told me he will never ever marry me because i could not iron his work pants properly. my question to the readers is: what does a man want from a woman, he does not pay maintenance for his child, i basically look after him as well, and actually sacrificed my need to buy a car so that i can give my family the best. What does he want?My instinct tells me he could be seeing someone on the side that’s why he could be this cruel, but why cause when he left me i did not run after him not even for the child’s maintenance

Your advice is highly appreciated.
Confused and hurt.

109 thoughts on “Memoirs – Chapter One Hundred and Twenty Nine

  1. Dear confused & hurt…so you are a mother to your child and mother to the man who is suppose to look after you and his child? that man does not care about you and his child, he doesn’t respect you and never will…he is not your responsibility! so as long as you are playing ‘mummy’ to him, he will never grow and he is going to kill you one day…watch out!

  2. Ms Confused and Hurt. He is using you because you allow him to. He threatens that he will not marry you because you didnt iron properly while doing a million other things for him, he clearly doesnt appreciate you…or love you. He will never take care of you because you let him get away with murder.

    So why are you even in this relationship as it doesnt seem like any of your needs are being met, and sex doesnt count in this instance seeing as he might bring back a disease or two from his sidething(s).

    Please leave that man IMMEDIATELY. If he really loves you, which I doubt, he will step up ONCE YOU KICK HIM OUT and come back to take care of you and his child.

  3. Q&A o tshepileng bathong with this man, if he’s building his dad a mansion then surely he has more than enough money to support himself..this person is using you and I can bet my last penny that once that house is built he’s going to pack his bags and leave you, mehlolo!!

  4. Joh Asthandile is really not normal Q&A a man who care’s and love u would provide for u and ur baby that parasite is using you sisi.

  5. A&Q That man doesn’t love you, wena you are just a ticket to a warm bed, food and shelter get out of that relationship, you are being used sweetheart.

  6. Mike…. Danke son. When does Mxo get his karma? Astha’s advantage is really trolling.

    QnA sorry boo, but you said he is a serial cheater? Then let the fish off the hook, do what is best for you and your daughter. And buy your car. Lols


  7. Asthandile is a freak though! Yoh hayi ndincamile…

    Q&A, Kick him to th curb, he doesn’t love u, nomatter how devastated n lost a person can be, they still got to respect u,so dating ur frnd is jst beyond disrespect! Stick to ur instincts girl cos ths time they got ur back, he’s seeing some1 n spending his money thr

  8. Dear Confused and Hurt
    Your story is starting to become a norm for women lately,I’ve heard a lot of stories of women in the same situation you’re in,I believe if a man truly loves you than the last thing he would ever want is to see his women n child suffer! It is the responsibility of a man to take care of his family! When you think of your future n dream husband does your current even have the qualities??? That man doesn’t love or respect you and he will forever be a parasite,remember that you are your daughters role model and I’m sure you don’t want her to see this behaviour as normal!

  9. confused and hurt. sorry to be harsh but I think you are naïve. its very much clear to you that the guy is using you. you don’t need anyone’s advice but make the right decision for yourself and child

  10. I have mixed up emotions bwt ur situation,m sorry dt u r used“ds man will defintly live u after finishing his daddy s mansion”..he nided sm1 2 take care of him in de mean tym whn hs tkng care of his papa,he tot of u probbly bcz de woman he luvs could nva tolarate such rubbish…….now am angry with u,coz its woman lyk u“hu r jst way 2 easy,agree 2 anything n tolarate rubbish” dt mks woman lyk us appear as if we don’t luv dm,coz our bradas hv gotten so used 2 de likes of u……have standards my luv,respect urself n do urself a big favour“kick ds ass of a man out of ur house,2nyt dnt evn wait 4 de weekend….dnt evn try 2 bargain with him“hs using u n its high tym u stand ur grounds”….de part where he said he wil nva merry u“of coz he won’t,bcz u hv allowed him 2 to catwalk on top of ur head,man r attracted 2 women hu knows what dy wnt” urz dfntly thnk u dnt know what u want…u jst don’t compromise ur beliefs 4 indoda“how can 2 walk 2gtha unless dy agree”…one last thing,u played a role of a mada 2 ds man 4 so long“big mistake dt most sisters do”

  11. A2Q
    Sisi wam u have enough responsibities as is and your shouldn’t be one of them .yall suppose to help each other grow but yena ukubhekisela pantsi. ADVISE “khabalenja”

  12. wow The Memories is unpredictable shame.. welldone Mike and ur team.. I cant live without your blog..

    Q&A shame askies sisi, I was once experiencing the same thing with my ex boyfriend. On my side lucky in enough I didnt have a child with him. I wont lie to u my sister. Leave this ungrateful bastard.. it not easy yes but you get some1 whose willing to appreciate ur love and support. The lesson I get to my ex is, if a guy really loves you, he will compromise to provide you and ur baby. Even the circumstance of being unemployed. You are still young, surely beautiful too, some1 out there his waiting for your love.

    Im hoping for the best in your life..

  13. A2Q


  14. Mhh thanks mike

    Miss confused & hurt
    The dude is using you he is probably “finding his feet” when he is stable enough he will leave,doll there is no use bieng in love and b unhappy it won’t work,walk away sisi ey

  15. Confused and hurt dadewethu I think you already know what you want to do and where you stand with loyo masaka! Angeke ashintshe FINISH! Imbungulu nje leyo, parasite nje kphela! Haaaaaaaa go buy ur Madza 3 ntombi.

  16. YOH!!! this just gets better and better. Asthandile is a BITCH! sjoe! sies man!

    @confusedandhurt… WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING WITH THIS MAN? what does he contribute to your life? he is not you man. he is your BURDEN. you are clearly NOT happy so WHY do you put up with this LOSER?

    come on now. a woman that takes care of herself, AND her brothers AND her child deserves MORE!! not a leech that sucks you dry.


    you can do GOOD all by yourdamnself!

  17. Mara Asthandile o dira ponyuko fela!
    Ke dilo mang mara tse?
    If I was Mxolisi,I’d leave her outside as is, call her parents to come get her then and there! Expose wat she has done and this possibility that she myt hav brought a sickness home. Aowa maan, she is doing too much damage!

    Run BABY RUN!!!
    25 with so many challenges and yet here comes a problem you allowed to walk into you house, moes die bra o ja mahala moes!

  18. Nxa Nondindwa lomfazi uyanyanyisa,A2QSistas cela uphume espan as in now uyokhipha iympahla zalowodoti womfana onganeliseki azifice phandle,nxa uyfake kwi plastic coz surely akanayo ngisho I suitcase

  19. Thanks Mike and team
    uAsthandile akazithandi maarn and undidikile mna ngoku

    Confused and hurt – your problem is that you do not know your worth. Maybe when you guys were still lovey dovey you promised to love him forever and that you will always be there for him no matter what and he is taking full advantage of that. Really now! People say all kinds of things and make all sorts of promises when they are in love. No one knows what tomorrow holds for us so you don’t have to feel obligated to do anything for him. Why are still in that relationship? Do yourself a favour – throw him and all his bags out. Today still! If he harasses you or insults you call the police and have him arrested and apply for a restraining order while you’re at it. That man does not love you an inch! He is just using you and is very selfish – he has the money to build a mansion but cannot take care of himself? I don’t think so!

  20. Astha is bitch period.

    Q-A pack his bags and leave them at the door outside. he is sooo not worth it. You deserve better. A growen up man. disgusted. as much as you love him he needs to open up his eyes and smell the coffe. MEN ARE PROVIDERS not couches.

    His taking advantage of you big time and because you are the baby MAMA explains why he would come back to you. let him go and leave in that half done mansion with his Father as clearly he is his future….. Dont struck yourself down , you have a good heart, you did nothing wrong LOVE. PACK those bags_ we will see where he lays his head tonight. He doesnt appreciate you, respect you, let him go live with who ever knows how to iron his pants right.

    Run his Feet in your house? He has no Shame.


    He treats you like trash, return the favour.

  21. yooooh hayi I hv no words vha tyhini bawo hayi ngumshologu womfazi I wish belikhona elinye igama tht I can use instead of “umfaz” kub ayikbi nguye lo

  22. thanks Mike 🙂

    Counfused and hurt…my dear, why are you doing this to yourself. He does not deserve you and your good heart. let him go

  23. Cha uAstha is starting ukungicika shames.

    Confused and hurt: My advice, listen to the Joyous Celebration song; “BALEKA NGENYAWO ZOMBILI!!!” Literally you must run out of that toxic relationship. Akakuthandi lomuntu nje qha!

  24. Yho Asthandike needs imbeleko yhu.
    Confused and hurt my sister you need not be in such a situation, andithi ufundile and u smart also, so what exactly is it that u leaent in school?? Use that smart barin of yours and evict that useless excuse for a man.
    JACKZORO thanx for not commenting bhuti. Khe abantu bayeke uxhomekeka kwii comments zakho oko.

  25. Asthandile has lost it. QnA I don’t even know what to call that thing u r living with cause its not even a dog… calling it a dog would be an insult to dogs. I wonder why u thought he would marry u in the first place cause he is a broke ass lazy bum idiot. Reading this just made me so angry. And if I were u I’d be angry too and pull a Mxolisi stunt on him. drag that idiot out of ur life and get someone worthy of ur love and care. U are not his mother. And I want feed back please. whatsapp me on 0730238561 😉

  26. yhooo Asthandile is such a whore, Mxo get rid of this woman she is just an asshole.

    you are just wasting your money and your precious time with this looser. kick him out and don’t even explain. after all its your house he can sleep and eat in his car. you have allowed him to behave like this.

  27. Memoirs is just too much for me now. Mike just let them divorce peacefully please. I can’t imagine how this will end nut it won’t be good. Cutting my losses.

  28. Thanks for the daily dose Mikey. Asthandile is a total disgrace to the female community, no self- respect whatsover.
    Q&A: You sound like an independent and lovely young lady. This man has no respect and appreciation towards you. You are just an atm to him. There are still good men out there who will appreciate your worth. As ladies we get it wrong, being extremely submissive to men only makes us victims of abuse. Learn to stand your ground, the next time this man says something this hurtful, disrespectful and demeaning to you give him a piece of your mind and tell him to pack his things and leave. You survived without him before, focus on raising your child and one day, perhaps sooner that expected, your knight in shining armour will head your way and sweep you off your feet. He clearly does not deserve a good woman like you

  29. ..I was in a relationship with an emotionally abusive guy before, I learned that as ladies we teach men how to treat us. I learned that the mistake I made was letting him believe he is the centre of my world. I might sound a bit insensitive as I do not have children but I believe that as long as we teach these men how to treat us the sooner they will realise our worth.
    I taught my current bf how to treat me and he treats me like a queen, simply because I contest any insulting words from him. I taught him that to respect him he needs to respect me first.

    All in all my sister I am saying unless he has put it on your finger, do not submit yourself wholly to a man. He wanted to marry me since last year but I told him that I love him alot, however I think he is not ready just yet to handle a feisty woman like me, and he agreed to wait until next year to marry me. Dont forget to look good all the time, and have a life, chill with your friends and child and have fun with the people who apprec
    iate you.

  30. Mxo is a strong and wise man, if I were in his shoes, I would be facing a double homicide charge with no dolus eventualis needed for clarity. Thanks Mikeesto, what a shocking chapter, I’m still in awe.

    Its just a little past ten and over 40 comments, I thought someone died for sure.

    You are 25,paying for your siblings education, your daughter’s education, your rent and groceries with no help. You iron, you cook and clean for a man that you vat n sit with, that tells you straight up that he won’t marry you.A man that doesn’t give you a cent while bordering at your flat, that is building a ‘mansion’ for his pops. A man that cheated with your friend, was a serial cheater no so long ago… And the reason is him losing his mom? This is probably the most twisted BS I’ve heard all week.
    You must be one hell of an ugly woman if you are willing to ‘settle’ for such a demeaning and pathetic scenario. That ‘boy’ you call your babydaddy don’t love you. He probably never has and he never will. Uyazifakisa wena. You are forcing love and it is disgusting. You sound like a successful woman, that has to do with some sort of intellect, unless you inherited the money. So I’m pretty sure you can make sound decisions, crucial critical thinking skills needed to be applied here.

    You need to stop spoon feeding that idiot, infact you need to stop Breastfeeding that pathetic loser. If you are home now, pack his sh*t, put it by the door and as soon as he comes home, throw him out.
    How can you sell yourself so short, so cheap. You are pimping yourself to an ungreatful bastard. You are disgracing women, you are shaming your family and its not even worth it.

    Go to your nearest toilet, cry your heart out for being such a fool. Once done, call your friends, have some wine, Merlot. It will all be worth it once that punk is out of your life.
    Can’t believe this story is true, some guys are just playing with Gods grace bathong!!

    Jackzorro(sorry for the late comment)

    1. Jack while reading your comment I was thinking about Dr Phill. You sure sound like him sometimes!!!! DON’T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH advice 🙂

  31. Astha doesn’t stop hle

    confused & Hurt
    I was in the same situation and constantly stressed. I forgave him for every shit he brought into my life. Unfortunately all the signs are there but we choose to blind ourselves. I packed his bags and told him I need not to see him when I come back home and that was the end of me and the bustard. I hope you do the same and today.

  32. I feel like saying you are stupid but i won’t i guess a nicer way of putting it is you dnt know your worth and you love him more than you love yourself.

    Run please…..i don’t even know how you allowed such. I wish i was your friend i would have slapped you so hard so you wake up and smell the coffee…the dude is building a mansion and your mom is a domestic worker but u busy feeding him and playing maid!

    If you know what good for you. You will leave leyo mbugulu

  33. I saw this happening to someone very close to me, after she was done breastfeeding him and helping him get a job, Nigga confessed to cheating and wanted forgiveness and ish!
    its not worth it

  34. Q&A Please kick him to the curb, you do not take care of a working man especially if you are not married. Are u with him for the status of being called someone’s woman? NEVER provide for a man who does not provide for you.

  35. Iyho! The plot thickens kwaMxolisi.
    Q&A:My dear that man doesn’t respect you and he will not honour you either! Doing this & that for him including giving him money for food & fuel when he does nothing for u or his child will not change ubuxelegu bakhe love. This might not be nice to hear but its the reality. Please do this for yo sake, yo child’s sake and that of yo family u’re taking care of….let him go. It all started going bad when u compromised yo values or religous beliefs for him. Get rid of him or he’ll be yo downfall sisi…u deserve much better my dear trust me. If it means u pray & fast about it do that because he’s not good for you. I say all of this with love for a fellow woman.

  36. Q&A. Unfortunately, and i am very sorry to say this, you are the cause of how your man is acting. Instead of standing your ground you are slaving away for this man who doesnt even wana be with you. He is only there cos of the things you do for him. He is comfortable with you. He doesnt see (or need) any pressure to provide because you are already doing all that.You should not even worry about him not wanting to marry you, instead as yourself if you want to marry somebody like him?

  37. Thanks Mike and the A team, u guys r doing a great job. Big up! And thanks again Mike for the blog which has become more than a good read to some of us.
    Hurt and Confused- ja ne, I hear u sister and u shud take the advise of almost every one commented, u need to cut loose that connection u think u have with this loser, he doesn’t deserve u, he is ungreatful and stupid, he will never love u, and he strikes me like the kind that will try some stunts once u tell him to go, make sure ppl around (close to you) know about your intentions just incase he throws some tantrums, just for your safety and that of your daughter. @25 you r supposed to be enjoying your life and money, not harbouring parasites like that guy, sies! Cut your loses and move on sisi. Ayikho lento yalomuntu!
    All the best

  38. Seconding Jackzorro (expectedly)!!! And want to re-itterate, Sisi akuyeke ukuzenza ubhari, throw that dog/pig out uyekele ukuzehlisa isithunzi maan. Are u that desperate 4 a man 2 settle 4 such!?!!?????? Akuvuke emaqandeni

  39. QnA

    I think u are not only confused…I think you are STUPID too…what the hell are u still doing with that ungrateful son of a bitch???

    Don’t blame him 4 not wanting 2 marry you …I mean I also wudnt marry some1 who is willing to pay so much just to have a DICK at night…mxm I feel sorry for ur child and your mother shame…hope he beats u up…its ppl like u abazijwayeza ngamadoda NX!!!

  40. wena Q& A , leave the user and his useless ways , love on its own is not enough to take care of you love yourself enough to stand up for yourself stop making excuses for him he doesnt respect you or your relationship one day u gonna wake up with him getting married to someone else while u stuck up on the fact that he’s baby daddy and love of my life ….. love is a game , its a gamble you win some you lose some i say move on and forget him and heal your heart you deserve better and love is all around you if you are willing t believe that you wont see any need for him to be a part of your life , i know you blinded by love right now but one day you gonna realise that and you”ll thank us later just dont be a puppet for anyone

  41. The only reason that man got baq to you after a year of breaking up is because he wants to be financial secure will he’s still building a house for his dad trust you me his gonna leave you when he’s done it only in movies sweety where people get back together after a year or more so nje wena mpakishele loyo aybonele ukuth uphila kanjani ngoba uyeyisa enjalo nje

  42. O_o from a sweet perfect wife that ddnt even wanna give mxo a bj, to an evil slut, excuse my french. Thank u bra Mike 🙂 Drama neh!
    Confused and hurt, I know u feel like u need to be with this man because his the father of ur baby, but ma’am his not really playing the father part u are, U are stressed and depressed because of this sorry excuse of a man, a man is meant to love, provide, protect and make u happy, I’m sure u will not approve if ur daughter dates or marry’s a man like her dad, please sisi leave this lazy “baby” of urs ,this can’t be love no, Yes u love him but he doesn’t love u , the minute u accept that, that’s when u will get out of this “Relationshit”!!!

  43. @ Hurt and Confused, so basically you renting out his Dick.
    you rent for him, feed his , feed his daughter …why is he in your house?
    he clearly has a large one !

  44. Bhejane, the parliament spokesperson! I had to laugh for few minutes …..
    I have to admit, your stories have strong twists and unplanned. I hope Mxolisi took the name of that officer who caught a naked man as it will be a nice evidence at court.

    QnA Everyone told you to kick him out and I really encourage that, but in case you still WANT TO KEEP HIM him around know the following. It is you who trained him to not to contribute anything, in his little mind you can afford even to help him on petrol so un-train him by giving him a budget and asking how much will he contribute. It is you who trained him not to do anything in the house, un-train him to help on certain occasions and if he cant then he will not have food to eat and will have un-ironed/dirty clothes on Monday morning. Same as other things. Some of the guys are not doing nor contributing anything because they don’t see a need as you can afford and you don’t complain.

    I am not certain of your feeling that he is doing this because he is cheating. Even if he is not, is that a kind of a man you are willing to spend the rest of your life with?

    Lastly. When you finally kick him out, go to MAINTENANCE COURT as well because he will not pay any contributions towards his daughter.

  45. Astha is fast becoming wild or was she the whole time?Mxo usengxakini mfanakuthi.QnA Khabalonja uyise kwaHell,RHAA!! Iyakunyela tyhini,U feed,Clothe,Iron for him n he has the nerve to say he won’t marry u?while he stays at your house contributing nothing coz he’s building a mansion for his father,sisi u need to throw that Ungrateful,Pathetic,Loser who is an embarrasment to all sane Men out coz u deserve better n if u can’t find someone else there’s nothing wrong with being single,don’t settle for scraps sisi pls don’t.#this letter made me Angry yhuu!!

  46. *grasps for air* when did Asthandile change kanti? Reminds me of that Phiwe girl from generations. imali iyabamosha abantu

    A2Q…why did you even write this letter ngoba you know your guy is a loser and a user. I dont get why women do this to themselves. STOP IT!!! you already have your answer. khumbula ukba you have a daughter, you should teach her to be independent and not play the role of a sugarmama to any man. A man as the head of the house should provide for his family. maybe he doesnt have money for petrol leyo and spare change for bread ngoba he is busy buying other women brazilian weaves apha. khabalonja!!!

  47. Wow! I feel for Mxo,but he sometimes acts like “confused and hurt”. He must just put the final nail on the coffin by divorcing his maniac wife! Who does that in your matrimonial home?

    @Confused and Hurt- I guess you were trying to give your kid’s daddy a second chance. How long are you willing to endure such abusive relationship ? Have you ever thought what this might be doing to your kid? What errands does he run for you to give him petrol money ? “Work pants” is he now working, anf if so, how does he spend his mola? why is he not building a home for you and his own kid? Do yourself and your kid a favour and send that man packing before he kills you! He is ungrateful and dangerous. Bo rabaki ba tena maan!

  48. Yooh Asthandile doesn’t know when to stop, she needs a direction xem. Thanks Mike!
    now i can carry on with my day’s work

  49. QnA: am not angry at the guy who you live with, in fact he is my hero. I am angry at you because clearly you enjoy being a doormat. Why do you act like you are the first person to discover love? Are you that pathetic really to allow such filth to take advantage of you like this. Every one here has said you must leave him but I say don’t, what for? You clearly do not see what’s wrong with your situation if you have not see that things are this bad for so long. Very soon you will be joining church to ask for answers so why do we even bother. You are not a victim! You am instigator because you invited him in. Keep at it

  50. QnA my sister was in a same situation as you but eventually she quit. That kind of relationship will destroy you, and you will no longer be able to give your daughter the love and attention she needs. Uzokonda, kube ngathi uthandana neHerbex uma ungazicabangeli. Xosha leyombungulu, faka izimpahla zayo kuplastic omnyama wakwa municipality, iphume iphele endlini yakho. Only now she realizes what a fool she has been. I recently complimented on how beautiful and glowing she is, she has even gained weight.

  51. So many comments!I had to add my 2cents tho..confused and hurt I was in exactly the same situation as u. My baby daddy came back into our lives after 2years and yes true to nature he wasn’t working. I let him move in with us and boy was I frustrated cooking cleaning and working to feed all of us?? It didn’t even last 2 weeks. I packed up his sh#t so fast he didnt see it coming! He even threatened to come back and hurt us or kidnap my daughter..just showed what kind of scum I was dealing with. I’ve never been happier..its been 2years and im still single but I’m so glad I did not hesitate to make that decision! U should too!

  52. Jackzorro ur comment is very true n i second it n if dis gal goes bck 2 da fool she cols her bf naye yobe eyisilima uqobo lwalo n reali y baby a grown man n y beg 4 love kabuhlungu kanje yini u sound desparate, no leave his sori a… n he wont marry u coz its clear he doesnt love u n u’ve wed urslf by dis vat n’ sit arrangement n gal u nid 2 do u n wondle n do gud by ur family nt dis cheat

  53. Confused and hurt, I cant really advise you as I am in that situation myself the difference is I am married to the guy. so I would like to know from everyone what suggestions to they have if you are already married to the guy. I loved Bhejane s advice of un-training the busted and give him a budget to start paying some bills.

  54. Cha nami i laughd wen da word bhejane came up 4 a few min lol it was abit of gud humour in dis drastic chapter n astha things r jst gng downhill 4 her n hate dis bitch disgrace 2 women kind

  55. Finally!!! Mxolisi was waiting for this day,love is really blind.
    QnA I think you know what to do sisi. He’s building a mansion but can’t pay rent

  56. Thank you Mike, this is indeed unexpected, it is what they call a twist. Useyitholephi indoda uAsthandile kule mess aze ayifake endlini yakhe, hhay cha uyahlula.

    Jackzorro you have said it all, you indeed a colourful writer. Sisi I hope awudlali ngathi maybe you making up this story.

  57. 1st of all mr mike n the crew u guys are blessed u are not talented but given,what u have its a gift n thanx once more, @jack have u ever thought of been a mentor or motivational speaker bacause sir your comments don’t bit by the bush u tell it like it is,and one more last thing can we please see your pic,bacause I would like to believe am not the only one who would like to to see mr jackzorro.

  58. Mxo u r wat yo wife is. …thanx Mike.

    I’m so angry ryt nw I’m more angry @ u dan the boy who is yo babydaddy. Do u really c a future with him. Think 4 yo daughter wat example is he setting, do u want yo daughter 2 also settle 4 less. Uyiqale kahle sisi independent n all bt no no no u can’t b supporting a serial cheater who doesn’t even respect u. When is he gonna build a mansion 4 u? I guess he is building a mansion 4 a woman he is going 2 marry u just a stepping ladder.

    If not for yo sake, do it for yo daughter. This relationship is toxic,take his word 4 it HE WILL NOT MARRY U. Even if u can go 2 unirvesity 2 learn hw 2 iron. U r young focus on yoself n yo daughter,as a religious woman pray n the ryt man will come yo way.A man who will support u n yo daughter nt build mansion 4 his daddy. I mean really #shockednangry.

  59. Asthandile is disgusting though. But this relationship becomes more poisonous by the day, I really don’t understand why she doesn’t want a divorce. The more I read this story the more I don’t wanna get married. If all marriages are like this, then I don’t want it.

  60. Q&A you’re being mind fucked, no scratch that, u’r being mind raped, I laughed and cried at your sitch, please do let us know your verdict on this matter. Tomorrow soonest, I’m sure everyone here would like to know what u did to that bastard..

  61. Q/A:i don’t feel sorry for made your bed, then lie in allow that bustard to be treat you like trash and u know he doesn’t even love he that good in bed that you willing to sacrifice your happiness, life and most importantly your daughter?look the money hungry bustard got to go!!

  62. Heish memoirs is going round and round I circles. Can something happen. As Thandie is getting on my last nerve.

    Hurt and confused… self respect mami. emotional abuse is no joke. And that’s what this guy is doing. I spent a good part of my life with a man I thought I was so in love with, cooked cleaned etc…he too told me he wouldn’t marry me and didn’t want kids. Here I am..35 years old and alone. Do yourself a favour and like everyone says, leave the guy. Stop fantasising about playing a happy family. Your daughter deserves a father who loves her and will teach her that she is a princess and you are a queen. This dude is just a sperm donor. He has no love and no respect for you. You are strong enough to let go. Cry it out…but kick him out. He is toxic and you will end up cold and bitter in later years. Let him Go live with his father since he is building a mansion for him…oh and yes, he is seeing someone on the side. That’s why he’s being mean. Meanwhile he is farting in your bed and stinking up your toilet. Using your toilet paper no gal. If you can’t do it for you…do it for your little girl…its more hurtful to have a deadbeat dad. Do update us..soon. You need to take out the trash to make space for someone new…

  63. Q & A – Let’s just say I’ve been there, he will neva eva love you & neva did.

    In my case, bcuz my car was paid off, he stole my car by changing ownership, all by himself. Dunno how he did it. This is afta he assaulted me & the baby in the car, we escaped thru the window. Police refused to arrest him.

    My story is so long, I’ll keep it right there.

    I agree with all JackZorro has said, so true about women like us. I’m not sure if we are desperate, cuz believe you me, am one hell of a beautiful & able woman.

    All I have to say to you is “Throw that piece of trash out” NOW!

    My anger is sommer building up, again …

  64. Oh my word, Asthandile is not remorseful about her divorce, if anything she is acting like she doesn’t care. Mxolisi what did you see in Asthandile again? oh yeah I remember BEAUTY! Indeed not everything that glitters is gold!

    Confused and hurt?

    Why are you hurt or confused? there is nothing confusing about your story besides the fact that you were played for a fool and now you crying after realizing you were so stupid.

    Thanks Team Mike

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